The Questions and (un)-Answers game

[GayNow]

A: The gravitational pull of the earth has shifted. The recent difficulties with the Kitten Board interfered with all astrophysical phenomena. By propagating the DNS server, the host service technicians caused a surge that gave the Kitten Board full the full gravitational force for the Solar System. As such, Different Colored Pens now controls the tides. Thus, we have no choice but to spend all of our time on the Kitten Board.

Q: Why does fixing one problem with a computer system invariably cause three more problems to pop up in its place?

[Krazy Dreamer]

A: Because computers are like cats. They are very picky, and if you don't handle them just right, and do exactly what they want at just the right moment, they tend to rebel. I've found that slow movement, and a soft-spoken voice gets the trick done every time.


Q: Why am I restricted by time and space?

[SithLordWiccan]

A: Because you managed to avoid life for far too long, and now it's playing catchup to make up for all the time it lost.

Q: If train "A" leave California at 88 miles per hour, how long until it experiences some serious stuff?

[Leafsdude]

A: Depends on where it leaves California. If it's going north, it will take 5 hours before you reach anything serious, if you're going east, 4 hours. South, you have to wait a couple days of travel, and if you're going west...1 second, or until you here the "splash".

Q: Why the hell does Bugs Bunny keep taking that right turn at Albuquerque?

[umgaynow]

A: A recent scientific study has proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that excessive consumption of carrots coupled with crossdressing and burrowing underground can be a highly contributing factor in dyslexia

Q: How many days can my dog go on refusing to poop in the snow before she explodes?

[SithLordWiccan]

A: I dunno. But...*sniff* You might wanna go check.

Q: What's all that churning and bubbling? You call that a radar screen?

[sakkara]

A. no sir, we call it mr. coffee.

Q: why do people order a double cheeseburger, large fries and a diet coke?

[SithLordWiccan]

A: Hey, they're eating McDonald's. They have to have something healthy.

Q: Where did the phrase "take eleven steps off a twelve step pier" come from?

[umgaynow]

A: Hoboken

Q: What's up with this coal in the stocking thing...isn't it time Santa started using a more environmentally friendly negative enforcement or at least a cleaner burning one?

[FineyMcFine]

A: Santa tried to put kerosene in the stockings but it didn't hold up so well, plus they had this tendency to burst into flame when people lit a fire.

Q: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop?

[oneyedchicklet]

A If you do the math correctly you can get the answer. Subtract the size of the persons mouth from the diameter of the pop. Then divide that by mass times the speed of light.

Q Why do some people put a star on the top of a Christmas Tree and others put an angel?

[dark_chylde]

A: Depends on how much the people plan to drink on Christmas Eve. If you're getting drunk and hallucinating and you're just seeing a star, you might think it's not that bad - but with an angel you definitely know you had enough .... some people even take white mice up the tree to make themselves stop drinking at some point.

Q: Why is it that even I though I've known all year it was coming I still don't have all presents ready one week before Christmas ?

[SithLordWiccan]

A: I could answer that question, but I don't wanna get

Q: Why can't I think of something better to put here?

[angel of salvation]

A: beats me, maybe the same reason I can't think of anything to put down...

Q: Why is the Gorlliaz song DARE so addictive to me and I have to dance to it everytime its played?

Jess xxx

[FineyMcFine]

A: It's because of the FBI - they're practicing mind control on the American public and they've put subliminal messages on your cereal boxes that you must get up and dance when that song is on.

Q: Why do cheesy TNT and TBS movies make me cry?

[JustSkipIt]

A - TNT & TBS (both owned by Ted Turner) conducted surveys and research studies years ago. They found that people who are crying are more susceptible to the advertisements they see. They then presented this information to the companies they hoped to get to advertise during their sappy movies. When they began being more successful getting greater $ based on a mathematical formula predicting the likely number of tears a show will elicit, they began producing more tear-jerkers. This also leads to commercials for cotton, Kodak, and that great one for the credit card where the girl grows up and gets married. Of course you have foiled their plan by having TiVo but you're still stuck with the crying.

Q - Why do people drive up to a long line of cars stopped at a red light and then honk?

[dark_chylde]

A: They are trying to frighten the red light with the noise to get it to turn green faster....

Q: Why do I have to go to my parents for lunch today when it's snowing and cold outside and my car is completely covered with snow and I'd prefer sooo much staying home watching movies ?

[tarebear]

A: because based from your past traumatic experiences better left unmentioned, you find it is better for your mental wellbeing to drive and hurdle snowstorms and suchto visit them than having them visit you at your place.

Q: why was mama kissing Santa Claus under the mistletoe last night?

[GayNow]

A: Cuz mama is an opportunistic hussy who only wants Santa for his "toys".

Q: Why is the world round?

[s82 v]

Because someone pressed the red button.


Why did the chicken cross the road?

[FineyMcFine]

A: Because he was too chicken not to. *groan*

Q: Why can no one eat just one Lay's potato chip?

[GayNow]

A: Because we all hope that the more we eat, the better chance we have of getting laid. *another groan*

Q: Why does Sally always give better answers than I do?

[SithLordWiccan]

A: Because she's more insane than you.

Q: But is she more insane than me?

[Krazy Dreamer]

A. I would have to say no, but that does not necessarily mean that you give better answers than she does.

Q. Why does my boss have to be so high strung and uptight about everything?

[Jennpurr]

A. Probably cause she needs to get laid.

Q. Why does it feel so good when your g/f hugs you?

[umgaynow]

A: Cuz boobies are soft and cuddly...like twin teddy bears

Q: If we evolved from monkeys, why are there still monkeys?

[GayNow]

A: Monkeys are actually people who have de-evolved back to being monkeys due to the fact that they are extreme asshats. Thus, their physical appearance changed to match their behavior.

Q: Why do people stick around your house even though you have to work in the morning and you've told them that the party was over 2 hours ago?

[Alcy]

Because they know, as well as you do, that sitting around talking about crap with people you can't stand is the best way to prepare for a long day of work - you'll be refreshed and rearing to go!

Who is Xena Warrior Princess?

[Jennpurr]

A. Richard Simmons

B. Why does my job have to open an hour earlier just cause it's Christmas?

[dark_chylde]

A: So you have one more hour a day to get into the Christmas spirit at work.

Q: How can one (= me) be so stupid to forget to return a rented dvd for ten days ? (this is going to be sooo expensive... )