Hi WTJunkie:
It sounds like you are preparing yourself very well for the surgery and subsequent treatment to come. Wow. All the best. Here’s to courage.
When I was 36 I had surgery for breast cancer and about a year of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. That was nearly 9 years ago, and aside from a bum arthritic knee (too much touch football with my church youth group in the 1970s!), I’m doing really well. No recurrence.
One thing I remember that I didn’t like when I was going through chemotherapy, were some women who had gone through the same, telling me they never missed a day of work, that the best thing they did ever did was walk a mile a day after chemotherapy, that I should keep moving to avoid depression, blah, blah, blah. But, good grief, after my treatments, I was sick, exhausted, and could barely walk down the hall, let alone around the block. I didn’t find their comments – even though best intentioned – remotely helpful. Suffice to say: you’re unique, your body’s unique, and you’ll cope with whatever comes your way in your unique way(s). You might be the type who needs to keep going no matter what. Or you might be like me: I just really needed permission just to “be”.
It’s wonderful you have a partner on which you can depend to help you throughout and beyond. Have you both thought how she will get the support that she will need as one of your main care-givers? My partner, who helped me through mine, has often reflected that during my months of chemotherapy, at church everyone would rally around me after the service, but no one would ask how she was coping. Or if they did, it was really an afterthought.
Funny about support groups; I really didn’t desire to be part of a formal one because I’m really timid and private person, and don’t desire very many people in my personal space. But my partner found the carers support group that she joined to be really helpful to her. There, with people going through the same as she, she could voice some of her darker thoughts that others might think were selfish or callous.
Part of the reason I might not have found the need for ‘formal’ support groups as much, was that I opted to be part of a clinical trial for my chemotherapy cocktails and routine. So I was treated very specially by the hospital staff to make sure the trial procedures were followed to the letter T. If you are eligible for a trial in which your hospital is involved, I would highly recommend you and your partner talking about it as a viable option. I certainly got more individual care than if I had not joined the trial.
Another built in support group that I had was my faith community. It was a brilliant liberal Protestant mainline church community, very supportive of my relationship (I’m lesbian) and a source of joy.
So maybe, if there aren’t exactly the kinds of cancer support groups in your area, you might find ‘support’ built into other groups that you’re involved with: a sports team, writer’s group, religious community (church, mosque, synagogue, temple), and you’re right -- the Kittenboard. Do you have a Willow 6 inch figure? Why not take it to the hospital to keep you company by your bed. Who knows, you might find some W/T support amongst the nursing staff! Really, I’m serious. :)
Gosh, wow, all the very best. Will you and your partner keep us posted in this thread about how you’re doing? I hope so.
-- daiailun
