The Questions and (un)-Answers game

[JujuDeRoussie]

Don't you know it is Holidays time for monsters? You can find them only the 31th of April, June, September and November... Other then those dates they are in holidays. Oh save the 31 October but it is a special one

Why is there people able to eat like 5 persons and still stay so thin?

[Sapphire eyes]

The answer juju is simple- Life's a bitch! The people that can eat for 5 people and still stay so thin hav a special fat sucking mechanism in their intestines which absorbs fat molecules but don't despair because at the age of 40 this special fat storage thing can't hold much fat so it will explode turning them huge overnight.lol me bitter? no? lol

What is the "law of sod"?

[gorn]

A: Actually, you've got it spelled wrong. It's supposed to be the "Law of Zod." Remember in Superman II when the three supervillains from Krypton lead by the sinister General Zod trashed the White House and took over the world? During that time and until Superman was finally able to get rid of them, the world was technically under what is now called the "Law of Zod."

Q: What exactly is that 3rd prong on some power cords for?

[Boschi]

It's there to foil the inevitable, as two prongs don't make a right.

How on earth did the Charmin commercials with the butt wiping bears get on the air?

[gorn]

Easy. Some bright ad exec out there realized that you can put damn near anything you want on tv as long as you do it with cute animated bears. I actually hope this catches on - have you seen that creepy commercial that comes on IN BROAD DAYLIGHT with a bunch of extra happy guys playing in a band ... but singing about Viagra? I'd much rather see them replaced by the cute animated bears from the Charmin commercials.

The "wi" in Wi-Fi kind of makes sense (wireless?), but what about the "fi?"

[woahnellie]

well the wi stands for wireless so the fi has to stand for fireless.

why is it when we say that we snore we put zzzzzzzz?

[WiccanHandprintz]

The first person who ever wrote about somebody snoring (which happened, obviously, as soon as typewriters were invented) was such a bad writer that he fell asleep while writing his own stuff and did a faceplant on his keyboard. The nose hit the 'z' key, and when he woke up, he said 'Huh, that's pretty funky' and it just caught on from there.

Why do pine trees still have needles in the winter?

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Gremlins living in pine trees make pine needle coats in summer, and then in winter when the needles begin to fall the gremlins replace them with the needles from their coats to maintain their protective hiding spots within the trees.

Why are rainbows rainbow-colored?

[umgaynow]

Yea! I'm so glad to see this thread active again!

A: It's a solidarity thing with gay people...as rainbows only come out in the early morning and late afternoon and gay people frequently come out on Thanksgiving and Christmas...I know it's a bit of a stretch, but they're rainbows...if all you ever heard was leprechauns shouting "Oy, they're after my pot o' gold" and were constantly being goaded into trying Lucky Charms the Frosted Oat Cereal With Sweet Surprises...wouldn't you be looking to broaden your social circle as well? I mean really, how long can one converse on the subject of yellow moons, green clovers etc!

Q: Why does Rachael Ray have so many damned tv shows?

[Boschi]

A: Ah, the key to that is the "damned" part. There is a reason she keeps starting new shows - she keeps trying to outrun her background and make a truly good product. But when you are the child of Satan, it's never long until your endeavors are damned.

Q: What is a blue plate special?

[Paint the Sky]

A blue plate special is the train which takes all the blue plates over the country to places which have a special need for blue plates when they are needed to make orange food attractive.

[gorn]

A: There's no Question in the previous post due to the Writer's Strike. I'm not a member of the guild, though, so I'm free to ad-lib a Question of my own ...

Q: If we have a Food Channel, why not a Drink Channel? Or, more specifically, an Alcohol Channel?

[JujuDeRoussie]

oh but there is one dear Gorn! but for money reasons it has to share the same canal (?) than a lot of others.. So you can watch Alcohol Channel betweeen 2:46 am to 2:47am.

why do we lose our hair?

[CrazyTaraWitch]

Some people have toasters in their brain; after a certain age, sometimes the toasters eject hair, like normal toasters eject bread once it's toasted. Thus of us without toasters in our brain--known as broasters--did not lose our hair.

Why are people clinically insane?

[umgaynow]

A: Because it's much easier to get fun drugs at a clinic than let's say a bowling alley, a used car lot or a cricket match

Q: How do they get all the stupid clips for those annoying supposedly amusing video type programs...do people keep their cameras running 24/7 just in case somebody takes one in the nads?

[Paint the Sky]

Since 1990 all the people born in the America have had a recording device implanted at birth by a very, very secret government agency. This implant takes all the Seen, Heard, Implied and Tangible things that happen to them and transmits it back to Washington via cellphones and internet usage. This SHIT as it is known is then broadcast to a vacuous tv watching generation as a means of intelligence control thereby lowering the IQ of most of the population enabling assholes like George W Bush to become the most powerful man on earth.

Why are things named the way they are? Who or what decided a cat was called a cat, or pasta was called pasta?

[gorn]

Linguistic scholars I've drank with assure me that originally there was only one word for everything, "Ugh." No form of verbal communication seems to have been necessary before that, as the males of the species all knew exactly what they wanted and were reasonably sure they knew what other males wanted as well. This communal understanding worked fine for A Long Time, but the female of the species does not appear to have been satisfied. Emperical evidence backs up the theory that Women actually invented language and the First Word, as - even today - they have far more to talk about than Men do. All subsequent forms of verbal communication since the Dawn of Time, including the English words of "cat" & "pasta," are all variations of "Ugh."


Question - I am told that Italian contains many more words and phrases of a vulgar nature than English, and yet it is considered to be a Romantic language. Is this true? And if so, does it imply some kind of link between Vulgarity & Romance?

[jay/wt4evr]

Italian has this uniqe nature of softness and armony of its words and it implies playing with them to create some new fashionable sentence that, if decadeses ago was romantic, now it has some touch of vulgarity, mostly because of the frame of mind of who use this kind and rude language to praise uglyness.

Why the chewying gum is so chewy?

[satinpaper]

You see, when the tolomacks invented the precursor of today's chewing gum in 8518 B.C., they first used it as a means of communication. They would cut strips of sweet, soft sap from tree trunks and imprint teeth marks on it, forming different characters on the surface, then they would pass it on to their interlocutor and so on. They were very calm people, but during an increasingly trying period of social upheaval, they started having heated and rather moist debates and arguments amongst each other, and sinking their teeth too hard in order to make a point, during which time they figured out that substance was tasty and comforting for their anxieties. Still, they didn't want to eat that crap. They would spit it out at some point... So they chose chewing and spitting over communication, and hence no one knows what happened to them afterwards.

Why are nipples so roundish?

[inlerf]

Archaelogists in Egypt recently unearthed evidence that showed nipples were triangular shaped before 300 BC. It appears that evolution played a major role in our current circular shaped fleshy bits. Scientists postulate that it is due to the weather, the harsher temperates our ancestors lived in, and the higher rate of breast milk produced (and therefore a higher survival rate) that prompted the evolution of nipples. You may wonder: what about men?

To be continued on the next page...

Why aren't there more, like waaaay more, hot bi/lesbian girls?

[Boschi]

A: Whale song cannot contain vibrato. Ergo natural exclusion.

Q: WTF?

[woahnellie]

WTF? stands for where's the fire. but unfortunately it wasn't put on the side of firetrucks b/c the engine number is much more important.

who invented emoticons?

[littlewicca]

I did, one day I was bored and I thought I should invent something to make internet conversations and forums more funny and expresive so I did.

Why do we have two day weekends and 5 others to work..?

[CrazyTaraWitch]

The Gods are sadistic.

What creates love?

[jay/wt4evr]

ya know, first once upon a time there were these four people, don't know the sex though, they were all involved and they liked having sex but they didn't know how to say that, so they tried to think a little and came up with : Licking, Oogling, Vixen, Entering

why butterflies are pretty?

[Boschi]

A: High cholesterol was meant to be on the wing. It's a beautiful thing, seeing something in it's place.

Q: Why the hell is something the size of a softball called a grapefruit?

[jay/wt4evr]

coz ya know what they say about grapefruit even though it's not soft the little amount of juices in in its core makes it so lickable as a little hard nub

Why 'zzzz' if it's more like 'snort'?

[sweet satin lover]

Because there is no short key on the keyboard and snort takes too long to spell and if people are sleepy they dont want to take agews expressing it so they just say "zzzz" Plus Z is the last latter of the alphabet and we go to bed at the last moments of the day so it makes sense.

Why does a company stop a bubble bath when I really really love it?

[umgaynow]

A: One reason...all those "Now I'm All Pruny" lawsuits

Q: Why is there one in every family?

[sweet satin lover]

A. Because a demon gave birth to an egg and out of that egg hatched loads of "one's" and in time they were distributed into families living perfectly as humans and even possesing attributes of their brothers and sisters and parents.
Q Why hasnt my Avon order arrived yet?