The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

General Chat  || Kitten  || WaV  || Pens  || Mi2  || GMP  || TiE  || FAQ  || Feed - The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe

All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ]



Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 
Author Message
 Post subject: My Soul to Take - Fantasy
PostPosted: Wed Nov 24, 2004 8:29 pm 
Hey all! I know I'm a big loser with a million different projects going on, but this one just jumped on me and I can't shake it. So, here goes nothing. This first part is just some information that I felt like sharing through my characters.



My Soul to Take



Disclaimer: All bits of this story are original and mine. Any resemblence...blah blah blah...



Warning: Violence, blah blah blah....



Here we go!!!



Lorelei

I was young when I discovered the difference between my sister and myself. She was born to rule, being our mother’s eldest offspring, and I was born as insurance. Our mother, Queen Cathador IX of the Hidden Ones, had many children to ensure the Royal bloodline would continue. I was but two of eight Daughters when she was murdered, along with my elder sister Cathador X, heir to the throne of the Hidden Ones. This left me to reign, seeing as I was the eldest after my sister.



I was not wiser than my sister, Cathador, nor was I prettier. Anything I did was neither overshadowed by her accomplishments, nor surpassed her deeds. Even so, I was our mother’s favorite. At night, Mother would take me to bed with her and instead of my nurse brushing out my pale hair, she would take her time and talk to me. She would ask me questions and I would give the only answer I knew how to give to my mother, the truth.



I was never punished when I was naughty and stole more sweets from the palace kitchen like my younger sisters were because when asked by our mother, they would deny their sin and I would admit it. Until the time my mother and sister were murdered, I was the only Daughter that was allowed outside of The Colony. I was the chosen Daughter that traveled to the Starwalker city of Galahan with our mother for the yearly trade mission.



The year that mother announced that Cathador would be joining her on the trip to Galahan, I went on a rampage. I destroyed many precious items in my possession and even startled my youngest sister Isador to tears. I could not imagine what I had done to deserve such a fate. I could not imagine being passed over in favor of my mother’s eyes.



Later that night, as I lie exhausted from my fit, my nurse told me, “Lorelei, you mother, Our Great Queen is ill. Your sister, princess Cathador, is traveling to Galahan to learn how to trade with the barbarian Starwalkers.”



I could not comprehend what the nurse had told me. “How is she ill?” I waited patiently for an answer, but none would come. It would not be until later I would understand what my nurse had told me. My mother was growing old before her time, and having pains behind her eyes that caused great fits of thrashing and vomiting.



Cathador was about to become Great Queen of the Hidden Ones. She was about to rule not only our Colony, but every colony. I finally understood why Cathador was going to Galahan with our mother. It was because this was the last year our mother was going to Galahan. My only regret is not telling Cathador that I forgave her before she left with our mother.



I kissed my mother’s cheek and told her I would keep Isador and Evanya out of trouble whilst she was gone, but said not one word to Cathador. The sleep time before the next Daystar rising I awoke from a terrible dream of the assassination of Cathador and our mother shrieking something awful. The priests attended me and told me to hold my tongue, and I was a silly girl who had a night terror that could not be true.



My night terror was true, however. Cathador and our mother were crucified in the Town Square of Galahan by decree of the Royal King Mikhail III. The king of the Starwalkers wanted The Colony’s diamonds and water supply without having to pay tribute of slaves and food. His idea for overpowering the Hidden One’s was by destroying two of our highest leaders, leaving our government in shambles.



They did not calculate me into the equation because I was the Second-Born, and not worth any trouble. They were wrong. It is now our fifth starpassing at war, and the Starwalkers are becoming thirsty. My men brought the high princess Tillatonka of Galahan to the Colony shortly after the Royal deaths, and she is kept in my chambers. I was furious when I learned how she came to stay with us in the mountains. My men were sorely punished for plucking Tillatonka from her home when she was an innocent of this war.



However, I could not return the princess to her land and kept her as my own. She is not a slave like the other Starwalkers we have received from this war, but she is my pet. I allow her as much freedom as I can give her, and try to be as reasonable as I can with her. She is after all, held against her will. No matter how hard I try however, she is sullen and angry. If she were not of Royal blood, I would mistake her for a feral creature without language or reason. She even tried to bite me when I attempted to doctor her cheek where the men had damaged her.



She will come around.







Tillatonka



I miss the Daystars when I’m alone here in the mountains. Every light here is artificial and cold, not at all like the warmth and beauty of the Daystars. It’s not so bad if I’m with someone. I’m kept comfortable here in the mountains, even though I am a captive prisoner of this hateful war. Lorelei is more than nice to me when I see her. She brings me delightful things to keep my time occupied and the little one, Isador teaches me how to play with them.



Isador and I are quickly becoming thick as thieves, she reminds me so much of my own sister back in Galahan. Everything I need to know about the palace, or the Queen Lorelei herself, Isador can tell me and does. She is wise beyond her six seasons and entertains me with stories of her and Lorelei when Cathador XI was still reigning Queen.



It warms my heart to think that Lorelei was not so troubled with night terrors as she is now, and to learn that Lorelei can laugh. I have often heard her say things to Isador in love and compassion and wonder if she is that way with everyone, or just the child. I wonder if she could be like that with me.



I’m sure she could. I know she has tried for so long to be my companion, not just my master. Not once has she expressed that my role in the palace is one of servitude. I am a guest here, she explains to me daily and if I need anything the palace servants are to wait on me. I have my own room in her apartments, with my own washing basin and reliving chamber. She brings me the most interesting and rare food items, and the most beautiful flora the mountain has to offer, but I can’t bring myself to speak to her, yet.



I sat beside the throne and watched The Queen Cathador and her Daughter burn. It was the most horrifying experience of my life, but I could not tear my eyes away from their pain. My father had them nailed to the Town Square and when the Daystars rose from beyond the horizon, they writhed in agony. I tried to run to them; I tried to stop it from happening, but Father’s men stopped me. The guard captain backhanded me, and the mark still lies upon my cheek.



Lorelei tried to mend it, thinking it to be one of her men’s doing. It is my only mark of humanity after witnessing the assassination, I could not let her take it from me. The plants Lorelei had would heal it in record time, but without them my wound will stay open. Unlike the Hidden Ones, Starwalkers need the Daystars to heal. Until I’m allowed to visit the Daystars, I will have this mark upon my cheek. Sadly, it looks like I will never see the Daystars again. Woe is me! Mikhail, my brother is as stubborn as my Father was, and I fear this war will go on forever.



Sometimes I get so homesick, living here in this darkened mountain. I miss the flowers of the field and watching as the Daystars met the sea of sand. Then there are moments where I am perfectly content to be here, among the Hidden Ones. At home I was a possession to be traded, and here I am treated like the Princess I am. There is so much to learn here and many new things to do. Some of the time, I feel I’d rather stay here than return to Galahan.



It is hard to figure out what I want. I think, want I want most, is forgiveness from the one person I do not deserve it from. Lorelei.



Only time will tell what is going to happen with this war. With everything… For now, I have all the time in the world.







*********

Jessica



Adia I'm empty since you left me...



Top
  
 
 Post subject: Re: My Soul to Take - Fantasy
PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 12:48 pm 
A good start. Strong characters, lots of potential conflict, a fairly tight history and setting... I like.



One piece of advice before you start:



Make sure that you have at least one DEFINITE ending in-mind.



That's not to say that you have to construct and follow a pre-ordained plot, just that any story where you're the complete Goddess of the universe (Author-created landscape/history) should be approached with extreme care, always looking toward the possible ending(s.) This attitude can save you a lot of frustration later. Why am I sharing this? Because you're world-building.



World-building is almost unique to speculative fiction (Fantasy/Sci-Fi.) It's also fraught with pitfalls and traps. It's easy to build a world that's bigger or more interesting than your characters. It's even easier to create a world that can't live up to its promises.



Having a definite ending (at least one) in the back of your mind will serve as a distant torch or star, helping you to navigate the mire of an imagined universe. You'll be happier writing, and readers will be much more confident that everything in the artifice has purpose, meaning, and value.



With all that babbling out of the way--



I like the power structure that you're proposing. It's flawed, just like many in human history, and that's a good grounding-point for the readers-- something familiar in the new and strange world that you're leading them into.



Your characters are strong and have very vivid voices. Again, another guy-wire to tether the reader's interest as the drift into and through the new place.



Your language leans toward the poetic. That's a great way to cast a spell of wonder and awe to the audience while maintaining the mundanity of it all for the characters. After all, they've lived there for some time already, so the only one's who should appreciate the minor wonders of that world should be the readers.



You're heading in a great direction with this. I like the way that you've chosen to share it... So eager to get the notion out, even if it's not quite ready for 'prime time.' It speaks volumes for your authorial passion.



-SQ



Top
  
 
 Post subject: Re: My Soul to Take - Fantasy
PostPosted: Thu Dec 02, 2004 6:10 pm 
I'm always intrigued when someone attempts a sci-fi setting. I agree with SQ, it's a very difficult undertaking and echo her advice. One thing I did not is that there is some discrepancy with continuity....on one hand you say that Tillatonka is sullen and angry (Lorelei's POV) but when Tillatonka speaks, none of this shows and I'm confused. Who's right?



I'm guessing that there are actually two "races", each with their own monarchy. However, it wasn't clear so I speculated a little. You launched into the war without really giving a reason for the assassination of Cathador IX and Cathador the X. Is their society actually one that women hold the positions of authority? If so, that might explain the viciousness of King Mikhail. For now though, I feel there's something missing between the two perspectives that needs some explanation, some bridge.



Overall, though, a very good start indeed. Any story that has me asking questions is guaranteed to have me coming back for more.



Cheers!

Toni :dance


Time flies by when the Devil drives.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.



Top
  
 
 Post subject: Re: My Soul to Take - Fantasy
PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2004 12:13 am 
I'm always late to the party, or maybe I just like letting SQ and Kieli do all my thinking for me (oh, did I say that??? :o).



Great start, lots of potential (see what Kieli and SQ wrote). I'm looking forward to reading more.



Cheers!!

Patches

Our wedding vows: Life Love Everlasting, Always Intertwining. - Sunday June 27, 2004 :)



Top
  
 
 Post subject: Re: My Soul to Take - Fantasy
PostPosted: Fri Dec 17, 2004 11:17 am 
I'll be adding more to this soon. The first post was just to kind of get my thought out in the open. The actual 'novel-y' type stuff will be less journal entry and more action.



I love all the input, and yes, I do have a specific ending in mind. And it is so very crazy!



Thanks for reading.

Jessica



Adia I'm empty since you left me...



Top
  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 5 posts ] 

All times are UTC - 8 hours [ DST ]


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 5 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron

W/T Love 24/7 since July 2000
Powered by phpBB © 2000, 2002, 2005, 2007 phpBB Group