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 Post subject: The Red Hat-- Original fiction
PostPosted: Sun May 02, 2010 11:59 pm 
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3. Flaming O
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Joined: Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:59 pm
Posts: 138
Location: england
hey! this is my first time posting anything i've wrote but hopefully people will like this :pray
all these characters are mine (the names are based on some teachers at school) ;-)
i'll try to update as soon as possible but it might not be very fast because i'm using this as my english coursework so i'm going to edit it so it's abit longer and flows easier.
please leave feedback especially if you can tell me how to improve it Cheers!! :party

******FINAL EDITED VERSION (of part 1)******

'The Red Hat'- Part 1

“On Thursday 13th December, the murderer known as ‘The Red Hat’ struck again. This time it was a 29 year old named Jack Wells, he was found hanging from the ceiling, wrapped around his neck were computer wires,” explained Detective Inspector Charlie Tango.

The tall, slim woman seemed to have aged beyond her 30 years. Her thick brown hair was pulled up into a messy bun and deep brown eyes showed her exhaustion.

She paced back and forth in front of a group of 15 police officers, who were listening to her with rapt attention. A picture of Jack Wells was added to a board set up with all of the previous victims pictures.

Bits of paper were pinned all around the pictures with crossings out that showed just how hard they had been working looking for a link between all of the victims. Pointing to the picture of Jack, Charlie started going through some of the information already found.

“Jack is the 4th victim in as many weeks. We know that they all went to school together and that they all knew each other,” picking up a school year book that had seen better days, opened up to a page with all 4 victims on she continued, “All of them were in the same circle of friends in high school.”

Walking towards a table set up in the front of the room, she picked up a plastic bag. On them was a disfigured shape of a hat, drawn using the victims own blood.

The red liquid seemed to be dripping down the wall, giving it a sinister feel. All 4 of the victims has this painted on the wall nearest the entry way. It was obvious that the killer wanted the police to see it.

This was ‘The Red Hat’s’ calling card. This was the reason the police had named the killer ‘The Red Hat’. A stern looking man, in his early fifties came marching in to the room.

His greying hair and beard gave him a distinguished look. Ice blue eyes locked onto Charlie. Stepping forward he handed her a cream coloured folder.

“Is this the results of the blood?” Charlie asked Detective Walker. “The boys down at forensics just finished analysing it. Hopefully it’ll help close this case.” Opening the folder Charlie’s eyes widened.

******************************

It was dark and damp where he stood. ‘The Red Hat’ was displeased with him for the mistake he made. He spilled a drop of blood from a cut on his finger onto the body of Jack Wells.

Shaking all over, the green eyed man shuffled towards the door. Nobody displeased ‘The Red Hat’ and lived. A shadow, almost feminine in shape, stood in the corner of the bleak, bare room.

“You’ve disappointed me. I thought I could count on you not to mess up,” came a smooth almost predatory voice. “Guess I was wrong. Oh well! I’ll just have to clean up the mess you made.”

Turning in the direction of the voice, the blonde man tried moving his feet. He couldn’t. Heart pounding he stood frozen to the spot, as a strange humming sound started.

It sounded mechanical, like heavy machinery was headed towards him. As it got louder and louder he felt himself moving, even though his feet was stuck to what he thought was the floor.

He glided towards the sound, struggling in vain to escape what the young man knew was his death. The machine was upon him now. Claw like blades attacked his skin, blooding oozing from the open wounds.

Crying out in shock and pain he thrashed about helplessly as chilling laughter filled the room. The blades dug deeper into his skin, tearing away at the flesh.

Grinding against the bone and shattering them into pieces. Blood was gushing now, creating a dark inky river on the cement floor. The pain was too much; with a final thrash he screamed a blood chilling scream and fell into the claws of the mechanical beast.

Still dripping with blood and bits of still warm flesh, the machine gradually slowed down to a stop.

“Such a shame. Wasting a perfectly eager employee all because of a silly mistake,” the shadow made its way to the door; it looked almost like it had a spring in its step.

*****************************

“Oh, god! Are you sure this is the right person?” asked Charlie. Glancing down again at the picture on the folder, she sighed. Making her way over to the suspect board, she pinned a picture under the name ‘Mr Widehead’.

The picture contained a young, blonde man with green eyes around 28 years old. A gaunt, scruffy face stared out of the picture.

“Forensics have just got back to us with the results of the blood found on Jack’s body. We have one of our killers. His name is John Widehead and he went to school with all of the victims,” explained Detective Walker, as Charlie seemed to be in a state of shock.

Shaking her head, she turned to Walker, “Can I talk to you for a sec?” Nodding his head he followed her out of the door. “Alright! Now get on with your work!” barked Charlie just before she closed the door after herself.

Walking down the maze like corridors, they ended up at an interview room. The grey dull walls made most people think of a prison cell and the stiff, uncomfortable chairs seemed to suck even more life out of the already lifeless room.

Sitting down on a chair Charlie opened her mouth to speak, but as she tried no words would come out. Taking a deep breath she tried again “Why is this happening? I mean...I knew every single person on that board. I went to school with them. I saw them every day for 5 years!” exclaimed Charlie, with tears threatening to escape.

Visibly pulling herself together and reigning in her emotions she looked at Walker, begging him with her eyes to tell her the answer. Kneeling down in front of her, Walker wrapped his arms around her in silent comfort.

After about 5 minutes of this Walker spoke in a calm almost soothing voice, “Charlie you’re like a daughter to me. I hate seeing you like this, you’ve got to try and keep everything professional.”

Head buried in his shoulder Charlie replied “I know I do! But saying it and actually doing to two totally different things.” Sighing Charlie continued, “I used to be friends with 2 of the victims. I don’t want anybody else knowing this. I didn’t even mean to tell you all of this at first.”

Rolling his eyes, Walker stood up and offered Charlie a hand up, “I know, I know. We’ve been through this three times already. I promise you I won’t tell a soul.”

Opening the door, they both made their way to the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee. Sitting down, Charlie told walker what she wanted and waited as he queued up with a tray carrying two coffees and a sandwich.

After paying for the food and drinks Walker sat down opposite Charlie, passed her a coffee and tore into his chicken mayo sandwich like a ravenous beast. Throwing a disgusted glance in his direction, Charlie gently sipped her drink, careful not to burn her tongue and lips on the freshly boiled liquid.

Wiping the crumbs from around his mouth Walker opened his mouth to speak, “So, have any ideas about why all these killings are happening?” Shaking her head Charlie took another sip of her coffee, her brow creased with concentration as she started reviewing in her head, every scrap of information and every dead end they had.

Waving his hand in front of her face, Walker looked at her with a concerned expression on his handsome but aged face. Snapped out of her trance Charlie answered his unasked question, “What? Oh erm sorry,” pointing to her head, “just a bit crowded in here, that’s all.”

i've just edited some spelling and added a couple of things in. so please review and tell me what you think :blush


Last edited by willowtarabuffyfaith on Tue May 04, 2010 6:41 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: The Red Hat-- Original fiction
PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 10:05 pm 
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23. Volumey Text

Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 10:39 pm
Posts: 3787
Location: UK
Interesting premise. Kinda reminded me of an ep of "Wire In The Blood" that kind of thing.
Great writing.


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 Post subject: Re: The Red Hat-- Original fiction
PostPosted: Mon May 03, 2010 11:05 pm 
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3. Flaming O
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Joined: Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:59 pm
Posts: 138
Location: england
thank you! :blush But since i've never seen wire in thw blood i'll take it as a complient


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 Post subject: Re: The Red Hat-- Original fiction
PostPosted: Tue May 04, 2010 7:13 am 
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3. Flaming O
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Joined: Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:59 pm
Posts: 138
Location: england
********** just a warning i'll probably edit every part of this story as i update because i'm a perfectionist. So check back every now and then to see of parts have been edited. P.S lift is an elevator and the saying 'get your skates on' is a british way of saying you better hurry up :peace Oh and sorry this is a short update i'll try and make them a bit longer in future***********

The Red Hat- Part 2

“Are you sure you’re okay?” asked Walker, while bringing his steaming cup of coffee towards his lips. Nodding her head, Charlie finished her coffee and stood up.

Glancing at her black leather strapped watch, she groaned, “Still have an hour to go ‘till the end of my shift.” Looking at her in sympathy, Walker followed her back into the corridor.

Weaving their way through the busy corridors and dodging uniformed police officers, dragging struggling convicts to their cells, they finally arrived at the conference room being used for ‘The Red Hat’ case.
Opening the door, Charlie made her way over to the suspect board and stared intently at the name ‘The Red Hat’.

“What are you up to?” she whispered, almost as if she expected the board to answer her. She turned around abruptly and grabbed a folder full of notes in her handwriting.

An hour has passed quickly while Charlie sat, reading over all of her notes she made concerning the case. A gentle nudge to her shoulder broke her concentration.

Looking up over her black reading glasses she snapped, “What?” Raising one of his eyebrows, Walker smirked at her, a knowing twinkle in his blue eyes. “Everybody left about 15 minutes ago. If I were you I’d get my skates on. Otherwise you’ll be late for dinner.”

Eyes huge, Charlie dashed out of the room with her coat already halfway on and her bag in her hand. Darting towards the lift like the hounds of hell were after her, she pressed the button.

‘Please don’t be mad, Please don’t be mad,’ she pleaded over and over in her head. She waited impatiently for the frankly to cheerful bell announcing the arrival of the lift.

It seemed like an eternity before the thick steel doors slid open. Stepping into the metal box, she pressed the number for the underground parking. Bouncing up and down with nervous energy, the lift doors finally opened.

Unzipping her bag, she grabbed her car keys and scanned the rows and rows of cars. Spotting her midnight blue, convertible Volkswagen Beetle she headed towards it.

As she approached the vehicle she noticed the figure of a woman leaning against the driver’s door. A wide smile spread over Charlie’s face as the figure became clearer with each step she took.

ooOOoo!!! who is this mystery woman?? well you'll just have to wait until the next update :peace


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 Post subject: Re: The Red Hat-- Original fiction
PostPosted: Wed May 05, 2010 7:30 am 
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3. Flaming O
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Joined: Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:59 pm
Posts: 138
Location: england
heres the next part! please review if you read this! it's how i know if people like this and want me to keep going or if it's just a waste of time
p.s sorry it's so short

“Faith! What are you doing here?” Charlie asked as she wound her way through the last few cars that stood between her and the mystery woman. “Well seen as you are usually late our dinner plans I’d thought I would come over to the precinct and make sure you’re actually on time for one,” came the cheeky reply from Faith.

Stepping next to her Charlie took a quick inhale of air. Faith was wearing skin tight black jeans with a forest green silk shirt. Over the shirt she had a black leather jacket.

Her wavy dark brown hair hung down over her shoulders and framed her make-up free face. Stepping forward, Faith wrapped her arms around Charlie’s waist and rested her head on her shoulder.

“Mmmm.... I’ve missed you,” murmured Charlie as she wrapped her arms around Faith’s back. Stepping back, Faith pulled Charlie into a heart melting kiss, just before snatching the keys out of her hand with a cry of, “I’m driving!”

Rolling her eyes in mock annoyance Charlie walked around the car and opened the door. Sitting down on the car seat Charlie turned her head, “You’re so immature,” she groaned, as Faith gleefully fastened her seat belt and started the engine.

Sticking her tongue out at Charlie, Faith replied, “That’s one of the reasons you love me.” A soft, tender smile came across Charlie’s face as she stared at Faith, “Yeah.”

Pulling out of the car park, Faith glanced at Charlie with a slight blush on her face, “Could you please stop staring at me like that? I’m trying to drive.” Flushing bright red, Charlie averted her eyes and muttered under her breath, “S’not my fault I’m in love with you.”

Giggling, Faith reached over and intertwined their fingers. Keeping her eyes on the road Faith teased Charlie, “Phew! Well that’s a relief,” her chocolate brown eyes turned serious for a moment, “I’m in love with you too.” Sighing happily Charlie tightened her hold on Faith’s hand as she placed them on the gear stick.

Driving through the busy city streets of Manchester, the beetle eventually found its way back home. Climbing out of the car, Charlie gazed lovingly at the two story house.

The green ivy crawling up the side of the house, the stone walls and the lush green grass of the front and back garden gave it a warm and open feel to it. Grabbing, Faith’s hand she unlocked the front gate and rooted around her bag for about 5 minutes, looking for her set of house keys.

A jingling caught her attention, glancing up she saw Faith trying to suppress a smirk, a set of house keys in her hand. Narrowing her eyes, Charlie growled “So you’ve had those keys in your hand, all this time?”

Suddenly nervous, Faith swallowed while edging towards the door. Spinning on her heel, she sprinted to the front door, going as fast as her long legs would carry her. Hearing Charlie give chase she squealed and tried unlocking the door as fast as she could.

Tackling her from the side, Charlie and Faith landed with a thud on the thick grass. Sitting up, Charlie pinched the keys from Faith’s hand and jumped up.

Offering her hand to Faith she complained, “Letting me make a fool outta myself.” Once she stood up Faith looked at Charlie and rolled her eyes. “You just looked so cute when you’re concentrating,” teased Faith as Charlie unlocked the wooden oak door.

Turning the brass handle Charlie replied with a playful pout, “Yeah, well you’re just lucky I love you so much.” Smiling Faith entered the house after Charlie, and then locked it behind them.


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 Post subject: Re: The Red Hat-- Original fiction
PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2010 2:11 am 
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23. Volumey Text

Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 10:39 pm
Posts: 3787
Location: UK
Great updates. I could see this on tv.


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 Post subject: Re: The Red Hat-- Original fiction
PostPosted: Sat May 08, 2010 2:45 am 
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3. Flaming O
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Joined: Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:59 pm
Posts: 138
Location: england
really? :blush thank you i won't be able to update for a while becase my laptop has broke but i'll updatw asap


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 Post subject: Re: The Red Hat-- Original fiction
PostPosted: Mon May 17, 2010 4:46 pm 
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28. Com...plete

Joined: Sat Apr 30, 2005 8:18 am
Posts: 4809
Location: Austin
I really like this story, hope to see more soon :)

_________________
"To days to come."
"All my love to long ago.


I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly...

~Jas


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 Post subject: Re: The Red Hat-- Original fiction
PostPosted: Mon May 31, 2010 3:43 am 
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3. Flaming O
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Joined: Sun Mar 22, 2009 1:59 pm
Posts: 138
Location: england
sorry i've not updated in a while :blush my laptop crashed n i'm trying to get it fixed. it has all my files including a couple of chapters for this story sooooo it's going to be at least 3-4 weeks before i can even try to update

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Life's a big canvas. Throw all the paint on it you can.


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