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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Fri Mar 18, 2005 3:05 pm 
Man Urnie, that one was awesome!



I hate to be a broken record, but ahhh the imagery!



I adore this one, in fact, I think it's one of my faves of yours!



I particularly loved these lines:



"Legislate everything

Until

I don’t exist

in your eyes"



"You can write

But words are not actions"



and



"but I will still be your fear

only stripped down

to what is

essential"



*sighs*



excellent stuff Urnie!







“And what flavor Amber fan are YOU?



~*@.......We are the weirdest person in the world.......@*~




"Love who you love, just do it with your whole heart." - Urn of Osiris



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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Mon Mar 21, 2005 12:35 am 
Great imagery in your poetry :clap



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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Thu Mar 24, 2005 1:47 pm 
Something new. Thank you all for reading and taking the time to reply. I am very grateful.





The truth of self loathing



I am a liar

Because

What I share

Is a silhouette

Of the real me

You ask

And I am so strong

And weak

In the same moment

What I have built

Will collapse

Will disintegrate into

What is the purest form of who I am

And if you see

Take a long look inside

You will discover

That I am

Nothing more, just human

And your eyes

Will never look upon me

With anything

Other then

Pity







Urn of OsirisA new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow. Charles Brower

Edited by: Urn of Osiris  at: 3/29/05 5:48 am


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Sun Mar 27, 2005 12:32 am 
Great poem :read



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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Mon Mar 28, 2005 2:39 am 
Wonderful poem, as always. I feel like that too sometimes, we all do I think so it feels real. I also like the poem that was posted before this one titled 'Dominion', it's always good reading something new from you so more soon. :)





__________________

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." -Judy Garland

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." -Mahatma Gandhi




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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Tue Mar 29, 2005 5:58 pm 
"Take a long look inside

You will discover

That I am

Nothing more, just human"



Urnie, I love this poem. Thanks for posting these. As everyone else is saying, they're full of amazing imagery and really make us sit back and contemplate life (as a good poem should).



Keep writing, it's a pleasure to read them.

~*@.......We are the weirdest person in the world.......@*~



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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Sun Apr 03, 2005 5:21 pm 
Un-frickin-believeable! :shock



You blew me away with this one.



BV

It's the passion in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.



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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2005 4:59 pm 
Thanks SJ. I appreciate your feedback.



Thanks Renee85! I only share these because people here seem to feel something from it. Poetry makes me feel things I would ignore if I wasn't physically typing them out so I guess it helps me too. Thank you for leaving feedback.



Hey Vix! I think you and your darling understand a lot of these because you know how I guarded I am. Together you and she have been amazing friends and brutally honest. I sincerely appreciate both. Heaps of love!



Hey BV, Thanks for making me smile. The poems that I hesitate to post seem to be the ones that get the most response. Thank you for taking the time to read and to leave feedback.



something fresh from the noggin







Twinkle twinkle



A salty tear

Rolled and snaked

Tumbled, tossed

Until it fell

Screaming through space

colliding

It sprayed across

A Hard cold surface

And lay there

Drying

Tiny crystals

Crusty, abandoned

The only trace of spent sorrow

Never again touched

By the flesh that shed

Unnoticed

Unenvied

If another came

It would journey

The impact Striking just as hard

Never duplicating

Unique patterns

Except to dissolve

Into

obscurity



Urn of OsirisA new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow. Charles Brower



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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Sun Apr 10, 2005 2:50 am 
Great poetry :clap



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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Tue Apr 12, 2005 10:00 pm 
Great poem, Urnie. Poetry definitely does those things; it’s what’s great about it. I’m just grateful that you decided to share these on this board because they are truly amazing. And not only that, I just finished reading one of your stories, Pathways and Patterns, and I just loved it. I’m a little late in reading it but better late than never! I hope to read more poems soon, thank you. :flower



__________________

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." -Judy Garland

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." -Mahatma Gandhi




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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Wed Apr 20, 2005 1:06 am 
I was randomly browsing and stumbled upon this thread. And I'm oh-so glad I did.



Your poems are truly wonderful. I'm struck by their simplicity and the poignant emotions they evoke. Thank you for sharing them with us.

Edited by: onelesstraveled at: 4/20/05 1:22 am


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Mon Apr 25, 2005 6:20 pm 
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11. Fish in the Bowl
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Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 2:43 pm
Posts: 1333
Location: United States
Doctrine


your freedom
strangles
binds me to the stake
your gentle hand
stretches
as i yearn
for
what you offer
but that same touch
swipes
draws across the coarse paper
striking flame
to the very core
and I stand now
set to burn
for what I beleive
or for
what you command
who would choose to be
among the scorched
one day
you'll have to see
what is missing
from your place of judgement
for you'll be forced
into the inferno
for none have walked
with such disregard
you celebrate your position
until
it falls prey
the hand
that holds
the flame.

_________________
Urn of Osiris
"A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow." C. Brower


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 11:14 pm 
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23. Volumey Text

Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 10:39 pm
Posts: 3787
Location: UK
Wow,great poem :clap


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2005 11:27 am 
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11. Fish in the Bowl
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Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 2:43 pm
Posts: 1333
Location: United States
Thank you all for reading. It seems like the eye is looking great on this new board.

This is my first untitled work. I thought and thought and still could not come up with anything. Perhaps one of you might have a suggestion.



Untitled


It was dark
and it was silent
I could feel the thickness triple
as nothing
moved through me
And in the moment
When all sensation seemed a memory
It came
Like a rush
my soul couldn’t bear
The weight I strained to carry
The constant was too much,

Is too much,

I don’t want so much.

My pockets are full
My handbag drags beside me
And still it is coming
Why is it coming?

With a pulse
With a whisper
Numbness and dumbness have splashed to the side
The weight has forced away
All of the nothingness
Until I am drenched
Soaked so completely
Every inch distressed
Corners turned to rounded edge
Nothing to trip upon
But the abundance
Of it all
As I stagger
What a waste of so much
For just one

_________________
Urn of Osiris
"A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow." C. Brower


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Tue May 03, 2005 10:40 pm 
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23. Volumey Text

Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 10:39 pm
Posts: 3787
Location: UK
I find titles can be difficult too,I liked that poem,great writing.


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2005 7:49 am 
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11. Fish in the Bowl
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Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 2:43 pm
Posts: 1333
Location: United States
Thanks SJ. I think that might be your longest feedback. *grins* You are a constant leaver of feedback and I'm very grateful for it. Here's something new for you to take a look at.





traitor

you Judas
I have counted
so many times
and every moment you were my constant
salaried
and now
I look upon you with sadness
for I
can no longer
steady the balance
My pen can not touch paper
my brush can not touch canvas
without tears
that I strain to wipe away

my story is unwritten
my renderings white
I still dance
with my muse
but only while dreaming
for when I wake
the dance is ugly
and I strain
to pull myself from the darkness
you betrayer
I can not even steady
to strike you down


This one comes from an experience I had today. I've found myself fighting extreme fatigue and one of the latest physical frustrations in shaking. My hands are unsteady today and it is hard to paint. This is something I love to do and I had to really concentrate to finish a small amount. So this came to my head as I was washing my pallette.

_________________
Urn of Osiris
"A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow." C. Brower


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Thu May 05, 2005 10:39 pm 
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23. Volumey Text

Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 10:39 pm
Posts: 3787
Location: UK
That poem has a nice rhythm to it,great writing.


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 3:59 pm 
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30. Sweaty and Kinda Gay
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Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 7:17 am
Posts: 5210
Location: Oregon
Hi ya Urn, I just wanted to drop ya a note to say that I really like your poems. You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself completely without using more words than necessary. I really like they way you choose your words so that each one conveys the uttmost meaning without seeming overstated or even obvious. This is esspecially true in your poem entitled traitor you used the word
Quote:
salaried
which, to me, was quite brilliant. For one, it's use was in the beginning of the poem before we, as the reader really have any time to draw conclusions as to what your theme is. The use of the word 'salaried' really sets a mood to which the rest of the poem flows smoothly.

I think you have great rhythm and these peoms are really a pleasure to read. Thank you for sharing.

xoxo
Emms

_________________
G Wing


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Tue May 17, 2005 6:22 pm 
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9. Gay Now
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Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 10:22 pm
Posts: 973
Location: Australia
Urnie, I loved this poem. It does worry me, especially knowing how sick you were (are) feeling. *smacks the doctor for the millionth time* I'm glad you have the outlet of words to express how you feel. Plus, you do it so well. Thanks.

_________________
.......We are the weirdest person in the world.......

L'absence est à l'amour ce qu'est au feu le vent; il éteint le petit, il allume
le grand.


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Wed May 18, 2005 1:52 pm 
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11. Fish in the Bowl
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Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 2:13 pm
Posts: 1482
Location: Outer Banks
Untitled, I think that one should stay that way. Not only do you find yourself caught up in the words, but then begin to think about what you might name it!

Traitor...I found this one interesting, and I would have guessed inner turmoil if you hadn't mentioned the fatigue. Sorry you're not feeling well...Many of us have medical issues causing fatigue, and the frustration is immense. You have the gift of being able to express it.

Thanks for sharing.

BV

_________________
It's the passion in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2005 6:20 pm 
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11. Fish in the Bowl
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Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 2:43 pm
Posts: 1333
Location: United States
Thanks SJ – It felt right as I was reading through it. I appreciate your feedback.

Miss Kitty’s B.O.Y. – I’m so happy to hear that you like my poetry. It’s interesting that you would pick salaried. That word was key to this poem. I had others in its place before that one seemed to accurately convey what I was feeling. It is so horrible when what you want to do is hindered by what you can physically do. Thanks for your very kind words. I hope you enjoy the next one.

Vixy – Mwa!! Thank you. Yeah, it sucks to have physical limitations. I guess as long as I can write, I have a way of expressing my frustration. Thank you for continuing to support my creativity and for being one of the most patient editors a writer could ever have.

BV – I think having something untitled made it seem unfinished. It really is the first time I couldn’t think of one. I’ve decided to leave it. Yes, traitor was so cathartic. I figure as long as I can type I can handle what comes. Thank you so much for sharing what you think. I really do appreciate it.




Statues in the park

I am the scourge
The distasteful thing on your tongue
What you despise most
Is my nature
Human
Your fingers are sharp
Paced so swift in my direction
I can see
I am constantly looking
A soft breeze
The way the shadow bends the strength of a tree
That tiny insect
Devouring
The roots of your vine
It is everywhere
Not just in the coarse grain of your idols
Run your fingers across the freshly scythed ground
And awaken
You will never feel more alive
As when the world
Is precious
Every blade
Every single shadow
Cast differently but questing
For acceptance
Without your bitter
Frightened
conditions

_________________
Urn of Osiris
"A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow." C. Brower


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Sun May 22, 2005 8:39 pm 
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9. Gay Now
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Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 10:22 pm
Posts: 973
Location: Australia
I think this poem deserves good old fashioned kitten feedback, even if it's read elsewhere.

My favourite parts?

"That tiny insect
Devouring
The roots of your vine"

Fantastic image.

"You will never feel more alive
As when the world
Is precious
Every blade
Every single shadow
Cast differently but questing
For acceptance"

Oh, I liked this a lot. And I can relate to it, too. Thanks for sharing the meaning and what inspired you to write it, it's very interesting to compare the way we read it with what inspired it.

_________________
.......We are the weirdest person in the world.......

L'absence est à l'amour ce qu'est au feu le vent; il éteint le petit, il allume
le grand.


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2005 1:27 pm 
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30. Sweaty and Kinda Gay
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Joined: Mon Apr 25, 2005 7:17 am
Posts: 5210
Location: Oregon
Urn, I do indeed love this poem. There were so many wonderful bits of word usage and description in this poem, I'll just illustrate a couple that I really thought were extra excellent, And please feel free to let me know if you think I'm over-analyzing....I tend to do that when I like something a lot.

Quote:
The way the shadow bends the strength of a tree


Now, I thought this description was very lovely. It illustrates how something, seemingly so inconsequential as a shadow, given the right weight of circumstance (state of mind) can carry great force. (even enough to bend trees)
Usually trees are a very effective symbol of consistancy and stability, and you can tell me if I might be reaching here to suggest that the "shadow" spoken of in this part of the poem is being used to represent a specific happening in the life of the character. For example: Illness or sudden changes in perception of the stability in and around the home?


Quote:
Run your fingers across the freshly scythed ground
And awaken


I thought that that part was simply amazing, it felt almost as if the character represented in the poem has been living in a kind of perpetual indifference to life happening around him/her and I feel that the freshly scythed ground represents the tangible need, not only to ground oneself in the reality of day to day life, but also to (as you put it) 'awaken' from this supposed, self-imposed sleep, almost as if waking from a dream-reality.

I'm sorry if I may have rambled a little, but your poems are really easy to get immersed in. Again, thank you for sharing.

xoxo
Emms

_________________
G Wing


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2005 3:34 pm 
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11. Fish in the Bowl
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Posts: 1482
Location: Outer Banks
Excellent!! Really liked this one alot.

BV

_________________
It's the passion in a kiss that gives to it its sweetness; it is the affection in a kiss that sanctifies it.


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2005 10:35 pm 
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23. Volumey Text

Joined: Tue Apr 26, 2005 10:39 pm
Posts: 3787
Location: UK
Great poetry.


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 7:41 am 
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11. Fish in the Bowl
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Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 2:43 pm
Posts: 1333
Location: United States
Hello again. I see that it has been a long time since I've replied or posted here. I guess I've lost my devotion to writing. I took a vacation and as much as it was wonderful it was very depressing to come home without a few members of my family.

I'll send warm hugs and Large thanks for the feedback you've all left.


Vixy - Thanks for all you do to inspire me. I'm a crabass and I know it. I'm horrible with spelling and grammar and you make me look skilled. I'm so thankful for your friendship.

Emms - Wow, quite the analysis. I'd say that poetry is lovely for so many reasons, one specifically, the reader can give life to suit their own emotional state. The poems change for me. The moment I've put them to paper, they breathe only that moment's pain. Today it speaks to me so differently. If that makes any sense, you have cracked the secret code that is my freakin mind. *smacks self*

BV - Thank you. It is always wonderful to see you here, and to know that you still read the insanity that I post.

SJ - Thank you.


Here's a little something new.
Enjoy



Player

I can only imagine you out there
Someone else
holding and touching all the right places
Points against my palm so briefly
belonging to a faceless stranger
you moved me
delightfully
the rhythm that came when we danced
I wanted that
But lost you in my haste to arrive
I close my eyes
I can see hands
His and Hers
I don’t care about either
Or both
Because neither can be mine.
By now, you could be abandoned
Recklessly
Lost forever in the tumble of overcrowded fill
How I wish I could begin
And search
But I know
You are lost
As lost as I have been
Since the moment my hand last fell upon you
I have not wept
But have
Internally
Will eternally
Flagellate my weakness
For having abandoned you
In the folded fabric
On the stained tattered nap.

_________________
Urn of Osiris
"A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow." C. Brower


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Mon Aug 01, 2005 6:12 pm 
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9. Gay Now

Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 11:27 am
Posts: 956
Location: New Orleans (for the moment)
Quote:
By now, you could be abandoned
Recklessly
Lost forever in the tumble of overcrowded fill
How I wish I could begin
And search
But I know
You are lost


Your words always amaze me. This poem touched home and I really loved the way you wrote it. Structure, wording, everything. Great work.

Yvonne


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 4:01 am 
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9. Gay Now
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Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 10:22 pm
Posts: 973
Location: Australia
Dearest Urnie,

I loved this poem. It's possibly my favourite so far, which is saying a lot.

I liked this part the most:

Quote:
the rhythm that came when we danced
I wanted that
But lost you in my haste to arrive


I'm curious to know more about this poem. *thinks small and fails* Hopefully we can harass you enough to get more info about it.

Anyway, I'm really, really glad to see you expressing everything that goes on in that crazy head of yours, in the form of poetry. I think it's the healthiest thing for you to do! And I know many kittens enjoy reading it. Just keep churning them out and we'll keep faithfully reviewing.

*hugs*


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 10:28 am 
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11. Fish in the Bowl
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Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 2:43 pm
Posts: 1333
Location: United States
Yvonne & Rozy - Wow! thank you so much for the feedback. I love that my ideas gave birth to such emotion, that it touched you both. I get so excited when the same words affect people so differently. It is the power of the written word at its finest.

Here's a little something new.



Cyclical monotony

Through my shaded window you’ve come
invited
for one anxious dose
like a tiny pill tucked beneath the tongue
To settle your disturbance
Claw away
like the tethered cat that you are
With a tail tightly bound to the cushion of your chair
You scratch across the backs of others
Rising
An unquenched thirst to be the first
The best
Loved.
Moaning with inadequacy
Hands, your hands glide swiftly
tapping fingers
At those that dare to offer up their news.
I’ve seen so many
Good
Come and then vanish
Oh, how I wish those with true heart and spirit would return
To swaddle the incomplete
To stir them awake from what has become stale
Thoughtless and detached
This fantasy once bridged the widest gap
Drew spiraling stairways of happiness
Toward what was impossible

_________________
Urn of Osiris
"A new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow." C. Brower


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 Post subject: Re: Observations
PostPosted: Tue Aug 02, 2005 4:35 pm 
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9. Gay Now
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Joined: Sun Apr 24, 2005 10:22 pm
Posts: 973
Location: Australia
Quote:
Oh, how I wish those with true heart and spirit would return
To swaddle the incomplete
To stir them awake from what has become stale
Thoughtless and detached
This fantasy once bridged the widest gap
Drew spiraling stairways of happiness


This was my favourite part.

You use the perfect words to give us a feeling, and that feeling comes through so strongly here. You're truly a poet.


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