Hey Mrs. P!
So, I've been thinking about your question. I can't say if I write good dialogue, but I know that I
like to write it. So I've cobbled together some thoughts. I hope they come out as making sense. I'm going to use some drabbles of mine as examples, just because they're really accessible and since they're mine, I'm comfortable picking on them. Dialogue in something longer is of course going to feel different than these, because the point won't be to tell a story in such a little space.
It's hard to come up with general comments, I think, because dialogue can serve different purposes, and it looks and feels and is written differently depending on that purpose. More on purpose in a bit.
All dialogue is fundamentally about the exchange of information; unlike normal text, however, the communication isn't just to the reader, but it's also between characters. This sounds obvious, given we're talking about dialogue and all, but it's key to keep in mind: the characters are talking for the sake of each other, not for the reader. So when you're writing dialogue, you have to write something that it makes sense for them to be saying to each other.
Remember that context is huge. There's a line in "Waiting for Dani," where Dani says "Yours now." And in
every other Willow/Tara story, this would be a sweet line. But in WfD, it falls somewhere between heartbreaking and sickening.
Also, depending on what your goal is for the conversation, you're going to have more or less text surrounding the spoken words. Here's some examples from my drabbles:
Quote:
Hurt
“That’d be a good start.”
Tara was stunned. They’d disagreed before, they’d had heated arguments before—particularly about the magic--but nothing like this. Not with words that were meant to cut and tear rather than persuade or deflect.
Even when Willow had come to Tara in tears, not knowing whether to return to Oz or to stay with Tara, she’d done so with more compassion than she showed now. Just as she did then, the only thing Tara knew how to do was to show Willow she loved her.
“If I didn't love you so damn much, I would.”
Quote:
Lose Control
"Just so you know, if Xander hurts her, I'll kick his ass."
Willow blinked a few times. Xander had warned her about the maid of honor being particularly defensive of Dawn.
"Don't worry. There wont be any need for that, he's a sweet guy. I promise."
"Dawn keeps telling me." Willow gulped as Tara took a predatory step forward. "You know what else she tells me?"
" . . . no?"
"That you're single." Tara kissed her. Hard. When she stepped back, Tara mashed the "4" button on the elevator. "C'mon. Rehearsal isn't for an hour."
"Sounds good."
"I'm Tara, by the way."
"Willow."
The balance in these two between spoken words and surrounding text is really different, and that balance influences how the text feels. It also matters that in "Lose Control," the surrounding text includes some clue as to Willow's mental state, but primarily describes action. In "Hurt," there is no action, no description of the scene, just Tara's mental state. I could get away with this because I can count on my audience placing it at the Bronze in "All the Way," at least once they've read the end. I mean, it's one of the scenes where they kiss on screen, and Amber in that red trench coat is fucking hot . . . wait. Not what I was talking about. Right. Anyway, these are different in tone because they're about very different things (fighting vs. seduction), but they are also structurally different.
Now, what kinds of things can you use dialogue to do? I think of dialogue in terms of what it does for me on two axes (as in more than one axis, not more than one axe):
1) Exposition
2) Demonstration of character
ExpositionSometimes dialogue tells the story you want be telling. If one of the driving forces in your story is the interplay between the girls, them talking
is your story, even if it's about somewhat trivial stuff. On the other hand, if their relationship is one part of a story with a bigger scope, then a lot of things them as people would talk about (hey, we're out of milk; pick up Joshua from your Dad's house after work; dammit woman, get off the computer and fuck me) aren't going to play a big role in story movement.
I'm not really coming up with more to say on this point. Hmm. Tons more on the next one, though!
Demonstration of characterDialogue can show what kind of person someone is as much as action. Just because the character is telling doesn't mean that the writer isn't showing. Willow and Tara are different people with distinctive voices. What they say and how they say it should reflect that. And it's more than Willow babbling or Tara stuttering. Willow has a temper,Tara avoids confrontation. Willow craves approval, Tara wants acceptance.
The best way I've found to get a feel for how the characters sound is, well, to watch the show. I have Netflix, and will bounce around different episodes just to listen to them talk, usually to each other. It's much more of a pain in the ass on DVD, just because you have to switch discs if you're as erratic as I am. I've watched "The Body" (and the scene in the dorm room in particular) I don't know how many times. Not only is it an amazing piece of writing, but how people react to loss is really informative. I also like watching/listening with the script in front of me (buffyworld.com has scripts and transcripts for just about every episode). The nice thing about DVDs, though, is that you can take a scene and put it on a loop and listen to it until you really get it.
Did I mention I spent over an hour listening to the "Yours" scene before I wrote it up for QoH?
. . . and that I have a serious problem?
*cough*
Anyway, the demonstration of character can also be about how they feel about one another. And I don't mean just saying "I love you" all the time, or using pet names or whatever. Let me pull up an example.
Quote:
Negotiations
“Are you sure about this?”
“Yes.”
“Like, really sure?”
“You know, I did think about this before I asked. It's okay, honest.”
“I just . . . .”
“I'm sure. Really.”
“Well, if you're sure . . . .”
“Jeeze, this from the girl who's been roughly shoving me against things and kissing me senseless for . . . how long now?”
“Yeah, well . . . shut up. And lift your head: I'm not tying this blindfold around the pillow.”
“Should have known a little lip would do it.”
So, I would say that this bit is really useful in demonstrating character, even though the differences between Willow and Tara don't really show up here, and in fact, the text doesn't say which lines belong to which speaker. But at the same time, it shows a lot about their relationship: vulnerability, trust, playfulness.
A big thing to keep in mind in terms of demonstration of character in dialogue is the question of what stage in their relationship are Willow and Tara. People who are friends speak differently than those who are starting a relationship, and both of those are different from how people who have been in a relationship a long time sound. I think that around the start of a new relationship is the hardest dialogue to write, simply because that's when people are least likely to be straightforward. It requires keeping track not just of what each character is saying, but what each character is thinking, and also what each character is hearing. Which is not always what the other character means. Now, you can take advantage of this, and have something appear to be one thing, and have it turn out differently. You can have Willow ask completely inappropriate questions in public, say, on a bridge, and have Tara not bat an eye about the total fucking weirdness of the situation, because she's caught up with other things.
Crap. I think I got distracted there again.
Ahem.
Anyway, those are the things that are coming to mind for me right now. Oh, also, much of my advice about action applies here: figure out what kind of dialogue you like to read, and figure out what you like about it. Ask the author about it. I also recommend looking at published books, and seeing how they handle dialogue.
If you want anything clarified or have more questions, feel free to ask.
Kate