This one is a bunch of my poems. Like...a whole big ole bunch. But, hopefully they're a good bunch.
MY VOICE
It's been a while
So long ago
Since I wrote on myself
Since I had things to say
Things to say that maybe
No one else would hear
Or could hear
And now I've found
My voice again
I'm saying so much more
Than I used to say
Since I lost my voice
So long ago
My voice is....home
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
NO MORE THOUGHTS TO THINK
It seems as though I start to find
A lack of things to say
And on those days I start to think
There has to be some way
To see a silver lining
I'm sure it's best to just
Not say anything at all
Instead of losing trust
Trust in other people
And then their trust in me
But then I realize a truth
I hadn't really seen
I had found that I, in fact
Did have something to say
All along I'd held a thought
That begged to find its way
Out into the world
For everyone to see
No, not the thought, I realize
I want them to see me
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MAYBE I'LL ELABORATE
The poison in my soul
The drag in my step
Maybe I'll elaborate
The tears in my eyes
The break in my heart
Maybe I'll elaborate
The storm in my sky
The shadow in my dreams
Maybe I'll elaborate
She broke my heart
Be still these tears
That haunt my dreams
With needless fears
Of dark storms rising
Soul is dead
She is the drag in my step
She is the drag in my step
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I LONG FOR LASTING LOVE
I long for a lasting love
As deep as ocean trenches
A scabbard to the sword of love
Bury in me to the hilt
Plunging into the deepest, darkest
Recesses of my soul
Wrapping itself, serpentine
Round and round my aching heart
I'm slowly losing faith in love
The loss, it cuts me like a knife
The precious drops of ruby red
Dripping, draining, spilling out
Weakening with every step
I falter, now I'm falling down
I can't sustain this quest for love
Will no one ever quest for me?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FOR HER
Why must it always end like this?
A heartfelt goodbye, sealed with a kiss.
Why can't I find the one who will stay?
Why do they always go away?
Am I not desirable to you?
Why do you not want me the way you used to?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HAIKU
Here I am unsure
Of what I should do about
These issues of mine
How am I supposed
To get her to realize
That I want her so
Or does it matter
When ultimately the choice
Is not mine to make?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
WISHING
Every wish on every star
On dandelions too
Is sadly more than likely
Never ever coming true
Every wish on every star
Is hope in something more
A hope that likely, sadly
Is not worth hoping for
I wish upon a dandelion
Plucked it from the ground
Hoping, wishing, wanting
For my wishes to come 'round
I wish upon a falling star
That never comes true
What's worse in this is that
I was wishing for you
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SAID THE DAMSEL OF HER DRAGON
So many choices and voices racing about
That I could scream from frustration and still never make it
To the place where I find that the darkness is falling and my eyes are adjusting
And I hide in the shadows and I'm safe from the bad ones
Who would strike in an instance and take everything with it
All that I hold dear and it's coming I fear
But its now or its never and I won't let it ever
Take me or break me or make me afraid
I'll stand tall and I'll fight and I'll make it tonight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DYING
Everybody looks at me
But they don't know what to say
They don't know if I will die
Or if I'll live to see the day
When the skies are blue
Or will I die when skies are gray
They don't know if I'm alright
But I'm gonna be okay
Because to die is to be free
So why can't they let me be
Slip into that nothingness
Into that place I want to be
It's somewhere I want to go
With someone or on my own
Because I've finally had enough
I think I have lived to much
And so now I lay me down
For my final breath
And I close my eyes and sigh
"Thank God, now I can finally rest"
And that's when I realize
How great life has really been
I don't know why I complained
Quite as often as I did
But, I'll rest my head
Lay upon my bed
Breathe my final breath
And finally welcome death
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Looking Glass
You are to me a looking glass
A lens I use to view myself
To scrutinize my every fault
To learn the ways I can evolve
I realize now the way we've changed
The way that you now look at me
You do not want me in that way
That you wanted me that day
Or all those days preceding this
I spiral into the abyss
Recognizing subtle shifts
In the lens I'm viewing with
And now I'm in the darkness deep
The darkness I forever keep
Within myself for no one else
To see the way I see myself
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FUCKING DOORMAT
I'll be your fucking doormat
If it means you care
I'll do whatever you want
Just to keep you here
I'll tell you anything
That makes you wanna stay
I'll be your fucking doormat today
I'll be your stepping stool
If it makes you love me
I'll follow all your rules
You're so high above me
The way you saw me there
I never stood a chance
My strength is my weakness
When it comes to romance
I'm too much of a gentleman
To let the lady see
That all I want is someone
Who'll take care of me
I'll give myself to you
So, I hope you want me
Even if it isn't true
Well, too bad you've got me
I'll make whatever wish
You've ever had come true
I'll give all of myself to you
I've given you so much
I've nothing left to give
And yet you're still the reason
That I breath
That I live
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
ON MY FIRST TIME WITH HER
When you let me taste your tender flesh
At first I felt a tinge of guilt
A feeling that I’d crossed a line
And yet, I couldn’t help myself
I was shaky right at first
And then I felt the feeling pass
Things had settled once again
It was like it had never been
And then you made that face again
The one that you make only when
You’re thinking something mischievous
A face I have come not to trust
To be anything other than
A harbinger of trouble and
I realize now that I was right
You had mischief on your mind that night
And in true geeky fandom form
You quoted Harry Potter’s charm
For being, himself, mischievous
“Mischief managed” and so it was
You pulled me down on top of you
Assuming I’d know what to do
And yet, I’d know idea, then
You bared your neck to me again
“A proper bite” is what you said
I let those words sink in my head
And then my teeth into your neck
All I could think was “what the heck?”
I figured nothing more would come
Of the biting on its own
I don’t see how I could have known
The way that biting would have grown
You moaned with pleasure every time
I altered or deepened the bite
You scratched your nails down my back
A feeling I have come to lack
In recent times, though I enjoy
The pleasure that the pains employ
To distract from unpleasantness
A feeling I won’t really miss
For no unpleasantness, felt I
No, only pleasures felt on my
Back when down your nails came
To bring me pleasure with the pain
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Hopehavoc