Sheets Cosmic Love
Willow felt the air around her consume her very being. The weight of the guilt she felt weighed her down as she took every step closer to the door. The door which hid a room filled with the people she had hurt the most. Her former lover, the girl who was almost like her own sister, her almost brother, and everything that had ever mattered to her were waiting behind it. Everything she had stupidly thrown away. The only way she was managing to step forward was the constant thought that if she didn’t move the two slayers next to her would pick her up and carry her into the room which would totally make the wrong impression on the people inside it. She had to look like she wanted to see them again, not that she was afraid to, or didn’t want to She finally reached the door and her hand was hovering over the gold polished, circular handle when she turned around to face the two slayers. She said one thing, “Don’t let me run out”
Buffy put a hand on her shoulder, “Willster, if you ran out I would be so hot on your trail that by the time you had gotten four steps outside of that room I would be hanging you from the ceiling by your ankles for trying to leave us again. Then I would sic Faith on you.”
Faith from the background protested, “I’m not your dog you don’t sic me on anyone.”
The door from inside had opened and there standing was the most beautiful woman Willow had ever seen, the girl she had loved so much.
“Just so we can get onto the meet and greet and fist flying with Willow I am going to intervene. Faith, you are Buffy’s bitch and we all know that. You cower in fear and listen to everything she tells you to do. So yes, she would totally sic you on Willow. Happy?” Tara said all of this without stopping to breathe or even blinking.
Willow’s mouth was wide open in shock, “Tara said bitch.”
Tara turned to Willow, finally noticing her. She took three steps closer. She looked like she was going to hug her, but instead a slap rang though the halls and Willow felt flames consuming her right side of her face.
“That was for leaving,” Tara said before pulling her close and hugging her. She finally let go and said, “And that was for coming back to us.”
Willow put a hand over the cheek that was rapidly reddening, “Remind me not to leave again. That really hurt.”
Faith chuckled and then pushed her into the room. Inside was not what she was expecting. Everyone had changed so much. Xander stood in the corner wearing an eye patch and a smile on his face. Dawn was over next to an unknown boy. She had changed the most out of all of them. She was tall with short brown hair and looked older beyond her years. Giles’ hair had gone completely white and his hair line had receded more, but he still wore his tweed with pride. There were also several other people whom she had not met yet.
“Welcome home, Will!” they all cried and Willow’s eyes began to tear, this was more than she had ever hoped for.
*****
A few hours later Willow was finally alone with her friends again. So much needed explanation and she didn’t know if she could handle it all, but the reunion had given her hope that maybe, just maybe she could get through this and really be friends with them again, or in her hope with a certain witch, much more. She tried to think but the music in the background was distracting her. It was the only lasting aspect of the party. She had to clear all of what was in the way, and she needed to start now.
“You don’t know why we’ve forgiven you, do you?” asked Dawn from behind her.
Willow turned to face the girl that was years younger than her, “No, I don’t. What did I do to deserve this? I’ve just caused you guys pain over the years. More pain than you should have ever gone through, and I did this to the people I love. What kind of monster does that?”
Dawn gave her a weak, comforting smile, “When you left we were all angry. You were neck deep in the dark magics. None of us could do anything, hell you couldn’t really do anything. Then you just disappeared leaving the wreck you had made behind, but you got better. You fought the dark magic. The coven you stayed at in Devonshire contacted us once and told us of how much you had done. We were so proud, we thought you would come back, and then you didn’t. We were angry again until we all had to go down to L.A. and take care of Angelus. Later, about a month after the ordeal with the first the slayers –in-training told us about you coming. We were so angry. We knew you tried to come back, but couldn’t find us. Now we were all totally separated, we fought we may never find you again. Then today, out of the blue Satsu runs in. She tells us that Faith has found you. Our greatest hope was to find you one day, and then you just turn up. It was like all of our hopes were answered. We understand, you had to leave to get better, you wanted to return but couldn’t. As soon as you managed to find us you returned. So we forgive you, we want to be the Scoobies again.”
Willow’s face wrinkled, “I should have stayed in Sunnydale until you guys returned, but the bringers, they were everywhere and I couldn’t hold them off for long without help.”
“We know, trust me Will. I am upset that we lost so much time, but I don’t blame you. None of us blame you. We are just glad you returned for the first Scooby wedding,” Dawn said slowly walking away towards the door out of the hall.
“Who is getting married?”
“Me, see you tomorrow. Don’t worry about Tara, she missed you just as much as you missed her,” she said opening the door and leaving the room.
“I missed everything,” Willow whispered.
Tara had been watching the exchange from across the room. Since greeting Willow she had kept her distance. It was all she could do to keep herself from running over to the small redhead and kissing her till night and day were once again one. She couldn’t do that. They both had a lot to work through. Trust takes time to build and we have to earn it. She knew she and Willow would be able to be friends, even if they could never be together again. She however sincerely hoped that they would be ‘Willow‘and ‘Tara’ but ‘Willow and Tara’ again. They were made for each other, or at least that is what she felt. Time changes people though and they weren’t the same people they were years ago. These newer versions of themselves may not be compatible.
Willow looked across the room and met eyes with Tara and for a second both could swear they could hear the other whispering in their ear, ‘I love you’. Instead of what they wanted to say they both meekly waved at each other before everyone disbanded to go to slayer work or to bed.
Xander appeared next to Willow when Tara left the room. He had only said two words to her since she had entered but now he was speaking readily to her.
“When you left I lost my sister, Will. I can’t forgive you for taking her away. I never will, but I’ll try to know this new sister I have, because I was so lost without my old one.” He said patting her on the shoulder.
“You’ll always be my mister fix it,” she said.
Xander laughed, the wrinkles of worry from the year as a scooby showing, “You I be pleased or insulted by that comment?”
Willow shook her head, “Neither, I am just stating a fact. You fixed me they day we met. Well, and helped me get over the yellow crayon.”
Xander smiled, “Well, you’ve come a long way. The running way, not a terrific notion, but the thing is I love you. I love crayon-breaky Willow and scared-runaway Willow.”
Willow put her hands over her mouth for a moment, like she had just realized something, “oh… Xander… I am so sorry. I forgot all about it until now. I missed your wedding. I was supposed to be your best man. Where is Anya by the way?”
Tears sprung from Xander’s eye, “There was no wedding Will, without you there I walked out on Anya, ruined our relationship and was a total jackass. Then when we fought the first she was killed. Just when we had managed to start to get over the left at the altar bit, she was killed saving that rat Andrew’s life.”
Willow flung her arms around Xander and pulled him close, “ I am so, so sorry. I am so, so sorry. I didn’t know. If I had known I wouldn’t have asked. I am so, so very sorry. I think you need to tell me what has happened while I was gone. Like how the hell Faith and Buffy ended up together and all about that guy Dawn is marrying.”
“Well A) It is okay, you couldn’t have know. B) The story or the past several years will take awhile. C) One night there was a lot of alcohol consumed, and finally D) Dawn isn’t marrying a guy,” Xander responded with a boyish grin.
Willow took a step back and said, “Oh.”
***** Xander and Willow were now sitting on a leather couch in the library of the castle. Books filled up every wall surrounding them like a redwood forest must have surround the first settlers of Northern California. She felt insignificant and small amongst these books filled with accomplishments, spells, and demons like she hadn’t lived up to her Scooby responsibilities. She was distracted from this feeling by Xander telling what happened over the years.”
“… And then Tara’s hair went all white and so did her eyes. She channel the power and awoke all of the slayers in the world. Then she became the white witch. That’s how she got her own castle. The witches gave it to her to train new witches in her ways. You know a white witch only comes every five centuries. Anyway, so we all moved out here. Dracula tried to get me again but Buffy got me. Then Angel returned but he was evil. Oh, and Amy popped up again with Warren. Anyway they tried to kill Tara and Buffy again …. Are you listening to this?” Xander asked exasperated that Willow was not very interested in what he was saying.
Willow nodded, “Of course, I am just shocked. So much has happened. I mean, you, Buffy, and Tara got shot. Tara became some major witch, Dawn is dating some butch lesbian, Buffy and faith are doing the horizontal tango, and you, well you are this major operations guy. I am just thing, ‘Where do I fit it’.”
“You belong here as much as I do,” he said quietly. ”In fact you belong here more than I do. You’re a massive witch foo queen yourself. Me, I am just some dumb mortal.”
“Don’t say that,” she said angrily, “You are so much more than you give yourself credit for.”
“So are you, Will.”
The two were now left in silence. They really didn’t know how to proceed. They had found a dead-end to their conversation it seemed. They just kept silent. Minutes passed until one of them spoke.
“I love her,” Willow croaked with hoarse voice that trembled as if she was on the verge of tears.
Xander was confused, “What?”
Willow answered again in the small broken voice, “I love her, even after all these years.”
“You should have called.”
“What?” Willow asked tears running down her face.
Xander stopped, grabbed Willow’s hands and looked her in the eyes, “If you had called we could have had ages, you could have had ages with Tara. She loves you, but I don’t know if it is the best for you two to get involved.”
Willow was upset, her face contorted to one of anger, “Why not?”
Xander sighed, “Willow, you can’t have expected her just to wait for you all of these years. Hell, you must have met someone. You must have at least been interested in someone.”
Willow’s eyes turned black, she was fighting losing control. She clenched her fists. Blood started to ooze out because her nails were piercing the skin. She could let her anger control her.
“No Xander. There has been no one else. There never will be anyone else. She was, she is it for me,” she said trying to keep from slapping her brother figure.
Xander saw Willow struggling, but knew she needed to know the truth. He didn’t want to be the one to break the redhead’s heart, but he felt he had to spare her the pain of hearing it from a slayer in training instead of someone who knew how she would feel.
Xander once again took her hands, “Tara moved on years ago. About a year after you left she met this girl. They ended up getting rather close. She didn’t know if you were even alive at that point, so she started seeing this girl. About two years later she got married to that same girl.”
Willow’s face lost all color, “She’s married.”
“No, she’s not anymore. Andrea died three years ago,” Xander told her, releasing her hands from his tight grip.
Willow sunk from the couch to the ground and let out a wail that could only be considered inhuman.
“Why did you have to tell me this!” she cried, “You’ve ruined all it. I could have gone on pretending. I could have thought that it would be a possibility and I would have been okay. But you told me, you told me!”
Willow was now punching at Xander. Her sadness was filling every corner of the room. Objects on shelves and tables began to rattle and slowing everything started to float and spin around the two in almost like a cyclone. It was a maelstrom of grief and anger.
“I’ve lost her, everything I ever had going for me was the moment when Tara would look at me and I was wonderful. You told me, and now I know that will never happen again. She’s my everything, she was my everything. And now you tell me she’s moved on,” she was still crying but the objects flying around the room had fallen to the ground.
“I am sorry,” was all Xander was able to whisper to the heartbroken witch.
“No, you’re wrong,” Willow said gaining her ground again. “Dawn said I had a chance. I am not going to throw all my hope away because you think she’s moved on. She is not married anymore, and hasn’t been for years. I will fight for her if I have to.”
“Will…” Xander began.
“No,” she interrupted, “I will get her back. You say she’s moved on. Well that was when I wasn’t around. Now maybe, after all this time, we’ve grown enough into the people we are meant to be that we’ll be compatible again. If we are not it is not because I have stopped loving her. It will be because we have grown into people that can’t recognize each other anymore, and if that is the case I will happily let her go. But, even if that is the case, Tara was it for me. I don’t fall in love with anyone I feel in love with one girl, and that is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
Somewhere outside the door during this conversation sat a young woman smiling. She knew that despite what had happen the two would return to one another and finally be together again and she would have the two people who had been like her parents for as long as she could remember them. She did need some more people at the family table. Plus Xander didn’t count as family since she use to have a crush on him. Yes, Dawn would have her family back together again.
_________________ "When you run with the Doctor, it feels like it'll never end. But however hard you try you can't run forever. Everybody knows that everybody dies and nobody knows it like the Doctor. But I do think that all the skies of all the worlds might just turn dark if he ever for one moment, accepts it. Everybody knows that everybody dies. But not every day. Not today. Some days are special. Some days are so, so blessed. Some days, nobody dies at all. Now and then, every once in a very long while, every day in a million days, when the wind stands fair, and the Doctor comes to call... everybody lives." River Song - "Forest of the Dead"
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