Skip to content


Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Post your original creative efforts here. Fan art IS allowed in this forum. Absolutely no fanfic!

Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby Kieli » Mon Oct 03, 2005 6:05 pm

Why are titles so damned HARD to come up with when you write a story?? I felt like this silly smilie :seesaw So...I was sitting in the car, having a really trippy kind of drive to work when this little piece popped into my head. It's so stream of consciousness that it just ain't funny. Still, I feel better writing it down. It might suck. If so, that's another one I'll scrap until I get the energy to rewrite it. Anyways, here's to sharing. It's a tiny chapter one and really there's more to it, I just haven't finished typing it yet. And if anyone comes up with a better title, be a dear and PM me, won't you?




Coincidental Magic by Kieli
Summary: I have no idea...I'm just makin' this crap up as I go along. Don't you just hate that?
Rating: Probably PG-13....lesbians and their dirty minds and such.


Chapter One


Did you ever wake up one day and felt like it was going to be perfect? No, I don’t mean that I just won five million bucks on the lottery perfect, I mean…odd. Special. Weird. Maybe all of those things rolled into one. It’s not like you wished upon a star for it or even told someone you wanted it. It just…happened. And the moment you poked your little toe from underneath the covers to put your foot on the floor, events took on a life of their own. If anyone had told you that one moment in time on a day like that would change your life forever, that you would never be the same again in the space of 24 hours, you’d have laughed in their face. But that moment came and went, tapping random lives with its magic wand turning some into heroes and others into ghosts. Why? Well, that’s the mystery isn’t it?

Let’s take today as a for instance. I got up this morning to what I always considered to be a perfect Indian summer day: cool enough for long sleeves but warm enough that I didn’t need a sweater or jacket. One of those roll-down-the-car-windows-to-blast-the-Steve-Miller-Band-at-Volume-9 days. I indulged in a long, hot shower, staring at my body in bemusement as my blood rose to the surface of my much too pale skin. Pale as compared to who, toots, Buckwheat? You've been hanging around the white folks too long. You need a tan like you need another orifice in your cranium. Mentally slapping my inner voice for insubordination, I turned my attention Fiona Apple’s sultry voice as it floated from my banged-up multi-CD player on the nightstand by the bed. I picked up the remote from the towel rack and changed CDs. Fiona was too melancholy for a day like this. Nope, sorry Fiona, dear…but maybe something a bit more…ah yes, there it is. The B-52s. Schweet. Cosmic Thing blared across the room, which I’m sure sent Figment, my dear calico cat, into near fits. That’s ok, she’ll forgive me...someday.

I barely remember the rest of my morning ritual; the selection of the least pitiful looking outfit in my closet, bopping around the room in time to the music, hell I barely remember brushing my teeth! Perfect days tend to make me perfectly air-headed. That’s ok, though; this mood isn’t going anywhere if I can help it. Things just sort of flowed by like an ambling little stream. My coffee pot didn’t crack for the eighteenth time, my bagel didn’t burn in my dilapidated old toaster for once. I finally got up the cajones to open the official-looking letter from Dr. Cosentino’s secretary…oh yes, I am IN! It’s not every day that a doctoral student gets chosen to work in his lab. Only post-docs have ever had the privilege of darkening his lab door. You see, Dr. Vincent Cosentino is considered to be the God of Endocrinology, the pharmacological genius that helped men get pregnant (when I meet him, I swear I’ll give him a big ole kiss for allowing a good ole boy to share the hell that is child-bearing…women everywhere owe him their breast implants for that little work of wonder). Working for him is a sure fire way to gain some serious notoriety…and having a way to get to meet his terminally hot daughter helps too.

I kissed the happy news-laden missive and began skipping around the furniture. Ladies and gentlemen, we have now crossed the border between Fair ta Middlin’ and Perfect into new territory. This was going to be a totally freakish smile-inducing day. I love those. They happen often as lightning striking the same place twice. Though that last image isn’t particularly the happy one I was going for, it came to mind for some reason. Dark clouds can move in without warning, the sky can open up and here comes the biblical rain. It’s amazing what you will ignore when you’re feeling all yippy-skippy.

Noah? says my pesky inner voice, once again interrupting my euphoric state.

Yes?

Have you looked at the clock? Isn’t a certain someone waiting for you?

Hmm?
Glancing at the Mickey Mouse clock on the wall, I see it’s---- “Holy crap, I’m late!”

Yeeess, and that’s a surprise, why?

Oh piss off, you!


A fifty-yard dash to the car, one squealing peel-out (Sorry about your trash can, Mr. Banner!) and fifteen minutes later, I’m standing in front of BabyCakes, my favourite breakfast spot. Normally I wouldn’t bother with a fancy schmancy place like this but…it has Angela. You had to say her name with italics because she was all class. Really I should know better, chasing after some freshman chick like I was still an undergrad. I met her three weeks ago when I was forced to come here due to the closing of the Chesepeake Bagel House, the best place to buy a breakfast bagel in Charlottesville. It was 8am, I was hung over as hell, grumpy and none too polite. There was no one behind the counter when I walked in which did not help improve my mood.

“Is there anyone that actually works here?” I had complained while drumming my fingers on the glass top impatiently. A pretty ash-blonde head popped up from underneath, nearly scaring the bejeesus out of me.

“Didn’t hear the bell ring there,” the young woman apologized. “Sorry about that.”

My jaw had dropped a good three inches. I swear, she was 19 if she was a day, fabulous grey peepers and a body that simply screamed athlete. With just a couple of sentences from her, I was lost. Gone. Totally smitten. Good thing my gayboy friends were waiting in the car; I’d have never heard the end of it. She stuck out her perfectly manicured hand to me.

“My name is Angela. I’m kind of new in town so you’ll have to pardon me if I seem a little out of it sometimes.”

Oh sister, I could forgive you anything if you’d just come home with me.

“Pardon me?” Angela queried. I shook my head.

“Nothing, just me, being an idiot,” I mumbled shaking the proffered hand. Wow, is that CK One I smell?

“So what’ll it be?” Her eyes had me rooted to the floor in stunned admiration.

“Huh? Oh! What do you suggest? I’ve never been here before,” I admitted, cursing my traitorous body as a warm flush rose in my face.

“Well, I’m sure I we can find something you’ll like.”

I walked out of there with an armful of food, much to the shock of my waiting friends.

“Goddamn, Noah, what the hell did you do? Buy out the store?” snarked Paco from the back seat. He’d been my friend since our days at Albemarle High and I loved him to pieces; however, if I had let him get away with that comment, the others would’ve soon joined in.

“Stow it, Pacs, I know you lot love to eat me out of house and home so I figured I’d splurge so you won’t come by to eat my food.”

Jared, who was sitting behind me in the passenger seat, squinted out the window. “Hmph,” he snorted. “More it was like you let your hormones get the best of you again. Did you at least get her number?”

“Better than that,” I announced with a smirk. “She gave me her work schedule for the next month.”

So here I am, anxious as all hell despite this huge-assed grin on my face. I wanted to share my good news with someone, anyone. That’s not true…I really want to share my news with her.

Dammit, Noah, just ask her out already.

I rolled my eyes in despair. Oh it’s you again.

Damn skippy it’s me. Look, walk in there, and KISS HER ALREADY.

It’s not that simple.

Really? You’ve been doing it in your dreams for the last three weeks. How hard can it be?


Oddly enough, that stupid inner child had a point. I looked up into the clear sunny sky, gazed into its blue depths to find my courage. Well, here goes nothin’. The last thing I remember was a brilliant flash of light, brighter than anything I’d ever seen, then darkness fell.
Last edited by Kieli on Wed Oct 12, 2005 10:10 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Kieli
13. Big Knowledge Woman
 
Posts: 1827
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 4:08 pm
Location: Wandering


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction (temporary title)

Postby gabbles » Tue Oct 04, 2005 4:04 am

OH oh OH!! MORE! MORE MORE MORE MORE!!

I am going to LOVE this story, I can tell.

I demand MORE!

I love the style its written in...the narration gives so much insight into the character, its utterly....awesome, comes to mind.

MORE!

*hugz*
~Gabs

PS ...Did I mention that I'd like some more, please?
A spirit is a special thing...it can never truly be broken, and never, ever be tamed. The most calmed spirits out there, hold a wild edge to them...for they are the very essence of a person, and every person is capeable of anything.
User avatar
gabbles
5. Willowhand
 
Posts: 305
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 3:28 am
Location: Down Under *grins*


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction (temporary title)

Postby tcurti3 » Tue Oct 04, 2005 7:15 am

what a great start! pregnant men--i love it. i can't wait to see how this story plays out. no ideas on an alt title--maybe after another chapter or two...
"It's when somebody likes somebody of the same species." -- my friend's 10-year-old when asked to define homosexuality
tcurti3
2. Floating Rose
 
Posts: 36
Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2005 3:30 pm
Location: scenic chicagoland


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction (temporary title)

Postby kindagay » Tue Oct 04, 2005 7:48 am

Hi :wave

What a wonderful style of writing :)

I don't often read stories on TiE (I know, it's very bad of me), but I'm so glad that I decided to read this one. I'm loving it so far & am very much looking forward to more. :)

Hugs
Jeanne
Have a cluckety cluck cluck day.
there's something beautiful in all my imperfections ~ Crazy/Beautiful
"You're quite unique, I'm not sure I'll ever meet another person with quite the same personality as you."
User avatar
kindagay
19. Yummy Face
 
Posts: 3043
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 11:50 am
Location: UK


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction (temporary title)

Postby Patches » Tue Oct 04, 2005 11:51 am

Hey, glad to have you back...but isn't there a certain Lt in a bit of a compromising situation simmering on the back burner??? (hint, hint). Okay, okay, okay...it's a different story.

Great start -- lots to ponder, plot wise; very cool set up, and I absolutely "love* that 'inner child' voice. Right off the top you piqued my interest...ya, those days of fate, days of destiny; but I guess we only register them when something terrific actually happens. Still, the reader gets a sense of something in the ether, and Noah feels driven by it (or perhaps, pulled by it.) And the hook??? Uh, ya...big, big, big hook with, "The last thing I remember was a brilliant flash of light, brighter than anything I’d ever seen, then darkness fell."

So, whenever you've a mind to continue (like soon, please), I'm into this story. Btw, (inserting disclaimer: the other stuff you'd posted was good) I noticed a nice transition in your style from the earlier works; you've taken it up a notch and it really shows here. This is very smooth. I do look forward to reading more.

Cheers!!
Patches
Patches
7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
 
Posts: 565
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 4:47 pm
Location: Canada


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction (temporary title)

Postby Kieli » Tue Oct 04, 2005 2:11 pm

Patches wrote:Hey, glad to have you back...but isn't there a certain Lt in a bit of a compromising situation simmering on the back burner??? (hint, hint). Okay, okay, okay...it's a different story.

You know, you're not the only one who's given me hard time about the intrepid Lt. Tuckwell. Rest assured, I've not forgotten her. I may even resurrect the story for the NaNoWriMo. I've been writing fanfiction as of late and, even then, my writer's block has been giving me hell.

Great start -- lots to ponder, plot wise; very cool set up, and I absolutely "love* that 'inner child' voice. Right off the top you piqued my interest...ya, those days of fate, days of destiny; but I guess we only register them when something terrific actually happens. Still, the reader gets a sense of something in the ether, and Noah feels driven by it (or perhaps, pulled by it.) And the hook??? Uh, ya...big, big, big hook with, "The last thing I remember was a brilliant flash of light, brighter than anything I’d ever seen, then darkness fell."

The funny thing about these fic ideas...it always gets harder and harder to top a good chapter. I am very tempted to go back over this chapter and tweak but the more I think about it, the more I feel it might lose something if I do. I'll fix the grammatical errors and such but, never screw with a good thing.

So, whenever you've a mind to continue (like soon, please), I'm into this story. Btw, (inserting disclaimer: the other stuff you'd posted was good) I noticed a nice transition in your style from the earlier works; you've taken it up a notch and it really shows here. This is very smooth. I do look forward to reading more.

I've noticed a difference in my writing too. It could be due to the fact that I am writing more fanfiction. Or it could be due to some maturing factor that I am unaware of. Actually, if you go back and read some of my Willow/Tara stuff, I think those works are far better than what I'm writing now (with some exceptions, I'm sure). *shrug* Who can know how change happens? I really want to write Chapter 2 tonight. I got a bit of a flow going on the way to work today. Driving four hours a day to work does have its advantages sometimes.

Thanks to everyone who took the time out to give me their thoughts and share their opinions. I'm a feedback whore so....good or bad, they're always welcome.

Cheers!
K.
Last edited by Kieli on Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
Kieli
13. Big Knowledge Woman
 
Posts: 1827
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 4:08 pm
Location: Wandering


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction (temporary title)

Postby onyxsundrops » Tue Oct 04, 2005 2:51 pm

I like the start of this, so I hope you continue to write. For me, it's too early to give any solid feedback so early in the story, but I do love several aspects of this. The narration, for instance. Anyway, wonderful beginning.


The funny thing about these fic ideas...it always gets harder and harder to top a good chapter.


Very true.

Yvonne
onyxsundrops
9. Gay Now
 
Posts: 956
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 12:27 pm
Location: New Orleans (for the moment)


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby Kieli » Tue Oct 04, 2005 7:11 pm

Chapter Two

KC! We’re gonna need another bus! There’s blood all over the damn place and someone needs to get these people back! Get behind the yellow tape, sir!

This one isn’t lookin’ so hot, Murph. Looks like Martha Jefferson might have to deal with her. UVA says their ER is full.

What?! That’s bullshit. Get on the horn and tell them rich brat, la-de-da ER docs that we have a bona fide disaster over here. Breaktime’s fucking over!


What the hell--? Where am I? Why can’t I move my hands? I can feel heat radiating in waves but I don’t know from what direction. I hear the crunch of glass underneath boots from somewhere near my right. A young paramedic leans over me with a penlight, flicking the narrow beam across my face.

Man, I’m surprised this stiff’s still in one piece. Her eyes are givin’ me the creeps.

Stiff? What the--? Hey, buddy, who’re you calling a stiff? Just wait till I—wait…whoa…why am I not moving? I can’t feel my lips. Hey! Can anyone hear me?

“Actually no, they can’t.”

Wha-? Who’s there?

“Just me, Noah.”

Oh, you again. Care to tell me what you’re still doing around? And why the hell can’t I move? What happened?

“Well, to answer your first question, I am not still around. I was never with you in the first place. Your ‘inner child’, as you so sarcastically call her, is on permanent holiday. To answer your second question, you can not move because you are deceased…relatively speaking, of course”

Hold the phone, there, sister. What do you mean, deceased?

“I mean, deceased as in dead, no longer among the living, shinimashita—“

All right! All right! I get the picture. What the hell is so relative about being dead? The voice is silent for a time, as if contemplating what to say next. I can hear the crackling of flames, the crashing of wood supports disintegrating. The wail of sirens seems to come from everywhere. Sometimes I wish the Doppler Effect weren’t quite so effective.

“In the human sense of life, your body is no longer functioning at this point in time. Thus, for all intents and purposes, you are dead in the here and now. You are, however, very much alive somewhere else.”

Say what? I’m a damned biologist, Jim, not a quantum physicist.

“Point taken. Honestly, quantum physics has nothing to do with it.”

I hear several people approaching from my left, dragging something that sounds large and metallic.

Bobbie Jo, get her torso, will ya? I’ll grab her legs.

Why do I have to get her top half?

Because you’re the chick, because I don’t feel right getting near her boobs and because I freakin’ say so! Now, let’s get this body moved.

All right, all right.


Wait! Where are they taking me?

“It’s nothing you need to concern yourself with. At least, not yet.”

Listen, enough’s enough already. You’re scaring me and I'm petrified enough as it is...just the facts, if you don't mind.

“I—well, my real name is Iwanaga-Hime…but you can call me Iwa-san.”

Perfect. I have a voice in my head that has a Japanese name. My Japanese mother would be so thrilled. Hey, watch it there, genius! I yelled, despite the fact the medic couldn’t hear me. That’s my leg you’re manhandling.

I could almost feel disembodied voice smirk at my interruption. “As for who I am…in my country, I am the goddess of eternal life. I am here with you only by happenstance.”

My mother always told me that there was no such thing as chance, only fate.

“In some respects, she is correct. The restaurant you were about to enter exploded due to the carelessness of one of its employees. He lit a cigarette to close to the open flame of a nearby gas stove. What is odd is that the explosion was somehow powerful enough for your reality to become fused with three others including the Reality of the Gods. We immortals sometimes call an event like this ‘coincidental magic’. Such things as fate and destiny cannot dictate the outcome of this event. Only the one who is affected can decide what will happen.”

Brilliant. So I’m dead because some Einstein cook decided he wanted to take a quick drag. How annoying. I felt like kicking something then realized how absurd that feeling was in this situation.

Iwa-san’s golden laugh sparkled in the silences of my mind. “One could think of this as an opportunity, Noah-san.”

Yeah? I grumbled. How so?

“I am to be your guide through these other realities and you will have the chance to choose which ones you wish to remain in. In other words, you are being given the chance to rewrite your own history.”
Last edited by Kieli on Wed Oct 12, 2005 10:08 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Kieli
13. Big Knowledge Woman
 
Posts: 1827
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 4:08 pm
Location: Wandering


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction (temporary title)

Postby gabbles » Wed Oct 05, 2005 4:26 am

[center]:bounce :dance :bounce Good GAWD do you have me interested! :bounce :dance :bounce [/center]

Like, SERIOUSLY!! WOW

As far as I can tell right now, what with the 'coincidental magic' that has just occured (again with the WOWness :applause ), the title fits extremely well. Like, really well. But, if I think of something else along the way, I shall let you know:).

This story has grabbed my attention and has refused to let me go. I was sitting in the library, studying (I'm a nerd, so sue me...plus my exams are in a week :happy ) and my mind kept going back to this story... "what was the big flash of light?!"..."whats going to happen?!"...."where is this story gonna go!?"..."How does Kieli right so damn interestingly?!"... the narrative of this so far very enthralling story has caught me up. It feels like I'm sitting in Noahs head on a deckchair, lazing in the brilliance of her mind, sipping mochas or very nummy cocktails (whatever I feel like at the time) listening to her thoughts and getting fantastic insight to who she is.

“I am to be your guide through these other realities and you will have the chance to choose which ones you wish to remain in. In other words, you are being given the chance to rewrite your own history.”


Like...*bounces* I'm actually REALLY excited about finding out what you are going to do with this. I find myself wishing that this was a published novel so I could go buy it, lock myself away and read the whole thing...but alas, I must wait! lol...probably a good thing, 'cause I'd read it so fast I wouldn't get to enjoy it!


I love it. More please!

*hugz*
~Gabs
PS Excuse the weirdness that is my babbly/nonsensical feedback, but like I said, have been studying scince 9:30am...is now 7:30pm...my brain is mush.

MOOOORE :-D
A spirit is a special thing...it can never truly be broken, and never, ever be tamed. The most calmed spirits out there, hold a wild edge to them...for they are the very essence of a person, and every person is capeable of anything.
User avatar
gabbles
5. Willowhand
 
Posts: 305
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 3:28 am
Location: Down Under *grins*


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction (temporary title)

Postby kindagay » Wed Oct 05, 2005 6:59 am

Wow, I mean, really, just, wow... & also, a little whoa too.

This is just getting better & better, you very much have my complete, undivided, unwavering attention. :bow

Hugs
Jeanne
Have a cluckety cluck cluck day.
there's something beautiful in all my imperfections ~ Crazy/Beautiful
"You're quite unique, I'm not sure I'll ever meet another person with quite the same personality as you."
User avatar
kindagay
19. Yummy Face
 
Posts: 3043
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 11:50 am
Location: UK


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction (temporary title)

Postby Kieli » Mon Oct 10, 2005 4:56 pm

gabbles wrote:This story has grabbed my attention and has refused to let me go. I was sitting in the library, studying (I'm a nerd, so sue me...plus my exams are in a week ) and my mind kept going back to this story... "what was the big flash of light?!"..."whats going to happen?!"...."where is this story gonna go!?"..."How does Kieli right so damn interestingly?!"... the narrative of this so far very enthralling story has caught me up. It feels like I'm sitting in Noahs head on a deckchair, lazing in the brilliance of her mind, sipping mochas or very nummy cocktails (whatever I feel like at the time) listening to her thoughts and getting fantastic insight to who she is.

As much as I enjoy when people forgo studying to read my work...I wouldn't advise it. You may need that degree someday *chuckle*

Like...*bounces* I'm actually REALLY excited about finding out what you are going to do with this. I find myself wishing that this was a published novel so I could go buy it, lock myself away and read the whole thing...but alas, I must wait! lol...probably a good thing, 'cause I'd read it so fast I wouldn't get to enjoy it!

This is the first time that I actually considered making this a published work. Granted it has a LONG way to go but...I like the premise well enough to work on it longer than some of the other things I've written. It's good to know at least one other person agrees.

PS Excuse the weirdness that is my babbly/nonsensical feedback, but like I said, have been studying scince 9:30am...is now 7:30pm...my brain is mush.

That's ok. I was a science geek once, in a galaxy far far away, many moons ago. I still remember the late night studying, the imbibing of lots of caffeine and the killer O-Chem exam from hell.

This is just getting better & better, you very much have my complete, undivided, unwavering attention.

That might be helpful a little ways into this. I want to make sure my focus doesn't go wandering

Thanks again for the feedback and the support.

Cheers.
Last edited by Kieli on Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
Kieli
13. Big Knowledge Woman
 
Posts: 1827
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 4:08 pm
Location: Wandering


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction (temporary title)

Postby Patches » Wed Oct 12, 2005 9:52 pm

Hey,

I am reading, but have no friggin time to write anything of substance, and for this I am very sorry. This is a truly captivating story. Honestly, you have a substantial chunk of my incredibly factured attention. We are in a cycle at work of people being on set around the clock and I am stuck at my desk from 7:30 or 8:00 in the morning through mid-night in the weekdays, and the bastards are filming weekends too. The result is my thought processes are fried. Please know, I am totally immersed in this fic, how you set everything up, your character(s), the premise and the path you have set us on. Thanks for giving us this work.

Patches
Patches
7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
 
Posts: 565
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 4:47 pm
Location: Canada


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction (temporary title)

Postby Kieli » Thu Oct 13, 2005 7:31 am

Patches wrote:Hey,

I am reading, but have no friggin time to write anything of substance, and for this I am very sorry. This is a truly captivating story. Honestly, you have a substantial chunk of my incredibly factured attention. We are in a cycle at work of people being on set around the clock and I am stuck at my desk from 7:30 or 8:00 in the morning through mid-night in the weekdays, and the bastards are filming weekends too. The result is my thought processes are fried. Please know, I am totally immersed in this fic, how you set everything up, your character(s), the premise and the path you have set us on. Thanks for giving us this work.

Patches


No worries, dear. I've been swamped myself. I'm just happy that you found this little story worth reading. No in-depth commentary is necessary unless, of course, you wish to do so. You can simply enjoy the ride. Chapter 3 will hopefully be posted this evening.
Last edited by Kieli on Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:10 am, edited 1 time in total.
Kieli
13. Big Knowledge Woman
 
Posts: 1827
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 4:08 pm
Location: Wandering


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby Patches » Fri Oct 14, 2005 3:22 pm

No worries, dear. I've been swamped myself. I'm just happy that you found this little story worth reading. No in-depth commentary is necessary unless, of course, you wish to do so. You can simply enjoy the ride. Chapter 3 will hopefully be posted this evening.



The frustrating thing is I *DO* want to post a real commentary. Damn this thing called making a living in film. Anyway, enough excuses. If I don't post right away, it's that ugly thing called work messing with my fun time. Humm, that does sound like another excuse, doesn't it....

I am fascinated by how you're constructing this story. Honestly, although I should have known from how you set it up that the flash at the end was something more than magic. This is what's so neat about the story...in a sense, there's the explosion and the 'mystical' end where she's getting to walk another path through her life. Interesting philosophical undercurrent--if we could do it all again, how different would life be. In one sense, if Noah could make a choice to change an action (with foreknowedge, of course) would she show up at the cafe five minutes before the explosion, or having learned the cause, prevent the actions that trigger the event. But, if you're talking about re-winding and starting from the beginning...humm. I really want to see how you play this out.

The scene with Noah 'observing' the events of her death was really cool, btw; it was effectively detached and worked perfectly. I'll try and keep up as much/often as I can.

Patches

eta ... so far, the title works, by the way. Was particularly effective with the end of the first update in setting an anticipation for something of 'magic' to occur...so when Noah appears as a corspe in the second chapter, I was kinda--WOW, I didn't expect this. Works on a great many levels. If nothing else, it really sets up the hook.
Patches
7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
 
Posts: 565
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 4:47 pm
Location: Canada


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby Kieli » Fri Oct 14, 2005 8:34 pm

I'm happy to see that you managed to come back. *chuckle* And thanks for your in-depth review. At first, this all flowed so easily...I was writing stuff in my head, in the shower, on the way to work. Now that we're getting to the complicated part, I have to slow down...to really concentrate. Thankfully I have a beta with mad skillz and brilliance when it comes to ideas. So...hopefully I'll have captured your interest once again because here comes Chapter 3. Have fun all.


Author’s notes:

Mou, daijoubu: translates roughly to “It’s all right now.” or “Everything will be all right.” There are so many ways that this could be said that it’s not funny. I settled on this one though it’s more informal Japanese and Iwa-san would probably have used anshinshinasai if she were using polite speech.

shinimashita: translates as “dead” or “in death” (forgot to explain that in previous chapter)

-hime: translates as “Princess” If you wanted to use an honorific for a female of status that may or may not be royalty, you would call her ojou-sama.

yukatabira: light and loose-fitting robes, worn as an alternative to the kimono by both sexes in a relaxed or casual setting.

Ikkimashou: “It’s time to leave.” Or “Let’s go.”

Okaa-san: mother. A child will sometime shorten it to kaa-san sort of like ‘Mom’, which Noah does occasionally.

kami: a god. The Japanese have a very different view of gods and goddesses. Long explanation which can wait until later.

There really is such a thing a goddess as Iwanaga-Hime but I will provide the details at the close of the fic. It’s not a long story but she is part of a line of major gods and a direct descendent of the god who is said to have created Japan.

All Japanese is written in romanji for the non-Japanese speaker and not everyone has the fonts to view the kana. Heartfelt thanks go out to Seravy for being such an inspiring beta and for all her help in the translations. She deserves more credit for this fic than you know.




Chapter 3

It’s so unnaturally quiet in this room. There’s a sheet over my face, my body; I hear voices speaking in hushed tones across from me. The loud buzzing of a saw shocks me out of the torpor I’ve been in since my body was taken from the accident site. The goddess in my mind has been silent for a long time now and I’m worried that she might have left me.

“I have not left just yet, Noah.”

Jeez, will you announce yourself or something…you almost scared me to….to….

“To death?”

Dammit, that’s not funny, Iwa-san, I mutter petulantly.

There goes that musical laugh of hers again, flowing inside me like summer rain. A random thought about what she really looks like pops into my head out of nowhere.

“You will get to find out for yourself soon enough. For now, however, you need to concentrate.”

Why?

“You need to leave this body behind and it would be best if you do it now.”

Why now? Why not later? What’s going to happen to it?

“I do not think you would like to be inside it at the moment. Now hush and concentrate,” the goddess insists. The voices that were across the room are moving closer. I can hear the metallic clatter of instruments on a tray, the drag of rubber wheels on bare linoleum.

A click, a hissing intake of breath, the sounds of whirring machinery; they are all coming from somewhere next to me in this cold and lifeless room.

“The deceased is a female of mixed Asian-African American descent, approximately 28 years old, height, 5 foot 6 inches, light brown eyes, no apparent scars or birthmarks anywhere on the body other than the injuries sustained in the blast,” drones a man’s voice, presumably the coroner’s. He continues to catalogue the various external attributes of my body in a professional, dispassionate tone.

“It is time for you to leave now, Noah,” Iwa-san’s voice whispers in the ear opposite the doctor. “This could be unpleasant for you, if you decide to linger any longer.”

Now that is the understatement of the year. Suddenly, I feel warmth flooding through me, a tingling, itchy feeling that’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. I try to focus on that feeling, to capture it in my memory; I doubt I’ll ever have the pleasure of knowing the touch of an immortal again. The next thing I know, I’m floating out and over the table, until I am standing upright beside my body. It’s freaky, but I’m not afraid. I’m more curious than anything else.

“You might change your mind in a minute, Noah-san.”

What makes you say that? I asked with piqued interest.

I finally see what she means. A tall, swarthy man dressed in bright green hospital scrubs picks up a long handled autopsy saw, and presses the green button a few times to test the small circular blade attached to it. It seems like every move he makes is torturing me with its slowness, forcing my eyes to follow his work. Light from the fluorescent lamp above his head glints dully off the scalpel blade as he slices a Y shaped incision into my chest. Blood spurts briefly then pools where the cuts are made. It’s only when the coroner picks up the electric autopsy saw once again that reality hits me.

I’m dead. I’m really truly dead.

Screams of horror pour from my mouth before I can stop them. My hands are shaking uncontrollably; I’m begging him to stop, yelling that he’s hurting me. But he can’t hear a word I’m saying and I certainly can’t feel the pain. I can feel the muscles around my mouth contort in a rictus of shock and anguish.

A pair of arms suddenly reaches around to cradle me; my hands reach up to claw them away, only to feel them draw around me tighter.

“You should have listened to me,” Iwa-san said in quiet admonition. She places a butterfly kiss on my forehead and my eyes start grow heavy. “Mou, daijoubu. Rest now.” Then all was blissful silence and the damp blanket of sleep.

[hr]

It seems like I’ve been out for hours; when I finally awake, my head feels leaden as if someone packed it with buckshot.

“Did you sleep well?”

My eyes focus and refocus, trying to make out the figure kneeling beside me. I’m sure that look pretty stupid, laying there with my mouth gaping open. She is beautiful, this Iwanaga-Hime. Long, jet-black hair flowed over her smooth alabaster shoulders; her hands were long and graceful, like a dancer’s. Her eyes were so dark, that I thought they were like bottomless wells. She had a marvelous blend of Maggie Cheung’s incredible body and Joan Chen’s elegant face. I don’t know what picture I had in my head when I envisioned the goddess-princess but it was nothing like the person that sat beside me.

“Is there something wrong, Noah?” she asked with a small frown of concern.

“No! No, just…” I stammered, feeling the heat rising to my face. “Well, you’re a lot more hot-looking that I thought you’d be.”

Iwa-san laughed out loud and I’m pretty sure I turned the colour of a ripe tomato.

“Sorry,” I muttered. “But it’s true.”

Her laugh eventually slowed to just a few giggles. “That is all right. What would you think if I told you that, in my country, I am considered very ugly?”

“No way!”

“Oh yes,” she replied with a sigh. “I was even sent back to my father by the man he had chosen for me to marry because he thought I was too unsightly to bear his children.”

“I always wondered why my mother was so eager to leave Japan. Now I know why. You people have a weird sense of what’s beautiful and what’s not.”

The eternal goddess chuckled musically from behind her hand. “Do not forget that you are half-Japanese. I am sure your mother passed on some of our cultural quirks to you.”

I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, noting for the first time that she was stark naked. “I sure hope to hell not. Because if everyone there has as little compunction about running around in their birthday suit as you do, I’m in deep trouble,” I grumble. Iwa-san had the good grace to blush at my comment. As much as I respected the lithesome deity, I doubt I could concentrate on anything with her sashaying around nude.

“Very well.” Her eyes clouded over briefly and a misty haze gathered around her, flowing over her body like milk. After a few minutes, she sat before me completely clothed in a blue yukatabira that looked like it was made of silk. A brief thought of how the blue complimented the darkness of her eyes flitted through my mind and I was tempted to reach out to feel the magical fabric. “Will this suffice?” she inquired.

“Perfect.”

Rolling onto my side, I heave myself into a sitting position to get a better look at my surroundings. “So where are we now?”

“We are still in the hospital but…” she paused uncertainly. “We can not leave here just yet. You have some unfinished business that you need to attend to before your journey into the alternate histories can begin.”

I quirk a curious eyebrow at her. “Oh? And what business might that be?”

The raven-haired goddess waved her hand and the room shifted. We were back in the morgue, sad to say. I was prepared to see my body again, I was even prepared to see it in tiny little pieces but I wasn’t prepared for the sight before me. My parents were standing beside my corpse, my father briefly nodded to one of the mortuary techs, who turned and left the room.

The room seemed to tilt and spin at the sight of okaa-san. Her soft almond-shaped eyes were red and raw from crying; my father had his bear-claw sized hands on her shoulders, softly massaging them while he muttered words of comfort in a rumbling undertone. She stood ramrod straight while staring into my lifeless face.

If I know my mother, she’d hold all her emotions in until she was alone. I never once knew her to cry in front of anyone, not even my father. She really held onto that famous Japanese stoicism with a firm grip; all pride and steel. Dad said that, when her family threw her out of the house after they learned about her affair with him, a gaijin which was the most unpardonable sin, she left with her head held high. She never shed a tear over what she had lost. Not then, not ever. Of course, it got much worse once she had me. I was considered a konketsuji or a mixed blood child which made it tough for us all the way around.


“Kirue?” My father took one of my mother’s hands in his and gently squeezed. “Ikkimashou.”

Kaa-san returned the gesture with a sad smile. “Will you give me a minute, David? I want to say goodbye to Noah. I can’t just leave her like this. You understand, don’t you?”

“Of course,” he replied. “I’ll wait for you outside. I’m sure she already knows how I feel.”

Her eyes followed him until he went through the door, then she leaned over to touch my face.

Ara, Noah-chan. What am I going to do with you gone, my only child? Don’t worry. Soon you’ll be a kami and you’ll be wandering around the house again, getting into trouble like you always did,” Kaa-san paused as her voice cracked a bit, then continued. “Odaiji ni... Itsu made mo, anata wa watashi no kokoro ni aru.” (“Be well, and know you will always be in my heart.”)

Gotta love my mother. She’s lived in the States for 25 years and never quite managed to latch onto English that much. She always said the language was too inadequate to use for expressing her true intentions.

I am a complete wreck by this point, shaking and weeping silent, ghostly tears. I want so much to hold my mother again, to tell her that I’m sorry for dying. I’m so pissed at myself for being at the wrong place at the wrong time that I can feel myself shaking with rage.

“How can you just stand there and see her in pain?” I ask the passive goddess standing beside me. “How can you just stand there and do nothing?”

Iwa-san turned to me, her eyes shining with unshed tears. “Kirue-san is not in pain right now, Noah. But no one, not even a god, can take away the emptiness of losing a child.”

Her words sound reasonable enough to me in my head but nothing can stop the tide of overflowing guilt rampaging through me. “And what was I supposed to do? What can I do as a freaking ghost?” I yell.

“You can look on this and remember. Remember that life is a gift and that every second, every waking moment, is a drop of water in an endless sea of those who drift in and out of your life. Everything you do affects them, not just yourself. Knowing this, feeling your parents’ grief; these things may help you in the journey ahead, to make the choices that will alter your existence from this moment on.”

Her words hit me like a blast of ice water. I have to say, she certainly has a way of sobering people up. This is a lot of responsibility and I’m not sure I’m ready for it.

“No one ever is,” the dark-haired woman replied as if she read my thoughts. “But as coincidental magic is never purposeful, you do not have many options.” She shrugged her shoulders noncommittally. “Either you find a solution to sealing this rift by choosing the life you wish to lead or you will cease to exist.”

I blink a few times in shock at the harshness of her matter-of-fact tone. “Eh, not helpful, Iwa-san.”

“My apologies. Your language makes it hard to convey subtleties.”

“Thanks,” I mutter drily.

“Anytime.”


[hr]
Kieli
13. Big Knowledge Woman
 
Posts: 1827
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 4:08 pm
Location: Wandering


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby justin » Tue Oct 18, 2005 3:17 am

This is a very good story.

The ending of the first part was really unexpected. With Noah talking about it being a perfect day, I wasn't really expecting her to get all blowed up.

The scene with Noah watching her parents was very moving.

I have one big question though, what happened to Angela? I mean the explosion was in the restaurant where she works, right?
02/28/2007
User avatar
justin
23. Volumey Text
 
Posts: 3714
Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 12:18 pm
Location: Chesterfield


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby StrangeQuark » Tue Oct 18, 2005 5:55 am

Oooh, I love quirky, emotional, clever stories. Therefore, I love this story.

The narrative is so darned consistent -- It’s the anchor in this sea of unpredictability. Great job with that.

The beginning, starting with a question to the reader, set me off-kilter (in a good way) and the way you’ve assembled the rest continues to toss me in a dream-like spin as I follow along.

The emotional impact of every scene is sharp; never melodramatic and always engaging.

Awesome job.

--SQ
StrangeQuark
2. Floating Rose
 
Posts: 35
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 5:03 am
Location: New Jersey


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby Kieli » Tue Oct 18, 2005 3:04 pm

First, I have to saw "Wow!" I've been graced by the presence of the ever elusive authors, Justin and SQ. Thanks for taking the time to read this. *deep bow*

I have one big question though, what happened to Angela? I mean the explosion was in the restaurant where she works, right?

No worries about Angela. She hasn't gone anywhere. As a matter of fact, she'll still feature prominently in Noah's life, whether Noah knows it or not ;-)

The narrative is so darned consistent -- It’s the anchor in this sea of unpredictability. Great job with that.

The beginning, starting with a question to the reader, set me off-kilter (in a good way) and the way you’ve assembled the rest continues to toss me in a dream-like spin as I follow along.

The emotional impact of every scene is sharp; never melodramatic and always engaging.

I have to say, this is the best compliment I've ever received; even more so considering the person giving it.

Starting the story didn't take much effort. It was one of those flashes that happens every so often that seemed worthwhile. However, as the chapters continue to progress, I'm expending far more energy writing than I ever have before. I want this to work as my other efforts at original fiction have been lackluster at best. Fanfiction, I can do, no sweat. Original works, not so much. So...Chapter 4 will be tough, I have to tell you, as the tendency is to want to outdo the previous chapter. Hopefully, I'll be able to continually do the story justice and keep you all engaged.

Thanks for reading and for your comments. They are helpful in any form.

Cheers!
K.
Kieli
13. Big Knowledge Woman
 
Posts: 1827
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 4:08 pm
Location: Wandering


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby tcurti3 » Wed Oct 26, 2005 8:56 am

Wow, Kieli. You are really impressing me with this story. I love the understated reaction of the mother--very realistic and moving. You convey in a very efficient and subtle manner the prejudice that the mixed-race couple would have faced in Japan. Well done!
More (please)!!!!
"It's when somebody likes somebody of the same species." -- my friend's 10-year-old when asked to define homosexuality
tcurti3
2. Floating Rose
 
Posts: 36
Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2005 3:30 pm
Location: scenic chicagoland


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby Kieli » Fri Nov 04, 2005 11:19 am

Sorry to have been so lax, folks. I'm working on a fic called All With Good Intentions (started it before this one) and for some reason, it has been calling me this week. I swear, I'm not neglecting Noah....the next chapter is just proving harder to formulate than I had planned. Thanks for your patience.
Kieli
13. Big Knowledge Woman
 
Posts: 1827
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 4:08 pm
Location: Wandering


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby Kieli » Fri Nov 18, 2005 9:14 am

ETA: A most excellent artist named Lone Wolf did the artwork for Coincidental Magic. Check it out! It SO rocks. I fainted about 8 times when she sent it to me. I owe her BIG.
Kieli
13. Big Knowledge Woman
 
Posts: 1827
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 4:08 pm
Location: Wandering


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby tcurti3 » Fri Nov 18, 2005 11:09 am

Cool artwork!
I've been reading 'All with Good Intentions', as well. Have you spent much time in Japan? I vacationed there a few years ago and 'Intentions' really sends me back there.
You are such a talented writer. Color me jealous.
That being said, let me toss in my vote for a timely update to 'Coincidental'. Just seeing you had posted something on this story made me re-read the whole thing and now I'm going to be thinking about Noah all day instead of whatever else I should be doing.
It's only fair I bug you about updates, as you harangued me about my short chapters...
"It's when somebody likes somebody of the same species." -- my friend's 10-year-old when asked to define homosexuality
tcurti3
2. Floating Rose
 
Posts: 36
Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2005 3:30 pm
Location: scenic chicagoland


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby Kieli » Fri Nov 18, 2005 6:13 pm

tcurti3 wrote:Cool artwork!
I've been reading 'All with Good Intentions', as well. Have you spent much time in Japan?

Father was stationed there, I have Japanese/Chinese friends who speak the language rather well, I took a few classes in Japanese History and Mythology.

You are such a talented writer. Color me jealous.

Don't be. I'm still feeling my way around this thing LOL

That being said, let me toss in my vote for a timely update to 'Coincidental'. Just seeing you had posted something on this story made me re-read the whole thing and now I'm going to be thinking about Noah all day instead of whatever else I should be doing. It's only fair I bug you about updates, as you harangued me about my short chapters...

*LMAO* Point taken. I will try. I am stuck on a few things but my trusty beta will kick me in the butt soon enough. Your updates are killing me btw. Angst? Oh yeah, bring it on, baby.
Last edited by Kieli on Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
Kieli
13. Big Knowledge Woman
 
Posts: 1827
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 4:08 pm
Location: Wandering


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby Boschi » Thu Dec 15, 2005 9:15 pm

Hark! What sound through yonder winder breaks?
Tis the tippytapping of impatient fingers...

Perhaps an update soon? Reciprocate with the prezzies, heh?

- Boschi
Boschi
14. Lesbo Street Cred
 
Posts: 2066
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 10:00 am
Location: Middle 'o the middle, U.S.A.


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby Kieli » Thu Dec 15, 2005 11:32 pm

Boschi wrote:Hark! What sound through yonder winder breaks?
Tis the tippytapping of impatient fingers...

Perhaps an update soon? Reciprocate with the prezzies, heh?

- Boschi

I'm workin' on it, I'm workin' on it. It's been a hell of a month with me playing lawyer for arbitration hearings and fighting with docs about the state of my father's health, my mind has been a'busy. Never fear, though, I've actually outlined the story (shock of all shocks) up to the end. I think you'll either be pleasantly surprised or go WTF? Anyhoo, I'll do what I can since you asked so nicely *wry smile*
Last edited by Kieli on Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:12 am, edited 1 time in total.
Kieli
13. Big Knowledge Woman
 
Posts: 1827
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 4:08 pm
Location: Wandering


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby tcurti3 » Fri Dec 16, 2005 5:44 pm

Woo and hoo! An update's a-comin'! I'm much more excited about that than some chubby guy in a funny suit performing a b&e down my chimney.
"It's when somebody likes somebody of the same species." -- my friend's 10-year-old when asked to define homosexuality
tcurti3
2. Floating Rose
 
Posts: 36
Joined: Sun Aug 21, 2005 3:30 pm
Location: scenic chicagoland


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby Boschi » Sat Jan 07, 2006 9:29 pm

:-D

Hello. Okay, my last message was perhaps a tad obnoxious. Demanding. Impatient. Rude. Petulant.

Apologies.

So I get the whole life crashing all around you thing - kind of deaf from all the cymbals going off around me at the mo' too. So best wishes on all fronts... keep yer wits about you.

But if you happen to have an update, you know, laying around somewhere....

Utterly calm and patient regards,

Boschi
Boschi
14. Lesbo Street Cred
 
Posts: 2066
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 10:00 am
Location: Middle 'o the middle, U.S.A.


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby Kieli » Sun Jan 08, 2006 9:35 am

Boschi wrote::-D

Hello. Okay, my last message was perhaps a tad obnoxious. Demanding. Impatient. Rude. Petulant.

Apologies.

LOL no worries. I understand the impatient part. *sigh* I was TRYING to finish All With Good Intentions because people were poking me about that too. Only one freaking chapter but ARRRGGH! But, not without a silver lining, we're turning that fic into a webcomic as well as this one. So...if I can get cracking on the next chapter of CM, then my artist friend can work on drawing the first three chapters of the webcomic and I can post it.

Thanks for being ever the utterly calm and patient Boschi
Last edited by Kieli on Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
Kieli
13. Big Knowledge Woman
 
Posts: 1827
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 4:08 pm
Location: Wandering


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby Boschi » Thu Jan 26, 2006 7:54 pm

:whistle

That's me.

Patient Boschi.

Yup, Room 13, Ward 13. Patient Boschi.

Sorry - weird mood.
Boschi
14. Lesbo Street Cred
 
Posts: 2066
Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 10:00 am
Location: Middle 'o the middle, U.S.A.


Re: Coincidental Magic - Original Fiction

Postby Kieli » Thu Jan 26, 2006 9:38 pm

Boschi wrote::whistle

That's me.

Patient Boschi.

Yup, Room 13, Ward 13. Patient Boschi.

Sorry - weird mood.

LOL it's ok, I really must apologise to everyone. Between trying to finish up All With Good Intentions and trying to study for certification exams, I've been getting distracted. Plus my bloody outline keeps CHANGING! I must beg your indulgence. If only SQ were updating to distract us all...or even Boschi
Last edited by Kieli on Mon Jul 16, 2012 8:14 am, edited 1 time in total.
Kieli
13. Big Knowledge Woman
 
Posts: 1827
Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 4:08 pm
Location: Wandering

Next

Return to Board index

Return to The Inward Eye

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 8 guests


Powered by phpBB The phpBB Group © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007
Style based on a Cosa Nostra Design