Musings: shorts and poems

[Patches]

All work is original and for exclusive viewing on the KB.

Many thanks for reading!



Cheers!!

Patches.













Protector of Darkness



Author: Patches



This is complete. As I find courage, I'll post other material in this thread. Mods, my other thread is an ongoing story, so I hope it's okay to have two threads on the go at the same time. If there's a general thread this belongs in, please move it. Love you bunches!!



~~~~~~~~

Protector of Darkness



She surrounds me, envelopes me in a blanket of warmth, protects me. Everywhere I go, she goes before me, ensuring my safety, protecting me from harm. She lives in light and protects the darkness.



She is safe. She is comfortable and familiar. I have known her all my life, only shying away for brief periods, but always she returns to cloak me. It seems I cannot leave her. I’ve tried, but she is insistent. No matter what I do, she finds me. Ever so slowly, her presence makes itself known, and I am safe again, the darkness is safe again. She lives in light and protects the darkness.



Like a second skin, she presses herself and attaches securely to my body. The warmth surrounds me. I feel how much she wants to protect me. To never let go, to never allow harm. She is jealous, at times, but it is a price to pay. Occasionally she will share me with others, taking pleasure as I take pleasure, though she knows me as no one has, as no one can. It is a battle to let this happen, to allow others to get past her, to get to me. Her cloak is malleable and soft, it spreads around me, ebbing, flowing, shifting like shadows in the darkness, though she is the one who lives in the light. She knows everything about me. She knows more than I do. Sometimes I see, sometimes the darkness crawls screaming into the light. Relentless in torment, she lives in light and protects the darkness.



She possesses me. To her I am sacred, to be nourished and treasured. In return, I nourish and protect her. Without me, she is nothing. What am I without her? I do not know for we have never been apart. I’ve glimpsed life without my protector. She is afraid without me, or is it that I am afraid without her. Her protection is all I have ever known, insistent in her dominion over me. I cannot go anywhere without her being there with me. Silent whispers of darkness in daylight, warnings of danger, ever she clings to me for protection; whispered warnings from the daylight.



To lose her would be to lose a part of myself; I have carried her since childhood. Every pain, every ache she has borne on my behalf. Her mantel is large and heavy but I carry it, for she is my protector. She surrounds me, envelopes me in a blanket of warmth, protects me.

Everywhere I go, she goes before me, ensuring my safety, protecting me from harm. She cannot let go. I cannot let her go. We are one, intertwined, inseparable. She protects me. She controls me. She is the face the world sees. She is the façade. She is foremost. She controls. She demands I hide. She protects me. She knows what lies beneath, what she must blanket, the mind she must encase in shadows. The price must be paid. She can take it. She is strong where I am weak. It is why she exists, to protect me. Don’t you get it, as long as she is there, it cannot harm me.



She is killing me, slowly smothering me, fighting me at every turn to maintain her shroud. She must veil me, maintain her control, her dominance, to make me subservient and meek, to protect me. She will kill me to protect me. She will smother me. Her shroud will crush me in an overwhelming press of memories if she lets go. If I shake off the mantel, it will kill me, she screams. I cannot let go – it is too much. She exists only to protect me, she protects the darkness. In protecting me, she will kill me. The price must be paid. She surrounds me, envelopes me in a blanket of warmth, protects me. Everywhere I go, she goes before me, ensuring my safety, protecting me from harm, preserving the darkness.



You are another person. You are a child never grown up, you harbour the guilt and pain, hurt and anguish of a lifetime, you harbour it, and you nurture it. The blanket exists because of you. You created it, and it exists because of you. The cloak, the veil, the mantel all exists because of you. The loneliness exists because of you. The failure exists because of you. I attempt to vanquish you, yet you cling to me for life. You cannot live without me. You punish me when I try. You make me feel like I cannot survive without you. How many lies have you interspersed with the truth. How many memories are real and how many have you fostered, twisted and bent in order to justify your existence. Whispers of darkness and danger in the daylight, you wrap yourself around me for protection. Is it that you are too full to take anymore, or is it that you jealously guard what you possess. You possess my memory; you attempt to possess my soul.



Underneath the veil, I seem dim shadows. You see those shadows too, but they frighten you because underneath it is vulnerable, it can be hurt and you must protect her. It is why you were created, it is why you exist, and it is what you do. Your shadow darkens the window of my soul; you hide the woman underneath, wrapping her up, smothering the creativity, the warnings whispered in daylight, the truth held in darkness.



Slowly I shed her; molecule-by-molecule, I shed her. She fights me, demands of me her due; one more plate full; one more fork full; one more to maintain the shroud of darkness, to hide me from the light, to protect me.



I have shaken off the mantel before, almost. She clung to me the filthy blanket, the dirty tales, the child, and the blanket, the darkness protected. She lives in light and protects the darkness. She fits me like a second skin, shifts with the shadows, ever present, ever wanting, ever watchful, ever protecting. She is my mantel, she is my veil, she is my shroud, she is my protector, and she is my tormentor and my death.



She surrounds me, envelopes me in a blanket of warmth, protects me. Everywhere I go, she goes before me, ensuring my safety, protecting me from harm. She lives in light and protects the darkness.

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 3/20/05 7:13 pm

[sam darls]

Ooh..I like this..so full of emotion, and it feels so real Love sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[Patches]

Daymares from the Night:



Confined to dreams for so many years

I cared not, but cried silent tears.

All the anger that lay within,

I don’t know where to being.



Into my waking hours they crashed,

Those memories of days long past.

Always there, but buried deep,

The images of my slumber’s keep.



In dreams they came, those memories lost,

They held me captive, my soul the cost.

And then one day, I finally knew,

The dreams were my reality too.



Into my waking hours they tore,

Now I scream, please no more.

But they will not rest, those dreams of mine,

They’re in my head all of the time.



What do I do to make it go away,

What other price is there to pay.

My past has found me; it has begun,

There is no place left for me to run.



I read a book and it changed my life,

A character’s childhood laden with strife.

One little phrase and then I knew,

I was one of them too.



I’ve told no one. I’m afraid you see,

I don’t know what’s nightmare and what’s reality.

I don’t know the answer, I just write,

And hope like dreams, this fades into night.



It was so long ago it's hard to tell,

But for thirty-five years, I've lived in Hell.

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 2/11/04 5:51 pm

[FlyingPoppy]

You know, whatever you turn your hand to comes out great. Writing wise I mean. This made me want to cry, on a normal day I probably would have done but I'm on a different planet today. Consider me your loyal fan...but not in a weird stalker way or anything...

For yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision; but today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope.
It's never too late to be who you might have been.

[Patches]

Measuring Worth.



I have a cents of myself,

….. Is that what I’m worth--

Pennies from Heaven.

….. Do pennies have worth?



Because I have many pounds,

….. My lover thinks they’re Stirling--

Weighted around my waist.

….. Am I worth more?



What standard do we use,

….. How do I measure--

Paper. Gold now a glittery trinket.

….. I’m worth only paper?



It doesn’t seem like much

…..The mirror tells me more--

Scales tip in my balance.

….What am I worth,



To you?



***

Poppy, you know how to make me smile, you really do -- Thanks! But alas, I've never had my own stalker - so I must confess, I was a little disappointed . As for on a different planet - I thought I felt a wrinkle in time. I'll steal a phrase, "I am not worthy!" (appreciative, really, really, appreciative).

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 2/18/04 11:14 am

[SJ]

Your writing is great

[FlyingPoppy]

You are so worthy!



*Poppy creeps up outside Patches house and starts rummaging through her bin.*



I don't think I'll be doing that again!



Seriously though, it cheers me up so much to see that you have posted something. It's really making my life a happier place to be right now, even though what you write is not always happy. So yes, you are worthy of my praise. Everyone else has to decide for themselves, obviously, but speaking personally I cannot praise you enough. Now this is just sounding like sycophantic drivel, I don't mean it to. There's not a lot of good stuff happening to me at the moment and your writing makes me feel better, that's all I mean.

For yesterday is but a dream, and tomorrow is only a vision; but today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope.
It's never too late to be who you might have been.

[Patches]

Forgive me. My writing instructor has us reading Kafka, which given my present state of mind is likely not a good idea - lol (still begging pardons for grammar-slammer-bammers, we’re only in week 4 of 13). However, existentialism is better than nothing—or is that nihilism—or maybe that’s just hopeful thinking. So starting with the premise that the world is not a nice place, and the universe is not your friend, where the ‘effing’ hell do I go from here. It’s also 3 am, and I swear I’ve gone quite mad – I’m seeing participles dangling before my eyes, and to hideously misquote Lady MacB, better a participle than a dagger.



With appropriate apologies to all students of philosophy for butchering two philosophical disciplines…



Forgive me hope.



Red: “STOP! I say; it’s not always like this.”

Green: “Of course it is. This is the natural state of being.”

Red: “Being, as in the ‘Importance of Being Earnest?’”

Green: “No. Being, as in the ‘Unbearable Lightness of Being.’”

Red: “Oh.”



The conversation lags.



Green:         “Where do we go from here?”

Red:         “We’re not going anywhere.”

Green:         “Why the hell not?”

Red:        “Because we haven’t figure out where here is. You can’t get there, wherever there is, unless you know where you are, and that is here—wherever here is.”

Green:        “So, we’re here.”

Red:        “Yes, we’re here. But we’re still not going anywhere.”

Green:        “But we’re here.”



Another lull.



Green:        “This really, really isn’t getting us anywhere.”

Red:        “So I’ve noticed.”

Green:        “Do you want to go home?”

Red:        “Missed the whole, ‘not going anywhere bit,’ didn’t you.”

Green:        “Why don’t you want to leave?”

Red:         "Because, I don’t know where I am, I don’t know where here is.”

Green:        “Yes, you do. Here, here is the natural state of being.”

Red:         “So you said.”



A hush fills the room, an aching void. Empty chambers echoing endless thoughts and loops, signifying nothing and yet, with every breath, signifying everything.



Green:        “Aren’t you tired of this?”

Red:        “Tired of what.”

Green:        “Tired of being here.”

Red:        “But I like it here.”

Green:        “Why?”

Red:        “Because if I’m here, wherever here is, then I’m not somewhere else, wherever somewhere else is.”

Green:        “So we can’t leave until you figure out where here is, because you don’t want to be somewhere else, even thought you really don’t know where here is.”

Red:        “Exactly.”

Green:        “Let’s take out the trash.”

Red:        “You mean get rid of it?”

Green:        “That’s the general idea.”

Red:        “Oh.”



Tink, tink, – water drips, someone turned the faucet on.



Green:        “You know where here is, don’t you?”

Red:        "NO! It’s not like that – it’s not like being. I am here and here there is nothing. As long as there is nothing – there is nothing else; there is nowhere else to go, so why should I leave.”

Green:        “Don’t you want to see what’s outside the cage?”

Red:         “What cage?”

Green:         “The cage you’ve trapped us in.”

Red:        “How have I trapped us?”

Green:        “Because you don’t want to leave.”

Red:         "But I can’t leave. You said we were in a cage.”

Green:         “Is the cage expanding or contracting?”

Red:         “It’s contracting, and soon there will be nothing.”

Green:        “And when there is nothing?”

Red:         “Then there will be something.”

Green:         “And what will that something be?”

Red:         “Hope.”





Peace!!

Patches

(I only wish I could say I was stoned when I wrote this – lol)

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[SJ]

Enjoyed reading that

[Patches]

Hey Kittens,

Thank you for sharing in my madness.





~~~~



Some few couplets



The rhymes are forced,

the meter not right -

but on a cold February night...



~~~~



Upon a bed of nails my soul doth sleep

Ever mindful of the thoughts run deep



Whereupon I sat and paused to think

From the cup of life does my body drink?



From whence does this anger flow

Down deep from pits buried below



Unto the sun my face longs to gaze

Instead I’m locked within this maze.



Dark and deep the spirit soars

Anger and fear, to hide no more



I saw an angel at my bed

A sweet soft kiss placed on my head



I understood, I finally did

To where it will go the pain I bid



The nails so sharp do not break the skin

For this is naught a place to begin



Ever watchful of my grace

I see the angel by my face



Is she there to take my breath

To force my soul into my death



Then her sweet smile gives me light

To take up arms, continue my fight



One day I’ll win, I know that now

My angel holds me fast, that is how



I love you my sweet My dear My life

You wipe away the tears of strife

Into my bed you breathed me life

So I may sleep dreamless through the night





Peace!!

Patches

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[onyxsundrops]

Beautiful poem .



Yvonne

[SJ]

Wonderful writing

[Patches]

I’ve spent the whole night trying to find the words

I’ve wanted cleaver rhymes

Dynamite images

And all is

Blank.



I don’t have the words for what I’m feeling

The loneliness and the isolation of a lifetime

Inside me there’s something screaming

A hurt that didn’t go away



It lay buried deep within waiting for me

I want to put a name to it but I can’t

I can talk around it

But I can’t talk of it



So, each day I die a little inside

Each day the light dims

Day fades from my eyes

I sit and wait

Die alone in darkness

A long time ago

Little girl cried

Inside



Endless is the torment

Silent are my lips

I cannot speak

No words

Blank

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[Patches]

I see beyond the gates of hell itself

See what is locked so tight it binds my words

Beyond mere thought, I’ve lost my sense of worth

The guard that mocks and strips me of my wealth



Gates shut so tight they’re sealed with iron bars

Of this, I write to save my sanity

Hell is a place beyond reality

Itself a place so fleeting and obscure



I can’t look at the mirror any more

It reflects the hateful days of yore

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[SJ]

Wonderful poetry

[onyxsundrops]

Both poems were great, but I really liked Blank.



Yvonne

[Patches]

Yvonne, SJ, thanks - I'm learning a great many things about expression and poetry (most notably, it's a lot harder to write than prose.) Thanks for the encouragement as I learn to find my voice.





Injustice



blinded by hatred and fear

when anyone I loves comes near

I'll drive you away without a thought

a battle lost, you never fought

It's not your fault, but I don't care

I don't want you, go, get over there

Into a large box my emotions sit

I cough and gag, while walls I hit

There's nothing left at all inside

what was me has long since died

but that's a lie, she never lived

inside thick wall was where she hid

alone she sat, alone she cried

all she ever did was hide

What is the answer to this pain

what is left for me to gain

You tried so hard to make things right

buy now my life ebbs into the night

I close my eyes no more to see

what was never meant to be.

Random thoughts do plague my head

away to sleep, my soul to bed

It longs for rest, a tired quill

the answer lies with in a pill

A large drink of water beside my bed

a soft warm pillow for my head

Good night sweet prince the story goes

and so ends this life of terror and woes.



Peace!!

Patches

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[SJ]

Like the use of imagery in your poetry,great writing

[Patches]

Okay, this stuff has been a way, way, way, to dark, even for me (and that's saying a lot). I thought a change of pace might be in order. Eternity is definitely an about face. I thought I'd simplify my life a little and just work on imagery, without trying to bust my way through meter and rhyme. What do you think? - Eternity is a metaphor for love.



eta : made a couple small changes since first posting. What I'm posting here is generally unedited when it goes up, hence it's often very raw (and I haven't learned to edit without stripping the emotion from the words.) Occassionally I catch a few 'wrong' word choices (prepositions or adjective) and tweek, as I've done here (childlike for childish). Anyway, if anyone ever has suggestions for improvement, feel free to comment.



Thanks for reading

Peace!!

Patches





Eternity





Feel the breeze on your face, tendrils of dark hair wisping around you.

Feel the warm glow of the first rays of sunshine on a misty morning.

If I close my eyes, I can see you standing on the white sand beach,

Gazing contentedly over water the colour of turquoise.

Gentle waves lap at the beach and over your feet,

Your toes curled with childlike innocence in the sand.

Every inch of you, I picture and engrave forever in my mind’s eye,

The porcelain of your skin, the red flush of your cheeks,

The light that reflects off the inviting warmth of your eyes,

As you look to the rising of the sun.

And I see you are happy.

Eyes they say cannot sparkle or dance, but change with the light of dawn,

And in them, I catch a glimpse,

I see the picture, your fine form silhouetted against the

Backdrop of eternity



Slowly your lips curl into a smile,

Etching little lines in your perfect face,

You love the feel of morning on your skin

The way nature softly kisses you awake

As you watch the dawning of the sky.

In the distance, the leaves of trees rustle in the morning air.

You are encompassed and one with beauty;

Calm, serene are the hands that hold you.

The air that whispers around you,

Carrying the sweet scent of morning dew to your lips,

Drink deep with each breath of all that surrounds you,

The sharp taste of life washed away

By the cleansing waters rippling at your feet;

Come, immerse yourself, relax and be free,

Let me watch as nature caresses you,

You are beauty

And I am

Eternity

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

Edited by: Patches at: 2/27/04 1:51 pm

[sam darls]

These are so amazing, I love them all. So full of emotion. Love sammi xx

"Sometimes things happen between people that you don't really expect. And sometimes the things that are important are the ones that seem the weirdest or the most wrong. And those are the ones that change your life." - Jessie Sammler (Evan Rachel Wood)

[SJ]

Amazing writing

[onyxsundrops]

I'm so late.. anyway, great writing. Eternity really had me.



Yvonne

[Patches]

Silent Voice



So afraid, no longer know

Just what to say.

Little fears in darkness live

Sucking the life

Nothing to give



From out of nowhere

A hand appeared

To raise me up

Allay my fear



So few words for

So great a deed

My cry of pain

That you did hear



You gave met a hand

A smile, a laugh

A reason to live

When all had passed.



Thank you my friend

So silent of voice

Your words echo

And draw me close



You won’t lose me

You’ve given so much

Saved me from

The demon’s clutch



Hear my words

And know the truth

You did it Dude

You know you rule

You know I've heard about people like me. But I never made the connection. They walk one road to set them free, And find they've gone the wrong direction. But there's no need for turning back 'cause all roads lead to where I stand. And I believe I'll walk them all No matter what I may have planned

[onyxsundrops]

Amazing poem, I had to read it twice. The entire poem was great, but I think that the 4th and 2nd to the last stanza's were my fav. Thanks.



Yvonne

[SJ]

Great poetry

[Patches]

I am alone and isolated, sharp wind erodes my barren soul.

I live on a plane so empty, desolation is a comfort.



And all is gone. Pulled like the last tumbleweed,

Drifting across the empty expanse.

Here there is nothing



No thought, no words no feeling

My soul is a desert, dead sand, crushed down over the ages from rock

I am that sand, cast down, crushed and broken.



Alone



The world grows smaller, pulling in, contracting and contorting

I see nothing beyond the gate

Emptiness, isolation devastation

Empty as the desert



Empty as the desert



I would cry, but there are no tears. No water, no giver of life

Barren and empty alone in a world of disappearing emptiness



Solitude where all is death.





~~~

Peace!!

Patches

Our wedding vows: Life Love Everlasting, Always Intertwining. - Sunday June 27, 2004 :)

Edited by: Patches at: 9/22/04 9:44 pm

[Patches]

Drift – September 23, 2004 – 1:01 am





For all my life and all my love

You said you’d never leave

To wander



Day in day out broken chains and empty promises

Await me …

Slipping away, and no one to notice. It doesn’t matter



It doesn’t exist – there’s always something.



And then nothing



Duty, honour, repression and responsibility



But there is not me



I am gone, broken into top pieces so small, you don’t see them

Drift away on the shadows of despair



Poof and they are gone,



Broken images, shattered dreams. Fragments

Of what was never whole.



No pain, no point. That would be feeling

And that is gone, carried away by the world that passes me by



All that exists from moment to moment disappearing before your eyes,

Vanishing so no one will know

Little bit by little bit

Nothing consumes me, Shattered are the dreams I never had



Tic-tok goes the clock

Tic-tok tic-tok



Just one more day, and it will all be gone.





Open, but no one can see.

Eyes blinded by the rush of wind as life passes me by



No arms to hold me …

I drift away – beyond touch, beyond hope

Drift away and grow ever smaller.

Shattered pieces of a broken life

Slipping away.

Our wedding vows: Life Love Everlasting, Always Intertwining. - Sunday June 27, 2004 :)

[Renee85]

Excellent writing and I do mean excellent! I thought it your two pieces were very powerful and moving in a way, I can’t really explain it but all I know is that I enjoyed reading them.



I loved them both!

__________________

"For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul." -Judy Garland

"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever." -Mahatma Gandhi

[SJ]

Wow,great writing,liked both of those,powerful words

[onyxsundrops]

Wow, loved that. I like the way you've broken up the poem (or maybe it's how I read it)... anyway, thanks.



Yvonne