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My Girlfriend's Boyfriend

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My Girlfriend's Boyfriend

Postby Ben Varkentine » Tue Dec 06, 2005 6:49 pm

I thought I deleted this...
Last edited by Ben Varkentine on Wed Jan 04, 2006 8:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Ben

House: "Another life saved by girl-on-girl action."
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Ben Varkentine
5. Willowhand
 
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Re: My Girlfriend's Boyfriend

Postby tcurti3 » Wed Dec 07, 2005 4:38 pm

This is a really good start. I'm not quite sure what you're looking for--an editor or just some feedback from a reader? If you're looking for a full-blown editor, I'm afraid I'm not quite up to that task. If you just want someone to read your work & respond w/o too much attention to form, I'd be happy to do so. One caveat--with the upcoming holidays, I'm not sure that I'll be immediately responsive.
"It's when somebody likes somebody of the same species." -- my friend's 10-year-old when asked to define homosexuality
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Re: My Girlfriend's Boyfriend

Postby Boschi » Sat Dec 10, 2005 12:13 am

Just a note to say I enjoyed this - definitely left me wanting to read more.
The only criticism I have is the repetition of "I screwed everything up". Was fine the first time - good teaser. The second time - OK. The third time it caused a bit of an eye-roll on my part.
To emphasize though - really enjoyed this as a whole.

- Boschi
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