I'm there for you, ktv. I'm there for you. I've booked a flight for Thursday. Hope you haven't changed your mind - the tickets non-refundable.

Hope the headache is gone, and best wishes to the niece.

On topic:
So it's the first day back to "real life" after a weeks time-off for both the gf and me. I had hoped it would be much more rejuvenating than it was, particularly for her. She returned to a really bad situation at work today. I'd wanted the vacation to give her more energy, focus and optimism about dealing with the problems. Instead it feels as if we've come back to the same situation with the same misery and feelings of overwhelming dread.

Some of them are justified, don't get me wrong, but I'll admit to a little impatience that she is so beaten down by this. It's selfish of me, I know, but I miss my cynically-optimistic, stand-em-up-knock-em-down girl.

So I not only feel bad for her, I feel like an ass for being impatient with her as she struggles with this problem.

And of course I'd also like to engage the problem myself - kick a little ass, take a few names. But that would truly f things up beyond redemption. So I sitz and I smilz and I try to be supportive(z?).

Grrrr.

message deleted

_________________

Im too tired to think properly! Plus, it's Halloween and I have NO plans. How sad am I?? "grumble grumble"

my beautiful phone so totally just got stolen yesterday

it had loads of photo's of me and my gf on it.. and all the vids i watch at night to stop myself from crying.. and they're all gone.. i'm never ever gonna be able to watch a single one of them again.. ever..

*sighs* this really f**cking sucks people.

-bell

_________________

let me live forever.. in the space between our lips...

my girlfriend's work hours got cut pretty dramatically so now we're ass out about $200 a month....and with the holidays coming this is probably the worst timing possible. I'm STILL getting her home to Indiana for Christmas, no matter what....Its too important to her to let this screw it up.


And the stress over possibly losing my job combined with every day 'normal' stress is starting to get to me...

BAH!!!!

I'm starting to get very frustrated at everything going on in my life. Things have cooled down in terms of accident-related stress (my friend has stopped crying every day, and as my roommate's brother recovers things seem to lighten up), but I feel like I'm losing my place in it all. My sister has become attached to her boyfriend, and he's starting to get on people's nerves- especially since he's started leaving lots of stuff in my sister's room, nearer to her roommate's stuff than hers. This is creating tension in the group, but my sister gets defensive whenever we mention it. She'd prefer to believe there's nothing wrong. Additionally, the car ride home from fall break with her boyfriend and his parents- which I was annoyed about because it would be awkward for me- went fine, and so did taking him back with us afterwards. But now we're taking him back again for Thanksgiving, and his friend's parents are taking us back. And I don't want this. There are no words for how much I just want my normal arrangement and my alone time with my family back. These trips and break times are supposed to be special times when I can focus on just being with my family. But it's a nice gesture for us to take them home and for them to take us back, and I feel it would be rude for me to oppose that. And it would inconvenience those who need rides home.

I've been crying a lot, in private, and what scares me is that I can very rarely pinpoint a reason why it's happening- or when I can, it's such a small reason that I know there must be something wrong for me to get so worked up over those things. And I feel like I can't talk to anyone about it, even the people I care about most here at college. I feel so separate from everyone around me. And I don't know what to do.

Saena

_________________
Ellie: God, why are you such a pessimist?
Jack: I dont know, maybe because bad things keep happening to me?!
-"The Tribe"

we wanted to buy a car but when we went there it was sold to another person thats is sooo unfair :(

Im a moron! I got my girlfriend and I's anniversary month mixed up! this has been going on for 8 months!!! How could I didnt realize this?? How come she didnt say anything!! Ok well, itll be 7 months next week....that's a whole month less! Argh.

I guess it's ok...I just....blah!

I made it through the first 10 years of my drivers license without any significant moving violations or accidents.

Not so much now. First I rear ended somebody with my gf's truck, and yesterday some twit in a frigging mack truck ran a red light. I swerved and braked, but no quite enough. So now my truck is f-ed.

In the past year my truck: has had the rear window broken, the windows spray painted, threatening notes left on it, the side dented by someone while it was parked (found it that way in the a.m.) and now it has a crunched front end.

The poor thing doesn't deserve this - she's a good truck, she is!

Poor Boschi's truck. Bad mack truck driver!

I've just coughed my throat raw because some damn crumbs got stuck in my throat...owies!

_________________
"And beyond the Wild Wood?" asked the Mole.
"The Wide World," said the Rat. "And that doesn't matter."

bummer about your bad truck luck, bosch! i hope you get a nice payoff from the driver's insurance

as for my crappiness, i now feel somewhat silly for wandering into this thread to talk about it. i know misery is a relative sort of thing, but my crappy feeling is just a feeling, not even stemming from some sort of crappy event.

at any rate, i'm having a very strange day. i woke up this morning with an almost suffocating kind of heaviness. it feels like heartbreak. you know, that awful feeling you have upon waking when you first remember that whatever monstrous breakup you've recently gone through wasn't a dream? i've felt like that all day. on the verge of tears, empty, aching, longing. i don't get it. i haven't been through a break-up like that in almost five years.

hmm. now that i think about it, the five year anniversary of that breakup is next month and i'm living back in the place where it happened. perhaps that has something to do with this feeling? but i'm over that relationship, that ex (though it took several years). in fact, i've felt ready for something new for quite a while. so why the heartache? maybe it's not a broken heart i'm feeling... maybe it's a neglected one.

i don't know what the deal is. i just hope that tomorrow i wake up feeling a little bit lighter.

_________________
"Threads that are golden don't break easily." - Tori Amos, "Horses"

I woke up with the same heartbroken, empty feeling that kisstheviolets woke up with. Only it hasn't been 5 years. It's been only a few days.

And nothing seems like it will ever get better.

We had so many plans. Plans for Thanksgiving break, for Christmas, for the summer. And it's all gone now. She needs to figure things out. She needs 'to love herself before she can really commit to anyone else'.

We were together 8 months, then not together for 4, and then we got together for 3 more weeks. But she had to end it. Because she felt like she was betryaing me. How is it fair that we got back together after 4 months of hell, just for me to have to go back to it in a few short weeks.

And...it's not fair. And it hurts to know that there's nothing I can do but wait. And I don't know if I can wait. Or for how long I'd even have to.

And I'm so sick of every minute feeling like an hour.



...the worst thing is that my sweatshirt still smells like her. And that I found pictures of us on a friend's website from last weekend. And that hurts so much. How can so much change in 7 days?

My new boss makes it really hard for me to like my job anymore. I go back and forth, hating it, loving it, hating it again. He irritates the hell out of me because somehow he is never pleased, I guess how most bosses are, but he insults me blatantly on a daily basis. Insults my intelligence, my laboratory skills, the way that I talk, on and on. He doesn't treat the other tech that way so I am pretty sure he has a supriority complex: He has major "I have a PhD" syndrome: anyone without a PhD is shit, no matter what. And me? I have a high school diploma, nothing more. So I'm extra shit.

i take back all of my crappiness from yesterday. i woke up this morning to a call from my brother informing me that my niece has an "atrioventricular canal defect" instead of the "ventricular septal defect" they originally thought she had. now they're testing her for down's syndrome because that defect is prevelent in that population. i don't think she has down's though. she doesn't have any of the physical markers or symptoms. but the family is freaked out nonetheless - not by the down's, but just by the fact that she will need to have heart surgery now. poor little peanut.

_________________
"Threads that are golden don't break easily." - Tori Amos, "Horses"

So I was out with some friends after a movie on Friday, and we were all just looking for an excuse to hang around a bit longer. So we walked into a Lettieri's and were thinking about ordering some cake. My friend says "oh, let's share" one so I choose out a slice of Triple Chocolate Cheesecake, which is daunting but manageable between three people. However, after we sit down with the cake and the drinks, both of them refused to eat any of it, leaving me to scale this gigantic mountain of chocolate.

I got a bit frustrated and stupidly scooped some cake into my friend's drink, which pissed him off to a degree, and rightly so. Afterwards, I kept making excuses to defend the stupidity of the act, even though it was obvious what I had done was really dumb. It sucks especially because the other person there is the girl that I like, and I made a complete fool of myself in front of her. My friend and I have since made up, but I still haven't had the chance to talk to my crush, and it's killing me, I guess. I suppose I'm very worried that she will think less of me because of what I did.

Blah.

_________________
-diamondforever

diamondforever's fanfiction archive

I found out a girl I spent the last two months crushing on, simply on rememberances from childhood and I haven't seen her in at least 8 years, is a full 4 years younger than me and a freshman in high school. I now feel like a pedophile.

In my defense, I thought we were the same age until friday. I saw her again on friday and she's really beautiful, and looks closer to 17 than 14. Still, she's just a kid. I also found myself having feelings for a girl that just turned 13. Again, I didn't KNOW she was that young. Erg.

I'm 18 and already a dirty old lesbian...

I suppose it goes along with the senior moments and fibro?

Erg.

_________________
Everything you think you know, baby, is wrong.
And everything you think you had, baby, is gone.

Please visit my website

Stupid incompetent Roto-Rooter dudes!! Took them 6 tries to figure out we have a collapsed sewer line...meanwhile we had to cancel Thanksgiving...every time I have to go to the bathroom I have to drive to the Rest Area and I haven't had a shower in 9 days!!!!!! If it takes much longer to be repaired I shall be most put out...translation = I can't reasonably be held accountable for my actions <scritch scritch scritch> my scalp itches

Ok, so... here goes. This is long, but I need to get it out.

I have known my friend Max and his family almost my whole life. They are one of the most wonderful, closest, nicest families I've ever known. Max and his two younger brothers are all talented, nice kids. And their parents are some of the funnest parents ever. They're a very close knit family and I've grown up with them.

Max recently moved to New York City (where I moved about a year and a half ago) for college. So Sunday night he and I and his girlfriend Jessie (who I've also known for years) hung out and went to see The Wedding Singer. Monday, Max had classes so Jessie and I hung out and went to neighborhoodies and had a whole lot of fun. We were thinking of going out to dinner that night before Jessie left (she was only visiting for the weekend). So, I called later and couldn't get a hold of them... oh well, they'd both been having phone problems. Not that unusual.

Tuesday morning I wake up to get ready for classes... all of a sudden I get a phone call from my mother. I figure she's calling about my travel plans for thanksgiving, which she's been harassing me about all week. But I pick up the phone and she asks me if I've talked to Max or Jessie recently. I say no and ask why... and she tells me Max's brother Sam was hit by a car. And it's bad. I freak out a little, but he's alive and that's what's important... so I go to class.

Halfway through class I get a call from my friend Elsa.

He didn't make it.

I kinda went into shock. This kid was only 14 years old. He was a sweet, fun, and amazingly musically talented guy. I've known him literally his whole life. And all of a sudden he's gone. On a Tuesday. Monday he was fine. Sunday his brother was gloating about how jealous Sam was going to be that he's gotten Stephen Lynch's autograph. And Tuesday he's dead. And of all the families in the world, his family did not deserve this. They are some of the best people I know.

I still haven't fully processed it. I spent most of Tuesday crying at random intervals. And I have to thank my friends... particularly two by the name of Steven and Laura. Neither of them ever knew Sam or his family, but they both made me feel so loved. They spent hours talking to me and text messaging me to make sure I was OK. And both of them called me on Wednesday morning, just to see if I was alright and to tell me "If you need me, you call me."

kisstheviolets: I'm sorry. Here's wishing your niece's surgery will go well! *hugs*

::HUGS:: for all Kittens who need them!

Man!! It never ends...10 days and still no sewer...plus my sister-in-law who is only 3 and a half years older than I am got rushed to the ER on Thanksgiving night with a perforated bowel...since the surgery her heart rate has not wanted to go beyond 45...now they have discovered half of her heart is not functioning and they are putting in a pacemaker on Monday...to TPTB, if you are testijng my resolve I'm done now

It seems that our video camera, digital camera, and stereo reciever are all broken.

_________________
Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

umgaynow: Hey there - hang in and best wishes to your sister.

As for me, I will confess my crappy feelings are small, petty and self-induced. I've procrastinated and have a pile of projects and exams on top of me. I've told myself I can't look at some business opportunities until I finish with school stuff. So I keep gamely turning on the computer and trying to write..... and getting nowhere. And the clock is ticking....

double posting here be damned.

I just typed up two pages of a progress report on one of my projects, then, for reasons I cannot begin to fathom, clicked "no" when, as I closed it, I was asked if I wanted to save changes.

OK, I need to go bash my head against the desk, or perhaps smash my wayward clicking finger with a heavy, blunt object....

eeeeeeeeeeeh gatz...... there are no comforting words i can offer that will numb the feeling of OMGIMSOF****INGRETARDEDHOWDIDIDOTHAT?!

so.. instead ...

there once was a clicker called boschi
whose progress report went all sloshi
after screaming and ranting
and smashing and panting
her finger turned out somewhat squashy..



-bell

_________________

let me live forever.. in the space between our lips...

Bell, you rock my world.

- Boschi

My camcorder is eating the shit out my wedding tapes. Grrr.

_________________
Foo

Kisses and Gay Love
"I like my buttons, curvy." - Willow, Neverland, by Easiersaid

I got laid off from my job that I have been working at since I was 17, in June of 2004. My last day is December 22nd so Im lucky that I have a few weeks' notice.

But this fucking blows. I don't know what I'm going to do. I may not be eligible for unemployment because I was still considered a temp even though I've been here so long. There's a bunch of weird loopholes because my situation is different than most people's...so this fucking sucks and there's no way I'm going to find another job that pays as well. I don't know how I'm going to pay my bills.

I don't feel crappy so much but today would have been my mother's birthday. I miss her so much.

_________________
Menorah Tales | Working It Out | Random Bits

i didn't get much sleep last night, have an exam this morning that's 2 weeks before exams begin because my teacher hates us all and thinks we're hopeless, so he doesn't want to hold the last 2 weeks of classes...oh yeah, and I was diagnosed as diabetic yesterday...the fun never ends...it totally feels like life is doing this

uhh.. well.. it looks like i'll be alone for christmas.... my mum is going to her boyfriends..and. my dad is going to his girlfriend's...
Im only 17 and i have to spent christmas alone....
on another crappy feeling note
I seem to have lost all of my friends..... im friendless..
well i do have people that pretend to be.... but they just use me for my money.... and when im broke.. then never call me.. or talk to me... i also have the other kind.. that abuse you behind your back.. and will do everything in there power to make your life a living hell...
So my life is super great right now....