Can't You See My Love

[writerfreak]

My apologies, viximon, I didn't see your feedback when I posted Chapter Four or it would have been included in my replies. I don't know how I missed it. I am very glad you are liking my fic. Hope you continue to read. Now for Chapter Four replies.

amberholic- It's good to be back. I took a break because I've not been at my best as of late. Lots of things going on in RL that block my way of writing. Willow's pain, while it wasn't the same as my own, it was a reflection of what I myself am going through. The amount of pain is the same, even if the situation is different. I'm glad you liked it.

BlackIndiaInk- Thank you for enjoying. Yes, I had to go with them always being able to sense each other, theres no other way that it could have worked in my head.

Dianne- What to say to you. I have no idea, other than thanks for kicking my ass. I got it into gear a bit, here is Chapter Five, which means two updates in less than a week. I haven't done that since I started this fic. Lol.

And to those who PMed me, thank you for your feedback as well.

Title: Can't You See My Love
Author: writerfreak
Email Address: writerfreakchick@aol.com
Rating: PG-13/R/NC-17
Disclaimer: The idea was mine. Everything you recognize probably doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Joss Whedon or ME.
Feedback: Yes, please, if you will. Don't be afraid to be harsh if it really sucks.
Summary: My fave fics are the ones that start after Tara leaves. I love make-up stories. So I'm writing one and hoping I can do it justice. It's AU. Though some parts may follow canon.
Dedication: This chapter, I'm dedicating differently. I have decided that I want to dedicate this one to the cast of Buffy itself even if they never read it, or it seems childish of me. But then again, if it weren't for them, none of this would have come to be. Specifically Amber Benson and Alyson Hannigan. So this one is for them.
Notes: Spoken words are bolded. Thoughts in italics. It's my first multi-chapter story so bear with me. It might take a while to get to the together part but obviously they will be together. I'm a song-writer above all, so be warned that most of my stuff will contain lyrics I've written, as it was with “What Makes You”.
Notes 2: Again, my apologies for the delay with the chapter. It's not going to be nice and pleasant, its going to get dark. Fair warning, it will get much worse before the sweetness and light come along. There is going to be a lot of pain, but in the end, as always, they WILL be together.

Chapter Five

Tara slowly managed to make her feet move to the living room, seating herself on the couch with the letters right in front of her. "Dawn," she spoke slowly "call everyone and get them here." Dawn rushed off to make the calls while Tara picked up one envelope, just one. The one addressed with her name. She held it as if it were fragile in her hands. As if she were afraid of it. Dawn came back into the room after a few minutes to see Tara still sitting with the envelope in her hands, just staring at it. "They are on their way", she finally said. Tara didn't look up, just nodded. Dawn moved to sit next to Tara, just being there. She wound her arm through Tara's and asked "Are you gonna read it?" Tara sat there for a moment, before slowly nodding her head. She turned the envelope over and finally broke the seal, removing one single sheet of paper.

Tara,
I wish I had enough words to apologize from now until forever for what I have done to you. I know it would never be enough if I did. I've hurt everyone so deeply that I can't even really begin to try. I think its best if I am just not here. I need to be anywhere but here. I can't live with waking up in that bedroom every single day without you there with me. Seeing you everywhere I go, even if you aren't there. This place, this town, it holds so much of us that I can't be in it without you by my side. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. For everything. Just please, please, know that I love you. I meant it when I said you are my always. You are my forever. My soulmate. You always will be, and I'm so sorry I messed things up. There will never be another in my life, its all for you. Please don't try to find me. You won't. Take care of everyone.

With all my love,
Willow

Tears streamed down Tara's face after reading it. Dawn had respectfully averted her eyes so that Tara could have her privacy, and wouldn't read the letter unless asked to. Tara stood slowly and walked up the stairs. Going to that bedroom, she needed to be where she could feel Willow the most. She barely registered hearing the front door open, and quietly close. She heard the quiet voices coming from downstairs and sat in her own quiet solitude for a few moments longer before standing and starting downstairs to join them. When she stepped off that last stair and turned to enter the living room she saw everyone. They were gathered there around the coffee table, each holding a letter. Buffy, Dawn, Xander, Anya and Giles all had letters. Buffy, always the strongest, opened hers first and read aloud.

Buffy,
I'm sorry. I can't say how sorry I am, but I am so sorry. Everything I did, as far as I went, is beyond my own scope. I don't know how I could have. That's why I'm leaving. To give you all the space you need. You don't really need me around, you've got Tara. She's a much better witch than I ever was. And she's really good at research too. Please don't try to find me. I don't want to be found. Take care of everyone for me. I love you, Buffy. You are truly the sister I never had.

Love,
Willow

Buffy folded her letter closed slowly, fighting back tears. She looked around to see who was next and found that Giles was opening his own letter. He had decided to follow Buffy's example, and be strong as well.

Giles,
I've let you down so much. This isn't the path I was supposed to take. I've lost so much of who I used to be and I don't know how to get it back. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you, or to Tara, when I knew I was getting in too deep. I know I should have, but I was so far gone that I didn't realize I had a problem. I really am so sorry I didn't listen. Things wouldn't be this way if I'd had enough sense to. You only tried to help. That's why you are the father to us all. The one we all longed for but never had. Thank you for that.

Love,
Willow

None of them could pretend to hold back the tears after those two letters. There were 3 left to be read and they had no idea how they were going to get through them. Anya decided to jump in next. She didn't like everyone hurting and crying so much even if they didn't like her. She knew Willow wouldn't have much to say to her.

Anya,
I know I hurt you too, in some ways. I'm sorry for it. I don't have many words for you. I don't know you that well but you are a Scooby. That means you are in my heart forever. And you love Xander. I couldn't ask for anything else for my best friend. I want him to be happy, and you make him happy and safe and loved. Take care of him for me. Of all of them.

Love,
Willow

There was silence as the letter ended. No one expected Willow to have nice words to say to Anya, knowing the tension she always shared with her. Telling Anya to take care of Xander was a bit of approval. One that was never expected to be given from Willow. With that, Xander decided to speak up and read his next.

Xander,
When we started school together, I broke the yellow crayon. You saved me then, and I wish you could have saved me now, when it wasn't a crayon but Tara's heart. And my own. You are my best friend, you always will be. If there is one person I trust everything with it is you. I don't deserve your forgiveness, nor do I seek it. Just know that I'm sorry. So sorry. I hope you will take care of her for me. Give her an ear, a hug, whatever she needs, please just be there for her. She's my everything. I love you, Xander. And please, don't try to search for me.

Love,
Willow

Tears were streaming down his face ten times faster after reading Willow's letter. He looked over at Tara and noticed the same look in her eyes. Such sadness, such grief at her leaving. And the letters didn't help. They solidified the fact that she was gone and didn't intend on returning. Ever. The only letter left was Dawn's. She didn't waste much time opening it, but her voice was weak as she read it aloud.

Dawnie,
To you most of all I am sorry. You and Tara deserve it the most. I hurt every single one of you, but you two the most. Seeing me like that was never supposed to happen. It wasn't supposed to be possible. But you did because I put you there. In that situation. I'm so sorry it ever happened. That any of this ever happened. I never meant for it too. I think of you as a little sister Dawnie, and I'm going to miss watching you grow into the smart, beautiful woman I know you will be. Don't take things for granted. I love you Dawnie.

Love,
Willow

The scoobies all took time and absorbed what they read. Some silently crying, others silently reflecting. Each one of them coming to an unknown unanimous decision. It was Buffy who spoke first, "We have to find her." They all moved immediately. Some in Xander's car, some in Giles'. They drove to the Magic Box, both cars in complete silence the whole way. When they got there it was still mostly silence, but for Xander ordering the pizza. They stood around for a moment. Tara looked around slowly at them all and slowly spoke,"I need her. I don't know what I'm going to do with her gone, so we have to find her." And so the search for Willow begun......

TBC.......

writerfreak

[BlackIndiaInk]

You did a great job on those letters. I liked that Tara went up to the room after reading her letter. I would have done the same. Now... where in the heck could she be. Is she still in the state or the country... or THIS world? Hmm.. I can't wait to see how they find her.

Brea

[Willowtree252]

all I can say is that I am sitting her in tears my friend and I am in pain for all of them I can,t wait for more so keep your ass in gear cause this is wonderful

[amberholic]

hey there Writer, i kinda missed you posting an update, had a problem with my conenction...Anyway, I really loved the letters parts, some sentences were touchinng, the way u've put urself in Willosw's shoes and tried to understand each one's feelings there, and the suitable words for the is really amazing...

I need to be anywhere but here.This place, this town, it holds so much of us that I can't be in it without you by my side.

Well The pain here is so much evident, she doesnt wanna be any place near the persons she knew...yet she crave for their forgiveness....
I wonder sometimes, when the pain becomes so much unbearable, even when a person does a mistake, is this the way they should be treated???..And what kind of mistakes deserve to make u an outcast... Where is the love they talked about it for her... Regardless this story, which is way good portraying the pain and every reaction that willows words could elicite, I really wana know whats the mistakes we do will deprive us from the people we love...and after they leave we want them back?

Anyway, I hope u will update soon, and whatever ur going through will end soon....
All my good wishes goes to u....

[writerfreak]

BlackIndiaInk- Thank you very much. Its going to be a long hard road ahead.

Dianne- My apologies for making you cry dear friend. You know my ass is in gear, 3 updates in less than a week, soon to be four. I'm definitely in gear lol.

amberholic- Thank you for your well wishes and I'm glad you like it.


Title: Can't You See My Love
Author: writerfreak
Email Address: writerfreakchick@aol.com
]Rating: PG-13/R/NC-17
Disclaimer: The idea was mine. Everything you recognize probably doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Joss Whedon or ME.
Feedback: Yes, please, if you will. Don't be afraid to be harsh if it really sucks.
Summary: My fave fics are the ones that start after Tara leaves. I love make-up stories. So I'm writing one and hoping I can do it justice. It's AU. Though some parts may follow canon.
Dedication: This is to Sapphire eyes and Boschi, thank you so much for your words at this time. Without them I would not be as well as I am.
Notes: Spoken words are bolded. Thoughts in italics. It's my first multi-chapter story so bear with me. It might take a while to get to the together part but obviously they will be together. I'm a song-writer above all, so be warned that most of my stuff will contain lyrics I've written, as it was with “What Makes You”.
Notes 2: Again, my apologies for the delay with the chapter. It's not going to be nice and pleasant, its going to get dark. Fair warning, it will get much worse before the sweetness and light come along. There is going to be a lot of pain, but in the end, as always, they WILL be together.

Chapter Six

While the Scoobies started their research, Willow was hiding out in a motel just outside of town. She had purposely chosen one of the run-down ones so that she could pay cash and leave no paper trail of her being there. She sat on her laptop and hacked into the Sunnydale Police Department's archives. She needed a new identity and there were lots of missing persons reports. Of course no one knew that most of those people had died of mysterious neck injuries and risen as vampires. Probably ones Buffy herself had dusted, or Spike. She was looking for a girl around her age. She could alter everything else to suit her. She searched for a bit, but it didn't take long to find what she was looking for. Soon she had everything she needed mailed to a P.O Box that wouldn't be traceable for much longer. She had to pick up the information and then she was cancelling it and gone. She made sure there was no way they could find her. She knew Tara would try every way she could think of magically so she had masked herself. She didn't like using magic even if it was based in light but it would have to do until the amulet she had found on eBay got in. She gave momentary thought to what an injustice that was but dismissed it quickly. The rest would have to do it the old fashioned way, which is where all the work she was doing came in.

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At the Magic Box, the Scoobies were at a loss. Tara was sitting trying to concentrate on the "tiny tinkerbell light" but it wasn't working. All it would do is float in front of her and fade. She kept trying, thinking that maybe all the noise was distracting her. Behind her Buffy, Giles, and Xander were arguing. Anya, as always, was at the register counting the money to keep herself occupied. She paused in her task long enough to listen to the bickering for a moment, taking comfort in the familiarity of the noise even if the words were drowned out to avoid the pain. She took a few minutes to calm and clear her mind before focusing her mind yet again. And yet again it didn't work. Tara was really frustrated. She moved off the table and paced about. Her steps quick and showing her anger. The rest of the Scoobies were quick to notice she had stopped trying and was now trying to pace a groove in the floor. They moved at once to try and calm her. Giles was the first to speak, "What would you like us to do Tara?" She paced a bit more before finally looking at him and saying, "I don't know Mr. Giles." Her shoulders slumped and her hair fell forward covering her face, as it always did when she was ashamed or shy. She also stuttered when she spoke, "W-w-where d-do you think w-we should start?" Giles looked stunned, he had no idea what to do. Willow was the one that was the hacker, she could find anything. He didn't even know how to work one of those infernal machines. Tara had already tried the ways she knew how to find Willow and those hadn't worked. "I would guess we need to start asking around, showing her picture. Maybe at the airport nearby, see if her parents had a car at their house that she took, or a train. Maybe." Buffy chimed in, "Oh, I could call Angel. He might have someone good with the computer stuff. See if they find something." Tara just nodded. She was too choked up to try to speak.

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Two weeks later.....

They were all gathered back at the Magic Box. It seemed they spent all their time there lately. Endlessly searching and coming up with nothing. No one had really turned up anything except one person at the train station recognized Willow's photo. Too bad that girl didn't know which train Willow had gotten on, she had only seen her there. After that Buffy had called Angel and had him focus on trains, but it turned up nothing. It seemed she had disappeared into the wind. There wasn't a trace of her anywhere.

TBC.....

[Willowtree252]

Dibs wow I feel bad for Tara she is lost but then again so is Willow waiting for you to give me back my broken heart my friend it bleeds for our girls.

[mag]

well now tara wants willow?? now the gang needs willow?? maybe willow needs this break from her "friends" and find a new world for a while.

see you soon

mag

[Darkness]

Is it wrong to love stories with lots of angst in it? I do, cause the raw emotions involved helps me forget about my own problems. Stories like this, with Willow disappering tend to bring the scattered group together, and I love every minute of it.

You said that the re-union wouldn't be so soon to expect, and that's fine with me. I don't mind if Willow manages to remain hidden for quite a few chapters. Let us see how the scoobies deals with her abscence, Tara, Dawn and Buffy more than the others.

[Emms]

Wow. Okay. I've missed some updates .... bad baaaaad me. I leave you some much deserved feedbacky goodness when I get back from Vegas (my flight leaves tonight and I have a lot of stuff to do before then) but I wanted to leave a note and let you know that I'm still around.

xoxo
Emms

[writerfreak]

Dianne-Sorry to break that dear heart my friend. I'll fix it soon enough.

mag- Yes, a break well needed and gotten. Thanks for reading.

Darkness- No I don't think its wrong. I personally love them. She isn't going to remain hidden for a long time, she shows her face (see following chapter) but we shall see what happens next.

Emms- How was Vegas? I was there myself last year and I loved every second of it. It's okay to miss a few chapters. I don't mind. I'm glad you're still around cause things are gonna heat up, in a while, dunno whether a short or long one.



Title: Can't You See My Love
Author: writerfreak
Email Address: writerfreakchick@aol.com
Rating: PG-13/R/NC-17
Disclaimer: The idea was mine. Everything you recognize probably doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Joss Whedon or ME.
Feedback: Yes, please, if you will. Don't be afraid to be harsh if it really sucks.
Summary: My fave fics are the ones that start after Tara leaves. I love make-up stories. So I'm writing one and hoping I can do it justice. It's AU. Though some parts may follow canon.
Dedication: This is to all my friends and family, the ones that don't come on this site. Kris, Mel, Emma, and one who does come here Dianne. You all know how to keep my ass from shutting down like I always do. You don't let me lock myself up tighter than Fort Knox with my emotions like I used to do and probably still would if you didn't stop me. Thank you.
Notes: Spoken words are bolded. Thoughts in italics. It's my first multi-chapter story so bear with me. It might take a while to get to the together part but obviously they will be together. I'm a song-writer above all, so be warned that most of my stuff will contain lyrics I've written, as it was with “What Makes You”.
Notes 2: Again, my apologies for the delay with the chapter. It's not going to be nice and pleasant, its going to get dark. Fair warning, it will get much worse before the sweetness and light come along. There is going to be a lot of pain, but in the end, as always, they WILL be together. Oh, and sorry its short.

Chapter Seven

Two years later......

Willow stepped off the plane into the unknown. Two years since she had been in the town she used to call home. It was so strange to be back. Two years ago she had made a promise to herself that she wouldn't ever come back. "Your mother dying tends to change that," Willow thought bitterly. She had never been close to her parents. Coming back was really only out of that small sense of remorse. She wished they could have known her better, and her them. Some things just weren't meant to be. She was here just to pay her respects. Show her face at the funeral, say goodbye, and leave.

She walked through the airport at a hurried pace. All she wanted was to get this over with and go home. Say as little as possible to those whos paths crossed hers, and just get it over with. Then she could go back to her quiet solitude. It was going to be a hard day. She made her way over to the car rental area to pick up the small car she had reserved. Paperwork had to be finished, keys had to be retrieved. That was the easy part. Things that had to be done. Steps, everything had to be done in steps. Complete them and she could go home. That was how she viewed it. There was little room for unknown variables.

She finally finished at the rental place and walked slowly out to a car that had been brought around. Stuffing her bag in the trunk before getting in and starting it up. She still remembered these streets so well. Two long years and nothing had changed. She drove slowly as she navigated her way to her fathers house. She didn't want or need to rush. Get this over with and get out, thats what she kept repeating to herself. Like a mantra. She turned onto her fathers street and almost stopped the car on the corner. She wasn't ready for this. To be in this town, to see him. Nothing had prepared her for this. She didn't know how to deal with her father, or deal with her mother's death.

She continued driving but slowed her speed quite a bit, dragging it out so that she took as long as possible. So she didn't have to spend that little more time with him. She finally reached the driveway and parked the car. Getting out slowly, she left her bag there and went to the house. It felt odd to do it but she knocked on the door. She didn't live here anymore, and was practically a stranger to her father. He answered the door after a moment. He looked as if he had been crying. His eyes took her in slowly, as if measuring her. The same way hers did him, noting the dark circles under his eyes and the way for the first time in her life she saw him looking less than his best. His shirt wasn't tucked into his slacks, his tie was hanging around his neck. He choked on his words when he tried to speak, "W- Willow." She didn't have time to respond before being pulled into a hug.

They'd exchanced little small talk. Empty words. He'd told her of the accident, and broken down a bit. She sat there staring straight ahead the whole time. She continued sitting, staring, as he excused himself to finish getting ready. She couldn't even cry at the thought of this woman, her mother, dying. It hurt a bit, more than she expected. It just didn't seem as if it should hurt that much. A woman she was never close to. What her father had neglected to mention was that Tara would be at the funeral. Willow didn't know. She was unaware that after she disappeared Tara went to her parents. In due time they all came to lean on each other during Willow's extended absense. Willow was about to find out....

TBC.....

writerfreak

[Willowtree252]

Are you nuts leaving me hanging and here I thought we were tight!!!! you are so killing me stop I can feel the train wreck coming around the bend. Pain is up ahead you have now entered the Kindred zone

[amberholic]

hey there writer

Sorry I have missed a couple of updates i didnt read before...I was totally overwhelmed with the preparation of my b.day which occured on 11th may.... Anyway I wanted to say that your story is really beautiful, I like it a lot and the last update was really good...I like how you put their thoughts on paper, simple full of emotions yet so complicated without even forgetting their effects and how they can easily pinpoint all the pain and angsty dwelling in each chartacher's heart and mind...

I am looking forward for the upcoming updates, I reckon they will be angsty, I cant wait to see how you will capture the feelings of the different characters, especially Tara's and Willow's.

As usually Writer, I wish u good luck and I Hope the next update will be posted soonish....


Amberholic...

[writerfreak]

Dianne: Yes I must be nuts. I still love that quote. Pain is up ahead you have entered the Kindred Zone.

amberholic:It's okay. Things have been hectic with me as well. May 11th is my girl's birthday too. I'm glad for your continued feedback and following of this story. You gave me quite a compliment in that last FB. Thank you so much for reading.

Title: Can't You See My Love
Author: writerfreak
Email Address: writerfreakchick@aol.com
Rating: PG-13/R/NC-17
Disclaimer: The idea was mine. Everything you recognize probably doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Joss Whedon or ME.
Feedback: Yes, please, if you will. Don't be afraid to be harsh if it really sucks.
Summary: My fave fics are the ones that start after Tara leaves. I love make-up stories. So I'm writing one and hoping I can do it justice. It's AU. Though some parts may follow canon.
Dedication: This is to everyone missing someone. I know I certainly am.
Notes: Spoken words are bolded. Thoughts in italics. It's my first multi-chapter story so bear with me. It might take a while to get to the together part but obviously they will be together. I'm a song-writer above all, so be warned that most of my stuff will contain lyrics I've written, as it was with “What Makes You”.
Notes 2: Darkness runs deeper and deeper in me right now so it will probably reflect in this. I hope it isn't too horrible. It will get better with time, I promise. Oh, and its long to make up for my shortness with the previous chapter. Oh and quoting Dianne. Pain is up ahead you have entered the Kindred Zone.

Chapter Eight

Tara busied herself getting ready for Sheila's funeral. All the Scoobies were going. The Rosenbergs had reached out to them after Willow's disappearance. All of them leaning on each other for support. They had been filled with remorse about missing out on so much in Willow's life and blamed themselves for everything that had happened because they weren't there enough. She would miss her talks with Sheila and Ira. She doubted they would talk as much anymore with Sheila gone. It would hurt too much with just two of them instead of 3.

Xander would be here in about ten minutes. Tara was almost ready and was betting Buffy and Dawn would both be at least 5 minutes running behind. They were all dreading the day. Wondering if Willow would show up, if she even knew or had bothered to check up on them. They all knew the hacker could find out if she really wanted to. Tara herself wasn't really sure if she wanted Willow to be there or not. Wasn't sure if she wanted Willow to know about it or not. Part of her was dying inside to see her, just to know she was okay. The other part was still so angry at her for leaving like that.

Tara had spent much of the past two years searching endlessly for Willow. No clues had ever turned up, and no leads had ever surfaced on where she might be or who she might be. Even who she might be with. They were all clueless as to what could have happened to her. Worst-case scenario was she had went to magic again, and gotten herself killed. That hurt Tara too much to think about. She also could have gotten clean from magic and just left thinking it was better for everyone, and that was also very painful. Neither option was one Tara liked. She prefered to just imagine that something had happened and Willow didn't remember.

She had been so lost in thought that she didn't notice Buffy calling her saying Xander was here and it was time to go until Buffy came upstairs and walked in the room giving her a hug. " We all wonder too, if she will be here Tare. Buffy squeezed her lightly in a hug again and they walked out of the room together. Time for the service. Time to find out if she would be there.
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The time to leave for the service was here, and Willow was dreading it. She felt horrible but she was. She didn't really know her mother all that well so going didn't feel right but it was her mother after all. Most of all what she was dreading was not knowing who would be there. Buffy, Xander, she didn't know. She didn't really think Buffy would go but Xander might if he knew about it. They had grown up together after all. Spent lots of time at Willow's house because Xander didn't like people being around his parents and hers were hardly ever there. She wasn't really sure she wanted any of them to be there. To see her. After she had disappeared she didn't know if they'd want to. She hadn't sent any letters or tried to call since she'd left. She didn't know if they had tried looking for her.

Her father finally appeared ready and held the door for her as they left. There was no attempt at small talk or conversation. Both knowing that they didn't really know each other or have anything at all to talk about. The car was the most uncomfortable part. The ride seemed to take forever and neither of them knew what to say or express. They sat there in uncomfortable silence the whole way. She couldn't tell what her father was thinking, but she herself sat there wondering what it would be like. Who would be there, and if she would be expected to be anything but indifferent about the whole thing. She kept thinking that she would hardly recognize anyone, not remembering the faces of any of her parents colleagues. She faintly wondered if anyone of them, including her parents, had noticed she hadn't been around, or been told of it. She didn't like the thought that people might think she shouldn't be there because she'd left and not said a word about it.

They were among the first to arrive, of course. Her father went to greet people and thank them for coming and Willow couldn't bring herself to join him. She was here out of obligation, not because she was anything special to them. She just sat in her chair staring at the closed coffin. Trying to feel some sense of, well, anything but polite indifference. She just couldn't bring herself too. Her thoughts wandered to the Scooby gang. She missed them a lot, but she knew she had destroyed everything and thought they would never welcome her back again.

Soon the place was filled and it was time. Willow never turned to notice the Scoobies sitting near the back, and there were too many people in the way for them to see that brilliant red hair.

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Tara sat at the back with the Scoobies. They weren't able to see much of the front row because so many people had turned out. The sadness was almost overwhelming here. So many people had admired Sheila for her work or her friendship. She was a woman that had amazing insight with everything except her own daughter until she disappeared. Tara had often felt sorry for the Rosenbergs because they never seemed to understand until after she was gone. Then it seemed as if they understood all too well and felt so guilty about the things that had happened with their lives. She could barely see Ira from here and could see that he was crying, his shoulders shaking with each sob. She wanted to go to him and hug him. She imagined a lot of others did to so she remained in her seat.

The minister was polite enough in his speeches and it was soon time to head to the cemetary. Xander was driving in the procession so they all exited and entered the car slowly. More focussed on the quiet sadness and inner reflection than noticing the flash of red that passed by the car as Willow and Ira walked to the front of the line of cars to theirs. Tara felt that unmistakable feeling that only happened when Willow was around, but by the time she looked up they were out of sight. She wondered if she was just imagining things because she wanted it to have happened.

The ride was quiet, but no tears were shed. Tara didn't think she had any left in her anymore. For anything. They arrived rather quickly, all gathering around. It was then that Tara looked up and almost fainted at the sight in front of her. There she was, Willow. She looked older, and had an air of confidence she hadn't had before. Her hair was longer but still the same beautiful red it had been. She looked the same yet completely different. She stood by Ira's side, her face a mask of indifference. Tara's eyes filled with tears she didn't think she had, and she stared and couldn't be sure but she thought she might have said her name.

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Willow's mind had wandered through it all. From work to life to Scoobies and wondering how they were. She thought of everything. She wondered how much things had changed around here even though they looked the same as when she left. Appearances could be decieving. She operated as if on autopilot. Not really paying attention but moving along as she was expected to. She stood when her father stood, walked when he walked. She wasn't really sure how it happened and how it had moved so fast but the next thing she knew they were headed to the car.

She barely recognized it but she got the feeling she always used to get when Tara was around. She didn't really think Tara knew enough about her parents to be at the funeral but maybe she was in the area. Willow refused to get her hopes up that she might see her again. She didn't think she deserved that. She and her father got into the relative calm of the car. Both too lost in their own thoughts to notice the discomfort this time. The ride was slow and over way too fast for Willow's liking. This is it, she kept thinking, The moment I see if anyone is really here.

Willow walked slowly with her father to the site. She dreaded these moments because she felt way too exposed in front of everyone. She wasn't sure she wanted anyone to be there still, even in these last moments before she found out. She longed to see them, to see Tara. God she had missed all of them so much, especially her. It filled all her days and nights no matter what she was doing. Missing Tara was like breathing, they both hurt so much. She got that feeling again, Tara. She had to be around here somewhere.

Then Willow felt eyes on her, and her hearing picked up on that voice she had missed so much very softly saying her name. "Willow." She looked up and her eyes locked on a familiar set of blue eyes that she had longed to see once again. She barely noted that they were filled with tears as her own did the same thing. They stood staring through out the last of the services. If you had asked either of them what happened they wouldn't have known. Too caught up in staring at each other, drinking in the sight they had both longed for over the last two years. Willow didn't notice the others by Tara's side. Didn't notice them staring as well.

The whole thing was over too soon and everyone was still standing there. Willow didn't notice her father step away to talk to anyone. The Scoobies and Willow just stood staring. Waiting for someone to make the first move....

TBC......

writerfreak

[Willowtree252]

Dibs OMFG you are so in there heads this is what would have happend and now I am sitting feeling it all and wondering when you will relive us of this pain my frined as always I am with you and Rach

[amberholic]

hey writer

What can I say...u didnt dissapoint me whatsoever in this update, in each installement u reveal sth new, sth deep about you...you caught all the feelings the both characters left in this kind of situation...there was fear, trepidation, pain, excitement....I really like your update, and appreciate how you showed the angst in it, even btw the lines i could feel the emotions flowing there....

I applaud you, this great work, and all the energy u put to dscribe all this situation from all its angles....keep up the goood work...I am waiting the next update...

Amberholic...

[Emms]

Woot! The update's done!! *runs off to read*

xoxo
Emms

[JujuDeRoussie]

hello here ^^

I know it is the first time I write you a feedback... it just you made me cry so I never knew what to write.. but here I wanted to let you know I enjoy your story and wait for more

[writerfreak]

Dianne: Well dear, you know me and my knack for pain and feeling it all too well. It will get better I promise, although you were right, with that saying about entering the Kindred Zone. I swear that one will always stick with me. It does get better, a bit, this chapter.

amberholic: Well, I'm glad you learn something new about me everytime I write. If my writing didn't reflect me I wouldn't be much of a writer.

Emms:Yes, its done, as well as this next chapter. Hope you like/liked them.

JujuDeRoussie:Well, I'm glad you have joined the feedback party, but I am sorry I made you cry. I'm glad you enjoy it and I hope you keep reading.

Title: Can't You See My Love
Author: writerfreak
Email Address: writerfreakchick@aol.com
Rating: PG-13/R/NC-17
Disclaimer: The idea was mine. Everything you recognize probably doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Joss Whedon or ME.
Feedback: Yes, please, if you will. Don't be afraid to be harsh if it really sucks.
Summary: My fave fics are the ones that start after Tara leaves. I love make-up stories. So I'm writing one and hoping I can do it justice. It's AU. Though some parts may follow canon.
Dedication: To Rachel, um, please don't break my heart lol. No, please fix it.
Notes: Spoken words are bolded. Thoughts in italics. It's my first multi-chapter story so bear with me. It might take a while to get to the together part but obviously they will be together. I'm a song-writer above all, so be warned that most of my stuff will contain lyrics I've written, as it was with “What Makes You”.
Notes 2: This chapter was hard and easy to write at the same time, inspired by a very short like 4 or 5 text message conversation with my Rachel. I'll do my best to give the idea she brought to life justice. Oh, and be warned. Using Dianne's words, "Pain is up ahead you have entered the Kindred Zone." Although it actually gets a bit better in this chapter. I can't promise it will stay on the getting better track though. It might go back and forth between more darkness and finally some more light.

Chapter Nine

The whole gang stood staring, just staring, for what seemed to be the longest time. Xander was the first to move, by quickly moving to Willow and engulfing her in a hug. Buffy and Dawn quickly followed. Anya awkwardly gave her a one-armed hug and said something about missing her and glad she was back. It all seemed to happen so fast, Willow didn't catch all of it. She was trying to take it all in, but she had to realize what was going on first. Xander was there, he had hugged her, said he missed her. So had Buffy, Dawn and Anya. That meant they forgave her, all of them, especially Dawn. Little Dawnie wasn't so little anymore. Willow looked at her and saw two years of growing up had turned her from a little girl into a beautiful, way too mature for her age young woman. Her eyes moved to Buffy and the others as well, noting that they all looked much older, much more mature and aware than they had two years ago. Xander and Anya looked much more comfortable and sure of themselves and the relationship, as well as Xander filling out a bit more. He looked as if he had lost a bit of weight and gained muscle. Anya looked the same as ever, although she did look easier in her skin. As if she were a lot more comfortable with her humanity. Buffy looked tired, worn, but happy. It was wonderful to see them all. Her eyes kept roaming over them taking it all in, until she turned her head as if to look at Tara and her eyes met the most suprising sight. Faith. The realization of who was standing in her line of sight gave her a bit of a start. She took a step backwards until she realized also that there wasn't a fight going on. No one seemed bothered by Faith's presence. Oddly enough when Faith spoke Willow actually heard it and took it in, as she hadn't been able to with the others. "Hey Red, good to see you." Willow thought she might have nodded, but she couldn't be sure. She stared at all of them. Then there was Tara, staring as well. She hadn't made a move towards Willow at all, nor spoken a single word other than saying Willow's name when she saw her. Everyone but Tara seemed to kind of fade away, or back off as soon as they noticed the two womens eyes locked in a stare. A million words were passed in the silence that only the two of them could understand. Anger, pain, love, sadness, forgiveness, it all passed in one look. Tara made the first move toward Willow by taking a small step. That was all that was needed to give Willow the permission to move forward as well, and she did. Quickly closing the gap between them. She stopped short about a foot away from Tara, thinking that the hug she had meant to give might not be welcome. Until Tara gave a small sign, the slight opening of her arms. That was the last sign needed, all it took, for Willow to open hers as well and they stepped into a hug that felt so right both women almost cried. Their bodies seemed to naturally fit. Tara was holding her so tight, Willow couldn't help but squeeze her tight as well, and one of her hands found its way to Tara's hair. They held on for what seemed like forever but was over too soon. Stepping back out of that hug was one of the hardest things either had ever had to do. They had to though as the Scoobies had gathered around again, as well as Willow's father. He was the first to speak, breaking the uncomfortable silence. " Thank you all, so much, for coming. Your support means so much. This past year watching her decline has been so hard and you've made that easier. Don't say it Tara, you've been amazing. You most of all have been there through the hardest of times in the past. Tara blushed through her tears and managed a small smile. Willow watched her every moment, wondering what her father meant by his words, but somehow knowing they had all managed to meet and stick together through anything that had happened. He stepped back then, meaning to step away but one look from Tara stopped him and prompted him to ask, "Tara, would you come to dinner tonight...with us? Willow and I?" Tara looked started and right at Willow, as if asking her permission, before slightly nodding her head. Ira gave her a short hug, before saying his goodbyes and walking away. The Scoobies also realized that words needed to be said and hugged Willow once more before stepping away saying politely saying they would meet Tara at the car in a while. Tara finally broke the silence by saying " I've missed you Will. I really have. And we need to talk but now isn't the time. Are you going to be in town for a while or are you leaving again soon??" Willow suprised herself by responding "I'll stay a bit. We'll talk." Her usual babble when she was nervous had managed to get lost in the past few years. Even as nervous as she was that moment she couldn't manage to find many words. She had one thing on her mind but didn't think she should say it. Or could. Tara was the first to speak again by saying "I should be getting back to the car. We will talk, tonight, if that's okay." Willow nodded, words failing her until Tara turned to walk away. Willow grabbed her arm. Tara turned back around looking at Willow curiously, yet hopefully. Willow stepped forward and hugged her tight for just a moment again and stepped back quickly. They stood staring until Willows hand finally raised and brushed over the trace of tears on Tara's face. "Tara, I just...." Willow stopped, paused, not remembering how to say the words she needed to. Instead the words she hadn't wanted to say came tumbling out, "Tara, I love you. I still love you. And I know nothing is fixed, I know that we are two different people and that I hurt you so bad, in more than one way. That's why I left. That's why we need to talk, for closure before I can leave again." Willow stopped herself from saying more, choking back the tears in her eyes. Tara didn't have a chance to respond as Willow quickly leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her cheek before turning and walking away quickly.

TBC....

writerfreak

[Maccoda]

I love back to back updates! Woo Hoo! I can't wait for them to talk, just talking will be intense. This is really good.

[Willowtree252]

Dianne: Well dear, you now me and my knack for pain and feeling it all too well. It will get better I promise, although you were right, with that saying about entering the Kindred Zone. I swear that one will always stick with me. It does get better, a bit, this chapter.

well my kindred you know I call it how I see it. I am telling you know that I loved the whole thing it was hard and we knew it would be and you did not let us down at all.

only you will understand this but when you are at you worst you are at you best.


Now to the best part get off you ass and save me off this damn cliff you got me on cause you are If you leave me hanging

[JujuDeRoussie]

errr...

yep stil reading... don't feel well though in that part..wanna se the dinner lo

[amberholic]

hey writer

good update as always...i really loved how u pictured the looks between the couple and how they reacted silently or even with words towards each other...
The aching and pain was so evident in this update, and I liked a lot how you ended the update,...Willow in pain presuming the worst, not really wanting to hear Tara's answer to her words...just and only cause she felt them deep down and wanted badly to say them....

Good work writer, waiting your next update....
Amberholic....

[Sandman78]

Thanks for the updates...now that you have my hopes up, I feel angst on it's way. Though you still have me wanting more.

[summer fairy]

Okay, finally got my lazy butt over here to read your story, so heres my oppionion...





IT IS GREAT! No, really, good on you Amanda! You write beautifully, I am totally seeing it all in front of my eyes, seeing it all unravel, its being very well written, and I don't say that about a lot of writers, well done and I can't wait to read more, keep up the good work,

Your friend, Rach!

[writerfreak]

Chapter Nine Feedback:

Maccoda: I like posting back to back updates when I can. The talk will be intense yes. I hope it lives up to standard.

Dianneswillowtree: You know you love the cliffs I leave you on. You secretly long for them.

JuJuDeRoussie: Thank you for reading.

amberholic: Thank you very much, high praise. Very high praise. I hope I live up to the expectations. I'm glad you like it.

Sandman78: Yes, much angst. I'm good with angst. I hope you continue to like it.

Title: Can't You See My Love
Author: writerfreak
Email Address: writerfreakchick@aol.com
Rating: PG-13/R/NC-17
Disclaimer: The idea was mine. Everything you recognize probably doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Joss Whedon or ME.
Feedback: Yes, please, if you will. Don't be afraid to be harsh if it really sucks.
Summary: My fave fics are the ones that start after Tara leaves. I love make-up stories. So I'm writing one and hoping I can do it justice. It's AU. Though some parts may follow canon.
Dedication: This is to the kittens, and anyone else who reads and can bear my absences.
Notes: Spoken words are bolded. Thoughts in italics. It's my first multi-chapter story so bear with me. It might take a while to get to the together part but obviously they will be together. I'm a song-writer above all, so be warned that most of my stuff will contain lyrics I've written, as it was with “What Makes You”.
Notes 2: Be warned. Using Dianne's words, "Pain is up ahead you have entered the Kindred Zone." Although it actually gets a bit better in this chapter. I can't promise it will stay on the getting better track though. It might go back and forth between more darkness and finally some more light. My apologies for it being so short, I'm short on a LOT of time lately since I have a new job where I work 14 hours a day, 6 days a week.

Chapter Ten Mini Update Part A


"Dammit Willow." Tara shouted after her. She quickly looked around the area, glad most of the guests had dispersed. She noticed that Willow had stopped in her tracks and was standing with her back to her, a bit slumped. Tara half ran to Willow, because she'd walked so quickly away, then grabbed her shoulder and made Willow face her. "Where do you get to tell me what I think and feel and need when you haven't been here to see it for two years?" Willow looked startled, and more than a little chastised. She hadn't expected Tara to have any kind of temper, much less to use it. Hadn't thought she'd be angry at what Willow had said at all. She just stood there, waiting for the full of the new temper to impact. Then she stood there suprised when it never came, and had to lift her head to finally look at Tara with the question in her eyes. Tara stood looking at her after her initial outburst, honestly sorry it had happened. It hit her that they didn't know each other anymore. Willow had withered under her eyes at the first sign of anger, or anything at all really. She was afraid of everything now, seemed as if her own shadow as well. Tara stepped back and almost seemed as if she might bolt at hurting Willow until Willow looked up. Looked Tara straight in the eyes. The look exchanged told both women just how much was going on in the others minds. Willow wasn't afraid of Tara being angry, that she could take. Willow was afraid of doing anything to make Tara walk away forever. And Tara, she was afraid of Willow disappearing again. Turning around and walking right back out of her life. With that realization both women started backing away. Willow turned around, and kept her previous course. She walked slowly this time though, and just barely, but she heard Tara say "I'll see you at dinner. I love you."

TBC....

writerfreak

[Willowtree252]

Dibs I will admit to nothing my friend but then again with you I don't need to do I ............ let me go read.

What a powerful update you have this one right on target with all the anger and pain between them kudos for you not sugar coating them getting back together it will be hard but as I told someone last night anything worth having is hard.

[Pepper]

I love this story!!! Its excellent. Can't wait for the next update. Soon please??

[writerfreak]

Chapter Ten A Feedback Replies:

Dianneswillowtree: Why should you admit to anything? I already know. And I'm not exactly in a sugarcoating mood. Hope you like the next part. It's slowly coming along a little at a time. Have to find my writing again, through the pain. I lost words for so long.

Pepper: Ah a new fan. -rubs hands together menacingly- Lets see what we can do with this one.......hehehe. Kidding. We aren't that mean here, the most that will happen is you might not get some of the jokes. Welcome and I hope you continue reading.

Title: Can't You See My Love
Author: writerfreak
Email Address: writerfreakchick@aol.com
Rating: PG-13/R/NC-17
Disclaimer: The idea was mine. Everything you recognize probably doesn't belong to me. It belongs to Joss Whedon or ME.
Feedback: Yes, please, if you will. Don't be afraid to be harsh if it really sucks.
Summary: My fave fics are the ones that start after Tara leaves. I love make-up stories. So I'm writing one and hoping I can do it justice. It's AU. Though some parts may follow canon.
Dedication: For anyone who is in major emotional turmoil.
Notes: Spoken words are bolded. Thoughts in italics. It's my first multi-chapter story so bear with me. It might take a while to get to the together part but obviously they will be together. I'm a song-writer above all, so be warned that most of my stuff will contain lyrics I've written, as it was with “What Makes You”.
Notes 2: Its going to be heart wrenching. This chapter. For my own heart is squeezed in a vice grip. I feel as if I'm dying and it will show in my writing. I hope you can all deal with the very reality of the emotion even if its just written as if the characters feel it.

Chapter Ten Part B

Willow busily prepared herself for the dinner that was to come. Not bothering to dress up that much, it was a small affair after all. Just her father and Tara, which would be awkward to say the least. It wasn't something she wanted to see, or be at. Her parents had never paid much attention growing up, and now knowing that her father and Tara were close made her feel as if she was second best. As if they would have preferred to have Tara as their daughter. Willow coming up short yet again, as she saw it. Always inferior. She looked in the mirror one last time before heading down the stairs to prepare dinner. "Yep, as good as its going to get" she thought.

As she descended the stairs she noticed changes in the household she hadn't paid attention to before. Pictures of her life with the Scoobies lining the walls. Pictures of her and Tara together. Pictures of every moment of her life, in stages, captured within her parents home. Those hadn't been there before. She knew it must have been Tara and Buffy who had given the photographs to her parents. No one else would have known to, or thought to. Mostly Tara, because Buffy would have been too busy, or too distracted. She reached the bottom of the steps, taking a final look at the pictures and turned towards the kitchen. She had no idea what to fix but she figured she would make do with her meager culinary skills. What she didn't expect upon walking into the kitchen was to see her father already there with the apron on. That she knew of he had never cooked before. Some things you just never expect. Ira turned toward his daughter slowly, trying to gauge how she was going to take things, how she was reacting to everything. At the same time he was trying to hold himself together. His wife had just died after all. He and Willow just stared at each other a moment, before he slowly found his voice and managed to choke out "Mash the potatoes?" Willow simply nodded her head and went to her task.

An hour later the dinner was almost finished and the table was set. Willow walked into the living room and sat on the sofa, awaiting Tara's arrival. There were no words for her father. She didn't know what to say to a man she barely knew. He didn't know what to say to her either. They sat in silence, waiting for the doorbell to ring. Counting the seconds, the minutes. Until they finally might find something to say to each other, or have Tara provide the right subject. Willow thought she might need that kind of mediator out of both of them that night. And it scared her.

TBC...

writerfreak

[jay/wt4evr]

can't believe I missed the other updates..anyway I'm hooked! can't wait to see how it goes

[Willowtree252]

Dibs

Her parents had never paid much attention growing up, and now knowing that her father and Tara were close made her feel as if she was second best. As if they would have preferred to have Tara as their daughter. Willow coming up short yet again, as she saw it. Always inferior.

you said it sister been there done that. not only parents most everyone. makes you say why bother must be me. enough bleeding I love it The pain is so deep and I am feeling it deeper not sure if that is good or bad but bring it on kenny.