Remember to Breathe...

[Yellow Crayon]

Disclaimers- These characters arent mine, but I feel like playing around

Feedback- Of course!

Spoilers- AU, so none really

rating: pg-13ish

AN- There is no supernatural in this fic. I tried to work it in here, but it doesn’t fit. So Sunnydale is safe and sound.





Let me know if I should keep going.



Summary: This is early senior year. Oz and Willow are together. But I do promise definate Willow/Tara action going on soon.



**Okay, this is partially a song-fic. But its mostly regular fic. The way it goes is that somewhere, randomly there’s a song quote. They’re basically quotes that I like, and remind me of things in the situations in the W/T and partial W/Oz relationship. Don’t worry though. Oz isnt here for too long. Tara will be here soon.**



All but one of the quotes are from a band called Dashboard Confessional. I can give you the names of the songs if you want to shoot me a message to my Inbox. J



Chapter 1





Willow sat in Geography on a late Thursday class. Oz wasn’t there because he was on the road for a long weekend with another band. The band’s name was Shy. Willow was just missing Oz. But she didn’t think anything of his trip, because she knew him and she trusted him. She knew that Oz had friends in the music business like himself, she respected that and loved him for that.



“This is incredbile,

Starving, insatiable,

Yes this is love for the first time…”



Willow started to look around the class and spotted Buffy, chewing on a pen and barely awake. The redhead looked at the blonde and smiled, she was glad they had became friends when Buffy transferred sophomore year, due to her parents divorce. One thing about Buffy caught her eye today. Willow looked at Buffy’s shoes, which were in fact Willow’s. They shared clothes all the time. As Willow's glance continued upward, bell ring. And Buffy shifted to look at her. Willow suddenly brought her eyes to meet Buffy’s.



”Whatcha looking at?” Buffy asked as she looked down at her chest. “Do I have something on my shirt?”



“Oh. No, Buffy.” Willow said smiling. Phew. “I think I’m going to go to the library and get some books from there, because that’s where the books live, in the library they do. “



”Okay. Pick me up a good one to read during Study Hall.”



“Sure thing.” Willow said rushing off towards the bathroom to make a quick stop before heading to see Mr. Giles.





Chapter 2



Four months later

About a week before graduation…





Willow was sitting in class. Over the past four months she had realized a lot of stuff about herself. She was gay. She hadn’t want to come out to anyone, but she knew she would soon. She decided she would tell Oz before graduation. She had to. She would break up with him, and give him an honest answer. She just had to figure out how she would say it. As the bell rang, Willow stood with the rest of class. Just as she started to take a step forward she felt a hand on her shoulder. She turned to see who it was. It was Devon. That was the last person she’d expect to see behind her.



“Willow. Hi. Can I talk to you. For a sec.?” Devon asked her, tension and nervousness in his voice.



The redhead felt bad for him. She nodded and sat down into her chair. “Whats up?”



“I have to tell you something. About Oz.”



“Oh.” Willow said shocked. Nervousness and a rush of anxiety ran through her. “What is it?”



“Okay. Remember about four months ago. When we went on the road for a weekend?”



Willow just nodded, she didn’t trust her voice at this point. She was scared.



“Well, when we were there. Oz… he, um… he slept… with the lead singer of the other band with us.”



“What?” Willow said, as she felt tears sting her eyes.



“Oz cheated on you.” He said simply. “And I’m sorry for being the one to tell you, I know you and I aren’t the closest of friends, but I thought he would tell you. He didn’t. I just thought you should know.” Devon stated in the most sincere voice that Willow had ever heard him use.



“Thanks for waiting this long to show yourself,

Because now that I can see you,

I don’t think you’re worth a second glance…”



“Thanks Devon. It um.. thank you.” Willow said, closing her eyes and letting those excess tears fall slowly down her cheeks, as her nose crumpled up and her eyebrows stiffened as she tried to hold back the rest of the unshed tears. She stood, took a deep breath and went off to find Buffy.







_______________________________



TBC



Feedback? anybody?









Edited because I am a dumby...

Edited by: maudmac  at: 11/28/03 1:59 am

[kindagay]

Very good start.



Almost made me all nostalgic. Many a time did I survive lessons by secretly checking out my best friend, so I could definitely relate to Willow on that one. As I'm sure many others can.



Oh, & I think the use of song lyrics really helps the story. Very nice idea.



Keep up the good work



Hugs

Jeanne

----------



Posh flowers make me feel groovy - My niece



I am perfectly normal in my abnormalities

[Tempest Duer]

Boy, do I remember stuff like that... the joy of high school. *sigh*

I believe in the madness called "now."

[AxMan936]

Great start!

and yes plz continue!



-Chris

------------------

"True knowledge is knowing that you know nothing" - I Forgot

[sam darls]

I absolutely loved the start to this, it sounds so good. Can't wait for more. Love sammi xx

[JulesP600]

Excellent

The only way to have a friend is to be one

[willowsgirl]

Hey, wow I really like this fic so far! I really respect Devon for telling Willow, but she needed to know. My first thought was 'well, will was gonna break up with oz anyway', but then I thought about it, and to have someone cheat on you, even if you didnt want to be with them anymore, must be the worst feeling imaginable. Poor Willow!

I loved your use of the dashboard confessional lyrics, I saw them live about 2 years ago, they were amazing. The lyrics you chose fit the story perfectly.

More soon?



willowsgirl/stacey xx

[Yellow Crayon]

Thank you so much Kindagay, Tempest Duer, Axman936, sam darls, JulesP600, and willowsgirl for all of your replies and kind words...



It encourages me to write some more later today.



I had to edit the story, but I think it makes more sense this way. (Thanks to Maudmac.) Or it will in the long run.







Next chapters: Willow talks to Oz...



That sounded very ominous didn't it?

[Ginner WTluv]

Hey Yellow



Excellent start. The bit with Willow subtely checking out Buffy in the classroom made me giggle. Can't wait to read the next part and see how "The Talk" goes.



~ Jen

Helen - Oh please Nikki, be serious!

Nikki - I want to make love you to all night long... is that serious enough?

**Helen and Nikki in "Bad Girls"**

[Yellow Crayon]

Fic: Remember to Breathe

By: Yellow Crayon

Disclaimers: These aren’t mine. Joss’.

Rating: Maybe PGish for now

Note: The clothes fluke didn’t happen. Just to state that simply.

Summary: The confrtontation



Thanks to everyone who read and replied.



Chapter 3



        Willow rushed towards the gym, knowing that’s where Buffy would be. She always sneaked out of her Study Hall to work out. Willow was heading down the halls, which were vacant except for one girl that was sitting in the studen lounge. The girl had blonde hair and so pretty. Willow kept her eyes straight ahead, fear the girl would see her blotchy eyes. But it was too late. The girl had noticed her. Willow then recognized the girl as Tara, she was in her art class.



”Hey. Willow right?”



Willow crossed her arms and attempted to look away. She just nodded.



“Tara.” She said, stating her name. “Are you alright?” She asked worriedly.



“Yeah. Fine.” Willow said as she started to take a few steps away from the blonde.



“Oh yes. Because you’re good mood is both obvious and contagious.”



Willow just had to smile. As did the blonde.



“And color the coast with your smile

It’s the most genuine thing,

I’ve ever seen.

I was so lost, but now I believe.”



“I really do have to get going.” Willow said, as she realized that this wasn’t helping, but in a weird way, it was.



“Okay. Well hold on, I’ll walk you where you need to go.” Tara said, turning to get her books, almost sprinting up the four steps.



“Thanks.” Willow said to her as Tara was back at her side.



They walked in silence, but Willow knew Tara’s presence was somehow calming her.



“This is my stop.” Willow said turning to Tara.



“Oh, well um…” She began.



“Remember she asked you

Remember to breathe…”



Tara took in a deep breath and handed Wilow a piece of paper. “Its got my phone number on it, in case you needed to talk, or anything”



“Thank you.” Willlow said, shoting her a breif smile and then turning into the gym to find Buffy.



Willow walked around the gymnasium a good three times before realizing Buffy was probably in the weight room. Sure enough, she was.



“Buffy.” Willow said quietly, standing in doorway.



“What’s wrong, Will.” She said standing from her machine and rushing towards her best friend.



“I can’t feel anything Buffy. I’m so sad.”



“I’m waiting for blood,

To flow to my fingers,

I’ll be alright when my hands get warm…”

“What happened?”



“Oz cheated on me. Like four months ago.”



Buffy winced at the sound of the words, not wanting to believe them.



“God, Will. I’m sorry.”



Buffy wrapped Willow into a huge hug, while she cried. Buffy could feel the redhead’s body shaking in her grasp. After a few minutes, Willow crumpled to the floor in a heap. They landed on a pile of mats.



As Willow’s tears subsided she decided that now would be a good time to come out to Buffy.



“Hey Buff. One more thing.”



“Yeah?”



“I’m gay.”



“Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.”



Willow just smiled at Buffy, as she smiled back. “I think I’m going to go talk to Oz.”



“Intervention?”



“Break up.” Willow said sighing. “Don’t tell anyone, just yet. Okay Buffy?”



“No problem.”



Willow left the weight room in search of Oz. But her hand kept drifting to her pocket to feel the piece of paper given to her by a gorgeous blonde.





Chapter 4



        Willow had long since given up her search for Oz. She was headed towards seventh period computer science. Which was taught by Jenny Calender, Wullow considered her an idol. Willow had almost reached the door when she felt a cold, small hand on her shoulder.

Oz kissed her. But she pulled away. She didn’t want him to touch her.



“So kiss me hard, because this will be the last time that I let you.”



“Oz don’t.” She said coldly. He looked at her with pain in his eyes, but she didn’t care, her pain was worse, no matter what he said. “We’re done. This, us.We’re through. I heard about your trip, and that girl.”



“I heard about your trip

I heard about your souvenirs.”



“So don’t try to deny it. We’re done. I don’t know why you didn’t tell me. Or why you did it, but we’re done.” And with that Willow walked into her classroom, but not before noticing Tara, on the other side of the hall, staring. Willow gave her the briefest smile and entered the room.



Oz stood there in shock. And in partial relief. He didn’t want to tell her. But at the same time, he didn’t want them to be done. He walked into the courtyard where he and Willow shared their first kiss.



"And the plaster dented from your fist

In the hall where you had your first kiss

Reminds you that the memories will fade.”





        Willow was oddly happy having just broke up with her boyfriend. The day was done, and so was her relationship with Oz. She got home, and went up to her room. She closed the door and began to write in her journal.

The first word that she wrote was, Tara.

That was also the last word, because she reached towards the phone before she had time to write anymore. She pulled the number out of her pocket and dialed Tara’s number.



“Hi, is Tara there?” She asked as the other line picked up.



“Speaking.”



“Hi Tara. This is Willow.”



Tara’s stomach fluttered at the name. “Hi. What’s up?”



“I was wondering if you wanted to grab some coffee. Or something?”



“I’d love to.” Came the answer.



“Do you want to meet at the Espresso pump. Like now?”



“Sure.”



They hung up. And both rushed out of their houses as soon as they could stand.

[maudmac]

This is great, Yellow Crayon.



Poor Willow, what an emotional roller coaster she's been on. But it was all worth it, to get her to this point.



And Buffy was hilarious being so casual about Willow coming out to her. "Okay. Xander owes me ten bucks."

---

i got a dance ain't got no steps  /  i'm gonna let the music move me around

[Tempest Duer]

I love Buffy's response to Willow... "Xander owes me ten bucks." That was priceless! I think I'm gonna make that my new signature!

I believe in the madness called "now."

[AxMan936]

i agree, "Xander owes me ten bucks." was halarious

this fic jsut gets better and better



-Chris

------------------

"True knowledge is knowing that you know nothing" - I Forgot

[sam darls]

Aww..I loved this part so much, so lovely and just great. Love sammi xx

[allykat]

This was great!!

Quote:

---

“Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.”

---

I'm loving this!

[bluewillowwitch]

Yellow Crayon ,

I love this fic! I can't believe I missed it til now. Stupid me. I must have MORE! was going to dump Oz cause she was gay then he cheats on her and she has even more reason. The shows up and they are going for coffee. You are with that cliffhanger! Can't wait to more. Update soon, please?





Grace

----------------------------------------

"Fate keeps on happening."--Anita Loos

[JulesP600]

Love it.



I have to agree Buffy's response was wonderful...I can just hear it happening!

The only way to have a friend is to be one

[TaraBaby77]

Beautiful, simply beautiful. Even though, I think Oz is on my @#$% list right now for cheating on Willow, I like what I have read. Also, it's easy to read and follow. So??? Come on know, what happens when they get to the Expresso Pump??? Keep the updates comin'... =) Great work!!!



Aaron

'TaraBaby77'

[Yellow Crayon]

Hey everyone! Thank you so much for reading!



Lots of thanks to, maudmac, Tempest Duer, AxMan936, sam darls, allykat, bluewillowwitch, JulesP600, and TaraBaby77, for replying!



love to all of you and anyone who read.





Expect an update incredably soon!





-Yellow Crayon

[Yellow Crayon]

~*~**~*~**~*~*



Same disclaimers as previous. And thank you to everyone who read and replied!



All of these are Dashboard Confessional quotes but one.



I love all of you kittens.



Chapter 5



Willow was at the Espresso Pump no more than ten minutes after she and Tara hung up the phone. She took a brief detour to throw away almost everything that reminded her of Oz. So that when she got home, she could be happy she was just with Tara. Not sad that she had just broken up with Oz.



“So you buried all your lover’s clothes

And burned the letters lover wrote

But it doesn’t make it any better,

Does it make it any better?”



Willow entered the Espresso Pump and looked around. At first she was disappointed because she couldn’t see Tara, she then looked harder. There she was. Willow’s breath hitched.



“Hey.” Tara said, standing to meet Willow half way.



“Hey!” She replied.



“How are you doing?” Tara asked Willow as they sat down.



“Before we get into great detail about my mood, why don’t I buy you a coffee?”



“Mocha maybe?” Tara said smiling.



“Of course.” Willow said smiling. “I’ll be right back.”



Tara’s eyes followed Willow to the counter, they never left the redhead. Willow looked back at her at one point and and gave her a small wave.



As Willow reapproached the table she handed Tara her mocha.



“Thank you.”



“Welcome.”



“So, your mood.” Tara said before taking a sip of her mocha.



“Yeah. That mood just got a whole lot better.”



Tara just smiled. “But before it got better?”



“It was bad. I got home and there were like six messages on my machine from Oz. I didn’t pick up the seventh and eighth times.”



“Ignoring the phone,

I’d rather say nothing,

I’d rather you never heard my voice.”



“That’s understandable.”



“Don’t tell to anyone though, Okay? I had planned on breaking up with him today anyway.”



Tara had a little spazm and started choking on her mocha. “Why?” She asked quietly, as she looked deeply into Willow’s eyes.



“Well.. I gues you could say that I discovered things about myself recently that I needed to make a choice to follow my heart or lead a lie.” She said, then she leaned a little closer to Tara and said, “I’m a pretty bad liar.”



Tara smiled at her. “I had that problem last year.”



“Yeah?”



“Uh-huh.”



“Hey! I like your shirt.” Willow said, trying to shift the conversation a tad.



“Thanks.” Tara said looking down at her blue shirt.



“It really brings out your eyes.”



“Your eyes are the best blue I could even hope to look for in the shades of the sky.”



“Thank you.” Tara said, developing a bit of a blush.



Tara and Willow spent almost three hours talking. They talked about everything and anything. The conversation never died, but even if it did, they both knew they would stay content.



“So, I will see you, tomorrow.” Willow said as she started to walk Tara out of the Espresso Pump.



“Most definatly.” Tara said smiling. “I should probably go though. Its getting dark.”



“Did you walk?” Willow asked her, shocked.



“Yeah. My parents had the car tonight.”



“Do you want a ride?” She asked her.



”I would love one.” Tara said shooting Willow an amazing smile.



“Over here.” Willow said putting her hand on the small of Tara’s back so she could lead her in the right direction.



~**~*~*~*~*~



“This one, over here on the left.” Tara told her.



“This one?”



“Yep. Thank you so much.”



“Anytime.” Willow said, crinkling her brow. She got out of her seat and walked around the car to open the door for Tara.



“Thank you.”



Willow walked Tara up her front steps until they reached the door and they both stopped and turned towards eachother.



“Goodnight Tara. I had a truly amazing time.” Willow said sincerely.



“So Did I. That should definatly happen again.”



“I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Willow said as she leaned forward to Tara with her arms spread open, falling into a hug. They both closed their eyes at the contact.



That felt so right.



“I know that you hope for

Longer goodbyes,

Embracing for forever

And falling in your eyes.”



They pulled back from the hug and Willow headed back down the steps.



“Willow.”



She turned and looked back at Tara. “Yes?”



“Thank you.” She said right before she stepped into her house.



Willow smiled and headed back to her car.



~*~**~**~*~*



“I’m home!” The redheda yelled as she took her key from the door.



No one answered. Willow made it up into her room without a single communication with her parents.



She looked around her room, all the pictures were turned over. Just so she wouldn’t have to look at Oz’s picture anymore.



“And the picture frames are facing down

And the ringing from this empty sound

Is deafening and keeping you from sleep.”



Willow layed down on top of her sheets and fully clothed. She put her hands over her eyes to picture the beautiful blonde in her head.



She looked over to left as she saw a blinking through her fingers. There was one message on her machine.



“Hi Willow. Its Oz. I know that you don’t want to hear from me. But you left a book in my van. I’ll leave it in your locker tomorrow morning. Goodbye Willow.”



Beep. The message had ended and Willow had already forgotten his words.



~**~*~*~*~*~*~*





The quote

“Your eyes are the best blue I could even hope to look for in the shades of the sky.”



Wasn't written by Dashboard, I said that one time to a girl I had a crush on.

But all i got was a laugh... ...



But hey, maybe you guy'll appreciate it.



Feedback?



Thanks again everyone!

[The Rose24]

Beautiful. Truly beautiful.

Tara: My heart doesn't stutter.


Tara: Willow, I got so lost.

Willow: I found you. I will always find you.

[sam darls]

Aww..that was so beautiful Love sammi xx

[maudmac]

They're so sweet, all blushy and shy around each other. All tingly and nervous. I can almost feel their butterflies.

---

i got a dance ain't got no steps  /  i'm gonna let the music move me around

[TaraBaby77]

That is pretty much all I was doing, the whole time I read your story. It's so beautiful and warm. I love the development of Willow and Tara. Great work, keep those updates comin'. =)



Aaron

'TaraBaby77'

[JulesP600]

It is lovely. It really is sweet the way they are all shy around each other, I totally agree with that

The only way to have a friend is to be one

[AxMan936]

omg, that's so sweet!

they're all nervous and shy with each other

this update was great!



-Chris

------------------

"True knowledge is knowing that you know nothing" - I Forgot

[Yellow Crayon]

~**~*~*~*~*~*~*



Same disclaimers as always.



These are all Dashboard Confessional quotes.



Thank you all sooooo much for all your encouraging replies.



Chapter 6



Willow awoke to the screeching of her alarm. She didn’t want to get up, but she realized that today at school she could see Tara. She sprinted to stand, the only thing she received was a huge headrush.



“Whoa…” She said as she put her hand up to her head.



She looked down and noticed that she was still in the clothes she fell asleep in last night. She realized she should get dressed fast, because she still had some homework to finish. Who woulda-thunk-it. Willow Rosenberg not finishing her homework.



~*~*~*~*~*



Willow got to school a good half hour before classes started. She went straight to her locker she opened it after her third try. Her head was somewhere else. Tara. She pulled the metal bar up and her locker opened. The first thing she saw was a book. The book she assumed Oz had mentioned on her machine. Willow picked it up and opened it to the first page to make sure it was hers. As she opened it she saw the words ‘I’m sorry.’ Written inside.



“But I’ve hidden a note,

Its pressed between pages

That you’ve marked to find you way back

It says, Does he ever get the girl?”



“That son of a gun.” Willow mumbled to herself.



“Whos a son of a gun?” Tara said curiously as she came up to the left side of Willow.



“No one.” The redhead said as she threw the book into her locker. Clanging insued. “What’s new?”



“Same old. I have to get to class early, I have to make up a test. I just wanted to thank you. For last night.”



“You don’t have to keep thanking me. It was my pleasure.” She smiled.



Tara blushed. “Hey. What period do you have lunch?”



“Fifth. You?”



“Seventh.” Tara sighed.



“I have study hall seventh. Hey! They’re pretty easy going. So I can leave the classroom and come see you. I-If you want.”



“Yeah! That’d be great. We sit in the far left.”



“Great. So, where are you going. I can walk you.”



“Great.” Tara smiled at her.



~*~*~*~*~*



It was sixth period. There was only six minutes left in the class. Five. Willow was getting very antsy. Come on, gotta go see a girl!



The class was over and Willow ran straight for her locker. Books away. Go to study hall. Go see Tara.



She sat down in toom 223. She waited for the attendance to be taken then immediately asked to be excused. Here we go.



Willow spotted Tara immediately. She was at a table with four other girls. She had random classes with a few of them. She figured this would be easy.



Willow appraoched the table, “Hey Tara. I remembered that before first period you said I could come say hi. So I thought I’d come say hi. I said hey instead, but it all basically means the same thing. And I’m on the verge of running out of breath.”



“Hey.” Tara said to Willow. Holding back giggles.



The other girls weren’t so generous. They all broke out in a fit of laughter. Willow didn’t care. Her eyes never left Tara’s.



“So what if your friends think I’m crazy,

I wasn’t trying to impress those girls anyway.”



“You can sit down if you want.” Tara explaimed as she suddenly remembered that Willow was still standing up. She grabbed a chair from the table next to them.



“Thanks.” Willow sat, she was so close to Tara.



Before Willow knew it she and the girls we already in deep conversation. Talking about government issues and economic standpoints. Things she’s always wanted to talk about, but never found a person.



Tara sounded like she really knew what she was talking about. She had the best voice.



“But I believe in you so much

I could die from the words that you say.”



Willow’s hands were clasped in her lap. As she looked over at Tara’s she realized that hers were too. Its now or never.

Willow kept looking at the others across the table and kept talking when need be. But her hand was slowly but surely moving towards Tara’s.



Tara felt Willow’s hand gently glide across her knee. She wondered what she was doing but knew soon enough when Willow’s fingers were in between her’s. Tara didn’t ever want to let go.



“I’ll be true I’ll be useful,

I’ll be cavalier,

I’ll be yours my dear.

And I’ll belong to you.”



A few minutes after Willow’s hand reached Tara’s the bell rung. It was time to go to class. Willow still had to go back to her study hall, just to stop by and pick up her books.



“I gotta go.” The redhead looked at Tara with solemn eyes.



“Okay.” She said giving Willow’s hand a tight squeeze.



“Do you want to do something after school?”



“Yeah. I’d love to.”



“I have my parents’ car so, do you just wanna meet in the Library after school?”



“Okay.”



“Alright.” Willow said as she stood up next to Tara. Releasing her hand but pulling her in for a gentle hug. “I’ll see you later then.” Willow whispered in her ear.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*



TBC



Feedback?

[Tempest Duer]

Nice! And your own quote from the last update was very sweet... how cruel of her to laugh. Oh well, such is life, right?



...I can't get stupid EZBoard to spell your name right in my sig.

Willow: Hey Buff. One more thing. Buffy: Yeah? Willow: I’m gay. Buffy: Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.

~Remember to Breathe by Yellow Cray

[sam darls]

Aww..that was so wonderful..and so very sweet. Loved it. Love sammi xx

[allykat]

I really like it!! Great update!!