The Death Sitter - A Drabble

[Kieli]

I watched a woman die today....felt her life dissolve in the palms of my hands as she held on, gripping them reflexively in her pain. I cried like a fool, a fool who thought of life, the world, as dark words on a frail page. Words that had weight beyond measure; more meaning and substance than my dull existence. Her blood slithered down the the front seats made hot and sticky by the summer sun. Precious quicksilver flowed from her body onto the oily grass beneath. I sat vigil with her in the twisted, ruined hulk of her car...watched as the brightness in her eyes turned to shadows, then darkness. My body trembled so violently that I thought my skin had become milk, soft and quavering. I breathed in her final sighs, took them into my body without knowing and my soul clenched in overwhelming sadness. I watched a woman die today and thought,



In all the days

With every breath

Your love comes to me

Winged and unfettered

I am free and heaven-bound



I turned to the paramedic kneeling beside me; her hand as light as breath on my shoulder. She was speaking to me but her words were caught in the slow, sacred movement of time. Her eyes glowed, glistened in the twilight as she gently closed the woman's unseeing ones. Her gaze met mine and she whispered "There, but for the grace of God, go we."

Time flies by when the Devil drives.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

[StrangeQuark]

Drabble, eh?



Modesty is cute and all, but this is a great piece. What a voice you assume for this; powerful, authoritative, and charged with conviction. Strong images, strong verbs, deep meaning, and resounding solemnity-- all in harmony, undulating beneath the surface. A transcendent moment described in lush, unforgettable detail. Wow. I mean, wow!



This piece reminds me why I'm struggling to write. Language can be wielded in the most touching ways... Beautiful.



-SQ

[Kieli]

Quote:

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Modesty is cute and all..

---

Well, you're responsible for that, dear. I didn't do a thing...it was your writing (and a few choice others) that's prompted me to improve or die. So...here is me trying to improve.



This was a dream, actually, that I struggled to put on paper before I lost it all (man you should actually see my handwriting!

I could barely read it myself! ) The nuance of language is often one of the things about writing that escapes me....words, phrasing and timing that I might like or want, might not lend itself to a particular story or setting. I can write short things like this....the longer stuff? Not so much. As always, your insight is appreciated

Time flies by when the Devil drives.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

[Urn of Osiris]

Toni,

this piece stirred so many emotions from my past. I've been in the place of your dream. This was so palpable. I ache with each detail. I do enjoy what you write, the long and the short of it all. Give yourself credit on this piece. It felt so real and I have held that kind of dying, and wiped the bloodied suffering from my hands.



This was wonderful. You did what great writers do. You opened up a part long hidden and made me see it with different eyes. Thanks for sharing it.

Urn of OsirisA new idea is delicate. It can be killed by a sneer or a yawn; it can be stabbed to death by a joke or worried to death by a frown on the right person's brow. Charles Brower

[onyxsundrops]

Amazingly well-done. I loved the vivid images you used to describe the scene, emotions, etc. Thanks for sharing your work with us.



Yvonne

[Kieli]

Wow I'm actually rather surprised at the response...there's more to this that I was going to add or just drabble on at some point, just for my own sake but...I guess you all like depressing stuff And why am I writing sci-fi again??



Urnie! So good to see you...I'm honoured that you stopped by. Some things, I feel, are worth examining, even though they can evoke such strong feelings. Death is, scarily enough, not a stranger to me. Which is why I found it odd that I should've been so affected by that particular one. Other stuff happened after I went to work (a similar accident happened on my way to work and this drabble is the result of my feelings during that event) and I was shook up for a long while. So I still might share that too...who knows?



onyxsundrops: Thank you for your review *deep bow* There is a reason why I write sometimes...quite simply, I'm a feedback slut. Is that bad?

Time flies by when the Devil drives.
It's not the pace of life that concerns me, it's the sudden stop at the end.

[Patches]

Keili, don't be surprised by the response to this piece. It is deeply moving. I wasn't even looking for a reson to cry, but as I read, I felt hot tears well in my eyes and slide silently down my cheeks.



Beautifu piece.



Peace!!

Patches.

Our wedding vows: Life Love Everlasting, Always Intertwining. - Sunday June 27, 2004 :)