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It’s easy to blame others. Warren, for all of the obvious reasons. Buffy for not stopping The Trio in time, and Xander for not being man enough to stop Warren when he saw the gun. I even found a way to blame you, Tara. If you hadn’t left me in the first place, then we wouldn’t have been in the wrong place, at the wrong time. But in the end, when you boil it all down, it was my fault. I started on the magics that made you leave me. It was my fault you left. It’s my fault you’re dead. I killed the you, and now I don’t know how to live with myself, and I don’t know if I should… would you have wanted me to go on like this? Suffering for what I’ve done? Or would you want me with you no matter what? Even after all that has happened, I would like to think that it would be the latter, but I know I don’t deserve it, especially from you, which is why I can’t decided if I should bring you back, I can do it, I have done everything I need to do it, now all that’s left is to decide. So many questions: Are you where Buffy was? Of course you are, I can’t pull you out of there like that, maybe you’re not happy, maybe you need me to be happy. That was the most selfish thing that has ever crossed my mind, you don’t need me, but I need you so much I can’t stand it, I could barely stand not seeing you when you left, but at least then I knew I could see you, if I really had to… but now, I know I can’t … and the pain never goes away. I can’t be rational about this; my entire being wants you back, everything about me just wants you to just be happy, and as far as I know, you’re happy where ever you are.
Finished with the letter that nearly killed her to write she began to roll up the piece of paper then lit one of Tara’s candles. She let the wax slowly drip on to the paper to seal it shut, and then lit the opposite end on fire while beginning to chant:
To my eternal
Wherever you may rest
I ask your guidance
Your voice, a no or yes
Are you happy where you are?
Tears began to flow freely down Willow’s cheeks in perfect cadence with the flames that were consuming the paper. The flame went out and the smoke formed the word No, and were instantly blown away by Tara’s voice echoing the words that had been in the smoke. She had made up her mind.
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