Well its been a while since I've written anything even been on this site , I've been busy with life lol .... well here are some things .. hope you like please dont be too harsh hah
love ya'll missed yous even more
Coffee with an enemy
I'm having coffee again with my enemy
sitting on the other side of the coffee cup she stares at me
looking through me
into my soul
knowing everything I never wanted to share
and everything that could one day
will one day make me fall
everyday around this time she meets me here
to stare at me
not saying a word
to scare me
not making a sound
to chill me
not moving an inch
a few moments a day
a few more walls she builds
beating on me without touching me
she reads
she looks away and reads
but I still feel her icy gaze
her frozen love
for me
I'm sitting on the other side of the coffee cup
again
wondering when this is going to end
if it is going to end
~~~~~~~
Purity
It was I who thought you write poems about what you feel
to the depths of your soul
and to the tips of your fingers
so I have written
about love
loss of love
I have written about death
being obsessed
being wanted
being needed
I have written till I can't think straight
till my fingers feel like they are pouring my hearts blood
till I can't see straight
till I can't write
not a single word more
and I have thought does it matter
I have wondered if my words have sunk into someone that isn't myself
so deep that it moves them
or makes them cry
like I have many nights
I wonder if they have read my thoughts and related
if they have a favourite and read it over and over again
and I have realised it doesn't matter
I will be here writing every thought
every feeling I have
from now until forever
even if not a single person picks them up to read
if not a single soul likes a thing I've written
I will still be here
writing , being obsessed with words
putting every thought into something so simple as a poem
writing is like feeling everything at once
its like a pianist playing his favourite song
or a baseball player playing a perfect game
It is movement without thought
it flows without stopping
and it ends when ends
It is my own truth
as purely stated as it can be ...
~~~~~~~
Rippled
I am standing here in this life that is mine
watching the rain fall down
pooling at my feet
its that time where the trees fall to pieces right before my eyes
like every other year
but this isn't every other year
remembering a time I had alone
with so many
not to long ago
when I loved without holding back
and touched as if I had never been burned
yet now I wonder how the sun can shine so bright
blindingly bright, before my eyes
how it acts as if nothing has changed
like nothing is wrong
why are the birds so happily singing
while I am here being haunted by these beautiful days
my hearts been ripped through my rib cage
strangled till I could not breathe no more
and not by one I've loved
but by many I've lost
my tears stopped flowing
so are you going to cry for me
I can see the tears behind your eyes
the slight shimmer they add to that beautiful gray
I am watching you , you know
I've always been watching you
the way you moved so freely before life got in your way
the way you felt so easily before this pain showed you who I really am
I know what it is you're feeling
I've been feeling it for a long time
I can see it in your broken eyes
I've seen it in my own every day
I can hear it in your quiet sobs
because I've laid alone under this old tree and cried till all my tears had turned me to rust
You're looking at me again
unbelieving you stare at me
like I'm not even here
tearing through me as if I'm thin paper that's standing in your way
do you understand how I hurt when I look at you
and see the pain
the lives you've lived even though you're still so young
I can tell you're crying for me now
your tears have fallen into the puddle I've been staring into for so long
they are rippling my image of you
my image of me
just like the emotions I feel
rippled
Well there you go hope they aren't too bad its been a few months since I've been able to write anything
Love April
