I'm going insane and thinking semi-seriously about trying to buy a house when my lease is up in a few months. The problem is, I would want to buy it with my girlfriend and she is... not prepared for that. It's something we talk about for someday, but there's no way she'd be ready that soon. I'd be fine with making the downpayment myself, but she wouldn't be comfortable with that; I doubt she'd ever feel like the place was equally ours if I was the one putting the initial money in. She has $2,000 in the bank and that only cause she just got paid; she has significant student loans, and currently has a few hundred dollars on credit cards from a trip. We make the same money, but she is... not financially responsible. She keeps up with bills and always makes sure she has money for what she needs, but whatever she doesn't require for necessities she spends frivolously. Her only actual savings are in her retirement account. Since our finances are totally separate I don't really mind at this point, but I know it's going to make building a life with her extremely difficult. She's convinced that because we both make decent money, we'll just always be fine.
I'd like to help her come up with a financial plan, but I feel like it's probably way overstepping to even suggest it. But damn, I would really like her to actually save money so that *someday* she could split a downpayment with me - or even just go on a fancy trip without putting it all on credit cards, or afford the slightly-absurd wedding that she eventually wants. (Hell, I'd like her to at least have a safety net beyond her retirement; I've never understood how anyone could stand to live paycheck to paycheck when they have a choice. I am waaay too anxious to not have something to fall back on.)
I want to start my grown-up, settled, permanent life, and I want to start it with her. Buying a house was never step 1 on the list for me, but now that I've put kids on the backburner until she/we are ready it feels like one of the more tangible steps to take. And if I were on my own (and not trying to adopt a kid next year, which would be the plan if it were just me) that would be a choice I could make, because I've been saving for the last two years. But hard to feel like equal partners if one of you is making a substantially larger financial contribution. And I want any home we have together, especially a home I would hope to be in for many years, to feel like *ours*.
So I guess I just have to suck it up and accept that just because I am (or could be) ready doesn't mean *we* are ready. Wanting to live my life with her means not always getting to do things on my own timeline.
But dang is it an adjustment, and not always an easy one.
_________________ "To days to come." "All my love to long ago.
I hope, we'll have more happy ever after I hope, we can all live more fearlessly...
~Jas
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