The Crappy Feelings Thread (HOTLINES in first post)

[JustSkipIt]

We went to a anniversary/Independence Day party yesterday. We've gone many many times as they are our friends. The whole thing was sort of wonky with going late and my wife mad at me when we went and they had no veggie burgers and blah blah blah. But still I ate well and had about 1.5 beers and then started to feel really crummy. And my kids like both had melt-down crazies in front of other people while my wife was somewhere else and I was trying to get them under control and we finally came home.

The rest of the evening and night, I spent throwing up what seemed like everything I've ever eaten and purging out the other end as well (sorry for the TMI). I feel so rotten now although I've eaten some crackers and a 1/2 bagel. My wife had this last week so I know where I got it but it's crummy and I'm on a week of leave so I don't want to be sick. We were supposed to go see Toy Story 3 today!

[Foomatic]

Damn, Deb, that really sucks! Hope you feel better!

I have to clean the house today. :(

[Taralover]

My mum went nagnagnag at me and does not want to give me birthday money as I won't say sorry for something that was started by someone else who got right in my face.

[thiswomanswork]

OK, So, here's the story.

This girl and I have been together since Christmas of '08. And let me tell you, it has been fantatstic. I didn't fall for her right away; I was still pretty closed-off from a rough breakup with someone else. But she was patient and persistent, and for once in my life I fell slowly rather than quickly, and I just didn't stop falling for her.
So we get into a relationship, and it gets pretty serious pretty soon, all told. And what a relationship. We're very much in love with each other, alternately delighting or mock-sickening those around us; but not in a clingy or saccharine way. Rather, it's the way we share jokes, smile at each other, laugh together, and just generally fit. She moves in, and it turns out we live together very well, dividing our time between shared time, comfortable together-but-doing-our-own-thing time, and time off doing our own things.
Not to say it's all smooth or perfect; there are bumps, big arguments, things we get wrong first time around. We both have our own issues. But we work things out, and we're happy, in love, life is exciting and fun. Things are great, to the point where I'm really starting to think about growing old with this woman.
The above was not the crappy feelings part. This is where that starts.
So one day a few months back, she breaks up with me. She feels she has lost herself, and needs to find herself again. To do this, she needs to be not in a 'relationship', because if she is then she feels obligation to meet that person's needs. Also, she wants to go live in Berlin again (she lived there for awhile a few years back) in a year or so, and wants to go it alone there, rediscovering the place by herself.
So we break up, and it's rough but we manage... and oddly enough, the way things settle into after the breakup is practically the same as before it. We're still in love and living together, still sleeping and cuddling together, etc. The differences are more conceptual than ontological; there's no longer a sense that this is growing and going somewhere, it's a 'let's enjoy this while we have it' thing. That sort of thing.
Well, there is one other difference, which showed up recently when she developed a crush on someone and wanted to hang out with this person. Ironically, back before we broke up we were in an open relationship and this would have been no problem. But now, I am full of insecurity, fear, unhappiness, general freak-outiness about this. I deal with it as best I can, trying to be mature and not be hysterical or anything... but it has caused problems, to the point where I'm fairly sure if I *don't* manage to get past this, it's going to ruin what we do have, which is precious to me. What's more, it will ruin my hopes that once she's in Germany for awhile she will realise that there's something vital missing from her life and that thing is me, and she'll want to get back together and we'll live happy-ever-after, etc. Yeah, I know. I'm a dumbass like that, so sue me.
In any case, in a few hours I'm dropping her off at the hotel room where her crush is staying because he (yeah, he, she's bi) came down to see her, and they're going to be together all night and tomorrow. And if I don't find a way to adjust and be OK with this pretty damned pronto, it's gonna screw up everything. :(

[Taralover]

Lots of things.

Itchy skin that demands constant scratching, and it's on my crotch. :(
The wrong door being left open, the one that makes the dog cause lots of noise when it goes to get it's water (I shut it).
My mother going nagnagnag today and still being bad tempered.
My mum not wanting to give me birthday money.
Knowing I won't get some of the presentts on my birthday list.
Oversleeping in the bath and being late for my best male friend.

[Willowtree252]

I lost my job today so we are in BIG trouble as I am the bread winner. Sandi can't work so there is only me. Well that's my crappy feeling.

[BeneathMyWillowTree]

Animal cruelty exists and continues to live on. I never encountered this personally until yesterday. What I thought was an accident turned out to be a personal attack. Someone purposely slit the throat of the dog I was taking care of. I left him outside to do his thing and when I came back home I saw a diaster. I am heartbroken and upset right now. There is an $1,100 vet bill that turned into $1,300 to be paid. My friend's being the people they are don't want to accept any money from me for this. They don't blame me. There is no way I'm letting this go and not paying for anything. I feel like this is my fault completely. I will never understand why anyone would want to harm an animal. This dog has never done any harm to anyone in the 15 years he's been alive. I don't get it!

[Nue]

Animal cruelty exists and continues to live on. I never encountered this personally until yesterday. What I thought was an accident turned out to be a personal attack. Someone purposely slit the throat of the dog I was taking care of. I left him outside to do his thing and when I came back home I saw a diaster. I am heartbroken and upset right now. There is an $1,100 vet bill that turned into $1,300 to be paid. My friend's being the people they are don't want to accept any money from me for this. They don't blame me. There is no way I'm letting this go and not paying for anything. I feel like this is my fault completely. I will never understand why anyone would want to harm an animal. This dog has never done any harm to anyone in the 15 years he's been alive. I don't get it!

people can be cruel.. and stupid. and they sometimes forget that God is watching.

[JustSkipIt]

Jenny B - I don't usually respond to the notes in this thread but that's just sick and cruel. I don't know how people get that twisted up. I'm so sorry.

[willowtarabuffyfaith]

This morning's been good but this afternoon has been weird and stupid and just arggh!! This afternoon it seems as if everything my mum and sister does pisses me off and makes me want to cry (yeah i have no idea).
So i get to my room and just start crying and feeling all down and depressed. I'm annoyed at myself cuz i have no reason to feel like this, i have a loving family, the best friends ever and everything i need in the world.
So now i'm annoyed and upset over nothing. Oh! and on a seperate note i feel all alone at home and like i dont fit in with my famiyl even though they treat me normally and lovingly.
Yeah so i just had to get this of my chest

[JujuDeRoussie]

It is mom's birthday. It comes too soon after... her departure. I feel all numb. I know that it is normal, and I know that it'll "get better"... But still...

Oh, and our neighbor still hasn't cleaned his gutter which makes ours overflow every time it rains a bit hard... You know summer rains... Overflowing gutters mean back-kitchen flooded. Like right now.

[Taralover]

Spam in my inbox.
Feeling that I will never find my princess.
Missing ashcrash's IM on AOL to me last night because I was away from the keyboard.

[Foomatic]

Didn't get the house. I had such big plans too.

[JustSkipIt]

I hurt my Achilles tendon in a combination of running and accidentally kicking something while swimming. It hurts but more than that, I can't run until it feels better. I feel like every month there's some stupid injury that keeps me from running. One month I stepped on one of Asher's toys and cut open my heel. Another month, I got badly sunburned and couldn't wear a bra. I just want to keep enjoying the feeling of running and get to do it. Arrgggh.

[ScottishAsh]

Ohhh dear... self inflicted illness... never again...

[Nue]

after a bad night of sleep, I was tidying our bedroom when the doorman called and said we had to leave the apartment because the building was on fire! no elevators, a lot of smoke on the stairs, panic everywhere... luckily, the firefighters arrived soon and despite the scare, we're okay...

[Taralover]

I ate too many peaches and had to go to the toilet a lot. :(

[Naeryn]

Today, one of my coworkers was incredibly rude to me.

So I asked her about it. I was actually really proud of myself for doing so - I was the bigger person and was nice about my part of it. I thought that it may be something we could just sort out quickly and then have it be over and done, and get on with our day. No harm, no foul, you know?

So she starts getting in my face about it. She started almost yelling at me about how she wasn't rude, and why would I say something like that? What on earth was I talking about, she wasn't rude, I'm the rude one! - So that was a little upsetting.

Especially when the supervisor came back and started yelling at me for arguing loudly and making the customers uncomfortable. At this point, I think my voice had actually grown quieter than before.

Then, towards the second half of my shift, the other supervisor shows up. I pointed out to him that someone clearly didn't know how to do dishes - one that I'd pulled off the 'clean' shelf was incredibly greasy, and I had to re-wash it in order to use it - and that perhaps it might be worth looking into whom, so that the problem could be corrected.

Before I could get past 'someone doesn't know how to do dishes', I got a curt, dismissive 'that's nice' and a turned back. So I pretty much resigned myself to just shutting the hell up for the rest of the day until I could go home and relax.

...And apparently now I'm cold and unfriendly.

When I got off work, I sat and waited for the bus for ten minutes. It drove by without even slowing down, but the bus driver looked at me. Pointedly looked at me. A relatively minor thing, but it was just one more straw on the pile... and let me tell you, this camel's spine is a-creakin'.

[ashcrash71590]

i hate when you flip out on someone when they don't deserve, but you don't think before you do it and than you make them upset and cry :/

Ash

[willowtarabuffyfaith]

All I want is somebody to care enough to give me a hug and to feel safe and loved in their arms. Is that too much to ask?

[Nue]

after a whole month with her, I´m going back to Rio today...

[Taralover]

My best friend might never meet the girlfriend I arranged for him through the Internet.

[Taralover]

A failed eye test-owch.

[Nue]

My mother is sick ... the situation is really complicated... I don´t know what to do...

[Willowtree252]

I got put on Heart meds and told to change a whole lot of things in my life blah. I have to get rid of some of my stress and slow down can someone tell me how to do that???

[Taralover]

I am not looking forward to moving from a house to a flat.

[Cyteach]

My life is so wonderful right now, yet I can't help but feel like I'll never move on from the things that paralyze me. I feel helpless and weak

[JujuDeRoussie]

I have to drop out of school. I need a full time job. Thanks to French administration and rule of inheritance. I went and asked for officially refuse my inheritance, but was denied this right because I sign a paper for her health insurance that sorta implied I was accepting it. Had I known I wouldn't have, but basically the woman form the health insurance told me that paper was urgent. So, now I find myself inheriting of €44, and of nearly €3,500 of debts. I contacted the people to ask for time. One of them said to send papers and they'll see.

Happy me not. It feels like salt on an open wound.

[Nue]

Wear Purple day reminded me of bad things that happened to me ... Today will be a long day...

not to mention the massive headache that's been here since yesterday ¬ ¬

[Owl]

I had the last lecture of my degree today. I honestly don't know how to function outside of the framework of 'being a student'. It's just so overwhelming knowing I won't be back here next year. I'm using short sentences in the hope that it really conveys my fear and anxiety. I'm using personal pronouns excessively and exclusively because I'm feeling needy and out of control of everything but myself. I am sad.