Needs advice...quickly!

[BohemianKitten]

Hey Kittens. I'm having a little bit of a crisis. Let me explain, and then see what you all think.



My girl and I have been together since fresh(man)person year. As juniors, we're still in our comfy closet. But someone found out. A kid, let's call him J. We've known J for a while, and he doesn't like either of us . He knows, and is now threatening to tell.



I, frankly wouldn't care. But my girl has had a lot of abuse, because people think she's gay. If it got out that she was, she doesn't think she could take it.



However, she doesn't know that J. knows. He's been talking to me. And he says: Break up with Anna, go out with me, I'll show you what it's really like, or I'll expose you both.



I want so badly to protect Anna, but I CAN'T live without her! Can someone please help me? I'd really apprecate it!



and Forever

[Iamyouknowyours]

I'd tell J to go fuck himself and let your girl know what's up. Although it will be hard for her to come out, she'd have to sooner or later for you two to stay together. I'm sorry it has to be sooner since it's befoer she's ready but if you let your life be controlled by fear you'll both be miserable.



Personally I'd recommend outing yourselves before he does. It might make things a little better if people hear it from the two of you personally.

[Tempest Duer]

Don't take any crap from that little bastard. You both deserve better. If you're going to be outed, do it yourself. You're juniors, and while it may be hard for Anna, it won't be long before you're both legally adults.



My instincts are telling me to advise beating J to a bloody pulp, but we both know that that's a bad idea.

Saying that up is down will not make up, down.



~Gene Burns

[angelofinsanity]

2 words.

Hire hitman.

i'm sorry, i can't really offer you any good advice for although i do understand how comfy it is in the closet, i haven't had any experiences of some asshole threatening/blackmailing me for something that i am.



could you laugh it off? i mean, just shrug it off, what can J do? tell everybody? <--- tell everybody that he's a fuckwit and he's spreading that just because he's jealous that you stood him down.

bring down HIS reputation.

it's hideously bad karma, but sigh, i'm feeling aggressive..........

-----------insert witty sig here------------

[Modjadji]

I'm with the rest...J is a complete a-hole. But you knew that.



My best advice in this situation would be to talk to your girl, and work it out together. There aren't any easy answers, though. High school is hell, but it's a surprisingly short stay as hell goes, so just remember that whatever happens, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Remind Anna of that, too.



Also, as an aside, try to get all the support you can before any possible storm breaks. Just a couple of supportive friends can make all the difference, so try to give them a heads up. If your school is anything like mine, then there'll be so much gossip flying around that J's little tale won't be headline news for very long. He may even be bluffing. I don't know.



Keep strong, and remember there are tons of people who had tricky coming out experiences and got through them happy and whole, if it even gets that far.



thoughts are with you,

mo.

[Saena]

Oh, wow. If I was in your place (or Anna's) I'd be worried too. I completely understand. When I think about J, all I can think is that it's a lost cause trying to talk to him. You and Anna need to talk about what to do. If you just come out to a few people who you know will support you, it'll be a little easier. Just take it one day at a time.



Best of luck!



Saena

[Darcy]

I believe strongly that it's far better to be honest about yourself right up front than to go through life worrying about getting "caught", but I've been out so long I can barely remember ever being in! I'm also not the one who has to live with the consequences of coming out, whether voluntarily or involuntarily. You two are the only ones who can judge whether that's a viable option for you. You do need to talk it out together, however. Keeping secrets is not good for a relationship.



If Anna's already been/being harassed on suspicion of being gay, being outed may not really make that huge a difference. In some ways, it may make things easier, since it's often simpler to deal with people when everyone's using the same version of reality.



Also, once the cat's out of the bag and you're out of the closet, you can enlist other forces you might be reluctant to approach now, such as a teacher, counselor, or administrator. Schools have an obligation to protect their students from harassment, and several districts that failed to do so ended up paying substantial damages when sued. Document any contacts so you can prove, if necessary, what harassment occurred, that it was reported to school officials, and their response.



It's difficult to gauge how receptive school staff may be without knowing where you're located (and no, don't volunteeer that information on a public board, or keep it very general - state, not town). Lambda Legal and the ACLU are both good resources, and the Gay-Straight Alliance Network is all about this sort of thing.



Lambda Legal's Youth & Schools Page



ACLU LGBT Youth & Schools Page



Gay-Straight Allianced



And by all means be prepared to fight back against J by letting everyone know that he tried to blackmail you because he couldn't get a girl any other way. The success of this tactic may depend on your own position at school and how well you can carry off the attitude it requires. By making it clear to J that this is the likely conclusion people will draw when his role gets out - and that you'll make sure it does - you may be able to cut him off at the knees before he starts something he's not prepared to finish. People like that aren't usually noted for their ability to think through the consequences of their actions, and he may not have realized this interpretation was not only possible but probable.



Good luck!

*****************
I don't care if it is an orgy of death, there's still such a thing as a napkin! - Willow in "Superstar"

[MellindraX]

First: *hugs*

Second: Darcy probably said most of this more eloquently then I'll hope to.



Skipping away from that regardless, two points I'll reinforce. Tell Anna before he does. Especially tell Anna before someone besides J does.



Be prepared to fuck with J as much as humanly possible. Depending on how rumor-happy your school is, I'd even suggest starting now. A few mentions of what a pathetic dweeb he is, how desperate he is to get you to date him, and when he tries to out you... Well, if Anna's still not ready, depending on how effective your rumor spreading was you may even be able to quash the notion entirely by being very explicit, and highly bitchy, about the fact he tried to use that 'fact' to get you to date him.

I’ve never purposely gone out to take somebody out. Well, maybe, in elementary school I once did try to trip somebody. –Amber Benson

[Dave V]

Sorry, saw this thread way too late to respond in a timely fashion.



Darcy and MellindraX have pegged the high points.



J. is a pathetic excuse for a human being. Blackmail someone into dating you, that's the way to win a person's affection and loyalty...NOT!



As a straight guy myself, I disown that bastard entirely.



Good luck.