Need a little help with that

[leipreachan11]

Title: Need a little help with that?

Summary: Willow's in hospital all broken up... everyone's been coming to visit... the girls got bored and decided to fix Willow's nurse's brother up with one of the doctors, managing to wheedle Xander into their plans... let's see what happens next...

Disclaimer: "Yes, I know these characters are all yours, but I'm just using them for my own entertainment, ok?... So you won't sue?... Great!... Yes, I do have the DVDs... Yes, I'm really looking forward to your next project... Really, huh... Darn, my dinner's burning, I should go... Fire! Fire! Bye now..." That's a transcript of my recent conversation with Mr Whedon, proving he won't sue me for writing this tale of love, laughter and loss. God, that guy can talk. (You'll be happy to know my kitchen didn't go up in flames.) Anyhoo.



Chapter 24
The Truth

Not having been able to see Willow on Tuesday because of her having spent all day in college, Tara woke early on Wednesday morning, antsy to get to the hospital. To use up some time and take her mind off Willow, she decided to get up and do a few things – the hoovering hadn’t been done since Willow went into hospital, and there was nothing besides stale bread to eat. At half 11, all chores done, she couldn’t wait any longer and set out for the hospital.

As Tara turned the corner towards Willow’s room, she almost ran into Anya as she came out, quietly shutting the door behind her.

“Hey, Anya. Story time?”

“Well, hello Tara! I haven’t seen you here this early in a while. Come for a dose of the truth?”

“Yeah, I usually come in the late afternoon now that I’m not banned anymore and Willow’s meds have changed. I had stuff to do this morning though so I thought I’d pop by. Truth?” She looked at Anya, puzzled.

“Oh, you don’t know! Well, I suppose there’s really no reason you should seeing as I only just found out by accident myself and haven’t told anyone.” Anya beamed at Tara. “I have no idea what meds they’ve put her on now, but they basically seem to be little more than a painkilling truth serum. I suspect it was developed by the CIA, though I’m not quite sure how it found its way into Sunnydale Memorial.” Off Tara’s utterly confused expression, she elaborated further. “See, I found out on Monday that for like an hour after they give Willow whatever wonder drug she’s on now, ask her anything – anything – and she’ll answer you honestly. She doesn’t remember it after she wakes up from naptime either, so bonus. She may act a little odd but don’t worry, that wears off too once she wakes. I was just in there for 10 minutes to check something so-”

“You’ve been taking advantage of her when she’s completely unawares of what she’s saying? Jesus, Anya, even for you… What have you been asking her?”

“Oh right, like if you were given the chance – which you have been – to find out anything about her that you want, you’d turn it down? Anything you want – why she did whatever it was she did, what she still feels… you’re gonna be all righteous and say no to that? Please.”

Tara looked at Anya in indignation. Yes, she’d say no to that! Would I? Of course I would! But to know everything, why she started all this… no, of course I’d say no. Wouldn’t I? “Yes, Anya, I’d say no, because I have a conscience and wouldn’t take advantage of someone I cared for.” Okay, overboard much?

Anya chuckled at this. “Sure, Tara. I believe you, 6 billion wouldn’t. Anyway, I’ve to get back to instructing the electrician on what needs to be done in the shop. He likes it when I’m there to helpfully point out what he’s doing wrong. By the way, I was just getting sex tips off Willow.”

“How on Earth could Willow help you with sex?”

“Well, obviously not the actual hetro deed, as she’s probably a little rusty on that and I’m pretty sure there’s very little she could have done with Oz that I haven’t tried myself over the years. It was more some tips for Xander. See, it’s my birthday coming up, and as my present, I was going to give Xander a long list of things he can try out for my pleasure, seeing as he owes me big time this year. Willow’s been helping me prepare the list in a typically detailed fashion, once again in her ingenious though insane system of different coloured pens.” At this point, Anya pulled out and flicked through an A4 pad almost entirely full, with pages of writing in blue, red and green ink, accompanied by the occasional sketch. Tara blushed from head to toe when she noticed that neatly written at the top of every page was, ‘Red = Tongue, Blue = Finger(s), Green = Miscellaneous’.

Anya noticed Tara staring at this, her eyes boggling out of her head. Mistaking this for interest, she continued in her explanations. “I know what you’re thinking, why would I bother writing that little reminder on every page? Well, it’s not me that’ll be doing this, and I think we all know how forgetful Xander can be, so I wouldn’t want him sticking one of Willow’s recommended miscellaneous items into me when it should be his nice soft tongue. God, you wouldn’t believe how many enjoyable orgasmic experiences I plan on having after my birthday, if I can wait that long. While Xander really is very talented, he lacks a little imagination, which you and Willow quite obviously don’t. I mean, look at number 19! Almost entirely in green pen. You’re a lucky girl, Tara. Willow assures me though that there can be a lot of pleasure for the giver of these moves, though I’m not quite sure that’s true in examples such as number 11. In fact, to be honest, I’ve been commended on my bendiness in the past, but hats off if you and Willow really have managed number 11…” Anya paused, her brow creased, as she turned her stick drawing of the move upside-down. She shook her head and looked back up at a shell-shocked Tara. “Well, I’ve to file these away with the rest of them before helping the electrician. I’ll leave you two to… not talk. Irrelevant as it is to you, she’s got about three quarters of an hour left in her before she falls asleep.” She chuckled again as she walked down the hall towards the lift.

Once the sound of Anya’s heels clicking down the hall had faded out, Tara recovered enough to be able to enter Willow’s room, nervous about this new revelation. No matter how righteous she claimed to be, it was hard to turn away when this kind of opportunity was handed to you on a plate.

Willow opened her eyes as Tara entered her room, and as soon as she saw her, a lazy smile spread across her face. In fact, it might better be described as a drunken grin, as it seemed that Willow had just lost control of her facial muscles.

“Hey sugar, what’s kickin’?” she murmured, while patting a spot on the side of her bed. “Come join me babe.”

“Hi Willow.” That was the first time either of them had called the other by anything other than their name without instantly correcting themselves. Over Willow’s period in hospital, this had resulted in dozens of “Swee – uh, Tara” and “Hon – [embarrassed cough] – Willow” slip-ups.

“So, not that I’m complaining, ‘cause when have I ever complained to have your pretty self near me, but what brings you in here so early? I’m usually made spend the whole day doing a minute countdown until you’ll get here, but today, my first visitor is my beautiful blonde. Well, that’s not right. Anya was technically my first visitor, I think she was looking for an idea for a birthday present for Xander or something. But I suppose some – Xander, for example – might consider Anya a beautiful blonde. But she’s not mine though, so you’re my first beautiful blonde who’s mine.” Seemingly satisfied with this, Willow lay back and looked over at her beauty, who for some reason, looked very sad.

“What’s wrong? I didn’t mean anything by saying Anya’s beautiful, I just meant Xander thinks she is, I mean to me, she’s just bleugh. Unless you think I’m just pathetic and jealous and that Anya is pretty and I should acknowledge that, in which case, I do. Or-”

“Why did you do it, Willow?” Tara couldn’t pretend to herself any longer that she wasn’t going to ask.

“Do what?”

“The magic, the mind control… all of it. Why didn’t you talk to me about it instead of trying to wipe the memory? Did it never feel like it was getting out of control? And all those words and promises, they weren’t for show, were they?”

Willow looked away and thought for about a minute before answering slowly. “You’ve heard about who I was in high school. I’ve told you, you’ve seen the pictures, the guys and Mrs Summers have embarrassed me with funny stories. That person was insecure. I didn’t know the point of my being there. Great, I was Research Gal, but just like Xander wanted to do more than go for donuts, I wanted to do more than read and hack into the DMV database. But then I started to discover magic, and I found that maybe I had a use beyond the library. And then I got more and more interested and got better and better. But I hit a plateau. I wasn’t getting any better; I was just trying harder spells and failing in different ways. And then… then, I met you. And nothing was the same. You were there to help me and make me feel good and useful and then of course, you were all cute, so that helped. But deep down, people don’t change. They can change the things they do and things they become – I moved from a straight nerd to a lesbian witch, for example – but you never really change who you really are. That’s always in you somewhere.”

Willow looked at Tara, who was listening carefully. They hadn’t really got to the stage where she had allowed Willow the chance to explain herself, and Tara really needed to know this. Willow picked up her story.

“And I don’t know what it was, but that started bubbling up – or at least, trying to – around 9 months ago. I started having these dreams, all different variations of you seeing me in high school and dumping me. And I knew that we had met through magic, and we may never have otherwise. I mean, what if I hadn’t of found out about magic and stayed in Sunnydale? Or gone to that lame meeting? Then I began having these dreams where I was being told that our love was not based on destiny, but magic. And I started to get all paranoid that maybe that was true. Even when I tried to convince myself it wasn’t, that you’d love me if I was a magical retard, there was always this niggling doubt. So it seemed the natural thing to have a magical solution to a magical problem. Every dream I had, every paranoia, made me believe even more that you’d leave me. So I spent more and more time trying harder and fancier spells to impress you. It never occurred to me that your problem might be me doing too many, that was like the irony of ironies. Then, I find out that is your problem and I just panicked. All I could think of is this spell that would make you forget all about it. I couldn’t see the side effects, I just saw it as a stop-gap in my quest to make you love me.” She looked up again. “So, to sum up, paranoia and panic.”

“Why didn’t you ever mention this to me? Or if not me, at least talk about it to Buffy or someone. I can’t believe you thought you needed something to keep me loving you. That is just beyond ridiculous.”

“Well, there you go. And I guess I was a bit afraid that maybe you hadn’t noticed some stuff yet, that I’d fallen under your radar, and if I brought it up you’d start analysing it or something.”

“Well. Thanks for telling me.”

“I’ve been thinking about how to bring it up. I have to admit, I did practice that a little. Not much else to think about while I’m lying here, stewing in my guilt.”

Tara smiled sadly. There was an awkward silence as she searched for something else to say. “So, did Anya say anything about how Xander’s attempt to hit on Dr Foxy went?”

“Yeah, she told me he didn’t manage to pick him up. Beyond that, he absolutely won’t say a single detail. He’s a bit grumpy too, so all I can guess is that it didn’t go well from a Xander getting embarrassed by being turned down point of view. But then nobody likes getting rejected, do they? Well, I’ve never really asked anyone out so I wouldn’t know, but it can’t be fun, can it?”

“Well, I wouldn’t really know much about that either. So, what about introducing Foxy to Morgan?”

“Oh, Xander did say to do that. Morgan’s coming in today too. You know he was there last night as well but he only saw Foxy, didn’t meet him. I think he’s been sworn to secrecy by Xander about whatever happened. I think we should let Mary introduce them seeing as I’m outta here tomorrow. We’ve laid the foundations: it’s in their hands now.”

[MiniShrink]

Aaaaaaaaaaand we're back to W/T, yay. Yeah, I get the whole fear of Tara finding out about "loser" Willow - I mean, Restless was a bit of a slap in the face.

Seems to me that a lot of stories go deep into Willow's insecurities, but not necessarily Tara's - let's face it, she's had it worse, and looking at her father's words in Family, she's probably heard and told herself a lot worse than "nobody" or "nerd". The fact that hers don't come up as much is just because she's stronger than Willow, in my opinion. I've always wondered why we get many more explorations of Willow's psyche than we do of Tara's (and now, a little shameless plugging: TRY http://thekittenboard.com/board/viewtopic.php?t=4709 MY CHALLENGE - explore Tara!). Is it because the character herself isn't that popular, that we feel the episode Family pretty much covered it, or because Willow's been around for a lot longer, or because Joss didn't go into depth about Tara?

Anyway, done ranting. I really liked Anya's idea of getting sex tips from Willow for Xander while Willow's drugged. Seriously. I LOVE the idea. And not just because it features Anya.

[WillowRulez]

Anya! Haha, too funny what she 'uses’ Willow for...

“And I don’t know what it was, but that started bubbling up – or at least, trying to – around 9 months ago. I started having these dreams, all different variations of you seeing me in high school and dumping me.”

Poor Willow.

“[…] Even when I tried to convince myself it wasn’t, that you’d love me if I was a magical retard, there was always this niggling doubt. So it seemed the natural thing to have a magical solution to a magical problem.”

Exactly my thoughts. Too bad they never really got into that in the show.

[leipreachan11]

Here's a short chapter I just thought of.

Chapter 25

The discharge


“And with this signature I declare you officially discharged!”

As Giles took the final form from a wheelchair-bound Willow and returned it to reception, the 5 other Scoobies pulled party poppers and blew hooters. He hurried back to remind the joyful gang that they were standing in a hospital admission area, where there was a high possibility that cardiac and other easily-startled patients may be wandering around, so loud bangs may not be the wisest idea.

“Come on come on come on people, let’s get moving. I need to see some sunshine.” Willow attempted to take off unassisted in the wheelchair but quickly managed to navigate herself into the reception desk. She didn’t argue when Tara took the reins, leading the more cynical Scoobies to believe her poor driving skills were all for show.

“Oh my God, I feel like a vampire who hasn’t seen the sun in years.” Willow closed her eyes, a blissful smile on her face as Tara pushed her to Xander’s car.

“Well, Dr. Danny’s prescribed plenty of walks outdoor for you so we’ll make up for that.” Xander lifted a grinning Willow into the car.

“Yep, we’re gonna have to build a new schedule around walks in the park. I’m sure Sunnydale Memorial will be delighted they no longer have to put up with Doublemeat’s delightful smells wafting down their halls.”

“You know, technically they’ll be rolls in the park for Willow.” The Scoobies glared at Anya. “What? It’s true.”

“Whatever. Let’s go, I want coffee!” Willow noticed the nervous glances being passed amongst the others. Giles cleared his throat.

“Willow, Dr. Danny was quite specific over certain… foodstuffs you can’t consume for another week.” If it was possible, he thought Willow paled further as he braced himself to continue. “Coffee was-”

“Coffee was not on any list on non-consumables and so I’m going straight to the Espresso Pump to consume it. Anyone here think they can stop me?” She realised that, despite the fact that the others, Xander in particular, were almost slipping when confronted with her Resolve Face, there was no way Tara was going to let her have her precious coffee. She’d acted like the cops were after her for days after the decaf incident as it was.

“Fine. Take me home and put up with me whining.”

“That’s the cheery spirit!”

“It’s just another week Will.” Tara put a comforting hand on Willow’s shoulder and they both sighed softly as Xander lifted her into the car.

“Ok ladies, we all ready to go?” As everyone nodded, he grinned. “Alright, let’s-”

“Xander, if you say ‘let’s rock and roll’, I swear to God I will stake you where you sit.”

“Duly noted. Let’s go!”

Willow closed her eyes and tried to focus on non-coffee thoughts, which just brought her to Tara thoughts, until the two eventually met in an erotic daydream that happily lasted until they reached the Summers house.


Edited because in most cultures, chapter 25 follows chapter 24.

[writerfreak]

Coffee and Tara-goodness mixed makes me speechless. Mostly.

writerfreak

[WillowRulez]

Very cute update!

[leipreachan11]

Title: Need a little help with that?

Author: leipreachan11

Rating: There're some naughty words in this chapter so maybe a PG-13?

As it's been a little while since the epic Chapter 25, a 'Previously on...' is probably warranted. So, Previously on Need a little help with that?
Ok, The Magic Box was broken into and smashed up along with Xander, Anya and Willow. Willow was landed in a coma but has just been discharged from hospital, although she's still temporarily in a wheelchair. She and Tara are getting on better now, as are Anya and Xander, though those two are making with the lovin' while our girls are enjoying, for lack of a better word, the sexual tension.
Can't you just imagine Giles delivering that Previously?

Summary: So everyone's out of hospital, it's time to begin... the hunt for our culprits! [FYI: That's a much more action-packed summary that actual chapter.]


Chapter 26

The hunt begins... kind of


[Before I start I’d like to add a disclaimer. I wrote most of this and Chapter 27 one long night when I was rather pissed and couldn’t sleep. Most of what’s here is what I wrote originally, though unsurprisingly, there were one or two typos. It’s funny just how many different ways there are to spell Tara when you’ve been on the beer. Anyway, I just thought it’d be interesting to see how my drunken tales and ideas compare in the harsh light of sobriety, so feedback is encouraged.]



“Alright everybody, we all know why we’re here: to brainstorm for possible culprits. First, I’d like to welcome Willow back. Though I’ll miss our reading sessions, I’m glad you’re getting better. And of course, I do still have the books if ever I want to catch up on that sort of thing.”

“Why on Earth would you want to catch up on Calculus? Though I suppose if it’s the Agatha Christies I’d understand it. Can I borrow those?” At Buffy’s insistence, Dawn hadn’t been informed of all the subject matter covered in Anya’s reading sessions.

“Oh Dawn, you can keep them, it’s not those that I’m referring to. I’m not especially interested in the Englishwoman who’s almost as popular as God; Xander and I are learning a surprising amount from… Computers for Dummies. It’s turned out to be very informative and satisfying.”

Xander smirked. “Yeah, here was me thinking I knew what a computer looks like inside and out, and what makes it go really well. Turns out there’s a whole lot more that makes them tick. I mean, there’s all sorts of... stuff in the centre, buttons you can press that not even Anya knew about, and she’s pretty darn good at computers. Willow’s very lucky to know her way around so well.” He winked suggestively at a certain blushing redhead.

“Yes, as is anyone she ever helped learn about them.” Anya winked suggestively at a certain blushing blonde.

“Thank you guys, but I think Dawn should learn about computers when she’s much, much older and ready for it. And I don’t think that either books like that or you two will be the ones to teach my little sister how they work. Plus, not that I have any problem either way, but I think it remains to be seen what kind of computers she’ll be into.”

“Oh, don’t be silly, Buffy, every person alive can benefit from these books: men, women, a mixture of both... everyone. Except priests, I suppose, they’re not allowed play with other people's computers. Poor fellas.” Anya turned and whispered in Xander’s ear.

Dawn looked around the shop. Willow and Tara were blushing furiously while Giles had his head in his hands and Buffy sent death-glares at an oblivious Anya and Xander, who were giggling quietly. From everyone’s reaction, plus the fact that Anya was involved in the conversation, she suspected that she’d missed some large sex reference. Usually Anya explained these things to Dawn if she asked when Buffy wasn’t around - thanks to the frequency of these opportunities, plus Anya’s no-holds-barred approach to sexplanation, as she called it, Dawn now knew an awful lot about sex. But she didn’t really care today - she was more interested in finding out and killing whatever had hurt Willow.

“Great, thanks. So, any clues on what happened?”

Anya snapped back into demon-hunting and retribution mode. “Some. We’ve been narrowing it down based on what Xander and I remember, and I followed a couple of hunches of my own-” Anya didn’t mention that these hunches involved investigating the possibility that jungle bunnies on the lam could have caused such extensive damage. There was no sex for Xander for a whole weekend after she returned from her meeting with the zoo’s owner. She could have sworn he’d reached for the tranquiliser gun after her suggestion. “-but I am extremely interested in what Willow has to say. So, go. What did you see? In as much detail as possible.”

“Okay, let’s not push her too hard. Anya, I know you’re eager to find out what did this-”

Anya’s eyes narrowed. “I’m beyond eager, Tara. When I find out what attacked my shop - yes, yes Giles, our shop - I will find it and very slowly, very painfully-” Tara cut her off before she began to explain to Willow the slow process of demon evisceration. Unfortunately over the past few days they had learned in great detail that this is very different to the human kind, and is indeed a lot nastier, as many varieties of demons have more than one of several organs. Apparently Anya had in her time been forced to use slow torture methods on not just males of the human variety, but several unfaithful or uncooperative demons too. Who knew demons believed in monogamy?

“Okay, thanks Anya, you’ve planned quite a show and you’ve explained it to us in unnecessarily graphic detail. So what I was trying to say is, don’t crowd Willow, she doesn’t remember that much more than you two.”

“Okay Will, whatta you got for us?” Xander was still annoyed that, as usual, he couldn’t help the search very much, beyond describing a vague body part, not even as much as Anya’s description.

“Well, like Xander, I remember a little tail, almost like a cat’s. And it did have slimy green scales and slimy eyes. I didn’t see it for long though, ‘cause it hit me first, almost as soon as it shimmered in.”

“WHAT? It shimmered in? Like the air kind of folded or something?” Anya had suddenly become almost hysterical.

“Calm down. Yeah, it was like that, really fast. It was like I was standing there and poof! It was beside me.” Willow paused nervously. “Why do you look so... insane?”

“Why the hell didn’t anyone tell me it shimmered in? Fine, we’ve been trying to narrow it down going on what we remember, but there’s thousands of demons with scales and a horn, for Christ’s sake! Whereas on the other hand, dumbass, there’s maybe five breeds of shimmering demons. It didn’t occur to you that this might be an unusual thing?” Anya was nearly hyperventilating.

“Hey! Back the fuck off Anya - she was in hospital for fuck’s sake. I know you’re upset, but I couldn’t give a flying fuck about your demon evisceration. Your very slow, very painful gutting can wait; her getting better comes first. Now calm down, or you’ll see me very pissed off. And never, ever call her a dumbass again, because I will not be happy.”

Everyone was shocked. No-one had ever seen Tara this worked up, let alone swearing like a sailor. Willow was really the only one who knew that these words were even in Tara’s vocabulary, though she’d only heard them being used in a very different context. Anya and Tara stood staring at each other, Tara with a protective arm on Willow’s shoulder, Xander’s arm on Anya’s elbow, just in case he might have to physically restrain her.


That cheesy phrase ‘you could cut the tension with a knife’ came immediately to mind as Spike strolled into the shop, chucking his cigarette out the door behind him. The witch and the demon - though he’d been sworn to secrecy about her recent return to the dark side of the force, assured that it wasn’t just human vengeance she was known for - were facing off, both looking fit to attack the other with their various powers. Everyone else was pale, obviously shocked at whatever had just been said.

While his natural urge was to encourage a bit of violence, Spike was feeling generous today. Besides, he liked the pair. Though she liked to pretend it hadn’t been her idea, Anya gave him a decent price for the magical items that he mugged her customers for and sold back to her, and the witch had always treated him decent, even when the rest didn’t.

“So a man walks into a bar...” The whole group jumped and looked at him, looking dazed. Anya turned to Willow, sitting shocked in her wheelchair, poor love.

“Sorry Willow, I was just upset. All this time and it was a shimmering demon.”

“You found out it’s a shimmerer that screwed your place up? Nice one, Red, there’s only about five breeds of those. That’ll certainly narrow it down at Willy’s.” Spike wondered why everyone was now staring at him. Did he have blood on his lips? That was the disadvantage of having no reflection; he could have all sorts of things on his face and wouldn’t know it. He could look like a right moron walking around all day – well, all night – with a chunk of Weetabix on his cheek. Maybe they wanted him to finish his joke. He’d just opened his mouth to tell them the punchline where a demon decapitates the man when the librarian interrupted.

“Spike - you know of shimmering demons? Maybe you can help narrow it down to the attacker.”

“Scales, horn and a tail, right? Sounds like a Kabbage demon.” He waited for the idiot builder to make some sort of joke. Much to his surprise, none came - probably too stupid to think of one.

Spike looked at Anya. “You’ve heard of them, right? Not great thinkers, more a grab and dash lot.”

“Yeah, I knew one back in the 1800s. Shy fella, always felt guilty after his robberies. Ugly as hell, nice to his wife though, unlike his brother. That’s how I met him, through business. His sister-in-law had called me, she wanted me to-” She realised now wasn’t the time, even though this particular case had been one of the funniest and most enjoyable she’d ever dealt with, human or demon. Very clever wife, great sense of humour. Anya had kept in contact with her. I must tell Xander later, that really is a case to share. Even Giles would find it funny.

“Anyway, Spike’s right, that’s probably what it is. If it is, then we’re pretty safe, they never really hit the same place twice. Too guilty.”

“The demons have a conscience? What next, vampires’ll be turning themselves in for murder?” Buffy looked at Anya incredulously.

“Yeah, it’s true. There’s an urban legend that they pissed off a mighty-powerful demon centuries ago and he cursed them all with souls. Not unlike someone else I used to know.” Seeing the look on Buffy’s face, Spike bit his tongue.

“Could one of you fill us in please? What they do and such? I vaguely remember coming across them, though never in any great detail.” Giles was slightly embarrassed that he knew nothing about them; he had usually done some research into demons with unusual talents.

“Look at that, love, looks like the pair of us are useful after all. Mr Books here knows nothing whereas we-”

“Are both ex-demons with centuries of experience mingling with other demons. I don’t think my research can compete with that sort of first-hand knowledge.”

Spike raised an amused eyebrow at Anya. “Hey, not all of us are ex-demons.”

Anya looked away from him hurriedly, making a mental note to remind him of her experience in vampire evisceration and general torture. Most people found it surprising the amount of damage she could do with kitchen utensils.

“Okay, I’ll tell you what I know.” She cleared her throat dramatically, still not making eye-contact with Tara. “Basically, how you’d describe them is a demon with low self-esteem.”

“A demon with low self-esteem? Come on.”

“Actually Slayer, you’d be surprised at how like humans demons can be. There’s always a pecking order in life, and in the demon world, the Kabbages are right down there at the bottom with the fat kids. Other demons actually pick on them, because they’re crap fighters, for example. Also, they obviously weren’t blessed with a particularly scary name; even the demon world finds that funny. Plus, they’re made fun of for that sad little tail of theirs, another parallel between demons and humans. Or is that a metaphor?” For the fun of it, Spike decided to look up at Xander while he said this. He was rewarded with a very insulted glare, but began to regret the suggestion as he realised the monkey wouldn’t be above proving to everyone that his tail was far from little. Luckily for everyone, his ex saved them the torment.

“Hey, no need to look at Xander when you say that. But Spike’s right. Also, it’s like when a kid is bullied by the others because he has something they’re jealous of, like if he’s rich or something. The Kabbage Demons are also picked on because they have a couple of powers which the bigger demons would find very handy, and they think they’re wasted on the loser Kabbs. The meaner ones call them scabs.”

“Like what kinda powers?”

“Well, they have the shimmer thing for one. Not many demons can do that sort of thing. I can – could-” Anya gave Spike a warning glare. He could so easily reveal her secret. “I could teleport for example. It’s very useful. Like if the Slayer came up at you, you can just take off. Also, they have the equally useful ability to take on human form for a while – not too long, unless they’ve trained themselves, but it’s still handy.”

“Ugliest buggers you could imagine though, even when they’re humans. You see a hideous thing down by the shops buying stacks of choccies, probably a Kabb.”

“Yes, truly gruesome creatures, whatever form they take. Anyway, they may have these handy talents, but they’re pretty much negated by other stuff. They’re totally weak, for example. Like in a fair fight now, even Xander could beat one. In fact, Willow could too. So whereas another demon might use the shimmer thing as a back-up when they decide to take out Buffy, the Kabbs pretty much only use it to rob. And the human thing – like Spike said, they use it to go to the shops.”

“They go to the shops? What, grocery shopping?” Xander snorted.

“Precisely. They may be demons, Xander, but they have the same diet as us, just more. Of everything.”

“Gotta real weakness for chocolate, too.”

“Yes, that’s probably why they’re so fat. I know what you’re thinking, maybe it explains the poor skin too.” Anya smiled at her joke but realised she probably didn’t have the best audience tonight.

“So about the demon conscience thing?”

“Right. Basically, because they don’t hunt humans, they just eat like them, they need money. Like Spike mugs people-” she looked mildly guiltily at her partner-in-crime “for blood and cigarettes. Basically, they need cash to go down to the supermarket and buy their groceries. So, they steal that money.”

“Why don’t they just shimmer in and steal the groceries? Go the direct route instead of having to put people in the hospital first.” Tara gently squeezed Willow’s shoulder.

“The one I knew told me it’s their attempt at looking a bit better. Like when the fat kids-”

“Stop with the fat kids, it’s mean.” Tara had had enough teasing from Donnie to know what the fat jokes felt like. This time, Willow squeezed her hand. Tara smiled slightly at her.

“Whatever. Anyway, they think they look better to other demons going the roundabout way and robbing money while beating people up – but we’ll get to that in a moment – than breaking into a supermarket to steal their weekly fruit and veg and chocolate supply. They’re right, really. Now, as far as the beating-up is concerned, they don’t.”

“They don’t beat people up? Hello – sitting in a wheelchair. Plus, your stiches. You think they don’t beat people up?”

“Think about it, Red, carefully. How did you land under that table?”

“Quite obviously, Spike, it beat me.”

“Did it, though? Did it actually hit you? Did it beat you up? Think carefully.”

Willow thought about this. “Well…”

Anya cut in. “No, it didn’t. Well, it might’ve got an initial smack in, but it certainly couldn’t have done that damage to you. It probably brought a bat or something, shimmered in and scared you, then took that opportunity to punch you in the arm or something. Then I imagine it went to work on the shop. I know that my injuries are because when you cried out, Xander, simultaneously being a coward and a hero, grabbed me and ducked down behind the counter. That’s why we saw hardly anything; it threw something at the shelf beside us, which hit us. That’s where the cuts and bruises came from, not from a beating. You probably had your eyes closed from the shock, maybe fell and were then trapped under the smashed table, promptly passing out. Obviously I too had passed out, because if I was conscious I don’t think any of you would disagree that I would have protected that till with my life.” No-one would counter that argument.

“So basically, it came, stole, smashed and left? Though even why bother with the smashing?”

“Red, darling, you underestimate just how much fun it is to take a baseball bat to a shop with plenty of wood, glass and breakable stock. Which reminds me, did he take much of your more expensive stuff to flog?”

“Yup, all but what I keep in the safe at night. You know, Giles didn’t want to buy that. ‘Anya, you must learn to trust in the good character of the people of Sunnydale.’ Happy now?”

“Thrilled, thank you Anya. And what a wonderful impression you do of me.”

“Thank you, I’ve been practising. Also in answer to your question, Willow, the Kabb was probably trying to impress his bullies. No doubt he alerted as many as possible to the fact that he’d ripped to shreds this shop that the Slayer’s always in. So he maybe temporarily moves up the pecking order in the demon world and he’s got enough cash to keep him in his various chocolate needs for a week or so.”

“Why us? Was it just a random decision or did he choose us?”

“Good question, Willow.” Still not quite sure that Tara wouldn’t turn Xander into a bunny or take some similar insane revenge, Anya decided to be as supportive of the ex-witch as possible. “The Kabbage Demon can sense tension.”

“Like it can smell fear? Can’t most demons do that? Can’t you, Spike?”

“No, Slayer, not like that. Say I’m about to feed – well, when I was about to feed-” Spike smiled slightly, no doubt reflecting on better, more violent, times. “If my dinner was hiding, sure, I could sniff him out. But a Kabb, it’s like he’s… intuitive. Like you witches, you can sense stuff, right? Feelings and emotions, that kind of crap? No doubt. Anyway, the Kabb, it’s like he sends out a scout radar that finds him a place, like a house or, obviously, a shop, that’s got negative feelings. Hurt, depression, anger, that sorta stuff. Lingering violence, too. And it’s these kinds of environment where he goes.”

“That’s another of his talents, by the way, one of the more valuable ones. Imagine the fun demons could have if they went and massacred everyone else in the family of someone who’s already depressed? That’s the kind of thing most demons go for, besides the whole feeding thing. So, the Kabb then robs the place blind, smacks it up a bit and also feeds a little off the negativity.”

“Right. Very, very rarely kills, though. Then he shimmers out with his cash, gets back home and is instantly guilt-stricken. Probably explains the chocolate cravings.”

“So… why us?” Buffy voiced everyone’s fears. Both Spike and Anya looked at her like she was a moron.

Spike chuckled. “Come on, love, look at you all. Everything I just listed you lot have currently got in spades.” He looked at Willow, then Xander. “Guilt – check. Regret – check.” He turned to Tara. “Hurt – check. Sorrow – check.” He moved on to Giles. “Worry – check. Indecision – check.” He finally looked at Buffy. “All of the above plus more – check. Then there’s the violence ‘cause of your room back there. Add that to an easy target of a successful shop and it’s not brain surgery why he hit here.”

After an uncomfortable minute of everyone avoiding eye contact with everyone else, the so-far quiet Dawn broke the silence. “So he probably won’t come again?”

“No, I imagine he’s in the comfort food stage of another guilt trip by now. They can steal thousands and that might only last a few days due to the amount they eat. Also, back to the bullying thing, other demons in need, like Spike here, sometimes even mug Kabbs.”

“Well, ends have to meet. Who’d buy me blood if I didn’t do the occasional mugging? Been a while since I met a scab though, I wonder if they’re nearby.”

“What about your evisceration now, Anya? Still gonna make a Kabb regret it?”

“Hmmm. I might get in touch with Marie. See if she knows anything. Oh, she’s the wife of the cheater. You really will enjoy that case, by the way. Tough crowd tonight though, maybe tomorrow. At least they do have some sense of regret, though, it’s not like they’ll be off advertising this hit for the rest of their life. Kabbs aren’t immortal, by the way, they live about 300-400 years. Seriously, though, they really should attend some sort of self-help seminar. The poor things really do have a lot of hang-ups.”

“Terribly frigid, too. Supposed to do it like us, but God knows how the little ones are made with all those neurotic parents.”

“God may well know, Spike, but based on my memory of the Kabb, if I ever found out, my head would explode.” Willow looked quite worried at the prospect of this knowledge.

Tara moved over to Giles and whispered in his ear.

“For the sake of peace – and our lives – how’s about we never mention that we knew about the whole shimmer thing?”

“Agreed. Also, I’ve been hit on the head so many times in the past that I’m quite sure one more concussion would cause permanent memory loss. I believe that a good wallop would remove any recollection of the process of demon evisceration or the concept of them copulating; there’s a plank over there. I’ll give you fifty dollars.”

“Then who’d knock me out?”

“Hey, you two gossips, we’ve got scabs to find. Get with the research.”

[JujuDeRoussie]

Hello,

This is a nice fic, I'm glad I have caught up with it. I hope there will be more soon

Friendly,

julia

[leipreachan11]

Julia, thank you, hopefully I won't relapse into the lazy little rut I've been in for the past few months and continue posting the story. It's more or less finished so basically it's just a matter of keeping it up...


Anyhoo, here's two chapters. A note on the first: the song mentioned in it is Sinead O'Connor's 'Nothing Compares 2 U'. If you've recently been dumped, first, my sympathies, but if you want a song to match your misery, personally I think this is the best break-up song ever.



Chapter 27
Downers


Willow was miserable. She was half-way through day two of Tara’s mysterious weekend-long trip out of town. Plus, there was literally nothing for her to do. There was nothing of interest on TV and during her convalescence, she had more or less cleaned out the Sunnydale library and Blockbusters.

An idea came to mind. During the first week of Tara’s absence, she had pretty much played the song ‘Nothing Compares 2 U’ on repeat while curled up on her bed, alternately feeling sorry for herself and explaining to the Tara in her head why she was wrong for leaving. After four days, Buffy had forcibly removed the CD from Willow’s room and had Dawn stand over her as she deleted it from her iPod. Willow didn’t see the problem: fine, so the first couple of days with her playing it loud enough to hear downstairs, with or without Slayer hearing, may have been a little selfish, but after that she’d used her earphones as she listened and moped. On reflection, though, it may well have been Willow’s ‘singing’ along that caused the problem.

Unfortunately (for them), Buffy and Dawn had neglected to make her delete the song from her laptop, and Willow wheeled herself to this now and chose the song from her ‘Downer’ playlist. The sombre strings started up just as Dawn, who was supposed to be out shopping with Buffy, walked in the front door. The teenager needed to hear only two bars before recognising the song.

“Buffy!” Dawn shrieked, at a decibel Willow hadn’t thought it was possible the human voice could reach. “Buffy! She’s playing it again! Stop her!”

Buffy stormed in the front door towards Willow, who was now trying in vain to grab her laptop and speedily exit the front room.

“Oh no. No no no no no. That song has been banned in this house. Give me the laptop. Dawn, put the brakes on her wheelchair. Give me that!” A bizarre version of a chick fight ensued, involving Dawn holding the chair while Buffy, mindful of her various injuries, used perhaps 8% of her Slayer-strength to grab the computer off Willow.

“Hey! I’m disabled! This is discrimination! Gimme that back, Buffy plleeasse, I promise I’ll never play it again, just please give me back my laptop.” Playing the disabled card had so far never failed Willow in guilting her friends into giving in to her various requests.

“‘I’ll never play it again.’ It’s strange, that phrase seems so familiar. Dawn, where’d you think we’ve heard that one before?”

“Ooh, I dunno. TV maybe? Oh yeah, I know, from the big fat liar sitting here moping. Jeez Willow, you can’t wait another couple of hours for Tara to get back without resorting to this misery?”

“And take that pout off your face, it’ll get you nowhere. Now, Xander’s coming over for dinner. You’ve made it perfectly clear that we’re poor substitutes for Tara, but you can earn your laptop back – minus a song that will not be named – by turning that scowl upside down and at least pretending that our company is remotely enjoyable.”

Willow pasted a smile on her face and rolled past the girls towards the kitchen, mumbling vague threats of revenge as she passed. Glancing at her watch and again calculating the hours until she would see Tara, she prepared herself for a long night.





Chapter 28
Good news

“So, looking forward to Friday?”

“Friday? Ah, with the ‘Hallelujah, Lord, this child can walk!’ thing?”

“Yeah. You’ll be halfway to perfection. Just that pesky sling to dump and we’re done.”

Now where have I heard Tara say ‘We’re done’ before? Ah yes, after I brainwashed her.

“Right. We’ll be done in no time.”

Only I don’t want us to be done. I want to wheel you around the park. I want to go shopping with you, to help you into bed when we both know you can do it yourself.

“Anything in particular you’ll miss about the last couple of months?”

Willow paused. She didn’t want to scare off Tara by telling her that she’d break her legs and arms again and again if it meant seven weeks of walks with her, of long chats about nothing in particular, of Tara helping her around the house when there was no need. If it were anyone else insisting on getting the TV remote when it was within Willow’s reach, she’d have gone crazy with being babied. With Tara, though, Willow just sat back and enjoyed the view as Tara leaned over her.

“Well, I’ll miss the special privileges. Like nice people letting us skip the queue in shops ‘cause they reckon it’ll be good for their karma. And I’ll certainly miss us all being let into the zoo free to promote their new equality changes. I never knew that testing out ramps would be so much fun.”

“Yeah, but I’m guessing the warden might’ve figured out that we weren’t surprise visitors from the Equality Authority come to test him on the new wheelchair-friendly zoo. I don’t think those beurocrats would be getting Xander to push you down the ramps as fast as possible so that you could shout ‘Weeeh!’ while waving your arms in the air.”

“That’s possible. It was such a fun day though, I’ll never forget it. The seven of us, there all day, everything free. It was like we were all kids. Remember how happy Xander was when he won the elephant teddy bear because he found all the zoo clues? And Giles wearing a monkey hat? Even Dawnie stopped pretending she was a teenager having no fun out with all these loser adults. Thank you so much for remembering the camera.”

“I have about 10 pictures of Anya feeding the rabbits. She said she’s gonna put one in her wallet so that if she’s ever afraid, she can just take it out and remember how brave she truly is.”

“And me! I fed that scary Red-Eyed Tree Frog, don’t forget that.”

“How could I? You’re a true hero, sweetie.”

Willow still smiled every time Tara called her sweetie or honey. They’d gone a fortnight just saying the other’s name before they’d given in to old habits. “Don’t I know it. And of course I’ll miss you.” Both girls suddenly realised that they’d never really studied their feet, and took this opportunity to remedy that. Willow lowered her voice. “I mean, I’ve really enjoyed our walks and stuff. And just, you know, just sitting with you. I’ll miss that.”

“Yeah. That was… fun.”

Willow was quiet for almost five minutes. “I won’t miss wearing plastic bags to get into the shower. Or getting stuff stuck in the cast.”

“Sweetie, you wouldn’t have got a comb stuck in your cast if you had a) waited for me to distract you from the itching or b) used a knitting needle or a wooden spoon or something resembling a logical scratching object. I mean a comb? And be prepared for a stinky leg to emerge from that cast. You’ll be in the shower for a long time to get rid of the smell.” God, you have no idea how much I want to join you. To help you clean those beautiful legs of yours. To kiss your sore hip better. To scratch any other itches you might have.

Please God, offer to join me. “Right, ‘cause of the whole no washing thing. Except those first attempts. Until your fabulous suggestion of a stool.”

“Yes, a radical solution.” The first evening after Willow came home, Tara had entered the bathroom to find her stuck in the bath. She had tried to balance with her entire left side out of the water stream while she attempted to wash the rest of her body. Unfortunately, Willow had then tried to rub her right foot and had lost her balance, falling with one leg on either side of the bath. After this very painful wedgie, she fell over into the bath, where she remained stuck on her right side until Tara got worried and came in. For three wonderful and unbelievably frustrating evenings, Tara ran a bath and gently washed her. Neither noticed the bathwater getting cold or their increasing pins and needles all over, as Willow lay there for almost an hour, barely losing eye-contact with Tara. When they eventually emerged from the bathroom, it was in complete silence as neither could have imagined being more turned-on. One word, one quick movement and they both would have pounced. Or at least to the extent that Willow’s injuries allowed pouncing. The idea of rubbing a soapy Willow all over while she wasn’t in the bath herself eventually became too much for Tara, so on the fourth day, she went out and bought a special shower stool. To the pair’s equal relief and disappointment, it was a perfect fit for Willow and since then, despite a thorough search, she couldn’t find any reasonable excuse for Tara to rub her naked body.

“It’ll be really weird being out of the chair. I’ve got so used to doing nothing. Like a month lying down in hospital, nearly two months in a wheelchair – I’d say my legs have gone to crap. It’ll be even weirder walking on a stick for however long it’ll be.”

“Well, thank God that our collective Scooby karma finally came through, to Dr Danny’s total shock. All those lovely dislocated and broken bones healed fast. No wheelchair for life. And I know well out of everything, you’re happiest you won’t have to wear an eye patch forever. I bet you were thinking you could wear a Gabrielle-style one if worst came to worst.”

“God, Tara, you know me so well it’s just scary sometimes.”

Tara paused. What Willow said was true – they truly did know eachother – often better than themselves, however much a cliché that was. “You know, after Friday… I’m not gonna just desert you. I mean, if you still want to go walking or whatever the physio says you should do, I’m still here.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure I’ll be taking you up on that offer. I suppose we’d better get back to the Magic Box, Anya said they have news.”

“Better be good.”

[PolarBear]

What, I missed an update few days ago? On the other hand, now I could read three updates at once, yahoo!

This is a nice fic, i'm glad to see its still going on. I hope you won't torture our girls (and thus us) by keeping them separate for too long. Both of them clearly want to get back together, but are too afraid to do so. Hopefully is on the way...

And Tara showering Willow? What an lovely image.

[JujuDeRoussie]

That was really nice.
I'm glad Willow's healing. The bath anecdotes seem like real torture for them.
I hope Tara will stick around.
They seem to have made a good work on their relationship though. That's good.



Friendly,

julia

[leipreachan11]

First, JujuDeRoussie and PolarBear, thank you for your kind words.


Chapter 29
Even Better News


“Okay everyone, I have good news.” Anya paused for dramatic effect. “I’ve found our demon. Spike was right; it was indeed a Kabb that did the damage. I contacted Marie – the cheater’s wife – to see if she knew anything. God, I still have to tell you all that story. Xander, tell them how funny it was.”

“Oh yeah, funny funny, thank God Anya told me it twice to make sure it’s burnt into my memory. You can tell why everyone had such a blast: he had a very creative wife. I’m told she has an excellent sense of humour for a Kabb, what with the ironic punishment and all the metaphorical injuries.”

“She’s very intelligent too, had an excellent knowledge of the Kabbage anatomy. Like a surgeon. But that’s beside the point, for now. So I emailed her-”

“So the scabs are emailing now? Are you sure these aren’t just really ugly humans in need of a good dermatologist?”

“Willow sweetie, you’re not the only one who’s allowed to be good with computers. Demons are moving with the times too. Anyway, I hardly mean they have an IT department in their cave; they can pop into an internet café while they’re in town shopping as a human or whatever. So anyway, Marie did some digging and found out who robbed us. It took her this long because he’s new – came to the Hellmouth all the way from England. Giles, you’ll be able to have a nice chat with him about the motherland. Anyway, he’s only young so he was just following his instincts in finding the place. It’s like when a teenage boy – Xander in puberty, for example – is dying to have sex. Well, Xander would’ve accepted it wherever it was available, which he did, or so I’m told.”

“Hey!”

“Oh, don’t be silly, Willow, I’m not talking about him kissing you when his hormones took over, I mean the actual willing loss of virginity and further sex from whoever offered.”

“Until you came along, I suppose.” Willow guessed what was coming next.

Anya scoffed. “Are you joking? I bagged Xander by turning up in his basement and stripping. Though for some girly reason he told me sex was about love and fidelity or some crap like that. He had me thinking he planned on being a virgin groom or something.”

All eyes turned to Xander, who was staring at Anya, agape. He looked shocked at what she just said. I don’t know why he’s surprised, thought Willow, it’s not like she’s never shared the details of their love-life before.

But it wasn’t that she’d shared the details of how they got together that Xander was surprised by, it was what she had claimed he’d said.

“Hello, faulty memory alert! First of all I never said anything about ‘love and fidelity.’ I said that there were usually feelings involved. Second, I didn’t want to feel like I was taking advantage of you or something.”

“Xander, it’s not like you slipped me a roofie or took me out for a night on the tiles at a cocktail bar and brought me home drunk and easy. I presented myself naked and asked you for sex. How exactly would you be taking advantage?”

“Hey - I was being noble! Most guys would have jumped you there and then!”

“Which, quite clearly, is what I wanted! Why else would I turn up in your dingy basement and strip? Because you offered me juice? If that was what it takes to bed someone, I’d have propositioned Buffy, Giles and Willow in the last two days!”

Oh dear God, thought Buffy, Giles and Willow. The three plus Tara watched the couple in silence, almost spellbound. It was very odd: they were having what sounded like should have been an argument, but were speaking in a perfectly casual tone. They could have been discussing the weather.

“First of all, eww. Second of all, eww, eww, eww. Third, I was being very generous. I offered you the last of my favourite juice. Finally, I was being nice telling you that sex should be about feelings instead of you dumping your dress while my back was turned. I was just afraid that if I did sleep with you, every orgasm would be punctuated with a new vengeance tale, like prom.” Here Xander’s tone changed, becoming more, well, sleazy. “And anyway, count yourself lucky, baby, you finally scored me. Aren’t you grateful? You hooked yourself a Viking in the sack.”

“Fine, yes, I’m lucky in the quality and frequency of orgasms department. Thank you for thorough and regular services. I’ve never run so smoothly.” She leant over and kissed Xander, who smiled and squeezed her hand affectionately.

Anya turned back to the speechless four. They were so quiet, she was sure she could hear crickets chirping. Ignoring this, she simply returned to her previous topic, picking up exactly where she’d left off.

“But Xander’s questionable choice of partner in the loss of his cherry isn’t the point here. The point is that, like a guy wanting to have sex no matter what, blissfully ignorant of whatever consequences there may be – I hope you were careful, Xander – this young Kabb didn’t exactly do his research into the place he was hitting. If he’d known, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have ended up putting the slayer’s best friend in a coma ‘cause, let’s face it, that slayer’s gonna be pretty pissed off.” She paused for breath. “Okay, so now that you understand, back to Marie. I’ve been chatting to her and I’m told she’s warned the scab. Now, she’s gonna make sure he shimmers his scaly butt in here to apologise, but after that we have three choices. We can either accept his apology, accept his apology and make him pay us for damages both personally and to the shop, or accept his apology, make him pay us for damages both personally and to the shop and have him killed. I myself would go with door number two, as I don’t really care about killing him but neither do I like having a broken shop and a scar on my head, and I can’t imagine that you’re going to enjoy hobbling around with a cane, Willow. Buffy can of course kill him if she likes, because she does like to kill demons in general, relatively harmless or not.”

“I don’t like to kill demons, Anya, it’s my job.”

“Tomato/ tomato, call it what you want. So, opinions? Xander and Giles, you’ve been affected too so you also get a say in this. Tara and Buffy, you haven’t so you don’t.”

“I think we should just accept the apology. I mean, if we ask for damages he’ll just have to break in somewhere else, right? And maybe break other people.”

“Ah Willow, he broke your rib and hip, but not your heart or spirit. Or whatever the saying is. But you’re right, it’s highly unlikely that he’s got anything tucked away under his mattress for a rainy day; I imagine that he’ll have to rob someone else to pay us back. And yes, the insurance did cover the shop and scar, and Xander is indeed doing a good job here, but the principle of reimbursement for money-related wrongdoings remains. Anyway, I’m meeting Marie tomorrow evening, you lot can think about it. Willow, you and I have the final say. Okay, I have some work to do, so I’ll let you all go home and mull it over. Now. Come by the shop by 3 tomorrow.”

As they all turned to leave, Anya called after Xander. “Excuse me, Mr Harris, that work involves you. My car needs servicing.”

Xander raised his eyebrows and winked at the rest before turning around. “I’ve got my tools with me, sweetheart. Why don’t you show me where you need fixing.”

Buffy groaned, Giles hurriedly removed his glasses and Willow turned to Tara.

“Is there any saying remotely close to ‘he broke your rib and hip, but not your heart or spirit’?”

[Chummy]

Hello we mis this story I hope you are still intrested in it.
plz update soon

[mishki]

ditto! this story cracks me up. must. read. more.

[leipreachan11]

First, mishki and Chummy, thank you; it's really just my laziness that's stopping me from getting the rest of this fic posted. I need a reminder every once in a while to get me into gear. Anyway, the end is nigh for the story so hopefully I'll maintain the discipline to get the rest of the chapters, all of which are short enough, up fairly soon.

All previous disclaimers re my owning nothing still unfortunately apply, as does the low rating. And so we have...


Chapter 30
Is an apology enough?

“So, what do you think about this Kabb?” Willow took a bite of her sandwich.

Buffy thought for a while as she sat curled up on the couch, the TV muted. “Well, it’s a tough decision. On the one hand, it was so scary seeing you in a coma. And Anya bandaged and the shop destroyed. Seems like he should be punished more than just saying sorry. On the other hand, I dunno about killing him, he doesn’t sound like a world-ending guy. The money thing, though… If he didn’t have to do the same to someone else just to pay you back, then I’d say bring it on, make him shower you with cash. I mean look at you, what he did. What does Tara say?”

“She said I have to decide myself. I was gonna ask your opinion and hers, as they’d be different, then see which makes more sense. We know what Anya wants, Xander will probably agree with her – he’s giving up all his spare time to work on the shop as a result of it, plus he got himself a scar out of it. Giles… I dunno, his shop was totally screwed up and he had to come all the way back here, seems like the poor guy can’t get away from us. He might agree with the money thing. Tara would probably say to accept his apology and leave it at that. And I’d like to be able to do that, but I didn’t really enjoy being in a coma again or having my hip broken. I dunno if money would make me feel better about that though, ‘cause the insurance took care of it. Plus I’ve got to see Tara for all this time. I wish there was some other way that we could make him be under a favour to us.”

“What do you mean? Like he’d owe us one? Or a million?”

“Yeah. Maybe we could make him help us in future, if we needed to see what was in a building or something, we could have him shimmer in. Or other stuff like that.”

“We might be able to work that one out. Maybe he could use that intuition for good. I’ll ask Giles, good idea though. I’m sure I’d be able to convince him to help us. I’m thinking Anya’s friend is pretty persuasive, I’m sure she could encourage him too.”

-

“So you don’t want any money from the demon that put you in a coma and broke multiple bones? You don't want any money?” Anya repeated, looking at Willow disbelievingly. Willow had consulted Giles, who agreed that having some sort of partnership with a demon with the Kabb’s unique powers could indeed be very useful to them. She had anticipated having some trouble explaining to Anya the concept that she didn’t want to be reimbursed for her troubles, but this was verging on the ridiculous. Willow sighed.

“Anya, can I talk to you alone for a minute? Like, in the back?”

“Fine. Maybe you can explain this to me again.” The pair moved into Buffy’s training room, where Willow thought she might have a better chance of explaining some of her reasons, away from the Scoobies. She faced Anya, and took deep breath.

“Are you happy? With Xander, now that you’re back together, for all intents and purposes, and we’re all hanging out again, are you happy? Or at least happier than you were a couple of months ago.”

Anya seemed confused. “Well… this seems a bit personal, but I guess I’m happier. I mean, I’m not miserable like I was.” She paused, and her faced cleared, and with a hint of a smile and a confident voice, said “Yes, Willow, I’m happy. I may not be married, but I’m with Xander, and he makes me happy. And after my birthday, I expect to be ecstatic for quite a while…”

Willow had no idea what this last comment meant, so as Anya stared into the distance, apparently caught up in some daydream, she thought about the best way to make the self-confessed slave to capitalism understand her point of view.

“Okay, and what got you back with Xander? Maybe it was inevitable, maybe you two are meant to be together, but the catalyst was the accident, wasn’t it? And you know Tara didn’t talk to me before I was put in hospital; now we’re going for walks in the park together. For once, you and me are the same; I was miserable without her, and although I may not be ‘with’ her now, at least I talk to her every day. I'm not dancing on the roofs, literally or metaphorically, but I'm a lot happier now than I was, just like you. I’m not saying that my ideal way of getting her to talk to me or making you and Xander a couple again is to get us all beaten up, but can’t you see the positives that have come from this whole incident? There’s no need for the Kabb to break into somewhere else just to compensate us – those victims mightn’t be as lucky as us. So how’s about we just leave it at an apology from him, and he’s under a favour to us. He'd be kind of like Spike, except we wouldn’t have to pay him to do stuff. How does that sound?”

Willow could see the wheels turning in Anya’s head. “I do see your point Willow. You’re a romantic really, aren’t you?” Just as Willow breathed a sigh of relief – and surprise, that she had won the ex-demon over by using logic – the sentence was followed by “So, just to clarify, there would be absolutely no compensation?”

Luckily, Willow had anticipated this, and reached into her pocket. “Okay, as long as I have your silence, as in you don’t tell Tara that I don’t mind having been in a coma if it means she’s talking to me, 'cause that might freak her out, the $25.35 I have in my wallet is all yours. Deal?”

“Interesting. You’ve lowered yourself to bribery. An important part of capitalism, though you can hear my views on that later. Okay, deal, but if they ask me how you got me to give in, we’ll say you’re under a favour to me. Although that does have sexual connotations, so maybe it’s not such a good idea.” Looking at Willow’s aghast face, Anya couldn’t help herself. “At the same time, that may worry Tara into thinking you’re moving on, and force her to finally make a move on you. What do you think? Actually no, knowing you two right now, even that wouldn’t do the trick, so, let’s just go with a half-truth. You bribed me, no further information necessary. Why do you look so shocked? Let’s go, there’s apologies to order!” Pocketing the pay-off, she snapped her fingers in front of Willow’s face and dragged the girl to the curious Scoobies.

Anya announced their mutual decision with a smile, something that shocked the gathered group just as much as the decision itself. She noted the surprise on each of their faces, except for her Xander, who looked at her with nothing but pride. While $25.35 may not exactly match the windfall she had anticipated, Anya had realised something thanks to Willow’s explanations. She was very, very happy.

And determined to make the blind, clueless lesbians equally so.

[jay/wt4evr]

I caught up with the story and yay! it's amazing let's go and un-clueless..uhm...clue in those two!

[PolarBear]

Good job! I really liked the interaction between Willow and Anya, and not only in the latest chapter. Even if they're not the best friends, they seem to get along very well and trust each other completely, and that's something you don't see very often, neither in fics or on the show.

I hope you'll update again soon.

[spells42]

Just want to say I'm enjoying your story - it's fun. Love the dialogue, especially if Anya's involved.

Looking forward to more
Anne

[WillowRulez]

Loved the bit about Nothing compares 2 U. And I just broke up with someone (no real dumping though it was mutual) so I am a total sucker for these kind of songs now.
I think it was really necessary that Tara told Willow that she wouldnt leave again.
Anya talking about Xander's... sex drive... hihi... priceless.
Enjoyed the Willow & Anya talk too. I always wanted to see them both share more scenes together in the show.
Sorry for not leaving feedback any sooner but as you can tell, life's been a bitch (and continues to be one).
Cant wait for Anya to carry her mission out hehe

[leipreachan11]

Thanks for the feedback guys, it's always appreciated. I find it interesting how many people really enjoy Willow-Anya interaction, good or bad, in fics.

WillowRulez, sorry to hear about the break-up, even if it was mutual. You're right, even when I'm not the dumpee, I find misery songs like Nothing Compares 2U manage to find their way onto my stereo's CD repeat program.


Chapter 31
The evil dogs strike

“Well, Will, I never knew how eventful a walk in the park could be with you. They certainly should reconsider using the saying ‘a walk in the park’ for meaning stuff is easy.”

“Well, Tara and I never got assaulted by a Labrador. I think it’s your demon attraction thing. Evil dogs have now started attacking you.”

“Could be, could be. Thank God for the stick though. Speaking of Tara, she coming round for dinner?”

“Yes, she is,” answered Tara as she walked into the sitting-room. Willow instantly beamed. “Xander, why are your trousers torn?”

“An evil dog attacked us in the park. There we were, strolling along, whistling a jaunty tune when suddenly this Labrador jumped us.”

“Jumped you?”

“Yes, he was very interested in Xander’s boy parts. So poor Xander tried the bear approach by standing really still but that totally didn’t work so I poked the dog with my stick and the owner appeared and saw that and started shouting at us, threatening to call the cops for dog assault, whatever that is. So Xander was shouting back telling him that it was the dog that attacked us and could he not see that I had a walking stick so wasn’t in much of a condition to be accosted by a big fat dog. Then the owner shouted that his dog wasn’t fat and I was poking away at his second dog because it was nipping my leg and eventually Xander tried to kick the first dog off his leg so he wouldn’t be humping it or sniffing at his precious points. Then the second dog must have seen it or something because it bit Xander’s trousers so I tapped it with my stick. Then the owner saw us and really started shouting that nobody, NOBODY, not even a cripple, kicked or poked his dogs and that he was gonna kick the crap out of Xander so I stepped in and poked him and he fell over. Then his dogs went over to him so Xander told him that he’d wallop any dogs he saw again with that guy and that he was a psycho and then he poked the big dog with my stick and lifted me up like Superman but we ran away instead of flying. It was so much fun.”

“Wow, doesn’t sound like I could ever top that. Though last week you did notice that duck looking at you funny. I guess they should rethink the phrase-”

“A walk in the park! Tara, you and me – great minds think alike, huh?”

“Or ‘fools seldom differ’?”

“Oh yeah. That’s weird. I never thought of that one. It’s like ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’ versus ‘Out of sight, out of mind.’”

“Many hands make light work; Too many cooks spoil the broth,” contributed Willow.

“Birds of a feather flock together; Opposites attract,” added Tara.

“Uh…”

Skipping Xander’s turn, Willow suggested “The best things in life are free; There’s no such thing as a free lunch.”

“The pen is mightier than the sword; Actions speak louder than words,” said Tara, as Xander continued to scan his mental proverb database.

“Let me think…”

“Hold fast to the words of your ancestors; Wise men make proverbs and fools repeat them.” Willow paused and sniggered as Xander racked his brain. “A silent man is a wise one; A man without words is a man without thoughts.”

“Okay, first of all, that was just mean Will, a cheap shot. And after me saving you from an evil dog attack. You’re just lucky that Anya likes sewing since she got that ‘How to…’ guide when you were in hospital. Hopefully she can stitch my trousers back together. Second of all, it’s not normal for anyone under 80 to know as many proverbs as you two. I can only hope you needed them for some magical purpose. Third, Tara, regarding the walk in the park, let’s stick with the ‘great minds’ version, as I don’t know about you, but it’ll be the first time I’ll have been called one. Anyway, those food sayings have made me even hungrier, so let’s talk pizza toppings. The usual veg for you Tara, pepperoni for us? You always have to be different.”

“Well, what’s one man’s meat is another man’s poison.”

“But what’s good for the goose is good for the gander! And Harris walks away with the last word! Suck on that, Rosenberg!” Xander strutted off, beaming. A man without thoughts indeed. He had to remember the pizza place’s phone number, didn’t he? Speed dial 1.

--

I'd like to thank my granny for her contributions to the proverb section. She had many suggestions right off the top of her head to help me with my essay on contradictory sayings in everyday use, but I think that there are enough included here for this particular purpose. Of course, once you get her started on a topic she knows, my granny doesn't stop until she wears herself out, so I now also have quite a repertoire of sayings translated from Irish. I just thought I'd provide one I think that everyone should know, and put into common usage: Everyone is sociable until a cow invades his garden. Deep, huh?

[jay/wt4evr]

Wow that cracked me up now I won't go 4 a walk in the park the same way ever again
great story

[WillowRulez]

That was just too funny. Poor Xander

[leipreachan11]

First, a couple of responses, which I have been extremely lax at giving in the past and I apologise for that. Thank you to everyone who has read and especially taken the trouble to reply here despite how lazy I've become. I was sure I'd have the whole story up within a month or so and here I am, years later, still unfinished. I am the living definition of procrastion. But anyway, more of that later.

Wow that cracked me up now I won't go 4 a walk in the park the same way ever again

Yes, jay, people talk about walks in the park with great disregard for the dangers that lurk there. No-one seems to connect the dots from articles in the paper on swans biting someone's arm off or a chronic hayfever attack brought on by cut grass hospitalising another or elderly ladies treated for shock after seeing a flasher. The common denominator? Those people were all going for a walk in the park.

That was just too funny. Poor Xander

Thanks, WillowRulez. Poor Xander really was the butt monkey throughout the show, wasn't he?


On to the short update. I've set a reminder in my phone to update further, to make me focus on completing this story. The text is pretty much all written, it just needs some editing. It's pure sloth keeping me from finishing it.


Title: Need a Little Help With That?

Rating: Still nothing smutty so at a guess... PG-13?

Summary: Willow is out of hospital and recovering at a rate convenient to the timeline of the story. Doctors and physiotherapists etc reading this are please asked to leave at the door their knowledge of whether she should be crippled or have already fully healed. This is the Internet: logic is debatable. In other news, the culprit has made amends in a saying sorry sort of way, not the "We're rich!" compensation-based way Anya had anticipated, but what can you do?


Chapter 32
Cleaning Up


Later that evening, after copious amounts of pizza and barbecue ribs had been consumed and Willow and Xander had recounted their fun to everyone – Willow was pretty sure that she’d never said the word dog so many times in one evening – she was ready for bed. Letting out a huge yawn, she announced her sleepiness.

“Yeah, I’m up early tomorrow too. Floors don’t carpent themselves - ya gotta have you a fine-looking carpenter.”

“And it’s slaying time for Buffy. See you all tomorrow. Will, I’m off, so it’s my turn for park antics. Dogs, ducks – who knows what wacky adventure’s next? Tara, I think we’re going the Chinese route tomorrow – you coming over?”

“Would I miss my beef with broccoli?”

“Cool, see you then. ‘Night, Will.”

“See ya.” Willow and Tara were left together on clean-up duty. “You know, you don’t have to do this. I feel pretty guilty not being able to do much else around here; clearing the table is at least some sort of chore.”

“It’s traditional for the guest to help wash up. Or in this case, throw out a few boxes.” Willow tripped on the carpet and stumbled slightly. “Okay, we’re getting you to bed. I think I can manage one more box myself. And you’ve had a busy day, what with demon dogs and all.”

“Fine, I’ll see you tomorrow so?” I really need to be tucked in; fancy helping?

“You’re in a trippy mood, Rosenberg, I guess I’ll have to help you.” It’s such a hassle watching you change.

Willow walked slowly up the stairs; while she’d been in her wheelchair she had to sleep downstairs but she had insisted on returning to her bedroom now that she was free. Tara followed behind her, trying her hardest to concentrate on Willow’s feet and not her jean-clad butt. Even if she did force her eyes to not move north, the vision of Willow’s lovely little ankles and the beautiful feet attached to them were enough to distract Tara, resulting in her stopping abruptly on the stairs.

This did not go unnoticed as Willow reached the top and turned around to see Tara frozen, a dazed look on her face. She was pretty sure she knew what the look meant, as it had often been described to her by the Scoobies that this was what she looked like when she “shamelessly” (according to Anya) zoned out of the conversation around her hospital bed and thought of Tara. The fact that Tara herself was having these space-outs of course delighted Willow, but at the same time made her want to shake the other girl in frustration. If Tara was half as turned-on as Willow had been for the last three months, how could she not have acted on it? Willow didn’t want to be the one to make the first move in case Tara freaked out and left – seeing her, even if she couldn’t act on it, was infinitely better than not seeing her at all. Still, she needed some genuine release from the horniness. It wasn’t rare for her to scream into her pillow as soon as Tara left her bedroom. She honestly felt that she would explode if something didn’t happen – and soon.

Tara suddenly snapped out of her trance to find Willow sitting on the top step, staring at her. She coughed, embarrassed that she’d been caught in what was no doubt clearly a Willow-dream.

“Okay, sweetie, let’s get you to bed.”

[JujuDeRoussie]

Hey an update! I'm so happy!

A short one, but one none the less!

I do hope for them that they will soon stop being silly and understand they're Willow and Tara. Or Tara and Willow.

I'm surprised though, floor don't carpent themselves? I loved that line sorry.

It was nice. Thank you. Hope to read more soon but yes laziness is good too.

Friendly

Julia

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for good update-y goodness... I'm with Willow in wondering why Tara hasn't acted on her feelings yet... I hope she very soon does...

[WillowRulez]

The agony, the agony...
Hope Willow and Tara will talk soon!

[leipreachan11]

Thanks everyone. It seems the general consensus is that these ladies need to cop themselves on and get to the lovin'. And who am I to deny the people what they want? Sorry there's no actual smut but I have no doubt that any reader here can fill in the blanks...


Chapter 33
Finally!


“Ow.”

“You okay?” Tara had long ago given up any pretence of not looking in the mirror when she turned her back whenever Willow changed into her pyjamas.

“Yeah, I think that devil-dog just bit me a bit. Hope it didn’t have rabies.”

“Let me see.” Tara moved over to look at the back of Willow’s leg. “Just a scratch. I think you’ll live.” She still held Willow’s lower leg in her hands, and she looked up to see a pair of wide green eyes staring right back at her. Willow looked like a deer in the headlights, an expression she got only when she was very, very turned-on. Very. The pair’s heavy breathing was the only sound as Tara held Willow’s gaze for almost five minutes, her mind swirling. The many thoughts running through her mind had one common theme: pounce.

So she did.

Desperate as she was for it to happen, Willow was still shocked when Tara jumped her. Because that was literally what she did: one second she was stroking Willow’s calf, the next she had dived on top of her, her lips as desperate for Willow’s touch as hers were for Tara’s. In roughly 30 seconds, every garment getting in the way of skin touching skin had been discarded. Buttons flew around the room, shirts were ripped, another belt torn, all completely unnoticed by either girl.


There were no superlatives to describe the next few hours. Incredible, extraordinary, unbelievable; nothing came close. Eventually, the pair took a break, still wrapped around one another.

“That was… wow.”

“I don’t think ‘wow’ is nearly enough.”

“That almost made 3 months of horniness worth it. Almost. I think I passed out again.”

“Me too. I don’t think Dr Danny’d like to hear that his ex-coma patient is passing out.”

“He would too if he had you in bed.” They lay in silence for a few minutes.

“That lasted like five hours. D’you think Buffy’s home?”

“No, these days she usually stays out for longer than that. Why?”

“Just wondering. I’m pretty sure I’ve never screamed as loud as I did over the last couple of hours. At least Dawn’s at Janice’s, but I hope Buffy wasn’t here. The last time we made nearly that amount of noise was your birthday. That cost us a Discman and a stack of CDs before Dawn could look us in the eye. This time it’d probably have to be an iPod.”

“You’re right, we were probably a thousand times louder than then. My throat is hoarse. I believe that’ll have to be made better somehow.”

“I’ll think of a way to help you with that.” They were silent again, until Willow’s pent-up desire, in no way depleted by five hours of lovemaking, got the better of her.

“So… you tired?”

“Well, yes and no. It really depends on the question: if it’s ‘am I tired ‘cause there’s homework to do so we should get up,' then yes, I’m tired. If, on the other hand, it’s in an ‘am I tired ‘cause there’s other stuff to be done but we can do it in bed’ kinda way, then I’m pretty sure I can stay awake. Any particular reason you ask?”

“No, just curious. Now that you mention it though, there are several things that I can think of that we may be able to do staying here. Want me to show you?”


What seemed like hours later, limbs and bodies were finally disentangled as the two girls once again came up for air. They lay side by side until they both stopped panting.

“I don’t think I’ve ever sweated so much. We’ll have to wring out the mattress tomorrow.”

“I think that’d be today. Sun’s up.”

“Okay, we need to sleep. Else we won’t be able to do this tonight. If you hear anyone call us, ignore them. I can walk with Buffy another day: today, I’m busy.” Willow curled up into her very satisfied girlfriend's body and shut her brain off as it thought the word 'girlfriend.' That was a conversation (both with herself and with Tara) for another time. For now, she was just going to enjoy the post-supersex buzz she had ached for, for so long now.

Tara sighed contentedly and pulled her girlfriend closer to her. Girlfriend. It just sounded right.

[Zampsa1975]

Yay for great update-y goodness... Very good for our girls to act on their insticts and renewed their connection...

[sadie]

I'm relatively new to this fic, but I wanted to leave some feedback on the last "scene". I thought it was brilliant how it sorta comes as a surprise -- to both the reader AND the characters I would suspect... wow! Very much wow.

Thanks for sharing this story!

[Guest]

Hey leipreachan11,

Thumbing through these pages became quite an enjoyable activity. I liked the medical setting used in your story; nothing beats this motif for building on severed bonds. From Willow's sleepmoaning habits to Anya's spectacular reading sessions, I think you left nothing out as far as wit is concerned. And as sadie mentions, this end scene comes up as a nice surprise.

Thank you for writing this,

Vi'