A Moment of Truth

[LesbianJedi87]

Even though I love doing it, Im scared shitless to drive. Im ok driving with someone else in the passanger seat, but I don't see myself driving alone. I get all nervous and sweaty....

[Eu Tus Ojos]

I don't really trust people, and see no reason why I should. Why should I give total trust to a stranger if they may end up betraying it? There are some people I trust, but I can't give full trust to a stranger, or some people in general.

This sort of ties in to why I don't ever want to go to a real party - I have a huge fear someone may try and drug rape me. It sounds a bit silly, but with all the sorts of stories about it going around, and the new drugs that can make you unconcious I'd be too scared to drink anything with alcohol, and leave my drink alone for a second.
That and parties kinda suck - I don't like dancing properly unless I'm a little intoxicated, and people don't often talk to me, nor do I to others, and I usually end up feeling lonely and just wanting to go home.

Why do so many people like getting shitfaced all the time?

[dorksrcool]

I often black out when I drink. It's scary. Last night I left a bar at 2:00 a.m. and I don't remember it. I don't remember walking home, I don't remember if I talked to anyone. The bar was about 5 blocks from my house, and I don't remember any of it.

I always feel depressed after these episodes because I know how stupid and dangerous this behavior is. I think about all of the things that could've happened to me. I think about how shitty my life is and I can't believe it has come to this. I can't believe this is what I do to have a good time and to try to connect with other human beings.

I am in a bad place in my life and I have been for the past 3 to 4 years. I'm afraid I will never find a good job, that I'll never make it on my own, that I'll have to move back home and I'll never be in another relationship.

Blackouts are bad.

[mole]

I'm terrified that I'll never amount to anything professionally. I've been in the same job setting for 10 years and I've returned to college to finish a BS (since it seems that you can't move up without it). But I worry that I'm spending a boatload of money (well, the it's the government's money at this point, but I'll have to pay it back eventually) for nothing.

I guess it boils down to not knowing what I want to be when I grow up. A frightening prospect as I'm rapidly approaching 40. It just feels like I should be doing something important, something that changes lives. Does that make any sense?

Thanks for letting me vent...

Michelle

[notl33t]

I have read my girlfriend's blog, by accident and slightly by design. I didn't think she had one, but I found it anyway. I asked her about it, and yes, she admitted it was her blog. It was in the public domain so I feel slightly exonerated . . . anyone could have found it by now, but I'm probably the only one who told her about the fact that I found it.

In it, she wrote many things about me. Some of it about how much she sometimes hates me and wants to be with other people sexually.

The thing is, I'm not going to leave her even though some of what she wrote about me really hurt me inside. That pain is something I'll deal with on my own and with my friends, people who are not her.

Its actually sort of refreshing to read about her feelings without her constantly filtering what she says in order to give me a better impression of her.

I sometimes feel the exact same way she does, probably for different reasons. I wish she was a better lover, but she isn't. She wishes I was someone I'm not, insisting that she's satisfied even though she isn't, and constantly craves love and attention from anyone who will give it to her. I'm not enough for her because she refuses to let me try, she's not enough for me because she refuses to try.

I'm sure I'll look back on all the poetry I wrote about this relationship and this stage of our relationship - possibly even forgetting the cause - amazed at how eloquent it is at expressing pain.

[love_2003]

I am scared of going back to the small Texas town where I grew up and not be accepted for who I trully am.

I am worried about not be accepted by family members that I look up to

[Auriam]

Moment of thuth ?

I have a lot of friends, a big family, but sometimes i think that if i die tomorow? Anybody will know, cause i'm lonely.
Maybe they will see, but how long time after my death ?

[MagicPancakes]

This sucks to admit but I never told anyone.

I am a champion when it comes to killing a conversation, and I have no idea why. I think I just have an odd sense of humor on top of being on a completely different plane than most people and I think that may be because I constantly get stuck in my own mind. But yeah, I'm a conversation killer, and I have no idea how to change that.

[willowsbrain]

---

[wt4ever]

no matter what my friends say, i always feel alone and that they dont want to be my friends. they just see me as a poor charity case. if they are my friend they feel better about themselves.
I am having a harder and harder time trusting people. it seems that whenever i let someone get close, i get hurt. i realize this happens to people, but i tjust makes me want to give up sometimes.

[NewRuthRising]

A moment of truth, eh? Okay.

The last time someone held me, not like a mutual hug but just held me, was seven years ago, the day before my mum went into hospital. I haven't been physically intimate with anyone since she died.

Hmmm....

Moment of truth : The sequel.

I've just realised that the above statement means I've never had an intimate sexual encounter. Yeah, I think that's true.

Wow. Self-discovery time, apparently.

[mangled_monkey]

Hmm. I suppose I can admit a few things here...

1. I have three girls seriously interested in me right now, two of them exs one of them a classmate. Only one of them is one I would consider dating and she lives REALLY far away. I don't know how to tell the classmate that I'm not interested, because until this point in my life, I've never had this happen to me in real life.

2. I've had three serious relationships, all of them long distance. I have never been on a real date with anyone closer than 3 states away from me.

3. I was diagnosed with Systemic Lupus when I was 12, Fibromyalgia when I was 16, and Viral Meningitis at 17. I am 18 now and scared to death of what will come next. Even though my fear practically runs my life sometimes, I'm still very positive about everything and feel that my life will be ok, and I will turn out fine. I think that makes me a hypocrite.

4. I am scared to death that I will die before I find someone that loves me that I love back, and I am scared that I am unworthy of that love.

5. I am afraid to write again because of what happened last time.

And... that's all I have for now, all I want to share anyways.

[MagicPancakes]

I have a couple more things to admit.

I don't have any real friends outside of my girlfriend and my sister. I used to have several good on-line friends but not anymore because I am never on-line.

I am 99.9% sure that I don't believe in a god, and every time my mom asks me to pray for someone I always tell her I will, even though I know I won't. It would break her heart to know that I don't believe in anything.

I over-analyze EVERYTHING. I'm incredibly sensitive so this results in me taking things incredibly personally.

[NewRuthRising]

I've just watched Fantasia for the first time in many mnay years and suddenly remembered the first time I realised I was gay was watching the tarty goldfish in one of the early sequences. A cartoon goldfish made me gay. How's that for a moment of truth?

[db]

Moment of Truth: The first time I saw Grease I cried when Olivia Newton John got all tarted up for John Travolta. I wanted her to stay a 'good girl'. I was 6 I think.

[writerfreak]

Moment of truth eh? I'm afraid my girlfriend wants me to leave sometimes. And I'm afraid that I really suck in the bedroom and that's why she doesn't want to touch me. And lastly, I'm afraid my insecurities are going to ruin me and her. Up until now I've been afraid to divulge anything on kittenboard so not many people know me.

writerfreak

[EndlessDestiny]

Moment of truth: I feel so much a kid compared to everyone. I feel like an outsider a lot of the time. My friends'll all be talking and I'll just sit there unable to jump in. Sometimes it feels like my friends don't want to hang with just with me. It always needs to be in a group. The people I feel closest to are all online, and the number seems to always get smaller. It seems impossible that any person could ever like me romantically.

*looks up* That was more than I had intended.

[Floyd]

I'm scared I won't make any friends in uni.

Annnd that's as truthful as I get on a public forum.

[diamondforever]

I'm afraid of what would happen if I started a relationship with my best friend.

[umgaynow]

If I'm singing along with a CD in the car and I get the lyrics wrong even a little bit, I have to re-start the song...repeat until correct... guess this explains why I scored a 63% on the "How Monk-ish are you?" test...

[Emms]

In general, I suck.

[writerfreak]

I'm afraid she feels like she can't talk to me.

writerfreak

[Willowtree252]

I am going to say this out loud because it is how I feel. I have lots of friends and family but I only feel alive and loved on this board and with my friends here. mainly with my very own Willow and Tara world I live in your storys I love you all thanks for being here everyone

[writerfreak]

I'm afraid that my body is tired because my heart is acting up again and its making me fatigued. I'm afraid it means my heart condition is getting worse. And I'm terrified of hospitals (its a phobia) so I'm afraid that its going to get way worse before I can do anything about it. I'm afraid I'm going to die young.

writerfreak

[DameSansMerci]

i almost died in a car accident yesterday, and am so frightened i'll never get to meet my girlfriend in real life and make love to her...

[Willowtree252]

I am so very glad you are all right DamSansMerci. You might say wow has she gone nuts whats with all the post all of the sudden well I have a new friend who is very good to me and said get off your ass and off the side line stop being afraid to mix and talk to other kittens thay don,t bite ok maybe some do Thanks my Kindred

[DameSansMerci]

Thank you, Dianneswillowtree. A bit shaken, but I'm okay.

Alright, OT: I have now put off my homework for days and am secretly hoping tomorrow will be a snow day. Procrastinate? Me? Never! lol.

[mangled_monkey]

I'm afraid she'll never like me back. And I'm also afraid that she will. I'm afraid that I'll ruin her life with all the shit that tends to happen in my life. I also realized today that I think everyone that I like would be much better off with someone else, even as I hope that they'll be happiest with me.

[Willowtree252]

:ignore

[mangled_monkey]

I wonder what it would be like to feel young, like my peers.