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 Post subject: Re: A Moment of Truth
PostPosted: Mon Feb 20, 2017 5:13 pm 
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25. Cured Boy-wanter
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Joined: Sat Nov 17, 2007 8:44 am
Posts: 4231
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Location: England
I don't get it but that's OK. I have to put my best foot forward and focus on the good. Plus I'm really really hungry for some reason even if it's a quarter past one in the morning here.

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My mother always says that if a person cant say something nice, and be kind then they should not say anything at all.


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 Post subject: Re: A Moment of Truth
PostPosted: Wed Mar 01, 2017 5:27 am 
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28. Com...plete

Joined: Sat Apr 30, 2005 8:18 am
Posts: 4809
Location: Austin
Under the right circumstances, I think I could have really liked math. I always sort of had an 'ewwww math' attitude, but I actually really enjoy simple arithmetic, and there's something comforting in having a concrete answer to a problem.

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"To days to come."
"All my love to long ago.


I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly...

~Jas


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 Post subject: Re: A Moment of Truth
PostPosted: Thu Mar 16, 2017 3:54 pm 
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25. Cured Boy-wanter
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Location: England
I easily have about three hundred books or more to read that I haven't yet. I have read eight books this year I'd better get cracking.

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My mother always says that if a person cant say something nice, and be kind then they should not say anything at all.


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 Post subject: Re: A Moment of Truth
PostPosted: Wed Apr 26, 2017 7:40 pm 
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Ms. Moderator Fantastico
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Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 1:22 pm
Posts: 4026
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Location: Ireland
I need more hobbies.

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Amber Benson killed me once.

Check out my finished fics

Current Series: College Confidential ... Adult Confidential ... Hacker Confidential ... Family Confidential


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 Post subject: Re: A Moment of Truth
PostPosted: Thu Apr 27, 2017 6:47 am 
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28. Com...plete

Joined: Sat Apr 30, 2005 8:18 am
Posts: 4809
Location: Austin
My move is coming together - I have an apartment pending income approval; my Oregon nursing license finally came through; I have a job pending background check, drug screening, etc., and I think I've *finally* gotten them all the documentation they need; and I finally settled on my moving by car instead of flying - but some moments it still seems horribly overwhelming. There are moments where I doubt whether I'm even capable of this. The closer it gets it feels like the fear and anxiety are outweighing the excitement. I know this is what I'm doing, I know it's happening, I know within the month I will be living on the other side of the country. But sometimes I'm not sure this is really what I want.

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"To days to come."
"All my love to long ago.


I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly...

~Jas


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 Post subject: Re: A Moment of Truth
PostPosted: Thu May 18, 2017 9:57 pm 
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28. Com...plete

Joined: Sat Apr 30, 2005 8:18 am
Posts: 4809
Location: Austin
I miss working with kids so much it physically hurts. And I can't afford to go back to it if I ever want to have a kid of my own.

It sucks. I hate it.

I've known this for years; it's why I went to Nursing school in the first place. But it doesn't get easier.

Having to choose between the career I loved beyond measure, and the one thing I want most in this world... It's not right. I know the world isn't fair and I know so many people have so much worse choices they have to make, but damn it, I shouldn't have to choose. I should be able to be a daycare teacher *and* earn enough to afford to have a kid of my own.

I did the math tonight - for about the millionth time - and where I live now I would have to earn $12/hour and get a 50% discount on daycare to be able to stretch my savings for the 5 years before a kid would start school. If I did one shift a month at the hospital, I'd have money for emergencies and maybe 1 trip home a year.
Where I'm moving to, I would have to make $19/hour and a 50% discount. If I moved home, I could probably get by on $16-17/hour and a 50% discount.
The most I ever made working at a daycare was $9/hour. One place in Austin pays their leads around $15/hour, so *almost* my minimum, but I would be way underqualified. It shouldn't be impossible.

I hate this. I hate working a career that's perfectly fine when I know how much happier I can be.

I miss going to my classroom everyday. I miss my babies smiling at me, my toddlers coming to give me hugs when I walk in. I miss circle time and playing in the sandbox and dancing and changing diapers and rocking little ones to sleep. I miss that warm feeling when I comfort a kiddo who's sad. I miss watching my babies learn, even seeing the tiny pieces they pick up from me.

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"To days to come."
"All my love to long ago.


I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly...

~Jas


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 Post subject: Re: A Moment of Truth
PostPosted: Tue May 23, 2017 10:49 am 
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25. Cured Boy-wanter
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Posts: 4231
Topics: 3
Location: England
Can't believe the tragedy of Manchester today it genuinely makes me feel sick but I am happy to announce the birth of my newest niece today. I can't wait to meet her ♥

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My mother always says that if a person cant say something nice, and be kind then they should not say anything at all.


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 Post subject: Re: A Moment of Truth
PostPosted: Sat Jun 17, 2017 2:48 pm 
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11. Fish in the Bowl

Joined: Tue Sep 28, 2010 1:35 pm
Posts: 1487
Topics: 2
Location: California
My realization is how much the world has changed. Mass murder is almost common now; it happens so often. My childhood had none of that. Closest I came to something traumatic was coming home from Kindergarten and seeing my Mom crying in front of the TV because President JFK had been shot. On the flip side, I see junior high school girls falling in love with each other in the Bay Area and it's okay, accepted. My highschool time was so damn lonely, always falling in love with my best (straight) friends. Glad some things have changed.


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 Post subject: Re: A Moment of Truth
PostPosted: Sun Jun 18, 2017 5:33 pm 
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Joined: Sat Apr 30, 2005 8:18 am
Posts: 4809
Location: Austin
Calling my dad always feels like a chore (and especially on a day when I feel obligated like Father's Day). He's not a bad guy or a bad dad, but we're not close and I never know what to say. And then I feel guilty for not being closer to him or putting in more of an effort.

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"To days to come."
"All my love to long ago.


I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly...

~Jas


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 Post subject: Re: A Moment of Truth
PostPosted: Sat Jul 01, 2017 4:27 pm 
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Ms. Moderator Fantastico
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Joined: Sat Feb 21, 2009 1:22 pm
Posts: 4026
Topics: 34
Location: Ireland
I recently got a six foot phone cable so it would stretch from the wall socket to my bed.

I can now move around on either side of the bed and still be able to use my phone while it's plugged in and that is literally the most exciting thing to happen in my bedroom in a while.

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Amber Benson killed me once.

Check out my finished fics

Current Series: College Confidential ... Adult Confidential ... Hacker Confidential ... Family Confidential


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 Post subject: Re: A Moment of Truth
PostPosted: Sat Jul 01, 2017 7:57 pm 
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20. Not one Much for the Timber
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Joined: Tue Sep 21, 2010 6:32 pm
Posts: 3133
Topics: 14
Location: H-Town, Texas
I fixed the pond pump at my studio today. People, I fixed a mechanical device. I took shit apart, put it back together and it actually worked! I had no idea wtf I was doing, but I'm so proud of myself right now. Usually, when I take stuff like that apart...it NEVER runs again (RIP numerous lawnmower engines), but the pump is working!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

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Shelby - Racing The Rain (IN PROGRESS) / Baby Makes Three (IN PROGRESS) / The Santa Line / Everything She Does...Is Beautiful / Calfornia Grass

"Transform your pain. Release your past. And ... uh ... get over it."
~Willow, Where The Wild Things Are


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 Post subject: Re: A Moment of Truth
PostPosted: Mon Sep 04, 2017 5:54 pm 
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28. Com...plete

Joined: Sat Apr 30, 2005 8:18 am
Posts: 4809
Location: Austin
I hate it when people misgender my girlfriend - which was so many times today. She hates it and I wish so desperately I knew a way to help. And this morning when she thought she was going to have to use a public restroom she considered using the men's because she thought she'd stand out less. I know how scary it is for her to present overtly feminine (though she was incredibly brave this weekend and wore a dress for the first time), but when she doesn't people usually think she's a guy and most of the time she just goes with it even though it makes her miserable. I know she has to take it at her own speed, and I can't possibly understand 90% of what she's going through, but part of me wishes she wouldn't make concessions like using the men's room or buying dude clothes - and then I feel incredibly selfish for feeling that way, because this is her journey and it really doesn't matter what I think she should do. Mostly though, I just wish people could look at her and see her how she is. That she could be treated as a woman, period. I wish the world could be easier (and kinder) for all trans ladies. And I am not great at handling my feelings when it isn't.

_________________
"To days to come."
"All my love to long ago.


I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly...

~Jas


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 Post subject: Re: A Moment of Truth
PostPosted: Fri Oct 06, 2017 5:13 am 
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28. Com...plete

Joined: Sat Apr 30, 2005 8:18 am
Posts: 4809
Location: Austin
I'm going insane and thinking semi-seriously about trying to buy a house when my lease is up in a few months. The problem is, I would want to buy it with my girlfriend and she is... not prepared for that. It's something we talk about for someday, but there's no way she'd be ready that soon.
I'd be fine with making the downpayment myself, but she wouldn't be comfortable with that; I doubt she'd ever feel like the place was equally ours if I was the one putting the initial money in. She has $2,000 in the bank and that only cause she just got paid; she has significant student loans, and currently has a few hundred dollars on credit cards from a trip. We make the same money, but she is... not financially responsible. She keeps up with bills and always makes sure she has money for what she needs, but whatever she doesn't require for necessities she spends frivolously. Her only actual savings are in her retirement account. Since our finances are totally separate I don't really mind at this point, but I know it's going to make building a life with her extremely difficult. She's convinced that because we both make decent money, we'll just always be fine.

I'd like to help her come up with a financial plan, but I feel like it's probably way overstepping to even suggest it. But damn, I would really like her to actually save money so that *someday* she could split a downpayment with me - or even just go on a fancy trip without putting it all on credit cards, or afford the slightly-absurd wedding that she eventually wants. (Hell, I'd like her to at least have a safety net beyond her retirement; I've never understood how anyone could stand to live paycheck to paycheck when they have a choice. I am waaay too anxious to not have something to fall back on.)

I want to start my grown-up, settled, permanent life, and I want to start it with her. Buying a house was never step 1 on the list for me, but now that I've put kids on the backburner until she/we are ready it feels like one of the more tangible steps to take. And if I were on my own (and not trying to adopt a kid next year, which would be the plan if it were just me) that would be a choice I could make, because I've been saving for the last two years. But hard to feel like equal partners if one of you is making a substantially larger financial contribution. And I want any home we have together, especially a home I would hope to be in for many years, to feel like *ours*.

So I guess I just have to suck it up and accept that just because I am (or could be) ready doesn't mean *we* are ready. Wanting to live my life with her means not always getting to do things on my own timeline.

But dang is it an adjustment, and not always an easy one.

_________________
"To days to come."
"All my love to long ago.


I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly...

~Jas


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 Post subject: Re: A Moment of Truth
PostPosted: Fri Nov 09, 2018 3:38 pm 
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28. Com...plete

Joined: Sat Apr 30, 2005 8:18 am
Posts: 4809
Location: Austin
I recently came to the realization that my favourite musician has a number of songs that espouse a political view I don't agree with. I feel betrayed. Loving this artist has been central to my identity, one of very few things that I share with my dad, something that connects practically my entire family... I can't talk to my mom about it because she would be devastated. But it hurts. And now every time I think about him or his music, that's all I can think about. I can't enjoy his work anymore, and it sucks.

_________________
"To days to come."
"All my love to long ago.


I hope, we'll have more happy ever after
I hope, we can all live more fearlessly...

~Jas


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