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Working Title: Line in the Snow Author: Patches Rating: NC17 – language, explicit sex (starting here) Disclaimer: An original work of fiction – all rights reserved. Distribution: Written for Inward Eye, but if you’d like to copy elsewhere, please e-mail me first. Feedback: This story did not have a beta reader, so if there's anything you'd like to suggest by way of improvements, I am certainly all ears. BTW, I start a basic grammar course next week, so you needn't call the grammar patrol just yet. However, I am _always_ interested in constructive criticism Summary: This is where NC 17 starts. Posting Schedule: Chapter 5 should be ready Monday or Tuesday. Thanks for reading Cheers!! Patches Sammi, have I said I love you?? Thanks for the kind words. I am most insecure about writing what people like to read. And, without further ado, Chapter 4Later, after Katlyn emerged from the shower, we fixed a snack and relaxed on the foam mattress she’d laid out in front of the fire. There were two sticks, a bottle of unopened wine and a bag of still sealed marshmallows lying beside the fireplace. Neither of us said anything of consequence, we didn’t have to. Somehow, we found a space within ourselves that welcomed comfortable silence. I had trouble meeting her gaze, but when I did, she smiled. Only once did I catch her unconsciously biting the corner of her bottom lip. The only indication that she was probably as nervous as I was; it was also something she did when about to make a decision. “Cold?” she asked. “A little,” I replied. She added more wood to the fire. I leaned back on my elbows and stared vacantly at the ceiling listening contentedly to the pop and crackle of the fire, but I could feel her sitting beside me, watching me. Seeing me dressed after her shower, she’d discretely changed into track pants and a warm, smoky grey long sleeve flannel shirt. The colour brought out the grey in her eyes, enchanting me while the glow from the fire set the porcelain pale of her skin and my heart alight. “Hey Ari,” whispered Katlyn. “Ya,” I turned, resting on one elbow. There was no mistaking the look in her eyes, or mine. The wolf had finally caught me. “Happy Birthday.” She leaned toward me. Her lips brushed against mine and my body lit up. “Katie,” I hesitated. Her arm slipped around my waist pulling me close as she stretched languorously beside me. My mind reeled. “Happy Birthday.” Her lips covered mine with butterfly kisses. I looked in her eyes, searching. There was no bite, no barbwire, no ridicule. “Happy Birthday, sweet Ari,” she whispered again. Our bodies touched, everywhere. With a gentle press against my shoulder I rolled onto my back, she followed and lay on top of me, gently nibbling my ear and throat before capturing my lips for a lingering, sweet kiss of promise. I could hear the argument against what we were doing, what we were about to do, slowly disappear. In it’s place was the need I had fought against for so many years. I returned her kiss with reverence, afraid, not wanting to take or presume too much. I’d waited; no, we’d waited a very long time to reach this space, time and trust. Slowly, her hands worked my body, touching, teasing, playing me through my clothes. Fire doesn’t come close to describing the emotional inferno she unleashed in me; want, need, healing. She shifted, her leg pushed between mine and she kneaded me provocatively with her strong thighs. I wrapped my ankle around hers, locking her body tight to mine, relishing the teasing friction our bodies created as we moved together. My hands were shaking, not from cold, but from raw emotion. The emotion she’d brought to the surface earlier, the swirling, dizzying feeling her closeness aroused in me. My fingers weaved through her hair, massaging the back of her neck and shoulders, squeezing the tight muscle under her soft skin in places my lips longed to follow. Her breathing changed, she, we were losing control. I felt the heat of her body, its hardness as she pressed against me, awakening feelings beyond hurt and anger. I was too exhausted to fight her. I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to be stone; I didn’t want to be cold. I wanted her to touch me, hold me, caress me, to be inside me and make me forget. Katlyn smiled and kissed me, deep, penetrating, as she sculpted her body into mine and slid her cold hand down my stomach. I had to bite my lip to stop myself from crying out when she started massaging my clit, pressing two fingers on either side and pushing down into me then back up, slowly, making my body dance as she moved. My body responded, as it never had before, as I never thought it would. She was touching me, making me wet, making me want her touch. My hands began to tug at her clothing.
She slid her other hand under my shirt capturing my hardened nipple. Her cold fingers against my burning flesh snapped me back to reality - one last line of defence,
“Not right. Shayla.”
“Who do you think set this whole thing up?”
I froze in her embrace. “Damn it!” I turned my face away from her before she could kiss me again. “Get off me. I’ve already been fucked by you once – isn’t that enough for one lifetime.” I felt my whole body tense, my jaw clinched.
“Ari stop, please. No more,” she didn’t move.
“NO. I won’t be manipulated. Not again.”
“It’s not like that. It’s not what you’re thinking. I just...,” she shook her head, at a loss for words. “What do I have to do? Ari, how can you not know? God, I’ve seen you watching me. I feel you before you enter a room. Space, if I put any more distance between us I’ll have to take a room on the fucking Space Station. I don’t understand. How can you just shut down like this? Why are you so cold, so remote?” Her face was inches from mine, though the distance that separated us was cavernous.
My body shut down, old walls rebuilding. I couldn’t forget what she did to me. I also couldn’t forget what I didn’t remember; it was there as it had always been, shutting me down, turning fear into anger. Somehow the two fused together, acid cold froze my body, froze the heat she’d kindled in me.
“What do you want from me, Katlyn?”
“I want you to talk to me.”
“We’re talking.”
“No, we’re not. We’re, I don’t know what we’re doing Ari.”
Katlyn’s body was shaking. Frustration I thought and then I saw the tears and felt her hurt. But I couldn’t let go - I couldn’t forget, and I wouldn’t forgive.
“Why do you think, Katlyn?” I said, answering her original question. Her hand was still inside me.
“Ari, I...” Her words tumbled out, edged with anger, “Christ, it was just a fucking prank, okay. Look, I figured you’d get pissed, and catch up to me later and we would have it out, one way or the other. I waited for you at the next site. I was worried when you didn’t show up after the second day. When I doubled back to our campsite you weren’t there. I tried to follow, but lost your trail in the rain. I couldn’t find you and I was terrified. I had to leave. I had to go for help. Yes, I wanted to punish you, to make you realize... to make you realize you needed me. It was stupid, childish, but I swear to god Ari, I never meant to hurt you. You weren’t supposed to get hurt. I-”
I could feel the tears forming in her eyes, flowing down her cheeks and dripping on mine but none of that mattered, at least not to me and not now. I wanted to lash out, to say the things I’d held inside all these years. I wanted to hurt her, and no sense or reason would stop me.
“You what. You left me in the bush. You pulled us off the trail and left me alone in the middle of nowhere. You took fucking everything, Katie. Seven days in the pissing rain, then snow, with nothing. I waited, freezing my ass off – literally, wondering what I’d done to you to make you want to destroy my life, to destroy me.”
“I was mad at you, Ari. I was hurt and wanted to get you back – the flirting, innuendo, that damned push me, pull me game you played made me crazy and I took off with whatever supplies I could carry. What the fuck did you expect me to do? Just sit there and take it like your other ... your other play toys. I wasn’t going to be another notch, or a pathetic little puppy sniffing your crotch, begging for attention. I’m better than that, and quite frankly, Ari, so are you!”
The truth of her words stung me.
“Katie, don’t you understand? You took it all,” I said the words before thinking.
“Look, I’m sorry. You’ll never know. I didn’t mean … how the hell did I know … I didn’t know you’d get lost. I never wanted to hurt you, not like that.” Her voice built in an anguished crescendo. She slid away from me then sat up, knees tight to her chest and her face buried in her hands.
“You didn’t know.” I sat up and faced her. “How could you not, with your ‘go west instead of east - upriver instead of downriver,’ side trips; taking me places I know no human set foot in the past thousand years? I didn’t know where the fuck we were, even with a map and compass I was lost, but I didn’t care because I was with you. I was...” I felt my heart racing, my voice quivered and broke and I fought the tears with every ounce of strength I had. “I trusted you, Katie. I’ve never trusted anyone - ever. Do you know how that feels, to be so afraid, to never let anyone in and then finally, finally you do. I trusted you with everything I had, with...” I did not say with my heart, though my eyes spoke the words my mouth would not utter. “How can I not know? Christ Katie how could you not!”
Ari, I,” she stopped.
I turned toward her and she saw the pain in my eyes. A torment that went deeper than the scars on my body.
Her voice, impossibly quiet when the real meaning of my words sunk in, continued, “Oh my god! I - didn’t - know. That explains so much. Ari, god, I’m so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, not like that.”
I lay on my back and stared at the ceiling, following the interlaced wood patterns swirling crazily overhead. I knew she meant it. How many times had she apologized, in how many ways and for how long? I sighed and stood up. Being this near her stirred too many conflicting emotions. I ran my fingers through my hair and stared at the fire, looking for an answer to her pain, to our pain. I turned back to her.
She looked at me. I could see the hurt in her eyes and underneath more, so much more, her pain, anguish, and still, despite what I threw at her, desire. The desire that been there since we were teenagers; it smouldered, like molten rock in the belly of the earth, surging, shifting, looking for a release from the relentless pressure, building to the moment of eruption.
The anger ebbed and my own tears fell unchecked, somehow, impossibly feeding desire; the pain and need in her eyes, in her body, moved me. I took her outstretched hand and she pulled me close. She was right, but I was the one who was out in space, out of touch. I made a life of playing with women’s bodies, dishing out corporal punishment, recharging their batteries, fixing relationships, all the while remaining stone cold. It was all cold and clinical. It was what I’d done to replace need and want. To replace this.
She kissed me, her lips soft and gentle. I was open, open and defenceless. Fear gripped me. I froze as her hands swept over my body.
“Katie,” I whispered turning my head away.
“What does it take?”
“I can’t.”
“GOD Ari, of course you can. I can feel you.” Her hand slipped inside my pants, her fingers slid easily between my lips, making me gasp. She pushed my shirt up and kissed my breasts. I arched involuntarily, my mind desperately trying to control my traitorous body.
“Let me inside you. Let go Ari.” Her fingers lightly circled me, her touch soft and gentle.
“No Katie, I can’t, I don’t know how. A couple of kisses doesn’t change anything,” I said to cover the real reason I was afraid of her touch. I pulled her hand away from me, but did not let go. I wanted her so much. I just didn’t know now to get past it all.
“I don’t want to change anything, I can’t. That was the past. This is the present, Ari.”
“I know. I just can’t,” I whispered, fighting back tears, battling the turbulent emotions she’d roused in me. Battling memories I wasn’t even sure were real or nightmare. I didn’t know how to reach beyond the pain that went deeper than a hiking trip gone awry.
“Well I can.”
Katlyn pulled me closer. My body wanted, but my mind rebelled. I stiffened in her embrace, frozen by fear. Gone was the façade, the other shell I’d hidden behind for so long. I’d never let anyone touch me, I was too afraid. Katlyn read the fear in my eyes and held me tighter.
“They’ll be here tomorrow. They don’t have to know. I swear Ari, I won’t say anything, but please god, just let me hold you, let me touch you; be with me Ari, let me in tonight, now. End the war between us so we can both heal.”
She put her hand to my lips to silence my retort. I could see the glistening sheen on them, the subtle smell of my own juice, the taste as she pressed them against my mouth.
“I ... I,” I wanted to say no; I pushed feebly at her, fighting to stem the emotional torrent that threatened to drown me.
“Ari, please,” tears streamed down her cheeks, her body shook with sobs, with unfulfilled desire, “Take me.” She said nothing else to me; she just looked at me with a hunger I couldn’t deny.
I pulled her to me and kissed her hard. She opened her lips and welcomed me inside with a thirst and passion that drove me outside my senses. My hands moved as if they had a mind of their own, pulling away her clothing, tearing what wouldn’t yield. I was frantic to possess her. No longer thinking about what I was doing, my body reacted to hers. Taking the cues from her, my hands interpreting what my mind could not – unconditional surrender. Surrender to me. Her body pinned under mine, I entered her, fingers swirling and circling like the patterns on the ceiling. She drove her hips against me, pushing me deeper into her, pushing her swollen hard clit against my palm. I pulled out, teasing her. She thrashed under me. Her hand went to her mouth to stifle her cries. I grabbed it away and pinned it beside her head, instead covering her mouth with mine. I rubbed my body roughly against her naked breast. Her hand searched for mine, coaxing it to go inside her again. I ignored her silent plea and crushed my weight down on her, then took her hand and joined it with the other one stretched above her head. I tasted the salt from her tears, and hesitated.
“Ari, please,” she whispered, “please.”
My mind swirled. I didn’t want to use her; I didn’t want to possess her. I couldn’t, not in this way. I didn’t want our past or my present to destroy our future.
Katlyn pushed her body against mine, insistent in her need.
I couldn’t hurt her.
“Ari, for god’s sake, FINISH.”
I released her hands and gently wiped and kissed the tears from her face. There was so much between us and I didn’t want, I couldn’t continue like this.
She pushed against my shoulders, trying to push me down her body. My gentle touches only tormented her more.
“Taste me Ari. I want your mouth on me. I want your hands on me, in me.”
I felt her passion driving us. I wanted her. I’d always wanted her; I just never thought I’d deserved her love, until now. I knew she didn’t care about the past, about my past. Of all people, she was the only one who loved me, without reservation. I had a lot to make up for, starting now. Giving away the useless anger of the past, I quickly pulled my shirt and pants off and lay naked against her, marvelling at the warmth of her skin against mine.
I kissed her again with tenderness. My hand slid to where her body commanded my soul go. Gently I parted her swollen lips and I entered her with the same reverence with which I’d kissed her earlier. I loved the feeling of the soft folds of her skin enveloping my probing fingers. It was warm, wet and wonderfully welcoming. I explored her by separating my fingers, playing top and bottom, side to side, front and back. Easing her open, she took more of me and I massaged her inside, slowly, carefully, building her, changing tempo with her heightened responses. My fingers came together and curled, flexing and extending inside her. I could feel her pooling wetness in my hand.
I ended the kiss and sat up, straddling her leg, keeping my hand inside her, gently pushing deeper as she opened to me. My other hand stroked her face and she opened her eyes and smiled at me. “Katie, you are so beautiful.” Her grey eyes glinted in the light of the fire, the red hue and warmth of the fire washed over us. She took my hand and kissed my fingers, then let her fingers trail down my body, resting on my breasts, teasing me when she dragged her nails across my stomach. She sat up, wrapping her arms around me and buried her face in my neck, kissing and biting her way across my collarbone. Her hips rocked back and forth on my hand. I felt her nails and fingers digging into my back, her breath coming in short pants. I leaned in and kissed her throat. I felt her leg slicken as I rocked gently against her thigh, trying desperately to control my own arousal, to delay gratification. I wanted release to come from her touch.
“Ari,” she whispered.
My free hand massaged her exposed breasts playing with her hardened nipples, then gently trailed lower, teasing her, playing with her, stroking her clit to arouse but not to orgasm. I wanted to taste her as she came. I pressed against her, gently pushing her down underneath me. She easily took my weight and I slid my body lower, manoeuvring my legs inside of hers, spreading her open. I leaned forward, my mouth travelling the same path as my hand until it came to rest and I tasted the delectable libation her body offered me. I circled my mouth around her, pressing my chin against her and slid my tongue with maddening slowness across her clit, my hand deep inside her, curling and swirling around, in and out. I revelled in the gift she gave me. I felt her legs wrap around me, urging me to accept her surrender.
I could hear her sobs and feel her body tremble as I moved, as my tongue moved over her, licking and kissing in rhythm with my hands. I could feel her body tighten and I increased my pace. As she came, I took her in my mouth sucking hard, pounding my tongue across her clit wanting to connect as much of me with her as I could. She cried out, her body twisted under me, driving my hand deep inside. Feeling her constrict and shudder around me, I looked up and watched her body arch, felt her hands searching for me. I reached up and grasped her hand, fingers interlaced with mine, pulling me into her. I smiled as I felt her body flow past frenzy and slowly pulse around me. I could feel my body pulsating, the juice oozing from my body.
I lay there between her legs crying, gently kissing her and caressing her, to soothe and to turn surrender into resolution. I kissed my way up her body and lay contentedly in her arms. We were both crying. There was a silence between us, a calm serene like the snowy mountain woods that surrounded us.
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You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned
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