CHAPTER 3
Throwing off my school uniform, I wrenched the hot water on until steam engulfed the entire room. My skin tingled with warmth as I stepped into the spray. Dipping my head beneath the stream of water, I tried to release some of the tension from my muscles. I placed my hands in front of me, resting them against the smooth, cool tiles and shut my eyes. I was stronger than this. It was routine. I needed to get control back. The beginning of a shuddering sob started to rise in my chest. I tried desperately to push it back but it broke through my resolve and found home in the scrunched features of my face. Hanging my head down, I allowed the warm water to mix with my tears, try to mask the heartbreak that consumed me.
Things weren’t so bad. Tara was happy again. She didn’t have a boyfriend at the moment. There was one thing I didn’t have that to dwell on. I shouldn’t have a care in the world… but I was creating problems for the both of us with my ridiculous behaviour. I’m not a child anymore. I am quite capable of hiding my feelings. Slamming my palm forcefully into the wall, I willed the flow of tears to stop. I monotonously finished up with my shower routine and bypassed all other activities for the night as I fell into bed. I decided that some self-indulgent sulking would do me good, for this one night at least. Tomorrow I’d have to find a way to carry on unaffected but now, I could just let the darkness consume my thoughts as I huddled deep beneath the covers.
****
‘Hey Will!’ Tara beamed as she sat down beside me, somehow appearing out of nowhere. ‘Heya.’ I tried to sound nonchalant. I kept my eyes everywhere but on her piercing blue gaze. ‘You okay?’ I could hear the obvious concern in her voice but I pushed it aside. ‘Yeah. I’m fine.’ I pulled out my writing pad and a pen and began to scribble indistinct patterns in the margin. Her eyes burned into the side of my face looking for an explanation but my expression gave away nothing.
I could feel that she was about to say something when the teacher called for the class’ attention, alerting us that the lesson was about to start. I breathed out gently in relief, thanking the moment for good timing. The next forty-five minutes seemed to drag on endlessly; her eyes would flicker to my face every so often, hoping to get some kind of hint as to what I was thinking. She knew me better than anyone else and even though she didn’t push me when something was wrong, it was like she could feel the tension radiating off my body. Often, we’d be sitting around at lunch time or on the bus after school and my mind would wander, making my mood drift into a sort of melancholy indifference. Tara would stiffen slightly and look at me, asking what was wrong within seconds of the change. It was like she could sense feelings, just by the atmosphere around me.
Today was no different of course. Her fingers toyed with a pen on the table in front of her. My strange mood was making her anxious. I could feel it. I chastised myself inwardly, hating the idea of making her feel bad… but I knew it was for the best. I straightened my back as the bell rang, hastily collected my things and threw them into my bag. She looked up at me as I stood and I grinned in reassurance, hoping that would be enough. ‘Catch ya later.’ Swiftly exiting the room, I moved off to my next class, thankfully one that we didn’t share.
In fact, we didn’t have a class together for the rest of the morning. At lunch, I made the excuse of not feeling well and went home to avoid spending the break and our afternoon classes together. Fortunately it was a Friday and a whole weekend separated me from the next time I would have to face Tara’s pleading eyes.
****
‘Willow! It’s Tara!’ My mum called out from the other room just after the answering the phone.
‘Okay!’ I yelled at the closed door and picked up the portable receiver beside my bed. ‘Hello?’
‘Hey.’ Tara’s voice echoed from the speaker enthusiastically, making my stomach jump a little like it always did when she called.
‘Hey… What’s up?’ I prayed that this conversation wasn’t going to lead to some awkward questions about my strange behaviour.
‘Not much… Are you busy this Saturday?’ She pressed.
‘Nope… Why?’ My eyebrows arched up in question, curious as to what she had planned.
‘Well… Anya invited me to her friend’s party… and seeing as I don’t wanna end up possibly sitting in the corner alone… I was wondering if you’d come?’ I could hear the hopeful tone in her voice. As much as the idea went against my ‘keeping distance’ plan for the weekend, I just couldn’t seem to deny her anything she asked of me.
‘Umm… okay.’
‘WOO!’ Her childlike excitement made me grin into the phone. ‘So… be at my place around 7-ish? You can stay over after as well.’
‘Mmkay. See ya then.’
‘Bye!’ I waited to hear the click of her phone as she hung up before placing the receiver down on my bedside table. Sighing audibly, I sunk down into the pillows of my bed. A party. The last place I seemed to fit in. I inwardly shuddered as I thought about the impending situation. Some guy would definitely hit on Tara. It was inevitable… but it’s not like I could blame them, she was perfect. How I would react when it actually transpired was a different matter though. I’d seen that kind of thing happen before but for some reason, I wasn’t sure if I could handle it this time. The anger and frustration may win, resulting in my fantasizing about punching the random guy in the nose and then kneeing him forcefully in the groin… Or, the longing and jealousy may rule, therefore leaving me running from the party in tears, hating myself for not being good enough. Either way, the outcome was bad. I pulled a pillow from behind my head and covered my face. Be strong. For her. Be the friend she needs.
****
I stood in front of the mirror, critically inspecting myself from head to toe. My hair was neatly messy, as usual. The auburn strands falling casually around my face helped to hide my eyes when I needed to, which was always good. I wore very little makeup, even to a party. I never felt comfortable all done-up so I chose to just go neat-casual as per normal. Following my reflection downwards, I examined the black button-up shirt I’d chosen. It wasn’t fancy but it was more of an effort than my usual selection of a t-shirt. The only thing that worried me was that maybe the shirt cut too low and exposed too much skin. Doing up another button would look dorky. I walked over to my wardrobe and picked up a white t-shirt, deciding to ask Tara’s opinion when I got to her house of whether I needed it underneath. I threw on some dark blue jeans followed closely by a pair of black converse sneakers. By way of jewellery, I had my patented watch on one wrist and a black leather band around the other. Simple but effective. Besides, I had the black nail polish to back it up. Did that count as an accessory? Walking over to my desk, I sprayed myself a few times with my favourite perfume and then grabbed my bag containing pyjamas, the white t-shirt and my toothbrush, before suggesting to my dad that it was time to leave.
We drove in silence to Tara’s house and I thanked Dad quickly as I stepped out from the car, nerves steadily growing in the pit of my stomach. Tara’s mum opened the door before I could even knock and I politely greeted her as always. When I pushed open the door to Tara’s bedroom though, I had to force myself not to stare. She looked amazing. Her dark blonde hair hung softly over her shoulders, its silky texture apparent as it shone in the light. She was wearing black-laced corset that clung tightly to her gorgeous body and a see-through black shirt over the top. Plain black pants showed off her perfectly shaped hips and legs. Her black nail polish matched my own and she paired it with an assortment of rings, studded leather wrist bands and a silver cross around her neck. I exhaled sharply as the image consumed my mind. My imagination had already begun formulating a very detailed scenario where I threw her up against the wall and began placing heated kisses along her neck while my fingers grasped fiercely at her hips. I blinked hard and smiled. ‘You look nice.’
Looking up from what she was doing, she finally noticed my presence and smirked. ‘Thanks.’ Her voice was riddled with modesty and a slight hint of embarrassment. She paused, taking in my appearance also. ‘So do you.’ She beamed at me. ‘I… I dunno, I brought another shirt just in case because I wasn’t sure whether this one was right or maybe it was too revealing with the low cut-ness and all… So yeah… Should I put a t-shirt underneath?’ I pulled out said t-shirt as I spoke and held it up for her to see. She glanced at me with gentle amusement and shook her head. ‘No… You should definitely leave the outfit as is. It looks awesome.’ Her gaze flickered downwards to my shirt again as she said this and I followed it. ‘Okay. I trust you.’ Laughing, I walked over to her desk and threw my bag down on the floor as I sat down. ‘Music?’ I asked absently grabbing hold of the mouse and double clicking a few folders. ‘Of course.’ Tara announced as she ambled out the door and into the bathroom.
I skimmed through her files, knowing my way around her computer almost as well as my own. This time however, I noticed a new folder that I was sure hadn’t been there before. Michael Bublé. The thought had never occurred to me that Tara would be interested in that kind of music. Out of curiosity I opened it up as I heard her walk back into the room. Quickly scanning the song names, I soon came across one of my favourites but stopped short of hitting play. It was slow, the lyrics were implicational... it really wasn’t the sort of song that I should play around the person I had a huge crush on. I didn’t want to give away how I was actually feeling. Then again, this could be an opportunity to gage her reaction at a more intimate scenario without being too straightforward. I could always make it into a joke if things started to get awkward. Besides ... she looked so beautiful...
As soon as my finger double clicked the file, I felt my heart begin to race. It was now or never. I took a deep breath and swivelled around in my chair. She peered at me curiously from beside her wardrobe as I stood up and walked towards her. It was then the song started to play.
You give your hand to me, With perfect timing I offered her my hand with a cheeky grin and bowed like a prince offering his princess the first dance. ‘May I have the honour?’
And then you say hello, Tara smiled in amusement only hesitating for a second before taking my hand.
And I can hardly speak, I pulled her towards me, wrapping my arm around her hip and holding our joined hands out a little to the side.
My heart is beating so. Smirking at her again, I let her know with my eyes that this was a game.
And anyone can tell, Moving us backwards a bit, we began to sway subtly to the song.
You think you know me well
But you don't know me
No, you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips, My heart skipped a few dozen beats when she surprised me by placing her head on my shoulder.
And longs to hold you tight
Oh I'm just a friend
That's all I've ever been
'Cause you don't know me. I edged my face down, wanting to look in her eyes again.
I never knew
The art of making love, Taking my lead, she lifted her head and allowed her gaze to meet mine.
Though my heart aches
With love for you, Suddenly I could feel my lips tingling with anticipation. It would have been so easy to just lean in a few centimetres and capture Tara’s lips with my own. I had to do something. This was getting too intense.
Afraid and shy,
I've let my chance to go by, I shifted my body away from hers a little as I smiled and made a move to dip her. I hoped the action might bring the fact that this dance was a game back into focus.
A chance that you might,
Love me too. She laughed at my playful gesture and allowed herself to be held up in my grasp.
You give your hand to me, I lifted her up into standing position again, grinning gently as I began to remove my arm from around her waist.
And then you say good-bye,
I watch you walk away,
Beside the lucky guy, Stepping back, I took another over dramatic bow and reached out my hand for hers again.
You'll never know,
The one who loves you so,
Well, you don't know me, She laughed and placed her hand into mine. I quickly kissed it and straightened my body.
‘A pleasure dancing with you m’lady.’ Tara smirked. ‘And you.’ She curtseyed back. My breathing was shallow and uneven but I tried my best to stay calm. ‘So... you ready to go?’ I choked out. She grinned back at me and nodded. ‘Yeah huh.’
****
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