Forever Mine - COMPLETE

[KnightlyLove]

Update frequency: Every two days for at least two weeks (that's right, fellas, I've got about 8 chapters already written)
Rating: PG-13 for adult themes and (I suspect) language. Non-graphic sex and violence.
Angst level: Moderate to high. Starts high, but it gets better, I swear.
Feedback PLEASE. Tell me how awful it is, that will only help me.


Summary:
Now, at some point all of us sorry shippers are forced to ask the question: What if? And so I give you, in all its 100% canon (with one minor alteration) glory....

Forever Mine

Ch 1
Once More, With Feeling


"You make me complete," Tara sang, and then came powerfully, her whole body shaking. Her fingers and lips were numb when she came down from it, finding herself on the bed. Willow's arms cradled her gently, and she rained kisses on Tara's face and neck, whispering, "I am forever yours."

The blare of trumpets and the soft sound of a harp brought a soft smile to Tara's face, although she saw Willow wince and bite her lip. She'd sung to Willow; now, Willow would sing to her.

It was a soft lilting melody, suited to Willow's range, almost a lullaby.

"Today I've got to show you how much you mean,
my soul says I love you in every breath I breathe..."

Willow squirmed adorably.

"I'm telling you no matter what I've done
I want you forever, and I'd never run.
Life out of love, if you gave me your seed
then baby, you could never..." Willow struggled to stop the word, but failed, "leave."

She couldn't mean... "Willow?" Tara said, searching her lover's face. The post-orgasm high was fading, but she wondered if it was impairing her judgment still.

"A simple spell would do it fine,
and then you'd be forever mine."

Willow got up, covering her mouth with both hands and inexplicably sobbing. Tara found herself frozen in disbelief, the words replaying in her mind. She didn't understand why Willow was so afraid of her leaving, but there was Willow, standing by the window with her shoulders hunched. Willow, who suddenly wanted a baby.

She made herself get out of bed, and the rest was easy, rocking her Willow and rubbing her back until she quieted. Finally she said, "Willow... school, the Hellmouth, money, careers, a house..."

Willow nodded miserably, and turned in Tara's arms to face her. "I'll have graduated by the time it... you know? We're almost done with college, we could move out of Buffy's... I can work from home..."

She really means it, Tara realized. "Willow, I love you, but we're not ready for this," she said seriously. Remembering the words Willow had used, she wet her lips and then she sang softly, "My soul says I love you in every breath I breathe/ And darling I promise I'll never leave."


Seeing Red

Willow's voice was hoarse from screaming, and she was shaking and crying, too, now. Tara took this all in stride, rubbing her back in broad comforting circles and rocking her a little. They were naked, of course, and the night inked their scarlet sheets black. "Baby baby baby," Willow said. "I don't deserve you."

Tara stopped rubbing and backed off to look at her face. "Why? Done any spells recently?"

"Oh," Willow said throatily. "No, none, no spells, not me."

"Well, that puts you squarely in the 'deserving' column," Tara said with a chuckle. "Although I'm not sure where I'd go, considering how awful at sex I must be?"

"Huh?" Willow said.

"With the crying and the screaming. I must be torture," she explained, and Willow could see through her smile a sincere fear.

"Sorry," Willow said reflexively. "Definitely the inverse. This is the best I've felt in months, baby. Like I'm not lost anymore." Tara kissed Willow's eyelids softly, but waited for Willow to finish. "I guess I've got to make up for all that time I couldn't cry," she said finally. "It hurt so bad, but... It was just the worst ache, and... and... I love you so much," she said, breaking down again.

"I love you, too, Willow. It hurt me, too," Tara squeezed Willow's slight body.

"Baby?" Willow said after a while. There was a long pause.

"Yes?" Tara prompted gently.

"I'm glad you did it." Willow's voice was firm. "I would never have stopped, you know, it would only have gotten worse. You... needed to defend yourself. I was preying on you." She took a deep breath. "I'm so sorry," she said. "I was going to say that before, and then the dating, and I didn't want to presume, and now, but I don't deserve this, I don't deserve you."

"Well, if you really think that..." Tara felt Willow stop breathing, "I guess we'll both have to be single the rest of our lives," she finished, laughing at Willow's response. "Because there's nobody else for me."

"I am forever yours," Willow whispered softly, almost too soft to hear. "We're three weeks away from the end of final exams," she said more forcefully.

Tara shook her head, remembering the last time they'd had this conversation. Without music it seemed more serious, more adult, premeditated... real. And Tara had thought about it, too - thought about a baby, sweet and innocent, a baby born of love.

"There's too much destruction and death in our lives," Tara said finally. "We live with a vampire Slayer, Willow."

Willow smiled tremulously. "But that's just the reason why we should. It's easy to forget the cycle, you know, of death and life. Death is supposed to bring life. It would give us, all of us, a reason to keep fighting, I think... it would help Buffy, and poor Xander, because right now everybody's so lost. Nobody remembers the point of all this."

Tara touched Willow then, and she could feel Willow shiver with the energy. She stroked her every curve, studying her lover's body although she had already memorized every plane, keeping her touch gentle despite the reckless passion in her heart. The idea of doing that to Willow, of filling her body with magic and herself, was unbelievably alluring. She tried to think beyond Willow's eager eyes, burying her face in Willow's copper hair and breathing it in, trying to focus. "Let me fuck you first," she whispered, "Maybe then I'll be able to think."

Willow squirmed in delight. "You mean you don't want to make love?" she said, playing the part.

"There is nothing but animal desire in me now," Tara purred, sliding her body along Willow's and reveling in the smoothness.

Willow captured Tara's lips with hers. "Okay," she said simply, knowing that when Tara was done with her she'd have wrung every inch of Willow out, and that Willow would not be able to move, let alone think, for a long time afterward.

It was true. When she regained the power of conscious speech, she said, "Wow." And then she said, "Can I have your baby please?"

* * * *

Willow's breathing was shallow, almost imperceptible in the darkened room. Outside, a bird chirped, but the coven had drawn the heavy shades and very little light fought its way in to the cell.

She swam to consciousness slowly. Echoes came to her from the past.

Sobbing against Xander, her magic gone and so, too, her soul

The evil tower burying itself once again in the ground, making the possibility of going back, of ending her misery and the world's, impossible.

"Are you sure we should just let her go like this?" Buffy's voice, and a sliver of worry; the idea of a face.

"I want her to stay as much as you do, Buff," Xander's beloved voice echoed. "But we can't help her like she needs."

Warren, standing just inside the Summers' garden with a gun in his hand. There was a splash of blood on Willow's shirt.

In the dark room, her slight body shook in agony, and then stilled. She saw Tara, an angel before her, her skin milky under a white gown.

"Honey, what are you afraid of?"

"A world without you," Willow replied, drinking her in with her eyes.

Tara kissed her softly on the forehead. "And what else?" she prompted.

"Facing what I've done."

Tara captured her eyes. "But you must, Willow. If not for yourself, for our child."

Willow's serenity broke, and she turned sharply away. "She's dead. The magic killed her."

"You know that's not true. She needs you."

"I don't want to be there, Tara. I want to be here, with you."

"I'm not real, Willow. But she is. You can't help me, but you must help her."

Willow's eyes opened, and Tara was gone, replaced by a tiny room, drawn shades, and a hard, narrow bed. She sat up.

The stone floor was cold on her bare feet as she went to the door, feeling a simple charm slide off her body as she left the bed. It was very bright outside, but Willow hesitated only a second before stepping out of the room, onto the cobblestone walkway which surrounded a courtyard, shaded by the roof and vines. She shivered, only then realizing she wore a thin night-dress.

The coven found her standing in the middle of the sunny courtyard, looking to the west, the way of passing souls. Looking after Tara.

* * * *

All about was grey and still,
and the maiden lay
waiting.

Again, there was the maiden,
walking along the great bridge
the avenue of fate.

A golden-white light grew large before her,
while behind and below,
a red flickering glow beckoned.

But before she reached the light,
all the world's sound coalesced
in keening, heart-wrenching distress.

Knowing, now, her soul was chased
unnaturally from its place

The maiden chose neither
the light nor the night, stepping off the bridge,
plunging through the aether.

The endless ground took her in its embrace,
"Why," it rumbled, "when you could have everything?"
"I want... Willow, and to see Jamie's face,
more than anything, even to take wing."

And so the ground released her,
saying as it did, "And so you may succeed
or fail, only speak to Persephone."

She bowed her thanks, and ran to
Hades' throne, begging her cause.
"I hate my lord husband's laws,"
was the dread goddess's chant,
"So yet you may have a chance.
You must pass the five rivers fae,
within the day, so be on your way.
Ever will I watch you, that you should
escape this place as I never could."

And so the maiden embarked upon
a journey to right what had gone so wrong,
ruined by the drunken excesses of Fate.
Every moment in fear that she was too late
in her fight to save Willow, no matter the cost,
Willow, without her anchor, surely lost.

[angieb86]

DIBS!

Captivating. I LOVE. IT. I LOVE IT!

Definitely loved the interspersed Greek mythology in it, also. Love the story of Persephone and Hades; It is one of my all time favorites.

DEFINITELY keep doing what you're doing...I love the direction in which it seems to be heading.

Can't wait for what's next!

Best,
Angela

[nightmask]

woo hoo! for mythology saving the day and Tara! This sounds really promising and exciting I can't wait for more

[Promthea128]

Love the Greek mythology ballad. Just another two days for more? Awesome. And glad you're getting back to Stone Founded.

[DaddyCatALSO]

Like how you're emphasizing this is Tara's decision to come back; an unfortunate number of fics (echoing the storyline Joss claimed to have been considering) have her brought back thru a one-sided wish by one of those left behind.

I also love anything involving our girls with mythology, Classical, Keltic, or what have you :-).

[indigokane]

great start!!! looking great so far, but you might try place a line between sections, help keep things neat and tidy, let the reader know it's a scene change. looking forward to seeing more of the finished product, big fan of greek mythology, can't wait to see where you take it.

tina

#1 fangirl

[KnightlyLove]

Thanks all for the feedback!

angieb86
Thanks for reading. The underworld gods are in fact pretty fun; you'll see a bit of them later that's much less romanticized.

nightmask
Thanks!

Promthea128
=P I've decided I need to hit that entire world with a sledgehammer from the other direction, so I'm just going to wrap up Stone Founded pretty fast as a prequel to a fiction with Buffy starring, which may or may not ever be written. hehe.
Thanks for reading this one, too!

DaddyCatALSO
Hey DaddyCat! I remember you from four years ago, I used to be synthwrr and you were very supportive about Between Breaths, which was never finished. I'm okay with it not being finished, though, considering Queen of Hearts does like 20x as good a job!
Tara's agency is an important element of this story, and it was very astute of you to pick up on that. Tara can be so easily misunderstood as a passive player in the relationship, which really bothers me. I'm also just sick of the dead being so damn powerless.
Although I don't go into the complexities of their relationship here, Willow's desperation to offer her body to Tara is also an important part of my take on "them." Even while Willow is violating Tara, she truly still loves her, and her proposal has as much to do with the desire to "have her forever" as it does Willow's need for reconciliation by way of a sort of role reversal. Willow goes belly-up in an attempt to make up for her previous excessively dominant behavior, something that's echoed in countless BDSM fictions.
Tina said that I should let the Kittens decide whether it's really bad to implicate a baby in Willow's attempt to make up for her past actions... I think it's morally reprehensible, but hey, what's done is done, right?

indigokane
Thanks for the response, you inferior Beta you =P

[KnightlyLove]

Bit of serious angst here at the beginning...
Also, I retroactively thank indigokane for being my Beta (I also updated intro thread). Sorry Tina! I have no excuse *hangs head*


Ch 2

All of the coven stood vigil with her until the sun went down, and then they approached her. "Willow, we must cleanse you," said an elderly woman, and then strong hands took her arms and walked her - almost carried her - out of the large building and into the night. It had quick become pitch black, and Willow stumbled along, barefoot, stubbing her toes on the unfamiliar path, hard packed by use.

After what seemed an eternity, they reached a moonlit grove. In the center of the grove there was a tiled pool, and Willow could hear the babbling of a nearby stream. She later discovered that the pool was fed by the stream, and that the stream continued beyond the pool into the forest.

They were all humming, and fluidly out of the humming came a strong voice. "Goddess-nymph, we beseech you, cleanse this woman of the darkness that haunts her." Then the humming stopped, and as one the group chanted something in a language Willow didn't uderstand.

They stopped, and everyone waited. Willow's companions released her arms, and there were a few agonizing moments before she walked to the pool and hesitantly stepped in. The water was freezing, but once she'd started she didn't turn back, until she was standing on the tiled floor. Then she turned and looked at the coven. There were probably twenty of them, of varying ages, a few old men, and they all smiled pleasantly at her. Willow suddenly felt like she was being introduced to distant relatives at a funeral.

She plunged into the pool, and the moment she was completely under the water she felt something slither over her body, snake around her, sniff her, caress her. Her body jerked, but she stayed underwater. This would be a good way to die, she thought numbly.

Rise, witch, something whispered in her ear, and before she knew it she was standing again, coughing and spitting. She stumbled up the stairs, and somebody wrapped her in an enormous towel.

The walk back was silent, but by the time they reached the living quarters every single one of them had patted her back. They deposited her at her own door, and then dispersed into the night.

She went inside and lay on her bed, not caring about the pools she made on the granite floor. Her entire body was shivering, and she curled up on her side, eyes open but unseeing. She was glad her body was cold; it numbed the raw ache in her soul.

Then, quite suddenly, she was nauseous. She swallowed several times, but it didn't go away. When was the last time I ate? she wondered suddenly, but that only upset her stomach more.

She barely beat the bile to the toilet.

The rest of it was dry heaves, but now that she was in the bathroom, a shower seemed quite necessary. An hour later and she was still there, sitting on the floor of the shower and letting the steaming water beat her skin.

Why can't it just die? she thought. Why is it so strong?

But she knew the answer: because it was Tara's child. Tara's baby my baby Tara baby, she thought, banging her head lightly on the wall. Gone, she insisted, but something in the back of her mind said, Not completely.

She held herself, rocking gently, suddenly terrified. This baby was alive for less than a day before Willow summoned Osiris, defying a god. Only an hour later she took countless texts of black magic into her, drained Rack and ultimately, the coven's energy itself. It was two days old when Willow killed Warren, and three days old when she tried to end the world. No child could survive such magic unharmed. What had she done?

When the water finally ran cold, she toweled off and put on another robe. She sat, tense, on her bed until the sun rose, and then she walked back outside.

A few people were about, and she could hear the clanging of a bell. She followed the sound to another building, which had its door open and the sound of happy voices inside.

When she entered, the chattering stopped. Then, as if nothing had happened, everyone went back to their food.

The food was tasteless, but her body craved it, and she cleaned her plate. She brought it back to the counter, and for the next two weeks she walked the halls of the coven like a ghost. Giles was here, too, but she avoided him, as she avoided the library. She found that she best loved the forested wilderness outside, because it was there she felt completely alone. When she walked in the woods she could almost feel Tara walking beside her.

It was two weeks before she said a word. They fed her when she silently asked, washed her clothes, changed her sheets, and every night, they took her to the pool and submerged her in it to wash away the Dark magic. During the day, every one smiled in passing. But they didn't push. They only waited - waited for her.

One evening she arrived in the coven late, after a very long walk, and Giles was standing at the gate to the gardens. She considered circling the complex and entering in the front, but he was watching her.

She gulped and walked up to him, meeting his eyes when they were a few feet apart. "I have missed you, my dear Willow," he said sadly.

A thousand emotions buffeted her at that moment: terrible sadness, relief, residual fear... but most of all, a deep loneliness. Giles had been her father for a long time, and all she wanted was to be held in that warm, firm grip, safe from decisions and the harm that comes from them. She remembered what she'd done to him, and never expected forgiveness. She had expected to be alone.

All of her strength left her, and she collapsed in his arms, still oddly silent. Finally she broke away and looked at him, opened her mouth. "Thank you," she whispered.

When she started speaking, the coven opened its arms to her, for comfort but mostly for teaching. Groups of them gathered, and Willow was brought to them to praise the Earth Mother, learning to ask for what she took before, to give as she took, and all the connections of the world - the place of pain, and the place of hope. When they prayed together, Willow almost felt that nothing was wrong.

Eventually Willow started understanding that while the coven was welcoming, they also held back from fully embracing her. She felt their eyes on her, even when she was doing nothing. She felt the slow caution, the... fear. These women were very wise, knowledgeable, and unified - yet all of them together had nothing close to Willow's power alone. They taught her restraint, but it was up to her to take these teachings to heart. They could not force them upon her.

Finally, she felt that she was ready. That day she took a long walk. At noon, she reached a huge meadow. The spring flowers had all but faded now, leaving in their place summer seeds, grass and bush and tree.

She closed her eyes, remembering Tara, her quiet strength, the power that went deep to her core. Willow wondered what sort of magic went to her core, but she knew it wasn't Tara's kind. It can still be good, though, Willow thought.

What did Tara see when she looked at her aura? She would never know, but Tara wouldn't love her if she was made to do evil. She would never concieve a child if she knew it to be a mistake. Of this, Willow was certain. She remembered the first time they cast a spell together, their hands and magic twining, producing incredible force. Their magic together had never been bad; it had only healed them, brought them closer together. How could that have gone wrong? What selfish darkness seduced Willow away from Tara's magic?

She'd always had Tara, from the moment they met, and the injustice of it burned. Tara's love was quiet and gentle, unassuming, and for all that just as bright and powerful as a love that moved mountains and sent nations to war. She should have expected me to give her the world; instead she asked whether we could still be friends.

The day was still, and the sky, cloudless. She stood alone at the edge of the clearing, yet as she took deep breaths to still her mind, she could almost feel Tara beside her, watching the clearing. I love you, baby, she thought. I will never again take without asking, and I will protect your gift, our child, from the evil that I am capable of. So I must cast.

She raised her arms slowly, and the air moved around her, a great gust of wind. It tossed her copper hair and swept through the clearing, loosing the seeds of the grasses and flowers, carrying some of them with it toward a mountain in the distance. She sighed. It was done.

Tara's presence was gone now, perhaps taken away by the wind. Yet Willow was not quite alone. The magic had awoken another presence, barely distinct from her. It eagerly soaked up the calm, happy energy of her meditative trance, of the remaining glimmers of magic - of Willow herself.

If you asked her, she would admit that she did not look so very closely at her daughter, that day or any subsequent one. She would not be able to say for certain that she was not merely feeding on the traces of Willow's magic, soaking up the power. But Willow believed in Tara's goodness so much that she was never afraid when she felt Tara's daughter with her. She never felt her lover's presence again, after that day in the meadow, but she had no regrets. She treasured every moment with their baby.

* * * *

One day, eldest among them - for they had no leader - spoke to her in the courtyard.

"You have learned so much, my dear Willow," she said softly, putting her hand on the small of Willow's back.

"Elder Margaret," Willow acknowledged, smiling a little. Then she shook her head. "Not enough," she said. "If I spent my life here, at the end of it I'd still be scared of turning you all into Blast-Ended Screwts if the porridge didn't turn out right. You're all so nice, giving me another chance, but how can we know? How can you know? I mean... I just don't want to hurt anybody else, and here -"

Margaret put her finger to Willow's lips, silencing her growing panic. "If you spent your whole life here, you would not be more prepared." She waited for that to sink in, and then explained, "You long for the life you used to have, Willow. You need your friends now. We gave you the tools to control your magic, but remember, most fundamentally it must be a decision that you make. You are ready for that now."

Willow considered this. It was true that she missed Sunnydale, and all she had left behind there. But she was afraid to return, too, afraid of looking into the bedroom she and Tara had shared, afraid to return to the dark seduction of danger, the chaos of the Hellmouth. Most of all she was afraid of her friends. She remembered trying to kill Buffy, repeatedly, blocked only by the power of Anya's counterspell. She had almost completely destroyed the Magic Box, collapsing the balcony... she'd tortured Giles, mocked Dawn... and she'd killed Warren, tearing his flesh off right before her friends' eyes. Only through their efforts had she been prevented from killing Andrew and Jonathan in a similar fashion.

Yet, she couldn't stay here forever. She steeled her heart and nodded to Margaret. She was going home.

As she prepared for her return, she wondered again whether she should tell them about the baby. They would think her the Antichrist, and try to take her away. To kill her. Willow couldn't let that happen. So she kept her silence, even with Giles.

She climbed in the taxi to the airport, and her soul flinched from the thought of seeing her friends again. So she didn't. Not at the airport, not at the Summers house, not even in the Gnarl demon's cave. As paralysis overtook her body, and the demon began feeding on her flesh, she prayed. Though death may take my soul, I will walk in the light; I will maintain my self over my body; I will protect my child and the innocence she holds. With these words, she waited, and eventually the Slayer came.

Afterward, she meditated, trying to close the wounds on her stomach. Buffy came to her, offered her own energy for Willow's healing, and she felt the Slayer trying to forgive her. Willow had not fought the demon, and so Buffy tried to fit her into the mold of the child she once was, before the magic, before... Tara. If Buffy loved her in that mold, she would have it.

With Buffy there, and with the Slayer's energy, she focused inward. But before she began healing, she spoke to the tiny presence that looked on. Mama is okay, my dear, she told her. Don't be afraid now.

She felt emotional energy radiate from the presence - waves of the simplest love you could have. I love you too, she said, and then got to work.

[DaddyCatALSO]

There Willow goes "ass-u-me"-ing again. The coven probably could have helped wiith the issues which will inevitably arise from the pregnancy. But she just wouldn't be a Scoobie if she communicated openly, would she? Sigh.

[vazy]

Okay, dude loooooove it! Can't wait for more. I love stories with pregnant Willow its always Tara so its a nice change. I hope Will tells the gang and Tara gets back soon. I take it all the season 7 stuff will happen? Oh how will the scoobies cope now they've got another little one to protect...

[Drah4me]

I need mooore

[Ariel]

KnightlyLove:

Sorry I missed posting on the beginning - crazy week!

Personal note: I will be finishing Stone Founded once this fiction gets its dirty hands off my neck, I swear. I will.

And kudos to your beta, the awesome Tina: <=couldn't resist the stereotype! Forgiven?

I'm really interested in this piece. I'd love to talk more with you about poetry. For now, I like the blank verse more than the rhyming, it seems to free up your vocabulary and has more of a magical, otherwordly tone but I love you using poetry and creating magic.

They were naked, of course, and the night inked their scarlet sheets black.

Compact, beautiful prose.

Tara touched Willow then, and she could feel Willow shiver with the energy. She stroked her every curve, studying her lover's body although she had already memorized every plane, keeping her touch gentle despite the reckless passion in her heart. The idea of doing that to Willow, of filling her body with magic and herself, was unbelievably alluring. She tried to think beyond Willow's eager eyes, burying her face in Willow's copper hair and breathing it in, trying to focus. "Let me fuck you first," she whispered, "Maybe then I'll be able to think."

I love the familiarity with each other AND the excitement. Also, Tara’s thoughts about making Willow pregnant are sexy and beautiful. I also like the openness of their sexuality, that fucking each other and making love are both a part of their sexual relationship.

She'd always had Tara, from the moment they met, and the injustice of it burned. Tara's love was quiet and gentle, unassuming, and for all that just as bright and powerful as a love that moved mountains and sent nations to war. She should have expected me to give her the world; instead she asked whether we could still be friends.

Deeply touching.

I am incredibly interested in this story!!!! I love the suspense and the combination of the otherwordly and the HOT! It moves me! It’s very intriguing and you've definitely reeled me in!

Ariel
How I Met Your Mother

[KnightlyLove]

Ariel Thanks for the FB, and for reading
Oh, there's no doubt in my mind that blank verse should be happening - for one thing, most epics are written in blank verse, and for another, not one person in the world can really pull off more than 3 lines of rhymed poetry.
But there's nothing to be done! I had to write it rhymed. Anyway it was kind of fun.
I wanted to show a little bit of my take on "them" before I made the story super depressing and dry forever =P

Drah4me
*drool bucket* and thanks.

vazy
We shall see, won't we?
I think pregnant Tara is just as likely as Willow, which is why KB's obsession is a bit odd to me. Also, the reasons I listed to DaddyCat in my response to his FB from the 1st post.

DaddyCatALSO
Seriously! I mean, I think she had valid reasons to fear telling them... I mean, the baby's obviously going to be a terrible monster, right? and besides, usually you tell people once you've hit second trimester b/c of the chance of miscarriage.
BUT obviously the optimal solution would be telling them right away. Even if their "help" includes a few pills and a glass of water :'(

[KnightlyLove]

Ch 3
Buffy smiled brightly as Willow closed the Summer house's door behind her. "How'd the interview go?"

"I beat the fastest of 'em by fourteen minutes, but he has a bachelor's. So I'm not sure," Willow finished. "I've just got to thank you one more time for quitting my old job for me last year, otherwise I wouldn't be competitive at all."

Buffy waved off the thanks. "And by competitive, you mean of course that you definitely got it."

Willow shrugged. "This one's half-time, so I was thinking I could just start covering the entire mortgage payments every month. I mean, I live here too, and it'd still be a discount for living in such a great house."

"What? No, absolutely not. I have an adult job now!" Buffy lost her job at Doublemeat Palace, a hamburger joint, a few weeks before Warren's attack, and the teens had struggled through the summer. When Willow'd arrived home, one of the first things Dawn told her was that Buffy was only eating Top Ramen and colored sugar candy. ("Hey! Some of them were green!" Buffy justified.)

Willow was sure that her twenty-hour a week programming job would pay at least double Buffy's full-time salary. "Which doesn't mean I shouldn't pay rent, and look, I worked it out." Willow shoved a paper from her bag in Buffy's face. "We'd have the mortgage within three years."

"But, Will..." Buffy was unconvinced. "You stay as a friend. Rent is paid in baby-sitting duties." Her eyes brightened. "Oh, and I believe I owe you some money?" She started digging through her purse.

Willow sputtered, taken aback. "For what?"

"All the help you and - gave me last year," Buffy said brightly, and suddenly Willow's eyes were filled with tears. She tried to blink them away, not trusting herself to speak. Buffy doesn't want me here. She hates the idea of owing me money. I'm not allowed to be an equal partner in this, because she wishes I was still in England, or better, no longer a problem in her life at all.

Buffy found the check book and attacked it vigorously with a pen. "I've only got enough money for the first installment, but -" she glanced up at Willow and stopped. "Are you okay?" Wilow shook her head. "What's wrong?"

"Y-y-you want me to leave."

Buffy was flabbergasted. "No?" She waved her hand in front of Willow's face. "Hey. What's with the wiggins?"

"You'd rather - rather - owe the bank money than owe me money. You want me to move out," Willow sobbed, completely breaking down.

"No! No, Willow," Buffy said, overwhelmed. She hugged Willow, patting her on the back. "That is so completely not what I meant at all." She laughed. "Honestly, Willow, where'd you get that idea?"

Willow hiccupped, calming down marginally. "You don't want me to leave?"

"Will, somebody's got to hold down the fort. I don't know what I'd do without you, especially when shit starts hitting it later this year." She looked into Willow's eyes. "Your place is here. This is where you belong."

Willow gave her a watery smile. "Thanks, Buff."

"You signed up for classes and all?" Buffy changed the subject abruptly.

Willow had just barely missed the finals last semester, prompting Xander's cheerful observation that she always got a little crazy right before finals week. This earned him a slap from Buffy, who was overzealous in her defense of Willow after her suspicions during the Gnarl incident, the flesh-skinning demon who'd appeared at the same time as Willow.

"Yep," Willow gulped down her tears and tried to regain her composure. "It'll be easy, just three classes and I've already basically taken them." By virtue of nearly perfect marks, Willow had managed to pass two of her classes despite having zeroes on the finals, but needed these three remaining classes in order to graduate. She'd timed her graduation to Tara's, but neither of them had graduated that May.

Willow pushed the dark thought aside. Buffy was approaching her, looking concerned. She put her hand on Willow's shoulder. "Hey," she said seriously, searching out Willow's eyes. "I let you go to England, but now you're back, and there's nothing going to stop me from being there for you. We'll get through this together."

Willow was touched by Buffy's attempts to comfort her. I am inconsolable! Hello? Hormones! she thought. She glanced down at the loose clothes she'd already bought. Let's see what you're saying in two months, she thought gloomily, wondering whether the Slayer had ever killed an infant demon before.

* * * *

Her relationship with her parents, always rocky, had completely degenerated in her freshman year, especially after Tara. Last year, Sheila lost her job, which gave them the excuse necessary to stop supporting Willow in everything but school fees. She'd talked to them over the phone once, toward the beginning of summer, explaining that she was on a vacation that they didn't need to pay for, but she suspected that they wouldn't have noticed her absence if she hadn't called.

She mounted the steps to her childhood home, wringing her hands. Once, those steps led to a sanctuary from bullying - now, she feared, they served the opposite purpose.

Her mother got the door, eyebrows popping up in surprise. "Willow," she greeted, and they walked to the family room.

"Your father should be home any minute," Sheila said, "How are you?"

Willow sat bolt upright on one of the chairs, her body tight and contained. She'd decided to cut to the chase, but it was somehow more difficult in practice. "I'mpregnant," she mumbled.

Sheila shook her head. "What did you say?"

"Oh," Willow let out the breath she was holding. "I'm pregnant."

Sheila stood up abruptly, moving to the window, her back to Willow. "You have always been the most... difficult child," she said, oddly calm. She spun. "And the father?"

The lying part was the easiest. "Not around anymore," she said.

"I suppose they don't have birth control in England?" Sheila said scornfully.

"Sorry Mom," she said.

"You are not getting an abortion," Sheila retorted.

"I'm... not?" Willow played the fool, although she knew that Sheila was fervently opposed to such things.

Sheila's face softened. "You know if you need anything, we will help. Your friends could never understand what you're going through, but... you are our daughter," she said.

Despite herself, Willow was touched. "Thank you," she said softly. Even though Sheila couldn't possibly understand what this child was, the fact that she'd told someone about her was such a relief that Willow felt like crying. And if Buffy couldn't deal, she could come here. Where people didn't want to kill her baby.

She stood, trying wipe her face discreetly. "I should go," she said.

"Why? There's enough dinner for three," Sheila said kindly. Willow wanted to run to her and cling like a small monkey, but a lifetime's worth of training stopped her, and she simply smiled and accepted the offer.



During the events of Selfless
The first day of school, Willow saw Anya emerging from a frat house. She greeted her old friend, overbrimming with enthusiasm about school. Admittedly, the subject was far from thrilling, but Anya seemed oddly distant - and, Willow suddenly noticed, she had blood on her hand. "We just had lots and lots of sex," Anya said, distracted and glancing down next to Willow.

Then she blinked and stared straight at her face. "Oh my god," she said. "You didn't. When?"

Willow backed up a few paces, on her heels. "I - I don't know what you're -"

"Oh come on," Anya said. "Four months, maybe five..." she arched her eyebrow. "This is really bad," she informed Willow delightedly. "This is worse than you, worse than me..."

"It isn't," Willow said, with more hope than certainty.

"They don't know, do they. Nobody knows!" Then a cloud passed over her face. "Anyway, I've got to go, I'm late for... something..."

"Uh... okay," Willow said. She took a few deep breaths, trying to choke down her rising terror as she watched Anya depart.

The frat house was filled with dead bodies and a girl who was seriously regretting her wish. Anyanka had summoned a spider, which sprung at Willow from the ceiling, knocking her flat.

She closed her eyes, took a breath, and asked the Goddess to grant her the power to repel the demon, and she opened her eyes to a crash as it was flung out the window by the power of her spell.

She called Buffy to go spider-hunting, and then went to Anya's apartment. "You need to stop this," she said.

"Oh yeah," Anya scoffed. "As if you know all about the whole being good thing."

"I do! I haven't gone all scary-eyed since..."

"Since you decided to breed evil spawn and bring death and horrible suffering upon us all?"

"Okay, first off, not evil. Second, let's just refocus onto the fifteen men you just killed!"

Anya got up and took the cups to the sink. "Do you know what they did to her, do you? It was a game. They were humiliating her."

"Anya, listen to me. You're in trouble, and you know it. I want to help you," Willow said, trying to capitalize on her momentum.

But Anya just laughed. "You're here to help me? Well that's just great. Flayed anyone lately? Oh, no, wait, you've moved on, now you're concealing impending apocalypse under baggy brown jackets and excessively large cargo pants."

"Anya! Do you really think you can keep this whole vengeance thing up?"

"They got what they deserved! I am a vengeance demon, do you understand that?"

"No," Willow said.

"Try!" Anya said, but now she sounded like she was talking to herself. "They got what they deserved."

Buffy, having dispatched the spider, was determined to stop Anya - by killing her. Desperate to save Anya, Willow summoned D'Hoffryn. D'Hoffryn congratulated her on the flaying of Warren, and was disappointed by her declining his offer to be a vengeance demon. "Though, I suppose you do have other things... going on," he said delicately.

"We need to talk about Anya," she insisted. "Please, I really think Anya's not cut out for the role anymore."

"Oh really," he said. "The thought hadn't crossed my mind."

"Wouldn't it just be better if you just, you know, removed her powers?"

"Willow," D'Hoffryn said seriously. "She agreed to play the role, and now she's got to deliver. Removing somebody's powers isn't something to sneeze at, you know." He paused, considering her. "On one condition," he said.

"What?" Willow said cautiously.

"You must come with me to visit one of my dear friends," D'Hoffryn said.

Willow raised her eyebrow. "And which friend might that be?"

"Oh, a minor god. Trivial even," he said, cocking his head. "Do we have a deal?"

"What is his name?" Willow insisted.

"They call him... Plouton," D'Hoffryn said.

Willow's eyes widened. "H - Hades?"
* * * *

The maiden was fair, brave,
strong as the Andes,
and she never would cave.
Yet the journey of ages
stretched before her, vast,
nearly endless beneath its wraps.

She walked along Elysian Fields
with ladies beckoning only to feel
rivers of delight, and food to satisfy.
Never was the end nigh, and
ever did her hunger grow,
How would Willow ever know
if just for one moment she strayed
and refreshed herself with some fair maid
to feed her feasts upon golden plates?
This a long journey, she wouldn't be late
yet the maiden did not once take
her eyes off her goal, a distant lake.

She walked for years, and never faltered once
and suddenly she was upon the front
of a great castle, gate opened, to wait
for the maiden, unless she was late.
Within, she met an old man
who shifted in form to a dread dragon
with a great golden crown.
Dodging the flames all around
she leapt upon his snout,
and the battle became a rout
for she pulled off his headpiece,
which became a mystical leash
for a much diminished reptilian,
no longer a fearsome villain.

"My Mistress, I tremble
to behold your great splendor,"
he said with a bow, and she
with a flick of her braced wrist,
flew with him to the lake of mist.

The mist was so thick it became a soup
to the bottom, and not to be duped
The maiden released her dragon friend
to take the cave, seeing round every bend.

"All clear," he waved, and so she left
Elysian Fields forever, and on a bet
with Death's rowman, she crossed
with the man who'd never lost,
the first great river Styx, without
gazing into its waters, all about.
For the maiden was pure of heart
and never did hate leave its mark;
the river held not her soul.

There were no ladies, and no food
not even a road, and she hadn't a clue.
And so she wandered, for days and days
till Persephone appeared, and showed the way
"The river Lethe, though hard to see
stops so many in their attempt to leave,"
the goddess said, but upon returning
Hades thundered his fury burning.
"You shall soon see your folly,
for death is my true calling.
Wife, your blessing shall become my curse."

[KnightlyLove]

doublepost

[indigokane]

DIBS!!!!

the story is going great!!!! keep up the good work. i'll try to be a better beta.

[DaddyCatALSO]

Wow.
So - Tara isn't returning completely under her own power, but Willow has to play Orpheus? This could get hairy. (showing my age with that expression, I think)
Props for a D'Hoffryn in touch with the traditonal powers of mythology; seems logical.

[nightmask]

damn this fic is getting cool reading this is really sparking my interest in mythology. I hope when Willow finds Tara that nothing bad happens like with what happened eurydice and orpheus.

[The Best Name On The Site]

Alright, this is really good. I love how the only thing that really keeps Willow focused in England would be the baby, Tara's baby. The connection they have, even after death is so strong. It sorta reminds me of that Greek myth where the wife went to the underworld and he went to rescue her, on the grounds that he couldn't look at her until they reached the real world. I only hope it doesn't end the same way. Anyways, really enjoying this.

[KnightlyLove]

DaddyCat
Thanks for reading! The underworld is indeed a scary place, and not for the uninitiated.

nightmask
It seems everyone is quite concerned about the orpheus issue It'll be a bit simpler than that, or maybe you could say more complicated?

Best Name
Willow's time in England was definitely transformative, and somewhat traumatic I think, even in canon. I do think that Willow's a much happier camper in canon, but it's definitely a mixed bag, especially after what happens in this chapter!

Dun dun dun!!!


Ch 4

Willow's eyes widened. "H - Hades?"

D'Hoffryn shrugged elaborately. "It seems he has an interest in meeting you."

"Would I be harmed or - or forced to do anything, or restrained, and would you bring me back with you? No lost time or unwanted passengers?" she rattled off.

"Certainly," D'Hoffryn inclined his head.

"Well... okay," Willow said, and D'Hoffryn disappeared in a puff of smoke.

Willow was nearly done cleaning the crushed red crystals off the bathroom floor when he reappeared and dragged her through a portal. They spun through dark space for long enough that Willow gave him a look. He shrugged and said, "You didn't honestly think interdimensional travel was always instantaneous, did you?"

And then they arrived, Willow slightly off-put by the puff of smoke she found herself in. This plane was bare and rocky, and everything seemed to tilt slightly toward the center, where two gods sat on twin thrones.

"Ah! D'Hoffryn! What's new? So good to see you!" the male god said. His face was pleasant and round, and if he were wearing more robes Willow didn't think he would resemble a human anymore.

"Certainly," D'Hoffryn inclined his head.

"And this is the witch, you awful lich?" Hades said, circling Willow.

"The very same," D'Hoffryn agreed pleasantly. "But didn't I order a feast?"

Hades snapped his fingers, and a great table appeared, with every sort of food expected in Greece: roasted lamb, whole chickens, an array of fruits and olives, and so on. "Please, my dear lady, sit! Just come and try a bit!" he said pleasantly, and four chairs appeared around the table.

The goddess Persephone approached, and Willow found herself wondering at the plainness of these gods. Despite how homely she looked, she seemed nice enough, although she seemed to be hallucinating a cloud of flies around the food. D'Hoffryn sat, and dug in.

"Come now," he said when he noticed Willow was not touching the food. "Hades' table is the finest in the world. You wouldn't want to be rude," he urged.

"Indeed," Hades added. "I would feel a horrid host if you didn't try some of my roast."

Willow smiled shyly and picked up a haunch, putting it on her plate. "So... how are things in this hell dimension, other than oddly rhymed?"

The goddess became more agitated, speaking up suddenly. "I am sure that my lord husband is not happy with the number of souls we receive of late," she said. "Those damn Christians are taking all of those with Greek blood, especially the warrior types."

Hades shot her a look. "Everything is quite well here, but won't you please have some beer?"

D'Hoffryn was amused. Willow focused on Persephone. "Warrior types?"

"We only receive those killed by violent means, of course," Persephone said, and now her eyelid was spasming.

Greek blood... violent means... Willow suddenly felt ill.

Hades cleared his throat loudly. "Perhaps an olive? Or some pomegranate?" he offered.

Willow stood, waving him off. "No, thank you, I am familiar with Greek mythology. Please, Persephone... can you tell me the last time you received a soul?"

Persephone smiled broadly. "Yes, you're right," she said eagerly. "She's smart," she told D'Hoffryn.

Hades face was purple. "I won't have this, silly mortal! First my wife, and then that witch, and now you! It's an outrage!"

"She's doing well," Persephone informed Willow. "Three rivers left, and then a quick little dimensional jump and she's home," she said proudly.

Willow's heart stopped in her chest. "Where... where is she?"

Hades struck out at her with his fist, and D'Hoffryn grabbed her, snapping into extradimensional space before the punch connected. "I couldn't have him breaking my promise for me, could I?" he said pleasantly, ignoring the confused sobs of the mortal beside him. He sighed dramatically. "Another debt, paid. It's not my fault he couldn't trick you."

"I do so wish you would follow the path of vengeance, Willow."



Before the events of "Him"

Willow killed the car's engine and looked anxiously at the time. 7:32. Great, she thought, collapsing back onto her seat. I really didn't need to borrow Xander's car for this.

She was wearing a grey suit with a deep red blouse, which Buffy had assured her repeatedly was not overdressing. For five minutes she sat in the car and anxiously adjusted her clothes, before deciding suddenly that she would suffer no more. She gathered a pile of folders and left the car, slamming the door perhaps a bit too hard as she made good on her escape.

The building, like most in Sunnydale, was unassuming, squat, and somewhat danker than should rightly be expected. It was well-lit, but eerily silent, although Willow supposed that might have been because she was still somewhat early.

The secretary who'd greeted her for her interview wasn't at the front desk, so Willow made a foray into the cubicles. She found hers quickly, judging from the grey placard. It was remarkably close to the entrance, and looked sterile and empty, with one lonely computer on the desk staring blankly at her. Tara would hate this place, Willow thought suddenly, and then shook the thought off.

She booted her computer and wished she'd brought A Sorcerer: The Biography of Jacob Williams, which had arrived from England only this morning. The coven claimed the book contained mention of extraplanar travel, but Willow had only had a few moments to glance at it before panicking and rushing out the door.

She stowed her folders, resigning herself to a day of blank grey walls.

"Willow Rosenberg," a smooth voice said, and Willow looked up - and up - to see what she was sure was one of the most beautiful computer programmers who'd ever lived. Rich, dark brown hair framed big blue eyes and pert lips, and the woman's very tall, shapely body was barely contained in a blue suit and a skirt which was so short it was almost indecent. The entire image was one of well made-up gorgeousness. "I'm Catherine Rochester."

"Uh - hi," Willow said awkwardly.

"It's good to meet you," Catherine said with a small smile, shaking Willow's hand with her surprisingly bulky one. "Would you like a tour?"

As Willow was acquainted with the coffee machine, lazer printer, and bathrooms, more people were arriving, though still not enough to fill half the cubicles. "How long have you been working here?" Willow asked.

"I moved with the company from Silicon Valley," Catherine informed her. "I've been here five years."

A top exec. "Do most people work from home?"

"We try to keep people in the office as much as possible, to keep ideas flowing. Everyone's more productive in an office environment. But up to a fourth of your hours can be done at home."

Willow nodded. They were standing outside her cubicle again. "Well... thanks for the tour!" she said.

Catherine inclined her head. "You'll be seeing me around. Now, Joey needs some help bringing together his project, will you check in with him?"

* * * *

By the time Willow pulled into the apartment's parking lot, it was almost dark. Xander'd moved out of his and Anya's shared apartment after the marriage fiasco, moving into a nondiscript apartment building. Willow was ashamed to admit that she hadn't been completely sure where exactly the apartment was when she got back from England. Last year, she'd been so distracted by her own problems, by the magic, that she hadn't visited often.

She knocked briskly on his door, and it almost instantly opened. "Hey Wills," Xander said, and then pulled her into a great bear hug. "Good day?"

"Yep," she said, chosing not to mention the printer fiasco. She pressed the key to the car into his hand. "Thank you so much for the car. I totally don't need one, though," she said.

"No problem, and hey, your first day. I mentioned how I wanted to drive you, right?"

She pushed him lightly. "Thanks, Mother."

"Want dinner? I made extra pasta." She nodded, and he started spooning it into two huge bowls. "Did you hear Buffy's plan?"

"The Spike plan?"

"I'm more concerned with the 'my apartment' part."

"Yeah," she sighed. "You were roommates before, it wasn't that bad."

"Okay, you know what? No pasta for you."

"Hey!" she giggled. "Okay, it's a horrible plan," she said flippantly, and then her tone became more serious. "I just don't understand why it matters to her so much, you know? I mean, sure, he's in Sunnydale High's basement, and plus, he's totally nuts. So, where does me caring fit in there?"

"What does it have to do with my apartment?" Xander corrected, sitting at the table.

"Right," Willow said, and then her mind returned to the problem of Tara. Tara, who was in some sort of Hades dimension, trying to cross three more rivers, presumably out of the five. "There should be a way to get into Hades from here," she said suddenly, and Xander stared blankly at her. "All of the myths say that if you go into the right cave, it drops you off in Hades. I was thinking about calling Hermes, too, but he's notorious for killing people who do that. He's a busy guy, you know."

"Will," Xander put his hand on hers. "Are you sure you really want to be meddling with this? Remember Buffy," he reminded her.

She sighed and stared at her untouched food. "But they said she was trying to get back."

"Maybe it'll only work right if you don't interfere."

She squirmed, uncomfortable with the idea. "They seemed so certain that she'd be able to make it out okay."

"Right," he said. "Also, isn't Hades hell? Will, why would you ever be talking about going to hell right now?"

"It's not exactly hell..." she sighed. "I just wish I had more books."

Xander grinned. "That's my Willow," he said.

* * * *

It was Saturday morning, drear and moist, and no Slayer obligations. She'd been through all the books four times, consulted with Giles, even scouted out the demon bar to no avail. She stared out of the window in the room she and Tara used to share, the guest room now, watching the great fir in the back yard slap wetly against the house in the rising wind. She would go to the forest today, not because she chose to, not even due to necessity. She would go because a cosmic force demanded it of her, demanded that Willow found her peace with the forest as she had with Tara's grave.

It wasn't easy for Willow to face down that tombstone, to ponder the reality of Tara's body resting deep underneath the ground. But to face the living memories in that forest would be crushing.

She sighed, jingling the keys to her and Buffy's clunker as she listlessly made her way downstairs. Buffy was, as usual, passed out, and Dawn was at Janice's. The house was silent and dead around her. Tara, Willow moaned soundlessly as she closed the door. Tara.

The drive was a short one, the streets as dead as her house was. Last time, she'd borrowed her parents' car, picking Tara up outside of her dorm. Does that mean I'm grown up now? she wondered, reconsidering the sociocultural implications of car ownership.

She'd packed a lunch, tuna salad sandwiches with potato chips. Tara never asked where they were going, but Willow could feel the excitement radiating off her as she responded to Willow's questions about her lab. She'd been gone the weekend before, a field day to somewhere in Arizona, but she expained in her quiet way that the time was wasted. "Brandon mapped the site with the assumption that the river hadn't changed its course appreciably. At least now we know where the river flowed before, which might be helpful later."

Willow remembered the horrible stab of jealousy she'd felt at the man's name. "You're... um... so you spend lots of time there huh? At the lab?"

"Maybe more time than in my room," Tara conceded with a shy smile.

She said she was a lesbian, she was so clear, she definitely didn't change her mind in the last one point five days, okay Willow calm down. "You know, last night I thought about casting with the Doll's Eye crystal, but it didn't seem right to do without you."

Tara beamed at that, and Willow basked in her smile until the pavement ran out. She concentrated on avoiding the potholes, finally parking the car. "Here's it!" she said cheerfully. "Have you been here before?"

Tara shook her head, and Willow wondered once again how her hair must feel, wishing she had the guts to brush it out of Tara's face. "You don't have to hide from me," she burst out, turning beet red.

Tara peeked out from behind the curtain of her hair. "S-s-sorry. Habit." Her lip twisted.

Willow propelled herself out of the car. "It's called Meridian state park, which is just silly because it's tiny, but I guess there's no size restriction for state parks, and did you know more than half of California's land is state-owned? I mean, that's a lot of state park." She dug around and retrieved the lunches and blanket, barely taking a breath. "I could tell you all about the ecology of it, there's signs all over the place, I guess because they figure urbanites like me would come here and read all the signs because hello? Not usually big with the nature thing."

Tara had circled the car and stood listening to the Willowbabble. "Anyway," Willow wound down, "I thought you might like it because you always talk about all the pavements and buildings being strange."

"Thank you," Tara said softly, and Willow found herself entranced by the way the dappled sunlight reflected off her glorious blue eyes. It was Tara who broke off the gaze, leading Willow to the trailhead. They had lunch in a clearing surrounded by Douglas fir and pine trees, and Willow coaxed a story about a cat Tara used to own, and more about archeology. Afterward, they meandered along the trail.

There it was. The stone face that Willow had stopped Tara by, abruptly breaking off their conversation. She remembered the way the sunlight had filtered through the trees, making the rock pink and red. Willow stared at the rock, wondering where all the color went.

"Tara? There's something I really want - need - to talk to you about." Tara'd almost looked afraid, but didn't interrupt as Willow went on. "The thing... so, um, I guess usually you're supposed to ask beforehand, but... can this be a date?" It came out in a terrified rush of awkwardness.

"A what?"

Willow didn't even want to interpret the look on her face. "If that doesn't work for you it's, um, that's a good thing that you said it, because then I won't just be wondering all the time what was going on, and I think maybe in the future I shouldn't sleep at your dorm or maybe just on the floor like I was planning, and I'm really sorry for all this can we just forget I asked?"

There was a tiny smile on Tara's face, and she stepped forward, reaching out to separate Willow's wringing hands. She released them and held Willow's shoulders, leaning in, her body molding to Willow's stock-still form.

Willow closed her eyes and took the leap, and the rest of it was just like falling, or flying, a whirlwind of first times and expressive passion and pure magic that jarred to a halt with Oz's arrival, and then just as quickly sped up again, and the forest was there through it all, the first kiss and the first orgasm, "I love you" echoing through the branches. This was Tara's place, and after the summer in England Willow felt she understood it perhaps a little better. The Goddess was here. This is where Tara truly rested.

She spent the day walking among the trees, and the sky mourned with her, sending rain to mingle with her tears.

[Ariel]

DIBS!!!

KnightlyLove,

Wow . . . so much here. An amazing mix of the silly and the sublime:

Hades in rhyme? Yeah, I’ve been in rhymning hell before -

"It's not exactly hell..." she sighed. "I just wish I had more books."

Xander grinned. "That's my Willow," he said.

Nice touch of Xander and Willow; always loved their interactions.

But it was the ending that got me:

"Thank you," Tara said softly, and Willow found herself entranced by the way the dappled sunlight reflected off her glorious blue eyes. It was Tara who broke off the gaze, leading Willow to the trailhead. They had lunch in a clearing surrounded by Douglas fir and pine trees, and Willow coaxed a story about a cat Tara used to own, and more about archeology. Afterward, they meandered along the trail.

You nail the dreamlike fragments of memory, the piercing sweetness of falling in love. More than that, you get a real slice of life; a sense of a real date of hours recalled.

Willow didn't even want to interpret the look on her face. "If that doesn't work for you it's, um, that's a good thing that you said it, because then I won't just be wondering all the time what was going on, and I think maybe in the future I shouldn't sleep at your dorm or maybe just on the floor like I was planning, and I'm really sorry for all this can we just forget I asked?"

There was a tiny smile on Tara's face, and she stepped forward, reaching out to separate Willow's wringing hands. She released them and held Willow's shoulders, leaning in, her body molding to Willow's stock-still form.

Touching, tender, awkward and full of love . . . perfect.

a whirlwind of first times and expressive passion and pure magic that jarred to a halt with Oz's arrival, and then just as quickly sped up again, and the forest was there through it all, the first kiss and the first orgasm, "I love you" echoing through the branches.

Beautiful, evocative writing; again, the sense of real time remembered.

She spent the day walking among the trees, and the sky mourned with her, sending rain to mingle with her tears.

Powerful and poetic writing.

Thank you.

Ariel
How I Met Your Mother

[DaddyCatALSO]

I got so scared when Willow picked up that haunch !

Another version of the first time, albeit more a reference than a description; I never tire of seeing people's ideas of that.

Hmm, when Tara makes her way back, I wonder if she'll show up near that spot.

[JustSkipIt]

Awesome. I love the intricacy and mythology here. My favorite part is the memory of W/T's first trip to the woods. Beautiful.

Sorry I don't have time to write more.

[KnightlyLove]

*hyperventilating*
oh my god thank you so much for reading I think I may have just had a heart attack!
that scene was a last-minute addition, actually, it's funny that everybody seems to like it so much. I mean, not super unexpected due to the fact that we're all here for hugs and puppies...
oh man. I feel like I just got accepted to the University of Chicago Law School or... or met Obama...

[KnightlyLove]

Ariel
Thanks for keeping up with it
I can see my romance scene hit a spot for a lot of people... I'm not really a place right now where I feel compelled to write really sappy romance (which is odd, because I love *reading* it), but you know, a bit here and there never hurt nobody.
Hell *is* in rhyme, nobody told you?

DaddyCat
I'm glad I got you going =P tee hee, Willow would totally never fall for that..
Interesting theory on Tara's drop-off location! This update will shed some light on that...

JustSkipIt = my secret deity.


on to the update! (a bit early, but you know... yeah..)



Ch 5
A few days later, another fiasco erupted. Buffy and Dawn were under a love spell, and Willow found herself trapped with Xander and Anya in the Summers house while they all attempted to lift it.

"The Zoraster amulet would work!" Willow said excitedly, and then she deflated. "Except it's lost in Australia."

"You're sure you already tried the aqua enchantus to clear their systems of potions?" Anya said anxiously.

"Yes," Willow said.

"I think it's a demon," Anya said pointedly, and Willow knew she wasn't just talking about the love spell. "The jock-boy must have a demon inside him."

"Oh!" Willow said, partially to escape the heat of Anya's stare. "Here's a spell that might work!"

She gathered the components, glad that Xander was mostly keeping his mouth shut. Anya could stand him, but only if he was quiet. Anya's constant sideways badgering was unsettling, though, and if Xander was talking Willow thought he would be less likely to read into her constant pointed emphasis on words like "death," "demon," "spells," et cetera.

The spell conjured a bit of white smoke, but didn't seem to have any effect on Buffy and Dawn. Then Xander had a flash of insight about the jock, and left for the jock's brother's house.

The dripping faucet of Anya's scorn turned into a flood. "Willow, you are as thick as the Aswan Dam and a lot harder to fathom," Anya said. "You've been here for six weeks. You need to tell them!"

"Shh," Willow said, glancing upward. "Buffy..."

"I can't believe you justify living under the Slayer's roof in such a condition!"

"Anya, it's really not that big - "

"Not yet it isn't! In fact, it's oddly... small," Anya said, regarding Willow thoughtfully. "For a demon-child."

"Look, Anya, it's really helpful to have you around for the spell stuff and all, but I never said you had any place in my personal life."

"It's not your personal life. It's all of our life-lives. I'm just trying to tell you to do what's right, and kill the damn thing, before - "

The doorbell rang, and the rest of the night passed in a daze of faux love and spellcraft which culminated in the destruction of the object responsible for the powerful spell, namely the jock's jacket.

"And so another sleepless night on the Hellmouth culminates," Buffy said, yawning.

Willow looked chipper, though. "Hey, Anya?"

Anya snapped out of a daze. "Yes, carrier of - "

"I was just thinking," Willow interrupted hastily. "I was thinking you might be able to tell me something about... the Greek-born underworld dimension. The rivers and stuff?"

"Do you mean Plouton's dimension, specifically? Pleasant guy, kind of portly, rhymes a lot?"

Willow's jaw dropped.

"I guess that means yes." She shrugged, looking vacant. "Why?"

"Tara's there."

"Duh," Anya said impatiently. "Tell me something I don't already know." Willow's brow furrowed. "You can't seriously be suggesting that she chose to undertake the trials," Anya said finally.

Willow's eyes were wide. "Whaddya mean?"

"One soul in a million does that. Because it's stupid, you see," Anya said logically. "Chose between heaven and the certain death of the soul. Stupid." Willow's eyes widened even more. "I mean, I guess it's not certain death if somebody on this end is helping out."

"Yes! So how do I help?"

"Tara would never be... oh. Right, I guess with that," she glanced pointedly at Willow's stomach, "She might have a good enough reason. Still dumb though." Willow glared at her, remembering why she used to hate Anya so much. "There's nothing you can do to help her with the trials. Once she makes it out, though, she'll be lost in extradimensional space. She'll need some kind of tether, and a body to climb into. And I mean fast."

"Oh," Willow said, head whirling. She saw Xander and Buffy giving each other uncomfortable looks. "We can use her body, right?"

"Sure," Anya allowed. "You need a specific kind of talisman, a Rhoto-Yaara, for the leash though, and there are some really complex spells involved."

"A talisman with a ruby and a certain pattern of etches, right. Do you know where I could find one of those?" Out of the corner of her eye, Willow saw Buffy hightail it out of the room.

Anya shrugged. "I saw one in the sixteenth century in China, but..."

Willow did a quick calculation. "I'm calling Giles," she said.

Before she picked up the phone, Buffy's voice came from the kitchen. "Uh, Willow? Are these your six jars of olives?" Anya grinned wickedly and Willow blushed.

"Willow?" Giles finally answered from his office, after Willow tried his home and Olivia's. "It's four AM there. Is everything alright?"

"I need a Rhoto-Yaara talisman for Tara," Willow said quickly.

"A what?" He paused. "Please start from the beginning."

* * * *

It was the work of a night's labor to retrieve Tara's body from the graveyard, and Buffy and Xander helped reluctantly. "Doesn't this feel weird?" Xander said once. "I feel like we're going to stake her, or... I dunno... are you sure none of the spells involve killing deer?"

Buffy was oddly silent, and Willow could tell she was thinking about the time that she clawed her way out of her own coffin in this very graveyard.

"You heard Anya," Willow said. "We're just receiving the soul, there's no need to sacrifice anything."

Xander's shovel rang hollow, and soon they'd revealed the top of the coffin. Willow gulped, not looking forward to the sight of her lover's five-month old corpse. "It's okay Will," Buffy said suddenly, and her voice rang loud in the darkness. "I'll wrap her up and bring her to the car."

"You sure?" Willow squeaked.

"The only thing scarier than a dead person is a living one," Buffy said, and opened the coffin. Willow turned away, but the stench, even with formaldehyde preservation, was intense.

The car ride home was silent. They set the body on a table in the basement, and Xander said, "Like Frankenstein," with an uneasy smile. "Well, here's to Friday nights." Then he and Buffy left Willow alone.

She sat by the body for a long time.

* * * *

Willow was in her cubicle. The past month had been more than enough time to completely redecorate, and with familiar ornamentation Willow found her workplace almost as conducive to studying as the library. For convenience's sake, she often stayed after work to finish her homework there.

She heard a soft whisper move through the room, the words incomprehensible. She wasn't alone anymore.

"Tara?" she called softly, rising partway off her chair. The whisper flitted around the room again, and this time, Willow was certain. Has she finished the trials? How did she find her way back?

"Baby? Please, go to Buffy's, I prepared your body," Willow pressed, wishing she'd finished all the spells she'd planned. She picked up her keys off the desk. "It's waiting for you."

"Willow," Tara whispered, and her voice sounded strained, tired. A feeling of horror grew on Willow. Something was very wrong.

"I love you, baby!" Willow squeaked, picking up her bag.

"I can't," Tara's voice came again, almost desperate. "The body won't receive me," she said, her voice fading away again.

Too old, too dead, not enough restoration spells... Willow thought numbly. I need another body.

She thought of the fawn she'd killed for Buffy, a sacrifice she'd promised Xander would be unnecessary here. But could Tara inhabit an animal? Could her soul fit? Amy's did.

Was that the life that Willow wanted for her love? Was that a life worth Tara's untold struggle in Hades?

"I love you," Tara's voice whispered, so close that Willow should feel her breath on her neck. But she didn't.

"No! Baby, don't go!" Willow yelled, her voice echoing strangely off the empty walls. "I have a spell that - that empties a body, I used it on yours to get rid of - I can find an animal, a dog maybe, use that - "

"Not enough... room..." Tara whispered.

"Stay with me!" Willow said, and she began digging through her bag. Saffron, crushed alligator eyeballs, that's everything. Willow's lips pressed into a hard line. Tara must have a human body. I will not kill again, not even for her.

She's always been worth ten of me.

It was a matter of moments before she'd set up the spell. She took a deep breath and began the incantation, a spell she'd cast not a day previous. She whispered the words in Latin, hoping that Tara couldn't hear, hoping that she couldn't see. Tara said not a word, and so Willow recited faster, worried that her love was slipping away.

She picked up the ceremonial dagger. The spell needed only one drop of blood, to carry her soul with it, away from her body and into the spirit world. She could see it now - Tara's goodness could ease their child's pain, could make up for Willow's mistakes. Tara would take her body, and carry their child, a much better protector and mother than Willow could ever be.

"Take me," she whispered, and raised the dagger, closing her eyes.


-------------
Edit: It seems I have once again overestimated the transparency of my writing... I promise, everything will be okay. Here's a hint to what's happening: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buffy_Season_7#Episodes

[DaddyCatALSO]

Oh. Ouch.

I like the focus on the practical aspects of bringing Tara or anyone else back. So many things need adjusting. One fic here at the Kitten had Buffy int4oducing the raised Tara as Tara's sister Danielle.

[Finey_McFine]

Wow...that was intense! I just read it start to finish and I really liked it. Lot's of emotional highs and some pretty great detail as well. Aren't we due another update right about now????????????????

[Ariel]

Hey,

Wow, very big step - offering her body in that final way.

You got me - I'm in!

Keep writing.

Ariel

[haha228]

Very nice, you got me hanging onto your next update. The episode summaries can be rather jarring, but you have a nice narrative style otherwise.

[KnightlyLove]

DaddyCat
hehe, that's creative. Yeah, this whole raising the dead thing is kind of of the suckage.

Finey_McFine
Thanks for reading it! Yes, I definitely did badly about updating, apologies all around - party, big paper, driving down to LA, and then a horrible flu have kept me down and out.
I love Racing the Rain, btw, thanks for stooping to read my humble fiction

Ariel
Thanks for reading. hehe you must have been horrified, no quotes this time!

haha228
I know, right? I really can't figure out how to do the summaries, I wince & grit my teeth every time it's necessary. I'm glad you like my style =P thanks for making me your 7th post