Creation (Updated 10/16)

[YMKA]

Hello my dear

I'm a frequent visiter here.... aren't ya impressed? I know I am....not only do I enjoy reading this....but I am also leaving fb....wow...people change

Hm...Alicia is strange....wasn't she the one who followed Willow from the funeral and then took Tara to her house?....then why all the jealousy??? Maybe not strange....human....

Poor Tara....Willow knew what she was doing....didn't she?
And! They talked.....yes! they did!!! I'm happy....I can die now ..

Thanks!

M.

[vix84]

watson: Thanks, watty. I'll watch out for investment banker jokes from now on. "After the last update, when they walked away after the concert, I was hoping their relationship could have advanced a little. But it hasn't really, has it?" I agree - it has advanced only in the sense of time passing and them learning little things about each other, such as favourite movies and foods. But they've being fundamentally dishonest with each other by not discussing all the things you mentioned. I think that Tara thinks she is doing the right thing by pushing aside her feelings during Willow's grieving, but she is actually creating more problems by doing so, and making their friendship more superficial than deep. Anyway, thanks for reading.

Marina: I'm very impressed! You have changed. I'm marvelling at it as we speak. Hmm, god knows about Alicia's jealousy. A secret crush on Tara? Deep-rooted insecurity about losing a friend? Take your pick. I think she did Tara the favour of getting Willow's address without thinking through how it might change things between them.

Other readers:
I'm a little discouraged by the lack of feedback. My feedback seems to have reduced from a bunch of enthusiastic replies to two. I know that people are busy, and that some are readers of the lurksome variety, but it makes me want to stop updating and go into kitten hiding. *dons a disguise* So, if you're out there and reading this fic and not replying, may this be a proclamation of my need for assurance. Or should I stop wasting my time and yours, and quit while I'm ahead?

[Jenara]

I really enjoy your story, especially how you fill in the background so that we not only know whats happening and how the girls relate to each other in the current story, but WHY they relate to each other in such a way. You create a very believable premise while putting a slight twist on the characters more usual personalities. It's nice not to see Willow act like a little girl and see Tara more confident.

Jen

Oh and this is my first ever feedback to anyone on the board.. *grin* how'd I do?

[Artemis]

I'm sorry I haven't left feedback for the latest chapter until now - I've been hard at work on a Secret Project , and I'm only just keeping up with all the fics I follow.

I'm finding this part of the story, the extended flashback, really moving, especially from Willow's side. I feel that she knows she wants to be with Tara, and she knows (at least on some semi-conscious level) that she should be doing more to 'treat her right', as they say. But at the same time, she's dealing with enormous pain and grief, and there's only so much she can do about how that's affecting her. I'm glad that she confided in Tara - as well as letting her know more of what happened, and thus why she (Willow) has been affected the way she has, it seems as if she's saying "I know I'm a mess, I'm sorry, please forgive me while I try to sort myself out". It's a huge step on the road to getting back on her feet, and to letting Tara into that part of herself that she's been trying not to go to, after Anne's death. And to letting Tara know it's okay to go there - that far from wanting not to have to deal with the grief, she wants to deal with it, and for Tara to be a part of that.

[Urn of Osiris]

Heya!

I have to agree with Artemis. I'm enjoying the length of the flashback. We're really seeing how their initial encounters set the stage for them. Sharing the emotional highs and lows so early in a relationship can open windows to the heart and soul of a person. You are giving us a great look at both characters. I like this story alot. Please continue to write and I will continue to read and shower you with praise.

You can even slap me up for taking so long to publicly display my adoration.

I hope the move goes well and you are net-ready soon. Mwa!!!!!

[Graceland]

Hi, sorry for not feedbacking before, this is a sweet story, I mean Willow is pregnant but she seems to have issues (or hormonal imbalance?). The extended flashback reads like a fic in its own right, so we have two fics going on in parallel, which adds to the enjoyment. I'm glad they got the "am I gay" part out so early but their relationship progress doesn't seem to be going too well. Admitting that they are attracted to each other would be a good start. Good story, thank you!

[vix84]

Feedback replies:

Jenara: Thank you so much! I give you 10/10 for your first ever feedback. "It's nice not to see Willow act like a little girl" <- lol, I'll try to make her as grown up as possible. Hopefully not too adult after this update. I hope you continue to like the twist I put on the characters and enjoy the story. Welcome to the land of feedback leaving!

Chris: Ooh, a Secret Project? The mystery, the suspense... it's killing me! I like what you say about Willow's actions and the fact that she knows she is a mess. I only wish she was a little better at dealing with it. I'm so pleased to hear that you're liking the extended flashbacks. I plan to have a lot more of the background, mixed in with the present. All the angst in the past makes them even more deserving of a happy, sex-filled present, IMHO.

Urnie: "Sharing the emotional highs and lows so early in a relationship can open windows to the heart and soul of a person." Woohoo! Another one of those golden Urnie lines! Thanks for leaving feedback, I don't care about how late it is *charges you a fine* and I'm glad to hear you like this story.

Graceland: Hey there. It's nice to see a new name in this thread. Thanks for your comments. Oh dear, so you think modern day Willow is hormonally inbalanced/has issues? I think the Willow of the past is much worse. Well, I guess Tara has her work cut out for her. I agree that the relationship progress is more of the two steps forward, five steps backward variety, but I promise it will change soon.

Note - excuse the angst/ouch/punch of this chapter. Let me say that the next chapter, to be posted very soon, will finally result in some happiness.

[vix84]

Update

"Oh, darn."

"What is it?" Willow looks at Tara's face and smiles; the blonde's chin is smudged with sauce, her hair is tied back messily and there's a pout on her lips.

"I forgot to buy one of the herbs I needed. I have to run down to the store."

"It still smells great to me. Can't you leave out those pesky herbs?"

"No," Tara says. "If the recipe calls for herbs, I use herbs." She laughs at Willow's look of incomprehension.

"If a recipe needed herbs and I didn't have herbs, I'd hold the herbs." Willow pauses, musing over her words. "I guess that's why my cooking experiments don't turn out so well."

"That's okay. You have other talents," Tara says. She grabs her purse and heads out.

Willow, accustomed to being useless in the kitchen, looks around for something to do. Everything she can think of doing has been done. Finally, she switches on the kettle to make tea. She sits at the table, drinking slowly as she waits for Tara.

She feels the familiar jolt of excitement when she hears the key turn in the door. "You're back."

"Miss me?"

"I did," Willow says pitifully.

Tara adds the herbs to the pan, transfers the food into a tray and puts it in the oven, and walks out of the room. She glances at herself in the hallway mirror, releases her hair from the rubber band holding it out of her face and runs her fingers through it. It falls gracefully to her shoulders.

"You don't need to primp; you look great already." Willow walks out of the kitchen and stands next to Tara.

Tara blushes, looking up at Willow bashfully. "Do not."

Willow arches an eyebrow, taking a step forward. "Looking for an argument? If you want to be punished or somethin', you only have to ask."

"Oh, I have to ask for it now, do I? Is that how it is?" Tara loops her finger around the top of Willow's jeans and pulls her close. She gives a slow, seductive smile.

"Well, that has always been the rule," Willow says. "But I've decided to revise it for tonight. Just, y'know, to be nice."

"You're very nice." Tara puts her palm under Willow's chin and tilts her face upwards. "May I?"

"Kiss me? Of course. No rules, remember?"

Tara laughs, then leans forward so suddenly that her next breath is shared with Willow. She begins to kiss her - softly at first, then gaining intensity until Willow almost cries out.

The fire alarm cries out instead.

"Oh, no," Tara says against Willow's lips. "There goes dinner."

When the doorbell rings, Willow is propped up on a couch with a pillow behind her back, and Tara is in the kitchen.

"Hi, Lisa," Tara calls out, rushing to open the door. "Welcome to our humble residence."

"Thank you! Wow, I love it already - I noticed the fountain of the two women in the garden... very classy and timeless, and... God it smells great in here."

"Thanks. I'm sure the chef at Marty's Pizzeria would be flattered," Tara says dryly.

Lisa sounds shocked. "We're having pizza? I expected you to cook after you told me how much you enjoy... Can pregnant women even eat pizza?"

"Don't ask questions about tonight's menu, Lisa," Willow calls from the lounge room. "It's a sore point for Tara. And yes, I can eat pizza."

"What happened with the menu?" Lisa follows the voice down the hall and stops in front of Willow's chair. All of a sudden she seems shy. "Um, hey. You must be Willow."

"I sure hope so," Willow says, looking down at her body. "Nice to meet you, Lisa."

Their conversation over dinner consists of a variety of topics - from neo-punk music to diet changes during pregnancy. Willow avoids talking about Lisa's family or letting on that she knows about the situation. A comfortable silence falls over them when they finish eating.

Lisa sits back, wiping sauce off her hands and looking from Tara to Willow. "If you don't mind me asking," she says, "I'm kind of curious about the whole gay thing."

"It's a thing?" Willow laughs and then notices the look that Tara gives her. A chiding spouse look; a look she expects to receive and give often when they embark into the world of parenting. "Uh, yes, the gay thing."

"The gay thing," Tara echoes, looking distracted.

"You know... how you got together and dealt with all the issues," Lisa says. She fidgets with a napkin as she waits for a response.

Willow turns to look at her wife. She knows that Tara is wondering if Lisa has any confusion about her sexuality. She remains silent; Tara is the best person to answer if this is the case.

Tara

I wish I could say that our story took a bold and adventurous twist after that night. I'd like to say that Willow took her mother's advice and "moved on." That we exchanged words easily and frequently, until our friendship shifted into something deeper.

The opposite happened. We continued our dinners, laughing and discussing trivial matters. We had a few too many drinks at a karaoke bar and sang and danced until dawn. We cried together when Willow's dog had to be put down, and made ourselves sick on comfort chocolate. We went to dinner with Willow's parents and exchanged looks when Willow's father propositioned the teenage waitress.

It was possible that we were moving in the right direction, but at a very slow rate. I didn't get a chance to find out.

I had recently been given another part-time job - proofreading for a community paper. I loved the position and put many hours into it. I was given the afternoon off after finishing a large project and decided to show up at the apartment and surprise Willow. But Willow surprised me more.

We had never discussed her sexuality in any way. She'd hinted at previous relationships but was hesitant to go into detail. After Anne's death, I was sure that she wouldn't be ready to date for months. I had, as I said to Alicia, "backed off." I assumed that if Willow was questioned about her sexual preference at that time, she would check the 'asexual' box. I couldn't believe how misguided I had been.

Willow didn't know what to say to me. It was obvious that she hadn't considered how to tell me. She broke it off with the girl - if there was anything substantial enough to break - and wouldn't talk about it. We had one more dinner, a terse, unpleasant experience, before we stopped speaking.

I was crying when Alicia got home from visiting her friends up north. She found me at the kitchen table, tears falling so steadily that I could taste them in my throat, and got angry. I was so glad to have her.

She told me repeatedly to forget Willow, and said that I deserved much better. It was easier to believe Alicia than to understand what Willow had done, so I stopped answering her phone calls and pretended I wasn't home when she came over to our apartment.

By December, it was as though she'd never existed. Of course, I thought about her constantly; it was impossible not to. Sometimes I would have dreams about her and wake up feeling relieved - until I was greeted with the reality of my empty bed. Most of the songs I wrote at that time were about her. At first it was difficult to put together lyrics that encapsulated all my bitterness. I came up with twisted, vengeful songs that formed in rhyme. Something changed after that, and I found myself able to write strong, emotional lyrics.

I saw her in town a couple of times and walked straight past. It was hard to ignore her. On one occasion, I saw the expression on her face. She looked so frail and sad that I nearly dropped the facade and hugged her.

Things were changing outside my person life. I dropped the weekly responsibility of the columns I had been writing and took on more shifts for the proof-reading position. I started going out with Alicia and her friends and, despite a lingering sadness, I managed to enjoy myself. I started learning how to play the guitar, too. It was something I'd been meaning to do for a long time and when I'd seen an advertisement for a tutor I signed up on the spot.

One afternoon, Alicia came into my room while I was practising. "Phone call, Tare." She looked uneasy.

I put down my guitar and stared. "Is it...?"

She shook her head. "Some girl. She's kind of bitchy. I don't know who it is, but it isn't You-know-who." She made devil horns at her temples with her fingers.

We snickered, having recently discovered Harry Potter. "Okay, thanks." I took the phone and forced myself to speak into it. "Hello?"

"No, I'm not dead, if you even care."

"Hey, Beth. How are you doing?"

"Fine. The band I'm in is doing great, despite the fact that one of its singers couldn't care less."

"I do care, Beth. I've just had a difficult couple of months. Things got busy."

"Okay. Whatever."

I understood why Alicia had been nervous to give me the phone; Beth wasn't making any attempts at pleasantries.

"Anyway, Tara, we're having a party for New Year's Eve. We were going to play some songs and wanted to know if you'd be interested in coming. If you still want to be in the band, that is."

"Of course I do," I said, starting to feel angry instead of apathetic. "It was my idea to create the band in the first place, Beth."

"Tara's in," she said to someone in the background. "Okay, I'll email you the details. See you there, little cous'."

***

Our rehearsals for the gig were tedious. I would turn up, sing as though I cared about the lyrics, eat snacks and make conversation, and then leave.

We made an interesting group. I was the one lesbian in their entire social circle and none of them seemed able to grasp the concept. They were careful to avoid discussing it, other than the very infrequent question about my love life.

Beth and I couldn't have been more different. Considering that we had the same family, same upbringing, and came from the same city, one would expect our values and opinions to be similar, or to show cohesion at some points. Instead, we were constantly arguing about anything and everything.

The other two band members, Beth's college friends, were nice. Jenny was a Canadian who had played the violin since the age of six. She was loud and had opinions about every lyric and key change, which infuriated Beth. Nicole, a native Californian, was quiet and hard-working and I guessed that the band was the main form of social activity in her life. Not unlike myself.

After one of my guitar lessons, I was on my way to band practice when I thought I saw Willow. I'd never had both rehearsals on the same day and had forgotten that the route would take me past the building where she worked. I walked closer to the building, wondering if the redhead I could see from a distance was her. She was standing in her work clothes outside the building, talking to a colleague. I walked a few more feet and stopped, squinting. She was gesturing wildly as she talked. It had to be Willow.

She hadn't seen me, so it would have been reasonable for me to step past gingerly. Something inside made me approach her.

"Excuse me," I said, smiling at the woman beside her. "Hi, Willow."

Willow let out a little sound. It wasn't a pretty sound. It was a soft 'ooh', like I'd deflated her. "Uh, hello." She wasn't being friendly.

Her friend picked up on the tension - it wasn't hard to do so - and excused herself.

"How have you been?" I asked.

She shrugged. "Okay." Her eyes lingered on my guitar case. "That's new."

"Yeah, I took it up a while ago."

I registered the cuteness of her clothing. She was in a black suit and her hair was styled. "Wow. Don't you look all professional."

"Thanks. I like your look, too. I guess you weren't lying at the Ren Faire."

I laughed at this. I was wearing the purple dress that I'd worn to the Faire. "Yeah. Of course I didn't lie. I didn't lie about anything."

My comment, meant to put her at ease, had the opposite effect. She looked troubled. I felt bad, even though I hadn't intended to hurt her. "Hey, Willow, my band has a gig on New Year's Eve. If you don't have any plans, you should come and see us. We've gotten better, I think."

"Oh. I was planning to attend the function that my company is having that night; a big annual party with rich couples turning up in flashy cars to do stupid things under the influence of champagne. Then they spend the first few months of the new year trying to compensate for the stupid things they did."

"Okay. I just thought I'd ask."

"Tara!"

"What?"

"Did that really sound like I was turning you down?"

"Uh..." I looked uncertainly at her.

"I wasn't. I'd like to see your band again. Also, I'd like to catch up with Beth." She peeked her tongue through her lips, the first hint of humor so far in this conversation. Beth hadn't exactly welcomed Willow into our lives when they met.

"I'm sure Beth misses you, too," I replied. “She just loves lesbians.” I winced at my last remark; I'd never clarified whether or not Willow was gay. I could have taken the compromising position I'd seen her in as a physical answer to this dilemma but I preferred to have her tell me.

"Oh, yes." She tapped her fingers against the wall. "Tara? If it gets awkward that night, I'll leave. Don't worry."

"I'm not worried."

She handed me her organizer and I put in the time and address of the gig. I checked my watch and saw that I was going to be late. "I have to go, Willow. I've got rehearsal now."

"See you in a couple of weeks." She waved as I walked away. We were so casual yet our words were clearly forced. I couldn't believe that this was the person I had cradled in my arms as I slept.

When I reached the traffic light, I turned around to see if she was still there. She was leaning against the wall, watching me.

[Keops.]

hey! i've been reading your fic since the beginning and i was curious about the next update, and here it is! it's great, you just keep surprising me (every time i think thats it, they're gonna get with the lovin' right now) and it's kind of addictive and i love it!
cant wait for the next update

Keops.

[cohen101]

...well done good update.I like the way you look at the diffrent stages of the + relationship.

[watty]

I've been so engrossed and muchly enjoying the flashback that for one minisecond I was like "huh? They're kissing? What did I miss?" And then I realized we're back to the future, or present, or whatever it is. I'll be honest, I was initially disappointed, cos I really wanted to read the getting together part of their story.

But of course you redeemed yourself, when Tara started telling Lisa the story. You fit that in so well, and it follows so logically from the previous chapters. Well done on using Tara as narrator, whereas the previous flashbacks have been in third person, using first person gives it more intimacy, a greater personal touch.

And boy did they not get it right.

It was possible that we were moving in the right direction, but at a very slow rate. I didn't get a chance to find out.

Love how Tara underplayed the shock. How she didn't go into the details when telling the story, of finding Willow with someone else. I can understand the bitterness, the anger, because Willow had probablly violated an unspoken trust that had built up.

It is very believable to feel the sort of slow simmer anger that the person you're acutely in love with is in the same room, or even sitting right next to you on the couch so your thighs are almost touching, and you make a conscious effort to pointedly ignore them and letting them know that they are being cold shouldered.. Yep, been there, done that.

Something inside made me approach her.

What made Tara change her mind? Did she get less angry? I'm just wondering cos if she went to all that effort in ignoring Willow, why did she go up and talk to her?

We were so casual yet our words were clearly forced. I couldn't believe that this was the person I had cradled in my arms as I slept.

Their conversation was simply heartbreaking. Here they were, trying to be sarcastic and nonchalant, yet the ache for the other is there, in a subtle way. I'd very much like to know what is going through their minds when they were having that conversation. But I'd like it more when they finally shake away the uncertainties and just get together already.

You said soon, right? Next chapter will be posted soon? Well, in my line of work (and no i-banker jokes ), soon means yesterday, and even if I allow you the benefit of doubt, it means by the weekend, okay? [/begging bitchily]
[br]

[Urn of Osiris]

*Tries to compose another Urnie line*

Heya!!

This was quite the update. I liked it so much. The opening scenes were very confusing. I couldn't tell who, what why, where.... And then it all came together. I liked... no, LOVED it. IThe tension between them is so honest. It's interesting to read them this way. The lack of instant magic rainbows and fluffy bunnies is actually intriguing. It was sad that Tara discovered the answer to Willow's sexuality the way that she did. I guess it is one of the harsh realities of dating. I can't wait to hear how they resolve it. I'm sure you have something delicious up your sleeve.

WHATEVER you do, don't stop writing this fic. It's brilliant and I enjoy every update. Thanks for sharing it.

Mwa!!!!!!!!

[binky]

I've been enjoying this story a whole lot but hadn't posted fb before. Bad me. Let me just gush now, this is really nice storytelling. You've done a great job so far with the flashbacking and the writing is really lovely. RE. the last update - I was kind of thrown to be back in the present, but it reads much more smoothly one chapter after another. Your versions of the characters continue to be very complex. Bad Willow! It sounds as if she's been using Tara for comfort, while going elsewhere for her other, um, needs. That's odd, considering Tara's... well, she's hot. And she was already attracted to Willow. But perhaps putting all her eggs in one person's basket (sorry for that ugly phrase) was too much for her at the time. Knowing beforehand that they'll end up together doesn't decrease the amount of interest in seeing how they (or you) are going to fix this, so count me among the interested parties clamoring for another update soon.

binky

[Tara22]

Hey sweetest,

I have a lot of catching up to do on this marvelous fic (seems I'm always saying that) but I just wanted to pop in and remind you that you're the best writer I know (Urnie comes a close second, of course) and that I hope you never stop doing it because you really bare a part of your soul when you do. You're beautiful, bubs!

Your biggest fan

[vix84]

Keops: I'm so glad that you're addicted. I hope this update lives up to your thirst for twists and unsatisfying endings. I'll keep them celibate and kiss-free just for you.

cohen101: Thank you for leaving feedback! I like to think that while this fic is AU it keeps on the basic characteristics and personality traits of W&T. I'm enjoying peeling back the layers to each part of their relationship and life together. I hope you continue to read and enjoy.

watson: Woohoo, my aim was to have you all confused as to why the heck they were kissing and was it the past or present. It was difficult to make their conversation and actions neutral enough to be read as though it was still the flashback.

Sorry about the heartbreaking conversation and the length of time they're needing to get together. I promise I'll stop... soon. I hope this isn't considered too long a time to update. In my line of work, soon is a week. Oh, I met an i-banker on the bus recently. He was strange. I didn't know people were able to talk about MBAs for the amount of time that he did.

Urnie: I'm glad that you're intrigued by the lack of rainbows and bunnies. *hands you our rainbow flag and Rachy's tattered bunny*. Uh oh, you're expecting me to have something delicious up my sleeve? Crappola. Thanks for your very sweet comments - I won't stop writing this fic until the feedback slowly dies like an oversalted leech. The day that happens, I go back into lurkmode.

binky: Hey, it's so great to see you in my thread. Especially after I read your fic entry and a couple of vignettes and adored your writing style. I will leave feedback, I promise! Thank you so much for your comments on the storytelling - it really puts a smile on my face and makes it worth posting. By the way, your comment about the eggs in the basket and your apology for it amused me very much.

Biggest fan: You're more beautiful! Thanks for the skanky phrases written on the chocolate you gave me today. They make my heart flutter! Now get reading this fic, darn it!

Update is coming soon (as will Willow and Tara)...

[vix84]

Hello.

Hi, it's me.

I'll be home in a minute if you want to talk.

I have to tell you something and I don't want to do it in person. You're not going to like it.

Did you break something of mine? Sleep with Mike? Lose the money for this week's rent?

No, hell no, and no. Nothing like that.

Well, if it's none of those things, I don't see why you're wasting your phone credit. I'll be home soon and we'll talk about it.

*

That was a blatant lie, Tara thought glumly, watching Alicia pace back and forth like an enraged animal.

"I just can't understand why you talked to her." Alicia's dark eyes glittered. "Have you forgotten what she did? Do you think that this time it'll be different and she might give you a try?"

"No. I saw her standing there and I wanted to talk to her. I needed to know that she was okay. It's been a while." Tara wished that she hadn't started the conversation; Alicia's vehemence bothered her.

Alicia snorted. "Is she okay? Did she do her little pity act; Woeful Weeping Willow? She does it so well."

"She seems different. She didn't mention anything that happened."

"Great," Alicia said. "I guess we'll all join her in denial land and pretend she didn't get off with a stranger while you waited for her to get her act together."

"Hey, don't talk about Willow like that," Tara said. "I can't say that what she did made me happy, but that's okay. It was her way of telling me that she wasn't interested."

"It was her way of showing that she's a self-obsessed bitch," Alicia muttered.

Tara felt that if the conversation went any further she would scream. "Forget it," she said. "I thought that you'd help me figure out what to do. If you just want to insult her, feel free. I don't want to be around you while you do, though." She began to walk off but her flat mate grabbed her arm.

"I'm sorry," Alicia said heavily. "Really. I have a tendency to get all protective big sister with you." She sighed. "Do you want to be with Willow, even after what happened?"

Tara swallowed. "If you think that I..."

"Yes or no?"

"Yes," Tara said. "I didn't stop."

***

As Tara walked to rehearsal, she considered the haste with which she had agreed to perform with the band. It had created a series of inconveniences and indignities that she could have done without.

The sky was a watery grey and the ground felt soft and unstable. She hated winter. The only time she enjoyed it was when she could stay home and vegetate in front of the TV while the rain fell outside. She wished she could hibernate and cease her everyday existence for the next few months.

When she arrived, the band began the arduous process of deciding on a set list. Usually, Tara was agreeable with the others' preferences. This time, to the surprise of the girls in the band, she didn't sit back quietly during the vote. Knowing that Willow would be seeing the performance made her feel nervous, and every suggestion made her cringe. She enjoyed giving Beth a taste of how challenging the Maclay temperament could be to deal with.

"Tara," Beth said, when they were alone in the kitchen, refilling the snacks, "can I just say - as a friend and relative - that being assertive doesn't suit you? Maybe you should tone it down a little."

"What?" Tara came close to dropping the plate she was holding. "What the hell, Beth?"

"I mean, you've got this attitude now. And I'm not only speaking for myself when I say it's difficult." Beth sniffed.

She's clearly enjoying this, Tara thought. "Sorry for being a burden," she said sarcastically.

"I mean, we're all accepting of your lifestyle. But you should consider who you're hurting the most when you act like this."

Tara mentally crossed Beth off the short list of sane family members she had. "Who?"

"You!"

"Beth, I'll say this once: my life is my business. If I enjoyed hearing poignant speeches about my lifestyle choices, I would have stayed with my father." She gestured at her cousin. "You moved here knowing that you'd be living near me and that I'd be living the way I wanted to. Don't you dare pretend that you're saying this for my benefit."

Beth shrugged. "Fine, do what you want. But don't come crying to me when things get ugly."

***

After Alicia had forced her hair into an unnatural form, Tara started to worry. "What if she didn't want to come in the first place? I hope she doesn't feel obligated because I invited her."

Alicia began to apply makeup on herself. "I'm more worried about myself. I don't think Cousin Peppy is going to be too happy to see me again." She smothered her face with powder and looked worriedly at Tara.

Tara thought back to the one and only meeting of her cousin and flat mate. It had included a daring outfit on Alicia's part, a string of well-intended words about pre-marital sex from Beth, and a thrown drink.

"If Beth does something to offend you, I'll help you out," Tara said. "I may look like the shy retiring type, but I can throw a mean punch."

"It's the lesbian thing," Alicia said, nodding. "Your hands and wrists are strong."

Tara started to retort but Alicia held out a hand. "Don't worry about Willow being there, Tara. If she dares to say or do anything to upset you, I will use my heterosexual, strong legs to kick her out the door."

"Thanks, Ali."

"Thanks, Tare."

They smiled at each other. "Wow, this is monumental. Our first tender moment in weeks." Tara reached out to hug her flat mate.

"We might just make it as friends, after all. Now let's get going. We have a lot of work to do to get you sleeping with the enemy."

"Watch it."

*

Tara

When we arrived at Beth's house, Alicia clung to my arm.

"I'm scared," she whined. "Why can't I hear any music playing? Aren't parties all about the music?"

"I'm sure there's music. Maybe it's down to a neighbor-friendly volume." I patted her shoulder. "Trust me, Ali, I'm not clamoring to go in there either."

She turned to me with wide eyes. "Let's leave! Screw the gig. I don't want to watch Beth trying to be a pop star. We could go to Mike's sister's party and booze it up instead."

I gave her a stern look. "We have to do this. Come on. Breathe in. Exhale. Lift your shoulders. Feel the confidence."

"You owe me, Maclay. It's the eve of the new millennium and we're probably going to be watching fireworks on TV."

We walked into the house and were greeted by an exuberant Beth, who wore a plastered smile and a party hat. "Hello, girls," she squealed. "Ready for some fun?"

I tried not to wince. "Beth, the place looks great." We air kissed. "Can we help with anything?"

"No, Mom has it covered." A giggle escaped her glossy lips. If I didn't know better, I would have assumed she'd been drinking.

"Aunt Barbara is here?"

Alicia gave me a look. It wasn't hard to interpret that it meant 'Let's get out of here.'

"Oops! I forgot to tell you," Beth said, slapping her forehead. "They decided that since I couldn't make it down for Christmas, they'd join us for the New Year. They flew up yesterday morning."

"Beth, who exactly do you mean by 'they'?"

"Come and see," she said, reaching out for my hand. Alicia followed us meekly into the kitchen.

I saw my father seated at the table. He looked like he'd aged a lot since the last time we saw each other. I felt my stomach tip.

"Hello, Dad." I tried to flatten the hairdo that Alicia had worked so painstakingly on.

"Tara." He stood up to greet me and I almost laughed at the formality. "You're looking well."

"Thank you. It's good to see you." I reached out automatically, and he stepped back. I'd forgotten how much he hated to be touched.

"I'm just going to go sit in the lounge," Alicia whispered.

"Was that your friend?" my father asked. I hated the amount of emphasis he put on the word friend. It sounded so bad from his lips.

"She's my flat mate, Dad. We rent an apartment about fifteen minutes away." How do I tell him that Alicia is straight without sounding defensive? Why do I even have to?

"I see."

"Where are you staying?" I asked.

"We're all staying here. Beth is sleeping on the sofa, I'm in the spare room and her parents are using her room." His eyes traced my face and body, resting on my eyes. "It's been a while. What do you do at the moment, Tara?"

I astounded myself by not stuttering as I explained my job. It was difficult to refrain from punctuating my sentences with 'Sir'; when I left home I had made a firm decision to never use the title again.

When I finished speaking, I realized that I hadn't asked about him. "How's Donnie doing? How are things there?" This time, my self-forbidden word was 'home.'

"He's in school. He wants to become an engineer."

I nodded. "That's great. I'm glad he's happy."

An awkward silence pervaded the kitchen.

"So," Beth's father, who had pretended to be busy at the sink, began, "I'm really looking forward to hearing Beth's band. I hear you're in it, Tara."

"Sure, I sing in the band." I glanced at Beth, who rolled her eyes. It wasn't worth arguing over the band's origins. "I'm going to go say hello to Nicole and Jenny. They're in the band, too."

As I walked away I could hear them whispering. I felt a bolt of anger shoot through my body.

"They think we're lesbian lovers," I informed Alicia when I found her in the lounge.

She studied my face. "Was it horrible? I can't believe Beth would invite them without telling you."

"It's okay. I wish she had told me; I could have worried about seeing them instead of about seeing Willow. They're much worse."

"She hasn't shown up yet. I've been watching out for her."

I avoided my family from that point on. Alicia and I managed to have a decent time, drinking shots with some college guys who claimed to be part of Beth's calculus group.

I don't mean to sound over-confident, but by the time Willow arrived, I was ready for her. The shock of seeing my father had made her presence trivial.

"Hi," I said warmly. "Thanks for coming, Willow. I didn't know if you would."

Her eyes exhibited the same fear mine had hours before. "I wouldn't miss the chance to hear you sing. Besides, I figured it might be fun."

"I don't know about that," I replied.

To her credit, Alicia was kind to Willow. "It's good to see you," she said. "I assume that at tonight's gathering you'll be joining me and Tara in the dark side. The dark side includes but is not limited to left-wing voters, homosexuals, alcohol imbibers, sexually-active unmarried people..." she trailed off. "Actually, that's all it includes at the moment. But welcome."

"Thanks, Alicia. Sounds like my kind of group."

The three of us sat together and talked for over an hour. Every time I saw a glimpse of my father, uncle or aunt, I flinched. I was sure that they were angry at me for avoiding them, but I couldn't bring myself to approach them.

At one point, Willow, who had been watching me stare across the room, touched my arm. "Is everything okay?" she asked. "Are you nervous about singing soon?"

"No, that's not it." I glanced at Alicia and she shrugged. "My family is here. I didn't know they were coming and it's a little awkward. I haven't seen my father in a long time."

"Oh." Willow sat up as though she was being monitored. "Which one is he?"

I'd told her bits and pieces of my family history when we were friends. "Over there, by the bookshelf."

She seemed to drink in his features. "There are no similarities between the two of you," she said decidedly.

"Amen," Alicia concurred.

"Has he, uh, said anything?" Willow started to fidget. Whatever I'd told her about my father clearly disturbed her.

"No, not so much." I smiled, noticing her concerned expression.

By the time we got around to playing, I felt calm - which was strange, considering that I was performing for both my father and Willow. For the first time, I was playing guitar as well as singing at a concert. I ran my fingers over the strings and closed my eyes, focussing on the chords I needed to remember.

I sang the solo on one of my favorite jazz songs. The melody was alternate, nearly discordant, and the edges of the notes seemed to stun everyone into watching me sing.

Willow watched intently from the crowd. I wondered what she was thinking; her face was completely neutral.

My gaze flickered to my father. He was eating peanuts out of a plastic cup. He nodded when he noticed me looking at him.

It was only 11pm when we finished and I didn't know how I'd last the night. As the adrenaline from the performance dripped away, I was left feeling exhausted and restless. "Do you really think this party is going to go much later than midnight?" I asked.

"What, you've got a hot date after that?" Alicia teased.

"No… maybe we could leave."

Willow liked the idea. "I'm up for the leaving. We could go to the beach and freeze our butts off as we do our own countdown to the New Year."

"Nice idea," Alicia said. "I'll take some of Beth's alcohol with us."

Willow leaned closer to me and spoke in a near whisper. "Tara, will your family be angry? You barely spoke to them all night."

"It's okay; I'll make up for it by spending time with them tomorrow. I'm going to go in and say goodbye to them."

The thought of going to the beach with Willow made my heart pound. I knew that it wouldn't be private, and that we wouldn't be able to talk about what had happened, but I believed it would be significant nonetheless.

"Go ahead. We'll be waiting for you."

I'd seen Beth go into the kitchen after the performance. I walked in and saw her sitting at the table with her mother.

"Where's Dad?"

Beth folded her arms. "He went to bed. He wasn't feeling so good."

"I hope he's okay." I wondered if he was really sick or if Beth was giving me a hard time.

"Maybe if you'd talked to him during the evening you would know, Tara," my aunt said.

There was no justification I could give for having ignored them. Telling them the truth - that it was too hard for me to be around them - was not going to be the right approach. "I'm sorry."

Beth narrowed her eyes at me. "You don't care the slightest bitty bit about your family, do you? Your dad's been worried sick about you every day since you've been gone."

I knew that Willow and Alicia could hear this and I felt so embarrassed. "I care about my family. I miss you guys. It's hard to be away sometimes."

"So why don't you go back?" Beth hissed. "There's a house that needs taking care of. Donny and your Dad have to do everything while you're here, living..."

"Beth, now's not the time," my aunt said, nudging her.

"Why is it okay for you to live away, Beth? I don't see you back there, having milk and cookies after finishing your after-school chores." As I said this, I realized that I had performed with Beth for the last time.

She looked at me with hatred. "My father has a wife to take care of him. Your father has nothing. Are you honestly telling me that you don't feel guilty? Because you should, Tara."

"No, I don't. I haven't done anything wrong," I said softly, and walked out of the kitchen.

[Urn of Osiris]

OOOOOOOoooooooH! This is getting goooood!
Great reenactment of the fight between Beth and Tara. I like that you've kept the tension between the family members. It gives Tara the strength I always adored after watching Family.

I had to smile when the best friend was gonna go all bitch-slap on Willow. Friends like that are a rare thing. I think anyone that has a friend like that should cherish them.

I love this fic!!! Please keep writing. If I have to I'll post feedback 50 times. I can be creative and write something witty. Or I could cut and paste some from my own fic. *snickers*

So what's going to happen on the beach. Hmmm, sand and waves crashing in the coolness of the evening, Sounds just right for romance. They should stop for hot drinks. I think hot liquid would warm them. Do you have hot liquid in mind???

MORE SOON PLEASE!!! *shouts from rooftop*

[Tonto]

Yay! I loooooove the updates!

Willow liked the idea. "I'm up for the leaving. We could go to the beach and freeze our butts off as we do our own countdown to the New Year."

"Nice idea," Alicia said. "I'll take some of Beth's alcohol with us."

Oooooh.........a drunken NewYear's celebration..........the best kind!

I can't wait for more!

[YMKA]

ROZ!

I missed last update ....I'm ashamed...please forgive me!!!

Oh....I liked this one. I really love flashbacks......it makes their relationship sooo..... real Sure we do know that they ended up together, but it's really great to see their begining

Now...you said that Willow and Tara were coming...I didn't see any of that ....the key part was "soon"....wasn't it?....Damn it Roz....I had my hopes all up.... *shakes her head .....

Me, want more...

[watty]

I'm glad that finally they don't seem to be stuck at that two steps forward one step back mode. Heehee I'm easily satisfied, I'm happy for Tara's sake when she was merely defending Willow against Alicia's reasoning. Ohhh Tara, about her attraction to Willow,

"I didn't stop."

I didn't think she stopped, as witnessed by how mad she was at Willow, to the extent that she ignored her. But she has invited Willow to the party, and I was so happy for Tara when Willow showed up. And the small touches, showing concern for Tara, even the comment

"There are no similarities between the two of you,"

which seems to extend to personality in addition to appearance.

I was half expecting Willow to find some meaning to what Tara was singing, but may be the band stayed away from the real angsty pieces.

The real villain of the day was definitely Beth, with her snide comments and adding fuel to the fire of Tara's Dad's obvious ire at Tara. No, Tara should stay away from her so-called cousin from now on.

Though we know they get together in the end, I am still so keen to know how, and how long it will take them. Will it be at the beach? Will it be later? Do they talk about things or something else propels them together? Really, Roz, I'm with Urnie, I will leave 50 fb posts if necessary, I'll leave you fb using my other screen names, I'll tell more i-banker / lawyer jokes. Just don't stop, okay, sweetie?

Heh, talking about i-bankers, you met an i-banker on a bus? What's an i-banker doing on a bus? Isn't it kinda beneath them? Hmm.
[br]

[Artemis]

Odd thing, I had this sudden suspicion today, along the lines of "Did I leave feedback for the last chapter of Creation?" And I thought about it, and remembered meaning to mention liking the ongoing angst of Willow and Tara's non-getting-together, and Willow's indiscretion, and the well-timed relief of seeing the two of them in the present... but I couldn't remember actually writing it. And lo and behold, I didn't. Bad me. Sorry.

I am really enjoying the angst, even though it's... well, really angsty As I just said, I thought that scene in the present was well-placed, for me it let some of the steam off, so I could think about what's going on between past-Willow and past-Tara without just grinding my teeth and thinking "Dammit you guys!" I'm finding it really interesting - especially Willow's dalliance behind Tara's back. That they didn't just reach a more open understanding of each other was refreshing, if frustrating - I found it very realistic. And I wonder how much of Willow looking for affection elsewhere was because, on some level - perhaps she wasn't even conscious of it - she didn't think she was 'ready' for Tara, or that it was fair of her to burden Tara with her problems. Yet she had needs which could only be hushed so long... it's a sorry, but very believable tale. I'm very much looking forward to seeing how they'll grow together again, after being about as apart as they could be, without just breaking off contact completely and moving to Alaska, or somesuch. It's strange to think it now, but perhaps all this is part of the strength they now enjoy in their relationship - they've felt how it is when things aren't working, first hand.

I'll be back later when I've read the current chapter. Great work so far, and again, apologies for my lateness

[Tara22]

Ok, I am finally reading your updates. Here is my feedback for them:

I love you and your writing style, bubs!!

Chapter dunno

When it reached two weeks, I resigned myself to staying single permanently or becoming straight, as I had no trouble attracting glances, free drinks and distasteful text messages from men.

Love that, lmao, stupid assholic slutbomb men!

And the stuff about Alicia doing Tara’s hair was great! Dude, hon, you write like poetry!

I can’t believe that Alicia stalked Willow to find out where she lived and then brought Tara there. OMG, I was like.

"Al Gore, you're such a naughty boy! How many times do I have to tell you to be quiet?"

OMG lmao! That was funny as heckfire hon!

I felt something inside tighten, whether it was my heart or something naughtier wasn’t clear to me, and I put my hand against the cool wall to steady myself. I had missed that voice.

oh I loved that line. May sound mushy of me but I can’t even describe what it is about your writing. I have called it poetry and it is. It’s like silk. It just flows beautifully and is so real! It’s not overly dramatic. It just is.

I watched as she tried to put her hands in her pajama pockets, only to realize that there were no pockets and pull them out

a classic, need I say more? You have such insight to the little quirks and ways of the human mind that most people leave out.

"What's your problem, Tara?"

I noticed, as she spoke, that she was crying. I think I noticed before she did, because she made no effort to wipe her eyes or nose, or control the volume of her voice.

That just tugged on my heartstrings. How terribly sad.

At least my hair matched the part perfectly, I thought.

so good

"It's my old sleeping bag. It has helped me through some tough stuff. I guess I feel the urge to crawl into it when I'm scared."

*sobs* I love this bit!

Naturally, these words anchored me to her. I didn’t blink. I don’t think I breathed. I just looked until I saw exactly what she’d lead me into the room to discover.

Damn woman.

Poor Poor Will. That’s horrible about her friend! Gosh darnit. Life can be so cruel. I loved how Tara got protective of her. Even from the beginning the love and adoration was there.

Chapter dunno 2

It sounded like Willow's voice, but there was something different about it. It was higher and tighter, like she was trying to be flippant but
was too tense to pull it off.

oh that’s so well worded!

light made the colors bounce dizzyingly around her

beautiful!

Even the stuffed toys were divided by species, she noticed.

lol!! That’s funny as!

Understandably," Tara offered.

"To you, maybe." A smile tugged at Willow's mouth, and she looked away before it could form.

LOVE that!

What do you mean? Of course it is." Willow's eyes dropped from the ceiling to Tara. "I'm so glad you came over. Last night was perfect; exactly what I needed."

awwwwwwww. They’re so cute, bubs! I’m glad Willow wasn’t freaked by Alicia following her home from the funeral.

"Be still my beating heart. Waking up in a girl's bedroom and being told that last night was perfect..."

LOL!!!

"No way! It was yours, without a doubt. My stomach only makes ladylike noises."

LMAO! Niiice!

"Do you start every invitation with a disclaimer?" Tara asked, amused by the fragmented question.

"Most of them, yes."

That was adorable

Willow led them to a café that was several streets away from her apartment. Tara studied the outside: the door handle was a giant peace sign and through the glass she could see people eating. She noticed that the walls were covered with posters, paintings, leaflets and political messages.

*heart swells*

“No, not a ghost,” Willow drawled, giving Tara a coy look. “Just learning from you.”

“Learning what?” Tara folded her arms.

“How to be into women.”

That’s soo good! Lol

"I'm paying," Willow argued.

"Okay." Tara smiled. She gave the note a push so that it fluttered over to rest in front of Willow. "You can do the actual paying, if you insist."

*claps gleefully*

Ohhhhh, Tara’s in a banddddddd. Music launch, I’m excited!

She gives her a hug, or flicks a pea at her, and eventually she starts to lighten up.

cuuuuuuute!

Oh, the music launch was beautiful! I don’t like Beth either

I love how into the music Willow got! How sad that the song was about Tara’s mom.

Oh the ending. Walking into the night *sighs* beautiful!


Chapter dunno 3

Fortunately, I had inherited the rare trait of invincibility when it came to cooking. When I was a child, I spent hours watching my mother prepare food. I was astounded by the way she could use her hand as a chopping board. So far, my hands seemed to work the same. I wondered if, someday, my children would gain my superhands.

That may be but I won’t let them do it You’re too cute!

Damn Alicia!

I flicked a piece of tomato at her. "I know that I've been busy with Willow. She needs me a lot, lately. I'm not going to pull away while she's going through this." You didn't want to spend much time with me before I met Willow.

Love that! Poor Tara

Oh, I liked how Tara was bothered by Ali using Anne’s name before Willow was ready to do so!

It’s so cute that Tara makes her dinner!

Willow having a bath when Tara gets there OH my!

Oh the awkward tension over dinner. How scary. I bet it was thick enough to cut with a knife!

The revelations: goodness. How sad! Is Anne Buffy?

But it wasn't only that. She saved me from myself, I
guess."

*sobs*

"We did everything together. Every spare minute was spent doing something unpredictable."

sounds familiar.

"That was kind of her. I can picture you wearing khaki pants, leather wrist bands and clunky boots to a prissy surburban cafe." I sensed Willow relaxing as the conversation became lighter.

LOL! I can see it toooooo!

OMG, lol! The thing about the anniversary of her death was funny as! Poor Willow though. Life can be so hard!

"I don't know. Maybe that you're the person I'll be close with forever, instead of Anne."

I handed her a tissue. "Trust me, I plan to be."

*sighs* awww, I love it, babe!

Chapter dunno 4

"No," Tara says. "If the recipe calls for herbs, I use herbs." She laughs at Willow's look of incomprehension.

"If a recipe needed herbs and I didn't have herbs, I'd hold the herbs." Willow pauses, musing over her words. "I guess that's why my cooking experiments don't turn out so well."

I love you!

"Kiss me? Of course. No rules, remember?"

cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute!!

”It's a thing?" Willow laughs and then notices the look that Tara gives her. A chiding spouse look; a look she expects to receive and give often when they embark into the world of parenting. "Uh, yes, the gay thing."

That’s funny, hon! Well described!

The dinner with Lisa was great. I love Lisa. She’s such a good character. Poor girl. I wonder if she is questioning her sexuality.

OMG about Willow being with another girl!

That one came out of left wing

Sometimes I would have dreams about her and wake up feeling relieved - until I was greeted with the reality of my empty bed.

*sobs* how sad!

On one occasion, I saw the expression on her face. She looked so frail and sad that I nearly dropped the facade and hugged her.

Beth is such a biatch! *slaps her* I hate people like that!`

"I'm sure Beth misses you, too," I replied. “She just loves lesbians.”

oh, their reunion was cute but tense. Why Willow, why!?

When I reached the traffic light, I turned around to see if she was still there. She was leaning against the wall, watching me.

I loved that line! It’s so subtle but really good!

Chapter dunno 5

Well, if it's none of those things, I don't see why you're wasting your phone credit. I'll be home soon and we'll talk about it.

Lol! I wonder who that sounds like

The weird thing with the Alicia Tara convo about Willow is that I found myself agreeing with Alicia and thinking of Willow as a ‘self obsessed bitch’. It’s odd since in every other instance I’ve liked her!

It’s cute though, that Alicia is supporting Tara now.

"Tara," Beth said, when they were alone in the kitchen, refilling the snacks, "can I just say - as a friend and relative - that being assertive doesn't suit you? Maybe you should tone it down a little."

grrrrrrr, shut up Beth!

"It's the lesbian thing," Alicia said, nodding. "Your hands and wrists are strong."

LOL! Niiiice!

It’s so cute how nervy Tara is!

They smiled at each other. "Wow, this is monumental. Our first tender moment in weeks." Tara reached out to hug her flat mate.

awwwwwwwwww

And the party:

"Beth, the place looks great." We air kissed. "Can we help with anything?"

LOL! Airkissed!!

OMG, her family were there what a scary surprise!

I reached out automatically, and he stepped back. I'd forgotten how much he hated to be touched.

how sad!

Damn him. Stupid awkward parental interactions! I know them well!

To her credit, Alicia was kind to Willow. "It's good to see you," she said. "I assume that at tonight's gathering you'll be joining me and Tara in the dark side. The dark side includes but is not limited to left-wing voters, homosexuals, alcohol imbibers, sexually-active people..." she trailed off. "Actually, that's all it includes at the moment. But welcome."

LMAO! That’s funny as heck!!

”There are no similarities between the two of you," she said decidedly.

I like that!

My gaze flickered to my father. He was eating peanuts out of a plastic cup. He nodded when he noticed me looking at him.

I don’t know what it is but I really adored that line.

Beth narrowed her eyes at me. "You don't care the slightest bitty bit about your family, do you? Your dad's been worried sick about you every day since you've been gone."

ohhh, cruel use of that quote!

Ugh, the end of that convo. It was intense! She hasn’t done anything wrong. Beth is a messed up cow!

Well, I have come to the end of my journey thus far and I must say that I have really enjoyed it! Your fic is wonderful, babe, and I encourage all to read it and tell you so themselves!

I love this fic and I love you tons, chicky

Rachy

[binky]

Ooo, someone needs to bitca-slap Beth, like, right now. I always disliked her character from her ten minutes of screen time in Family—something about someone who finds comfort in the misery of others doesn't prompt sympathy.

I’m really liking how you’ve made Tara and Willow layered as characters so far. Their flaws make them much more interesting than the typical heroic victims they’re often boiled down to in the canon setting. When they're fighting evil with a slayer on a Hellmouth, it's easy to overlook that Tara can be too accommodating, or Willow can be pretty selfish. You've made them very human in this contemporary setting. They can be a little irritating as characters, but all the more credible as a result. Very nice.

LFTM (my new acronym for Looking Forward To More),
binky

[AlysonGoddess]

Oh my god i cant believe i forgot to read the updates!!! i know i replied on the first update but then i just forgot to read it i guess..

Willow shrugs. “Seriously, Tare, what if it’s not going to work? It’s possible that my vagina just doesn’t accept sperm. Maybe in my constitution there’s some blatant rule. There is to be no semen allowed inside the premises; all semen, please stay outside the gate. Sorry for any inconvenience.”

Hahahaha that was halarious.... I know its from like the second chapter but i just had to point that out

Neways great update please continue but i gtg cuz HOW I MET UR MOTHER IS ON!!!

Peace Out
ERIN

[Artemis]

Well, Beth is... infuriating, is the word that comes to mind. That whole bit about Tara being inconsiderate for having a life, and not staying at home taking care of the men in the family - what do Maclay men do when confronted with housework? Stand there looking confused? "I know a house goes from 'mess' to 'clean' somehow, but how?"

I liked how you wrote Tara's father - nothing specific, just a tense feeling whenever he was around. I can easily imagine how being around him would wear on Tara, even if nothing was actually happening, just the uncomfortableness slowly building.

[justin]

I just read this story today and I have to say I love what you've written so far.

It's quite a change to see Willow and Tara having a child through artificial insemination since I'd grown so used to them using magic (So much so that when I found out that my boss and her partner were having a child my first thought was to wonder what spell they had used ).

The birthday party was nasty, thanks to that jerk of a relative. I liked Aunt Sam though. As Irene said, I want to be like her when I grow up Though the thing about her having heart problems was worrying, even if she tried to downplay it.

When Sheila seemed so annoyed at first hearing about Willow's pregnancy I was a little worried, but then she seemed genuinely happy, which was a relief

The addition of Lisa is an interesting one, hopefully they'll be able to help her.

I'm liking the flashback. It seems it took a while for them to get together but I suppose that the path to true love is never an easy one.

The flashbacks do raise some questions like why did Tara give up her singing career and what happned to Alica in the time since then?

[vix84]

Feedback

Urnie: *cherishes you* Friends are a wonderful thing! So you liked the fight - I'll have to remember to include some more fights including scratches, nails and yelling. Thanks for offering to post feedback 50 times. I'll let you know if it's necessary. The beach will involve hot, Christmas style mulled wine and a threesome. Duh.

Tonto: Drunken NYE celebrations are most definitely the best kind. Best for embarrassing moments and confessions of love that will be later regretted. Or will they...?

YMKA: MARINA! *forgives you* I promise there will be some coming soon. Ish. Thanks for reading and letting me know what you like. Hopefully you continue to enjoy. Speak to you soon!

watson: I won't stop, but thanks for the sweet offer to leave lots of fb! Sorry to draw out their getting together... I know I'm taking time with it and it's actually kind of fun. Perhaps some Neverland-like sex dreams wouldn't go astray. About the i-banker, okay - he was either a really odd i-banker who was down to earth enough to use public transport, or just an insane guy pretending to be an i-banker. But if he was the former, he sure knew a lot of information about that crap. *shrugs*

Artemis: No worries about your lateness. Hey, I'm curious - I noticed you're from Sydney and wondered which part, since I live there, too. Not in a stalker specific location way, but general area. I live in Bondi. (Too much info on the internet? Ah well).

Anyway, about the update. Sorry about the angst. I agree that Willow looking for affection (nice euphemism, btw) elsewhere was definitely about her not being ready for a proper relationship or wanting to burden Tara. Now they just have to learn how to look for what they need in each other, because it's there. Thanks. Ooh, and I laughed appreciatively at your image of the Maclay men stand around looking confused at housework. So true!

Tara22: Thanks for the long, wonderful purely ChelRa feedback. So long and sincere and filled with pasted blobs. Looking at what you choose to paste (ie. 95% of the update) with your reactions feels like reading it along with you, over your shoulder. Quite fun. *grabs you* Thanks for reading and leaving mod-annoyingly long feedback.

binky: Thanks for your words! I'm glad to hear that you think W/T in my fic are multi-layered and complex (well, vaguely) as characters. I appreciate you leaving feedback and I must congratulate you on your useful acronym.

AlysonGoddess: Nice to see you back here! I hope you continue to find it funny and enjoy reading.

Justin: Very cool to see a new person, and you at that, in my thread. Lmao at you wondering which spell your boss used to get pregnant! Too bad those spells aren't possible because I have to say, it'd be a lot cheaper and sexier than a turkey baster and test tube. I plan to answer the questions you have about the flashback quite soon. Thanks again for reading!

[vix84]

Update

“She’s moving in with you?” Sheila worked hard at controlling the shock that was bound to show on her face. She doubted it was working; Willow, from the age of thirteen, had known exactly what she was thinking.

"Yes, Mom." Willow wiped hair away from her face and shrugged. "She needed a place and we can provide one at the moment."

"I guess I’m surprised that you and Tara think it’s reasonable to bring this girl into your house while you're 21 weeks pregnant." Sheila felt her words transform from the curious questions she had intended into accusation. A tension thickened between them in the kitchen.

Willow reached for her glass of iced tea. "We talked it over and decided that at the moment it will work just fine. If anything, having Lisa around will be useful. I’m getting a personal assistant for free," she joked.

Sheila tried to smile, as Willow held the chilled glass against her face and gave a loud, appreciative sigh. She realized that she had no idea how to go about persuading Willow to change her mind. If she said one wrong word, she knew Willow would stop listening. "Honey,” she began, “if you have any doubts about having this girl stay, don't be afraid to tell me or Tara. I'm sure Tara will understand and she'll find somewhere else for her friend to stay. I bet she's got lots of contacts for refuge centers in her line of work."

Obviously, that had been the wrong thing to say. Willow fixed her wide eyes on Sheila. "Could you make it sound more dramatic?”

“Well, yes. I could have said that Lisa might turn out to be a sociopath and kill the three of you in your sleep.” Sheila saw Willow relax and felt better. “Maybe I’ve been watching too many cop shows.”

“In that case, maybe Tara should consider getting a weapon for the house. You know, with all those great contacts she has.” Willow stuck her tongue out and Sheila chuckled.

“So, Willow,” Sheila said, not wanting to risk losing the improved mood but determined to ask, “I just need to know that if things don’t work out, you will…” She trailed off, unsure of what verb to use without offending Willow.

“If I start to have the nigglin' doubts one night, Tara will evict Lisa quicker than she would a house spider. Look, there’s nothing to worry about, Mom. Tara is very protective. If Lisa even over-cooked my dinner, she’d be out on the street. Promise."

Sheila nodded at Willow’s confident smile. Her daughter seemed so sure. “Okay, I’ll hold you to that. So what’s Lisa like, anyway?

“Typical teenage girl. No obvious traits of insanity or personality disorder. She likes rock music, tie-dyed soda and copious amounts of television.”

“Tie-dyed soda?” Sheila wrinkled her nose. “Sounds nutritious.”

“Tara invented it,” Willow said proudly. “It’s soda water and food coloring. 100% sugar free. She’s helping Lisa limit her sugar addiction.”

"Oh dear. She hasn’t moved in yet and the word addiction has already come up,” Sheila said. Willow giggled.

“You're in an awfully good mood," Sheila observed, giving Willow a quick motherly physical. She noticed that her daughter was practically gleaming with health. Her hair was wound up in a knot, with strands tucked behind each ear, and her clothing was new and flattering. She looked older and responsible, and Sheila felt a rush of pride. "I like your skirt," she said. The words failed to express anything even close to what she meant, but Willow looked pleased all the same.

"Thanks. I've been shopping in the trendy young mom stores." Willow lifted the edge of her skirt and held up the label for Sheila to see. "I get all these looks in the street," she said, smoothing her skirt back over her legs. "Some people smile, but some look at me like they're disgusted. Do you think I dress too scantily for a big mama?"

"Don't worry about them," Sheila replied, touching Willow's arm. "My friend Lauren's daughter, Shoshi, went swimming in a two-piece swimsuit last year when she was pregnant."

"There is actually a name for those. People these days call them bikinis," Willow pointed out.

"Whatever. Oh, god. Her mother-in-law wouldn't speak to her for a
week."

"Why?"

"She told her that God hid the baby in her stomach for a reason, and that if He wanted the world to see it He would have configured the human body differently." Sheila laughed at her daughter's incredulous look.

Willow leaned back in her chair so that her head rested against the wall. "I haven't been swimming," she said. "I think of the baby having its cozy cave dipped into cold, salt water and feel too guilty."

Sheila laughed. "It lives in salty fluid, Willow," she said. "And it's not like the water can get through your naval."

Willow shuddered, holding her stomach protectively. "I can't do it."

"Are you going to go without showering from now on? What if some of that water gets in, too?" Sheila teased, enjoying the worried look that spread across Willow's face.

"Showers are hygienic," Willow protested. "And hygiene is good when
babies are involved."

Ira walked in and sat at the table. “What are we discussing?”

Sheila noticed that Willow stiffened and looked over at her. She waited a moment in case Willow wanted to reply.

“Not much,” Sheila said, after Willow remained quiet. “The conversation topics have ranged from bikinis to amniotic fluid.”

Willow smiled, and Sheila felt a warmth spread through her. “She’s not making that up, Dad,” Willow added.

Sheila glanced at her daughter, wondering if she was waiting for her to give Ira the news. Willow nodded.

Reluctantly, she turned to face her husband. “Willow and Tara have some news. They’re going to have a girl stay with them for a few weeks.”

"What's this?" Ira asked.

Willow took a sip of tea. "I was telling Mom that a teenage girl we know is having some family problems. Tara and I have offered her our spare room for the next few weeks while she sorts things out."

"I don't like the sound of the family problems, Will,” Ira said. Sheila saw that he was looking directly at her, wanting to know her opinion. She didn’t know what her opinion was, honestly.

"What do you think is going to happen? That the baby might see Lisa as a role model and start partying and wearing eye makeup - inside my womb?" Willow’s joking tone seemed forced.

"Willow," Sheila said, after Ira continued to stare at her, "I think he means that it might be an inappropriate time for a guest. What, is this girl going to massage your feet when they're sore and wash the carpet if you experience incontinence in your ninth month?"

"Too much information, Mom." Willow said. "Don't worry about it. She might not even be staying with us for long. Her mother moved out and she's not very comfortable staying at home with her father at the moment."

"Why?" Ira folded his arms. "You'd stay with me, wouldn't you? What's wrong with him?"

Sheila kicked her husband under the table. Willow hadn’t given much detail but there were obvious possibilities for why Lisa might not want to stay at home. It annoyed Sheila that her husband couldn’t pick up on these without asking. "You know," she murmured. She put her hand on her forehead, wishing they had never mentioned the situation. Willow's impatience showed and her smile had melted away.

"No, I don't know," Ira replied, sounding agitated. "What kind of person are we talking about here, Willow?"

"He's just not the nicest parent," Willow said, a frown beginning to form. "Can we let it go? I need to get home soon."

“It seems funny to me,” Ira said.

“Mom?” Willow turned her attention onto Sheila.

"Yes, you go home and relax," Sheila answered. "I'll call you tomorrow."

"I just worry about you, sometimes," Ira said. “You know that.” He reached for Willow's hand.

Willow touched his hand and stood up. "I know you do.”

“See you later, honey.” Sheila followed Willow to the front door and examined her face as they said goodbye. She couldn’t help thinking that Willow looked younger, smaller, than she had moments earlier.

After Willow left, Sheila returned to the table. Ira poured her another glass of tea and they sat in silence. Sunlight trickled along the walls of the kitchen.

"Was it Tara's idea?" he asked.

Sheila nodded, but felt guilty. "I'm sure she feels she has to do something for the girl; you know that she had a hard time at home, too." She watched her husband struggle with the information.

"I hope Willow knows what she's doing. Her baby is going to have enough trouble with... with same-sex parents. They don't need to add insult to injury by letting troubled people into their lives." Ira said, with a frown that matched Willow's.

"She's a smart girl," Sheila said, getting out of her chair. "It'll be fine." She switched on the radio and a mournful song put an end to their discussion. She couldn’t help thinking, though, once Ira left the room, that while Willow was a smart girl, Tara made her lose all rational thought.

[AlysonGoddess]

Yay! great update!!! Dont have much to say.. my mind is kinda dead this morning. But thanks for the update and please update soon!!

xx Peace Out xx

ERIN

[justin]

That was a great update.

I can understand Sheila being worried, I think any parent would be at the prospect that someone they don't know was moving in with their daughter and unborn grand daughter, especially if their daughter doesn't know really know the person.

However I did get the impression from what she was saying, and even more so from what Ira said, that they thought that coming from a troubled family somehow reflected in a bad way on Lisa.

I got a bit impatient with Ira being so slow. Part of me was wishing Willow would just come out and say, "she can't live with her father because he likes to slap her about."

"I hope Willow knows what she's doing. Her baby is going to have enough trouble with... with same-sex parents. They don't need to add insult to injury by letting troubled people into their lives."

Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

whatever, I guess Ira isn't a bad person, just an ignorant one.

I'm enjoying this story and looking forward to more