and
Ohhh....Hey all. Wow what an insane weekend. Spent all of sunday tailgating at the Packer game. GO PACK! Fortunately I had time to squeeze in the edits and here is Chapter 2.
I know the "orange/chicken" thing left you all going
but I promise you'll understand after you read this update. Oh I hope you understand.
Work with me people.
Thanks for the feedback. I'm working on individual replies. I'm so excited to take the ladies off in a new direction. So thanks for coming along. Now I'll stop and give you more.
Title: Pathways and Patterns
Rating: PG for now
Feedback: Go for it. This is for all of you not me.
Archive: Copy, cut, paste I don’t care it’s all for pens anyway. No one in my house wants to read it.
Summary: This fic is the sequel to This look of love. You may want to read that first for some of the inside jokes and setup.
Author’s Note: This will not be an Angst free fic. It will be an exploration of Tara and her past, as I see it. So from this point forward I'm winging it. Hope you enjoy the ride
Copyright Disclaimer: Joss and Company owns all the characters. But they are alive and happy here. So that's all I need to say. Mostly because I want to be nice.
Enjoy
Chapter 2
The stray tendrils of hair framing her face were quickly engulfed as she loosened the twist from the top of her head. Frowning at her reflection, she slowly brushed her flaxen tresses. She’d received news of her father’s death and struggled with her initial reaction. “He’s my father,” she thought to herself. “And all I can think is how relieved I am that he will never hurt me, or Willow, but mostly how he will never hurt Abbey.” Burdened with hatred and guilt that lingered in every part of her body, she lost herself in the repetitive motion. Every stroke of the brush, reliving childhood pain and fear, her body flooded with memories of terror and torture at the hands of her family. She laughed cynically. “Family,” softly whispered through her frowning lips.
Willow stood in the doorway watching the sorrow consume her wife. She didn’t understand the mixed emotion. Tara feared her family; the red head wondered why the death didn’t bring some relief. She’d never lost a parent, but she’d also never hated one either. She stepped slowly into the room, the blonde lost in thought, was totally unaware.
Willow reached for the brush in her hand. “Baby, can we talk for a minute?” She sat in front of the mirror as Willow started brushing her hair. She leaned into each gentle stroke. Relaxing at the touch of her hands.
“Will, there really isn’t much to say. He was a hurtful man. I’m angry that I’m not sad.” Tara struggled with her feelings, but needed to share them with her wife. Willow stopped brushing as she focused on the blonde’s confusion.
“Baby, I know you haven’t seen them in over eight years, but maybe things changed for him in the end. I mean you were invited to attend the reading of the will.”
“Right, but no one called to tell me that he died. I don’t even know when it happened or how. I don’t know anything.” Tara sighed in frustration. Her eyes caught the reflection of the little blonde wedged in the crack of the bedroom door. They hadn’t heard her gentle knocking.
“Can I come in?”
“Abbey girl come here to us.” Tara stretched her arms opening herself to the child. Abbey jumped into her lap and squeezed her tightly.
“What happened Mommy?” She twisted the long blonde hair with her tiny fingers as she stared into her mommy’s eyes.
“My daddy died. Some people sent me a letter to tell me.” Tara struggled with her emotions, knowing her daughter would never have to meet the hurtful man. Also knowing that he would never get a chance to meet her beautiful little girl. The irony upset her peaceful heart.
“Oh, you had a daddy?” Abbey twisted her finger into the length of her hair tangling it into knots. Tara flinched as she pulled the tiny strands to free it.
Tara looked at her wife. Sadness flooded their faces. They’d never spoken about Mr. Maclay to their daughter. “Yes sweet girl. I had a daddy.”
“How come I never met him?
She gulped a huge breath for courage and focus, and tried to tenderly explain. “My daddy had an angry heart.” She paused, waiting for a reaction. Abbey widened her eyes requesting more information. “Sometimes when people are scared it makes them very angry. And as much as you want to be with them you have to stay away until their hearts get happy again.” Tara hoped the simplicity was enough for her tiny spirit to understand.
“So your daddy’s heart never got happy?” The love in her gentle soul was shining through her tiny green eyes; pride brought a smile to Tara’s face. Willow watched the tender exchange between them and marveled at Tara’s gentle sensitive nature.
“I’m not sure sweet girl. My daddy and I didn’t see each other much.” Tara looked at her wife. Willow gave a smile of encouragement. She understood the look and squeezed her daughter tightly.
Abbey thought for a moment. Looking around she noticed a picture of Tara’s mother on the dresser. She reached for the photograph and held it tightly in her hands, slowly tracing the image in the frame. “Your mommy had a happy heart? Didn’t she?”
“Oh yes she did.” Tara held the frame caressing the smile on her mother’s face.
“How come she couldn’t fix his angry heart?”
“Well,” she paused looking at her wife. She hoped her explanation wouldn’t frighten the child. “Abbey, sometimes grown ups don’t want to listen to other grown ups. And that makes it very hard to help them.”
“Oh…but she tried?” Abbey looked at the red head searching for comfort and understanding.
Willow stepped over to the pair and picked her daughter up into her arms. Together they placed the photo back on the dresser. Abbey kissed the frame and put it in its place. “Love you Gramma.” They walked together to the bed and huddled close leaning against the headboard.
Tara held her daughter’s hand and rested her head on Willow’s shoulder. “My mommy tried very hard to help my daddy. He just didn’t want to have a happy heart. Maybe he does now.” Tara kissed the tiny hand and pulled her in tightly.
“Mommy, I have a happy heart, and if you ever need me to help yours be happy, I can do that okay?”
Tara smiled and scooped the child into her lap,squeezing until she squealed with delight. “Okay sweetie girl.”
“Oh and that means you too Mom.” She kissed her, squeezed her and bounced to the end of the bed.
“I kinda got that, and thanks Ab.”
“So are we still going to have my birthday party or do we have to go away?” She frowned as she finished her sentence. She’d hoped for a party, but she wasn’t sure now what would happen.
“We are definitely having a party, and you will have lots of sugary goodness.” Willow smiled and rubbed her hands together. Abbey bounced around on the bed with delight. Tara frowned as the two bounced around on the bed.
“Beds aren’t for bouncing.”
Willow stopped and grabbed her daughter. She grinned wickedly and whispered in her ear. Abbey mirrored the grin and they yelled together. “Mommy pile.” And the two pounced on the blonde smothering her with hugs and kisses.
The moment of cheer looped through the room as the women started to dress. Abbey paraded around in Willow’s boots stumbling occasionally and flopping on the floor. She loved to play in their wardrobe. She had an interesting way of making Polka dots and stripes work for her.
The day progressed like most for a five year old. Her family came for cake and fun. Gifts were exchanged and 'pin the tail on the kitty' seemed to be a smash hit once again. Dawn brought crayons and coloring books for her niece and they lay sprawled across the living room floor coloring. They innocently discussed the life of a five year old, preschool anxiety, reading at near genius level and Barbie fashion sense. Abbey had an opinion about the unrealistic representation of the modern woman as it pertained to Barbie, but most of it was lost in the conversation about plastic accessories.
“So Abbey, did you have a fun birthday?”
“Sure Auntie Dawn. Almost everything we did today was the best.” Abbey continued coloring in the
Junior Scientist coloring book. Staying nicely in the lines.
“Almost everything?” Buffy interrupted as she sat crossed legged beside them on the floor.
“Well it can’t be everything, cause Mommy’s daddy died.” She didn’t look up, as the sisters reacted to her explanation. Buffy jumped up from her spot and ran into the kitchen. Tara was pouring a mug of coffee as Willow was drying the last of the silverware. Xander and Anya sat at the table chatting about the day’s events.
“Tara, what’s the what about your father? I mean Abbey said he died. When did this happen and why didn’t you say anything?” The entire room fell silent as they stared at Tara. Willow put her towel and silverware on the counter, and moved in closely for support.
“I didn’t know.” She squeezed in tightly against her wife. “I got a letter this morning, from his attorney’s office.” Sadness filled her eyes as she explained the rest. “It didn’t give details, just a reading of his will and that’s all. I don’t know when it happened or even how.”
“So no word from his relatives?” Xander asked. “I mean your brother. Not even from him?” He looked at Tara noticing her wince at the mention of her brother. It was very clear to all of them that she was struggling with her feelings.
“Screw um.” Anya spat. “They don’t deserve your time. They never did.” Willow glared at the feisty blonde and couldn’t help but internally agree. She also felt the emotional conflict in her wife and wanted to protect her from Anya’s insensitivity.
Willow walked over to the counter and pulled the letter from the drawer. She opened it and tossed it across the table for the Scoobies to read. They quickly skimmed through and were shocked at how cruelly she’d been told of her father’s passing.
“It says two days.” Anya broke the awkward silence. “By the date at the top, the reading is in two days.”
Willow and Tara turned to each other with a sigh. They were painfully aware of the timing and unsettled about making the trip.
“We know, we’re planning to leave in the morning.” Tara started to explain before she was interrupted by Buffy.
“And you tell us this now? Why didn’t you say something earlier?”
“We were going to, but we wanted to wait until Abbey was tucked in. She doesn’t know any of the family history and we’re worried about what we’ll have to tell her. She’s only five. She shouldn’t have to defend herself against Donnie and the rest of them.”
“So do you want any of us to come with you?”
“Actually we are just going to go alone. If something comes up, we’ll call. Right now we really don’t know what to expect.” As they started to create a plan Abigail walked into the kitchen. She seemed oblivious to the activity and climbed up her mom to get a hug. Willow sensed fear in the tiny body clinging to her and pulled back to look into her eyes.
“Ab what’s wrong?” Tiny green eyes looked up at her with sadness. She’d overheard most of the conversation. Dawn followed her into the kitchen to offer her side of things.
“She heard you all.” Dawn tried to explain. “She doesn’t understand what’s going on and I had a hard time explaining why everyone’s so upset.”
The gang looked around at one another realizing that the Maclay-Rosenberg family needed time to digest the events of the morning. They decided it might be time to end the day’s festivities and let them figure things out. Dawn and Buffy offered their expert child care services. They promised to keep their cell phones on in case of emergency. Xander and Anya offered to watch the house while they were away. Tara walked them all to the door and focused on her wife and daughter who were sprawled across the floor in the living room.
Together they were putting away the coloring books. Abbey was collecting the crayons and putting them back into the box.
“Hmm, I broke the yellow one.” Abbey handed the pieces to her mom.
Willow carried the pieces to her desk, wrapped them with a strip of tape and put them back together. “There you go. Good as new. It’s just a crayon. Don’t want to make more out of it then that.”
Abbey gave a little giggle and shoved it back into the box. She put all of the things back in the desk drawer. The family made their way to the couch and snuggled in for a conversation.
“So what happened in here with Auntie Dawn?” Tara asked. She pulled her daughter in for a hug. Abbey inched her fingers through the long blonde hair and twirled it around her fingers. Willow touched the tiny hand and gently pulled it from the tangle.
“We were coloring and I heard Auntie Anya yell. She was mad and it scared me.” Her tiny green eyes flooded with tears as she explained her fear. “Then she sounded scared of your daddy.”
Willow wiped the tiny tears and kissed her forehead gently. “Honey, he can’t hurt you. It’ll be okay." She noticed her daughter relax in their presence. "We can go exploring while we are there. It’ll be fun. We can take the GPS’s and pretend we’re on a secret scientific mission.” Abbey’s eyes widened at the idea of a scientific adventure. Willow knew it would be an appropriate distraction.
“Can I go pack my science bag?”
Tara smiled and nodded. Abbey jumped from the couch and bounced to the stairs. “I’m gonna bring my book too. Can I do that Mom?”
Willow answered with an approving smile and Abbey padded up the stairs to pack.
“So maybe we should follow her lead and pack too.” Willow attempted to stand, but the arms of her wife gently pulled her back.
“I suppose we should. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day. But how about you give me a bit of snuggle time.” Tara perked her brow and winked at her wife.
“How about we pack up for the trip, tuck in little Abbey girl, and meet in our spot?”
“Oh that’s a perfect plan.” They moved together slowly climbing the stairs. Abbey was shuffling around upstairs cramming goodies in her science bag. Willow checked it thoroughly for excessive over packing, gave it the A-okay and carried it down to the front door. Tara packed their suitcases, carried them down, and placed them next to Abbey’s bag. With everything ready to go, they carried their daughter up to bed. She bounced into her jammies and scooted under the covers of her bed. Tara sang a sweet verse of her favorite song. They kissed their daughter and left her sleeping in her bed.
They slowly made their way to the porch swing and settled in for a long session of snuggling. They’d decided to let the worries of the day wait while they focused on their need for comfort. Willow wrapped her arms around her wife and held her tightly. Her fingers traced the length of her lover’s arm. Tara closed her eyes to the touch. Her body screamed for this attention and Willow answered the call. Her dangling foot slowly padded the ground controlling the glide of the swing. She closed her eyes and let the crisp scent of the air wash over her.
“Can I swing too?” Abbey’s tiny voice broke the silence. She struggled with the length of her blanket snagging on the porch floor. Willow’s eyes snapped open startled by her presence. Tara jumped at her wife’s reaction. She reached for her daughter and laid her across her chest. Together their arms held her tightly.
“Always sweetie girl.” Willow padded the floor gently as Tara sang her to sleep. She looked down at their sleeping daughter and huge grin spread across her face. “Chickens and oranges? Willow what were you thinking?”
She winced at the thought and tried to remember what exactly she’d been going for, during their breakfast conversation. “I had a plan really and then she looked up at me with those eyes. I swear she can hypnotize. Then I lost my whole focus and I was babbling. I don’t understand it. I really had a point though…really.”
“I’m sure that you did but it got lost right around the, life first chicken concept.” Tara giggled as the bouncing of her chest caused Abigail to stir. They quieted down and continued their conversation. “Eventually you’re going to have to learn that science can’t answer every question in life.”
“I tried the whole it’s a mystery thing. She totally didn’t buy it.” Willow shifted just a bit trying to take a defensive position. She was denied the stance as Tara pressed tightly against her heaving chest. “She has such a great mind. It’s a challenge to keep up with her.”
“Oh I know. At the end of the day I’m exhausted by the both of you.” She brushed a few blonde strands from the face of her daughter. Abbey gave a tiny smile and rolled her body tightly against her mommy. “Will, do you realize that I don’t even get the chicken orange thing?”
“I know.” She sighed pushing her chest into the blonde in her arms adjusting to hold her tightly. “Really… I think I wanted to compare it. Like one is important to the other, dependant upon each other for existence. Who knows what came first, doesn’t really matter as long as they are there in the end. Does that make sense? ‘Cause I was trying to compare them and I know it doesn’t make sense.” She shook her head in defeat.
“Oh it makes complete sense.” Tara smiled a cheeky half grin. “Like oranges and chickens.” A tiny giggle came from the chest of their sleeping blonde. Abbey lifted her face and smiled at Willow. She’d heard most of the conversation and giggled at the funny explanation.
“Mom you’re very funny sometimes.” She squeezed her tiny body against the redhead and kissed her cheek. “but I love you.”
“I’m glad you think I’m funny Ab. I love you too.” She kissed her daughter and pulled her up alongside the body of her wife. They cuddled tightly as Tara chimed in. “Hey how about the mommy. Do I get any love for deciphering the secret Mom code?” Green eyes converged with a devilish grin and collided with the blonde's. She struggled to free herself from their clutches, but it was too late. Wiggling fingers and smacking lips tortured her body.
“Secret mom code. I’ll give you a secret mom code.” Willow held her tightly as their daughter tickled her endlessly. “How’s this code work for you?”
She kept laughing as she begged them to stop. “It works…it works.” Their torture subsided. “Works like oranges and chickens.” She jumped from the swing and raced up the steps, the tiny blonde and red head in hot pursuit. They folded on to the bed, heaped in a mound of happy giggling.
As if brilliantly orchestrated, they giggled out loudly, “We love you mommy.” Then collapsed on top of her. After a few rowdy minutes of tickle torture and Mommy pile they settled in tightly to sleep. A smile of satisfaction rested on Tara’s face. She knew what they would face in the days to come and she treasured every moment of happiness. Her mind wandered back to her childhood and she wished she’d had moments of innocent splendor. She thanked the Goddess for her life, for her wife and daughter. She understood that no matter what happened or where they ended up, she’d be strong and complete like oranges and chickens.
TBC
Urn of Osiris
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"Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses."
— George Washington Carver
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