Title: Courage

Author: Gabbles

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer: Umm...all mine, I guess. Blame the babblynes that is my mind 24/7

Distribution: umm...this is mine...if you really wanna use it, let me know etc.

Notes: *eep* Ok, I'm nervous. This is a short little thing I wrote for no real reason. Popped into my head-please let me know how you think I could've done better/how I could've made it flow more fluently...it seems a bit..er...unflowey?...to me. The tense, or something, may seem wonky. I dunno, let me know?



ok, here it is:





Courage





“Do you have any idea just how in love with you I was in high school?”



I had been watching your family; your wife, standing under the shade of the willow tree in your backyard, your adorable five month old son in her arms. She had been watching your three year old twins run shrieking through the sprinklers water with a loving smile on her face. I’d been watching them, and watching you watch them.



Watching the contented look on your face as you took in this rare moment where everyone was smiling; there was no crying baby or grazed knees or horrible nappies or demanding spouses. Just this family bliss.



And then suddenly there was that. That comment that had ripped through my hearing and took me several minutes before I could actually acknowledged what you’d said. My head snapped over to look at you, taking in your...seemingly amused, and also slightly wistful features.



You’d laughed, “Sorry. Thoughts were racing through my head and that slipped out.”



I swallowed, looking at you with an eyebrow raised, “Really?”



It was all I could get out. How are you supposed to react when your best friend since you were sixteen tells you they were in love with you for years?





When you had come out to me in the first year of university, I hadn’t been all that shocked. After all, our high school had had rather a few ‘open’ people, and we were always hearing stories about people ‘experimenting’. You being gay had never bothered me in the slightest. It would be a bit stupid, if it had.



After all, there was that drunken kiss the two if us had shared.



I’ll always remember that well; we’d had so many people mention it to us for so long after it had happened, it was hard to forget.



We were at that party, the one our friend held every year for her birthday. Everyone was at least tipsy, though the majority was drunk. You and I had been somewhere in between.



I’d walked up to you, and you’d thrown your arms around me in a hug, like you often used to do. We’d stood with your arms around my neck and my hands resting on your hips, our foreheads resting together.



This hadn’t gained us any attention, as we were always the type of friends who were affectionate with each other. We’d stood; talking about something-our drunken ramblings hadn’t made much sense to me. Throughout our ‘conversation’, we had pecked a few times. However, I’d barely noticed we were doing it, it just seemed so natural. But then, all of a sudden, our pecks had turned into a kiss, and a kiss to making out.



It wasn’t until the guy’s horny cheers had reached our foggy brains that we’d realized what we were doing. We had broken apart and laughed it off...



And so, you coming out wasn’t a big deal. I’d accepted it, we laughed and joked and I teased you in that way that only a best friend can get away with.



But this…this declaration was a surprise.



You laughed again, “Yeah, really. I was in the whole, ‘I’m so not gay’ stage around the time we met. Then you were introduced to me and we clicked.” You grinned at me then. We’d always had comments given to us at how well the two of us ‘clicked’. We’d met and become friends instantly; surprisingly quickly to some people. “Well, I denied the whole thing to myself for a few months; I mean, come on, I was sixteen. Then I admitted I thought you were hot.” You giggled then, blushing a little, “And then I admitted to myself, ‘okay, self, you have a crush. No big deal.’ Then there was that party, and our ‘moment’…” that’s how we’d always jokingly referred to out drunken kiss, if we ever did talk about it, “And I just…well, I couldn’t deny it to myself any longer.”



I had looked at you, taking you in as you told me this. Your long brown hair was pulled loosely into a ponytail, like you know your wife, Ashleigh, liked it. Your green eyes looking at me, filled with amusement. You wore no makeup; you never really have. You never bothered with it, and I’d have to literally sit on you to make you stay still so I could do it when we went out when we were younger. I took in your long sleeved green top and knee length brown skirt, so your own style.



I noted the pride bracelet on your wrist, something I’d gotten you after you’d come out to me to show you I accepted it, that I accepted you; you’d gotten all teary when I had given that to you. And you cried when I showed you the matching one I’d bought for myself so I could show the world I accepted my best friend.



I looked at you, and I marveled at how much you still resembled the sixteen year old I had first met. The past fifteen years seemed to have only agreed with you.



I glanced from you to Tim, standing at the barbeque on the balcony, spatula held aloft. His blonde hair ruffled from not been brushed that morning, his soft brown eyes taking in the back yard. He caught my eye and blew me a kiss, waving his left hand in my direction. His wedding band, the one that matches my own, glinted in the noon sunlight.



I looked back to you, and I wandered why you didn’t look apprehensive. Hell, if it had of been me telling someone this, I’d of at least have been a little worried about how they’d react. I took me a minute, but I realized it; you’d accepted it. It had been something that you’d had years to get over, and it was now a distant memory. And you were sharing it with me; your best friend.



I smiled at you, trying to make light of the situation, “Hey, I knew I was hot, but I made you gay? Go me!”



I’d laughed as you’d thrown a piece of popcorn at me.



“Did I shock you?” You’d asked with a grin.



I smiled, “Not really. After everything you and I have gotten up to, do you really think there’s much you could say to me that would shock me?” I’d winked playfully at you.



You’d smiled, “Highly doubtful…” your look had turned pensive then, “You were bloody hard to get over, though.”



You’d looked sharply to where your wife was situated as your son had started to cry, mothers instinct so prominent in you.



“Sorry to cut and run, but Ashleigh was up with Owen all last night, so I wanna go take him off her hands for awhile.” I’d grinned a secret grin at you as you’d gotten up then, knowing you hated it when people did that to you, “What!?”



“You.” I’d stated. You had given me a quizzical look so I’d elaborated, “You’re so domestic; all growed up!”



I’d laughed again as you’d thrown some more popcorn at me, and then watched as you had walked over to your wife, kissing her before taking Owen.



My smile had faded as I took in what you’d just told me. I looked again over to Tim, happily flipping burger patties at the barbeque.



I had looked down at my wedding band, twisting it around my finger as I still often do. I then looked back up at you, but you hadn’t noticed. I’d smiled softly again, watching as you had bounced Owen gently on your hip, trying to calm the baby down.



Years and years worth of memories of our friendship had flashed past my eyes in that moment. My introduction to you; the parties we so loved to frequent together; our drama performances, mainly the excerpt of Othello you’d insisted we perform together; high school graduation; our excited screaming when we’d found out we had gotten into the same university; our uni lives, living it up together when we should have been studying; the day you’d hesitantly introduced your first girlfriend to me; the day I introduced Tim to you; the double dates we’d all gone on; your wedding to Ashleigh, and mine to Tim; your excited babbling on the phone when the twins had been born; my pride when you named one of them after me.



I know my face must have looked wistful, as something broke through which I had never let show before. I’d felt my heart clench tightly in my chest as only one thought suddenly stuck out in my mind.



If only I had courage when I’d first met you; if only I had of told you how I felt all those years ago.







End

I’m a vegetarian and have been for 11 years. I eat when I’m hungry. And if I want desert, I’ll have frickin’ dessert!" -Amber

Amen to that!

Edited by: gabbles at: 10/25/04 9:13 am

I'll be darned, this is bold. Why is it bold? The emotion in this is so direct, the memories so vivid, and the tragedy of the situation along with its acceptance are concrete, real, solid. The first/second person thing works really well for a piece this length. You place the reader into the mind of the narrator, and then address the reader "You-- Us" directly. A very interesting, well-constructed little story. Bravo!



Thanks for sharing this with us.



-SQ

*puts her hand to her heart*



ow...



that really hurt. Man, you're good. Really good. Well done, you got my heart all achey lol, whoot.



I find these stories the saddest to read. They always seem to hurt. You did so well in presenting everything, i'm impressed.



*claps*



- Bellie

I really like this....at first I didn't think I'd be able to get into the "lesbian admits love of best friend to said best friend" thing b/c I didn't think it would break any new ground. But you've surprised me and made it fresh....the admission by both characters (either aloud or otherwise) is something you don't see every day. The wistful thoughts of the speaker help us sympathise for both parties, instead of just the lesbian who never said anything. Well done.

Time flies by when the Devil drives.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

Wow..thanks guys for that...







StrangeQuark: I'm glad I placed the reader into the mind of the narrator, as with this peice, it was something I really wanted to do. Also, bold? yay me! lol. Thanks so much for the praise, I went all blushy... . I'm glad you liked...



Bellie: I hurt you! I'm sorry! *blushes* thanks lots...even if it hurt, I'm glad it effected you in some way.



Kieli: lol....'at first I didn't think I'd be able to get into the "lesbian admits love of best friend to said best friend" '



hehe. Well, I'm glad I surprised you Sympathy for both of them was something I was aiming for, so I'm glad I achieved that. Thanks heaps for the praise









I'm really glad this little piece was enjoyed/had an effect. I played with a few themes in this little story and had fun doing so....thanks lots for the feedback guys, I like to know what works and what doesn't



*hugz*

~Gabs

I’m a vegetarian and have been for 11 years. I eat when I’m hungry. And if I want desert, I’ll have frickin’ dessert!" -Amber

Amen to that!

Title: Storms and Dances

Author: Gabbles

Rat PG13

Disclaimer:[/b] Umm...all mine, I guess. Blame the babblynes that is my mind 24/7

Distribution: umm...this is mine...if you really wanna use it, let me know etc.

Notes: Okay...no one else has read this and I'm just gonna run away while you do...let me know what you think?..Oh, and it's really rather short...Kinda a 'feel good' little story, a change to the first one I posted.





Storms and Dances





The rain is pouring outside. Thunder rolls through the air and lightning splits the sky. The normally bright afternoon light is muted to a dull grey. No birds sing or fly; no child’s laughter can be heard from the street; no light streams through into the rooms of the house, splashing against the floor like usual. The tree’s lash violently back and forth from the wind; the rain beats against the window pane mercilessly; smoke rises from chimneys only to be whipped away into the sky.



It’s a scene of misery.



A person could sit, staring out their bedroom window, just as I am, gazing blankly at the dark grey of the street outside their house. They could sit and stare, pondering their life, urged on by the terrible weather, and think of nothing but the negatives of their lives. They could let the wet and cold and general misery of the afternoon settle into their minds and hearts and become horribly depressed.



The rain could flood through them, the cold could claim their bones, the wind could blow their thoughts into a confusing mess, the trees could lash at their faces, and the bleak color could seep in to their skin.



But not me.



No, I sit, staring out my window, watching the street with a bright smile on my face. For there she is, spinning on the spot, arms out and head held up to the sky, tongue poking out to catch the water. Her hair whips around her face in strawberry blonde wet clumps, her bright clothes and brilliant grin contrasting beautifully with the dullness of the world around her. Her skirt and top cling to her frame, and her skirt slaps wetly against her skin as she abruptly stops her spin. Wet hair settles against her head, drenched and dripping as she looks up and right into my eyes.



Her grin grows tenfold as she sees me watching her, my own bright smile covering my face. She starts towards the front door, continuing the walk she had paused from, coming back from her afternoon history lecture, to dance in the rain. My smile grows even bigger as I race out of my room and dash down the stairs to the front door. Only to be beaten as she enters the house, water dripping down her face, legs, and clothes, hitting the floor with little ‘splats’.



She shuts the door behind her hard and launches herself in my arms. I don’t notice that I get completely saturated as our mouths meet in an insistent kiss, her cold lips a contrast to the warmth of her tongue. I also don’t notice that all of a sudden we’re up the stairs and falling backwards on the bed in a tangle of limbs.



All I can think is how much I love it when it storms and she dances.









End

I’m a vegetarian and have been for 11 years. I eat when I’m hungry. And if I want desert, I’ll have frickin’ dessert!" -Amber

Amen to that!

Emotive and picturesque. I could see, feel, and hear every delicious detail. Great stuff!



-SQ

*grins and pats where her heart is*



You have complete control over my heart lol, this could be dangerous! hahaha



awwwwwh.....see, it's things like this that do my lil heart good! It's so completely well done.



The last line got a huge 'awwwwh' out of me.



Overall point of this reply lol: you're REALLY REALLY good



- Bell

StrangeQuark: Wow Thankee so much. I'm glad you liked! Thanks heaps for feedbacking and I hope you continue to enjoy.



little miss 666/bell: Complete control? Er...um...wow! Thanks....*Swallows*

lol. I'm glad you liked, and I got an 'awww'? *special feeligns* Thanks heaps for feedbacking...hope you like the next one!







THanks for replying guys. I'm in a fluff mood in my writing at the moment, as my W/T peice in pens will atest too, and the one I'm about to post below.



Again thanks!

*hugz*

~Gabs

Title: Family

Author: Gabbles

Rating: G

Disclaimer: Umm...all mine, I guess. Blame the babblynes that is my mind 24/7

Distribution: umm...this is mine...if you really wanna use it, let me know etc.

Notes: Fluff





Family



Music drifts into her mind, invading her thoughts and she finds herself humming along with a small smile on her face. She hates this song, can’t stand it in fact, yet here she is, humming along to it.



Never in her life has she been so happy. It seems to clench at her chest, wrapping itself around her heart and threatening to burst, spilling cheer and undiluted happiness on everyone around her. A silly grin smothers her face, and no matter what she does, she can’t seem to wipe it off; and in no terms does she even want to.



She hugs the fuzzy blue teddy bear to her chest, running her fingers against the softness of its fur lazily. Leaning back against the wall, she takes a deep breath in and tries to quell the overwhelming excitement that’s threatening to spill out from inside, causing her to bounce up and down on the spot; or, worse, run shouting for joy up and down the hallway. She breathes out gently and settles on letting out a giggle, receiving a Look from a passerby. She just continues to grin in his general direction until he’s out of site, then goes back to smiling to herself. Nothing can rain on her parade today; not even the fiercest of thunder storms could ruin this feeling, this utter mind consuming joy.



Taking another deep breath, she brushes a hand through her hair and steps forward, turning left down the corridor, then stopping outside the door that held her reason for her uncontrolled smiling. Stepping through the door, and stepping up to the edge of the bed, she keeps her eyes off the corner of the room for now. Her grin softens to a loving smile as she takes in the woman lying asleep in the bed, hair falling softly on the pillow, her face tired but smiling gently even while asleep.



Walking around to the side of the bed, the woman takes the hand of her sleeping partner and leans down, placing a kiss atop her head, tears filling her eyes as pride takes place in her heart alongside the joy of five minutes earlier. This woman is stronger then she could ever hope to be.



Lifting the hand held in her own, she presses a kiss against it before placing it gently back to the bed and turning her attention to the corner of the room. Stepping quietly up to the bassinet she looks in, getting the first site of her son.



Wide blue eyes look up at her, a tiny hand stuffed into an adorable, perfect mouth. A light covering of soft brown hair covers his head, and the tiny fingers of his free hand flex rhythmically in time with his sucking at the hand in his mouth. The tears that had been welling spill, trailing down her cheeks as she looks into a face that so resembles her wife’s. Biting her lip, she reaches down and picks up the delicate bundle, not completely sure how to hold the tiny baby confidently, yet instincts taking over as he seems to sit in her arms naturally.



Cradling him in her arms, she looks with awe as his little face shifts grumpily at being disturbed before settling into a sleepy gaze, his eyes flicking around the room, not focusing on much until they settle on her own eyes, and he gazes into them curiously. Not bothering to wipe the tears, she walks over and sits softly on the edge of her wife’s hospital bed.



Swallowing heavily again, she lifts a hand and gently traces his baby soft skin of his cheek before allowing him to grip her finger. Her breath comes out shaky as she tries to control her emotions. Her smile radiates pure pride; pure joy; pure awe.



Looking to her wife, she startles to see her watching her intently from her place against the pillows. A soft smile covers the mother of her child’s face, and she feels her own grin soften to the same smile.



Her eyes shimmering with tears, her wife whispers,

“We’re a family.”









End

lol, yeap, complete control haha, be careful! If you write anything heartwrenching i might not survive! gah! But i love depressing heart-achey stuff....oh man....i've screwed myself dammit!



aaaaanyway, onto feedback! May i just say....*takes deep breath* wowohmygodthatwasareallyreallyreallyreallyreallygoodlikebetterthangoodstoryitwassocuteijustwantedtocry!



*takes another breath*



ilovetheinteractionbetweenallthreeofthecharactersthewayyoudiscribeditwasjustsodamnadorable!!



*runs out of air and gasps out* thankyou!





*passes out*





- Bell

Title: Feelings

Author: Gabbles

Rating: PG-13 (naughty language)

Disclaimer: Umm...all mine, I guess. Blame the babblynes that is my mind 24/7

Distribution: umm...this is mine...if you really wanna use it, let me know etc.

Notes: Written for all who suffer....xoxo





Feelings





Turning her face from the stares, the brown haired girl held back a sob and sped up. Turning left into the toilets, she fled to a back cubicle and slammed the door shut behind her. Dumping her backpack, she fell, her back hitting the door as she slowly slid down the cold blue metal until she sat, knees pulled to her chest and head resting in her hands.



Only then did she allow the sobs to escape her throat. She muffled them against her arm, stifling even this small act of pain. She felt the tears slowly slide against her cheeks, tasted the salt on her lips, heard the choking sobs she made-she sensed all this, and felt shame rise like bile within her.



Here she was, on the floor of a girls toilet in a school, sobbing like a little girl. She willed herself to stop, biting her lip until the coppery taste of blood mixed with that of the salt. She slowly felt her sobs ease.



Lifting her head from her arm, she looked up at the wall opposite her. 'Life is like a dick-when it gets hard, screw it' was scrawled across it in black pen. She couldn't help the laugh that choked out of her at how inappropriate yet ironic it seemed.



She pulled in a deep, shuddering breath, her lips trembling slightly. She could give in, right now, let it all drag her down and just be smothered by it all. Let all their childish games and cruel words bite into her. Let the others get to her. Let them win. She let her head fall back against her arms.



"Fuckers," she mumbled into her sleeve.



All she'd done was try to be herself, and apparently that was too honest. Why did it matter to them who she was, or what she did with her life?



Her face flushed read with humiliation as she remembered just how much it did matter to them all.



"Giant fuckers," she whispered weakly.



She leaned back into the door, letting her head fall against and relaxing her neck, trying to calm down.



Trust. That was what had put her there. Screw trusting people. Why'd she let herself, anyway? People had let her down before. But no, she'd blabbed to her. To the one person she’d thought she could trust. She'd told her one secret, something she'd kept guarded and protected. Something that made her, her.



And she'd been betrayed.



She looked down at her arms and realized her blunt fingernails were attempting to shred her skin. She hadn't tried to do that in a lone time. She'd even cut her nails short just to avoid doing it. Wrapping her arms around her stomach, she felt the overwhelming emotions storm up inside her, raging against her chest, in her throat.



Anger, pain, humiliation, panic, hurt, shame-they all gripped at her, wrapping themselves around her mind. She felt her breathing quicken; felt the startings of a panic attack. She wrestled with her bag, zipping it open and frantically pulled out the little brown bottle of Rescue Remedy. Discarding the dropper she poured half of it into her mouth, holding it under her tongue.



She sat, the only sound reaching her ears that of her harsh breathing. Images flashed before her eyes, her eyelids flickering as though she was atually seeing them. Images of shame.



Of her telling Libby the one thing she'd held secret. Of the girls' eyes widening, taking it in. Of her disgusted look. Of her stuttering out an excuse to leave.



Of walking into school and being stared at. Whispered about. Of reaching her locker and seeing 'DYKE' scrawled across it in red paint.



Her hands shook as she bought the bottle back to her lips, taking more in. Trying to focus her speeded breathing; trying to quell the flood of emotions.



She felt shame and guilt sneak inside her, wriggling themselves into her mind and mocking her. She was disgusting, a dirty dyke, just like the bitch Haley had hissed at her in the hallway as she'd rushed into the toilets. She’d always known, deep down, that no one would accept it, accept her.



Her breathing was getting faster, her head starting to spin. She bought the bottle back up to her lips, tipping it up and receiving nothing. She glared at it, then threw it against the wall in frustration and felt shards of broken glass hit her face.



Trying to gulp in air, she felt tears of shame decorate her cheeks.



God, she deserved this.



She felt herself choke at that, felt the shock at her own thoughts. She didn’t deserve this! She wasn't disgusting. What she'd shared with Bella over the summer holidays was anything but disgusting.



Hell, it had been beautiful.



She felt her hands ease from grasping the material of her pants, felt her choking breathing slow, her head stop spinning.



Bella and her had been special, powerful, amazing...never dirty or disgusting.



She felt her chest moving at an almost normal speed, felt her shame slip away. She should never be ashamed of who she was.



Taking one last, deep breath, she stood, picked up her bag and braced her hand at the cubicle door. Before turning the lock and stepping out, she felt one strong thought enter her head,



"Damn right I'm a dyke."







END

I’m a vegetarian and have been for 11 years. I eat when I’m hungry. And if I want desert, I’ll have frickin’ dessert!" -Amber

Amen to that!

Edited by: gabbles  at: 4/13/05 7:28 pm

Bell- I love you! Lol...talk about ego/self esteem boost. I love your writing too dude, keep it up....I'm sorry it took so long to get a new one up...life has decided I don't need to have time for anything outside school at the moment Will try write more though!! Thanks so much for the positive words!



*hugz*

~Gabs

PS Hope you liked the new one....

I’m a vegetarian and have been for 11 years. I eat when I’m hungry. And if I want desert, I’ll have frickin’ dessert!" -Amber

Amen to that!

awwwwh! no worries, i only say the things i say because they're true, there's just something about the way you write, i always connect with it. Maybe coz we're both aussies hey?



OH! OH! i was going to send u ANOTHER email of harrassment but then i was like 'woah.. ease up there turbo! what if she's having a life crisis or somethin?!?!!' so i didnt lol. BUT! lemme officially start this off by saying:





THANKYOOOOU!!!



i meaN! i wait and i wait and i wait, and pfft! STILL no update! and THEN on a REALLY REALLY bad day *grins* U UPDATE! psychic dammit!



Second, you've definately kept up standards with this piece of writing, it's just.. woah.. i've read it a few times and each time just hits me closer to home than the last, little details you add about the character, they really make her real and my heart goes out to her. See! control over my heart *shakes fist* daaaaammn uuuu!





Now this:



Only then did she allow the sobs to escape her throat. She muffled them against her arm, stifling even this small act of pain. She felt the tears slowly slide against her cheeks, tasted the salt on her lips, heard the choking sobs she made-she sensed all this, and felt shame rise like bile within her.





this, is a truly exceptional paragraph. It's so emotive.. you literally feel like crying after reading it, i just wanna find this poor girl and give her a great big hug dammit! lol



and woah! this is getting waaaay too long lol, i've got a real bad habit of doing that.. blarrk! okay, i'm goin 2 do my religion essay now, thanks again for updating *grins*



awesome work as usual, lets face it lol, you're just talented!! byyye for now!



*scampers away*





- Belli





PS: Bella? is there sum chick out there who spent the summer with my similarly named twin?! lol ah well! *grins* nice use of name! like that name! mwahaha! okay leaving now.. *bounces*





PPS: dont REALLY worry about the delays lol, school is giving my arse a good kicking too, so just focus on schoolness, itsa important dammit!

..out of the doubt that fills my mind i'll somehow find

you and i collide...

Hi Gabs..I've just read all of your stuff and it's amazing, I especially love the last one..that struck home to me . Love sam xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

Bellie: You sure know how to make a girl blush! And go us Aussies! (had to put that in;)) Emails of harrassment aren't minded....they can kick me into gear-and I need that a lot, lol. Thank you so much for the feedback...like, wow. <---me Bella/Belle...wow, that name just entered my head. Thats cool! lol. Thanks so much again...I'll try write some more soon...I'm actually working on a novel type thing at the moment...hopefully that'll come together.

Sam: wow, thanks hun. And thanks for leaving feedback, its great to know you enjoyed it so much. Will write more soon!



This peice was kind of dedicated to two of my closest friends, who are so in love and have been getting some nasty stuff said to them by ignorant people...

*hugz*
~Gabs

_________________
A spirit is a special thing...it can never truly be broken, and never, ever be tamed. The most calmed spirits out there, hold a wild edge to them...for they are the very essence of a person, and every person is capeable of anything.

Hey all-here's something short. Will be adding something longer soon:)


Title: Feelings

Author: Gabbles

Rating: PG-13 (mature themes-or, I guess it's mainly just kinda heavy.)

Disclaimer: Umm...all mine, I guess. Blame the babblynes that is my mind 24/7

Distribution: Umm...this is mine...if you really wanna use it, let me know etc.




No One Sees


She stands, intense green eyes focused beyond the horizon, beyond anything; gazing deeply into nothingness. The wind whips her honey colored hair around her face, long tendrils dancing in the freezing air. It causes her long skirt to billow and sway as it wraps itself around her legs. It sends her scarf fluttering behind her, a long wave of vibrant red.

She notices none of this.

She's wrapped up in all else; her life, her sorrows, her pain. Wrapped up in it all, and if she's not careful, she’ll find herself smothered by it. Her face, usually so well practiced at hiding her true emotions, seems broken and is leaking evidence of her pain to the world.

The tears that run down her cheeks, the furrow between her brow, the frown on her pale lips, the way her eyes stare at nothing and everything, the absolutely heart breaking beauty of her features all tell the truth.

She hurts, and feels it's all beyond help.

Her face is ashen in the night, the sprinkling of freckles along her nose standing out starkly as the tears on her cheeks glisten in the moonlight. She shivers, the only outward sign that she can feel the cold, as she stands, arms loose at her sides, even as she craves protection from the harshness of the world. Her shoulders are hunched; she's pushed into herself, wanting to be invisible.

And she is.

No one sees this lonely, sad little girl standing at the top of her tall building. No one sees her miserable beauty, the stars that shine clearly above her head; the tears that still trail down her cheeks unchecked, the long hair whipping around her head. No one sees the vibrant red of her scarf fluttering behind her, the black material of her skirt wrapped around her legs. No one sees as she steps forward, taking herself over the edge to end it all, her eyes blinking into focus one last time.

No one ever sees.




END

_________________
A spirit is a special thing...it can never truly be broken, and never, ever be tamed. The most calmed spirits out there, hold a wild edge to them...for they are the very essence of a person, and every person is capeable of anything.

Hey gabbles

Your writing is absolutely beautiful.
I especially love the first story.

Hope there'll be more soon!


cherie`

Cherie: Thank you so very much for your feeback:) Well, there wasn't more 'soon' exactly, but there is now:D Hope that suffices Thanks!

Title: Sometimes

Author: Gabbles

Rating: PG, with an S for some sadness

Disclaimer: Umm...all mine, I guess. Blame the babblynes that is my mind 24/7

Distribution: Umm...this is mine...if you really wanna use it, let me know etc.




Sometimes I dream.

Sometimes they’re simple, sometimes they’re long and torturous. Her hair falls around her in waves, her eyes are bright through the gloom. She’ll giggle and I’ll feel my heart fill with so much love I’m sure it’s going to burst.

And then a sadness so deep I’m sure it’s all that I have in me.

One time, we were at the beach. The waves were loud and fierce, the wind strong enough to urge the spray onto our faces. Gulls had long given up trying to fly and instead were nestled haphazardly on the sand, their feathers ruffling in the wind. She was standing ankle deep in the churning water, her honey hair a cloud around her head. Her skirt whipped at her legs and as I stood several metres behind her, a few strains of her singing reached my ears before being lashed away by the wind. I tried to reach my hand to touch her, feel the warmth of her skin, to smell the ocean on her. My hands were frozen by my side, held firm by some force unseen. She turned her face to look at me, a wide smile on her face. Lips parted and formed words, words I couldn’t understand nor hear. I called to her to tell me again, to please talk to me, and she giggled, walking further into her the water. It washed at her calves, her knees, her thighs. Waves started to pull at her and she lifted her arms and then was gone.

And I stood on the sand, unable to do anything.

As always when I dream, I wake.

I wake in such a frenzied kicking of legs, with a scream so piercing on my lips it hurts even my own ears. And I always wake confused, not having realized I’d fallen asleep. My body will ache and my eyes will fight staying open, the lack of any real sleep in the last few weeks tugging at my lids.

Yet my brain will buzz, pain racing through it to keep me awake for days afterwards.
***
Nights, obviously, are the worst. I ache to have the warmth of her in my arms, the smell of her hair in my face. The house will settle around me, until all that remains is silence. Did you know that three in the morning is probably the most silent time?

At that point the chances of hearing a car in this area is nil, the birds are several hours from waking, no cleaning crews or rubbish trucks are out. There’s just a screaming silence; one so loud it hurts.

Days are, no matter what is going on, filled with something. Regardless of what is occurring in a life, things still have to be done that you barely even thought about before. Bills, cleaning, washing; reassuring people that no, I’m not getting too skinny, yes, of course I’m holding up, no, there’s no need to come round, I’m busy.

I’m busy.
***
Sometimes I’ll turn the corner of the hallway to enter the lounge room, and her laughter will echo up around me so sure and strong I could swear she was sitting on the couch, wrapped in a blanket to fight of the winters cold, hands wrapped around a mug of hot chocolate.

Only, she’s been gone since before winter started.

Sometimes, I’ll be in the supermarket or the train station or wherever I happen to be, trying to ignore the sympathetic looks that are everywhere, and I’ll see a blonde head in from of me, the size and shape of her real and fitting. My body will pause, my insides screaming with the urge to run forward.

Yet then, the one ahead will turn or speak, and I’ll discover that no, it’s not her, nowhere near enough to be her.

Sometimes, I’ll be doing something mundane, or just talking with a friend, and I’ll smile, amused for one second, and I almost forget, for in that moment it becomes buried in my subconscious. Then before I can even blink, it rushes back in and I’m overcome with guilt so deep I swear I’m going to be sick with it. My eyes will fill, my throat will close, and my vision will blur and I’ll forget everything but that one truth: She’s not here, she’s gone.

My God, she’s gone.
***
Kennington Times June 12th, 2007

The statewide search for kindergartner
Grace Lane has been called off today
due to lack of any leads.

The three year old, who’s forth birthday
was just five days off the day she
disappeared, went missing on May 24th
of this year from her kindergarten in
Moreley. Reported to police at 12.35 pm,
it is believed that while minders were
preoccupied with the midday meal, she
was taken from the school’s playground.

There have been several alleged sightings
of the youth since her disappearance, yet
none have led to the discovery of her
whereabouts. Her mother, Asha Lane,
has made several pleadings with the forces
involved in the search to continue their effors,
but so far with no luck. However, she
continues, with support of local community,
friends and family to search on her own,
ignoring advice from authorities that the
chances of finding her daughter are low.

Serious allegations are being made against
the education board and a turnover of staff
and policies within schools is currently
occurring.

If you have any information to help with the
finding of Grace Lane, please call local police
immediately.










END




Any feedback is hugely appreciated

_________________
A spirit is a special thing...it can never truly be broken, and never, ever be tamed. The most calmed spirits out there, hold a wild edge to them...for they are the very essence of a person, and every person is capeable of anything.

Great writing.