“Sometimes a hurt is so deep deep deep, You think that you’re gonna drown; Sometimes all I can do is weep weep weep, With all this rain falling down” –Rain, Patty Griffin
************
‘Willow?’ Tara’s own shocked voice echoed Buffy’s in her head. Her heart stopped and felt as if it was about to die when she stared at her ex-girlfriend’s body in horror.
‘No. No, no, no...this can’t be happening.’ Tara was screaming inside. ‘She must be cold...cold?’
“Cold...oh, Goddess!” Tara rushed to Spike, tore the blanket out of his hands and ran to Willow. She was about to cover her when she noticed and remembered the metal cuffs bruising her soul mate’s delicate skin. “Get her out of those now!”
Time seemed to shift back to normal as Spike and Buffy hurried to them, the vampire fumbling with the keys to release Willow while Buffy helped Tara to wrap the blanket around the redhead.
“What is going on?” Tara asked fearfully.
“I don’t know!” Buffy replied with a shrill voice. “She can’t be a werewolf, it doesn’t make any sense!”
Tara glared at the slayer as she ran a soft hand on her ex-lover’s cheek. “It d-doesn’t but it looks like that’s what it is!”
Softening her voice the witch leaned forward while running her hand in the redhead’s hair. “Will, sweetie? Do you hear me? Please sweetheart, open your eyes for me, okay?”
Tears began to pool in Tara’s eyes when Willow remained unresponsive to her voice and hand. “Buffy?” She whimpered and looked with anguish at the slayer.
“Um...I, I don’t know...we should um, we should get her to a hospital for now, and figure things out as we go along.” Buffy whispered softly, although she felt like screaming inside.
This couldn’t be happening. Not to her best friend. Buffy was lost in her mind and was startled when Tara yelled her name louder than necessary. “Buffy!”
“We can’t take her to the hospital.”
“What? Why? She’s hurt, Tara! She’s hurt from when I-oh God. Oh my God Tara, I’m so, so sorry, I didn’t know she was her! I didn’t-” tears started to pool in her eyes when she realized she was responsible for Willow’s injuries.
“You didn’t know it was her, Buffy. You were protecting me, and yourself.” The witch explained softly, but she couldn’t help but cringe at the pain Willow would most likely be in once she would wake up. “I don’t want to take her up to the hospital because they’re going to do all sorts of unnecessary tests on her.”
“But-”
Tara raised a hand, the other one still stroking Willow’s hair. “We’ll make a deal. I will check her out and if she has anything broken, we’ll take her there but if not, we’ll take her home, ok?”
Buffy wanted to argue but realized that Tara had managed to put on her own version of the redhead’s infamous ‘resolve face’. “You’re going to do some sort of magical x-ray? Fine, but I don’t like it. She should be checked by a doctor.” The slayer mumbled anxiously.
“She will if she has to, I promise. You know she hates hospital, and she’s going to be as confused as it is when she wakes up.” Tara agreed, trying the reassure the slayer and, more importantly, herself. ‘You have to be fine, my love.’
Buffy backed up a little to give Tara more space to work, and watch the witch sit cross-legged next to Willow. Tara wiped her hands on her jeans and took several cleansing breaths.
Closing her eyes, Tara began to move her hands over the redhead’s battered body slowly and steadily. Tara felt tears falling down her cheeks as she took in Willow’s energy and pain. The younger witch had two cracked ribs and a sprained wrist, but there was no eternal bleeding or any other major injuries.
Tara’s hands quivered as she continued to feel her ex-lover’s aura. It still had darker streaks swirling in it, but it was much clearer than the last time she had taken a look at it.
Tara gasped in amazement as Willow’s aura was now of a dark and rich velvet red with deep honey streaks running lazily through it. The colors were so pure and thick, she had never seen that before in her life.
Through her current injuries, Tara could also feel the redhead’s struggles that had lead to such a powerful yet beautiful aura. ‘She must’ve had to work so hard in order to achieve that...’ The witch thought, pride filling her heart and soul.
Having seen enough for now, Tara slowly released Willow’s aura but kept her eyes closed a few moments, still basking in the feel of her girl’s soul.
Breaking contact with Willow was harder than Tara thought. The blonde witch choked down a sob as she covered her face with her hands when she finally released the last of the redhead’s aura. Buffy instantly panicked. “Tara?”
“I’m okay, I’m fine.” She said quickly, shaking her hands to stop them from trembling.
Buffy frowned and glanced worriedly at her best friend. “Is she okay? Do we need to take her to the hospital?”
Tara shot a small grin at the rambling slayer. “She’s...okay. She’s not bleeding internally, her worst injury is two cracked ribs. We can take her home, I’ll t-take care of her there.”
“Okay, if you’re sure.” Buffy caved. She stood up and brushed dust off her pants. “I’ll run home to get the jeep. I’ll be right back, okay? Spike is there if you need anything.”
Tara shot a surprised glance at Spike. She had completely forgotten he was there. Feeling a little better when he nodded and seemed genuinely touched by the situation, Tara watched Buffy leave before lying down next to Willow.
Mindful of not moving her too much, Tara embraced her girl as much as she could and prayed to the Goddess as she gently rocked her back and forth. ‘Please let my baby be okay, please let her be okay, please let her be okay...’
**********
Twenty minutes later Willow was back at the Summers house and in the comfort of her own bed. Except for a whimper of two during the short drive home, the redhead still hadn’t fully wake up, which was really starting to worry Tara.
“Okay, so we’ve got plenty of towels, warm and regular, warm water, soap, the big first aid kit for big emergencies, water, painkillers, um...I think that’s it. Just yell if you need anything, okay?” An anxious Dawn asked Tara for the third time since they had stepped inside the house.
“Thanks, sweetie, I will.”
“Oh, maybe I should get you one of those-”
“Dawn!” Buffy interrupted her before grabbing her gently by the shoulders. “You thought of everything, you did a great job but now we need to leave Tara alone for a little while, alright?”
The teenager glanced between her sister and her favorite couple. She didn’t understand what was going on, a feeling that was mutual amongst all of them right now. All she knew was that her surrogate sister had somehow turned into a werewolf last night, that she had been hurt and still wouldn’t wake up.
“Is she going to be like Oz now?” Dawn blurted out without thinking.
Buffy slapped her sister hard on the arm. “Dawn! What the hell is wrong with you?!? Of course not!”
Tara only stared wide-eyed at Buffy, stricken.
The slayer cursed inwardly her sister for her verbal slip. The last thing Tara needed to hear was for Willow to be compared at her ex-boyfriend.
“I have no clue what is going on, but it’s not the same, that I can promise you. But in the meantime Tara needs to take care of Will so Dawn, please...” Buffy exhorted her sister to understand.
After one last look at the redhead Dawn finally relented and sluggishly left the room. “You’ll yell if you need anything or when she wakes up, right?”
“Yes, and thank you Dawn; now go downstairs and go do your homework, I don’t want to have to tell you twice!” The slayer warned as she listened to her sister’s retreating footsteps.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at her, it’s just...”
Tara sent Buffy a half-heartfelt grin while putting her hands in the water to warm them up. “She’s freaked out too, Buffy. Maybe you should give her some slack?”
Buffy shrugged, her eyes observing closely her best friend. “I let her stay home from school, didn’t I?”
Tara chuckled at the slayer’s obvious answer, making her smile in return.
“Um, Tara?”
“Yes, Buffy?” Tara frowned at how nervous the slayer seemed, but then it dawned on her. ‘So that’s how it is like when Buffy let her guard down.’
The small, insecure woman in front of her looked nothing like the fierce protector that had fought with the werewolf last night. ‘She’s as scared as us about what’s happening.’
Part of Tara wanted to be angry at the slayer for letting this happen to Willow, but she felt her frustration melt away as she reminded herself that it wasn’t anyone’s fault. No one could be blamed until they had an idea of what was going on. And even then.
Buffy wasn’t sure if what she was about to say would be well taken, but she couldn’t sit still and wait, as Tara as mentioned before. “I want to call Giles.” She admitted with a small voice.
The witch seemed surprised but smiled gratefully. “I-I think it’s a great idea, we’re going to need all the help we can get.”
The slayer nodded, relieved to have something useful to do. “Okay, good. Yell if-”
“I need anything? Don’t worry, I will.” Tara nodded faintly.
The witch waited for the bedroom door to close before starting to uncover Willow. They had made sure the room was warmer since they thought Willow would be freezing cold from spending part of the night in the crypt and Goddess knows where.
Carefully and with a tender touch, Tara began to clean up her lover’s body. Even if they weren’t back together yet, there wasn’t any doubt left in the blonde’s mind anymore.
Never in their time apart had she stopped loving Willow, even for a second. And, in her mind, it always had been more a break from each other rather than a definite break up so trying to constantly remind herself to call Willow her ex-girlfriend instead her girlfriend was just silly now.
There was no way in any hell dimension she would let her girl go through whatever was happening to her alone. Willow would have to deal with the fact that Tara was back now, and that she was there to stay. Indefinitely.
It took Tara almost an hour to clean every cut and every bruise present on Willow’s body. She winced every time she discovered a new cut, and cringed when tending to the wound would make Willow whimper in pain.
The witch took her time to make sure there wasn’t the slightest residue of dust or dirt on any part of her lover’s body. As intimate as the gesture was, there was nothing erotic in Tara’s gentle but thorough touches.
Not that they haven’t done it to each other before, but this time was different. Tara’s every touch, as delicate and cautious as they were, were meant to comfort the redhead and to let her feel that she was safe again.
Tara had covered Willow back with warm covers and was finishing applying a healing salve on a cut on her girl’s hand when Buffy announced herself with a soft knock on the door. “Hey, can I come in?”
“Of course. Any news from Giles?” Tara asked as Buffy came in, closing the door behind her.
The shorter blonde sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes focused on her best friend. “She looks better, Tare.” She remarked with a small smile.
Tara smiled back, genuinely this time as she looked down at her girl. “She does. She should wake up soon too, she’s been moving a little and I think she’s starting to react to my voice.”
“That’s really great, I’m glad to hear at least one good news.” Buffy said with a dejected tone.
“No good news from Giles?” Tara questioned curiously as she gently stroked Willow’s uninjured arm.
“No news at all from Giles. He wasn’t there so I left a message.” The slayer muttered. “Tara, I was thinking, did you notice a cut, or a scratch on Will that seemed different or more recent from the others?”
Tara watched Buffy closely, quickly understanding what she was asking. “No, not really, honestly. I was more concerned about other things.”
Buffy tensed but didn’t look away. “What do you want to know, Tara?”
“How about telling me how bad it really got? You and Dawnie, and Xander, you all kept telling me she was struggling and was having a h-hard time but no one ever told me how bad it really was.”
“She didn’t want you to know...she wanted to deal with it by herself. You know how stubborn she can be.”
“A-about as stubborn as a certain slayer I know.” Tara gently chided her. “I had the right to know, Buffy.”
“I don’t mean to be a pain, Tara but, technically, you’re the one who left her.” Buffy replied softly. Tara sighed. “I know, but I’m here now, I’m not leaving again. I was ready to see her again, Buffy. You can even ask Dawn if you don’t believe me.”
Buffy watch the witch for a moment before running a hand through her hair, wincing when her fingers got caught in a knot. “I wanted to tell you, I swear, but I promised her. I couldn’t, I can’t...damn it, Tara!
“What difference does it make now, Buffy, huh? What I haven’t been told, I saw what it did to her. I s-saw what it did to her soul, I saw what it did to her body! Just how much weight has she lost? She’s practically skin and bones!” Tara barely refrained from shouting.
“I am well aware of that! She didn’t want to let me help either in the beginning until it got to the point where she didn’t have a choice anymore. I had wanted to call you so many times but I didn’t want to break my promise.”
“I think, I think she was ashamed of the withdrawals and of how weak she felt. She didn’t want you to take pity of her, which is a stupid thing to think, but her insecurity issues were acting up again and I needed to be the friend I haven’t been to her in a while...I’m sorry Tara, I hope you can forgive me for not telling you.” Buffy finished weakly, her eyes avoiding Tara’s.
Tara took a deep breath and pursed her lips. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t be mad at Buffy for protecting her best friend. “Buffy...I don’t think there’s even anything to forgive, I understand why, even if it hurts. I guess I’m just glad t-that Will had you to take care of her when I couldn’t.”
The slayer shrugged. “She’s my best friend.”
Both women shared a moment of silence that was cut short when a moan startled them. They quickly shifted on the bed, Tara turning sideways to face Willow and Buffy getting up to go to the other side of the bed.
Tara smiled and fought back a sob when a pair of sleepy green eyes slowly opened and glanced at her before closing again. “Will, sweetie, come on now, open your eyes again for me. You can do it, I know you can. Come on love, let me see your beautiful green eyes again.”
“That’s my girl.” Tara whispered proudly as Willow woke up more fully and made an effort to keep her eyes open. The blonde leaned down and kissed her softly on the forehead, her hand coming up to cup the redhead’s cheek.
“Um, I’ll leave you two alone a few minutes, I’ll go check on Dawn for a while.” Buffy hushed hurriedly before leaving the room, but Tara glanced up just in time to see the slayer wiped her eyes with her sleeve as she left the room.
“Hey, beautiful.” Tara greeted Willow with a tender kiss on the cheek.
Tara felt Willow tense as her lips lingered on the redhead’s cheek. Misinterpreting her reaction, Tara quickly apologized and moved away to give Willow some space. “I-I’m, I’m sorry Willow, I d-didn’t-”
A small hand brushing against her wrist instantly silenced her. Looking down nervously, guilt overwhelmed her as Willow stared at her with pleading eyes. “Tara?”
“Shhh, it’s okay sweetie, you don’t have to talk right now.” Tara said, cringing at the roughness of Willow’s voice. “Do you want me to stay?”
Tara’s heart swelled with joy when Willow imperceptibly nodded her head. The redhead opened her mouth to talk but didn’t seem to be able to voice any words. Tara almost chuckled at the pout that formed on her girlfriend’s lips, relieved to see such a familiar expression on her face only minutes after being awake.
The blonde gently took the hacker’s uninjured hand and let her thumb run soothing circles on her skin. “Just take your time, there’s no rush. Do you want or need anything?” she asked softly.
Willow closed her eyes a moment and stiffened. “Ow.” She croaked.
“I know, sweetie. Here, do you think you can sit?”
Receiving a small nod, Tara carefully put a hand on the redhead’s back and helped her into a sitting position while she piled and fluffed the pillows against the headboard with the other.
Now in a more comfortable position, Willow watched tiredly as Tara fumbled with the bottle of painkillers, dropping three in her hand before taking a tall glass of water from the nightstand. “Here, take these.” Tara sighed when Willow made a face at the sight of the pills. “Please? They’re going to make you feel better.”
It took a few more long seconds before Willow finally took the pills from the blonde with a shaky hand, soon swallowed with some water. Tara took back the glass and kept it in her hands as she now felt incredibly nervous.
“How are you f-feeling?”
“Like crap.” Willow admitted slowly, wincing as her arm brushed against her ribs.
“Tara?” Willow asked softly, her voice still raspy but already better than before. “What is going on, why do I feel like I’ve been in a ten-round fight with Buffy without wearing the dummy outfit?”
‘Oh.’ “Um. You don’t remember?” Tara inquired, uncertainty tainting her voice.
“No...” Willow hesitated as she observed Tara until she knitted her brows in confusion.
Tara instantly went on worried mode. “What is it, are you okay? Are you in any other kind of pain?”
“What are you doing here?” the redhead blurted out but regretted the words as soon as she had spoken them. The stunned and hurt look on the blonde’s face made her feel even more horrible than she already was, which she didn’t think could be possible. “Tara, no, that’s not what I meant!” Willow exclaimed a little too loudly, wincing as her ribs reminding her that any harsh movement at the moment was a very bad idea.
“I just, I just realized that you were here, with me, in our-my room,” she whispered, confused. “Why?” Tara took a shaky breath, not sure where to start. “Willow, honey...you really don’t remember anything?”
“N-no, why?” Willow admitted, starting to panic. She had no idea why she was in so much pain and why Tara was there, acting all sweet and protective of her. Not that she wasn’t ecstatic to see the blonde, but why now, when she was obviously hurt, when- “um, Tara?” Willow stopped her mental rambling as she glanced down and frowned, perplexed.
“Huh, it’s just, um. Why am I naked?” The redhead blushed deeply as she tightened the blue sheet around her. “What’s going on?”
“Willow, um-”
‘Oh thank the Goddess’ Tara exclaimed inwardly when there was a knock at the door. “Is it okay if I...” Tara gestured at the door.
“Come in.” Tara called out after Willow had nodded absently to the request.
Buffy came in quietly, a huge smile lighting her face when Willow grinned shyly at her.
“Will.”
“Hey Buffy...” Willow whispered. The redhead was surprised when she was unexpectedly engulfed in the slayer’s arms for a bear hug. “I’m so glad you’re okay, you scared the hell out of me.”
Willow didn’t have any memories of the last twenty-hours. Not until Buffy whispered in her ear the same words she had told her the day before.
Everything suddenly came rushing back to her. Being sick, her phone call to Tara, getting dressed and going out to get some air... “Oh God!” she gasped in horror.
The pain she was feeling was nothing in comparison of the one she remembered now, from when she had changed into a werewolf.
Buffy felt her best friend’s body stiffened as the flash-backs hit her hard. “Tara, she needs you,” the slayer whispered to the witch.
Tara put her hand on Willow’s leg, squeezing it gently to get her attention. “Will, honey, it’s okay, just breathe,” the blonde witch assured her as her hand moved to caress her back soothingly.
Willow took a shaky breath and released Buffy to glance at both women. “I-it can’t, I can’t be, is it some kind of sick joke?” she murmured, her eyes wide in shock.
“What do you remember now?” Tara demanded gently, briefly hesitating before wrapping her arms around Willow. She sighed in relief when the redhead leaned into the hug and put her head on the witch’s shoulder. “I turned into a werewolf.” She whimpered softly.
“I know it’s not easy honey, but do you remember anything else?” Tara pushed gently and smiled as Willow shot her a restless look.
“Isn’t it enough?” Willow replied, her voice deliberately slow as if to keep her from revealing the anxiety that was threatening to overwhelm her. The redhead didn’t move from her spot in the blonde’s arms, but still Tara felt her withdrawing herself from them. That was how Willow reacted when she didn’t know how to deal with a situation she had no control over; it broke the blonde’s heart to not be capable to come up with anything to soften the shocking news her girl had just received.
Tara and Buffy shared a concerned look as neither of them knew exactly what to do about Willow’s unusual quietness. Both almost exclaimed their relief out loud when the younger witch eventually voiced the thoughts that were running through her feverish mind. “I don’t get it…I wasn’t bitten, or scratched or anything, I can’t be a werewolf, right? It doesn’t make any sense…”
Tara ran a gentle hand through her partner’s hair, pushing a lock of soft red hair behind an ear so she could see her better. “Maybe you ran into somebody in school or on patrol and you didn’t pay attention back then?”
Willow sighed, frustrated from not remembering any details from the night before, but one look at Tara was enough to melt that all of anger away.
She wasn’t aware that she had began fidgeting nervously against her girlfriend until Tara tightened her hold on her and started to rub her belly in circular, soothing motions. “Apart from the school nurse, no one but Buffy or Dawn touched me since you’ve been gone.” She mumbled on her shoulder.
Tara flinched but didn’t let her previous decisions distract her from what Willow had just said. “School nurse?” She mouthed to Buffy, worry clouding her features. The witch pursed her lips grimly when the slayer mouthed back “bad day” to her.
“Buffy?” Tara asked as she seemed to be pondering something. “When you asked if I have seen a scratch or a cut that was different from the others on her, you already had something in mind, didn’t you?”
“Maybe...” Buffy hesitated. She watched Willow intently for a few seconds before sighing. “She’s sleeping,” the slayer whispered.
“I know,” Tara whispered back. Still she did nothing to put Willow back in bed, content to feel the redhead’s sleeping body in her arms. “I think I did see something odd.”
Buffy perked up immediately. “What? Where?”
Tara pointed towards Willow’s foot. “Check her right foot.”
Buffy raised an eyebrow but tugged on the covers to free them from under the bed before taking her friend’s foot in her hands, careful as to not wake her.
“See the scratch on the side? It looks older than the others.”
“Yeah, but that’s not it...She was barefoot outside last week and she tripped on the porch. It was a nasty scratch, I thought she was going to need stitches. Surprisingly enough, I had no idea feet could bleed so much,” Buffy recalled quietly as she heard the faint sound of the phone ringing downstairs.
The hurried footsteps they heard coming their way informed both girls who was on the other side of the line.
A short knock was heard a few seconds later, followed by Dawn’s muffled voice. “Buffy?”
The slayer put her friend’s foot back under the covers with care and stood up. “You should get some rest too, Tara, we might get another rough night tonight. Last night of full moon and all.”
Tara blanched and glanced at Willow. The blonde witch didn’t look up when Buffy left the room, or when Dawn tried to peek inside to see what was going on before being pulled back by her sister.
Tara kicked off her shoes and gently laid her girl back on the bed, making sure she was properly covered in the process. She then lay down next to Willow and pulled her close until she was in her arms again.
The digits on the alarm clock seemed to be mocking the blonde as she stared helplessly at them. ‘Eight hours before sundown,’ she thought anxiously. Pushing back any more distressing thoughts away, Tara tightened her hold on the redhead and kissed her on the forehead.
‘Eight hours.’
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