Hey all. Sorry I haven't been around much lately, real life has come into play for a while, but thongs should calm down by the end of this week.
Up until this point, coming out has never been an issue for me. My Dad and Step-mother have known for as long as I have, my brother and I never had secrets so he was one of the first people I told, and I've never cared what the people from school have thought. I graduated from High school this week, and have few worries about being out in college. The only person I haven't told is my Mom.
We've never been particularly close, but I've known that I need to come out to her since I was a sophomore. I've spent Mondays, Tuesdays, and every-other Friday and weekend with her since I was 10, and on top of it, I used to spend a lot of time talking without her listening. So eventually, I just gave up and stopped talking. There's a lot of stuff I can live without her knowing- that I always hated dance class even though I put up with it for 12 years, that I wake up at four in the morning and meditate, that I really wish she kept Nutella in the house- but I feel like she should really know this, probably before I go to college.
I don't really know what I'm looking for. I just needed to tell someone who understands that this is in my head, because I can't talk with my Dad about this, and my brother's younger than I am. And I love my friends, but none of them are gay, so they don't get it.

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"Thoroughbreds, both of them, right from the start. One by breeding, the other by heart." - Lines Scrawled on the Floor

I ended up coming out to my mom last month, kind of.
She came across a thing that I'd written a few months before as an attempt to lay out my thoughts and make my sexuality make sense to myself. I'd forgotten about it until she brought it up. I considered lying about it, but I have a good relationship with my mom and I decided that I didn't want to do that. We had a pretty short talk, which amounted to me telling my mom that I was probably maybe kinda gay and my mom telling me that she just wants me to be happy. I told her it wasn't something I wanted to talk about extensively with anyone, that I wanted to figure it out by myself. It went pretty well- I'm assuming she told my dad. I don't really want to ask, partly because I don't want to know and partly because I don't want to discuss it with her.
Most days I'm pretty okay with myself. My suspicions that I was gay were pretty much cemented by the huge crush I develped on a girl in my pre-cal class last year, but I still sometimes have days where I get really scared that I'm just convincing myself I'm gay for some reason. To be different or special or to justify the fact that I feel lonely. And as someone who is always looking for logical reasons for emotions, I end up chasing myself in circles over these worries 'cause it wouldn't be logical to feel gay if I wasn't gay and... well, I can't exactly describe the thought process, but it gets really confusing. I hate that sometimes I can accept myself and sometimes I can't.
I have one friend who I know for sure knows I feel this way, but we've never actually talked about it because she just kinda figured it out, and, what do you say then? "You know that thing where I'm gay? Let's talk about that, hahahaha"? I kinda want to talk to some of my other friends about it (I know it wouldn't be a problem for them) but it never seems like the right time. I don't want it to seem like I'm making a fuss, but every time I start to open my mouth I feel like I'm doing just that so I close it again. I just don't know how to talk about it, or even if I want to talk about it.

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"Oh yeah? Well... so's your face!"

I think I've always known somehow that I was a little bit gay. I was a typical tomboy growing up, but that didn't change the fact that I wasn't late with having boyfriends either. So why I think that I somehow knew I don't know. But when i think about it now, I know that I did, atleast on some level.

Then one day I started feeling something for my best friend. I think i liked her long before I actually figured it out myself, because I've always felt drawn to her. It took me a while to figure out why though. After some mental discussions with myself I told someone, or it kind of slipped out. Then in the heat of an discussion with my mother and my sister I told them to, or they figured it out when they asked who I liked and I fell into tears. I belive i remember my sister said "mom, it's a girl" and then my mother answered "I know". I told them that I was bi. Kind of took the safety net there and told everyone that I was bi so they would like me. Yeah, stupid. I know. My mother always said that I should quit the act and just come out once and for all. So, i did. Earlier today I said "Mom, I think you're right." "About you being a lesbian?" She said without even caring because duh, she already knew.

So yeah, that's about it. Still madly in love with my best friend. I figure that is not going to change for a while. Have been in love with her for two years now so at this rate I have atleast two more left. Not that I complain though, yes it is hard. Sometimes really hard, but it is something I have to live with. I can't change the fact that I am totally and completely in love with her.

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I'm a breast gal myself, but then again you knew that.

My coming out experience was...bizarre, to say the least. My friends had known since puberty, parents were an entirely different story.

16 years of age, sitting in the garage having drinks with my dad. Pretty much said it outright and my partially inebriated father was all, 'Eh. Don't get pregnant.' Then I went to Disneyland with my friends, giving him time to mull it over. We both kept it secret from my mom for almost a year.

Mum chucked me out of the house for like, a week though. Hard enough as a young adult, definitely difficult as a 17 year girl with no car or understanding relatives. Spent that week crashing on various buddies' couches. Never before had I felt so luck to be a little girl with an alarming amount of frat boy buddies. Say what you want about those guys but they are loyal to all their bros, even their little les-bro. After a week, my father convinced my mum to let me move back in.

She proceeds to pretend it never happened and convinced herself I'm straight. If it weren't for my friends and my father, I'd swear I hallucinated it.

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"If I can't be a good example, might as well be a horrible warning."

"Friendship is obviously magic. Love is a sorta super strong friendship. We gay people love so hard we broke 'Social Norm'. Ergo, we gay people are ultra-strong wizards."

Wow. That's awful, faolan228...I hope your mom eventually wakes up and realizes she was wrong to treat you like that...

Still haven't told anyone I was gay. My brother asked me last week how my love life was going, and if I had any good male prospects. When I told him no, he added an 'or females, if you're of the other side'. I was like, wtf? 'other side, that's nice' he then looked at me and asked if I was a lesbian. I won't lie, I may be sure to be gay, I don't like the word 'lesbian'. Maybe it's because its used have almost always been negative, I just don't like it. gay works just as well, thank you. He didn't ask with a mean intention, but his tone was not sincere, as if he was joking and trying to stick a stereotype on me. So I said no, I was not going to come out in my sister's kitchen during my nieces and nephew baptism. Maybe I'll try talking to him if he comes back into town next month, I guess we'll see...Still scared to hell to tell my parents. Maybe I'm waiting until I'm done with school and find an apartment so I will have a plan B if things don't go well...

Gaga01, I can totally empathize with that. I'm not out to anyone in my family. I think my brother actually does suspect - he's asked me at least 5 times at this point whether or not I was a lesbian. It's always meant to be a joke, and every time I just deflect it. The thing is, though, I WANT to tell him. I don't think he'll have a negative reaction, cuz in general he's very accepting of homosexuality. But my mom knows I'm "questioning my sexuality" and she told me explicitly that if I "decided that," NOT to tell my brother. It's really demoralizing to hear your own mother basically command you to stay in the closet to begin with, and it also bothers me whenever people regard it as a choice, which I don't think plays into it at all.

As far as my dad goes...he has no idea. I've tried to figure out what his stance on it is, but no luck. But I know he's a fairly religious Christian, and a conservative, which doesn't bode well for my coming out to him.

I think I'll probably keep quiet about it until I'm no longer financially dependent on my parents...even though I really don't want to. The thing is about being in the closet is I get paranoid that they'll find out or suspect. Like, for example, they have no idea this site even exists. I can't show my parents any of my writing because it's practically all lesbian fiction. I don't even want to watch tv shows with gay themes/pairings - Buffy for example - in front of them because I don't want anything to give me away. I know it's probably irrational, but I can't shake it.

Is anyone else in the same boat?

That is hard Like An Amazon. When I first told my mom she was at the time accepting of it herself but made it clear that no one else in our family should be told. It hurt but I didn't want to make a mess of things so I stayed closeted for another year to everyone but her and my younger sister. When she came out though it really wasn't something that could be hidden anymore though. My mom was actually the one that told our dad and everyone. The funny thing is no one else really seemed to care but my mom has slowly over the last five years gone in the opposite direction where she thinks it's a choice and she has a really hard time talking about it without saying something hurtful or demeaning to me. It's hard and who knows if it'll ever get better. It helps to have support from other people though.

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Anya: I don't like the sound of this. They don't sound very ex-demon compatible.
Tara: Are you sure they're English? I thought English people were, um, gentler than uh... normal people.

An Everyday Life

Wow, that sounds harsh, beautiful_love and LikeAnAmazon...I guess it's why so many people refuses to come out until they are obligated to do so, or just stay in the closet to avoid being judged like that. As hurtful as it is to have to live with that "secret" I feel like somehow it's easier to live like that (at least for now) than having people looking at me oddly, or having them whispering in my back. Maybe I'm wrong and it wouldn't be that bad, but...

Why people can't accept it? LikeAnAmazon, what difference does it make if your brother knows it, why your mom wouldn't want you to tell him? Is she scared it would make him "become gay" too? I feel your paranoia...maybe it wouldn't be as bad as we think it would but it's hard to know exactly where to stand especially when you keep hearing all kinds of comments about homosexuality. Why do people always have to say that it doesn't bother them? If it didn't, why do they feel like they have to specify it? To convince themselves or make it sound more believable? I really hope you will find the strength to tell your brother anyway, that way you will at least have one person on your side when the time of telling your dad will come

beautiful_love: Your sister is gay as well? (or maybe I didn't understand correctly and I apologize if it is the fact) People make jokes about deciding to join "the other team" but it's not like that, I understand that now. I get so tired of being asked about my love life or lack of thereof, and I even doubt I would be taken seriously...How ridiculous it is to stay closeted to "protect" the others while they should just want us to be happy...I'm glad your family seemed to have taken the news well, apart from your mom somehow...hopefully she will change her mind sooner rather than later

Since I can't (or, more accurately, won't) come out to my family just yet, I still try to move things forward. Like two weeks ago, I went to dinner with a bunch or people from another board in the hope that, out of 18 people present, I could make friends with at least one or two of them. It was so weird that everyone there was pretty much out, except for me. I also came out to one of my friends tonight. It was kind of peculiar because she's one of my best friends even though we haven't met in person yet, and I came out in a private message. I believe I pretty much blurted out rather than came out though...I just had to say it to someone that, hopefully, won't judge me. I guess after that I'll see who will be next...

Yeah Gaga01 my sister is gay too. We used to talk about how bad we both felt about it because my parents don't have any other kids so they got "double dinged." It sucks. But you have to do it in your own time when you're ready. It's not something you should rush into of you're not comfortable sharing just yet. But just one persons acceptance can really feel amazing.

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Anya: I don't like the sound of this. They don't sound very ex-demon compatible.
Tara: Are you sure they're English? I thought English people were, um, gentler than uh... normal people.

An Everyday Life

beautiful_love,

You and your sister are both gay? I found it difficult for my parents to accept at first that both myself and my twin sister are gay. My Dad dealt with it better than my Mom, actually. My mom is still in a little bit of denial. I mean, she acknowledges this (I mean, it was 10 years ago that we came out...at the same time...double whammy), but she never asks about relationships or anything like that. In such a case as that, I found that being away from my family and being in an environment amongst friends and new friends to be all the support I needed.

Coming out to my mom was surprisingly easy. She did it for me, lol. I was in my room with my girlfriend (i was 14, we were just talking), I didn't realize what time it was and that my mom was already home from work. Anyway, we left the room holding hands. I froze when I saw my mom, let go. She just smiled at me and asked my gf to stay for dinner. I walked her home afterwards, and when I got back, she's just leaning against the counter chuckling, "So..You're gay?" "Um...yeah." "It's okay. I love you anyway, and who ever you love, as long as they make you happy, I will love them too." I love my mom with all my heart. Now, the rest of my family was hard. After my mom passed, I came out to everyone. Its been over 3 years, and every time I see my Aunt or Grandma, they cry and tell me they DO love me they just have a hard time accepting "my choices". My Aunt still insists I won't ever see my mom again if I don't get counseling. Surprisingly, I'm not upset with them. They love me and they only want what they think is best for me. I firmly believe that as time goes on, and they see me happy being who I am, things will get easier.

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~Allie - Ride the Lightning

"Not a word is ever needed to excuse you loving me." Willow to Tara in Katharyn's Sidestep Chronicles

Hey, Y'all

My sister and I are both gay, too and my Mom was great. The only said moment happened for just an instant, she met my eyes and asked, "Did I do something wrong?" I really felt her pain and confusion. But I reassured her and she's seen me happy so she's now very comfortable with me being gay.

Gaga01 - sounds like you're taking it slow and doing it how you need to do it. Take it easy, be good to yourself.

Jessica - cool we both have sisters in the L-club!

little.hesperides - Good you can look for love and support in the right place!

Take care, it feels so warm and happy to share this all with people who understand . . .

How I Met Your Mother

Welp, came out to my maternal Grandma. This woman has a gay son and several gay/bi grandkids, and she just shrugged and proceeded to chew my mom to bits for not fully accepting me.

"She's your daughter and you should love her no matter what! Starr, love, get the machete and sit in the coop for a couple hours, something's been eating our chickens. I hope you find a nice Filippina girl while you're here for college."

There's still hope, you guys!

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"If I can't be a good example, might as well be a horrible warning."

"Friendship is obviously magic. Love is a sorta super strong friendship. We gay people love so hard we broke 'Social Norm'. Ergo, we gay people are ultra-strong wizards."

Yesterday I found myself giddy as a schoolgirl at the news that Kristy McNichol finally came out. It’s not like it was something that I didn’t already know, when I lived in Vegas in the early ‘90’s some friends of mine actually produced pictures of Kristy and a friend of theirs that she’d dated in the mid ‘80’s. I remembered being thrilled and thinking, ‘wow, even as a child I had gaydar,’ lol.

Many of you reading this will not have clue one as to who she is, because she dropped off the radar about 20 yrs ago, but to my generation she was huge. She played the adorable tomboy, Buddy Lawrence, on Family and won 2 Emmys for that role in the ‘70’s. Plus numerous other roles, ending her career on Empty Nest.

A lot of reaction to the news was, “No kidding, it’s about time and old news,” but I feel like it’s still relevant. Why? Because in my generation it was not ok to be gay…period. Staying locked up tight in the closet was an art form because it sure beat getting arrested and thrown in jail. Tossing around the word faggot and dyke were commonplace and accepted. There was no such thing as political correctness and if a celebrity came out? Forget it. Career over. Especially someone as prolific as Kristy McNichol, because she really was the proverbial ‘girl next door.’

So, thank you Kristy McNichol, for having the courage to finally speak the truth; for confirming our long held suspicions. Even though I suspect that you were about to be officially outed and decided to do first before the tabloids did, I'm still grateful. I only wish that things had been different for all of us 30 years ago, because it would have been nice to have you out, for you to be able to do what you loved without fear of reprisal and for all the young girls like myself that were struggling with their sexuality. I can only hope that your disclosure will spur on others our age to have the courage to come out as well. And hey...welcome to the club.

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Shelby - Racing The Rain (IN PROGRESS) / Baby Makes Three (IN PROGRESS) / The Santa Line / Everything She Does...Is Beautiful / Calfornia Grass

"Transform your pain. Release your past. And ... uh ... get over it."
~Willow, Where The Wild Things Are

Shelby,

You're taking me back with Kristy McNichol, I had a crush on 'Buddy' too and imagined hanging out and holding her hand.

When I hear about younger kittens having fun with their girlfriends in openly gay high school relationships I'm blown away that some of them have that joy of being able to hold their lover's hand in public without being afraid. Ironically, I once had a blind friend who would take my arm walking and a car swerved close to us to honk while the passengers shouted "dyke" at us. We were both pretty shaken but my friend was awesome so the next time a car swerved in we threw our arms around each other and struck a 'love' pose.

She was probably 90% straight but she gave me about 20 seconds of heaven with a kiss and a (fully clothed) touch and she accepted me for who I was and had nothing but love in her heart. So, take care Sue - hope you're still a ball of fire!

Love you,

Ariel
How I Met Your Mother

I'm bored and my ADD is kicking in so I just randomly feel like sharing my awkward coming out story.

So ever since I was little I always secretly wanted to be a boy, but not a manly boy I wanted to be a girly boy. I had the desire to runaway and cut my hair and wear boy clothes (b/c guy clothes always seemed so much more appealing than girl clothes to me). My mom used to always put me in pretty dresses and try to teach me how to act like a girl which I ways always very bad at even to this day. I never did fit in with the boys or the girls in my school, People actually came up to my face and told me I was weird or ugly. I used to have allot of guy friends that I always convinced myself that I was in love with mainly because I didn't even consider the option of liking a girl it didn't occur to me. I used to have best friend that I was very close to and whenever she left, I always got really sad, like whenever my grandma leaves to go home I always want to hug and kiss her goodbye and I always felt this urge to do that with my friend, but I didn't because I didn't want her to think that was weird.

Entering middle school I didn't dress like the other girls, I wore jeans and baggy T-shirts and wore my hair back. Graphic novels were my salvation they gave me a reason to keep going. Middle school was the worst, everyone thought I was a freak, even I did so I acted that way. People even accused me of worshipping satan or killing my mom, teenagers can be very cruel and my retaliation was to either fight back or freak them out enough to get them to leave me alone. 7th grade I had my first boyfriend, a boy skinnier than me, with a lisp. I hated kissing him, it was very wet and sloppy and his friends didn't like me. Ninth grade was an important year for me, it was the first year of high school and I had another boyfriend, who was more girly than I was but was very sweet and intelligent so I thought I liked him. We both ironically at the same time told each other that we were gay and liked a person so we broke up in the middle of the year. He is though to this day one of my best friends.

That year I met a junior named Kelly in my art class, she flipped my world upside down. I remember walking down the hallway and seeing her and how for the first time I felt my heart beating fast while my stomach lurched and felt light and full of butterflies. I thought that stuff only happened in the poetry books. She was gorgeous, but she was older, straight, taken and cruel. I stupidly wrote her an anonymous love letter, she found out. I remember that she looked at me with disgust and told me not to sit next her. She broke my heart and made me depressed for months. Even walking past her in the hallway after that made me shudder. But thanks to her I came to terms as to what I was. At first I completely denied my feelings for her, but eventually I began to accept that I liked girls. I went from bi-curious to bisexual and eventually to gay, but still open to love if I actually ever find a guy who makes me feel the way Kelly made me feel, though I kind of doubt it.

But here's where the coming out story really comes into play, I told my dad casually while he drove me home from art one day. My father knows me better than anyone in my family and several times he has reassured me that he loves me no matter what and that he will always be there for me. He even said if I ever get a girlfriend that he would like to meet her. I never felt so accepted for myself.

My mother on the other hand went looney tunes. For months during that year she could sense something was making me depressed and she went a little over board and read my diary. She screamed, cried and begged with me in the car the day she found out. When we got inside she lay down on my bedroom floor crying. she always said that's what she'd do if my siblings or I ever died, that she'd lay down on the floor and cry. She didn't want to hear any of it, she kept saying "Don't go down this path" or "It's just a phase" but worst of all she said this, "What will people think of me if they find out, they'll talk about me and say that I'm a bad mom" she didn't care if society would accept me or not she only cared that people would think that she raised a freak. She threatened to send me to a mental hospital, she threatened to move the family somewhere. She even asked me "what would your grandmother think about this?" this angered me. My grandmother is a wonderful understanding woman I don't think she would cast me aide simply because of my sexuality. My dad came home and told her to leave me alone and said this, "Your daughter is afraid of you, leave her alone".

Eventually my mom over the years got over her homophobia although she dislikes to talk about it and I still don't get her, because her brother and uncle are openly gay and she loves them.

A few months ago I told her that when she says she loves me for all my hard work and my good grades and my improvements along the years of high school that it upsets me because I felt like she was only accepting a part of me and I felt very alone and frightened that she could never fully love me again. We both cried and she told me that I was right and that she was sorry. Even though it's hard I forgive my mom for what she did and how she reacted, although she can be extreme at times she was worried and wanted to see what was going on. I can understand that now, but it still hurts.

I no longer want to be a boy, I now feel confidence in being a woman. I thought in a boy's body I would feel more comfortable and more out going. But now I feel like "Well this is who I am and if i can't accept it how am I supposed to be happy?". It may be different for other people, but that's just how I feel personally about myself.
Oh wow I just pretty much ranted on about my life story... D:

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"be nor ret n'Khan, tizmar sae? Please stay beyond the cruel dawn"- Chris Anne Wolfe, Shadows of Aggar

"In the pale light of the moon, I play the game of you"- Neil Gaiman, Sandman

Ok, so I'm 16 and am having a hard time coming out in school. At home my family knows I like girls, but they don't take it seriously. They think it's just a phase or that I can't get a boyfriend. I'm very confident in the fact that i like girls, it's just I'm afraid to tell my friends and letting other people know. I am "popular", whatever just a label, but I'm afraid of losing all of the friends I have and having people look up to me. I thought I'd just wait until someone asked me and then come out, bt I"m starting to think I have the dullest friends ever. I have gay pride posters covering my room, I almost never take off my freedom rings and necklace. I even have t-shirts centered around lesbian puns and rights. I constantly hav guys asking me out , and it's always been a no. Still nothing. I figured I'd just wait until I graduated and come out, but there's this BEAUTIFUL girl who is not only gay but open about it, is still very popular, single and likes me. She knows I'm gay, and is giving me time, but I know there's no way she will wait. So what do I do? Stay sad and lonely until I graduate, bt not face harsh prejudice from the people I love or be happy with someone I may not even be with in a year and risk losing my high status?

Gnomi,

First, disclosure statement. I wasn't popular in high school. I had plenty of friends, but am much more of a gamer/nerdy type. So for me, being out (even at 15) was easier than it was for a peer of mine who was; I was already in a group of friends outside of mainstream culture. Now, that peer was not only popular, but came out in 8th grade on national coming out day and started the gay-straight alliance at my high school our freshman year. She caught some flack (more than me), but was still a rather popular person throughout high school. And that was 15 years ago.

There are two things that make me advise you to go out with this girl. First, you're out to your family; they may not take you seriously, but they have heard it, and it doesn't sound like you've been threatened with being disowned. The second is that this other girl is popular. She has friends, which means that there are people in your school that will be willing to accept you. (Also, you say she's beautiful, which isn't a major point in my advice, but certainly is a major bonus. )

So, if you do go out with this girl, what does it cost you? Potentially your current friends, but you don't seem to enamored with them at the moment, anyways. You say you're concerned about your status overall, but if this girl is popular and out, it's not an impossibility at your school.

What do you gain? A whole lot, in my mind. Dating in high school is a good deal if you can get it. There's a lot of social learning that begin until you come out. By learning those social skills now, when your gay and straight peers are learning them, you avoid the problem of learning how to date when you're already in college, and your peers already know what's going on. Have you ever heard of someone "only being a year old in gay years"? It's a real part of the culture. So coming out and dating now, even if it makes your life awkward in some ways, is a real investment in your life down the road. In becoming the sort of girlfriend other girls will see as appealing. (For lots, lots more on this, see the writings of Dan Savage.) Furthermore, your family is a lot more likely to take you seriously if you come home with a girlfriend. It makes it concrete.

You mentioned you have people who look up to you. Think of it this way: if you, as a popular person, can come out and have a girlfriend in high school, maybe you can inspire others at your school to be more comfortable with who they are. You can use this as a way to do some good with your status.

That's my two cents, anyways.

Gnomi - I'm going weigh in here as well. I'm not going to talk about the social benefits of dating/coming out. I'm going to posit that your decision to date this girl/come out really boils down to one primary choice and that it is a choice that you (and all of humanity) will be presented with over and over and over. The choice is between Love and Fear. On one hand you have the potential for Love. Love for yourself. Love from your friends. Love with this girl. Love for your school in their growth and acceptance. On the other you have Fear that it will all go poorly, that you will lose social standing, that you will lose friends, that things won't work out with this girl. Which do you choose?

Love or Fear?

Thanks a lot you guys. With your encouraging words and advice, along with a few other peoples I chose to come out. I told the girl that's into me, I wanted to give it a try. She took me to our school's GSA meeting yesterday (you have to bring a friend or partner). And we told everyone my little problem and how we decided to start dating, it of course got out and spread throughout the school. But so far it's been good, a few people who claimed to be my friend have been a little distant, but my closer and best friends told me I was silly for thinking they would avoid me. I guess I'm one of those lucky people with loving family and friends who will support them no matter what Thanks You Guys!

Congratulations, Gnomi. That's great!

I felt like posting this here

That^ is the best!

Wildly Awesomely funny!

Ariel
How I Met Your Mother

I actually felt disappointed when i came out to my mum.
We were talking about something or other and i said 'oh yeah, mum, i'm gay'
i am a big one for just saying stuff.
she looked at me funny and said 'why are you telling me this?'
not because she was freaked, but because it really didn't matter to her at all, and she didn't think it was any of her business.

i gotta be honest, i was kinda hoping from some drama. :(

Also, i'm Bi-straight-ish, but i find that people don't know what to do with that.
it's like 'Gay' fits in their heads, but 'Bi' confuses them.

It seems to be that Bi is translated into 'monstrous slut' or something. just makes people wiggy.

Ok, all done now.

R

I've got your back. Though I thankfully haven't run into people that don't get "bi," but I have had to slowly explain the "more to one side than the other" part. I have to be "look at me when I'm at a beach. Of the people I check out, it's about 80% chicks. But it's still 20% guys, and I'm still engaged to a guy."

"Bi" gets associated with "slutty" or at least "non-monogamous" quite a lot. Like, oh, I'm bi, therefore my fiance and I must therefore have threesomes. Ugh. Once I was told--by a flamingly gay graduate student-- that it is "trendy." (That pissed me the fuck off. Yeah, it was really trendy when my girlfriend got hauled into the dean's office in high school for PDAs, despite the fact that we were way more toned down than the opposite-sex couples in our grades. Fucker.)

Just take comfort in the fact that you can watch a show like Buffy, Firefly, or Grey's Anatomy, and get twice as many hotties per watching time. ^_^

Yeah, the Bi thing caused some hilarity at work.
Big hairy manly men, felling trees with chainsaw and other macho stuff.
then the boss bowls on up to me and just blurts out "Are you a poof?"
it was quite bizarre. in his defence, that was fairly delicate for him, older generation of manly-men and all that.

When i said i was Bi, you could see the gears turning in the head of all the guys round the camp fire, then one of the nervously asked "Does that mean you've got, y'know, both set of bits?"
i fell off my log laughing.
it was really sweet, all these clueless macho stereotypes asking polite (if weirdly phrased) questions about sexuality.
i felt really accepted.

Then the boss's wife found out and threatened to cut my bollocks of with a pair of bolt-cutters, if i ever spoke to her teenage son again.
Apparently in her mind, Bi/Gay was equated to paedophile/rapist.

Not helped by the fact that a famous alleged paedophile was released from prison that week.

that part sucked :(

I've been wanting to write something into this thread for a long time, so here we go. It's long, yes; but it's short in comparison of what's inside my head and what's my whole story. I apologise for my language mistakes, I'm not a native speaker.

The first signs of my not-so-straightness had started when I was 11 - I was having dreams about a girl whom I didn't know, my mind had just fabricated her. (By the way, she was absolutely perfect and gorgeous!) But when the dreams stopped, I have just forgotten about them, knowing that the 'confusion' is rather common among the teens.

It seems that I had been a total tomboy for the huge part of my life. I played basketball, never really hung out with girls, wore boyish clothes… Up until 13, when I've started to want to look girly. I was afraid I would be even more different if I just continued with comfy tomboy look. I was in a basketball team and I just saw the difference between me and other girls, slowly becoming even more visible. I wanted to remain the part of the team. Following the example, I started to use a bit of make-up and mascara, pluck my eyebrows, buy girlier clothes and I even started to hang out with girls.

My father was always making fun of how boyish kid I was; not in a bad way though, but I didn't like it and I hated someone question my gender; just because I had behaved or looked like a boy, doesn’t mean I’m not girl, or that I’m a lesbian or that I want to be a boy. Though I've had really girly body and then even behaved and dressed like a girl, I was subconsciously a bit unsure of those two ‘facts’ about myself. Girl. Liking boys. I didn’t think about it like this back then, I had absolutely no idea that it could have been different. I even fell head over heels in love with a woman - woman nearly 30 years older than me, mind you - without realising it. That realisation came with Robert's (my best friend) coming out to me. Not at once, but after a few months… and considering the dreams and my crush, it clicked like a missing piece of puzzle. I was… 14. And I thought I was bi.

For some reasons, I do have trust issues with people and the whole idea of 'letting someone in' freaks me out a bit, but I trust women more. Men are too... strong, insistent, they are too in control and I can't trust them to not to misuse their power. I just hope, maybe someday I would meet a man that would prove me wrong. I want to believe in men, I want them to be the knights, the fighters, the protectors again.

I don't like the whole 'label' thing and I don't like the idea of coming out. It's like the unspoken rule; if you are gay, you have to come out. Otherwise you aren't really gay. So consider this a non-coming out post, but oh yes, I'm actually coming out with this post, which totally ruins the non-coming out part... Duh.

I like a person, not body. When I fall in love, I don't give half a damn about one's looks or equipment. I'm a desperate romantic, I had been writing poems to my girl as long as we were together. I'm reserving an hour before I fall asleep to imagine what a life with a woman I love and who loves me back would be like, and I hope I'll dream about it trought the night. I'm a love's bitch.

And I'm perfectly closeted. It's not that my friends or family are conservative, prudent or even hateful towards people like me. In fact, my classmates were perfectly OK with Robert. But I do believe my sexuality isn't anyone's business and given how sacred the whole idea of love is to me, it's just.. private and I refuse to let the gender of the person I Iove to define who I am; the personality is what matters. In addition, I feel safer and more confident with my secrets and inner life - I know that many gay people were relieved when they came out, because they finally could be themselves, but I would feel... very vulnerable and scared. So I guess that depends. I myself, reserve the 'myself' for only few people, others are able to see only a wall.

Though we were together with my girlfriend for a long time, I didn't introduce her to my parents. I've never really been close to either of them. They were just... two people whom I was forced to grow up with and I'm still looking forward to a day when I'll be finally free. Our relationship is rather complicated - I'm not being a 'rebellious teen' but it's too long, off-topic story and I'm still figuring it out. Even if I told them about my girlfriend, they have already lost a right to go all "It's wrong!" and "Get outta' my house!". In fact, I would gratefully pack my things and told them to go sod off.

However, I do consider asking my grandmother what she thinks about gay people. She is a lot like me and she is that sort of woman, who would love you no matter what circumstances and even if you dated a frog, she would just say "If you are happy, then I'm happy too." She brought me up, she isn't religious and I love her. I think... she should know; she earnt it. She also had a great marriage with my grandfather, I remember them being so in love, even after such long years.. and then he died. Just like that, he had lung cancer, though he had NEVER put a bloody cigarette into his mouth. I guess true love always ends tragically, as if it was trying to convince us, that in the end - it wasn't real.

I'm currently 16. I'm not ashamed of being who I'm, or that I dated a girl and I prefer to have a relationship with women; they are just more capable of the love I dream of - I have a proof now. I like that this is just.. mine. I'm not going to share it with the outer world; they wouldn't understand how wonderful it is. And yes, I do stand up for gay people being harassed when I witness it. (I feel now like a secret double-agent on the journey of vengeance and redemption from the bad straights!)

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Awakening

Sova - I just wanted to say well done on your not coming out. In a way, I think it's important at your age or any age to be open to saying "I may fall in love with someone. I'm open to that." And let that be it. Why worry about a label? There can be reasons why it's important to state a label or at least try to define a relationship. For example, for me it's important that my work understand that I'm in a relationship and have children with another woman so that I can get leave time when I need to do so. If it was just ... hey, so I have this friend and I want to help her take her kids to the doctor or something...

But it sounds like you're perfect just where and who you are. So well done!

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Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

Hi, I'm new here.
I have a big problem coming out. Mostly because my family is very homophobic. I also live in very small town, where people don't like gay people. It's very hard not to have someone to talk to about my feelings.



P.S. Sorry for my english but I don't use it very often.