Hi Kittens,
SORRY, SORRY, SORRY for the VERY LATE update. I'll explain later as I'm posting on the go. Sorry again.
Dix
PART 19
"How bad do you think it could be?"
"How bad?" Repeated the watcher. "Well, let's see. We have Spike, a chipped, but still very dangerous vampire with an obsession for my slayer, and Willow; a very powerful witch that has been touched by darkness and a depression so deep that she can't see right from wrong. The two of them have decided to team up, to do only heaven knows what and they're heading to Lord knows where… so I would say that odds are good that it could be quite bad."
"You know Giles," the slayer started wryly, "sarcasm's not exactly a weapon we can use right now. It's not particularly charming either."
"Yes, well, I need something to occupy my time while I await the impending doom."
"Are you going to be like this for the rest of the trip Mister Sunshine, cause if you are-"
"I don't mean to be… gloomy." The watcher said as he took off his glasses and rubbed his forehead, "I'm just worried about what may happen. We could be in serious danger, as could Willow. I don't want to loose anyone else."
Loss.
Buffy leaned back in her plane seat and sighed, "Does it ever end Giles? Will things ever get better instead of worse for us?"
"I'm not sure I understand." Answered Giles as he finished cleaning his glasses and returned them to his face.
The slayer looked over at Anya and then Xander who were sitting apart, but sill close enough to talk if they wanted to. Dawn was curled up asleep in a chair a few seats away but you could still see the grief the girl carried. Buffy looked down at her hand, her right wrist would ache sometimes before it would rain. The slayer guessed the ache was created from all of the staking, the sword, axe and other assorted weapon yielding, and the ever so often hand to hand fighting too.
Buffy looked up to her watcher, "Look at our lives Giles. Ever since I became the slayer… things in my life have gotten worse and worse. And not just for me, for my friends, my family, and you too Giles. We've lost too many. And we've lost too much. I'm tired of sacrificing, and I'm certainly tired of them, "she waved her hands at the Scoobies, "having to do it. They can't even live their lives anymore without something evil or hellmouthey interfering."
"Buffy, it's not-"
"Yes it is." Interrupted the slayer. "If I wasn't the slayer Tara would still be alive… If it wasn't for that evil demon guy, Anya and Xander who
should be together,
would be together. Willow never would have lost herself in the dark magic if I didn't need her help, Dawn wouldn't be growing up all dysfunctional family and post traumatic stress girl if she wasn't in trouble every Tuesday. And me… well we have dying and the whole been there, done that theme. I've lost friends, family, and watched innocent people die. And then there's whatever the hell is going on with me and Spike.
Was. I mean
was, going on with Spike." Buffy paused and looked into her watcher's eyes, "I don't know if I can do this anymore Giles."
Giles took in a deep breath and reached for the young woman's hand, "Buffy, you do more… have been asked do more, far more than anyone ever should have to do. And you're doing it, your sacrifice has saved more then you'll ever know."
"But what does that mean for us, for me?" Buffy asked as she slumped down into her seat. "What are we supposed to do, keep sacrificing and keep dying until it's time to pass the buck. And then what, the few of us that survived can settle down somewhere to try and finally begin our lives. Then we'd probably die of heart attacks and strokes a month after we finally get settled."
"Buffy-"
"No," interrupted the slayer, "when this is over … when we find Willow and bring her back … they're all done. The hellmouth, me being the slayer… it's taken too much from them. I may have to live this life, if for no other reason to keep them all safe. I'll keep fighting … but them … they're done."
"I know how hard it is to come to terms with the idea that your life isn't your own. I know what it is to blame destiny and fate and the powers that be. But then something happened and I realized that as much as I loose and as much as I sacrifice … it's all worth it when I look at what I have gained."
"Gained?" Buffy parroted incredulously. "I don't know the hell you're talking about Giles, but I haven't gained anything. All I've done is lost."
"You have gained Buffy, more then you'll ever know. If evil and demons and monsters didn't exist then Xander and Anya never would have met. Anya would have lived and died long ago. If it wasn't for magic, Tara and Willow may never have met. If there were no such things as vampires then I wouldn't be a watcher and we never would have met either, nor would of you and Angel. And Buffy, if you weren't the slayer … you never would have been sent Dawn."
Buffy looked at Giles for a long moment before finally pulling her gaze away and nodding in acceptance. A silence fell over the pair and it was the slayer who finally spoke.
"Giles?"
"Yes?"
"The thing that happened… the thing that you gained… what was it?"
"You."
Her mind was a haze and she was only vaguely aware of her surroundings. She wasn't asleep, she rarely slept these days, but she wasn't fully awake either. Maybe she was in the place in between sleep and awake? Could you feel pain there, cause she did. But the pain was always there so who knew where she was. Lost in her own mind perhaps?
The jeep hit a deep hole and the vehicle jerked forcefully, snapping the dozing redhead awake.
Willow blinked several times and looked around leisurely from her spot in the back seat. It was dark, very dark, but the surrounding desert was clearly visible by the bright moon.
'Still en route. I wonder how much longer.'       
The redhead sighed and looked to the seat next to her where Spike was snoozing away. Willow studied the now human and soul having Spike. He didn't seem that different to her, maybe he had been a vamp too long?
'Maybe you can't change after so much time. Can you really come back from being evil? Or a murderer, a killer? I killed Warren. What does that make me? What does that make me and how will I tell Tara?'       
Willow stared at the platinum haired man for a moment longer before reaching over and nudging him awake, "Spike. Spike, wake up. How much longer?"
The blonde vamp shot an annoyed look at the redhead as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and looked around, "How should I bloody know. Ask one of the tour guides why don't you?"
"Because," huffed Willow, "They don't speak English and I certainly don't speak whatever language it is that they speak."
Spike rolled his eyes at the witch and leaned forward and mumbled a few words in a foreign language. The driver replied and the former vamp slumped back in his seat, "About two hours, now if you don't mind, I would like to get some sleep until then."
The former vampire wiggled around in his seat and attempted to find a comfortable position.
"Spike."
A frustrated sigh, "What?"
"There has to be another way."
"There's not."
"There has to be. Tara could never forgive me if we do this."
"If we don't do this, you won't have anyone who needs to forgive you."
"Spike," Willow turned in her seat and looked the man hard in the eye, "When you said a soul possession spell, I didn't think… Spike, I can't sacrifice Warren's soul."
Spike sat up and returned the look, "Sure you can. The bloke shot your bird, right through the heart. I bet that hurt like a bugger too. And to top it off he wasn't even sorry. The guy was a murderer plain and simple, what's wrong with sacrificing a tainted soul?"
Willow's eyes narrowed and started to blacken, "Leave her out of this Spike, you only care if I get Tara back because you need to. If it didn't help your cause we wouldn't be here."
"Wait just a bloody minute," bristled Spike.
"Don't get indignant with me William. You're only helping me because you think it'll get you closer to Buffy. Well I got news for you, she doesn't want you, she doesn't love you. With or without a soul, she never will."
Spike's face contorted with anger and he lashed out, punching the steel back of the drivers seat. "Ouch, dammit." The former vamp cradled his injured hand and glared at the woman next to him. "You American women are as mean as damn snakes. You send a bloke mixed messages, expect us to read your bloody thoughts, you can never make up your minds but expect us to know exactly what you want, and then, when we give you what we both know you want, you're still not happy."
Willow stared back at the man next to her, "Spike, what are you talking about?"
"I don't know. You've got me so damn mad that I can't even think straight right now." Spike took a breath and paused before continuing, "I do to care about Blondie. She's one of the few of you that I do like. You've got some nerve telling me that I don't care."
"You care?" Willow parroted incredulously.
"Of course I do, I saved her from her family didn't I?"
The redheads brow furrowed, "Why? Why do you care?"
"Well," Spike began as he flexed the knuckles on his sore hand, "A few reasons really. She's a good lady, that bird of yours. She takes good care of the niblet for one. Standing up to Glory ain't the easiest thing, trust me on that one. She's always been good to me and gives a guy the benefit of the doubt. And even if she didn't do those things I'd still help you. She means too much to Buffy for me not to."
Willow stared at Spike like she had never seen him before and that he just told her that he found Giles attractive.
"What? It's true." Spike asked with offense. "And Buffy, I love her. Being in love means you do things like that."
"You might love her, but do you know how to love?"
Spike shook his head in frustration, "Women and their bloody riddles."
"No riddle Spike, it's really simple actually."
"Oh yeah," the platinum haired man pulled his cigarette out of his pocket and lit one up, "Enlighten me 'O woman one'."
"By helping me get Tara back you're hoping to gain Buffy's favor."
"It could be one of the fringe benefits, yeah. Why not?"
"You could do anything or give her anything … but it doesn't mean anything if you don't have anything to offer her."
"Sounds like a riddle to me." The former vamp mumbled around his cigarette.
"How old are you Spike? How old is Buffy? You were a vampire so long … do you even know what it is to be human anymore? I mean, what can you offer Buffy? A home? A family? What are you going to do Spike, get a job and settle down? Do you even know what Buffy wants?"
A heavy silence fell over the pair as they exchanged a long look. It was Spike who finally spoke, ending the quiet.
"We go through with the original plan. There can't be any changes or surprises. You do your soul possession-transfer whatever spell and get Warren's soul into my body while I deal with the demon master. Just make sure that it's Warren's soul that he takes and not mine."
"Spike we can't-"
"Do you know of a better way?"
Silence.
"It's what I thought. Now, how about stuffing it and let me get some sleep before my fight to the death huh?"
Willow nodded and Spike flicked his cigarette away, slumped down in his seat and closed his eyes.
The redhead readjusted herself in her seat and looked out into the desert night.
Less then two hours to make a decision.'TBC…