Okay, campers. All that panty throwing has finally paid off (and let me tell ya, my muse looks really great in the lace-trimmed, red ones).
Smoochies!Yes, finally, there are smoochies. And a cliffhanger. I know, I'm evil. But these next several chapters are relatively angst-free. I say "relatively" cuz of course there's still other things brewing... but our girls are about to come face-to-face with their true feelings for each other. So enjoy! And don't worry too much about the cliffhanger...
BTW, this update is pretty long because I've included a lot of snippets from earlier chapters in the
"Previously..." section. Kind of a "W/T Greatest Hits" sort of thing. I thought it might be helpful to remember how their relationship has progressed since the first day they met - provides a little context leading up to this update, but especially the next one (Part 12). Thus, I will be splitting this thing into two posts.
There's two sets of replies below... chronologically from after Part 9 and after Part 10.
Replies from Part 9
***Urn of Osiris - Make her tell? Yes, well... I will. Eventually. Right now Tara's got a few things to work out first. She realizes that the longer she waits, the harder it will be... and yet there's more than just fear of Willow's reaction stopping her from telling. She's following her gut.
***ExtraFlameyWT - Hey! Haven't seen you in a while. Welcome back!
***MissQuirky - Hehe. It's funny how Tara's like this super-cool, super-confident military chick, and yet gets insecure about the little things... like going on a pseudo-date.
***foreverpiper - Sorry it took so long.
***The Rose24 - Yes that would be difficult, wouldn't it? If Willow found out from someone else or by accident?
***slowontheuptake - Definitely the case of the blind leading the blind... or at least the blind leading the blonde.
***mollyig - Willowism.. I love that term.
***saule77 -
Quote:
Riley and Tara have more than just the Initiative in common... They're both lesbians!
*G*
***barnabasvamp - Closer? Closer you say? I think that can be arranged. But it'll cost ya... be creative.
***Macky77 - Yep, Maggie knows that the Scoobies know about Riley and the Initiative. There was the report that came from Riley to Maggie regarding the events of "Hush," and there was also the conversation Buffy had with Willow about how Riley had taken Buffy to meet Maggie and how Buffy got "initiated into the Initiative." It does get confusing, though, as to who exactly knows what and when. I know I'm confused.
***vix84 - Not too much angst? Um... uh... various sounds of hesitation... erm...
***Grimaldi - Well, in Anya's mind, it seemed logical that having a best friend would just be a decision she would get to make - regardless of what anyone else thought. I love Anya.
***Puff - Thank. You know, as much as Riley used to annoy me, I've found a good use for him in this story. He's going to become somewhat important, at least for a little while.
Replies from Part 10
***The Rose24 - Walsh, spying? Hmm...
***saule77 - Tara definitely had her poker face on. And that won't be the last time, either.
***Plastixs - Well, I think Tara's in a bad situation all around. There really is no right or wrong, because every option available to Tara has good and bad consequences. She's gotta follow her gut, even if it's wrong, and try to do what's more right.
***vix84 - Yes, the decision to protect Willow rather than tell her the truth will have obvious consequences... and some unexpected ones as well. Not all bad, though, never fear. I'm not giving y'all angst just because I can... everything has a purpose.
***mollyig - There's a heck of a lot of deception going on. Personally I've always been of the opinion that the lies we tell ourselves are often more damaging than the lies we tell others.
***barnabasvamp - Smoochies are here. And oh what smoochies they are!
***Tulipp - Loving me? Awe, shucks... BTW, hope you don't mind... I named a character after ya. Of course, the character has nothing to do with what I think of you, mind you. *G*
***Grimaldi - Thanks.
***Puff - They keep circling around the same thoughts and feelings, but don't realize the other is going through so much of what they are. Parallels everywhere. *G*
***Wolflord - You dirty thing! You mean you're not reading this for the plot? Geez... Well, I hate to break this to you, but this story was not born of a dream of smut like the last one. This one is very much plot driven. And romance driven. Thus, while there will be smut (like I could write a story without it!), it will be of a much more plot-driven nature. You'll have to wait until the sequel for the handcuffs.
***MissQuirky - I love this sneaky, secure, strong Tara. Not that Tara didn't always have those qualities, but I like that they're more out in the open.
***XWickedXWiccan - Belly dances? I think Wolflord has corrupted y'all's minds. *G*
***barnabasvamp - Expectations, huh? Expectations can be dangerous things.
-BB
Title: The Truth of Deception - Part 11: Wild and Crazy
Author: blameburner
Feedback: Sure… Always a plus
Summary: AU, baby! So you all know by now... Tara is part of the Initiative. Plenty of questions remain, however, and the answers will be revealed... eventually.
Spoiler Warning: S4. Everything up to "Hush" is canon. After that, this story veers off. There will be some similarities to S4, but definite differences. Basically, if it happened after "Hush" on the show, assume it
didn't happen unless I mention it specifically.
Disclaimer: Not my characters, but oh how I wish they were! Joss, blah, blah, ME, blah, blah.
Rating: Generally R, but some NC-17 (maybe). Just be prepared.
Pairings: W/T, of course.
Angst: Um... well, there's a teensy tiny bit of a cliffhanger... but there's also smoochies! So, I dunno... 5?
Previously...It was... miraculous.
She knew it seemed quite ridiculous to equate the moment with a religious experience, but it was true nonetheless.
Miraculous. Divine. Sacred.
And she didn't even know
her name.
It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Not this group of wanna-be's, with their bake sales and stereotypes... not this college... not Sunnydale... not the mysterious deaths or the puncture wounds or all the lies the people in this place told themselves about what really went on here. Not her... responsibilities.
No, none of it mattered in this blessed moment. Nothing, except
her.
What's her name?**************************
"Oh, yeah," Miss Woman Power Shrine interrupted, "then we could all get on our broomsticks and fly around on our broomsticks."
God, rude much? And come on, if you're gonna be insulting, at least be witty about it. Stupid little...Her internal venting session came to an abrupt end when her gaze fell upon a blonde woman sitting cross-legged on the floor across from her, and green eyes met blue. For an instant, her breath caught in her throat and a strange fluttering sensation filled her chest. And she had no idea why.
Willow looked away quickly, unable to comprehend why she had reacted in such a way to those piercing, blue eyes. It was almost as if...
"I-I think that..."
A voice cut through the din of negativity, pulling Willow's head around. Once more she found herself focused on the blonde, who was looking around nervously, and who was promptly being ignored by the rest of the group.
"W-Well, m-maybe we c-could..." the blonde tried again.
"Yeah? Tara? Guys, quiet. Do you have a suggestion?"
Tara. Willow rolled the blonde's name around in her head.
***************************
"Excuse me," Tara asked Miss Woman Power Shrine, her voice steady and sure.
Miss Woman Power Shrine seemed startled by Tara's new-found confidence. "Um, yes? Tara? What do you want?"
Tara ignored the girl's attempt at reasserting her superiority. "I was wondering... the girl that suggested that we take an interest in spells. Do you know her name?"
"Oh, her," Miss Woman Power Shrine said with a roll of her eyes. "Rosenberg. Willow Rosenberg."
*****************************
Willow felt them before they even touched her. She felt the energy, the power... the magic. Then she felt them, cool and long and... perfect. Tara's fingers slid gently underneath hers, slipping in between her digits, locking their hands together palm to palm. Her breath caught,
just like at the meeting.
Willow raised her eyes slowly, uncomprehendingly. A torrent of emotions, thoughts, feelings, and sensations ripped through her body. She had never felt anything like it. It was exquisite. Then green eyes met blue.
*******************************
"Wow! That's great! I mean, not in a -it's-great-that-there's-blood-sucking-fiends-running-around-Sunnydale kind of way, but in a hey-you-know-what-I-know-and-I-don't-have-to-worry-about-you way," Willow rambled.
"You would w-worry about me?" Tara asked, her heart skipping a little beat.
"Um, well, yeah?" Willow said uncertainly.
Way to go, Rosenberg. Let's freak out the pretty blonde completely. Wait a second. Pretty blonde? Where is this coming from? Willow began babbling in order to distract herself from her thoughts.
***************************
Willow raised her hand, took in a deep breath, and knocked.
The door opened quickly, and Willow's breath caught in her chest.
"H-hey, Willow," Tara said softly. Her head hung down slightly, her hair cascading down into a golden frame for her lovely face. She was smiling, peeking up at Willow shyly. It was the sweetest thing Willow had ever seen in her life.
"Hey," Willow smiled back. She felt almost giddy, and had to forcibly stop herself from bouncing up and down on the balls of her feet. She tried to tell herself it was just because she was looking forward to finally having someone to do spells with, but she knew better. It was Tara. It was most definitely all about Tara.
****************************
"It's just a spell, Tara. It doesn't matter," Willow said, slowly running small circles with her thumb over the back of Tara's hand. "We can try it again some other time. I'm perfectly happy just to sit here with you, laughing. Spending time..." Willow trailed off, realizing once again what a sudden, intense shift their time together had taken.
She started to let go of Tara's hand and pull her own hand back, but Tara stopped her, curling her fingers around Willow's. She squeezed lightly, catching Willow's eyes, offering some of the same reassurance Willow had just offered her. She could feel Willow's uneasiness, and for a second she thought that maybe Willow was fighting her feelings for the blonde. Then she thought better of it.
That's silly, Tara. That would mean she actually has feelings for you, which she doesn't. Not the way you want her to.Tara released Willow's hand and moved to withdraw her own. Yet this time it was Willow who would not let go, as the redhead reached out with her other hand and covered Tara's, effectively trapping it between both her own. Tara once again looked up into Willow's eyes. Willow met her gaze, and both women smiled.
*******************************
What she hadn't told Buffy was the connection she had felt with Tara, the connection that no matter how much she wanted to ignore it, went beyond mere magic. Yes, they were two witches who were incredibly powerful together. Yes, Willow did want to do spells with Tara, to see how far their power could take them. But that wasn't all Willow wanted, if she allowed herself to think that far.
Willow wanted to spend time with Tara. To get to know her. To hear her voice and see her smile. To look into her eyes and suddenly feel safe. Willow already knew so much about the blonde witch. She knew that Tara was gentle and kind and compassionate, intelligent and funny and courageous. She also knew that just being in the same room with Tara made her feel like everything in her life was... right.
She couldn't explain it, but the uneasiness that had plagued Willow all her life just fell away when Tara was near. The unworthiness, uncertainty, and uselessness that always haunted her simply disintegrated with just a look or a touch from the blonde. Tara made Willow feel better about being Willow. Tara made Willow feel special and needed and... loved.
**********************
"Oh, I see," Willow said. "You're making fun of me, aren't you?"
"Who, me?" Tara said with feigned innocence. "Never."
"Uh-huh," Willow said. "I'm not buying it. You know what that means..." she said with a devilish glint in her eyes.
"Willow..." Tara warned, but to no avail. Willow pounced, tickling Tara with all her might. She pinned the blonde between her knees, making Tara squirm as she ravaged her sides. After a good solid two minutes, Willow relented, moving back to sit on her haunches.
Tara seized the opportunity and flipped Willow onto her back, pinning her hands above her head. "Now we'll see who gets the last tickle!" she laughed.
Willow laughed too, but quickly stopped as she noticed the nearness of Tara's face to her own. Time seemed to stand still as the two girls stared into each other's eyes. Tara felt as though she were caught in Willow's gravitational orbit, unable to do anything but descend. Her head lowered slowly, and she wondered if she was imagining that Willow's head was rising towards hers. She paused for the briefest of seconds and licked her lips, imagining what Willow's were going to feel like against her own.
***************************
Willow sat down next to Tara, taking her hand. "I'm sorry, Tara," Willow said sincerely. "I never thought about it that way. It's not like I don't want my friends to know you. I just... it's like there's all this craziness, you know? In my life and in my head? And then... then there's you, and you're like this calm force. You make me feel... safe. And I guess... I guess I'm being all selfish girl, because I don't want to share that with anyone, you know?"
Willow squeezed Tara's hand. "I kinda like having something that's just... you know... mine?"
Tara placed her other hand over Willow's. "I am, you know," she said softly.
Willow looked directly into Tara's eyes. "What?"
"Yours," Tara answered softly.
Willow couldn't help the shiver that ran down her spine.
Mine, she thought.
**************************
"Tara?" Willow asked quietly in the dark. "Are you awake?"
"Yes," Tara said softly.
"Um... could I... I mean... uh..." Willow fumbled for words to express what she wanted, that wouldn't freak Tara out completely.
"What do you need, Willow?" Tara asked gently, turning her head towards Willow.
Willow relaxed at the soft tones of Tara's voice, and she gathered her courage. "Could we... cuddle?"
Tara had to forcibly keep herself from jumping off the bed and doing a Happy Dance. "Sure we can," Tara said.
"I mean, we don't-"
"Willow," Tara interrupted. "Come over here."
Willow grinned at Tara and scooted over. Tara opened her arms to Willow, and the redhead went easily, wrapped an arm around Tara's waist and settling her head on Tara's shoulder.
"Better?" Tara asked, trying to keep her body from physically reacting to the feel of Willow's soft curves flush against her own.
"Um..." Willow hesitated, and then thought,
What the hell... She slid her thigh up onto Tara's hip, and Tara had to stop herself from moaning. "Now better," Willow sighed happily.
*****************************
"Smell good," she muttered, rubbing her nose against Tara's neck. Tara almost leapt out of her skin when she felt the moist tip of Willow's tongue peak out and delicately lick once under her ear. "Taste better," Willow breathed.
"Uh... Wil?" Tara squeaked. She didn't know how much she could take before flipping the redhead on her back and taking her right then and there - something which Tara knew was certain to freak Willow out completely.
"Yeah, baby?" Willow muttered, placing several tiny kisses on Tara's neck. Tara craned her head around and, even though Willow grumbled in protest as the skin she had been kissing fell away from her lips, Tara realized Willow was still very much asleep. The blonde would have thought it was adorable if her body hadn't been about to revolt against her common sense and kiss the redhead senseless.
***************************
"Look at them," Tara said without shifting her gaze. Willow did as Tara asked, and both women watched Xander and Anya out on the dance floor. "They're just two people who, for whatever reason, found each other. They have a connection, even if it's one nobody else understands, and that connection makes them happy. Does it matter that you don't understand it? Does it even matter if they don't understand it themselves?"
"No, it really doesn't," Willow said quietly, turning her gaze back towards Tara, only to find the blonde looking back at her intently. Willow felt the conversation shift, and she wondered if they were still talking about Xander and Anya at all.
"Sometimes it just is what it is, Willow," Tara said, looking deeply into the redhead's eyes, sadness giving way to something far different. "You might not know how it happened, and you might not ever be able to explain why, but it's there all the same. You can't change it or fix it or make it go away because it's there, real and consuming and wonderfully, frighteningly demanding, and it makes
you feel alive... and the only choice you have is to either pretend it doesn't exist, or to embrace it."
****************************
All these weeks, Tara had made every excuse imaginable to distract herself from the truth. She had told herself that she wasn't good enough, that Willow was straight, that someone as wonderful as Willow could never want someone like Tara. She had told herself that it was impossible, that she had a job to do and that her duty did not allow for her to fall in love with Willow, or for Willow to fall in love with her. She had told herself that she had lied to Willow, and that because of that deception, they could never be together.
And yet... here she was, and here Willow was, and here they were. When she looked into Willow's eyes, there was only the truth between them. All this time, Tara had been deceiving Willow, but more importantly, Tara had been deceiving herself. For the truth of Tara's deception was that she had fallen in love with Willow. There was no greater truth than that.
"I feel like someone ran me down with a car, and then got out to give me a really great pair of shoes." - sassyeggsglobal
WOLFLORD 
at: 10/4/02 3:46:14 pm
Great update!! 
The rest of the Bronze part went well! I'm totally woohoo-ing 4 Tara, she's really workin the whole Walsh and intiative thing well! Loved the holding hands thing on the way back to the dorms, very sweet! 
I'm still laughing! All WOOHOO 4 Tara, he definitely deserved it and what better way to give it to him!! 
. But what a kiss it was, heh... seemed to take for-ev-er. 
, be creative 
at: 10/7/02 9:54:21 pm