Can wise ones help a barely out novice in Sapphic Love?

[Lt Sticks]

Lol i couldnt think of a good title for this thread, sorry.



Ok this is my first thread in this board, god this is scary.



Anyway, i have some problems, which maybe some other kittens of my age might have too, so if this helps anyone else then gr8.



Ok Im 18, and ive been out to most ppl for about 3-4 months. And im having problems. Not with people being nasty, but in me finding a girl.



Since I moved to newcastle for university, i have been treated to the experience of visiting the gay scene for the first time in my life. My hometown didnt have anything for LGBTs to really enjoy so i had to wait until i was here to really interact with other people like me.



And theres been some girls that have seemed interested, and ive been interested in some, but i have the big problem of not actually knowing if what im doing is the right thing, and not just me being an idiot. lol. I think i have the horrible dilemma of thinking im going to stuff up, and so if anyone can give me any advice to gain confidence, it would be great.



~Emma

A fire in my heart, reborn from the ashes...just call me Phoenix


I'm Under Your Spell, nothing I can do, you just took my soul with you...

JediBites.Com Forums

[angelofinsanity]

what can i say?

the most important thing is to be yourself, if you can-be nice, laugh at her jokes, smile (oh the power of a smile!!) and charm the pants out of her



if you stuff up, you stuff up. don't take it too bad-you can't be a pro overnight (it takes 2-4 nights )





ok- i'll shut up now and leave it to the pro's for better advice. hehe Good luck to you-



STacy

[Lt Sticks]

lol thanks

A fire in my heart, reborn from the ashes...just call me Phoenix


I'm Under Your Spell, nothing I can do, you just took my soul with you...

JediBites.Com Forums

[Tempest Duer]

Well Sticks baby, I can tell you that you've got personality. I can attest to that. But yeah, you know, just be yourself. I know it's a cliche, but it worked for me.



I won't claim to be an expert. Hell, I'm as much of a novice as you. But yeah, just be yourself. Or charming. Whichever works.

Willow: Hey Buff. One more thing. Buffy: Yeah? Willow: I’m gay. Buffy: Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.

~Remember to Breathe by Yellow Crayon

[Shinnen]

Quote:

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charm the pants out of her

---

Stacy, I'd like to think (with most of the girls i like) to charm the skirts off them.

CheerZ

Shinnen



She's the most amazing girl in the whole world. She's the only girl who makes my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. When I'm not with her, I'm not living. I'm not existing until I can hold her in my arms again.

[Lt Sticks]

Tempest: *hugs* thanks hun, ive got PERSONALITY? *gasps* wow. hehe.



Shinnen: LOL depends on the girl



~Sticks

A fire in my heart, reborn from the ashes...just call me Phoenix


I'm Under Your Spell, nothing I can do, you just took my soul with you...

JediBites.Com Forums

[Tempest Duer]

Oh, you SO have personality. If I didn't have a girlfriend already, I'd be chasing you.

Willow: Hey Buff. One more thing. Buffy: Yeah? Willow: I’m gay. Buffy: Okay, Will. Xander owes me ten bucks.

~Remember to Breathe by Yellow Crayon

[Lt Sticks]

hehe oh my...

0-100 Members, 23/2/04...the strength has returned...

I'm Under Your Spell, nothing I can do, you just took my soul with you...

JediBites.Com Forums

[primalfigure]

Don't try and force a situation by being...to forthright. Most girls are put off by an aggressive approach. Be charming, I find most women enjoy a little confidence - mixed with a touch of self-deprication. Odd I know, but being able to feel confident that you're saying and doing the right thing, and yet being able to laugh at yourself if you really don't know the answers...is difficult to pull off convincingly. Most people tell me they think I'm a low self esteem having-narcissist. That is a contradiction in terms. Anyhoo...



Be cautious with your opinions, and your heart. Don't think the first girl/woman you meet will fufill all your dreams. Be a realist. People are flawed, allow them to be so...and try to understand their perspective in life. Yet don't be so nice people run you over or use you. Become the type of woman you want to be, and don't fall into the stereotype or the crowd. Most of the lesbians I know wouldn't even be guessed as gay by most people, but some of my best friends are text-book dykes.



Be who you are now...always in your heart. Don't let anyone, harm that, or change it. Don't lose yourself in someone else, always keep your independence and identity. Hmmm, looking back on all I've written it seems obvious, but I hope it helps.

[Lt Sticks]

wow primalfigure...that whole reply struck a chord...thanks

0-100 Members, 23/2/04...the strength has returned...

I'm Under Your Spell, nothing I can do, you just took my soul with you...

JediBites.Com Forums

[itsnotaspell]

primalfigure wrote:



Be who you are now...always in your heart. Don't let anyone, harm that, or change it. Don't lose yourself in someone else, always keep your independence and identity. Hmmm, looking back on all I've written it seems obvious, but I hope it helps.





sometimes the obvious is easy to miss...what a great post!

[dynarb]

Im gonna stick my nose in here and post my $0.02.



Very true to what has been said. Ive been meeting women for over 10 years now...I guess you can call me somewhat of an elder



As said...the best thing is to be who you are. The worst you can do is play an act, most will see through it, others will get even and you will get hurt in turn. Believe me...there are pros out there who love to do nothing but pull peoples strings to get what they want...regardless of what happens to you.



Have confidence, but dont be overconfident. As primalfigure said, dont come on too strong (although some - I admit - like that). Learn to read people and if your not sure - just ask. Dont be afraid of the answers. They may not be what you want to hear as the truth does sometimes hurt, but it'll keep you from a broken heart. Be able to say what you feel with a modicum of humility and some thought so you dont come off uneducated. Nothing worse than to have an opinion with no facts to back up why you feel the way you do.



And most important - dont go looking. If it was meant to be - she will find you...not you finding her. The best things come when you least expect it and also to those who wait. Yes, cliches galore, but oh so very true.



Also, Ive learned that the best lessons in life are those hardest learned, if it is too easliy obtained, then it is too good to be true.



Good luck to you.



Blessed be,

Dyna

----------

Tara: You think you know. What's to come. What you are. You haven't even begun."

- Restless



Amber Benson Accolade

[angelofinsanity]

Quote:

---

And most important - dont go looking. If it was meant to be - she will find you...not you finding her.

---

haha- dyna, speaking from experience eh?

[Lt Sticks]

thanks dyna, that was great...

0-100 Members, 23/2/04...the strength has returned...

I'm Under Your Spell, nothing I can do, you just took my soul with you...

JediBites.Com Forums

[Darcy]

Well, it's been a loooong time since I was in the dating scene, so maybe my advice is out of touch with current realities, but my approach is similar to the one I used as a kid whose family moved every few years.



Find things that interest you and put time into those things. It's a much less artificial scene than bars and clubs. The people you meet doing that will have at least that interest in common, which gives you something non-threatening to talk about during those awkward periods when you're first learning about each other. Even if you don't meet someone special, you'll have friends (which is especially important when you're away from home for the first time) - and maybe one of those friends will know someone that's right for you. It helps if the things you're into are the kinds of things that draw women, since it widens the pool of possibles!



Examples are women's sports (here the big draw is softball), organizations dealing with rape or domestic abuse, political organizations, especially those working on civil rights issues, animal welfare organizations, book discussion groups, music (women's choirs, for instance). In a university environment, I'd expect there are lots of possibilities.



And relax and have fun. There's no rule that says you have to be partnered to be worthwhile, and there's no deadline on finding a partner if that's what you want. I was 30 when I met Corky, and this summer we'll have been together 20 years. Some things are definitely worth waiting for!

*****************
I don't care if it is an orgy of death, there's still such a thing as a napkin! - Willow in "Superstar"

[puddytat]

Um just another .02 cents.



Beware of those that frequent forums like this, they may "find" you, but they're gonna find another as well... just speaking from experience... I learned the hard way. Um, yeah, just friends... just a little online flirting... watch out that when she finds you, she isn't still with another, because it's a pattern that doesn't change, it never will.



A lot of people use the chance online to be someone they're not. After 10 years, I might be thinking something isn't working just right....



Heads up... it'll happen to you.

Edited by: puddytat at: 2/28/04 4:34 am

[FIRESIGN]

Hey Sticks...



My advice to you:

1) Be yourself. They need to like you because of who you are - not in spite of it.



2) Be friends first - that way you always have a good foundation to build on - and something to fall back on if things don't work out romantically.



3) Take your time. You're 18, it may be old to you - but trust me - you're just beginning to live. Play the field - make a lot of friends. There's plenty of time for settling down later.



4) Find a person that is interested and wants the same things that you do. Opposites do attract, true...but once the attraction is over - you need something solid to keep things going. A few differences make life interesting - but the similarities will make things last.



5) Make sure that the person is willing to give as much to the relationship emotionally, etc. - as you are. If you start to see them pull back, make excuses, etc. - RUN, RUN, RUN LIKE THE WIND!!!



6) Don't take their problems on as your own. Be supportive and all - but let them fix their own problems...and if they start to drag you down with them - GET OUT!!! NOW!!!



7) Look at the person's relationships with friends, family, etc. Do they have friends that they do things with regularly? Do they stay in contact/have a good relationship with their family? What do they have to say about their ex's? Are they still friends with any of their ex's?



If the woman doesn't have a lot of friends, or prefers to be alone and secluded - anti-social, even...WATCH OUT! If she's exhibiting anti-social behavior with others - she will with you as well eventually...THAT IS A FACT!



Most people are friends with at least one of their ex's...if she isn't - watch out...



What do they have to say about their ex's? Was it always the ex's fault?? If so - chances are - THEY (the one you're considering) were the ones with the problem...RUN AWAY FAST!



8) Are they constantly saying that they "don't feel good" or calling in sick to work or school? If so - WATCH OUT! HYPOCHONDRIAC ALERT! RUN AWAY - RUN FAR FAR AWAY!!!!

YOU DO NOT WANT TO GET INTO THIS SITUATION!!!



9) Look at their surroundings...do they take care of them - or are they a mess? If the place is a mess - you will either end up cleaning it - or it will stay that way - either is unacceptable.



10) Personal hygiene...if it isn't there - you shouldn't be either! A person should take pride in their appearance...this is not being "vain" - this is simply respecting yourself and others enough to make the effort to look nice.



11) Are you always making all of the concessions - or do they meet you half way? If they aren't willing to meet you half-way, then don't meet them at all!



Lastly - I think that forums, chatrooms, etc. are a great way to meet people. Yes, you do need to be careful - there's no doubt about that; however, there are also a lot of very good people out there - case and point - the kittens. Just use common sense...it goes a long way.



That concludes my .02 cents. Hope it helps. Good Luck!



-Cin aka FIRESIGN

Edited by: FIRESIGN at: 2/29/04 8:19 am

[puddytat]

hahaha



very well put...



makes my point with an !



Some people are just dilusional.



Oh, and none of it excuses looking while you're promised either. That's just wrong. Make sure relationships are ended before taking up another.



And... yes, stay in contact with exes who are good friends, they can help you when you're in need, they know you better that a lot of people.

Edited by: puddytat at: 2/29/04 7:40 am

[dynarb]

Wow...I think that was more than 0.02 there Firesign, but a lot of very interesting and very good advice.



Just a note to the curious...in my statement as me being an 'elder' and 'dating' for 10 years...it's been 10 years in which I came out to myself and stopped fighting the fight of my sexuality. Of those 10 years, 2 were in a relationship that ended with me catching my ex in bed with another woman, the next 5 in a monogomous relationship ending in mutual understanding and the last 3 living the solitary existence of not looking, not dating and just being - enjoying life and what it has to offer.



As I said, don't go looking...for the harder you look, the less chance you are to find. Just live life and things will come your way. Take things slowly, make no commitment until you are both sure...date...nothing serious...ask about their friends, their exes (if any), meet them, meet the family. You can learn a lot through other people.



As for what puddytat said in making sure one relationship is over before beginning another...most definately. Shed the burdens of what you had, empty your closet, get over it...spend time alone. Do this so you do not carry what you had from one relationship into the other. This will only create friction between you and your new partner. Nothing turns someone off faster than to hear..."Well, my ex did/had/said..."



If you think the relationship ended on the back of only one person, then you need to rethink it. Admit to your mistakes because it takes both people to have one, but only one to end it.



Read my quote down below and give it a thought.



And to Darcy...CONGRADULATIONS!! You are that which inspire us to strive for true happiness.



Blessed Be,

Dyna



edited on 02/29/04 to fix typos

----------

Tara: You think you know. What's to come. What you are. You haven't even begun."

- Restless



Amber Benson Accolade

Edited by: Warduke at: 2/29/04 10:39 am

[Lt Sticks]

go Darcy and Corky



Thanks guys. OMG Firesign, wow...lots of points there, I think u had 2 dollars, not 2 cents worth there



~Sticks

0-100 Members, 23/2/04...the strength has returned...

I'm Under Your Spell, nothing I can do, you just took my soul with you...

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