Title: The Lightning Strike
Rating: PG13 overall, but will get to NC-17
Summary: AU season 6 -starts after "All the Way"- Willow and Tara deal with her growing magical addiction together... Rating for later chapters... (Could follow The Call but you don't have to have read that one - just a few references to it)
Disclaimer: Opening quotes and title are from the Snow Patrol song "The Lightning Strike" I don't own it or Buffy.

Notes: These are some of the shortest chapters I've posted, so updates with be 3 times a week (Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday work for everyone?) as long as I can keep it up...

Also Note: This one is, again, for Robin! (I was going to put it up on Saturday for your birthday, but I figured you'd have better stuff to do than read this - again)


Chapter 1 of 11

It got cold and then dark so suddenly and rained
It rained so hard the two of us were the only thing
That we could see for miles and miles

Willow knew Tara was angry, could feel her lover's frustration radiating in waves. "I, I'm sorry, okay?" she apologized, wanting to put this behind them. They didn't fight often and the last time they had it had resulted in Tara losing her mind. She knew the chances of anything like that happening again were slim to none with no brain sucking bitch goddesses in town, but she hated the idea of going to bed beside Tara and letting her fall asleep angry.

"It's not that easy," Tara answered, sighing.

"Well, what do you want me to do? Reverse time and take it back?" she asked, trying to break the tension with a laugh. "Cause I could probably…" Tara sent her a stern look and she swallowed quickly, not used to the look of steel directed at her. "Joke. I don't think I could really…"

Tara cut her off quickly, jerking the blankets back forcefully and dropping her pillow on the bed. "You know what, can, can we not do this now? I'm tired."

Willow stared at her for a moment, yanking the blankets back on the other side. "No! We need to do this now, Tara!"

The blonde stared up at her in surprise, pushing the covers off of her and climbing back to her feet. "Really, Willow? You want to do this now? And of course it's whatever you want, right?"

Willow huffed, hugging her arms around herself. "What do you mean by that?" she asked, her voice quiet.

Tara sighed, her eyes dropping. "I-I, lately it seems like you've been using m-magic, doing spells to do w-whatever you want. Like with the party."

Willow groaned in frustration. "What is so wrong with that? It was easy! And it made Anya happy!"

"The problem is that it was selfish!" Tara protested. "You could have just as easily bought some stuff from the store!" She crossed her arms shakily over her stomach. "You're making everything easy for yourself, and you're using magic to do it when you know that's not what it's for!"

"I help people!" Willow shot back.

"You do, at least you used to, but now it's all about yourself and I…"

"What!" Willow protested. "What am I doing now that's so wrong?"

Tara didn't look at her. "I'm scared," she confessed softly.

"Scared of what, Tara?" Willow demanded. "Of me? You don't think - you can't think I'd ever hurt you, do you?"

The blonde looked up finally, eyes sad. "I don't know," she answered honestly.

"Well, I wouldn't! I would never hurt you, Tara!" Willow said quickly, angry now herself. "That you even think I would…"

"Willow," Tara tried to protest, but the redhead sliced one hand through the air to cut her off.

"No, you know what? You were right," the redhead shot at her. "Now's not the time for this. I'm going out, get some air." She spun around, stomping out of their bedroom still in her pajamas. Tara hesitated a moment, but followed her quietly. No matter how angry they were, no matter that they were fighting, she wouldn't let the redhead wander around alone in the dark and get herself killed.

Willow had pulled on shoes and a jacket, the coat obviously one of Xander's that had been left at the house, but was walking so quickly that she paid no notice to Tara's step echoing behind her. Tara couldn't help but wonder at Willow's subconscious as the redhead led her through three cemeteries and the destroyed high school campus. By the time they had circled all of downtown Tara had let herself follow more closely as the redhead started to walk more slowly, Willow still not hearing her. They were in what Tara hoped was the last cemetery of the night when a vampire came out of nowhere, made a running leap, and tackled Willow to the ground.

The redhead shoved at the vampire but didn't use a spell, struggling to drive her knee into his stomach and roll him to the side. He was on his feet before she was, but Tara was there a second later, stake driving through the vampire's heart before he could get back to Willow.

"Tara?" the redhead asked in confusion. "What are you - why are you here?"

"Why didn't you burn him?" Tara asked instead, frowning and coughing on the dust still in the air.

Willow huffed in frustration, sitting up and dusting herself off as she ignored Tara's hand extended to help her up. "What are you doing out here? It's dangerous! You could get hurt!"

"Like you, with the not fighting back? Are you trying to get yourself killed?" Tara responded heatedly, getting in Willow's face as she felt herself get angry again even as her heart thundered in her ears and her knees felt weak with sharp relief.

"I was just trying to do what you said!" Willow protested.

"By letting a vampire bite you?" Tara demanded. "That's what you got out of what I said? You didn't even have a stake!"

"He didn't bite me!" Willow retorted. "Maybe I should have let him!"

Tara couldn't stop herself from shoving Willow back, the redhead stumbling on the gravestone behind her and dropping to sit on top of it. "Don't even think it," Tara growled. "Do whatever you think you need to do to punish me, but do not ever even think about letting yourself get killed."

"Punish you? That's what my dying is? Your punishment?" Willow shot back, pushing herself back to her feet, the minimal space between Tara and herself leaving their chests pressed together as they both breathed hard. Willow abruptly wilted, her shoulders slumping. "I'm not going to hurt you, Tara. I'd rather die first."

"Is that what you were trying to do tonight?" Tara asked, voice just as soft as the redhead's.

"No!" Willow insisted. "Tonight I was distracted! I was walking and thinking and I got distracted! That's all, Tara!"

The blonde sighed, fingers itching to trace through Willow's hair. "Will you listen to me?" she asked softly. Willow looked up slowly, eyes wide. "Break my heart if you have to, but do not ever let yourself die. You fight back."

"Tara, I don't want to break your heart!" Willow protested. "I'd rather go through anything, any pain or torture, than break your heart."

"I don't want you to be in pain, Willow!" Tara stated firmly.

The redhead sat back down suddenly, her body slumping forward. Her voice was muffled as her forehead leaned against Tara's stomach, but her hands came up to hold the blonde's hips. "What do you want from me, Tara? I'm trying here!"

"I'm scared for you! You're, with the amount of magic you've been using. I'm worried that you can't stop," Tara said, her hands sliding through the back of her girlfriend's hair.

"I'll try! I swear! I'll do anything!" Willow agreed immediately. "You want me to stop? I'm stopped! No more magic for me!"

Tara sighed, leaning over to press her lips to the back of Willow's head, her hair soft against her skin and she let her eyes close. "I just want you to slow down, be careful."

"I will, I am. I'll stop," Willow rambled, voice still muffled as her fingers wound themselves into the fabric of the waistband of Tara's pants. "Just, I don't want to fight anymore. I don't like not being right with you, Tara."

The blonde nodded, pressing another kiss to Willow's head. "I know. Me too, sweetie," she agreed softly.

Willow lifted her head slowly, meeting her eyes. "Can we be alright again then?" she asked hopefully. "I promise, no spells. Not ever if you don't want me to."

Tara sighed, dropping to crouch in front of Willow, bringing herself closer to the redhead's seated height. "I don't want you to just go along with me because you don't want to fight, Willow. Do you understand what I'm afraid of?" The witch didn't answer, just swallowed thickly. "I'm afraid I'm going to lose you, that you'll do something, go too far, and I'll have to leave. I don't want it to come to that." She heaved a deep breath and dropped to sit on the cold ground, her back against a headstone.

There was a long moment of silence and she spoke again, voice hoarse. "I don't think I ever told you this, about my m-mom, but she was addicted. I told you she was strong like you, and she was, but she let it go too far…" She took a shuddering breath and Willow slid down from the gravestone to sit beside her.

It took the redhead a second to work up the nerve, but she picked up Tara's hand, holding it between her own. "Your hands are cold," she commented quietly.

"It's cold out here," Tara agreed. "The magic, it drove my mother away. She thought she could keep going, get whatever she wanted." She squeezed her eyes closed as long buried emotions rose up. "That's why my dad started, why he…"

"Shh," Willow whispered, knowing how hard it was for Tara to talk about her father, the suffering she'd endured at his hand.

"He thought I-I'd b-be like h-her," Tara said shakily, turning her head to meet Willow's eyes. "T-that's what h-he, that's w-why he…" Her breathing was shuddery and she leaned unconsciously into Willow's supporting shoulder. No matter if they were butting heads, Willow was her strength.

"Shh, sweetheart," Willow whispered, curling her knees to her chest and pinning Tara's hand between her thighs to warm it up, curling her arm around her lover's shoulders. "He's never going to touch you again," she promised, pressing her lips to Tara's hair. "I love you," she whispered without lifting her head. "Is that okay to say?"

Tara nodded, curling her fingers around the redhead's leg. "Always," she breathed. An involuntary shiver trembled down her spine as a cool breeze washed over them. "Can w-we go home?"

Willow nodded, reluctantly separating herself from Tara and helping the blonde to her feet. Once Tara was upright though, she dropped her hands, fingers playing with the edges of her flannel pants. "Home sounds like a good idea," she conceded, glancing down sheepishly at her pajamas.

Tara mustered a small smile, but didn't speak. Willow cocked her head back in the direction of the house and the blonde fell into step beside her, walking in silence. Willow was paying attention to where she was going now and their route was less circuitous.

The house was dark, the Summers sisters each in their rooms. Buffy was moving in her room, but the door was closed and Willow hesitated for only a moment before she followed Tara into their room. The sheets were still jerked back, left over from their fight earlier. Tara put her shoes away, brushing her hair again. It was part of her nightly preparations for bed and she wanted to give herself a moment.

Willow watched her from the bathroom door, her arms wrapped around her middle. Tara was worried about her, scared about her. It was pounding around in her brain. Her lover, her other half, her everything, was scared. Of her. She considered speaking to Tara again but she heaved a deep breath and slid under the blankets on the bed, lying on her side and watching Tara finish with her hair and put the brush back into its place. Their eyes met as Tara turned, the blonde giving her a weak smile before she moved to the light switch and clicked it off, leaving them in darkness.

The bed shifted as Tara slipped in, but Willow resisted her normal move of sliding back into Tara's arms. The space between them was unnatural and unwanted. Willow's brain was still working, distracting her, and she jumped as Tara's hand slipped over her side. She started to recoil, but Willow caught her. "Sorry. I didn't mean to jump, baby."

"It's okay?" Tara said, the statement coming out as a question.

Willow moved slower than she normally did, but was quite deliberate as she squirmed further into Tara's arms. "Please, don't let me go."

Tara took a shuddery breath, shaking her head against the back of Willow's neck. "No," she whispered into the darkness. Willow curled closer into the curve of her body, the familiar feel of her lover in her arms driving away the discomfort. Whatever was going on between them would look better in the morning.

_________________
Ripples - Pretty Much Perfect and The Sequel to the Sequel, Who's That Girl?
Every Step That I Retrace/Always Leads Me Back to You/But I've Loved You All Along
Road to Recovery, The Call/The Lightning Strike, The Sun Will Rise

Woo and hoo! Great start, at Willow listened to Tara
Can't wait for more

_________________
Serving Second Lieutenant of the Kitten Army.
Semper WillTara!
I Serve With Honor For Kitopia!

I hate it when W and T fight bad stuff always happens. Its really good that Willow listened to Tara this time.

_________________
Did Curiousity kill the cat because Schrodinger opened the box?

My heart and I have wandered aimlessly beneath the Weeping Willows, searching for the sun. - Hayley Westenra, "My heart and I"

Hi,

This is so intense!

I love their connection and how you write them; their vulnerability and their strength is interwoven very touchingly.

You've got me hooked!

Also, you were one of the first three people to comment on my first story so I'll never forget your encouragement and kindness.

Thank you for sharing both your talent and your generosity!

Keep writing!

Ariel

Aw Maggie, thank you for my birthday present. I'm sitting in my empty classroom at work, actually crying, because this means a lot to me. It's been a super sad and hectic week. I'll actually be at a funeral tomorrow, so I'm not anticipating a super-happy birthday, but you've made it better than I thought it would be.

You know how I feel about this, it's exquisite. I can't wait to keep reading as you keep posting. I'll be here every step of the way!

_________________
Wave ... The Wish of Three Hearts
The Yuletide Present ... In From the Cold

"We're in love. We're lovers. We're lesbian, gay-type lovers."

Great start! I'm excited to see where you take this. As I've said before, I LOVE how you interweave AU with canon.

I'm happy to see that Willow didn't go all Hell Goddess on Tara and that she actually appears to be listening to her. I also love that they are just nonchalantly hanging out in a graveyard and having this totally intense discussion as if it was their own backyard. Which I guess it kinda is, lol

Looking forward to reading more!!

_________________
Shelby - Racing The Rain (IN PROGRESS) / Baby Makes Three (IN PROGRESS) / The Santa Line / Everything She Does...Is Beautiful / Calfornia Grass

"Transform your pain. Release your past. And ... uh ... get over it."
~Willow, Where The Wild Things Are

Great start Maggie!

I'll love to see what your plans are for this one,

_________________
Heather aka vampyregurl73 aka Riverwillows73

My stories:
"Dry Heat – In Progress (still)" "Penny Arcade - Completed"

My Fic Challenge entries:
"Fireworks" "Promise" "I Did What Last Night?"

KioNewgo: Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! I hope you enjoy this part!

Promthea128: I know! :( I'm going to change it though! We've already avoided the memory erasing incident that started all the bad times, so we've got nowhere to go but up, right?

Ariel: Hey! I'm glad you're hooked - I hope I can keep it up! This one was pretty intense to write, so I'm glad it's coming through! Aww, well you're sweet! Believe me, it was my pleasure!

LonelyTara: Robin, I thought about you today (technically yesterday) and I hope that your birthday had at least one good surprise for you! (and I didn't mean to make you cry! I'm sorry!) I can never thank you enough for all the encouragement!

Finey_McFine: I love writing AU where it's only one little change that sparks all these differences - it fascinates me!
Lol, that didn't actually occur to me that they're treating the graveyard sort of like the yard, but I guess it's true in Sunnydale! I hope you like the new one!

vampyregurl73: Thank you! This is probably one of my favorites that I've come up with, so I hope y'all like it!

Notes: Laragh, maybe chapter two being the end of the angst was a bit of a hopeful estimate

Chapter 2 of 11

And in the middle of the flood I felt my worth
When you held onto me like I was your little life raft
Please know that you were mine as well

Willow didn't realize how much she'd come to rely on magic until she tried to stay off it. Everything took longer, beginning with her morning routine. She was still in the shower when she heard the door open, someone coming into the bathroom. "Tara?" she questioned, her eyes closed as she leaned back into the raining water to wash the shampoo from her hair.

"Yes, sweetheart," the blonde answered from the other side of the curtain, her voice distracted.

Willow sighed, knowing that she was running late. No more five minute mornings for her. "Sorry I'm late, babe. I'm hurrying."

"It's okay. I told Buffy and Dawn we'd meet them at the Magic Box," Tara said around her toothbrush.

Willow finished up as quickly as she could, muttering a curse when she cut herself in her rush to finish shaving her legs.

"What happened?" Tara asked.

"I cut myself," Willow grumbled. "It's not too bad," she assured her.

"Let me see," Tara requested.

Willow giggled, the sound surprising and relaxed. "I'm sort of naked in here, remember?"

Tara laughed herself as Willow's leg emerged from the edge of the shower curtain. "It's nothing I haven't seen before, you know." The cut was minor but on her shin, and long, blood sliding down the curve of her calf. "It's really bleeding, sweetie," Tara cautioned her, dabbing the blood away with a faded towel. The Slayer's house had no shortage of bloodstained rags.

"You can bandage it up for me if you'd like," Willow offered, tone almost flirtatious and she wondered where the tension from the night before had gone. Even her frustration with how long her routine was taking was driven away in the daylight, the light of Tara's obvious caring and love.

Tara let her pull her leg back into the shower, the water turning off a few minutes later. Willow didn't bother with trying to reach a towel before she got out of the shower, taking the one Tara extended to her with a shy smile that didn't entirely match her own uncaring display of her body. The blonde watched her dry herself off and wrap the towel around her chest before she moved, already having pulled the antiseptic and a pair of band-aids from the medicine cabinet.

"Sit down," the blonde prompted, her hands on Willow's hips to help her up onto the counter. Willow held the top of her towel closed as Tara smeared the medicine on the cut and put the band-aids in place. She glanced up at the redhead as she finished, her hands sliding up her girlfriend's thighs.

"Are we okay?" The words were out of Willow's lips before she realized that it was bothering her. On the surface everything seemed okay, but she needed it to really be okay.

Tara met her eyes straight on, fingers tightening slightly on Willow's legs, though not painfully. "That's up to you, Willow."

"Let me get this straight," Willow started, her hand still holding the towel at her chest. "Are you going to leave me if I don't stop using magic?"

Tara sighed, her eyes closing. "No," she breathed. Leaving Willow was not something she could contemplate rationally. She could only imagine what it would take to drive her away, but the thought filled her with horror. "I just need us to be honest with each other. If I couldn't trust you…"

"You can," Willow interjected earnestly. "You can trust me, Tara."

"And I can be honest with you?"

Willow nodded. "I wish you would."

Tara took another deep breath, her eyes opening. "Then, honestly, I'm scared of how much magic you've been using lately. I'm scared it's going to drive you away from me."

"And you want me to stop?"

"I know you need to protect Buffy, and Xander…"

"And you," Willow added.

Tara smiled despite herself, one corner of her distracted mind noticing that Willow was still naked. "And me," she agreed softly. "And I know you use magic to do that. It's the other stuff you've been using it for that makes me nervous." She swallowed, feeling her pulse quicken. "T-that's how it s-started. With m-my mother-r."

Willow sighed, leaning forward to hug her. Tara leaned into the support without questioning it, Willow's knees curling around her hips. "I'll stop. I won't hurt you like that." She curled her arms around Tara's back, the blonde's head pressed to her shoulder. "I promise."

Tara nodded, curling her arms around Willow's back, feeling the soft terry cloth under her hands. They both took comfort in the embrace, Tara's quiet laugh breaking the quiet. "You're naked," she commented.

"Cause you've never hugged me when I'm naked?" Willow asked, giggling herself.

Tara turned her head just enough to get her lips into contact with Willow's skin, pale and freckled. She pressed a kiss there, hearing Willow's sharp inhale over her head as she let her lips linger. "No, not that. We just are normally wearing clothes when we're having serious conversations." She leaned back, Willow's hands barely catching her towel. "How's your leg?" Tara asked, prudently dropping her eyes to the covered cut on her lover's leg.

"It's fine," Willow said. "What about us?"

Tara looked back at her, the redhead's fingers fidgeting with the edge of her towel. "We're fine, Willow."

Willow smiled tightly, one hand reaching forward to drag down Tara's arm. "That's okay for now," she said. "I'm shooting for more than 'fine' though." She curled her fingers around the blonde's wrist. "We'll get back there, right?"

"Of course we will, Willow," Tara agreed, voice soft.

"It's going to be a lot of work though, isn't it?" Willow asked.

Tara took an involuntary deep breath. "Probably," she conceded. "It'll be worth it though, won't it?"

Willow gave her a reproachful look. "Being with you…Tara, being with you is worth anything. Anything I have to give up." She swallowed thickly. "Is it too personal…" She hesitated and Tara gave her a minute head shake, prompting her to go on. "What's magic withdrawal like?" Tara's next breath was shuddery, her eyes sad. She turned her wrist over and held Willow's hand. "Honestly," Willow added. "If you can talk about it, of course."

"N-no, it's o-okay," Tara assured her. "And h-honestly, it's n-not p-pretty, Willow. Not t-that my m-mom ever m-made it. She t-tried though. Once or twice." She squeezed the hand in hers. "S-shakes, night s-sweats, insomnia. And I'll be there, Willow. I won't leave you alone for this, any of it." Her voice grew steady under the weight of her resolve. Willow was her partner, no matter what happened. "Okay?"

"Okay," Willow whispered, nodding. She blinked in surprise when Tara let out a huff of frustration. "What? You'll still love me if I'm a little sweaty and shaky, right?"

Tara gave her a swat to the leg for her effort. "I love you, Willow, no matter what." She stroked her hand over the site of the slap, feeling the skin warm under her fingers.

"Then what's wrong?" Willow asked, leaning forward with a frown.

Tara shook her head, glancing down at her hand on Willow's leg. "I just…it feels a little like you're just agreeing to go along with what I want because you don't want to fight."

Willow sighed heavily, kicking her feet lightly against the bathroom cabinets below her. "I don't know, Tara. I mean, you're getting what you want. Isn't that enough?" Tara groaned, her hand leaving Willow's leg to cover her eyes. "Okay, no, I didn't mean that," Willow continued quickly. "Come on, look at me, please," she requested, lifting her hand to pull Tara's down. "Honey, obviously you're scared about this. And that means something, okay? I know you trust me, but I can't imagine what you went through watching your mother…" She swallowed thickly. "If you're scared, then so am I, okay Tara?"

The blonde nodded wordlessly and Willow shifted on the countertop. "I'll let you get dressed," Tara said, moving back quickly.

Willow hopped down off the counter, one hand still holding her towel around her chest. "Hey, so, we've kind of been misfiring the last few weeks…"

Tara followed her as the redhead walked toward their room, the witch shedding her towel as soon as they were in the bedroom while Tara shut the door with a smile. "Yeah, we have," she agreed reluctantly.

"Since Buffy got back," Willow said. "And it sucks."

"Yeah," Tara agreed slowly, not sure what the redhead was driving toward. "You've got an idea to fix it?"

"I do," Willow agreed cheerfully. "I want you to go out with me."

Tara laughed, retrieving Willow's discarded towel and folding it as she carried it to the hamper. "Um, honey, I think we're a little bit past going out as far as our relationship goes." Willow gave her a questioning look over her shoulder and the blonde continued. "You saved me from my father, from staying insane for the rest of my life…"

Willow turned to look at her, still only half dressed but beyond caring. "Tara, you don't think that you owe me anything, do you?"

The blonde shrugged, taking a seat on the edge of their bed. "No, I mean, not really…"

"Really not really?" Willow asked, not convinced. "Tara, you have done more for me than you could ever imagine. You're the woman that I love, Tara. I fell in love with you. And do you know what else? As amazing as that feels, even better than that, you love me too." As she spoke, she crossed the room with a shirt in her hands. "I could never do anything to compete with that." She smiled. "Doesn't mean I'm not going to try, though."

Tara leaned forward a bit and kissed her briefly, her hands taking the shirt from her and shaking it out, holding open the neck for her. "You're pretty determined not to wear clothes today, aren't you?"

Willow shrugged, ducking her head through the hole. "From your perspective, is that really such a bad thing?" she asked teasingly.

Tara smiled crookedly, shaking her head. "No, not a bad thing. Just sort of illegal if we're actually going outside."

Willow smiled, tucking her arms through the sleeves of her t-shirt. "So, you'll go out with me?" she asked eagerly.

Tara laughed, combing her fingers through the redhead's mussed hair. "Of course I will, Willow. You know you don't have to ask me to go out with you."

Willow shrugged, her thighs leaning against the edge of the bed as Tara's knees spread to let her closer. "I don't want to take you for granted, Tara."

The blonde shook her head. "You don't."

Willow smiled hopefully. "So, breakfast?" She caught a glimpse of the clock and corrected herself. "Or lunch, rather?" She bit her lip. "Sorry it took me so long to get ready."

"It's alright," Tara said easily, hands resting on the backs of her girlfriend's legs. Willow gasped suddenly, Tara cocking an eyebrow at her. "What?"

The redhead was frowning down at her hand and Tara noticed that her lover's fingers were trembling. "I didn't expect it to start this soon," Willow said without looking up, her voice hoarse. "It hasn't even been a day." Her expression was serious when she looked up, Tara taking her hand between both of her own.

"Does it hurt?" Tara asked, Willow's fingers stretching shakily as she tried to stop the trembling. Willow shook her head, swallowing. "You're sure?" There was a strange expression on Willow's face and Tara wasn't sure she liked it.

"I'm done," Willow whispered, her eyes dropping to her hand as she slid it back out of Tara's grip and held it steady with an effort, fingers stiff and straight. "If I can't go one day without it, I'm done." She swallowed, trying to wet her dry throat. "I mean, it's only going to get worse from here, right?"

Tara pursed her lips, one hand lifting to Willow's cheek. "I'm afraid so, sweetheart."

Willow shook her head. "Then I'm done. I'll tell Buffy that we're going to be witchless…"

"You don't have to do that, Willow. I can patrol with everyone…" Tara paused. "Unless you…"

"I don't expect you to stop, Tara," Willow answered before she could ask. "You're not the one with a problem." She found Tara's hand on her face, pulling it around to kiss the back of it. "If you're patrolling, I'm coming too, though."

Tara nodded, her hand moving to Willow's neck and guiding her in until their foreheads touched. "I guess you don't want to go out anymore," she said reluctantly. "If you're not feeling well."

Willow blinked, her fingers trembling again against Tara's hand. "Of course I do," she stated. "What do you want for lunch? Anything you want, it's yours."

Tara gave her a kiss, surprised but not displeased when Willow's lips parted and sucked her bottom lip in. Willow squeezed the hand under hers, her other arm curling around the blonde's neck, her fingers sliding through her hair. Tara curled her free arm around the redhead's waist, pulling her closer. Willow's hands trembled again, tightening in her lover's hair. She broke the kiss suddenly, growling in frustration. "Sorry," she breathed, pulling her hands back.

Tara didn't let her pull her body back, holding onto her waist. "It's okay," Tara assured her softly. "Honey, I'm going to help you. Anything you need."

Willow was glaring impotently at her hands and she shook her head, still obviously annoyed. "No, Tara, I'm not going to let you get punished because I let this get out of control. You shouldn't have to deal with this…"

"I'll deal with anything you deal with," Tara interrupted her. "Willow, look at me," she directed, speaking again only once the green eyes were back on hers. "You're my girl. It's a simple idea, but it's everything. And it means that anything that affects you affects me too." She loosened one hand to reach for Willow's. The digits were still trembling and Tara brushed her fingers gently over the back of Willow's hand. "You're going to be fine," she whispered.

"You can't promise me that," Willow responded, voice almost inaudible. What was unspoken was obvious. It was going to get worse before anyone was fine.

"I'm promising myself that then," Tara returned instantly. Willow blinked at her and Tara gave her a strained smile. "I don't want to do any of this without you, Willow." Her smile became more natural. "And I've never seen you come up against anything you couldn't do."

"Any of what?" Willow asked thoughtfully.

Tara shrugged. "Pretty much all of it," she said vaguely. "You make everything in my life better, Willow."

"Not lately," the redhead said, her shoulders slumping. Tara started to protest and Willow shook her head. "I mean, it's not like Buffy dying didn't almost tear all of us apart."

"You held us together," Tara said.

"And I thought so many times that it was going to cost me you, Tara," Willow confessed, something they'd both thought in the back of their minds before, but it had never been stated so plainly before. "I'm not saying it so you'll tell me that you're not going to leave," she continued quickly. "Honestly, if it gets bad for me, it might be better if you were elsewhere."

Tara frowned at her. "What are you saying?" If Willow was really saying what she thought, this wasn't the time for any misunderstanding.

"I'm saying that you're off the hook, Tara," Willow said, voice unmistakably nervous.

Tara got to her feet and stepped around Willow, hearing the redhead suck in a shuddering breath. She closed her eyes, feeling tears slide down her cheek. "You h-haven't listened t-to a w-word I said," she accused, curling both arms around herself. She heard Willow turn behind her, but didn't move herself. "T-there's nothing t-that I w-wouldn't do for y-you, Willow. And I'm n-not leaving u-unless you m-make me."

Willow moved, her arms sliding around the blonde's waist slowly, the touch almost hesitant. Her arms were trembling now, but it took her a second to realize that it wasn't because of her impending magical withdrawal, but because she was crying. Tara turned in a heartbeat, folding the redhead into her arms. "P-please, d-don't l-leave," Willow gasped, burying her face in the blonde's shoulder. "I l-love you."

Tara nodded against the top of her lover's hair, arms holding her up. "I k-know, Willow. I'm n-not g-going anywhere." Willow's arms curled around her waist, clinging. "I'm h-here, Willow. It's o-okay. I'm here." She trailed her hands down the redhead's back, Willow's face invisible as it was pressed into her chest. "Why are you c-crying, sweetheart?"

When Willow cried she had the ability to do it without noise, only trembling and deep breathing. Tara tried to remember if it had always been something the redhead was capable of doing, or if it had developed during the horrible summer after Buffy died. Even now, she was already calming herself down, wiping her eyes with one hand and steadying her breathing. Tara had to wonder if Willow even realized that she was doing it. It had become second nature those long, lonely months.

"I'm okay," Willow breathed, snuffling a little bit. She gave a weak smile. "Thank you." She kept her arms around Tara but loosened her hold slightly. "I d-don't know what I'd have done if you'd walked out the door," she confessed.

Tara shook her head against Willow's. "I already said I'm not going anywhere," she said. "Not unless you send me away."

"I need you," Willow replied, her eyes meeting Tara's almost guiltily.

Tara gave her a small crooked smile. "Good, because I need you too."

Willow's eyes and nose were red and she grimaced. "We don't have to go out. I'm sure I'm looking rough. Sorry, baby."

Tara shook her head, leaning forward to kiss between her eyes. "You look beautiful," she whispered. "And I'm going to take care of you. That means that we're getting something to eat," she clarified. "You're too skinny, my love." She gave Willow a poke between the ribs, teasing. She was relieved when it drew a genuine smile from the redhead. "Are you okay?" she asked softly.

Willow swallowed, nodding. "Yes. Let me just wash my face and we can go," she said, reluctantly dropping her hands and taking two steps back.

Tara stayed quiet, watching her go back into the bathroom before she went downstairs. It was a beautiful day, still early Fall, not that that mattered so much in California. It was starting to get cool at night, but it was still midday and the weather was gorgeous. Tara wandered onto the front porch, leaving the door open behind her.

If Willow was already showing symptoms of withdrawal, after less than a day of not using any spells, then things were worse than she'd expected. She cringed as she thought about how bad it would be after a week, after a month. If it was bad enough, Willow might really be done with magic if she didn't want to risk a relapse. The question of whether her partner could endure the recovery wasn't one she asked herself. Willow was strong. Stronger than her mother had ever been. If anyone could do this, it was Willow. The alternatives simply weren't comprehensible.

_________________
Ripples - Pretty Much Perfect and The Sequel to the Sequel, Who's That Girl?
Every Step That I Retrace/Always Leads Me Back to You/But I've Loved You All Along
Road to Recovery, The Call/The Lightning Strike, The Sun Will Rise

HA! Dibs! brb - sorry, I'm really a twelve year old masquerading in an adult's (most of the time) body, and the whole "dibs" still amuses me.

I like this angle of Tara trying to walk Willow out or down from heavy use before it got to the point it did in Tabula Rosa.

This opens a whole new venue for work between them as a couple especially now knowing this is how Tara's Mom went down in flames.

Keep 'em coming girl!

_________________
Heather aka vampyregurl73 aka Riverwillows73

My stories:
"Dry Heat – In Progress (still)" "Penny Arcade - Completed"

My Fic Challenge entries:
"Fireworks" "Promise" "I Did What Last Night?"

I have to say I'm loving this story..you are really amazing at writing....please don't stop..can't wait for the next update!

Okay, I read the first chapter before I saw the warning and loved it, despite the angst. But even the small little amount broke my heart a little.

So, I have made a deal with myself, no matter where your story is in terms of angst, this day next week I will start reading faithfully, every chapter as it is posted.

And I'll just have the video loop of all their kisses playing in the background as I read to ease the tension lol.

But like I said, I did read the first chapter and it was really, really good. And I'm very happy you're making them fix things pre-TR. Also that Tara wants to help Willow overcome the addiciton. I always thought it was super stupid and completely OOC that she just left in the show.

_________________
Amber Benson killed me once.

Check out my finished fics

Love, The Series … Two For Joy/21+/Joy To The World … Inevitable/Infinitely …

Confidential Eternal … A Twisted Date … Dachsund Through The Snow

I really love your writing style.

I think this is the first time I've come across a story quite like this and I'll admit you have me quite intrigued to see how everything plays out.

I think the way you approach the situation is one that is truly realistic of a real relationship and this is something that Willow and Tara were not given on the show.

I can't wait to see where you go next!

I really like that Tara is sticking by Willow this time around. That always irritated me in the series that they had one fight and Tara left. Couples fight and then they work through their problems without walking out. So, I'm happy, happy to see Tara stay...that's what love is all about!

I'm hoping that the withdrawals don't get too bad for Willow. I cannot stand it when she is hurting and/or crying...not even in print!

Anxiously waiting for the next update!!

_________________
Shelby - Racing The Rain (IN PROGRESS) / Baby Makes Three (IN PROGRESS) / The Santa Line / Everything She Does...Is Beautiful / Calfornia Grass

"Transform your pain. Release your past. And ... uh ... get over it."
~Willow, Where The Wild Things Are

This is very interesting. We really see W/T in a more mature relationship, and I really liked that Willow didn't make the mistakes she made on canon.

I'm wondering what you'll do with OMWF...

_________________
Less killy, more frilly

Yay!
This is what should have happened on the show!
Sure, angst, worry, sadness...but no walking out the door or abusing trust or any of that rubbish we were told to believe!
Can't wait for more

_________________
Serving Second Lieutenant of the Kitten Army.
Semper WillTara!
I Serve With Honor For Kitopia!

Mags,

Brilliant, brilliant, I loved this even more the fifth time around. (Yes, yes I read it four times in beta, no judging, LOL) You're a great writer, but I have to say I think this fic is your best so far, there's a level of polish, character development, and richness of detail that is very powerful--you should be very proud of the work you're doing with this fic!

One of my favorite moments:



Great, great work, Maggie. I'm glad to see it getting the attention that it deserves!

PS--They were happy, flattered tears, my friend.

_________________
Wave ... The Wish of Three Hearts
The Yuletide Present ... In From the Cold

"We're in love. We're lovers. We're lesbian, gay-type lovers."

Hi,

Lot of powerful writing, here's some things that moved me:


[blockquote]Tara got to her feet and stepped around Willow, hearing the redhead suck in a shuddering breath. She closed her eyes, feeling tears slide down her cheek. "You h-haven't listened t-to a w-word I said," she accused, curling both arms around herself. She heard Willow turn behind her, but didn't move herself. "T-there's nothing t-that I w-wouldn't do for y-you, Willow. And I'm n-not leaving u-unless you m-make me."[/blockquote]
Willow not getting addiction, not able to see what's going on yet loving Tara enough and being afraid enough to try. And of course knowing that she has to get it if she's going to make it.


[blockquote]Her arms were trembling now, but it took her a second to realize that it wasn't because of her impending magical withdrawal, but because she was crying. Tara turned in a heartbeat, folding the redhead into her arms. "P-please, d-don't l-leave," Willow gasped, burying her face in the blonde's shoulder. "I l-love you." [/blockquote]
Willow's expressing of vulnerability has always touched me, and her stuttering through tears really portrays her and Tara's common struggles.


[blockquote]When Willow cried she had the ability to do it without noise, only trembling and deep breathing. Tara tried to remember if it had always been something the redhead was capable of doing, or if it had developed during the horrible summer after Buffy died. Even now, she was already calming herself down, wiping her eyes with one hand and steadying her breathing. Tara had to wonder if Willow even realized that she was doing it. It had become second nature those long, lonely months.[/blockquote]
This was HUGELY powerful for me and very creative in that you made this choice for Willow's character and it very effectively expresses the struggle to repress emotion to survive and its ultimate inner damage. Poignant!

Thanks so much!

Ariel

Yay for great update-y goodness... I'm really glad that Tara chose to fight for their future together and stayed to help Willow with everything... I really hope that those withdraw symptoms don't cause too much damage to Willow. I hope Tara-snugglies ease those symptoms to managable level...

_________________
We few, we happy few. We band of buggered.

Posting While Nude Improves Your Mood.

vampyregurl73: No worries, I'm the same way! I'm glad you like how it's going! Thanks so much for reading!

WR/TM: Aww, good! I'm glad you're enjoying it! I hope you like the update!

Laragh: ...yeah, I didn't think about that, oopsie! Hah, that's sounds like a good deal! You're going to be busy posting your own every day! (you have a video loop of all their kisses? I'm a little jealous!) Aww, well I'm SO glad you liked it! Yeah :( They were just trying to make season 6 as miserable as possible for everyone...which is stupid! I can't wait to hear what you think when you catch up!

Cyteach: Aww, thanks! I'm glad you like it! Thanks so much for reading! I'm glad it's realistic and a bit unique

Finey_McFine: Yeah, I always hated that she left! So I'm fixing it! I'm glad you're enjoying the story! No, I hate when there's badness for Willow (but somehow I'm always mean to her in my fics) Tara will be there to help her though, so it'll get better! I hope you enjoy the update!

Mrs. Pineapple: I'm glad you like it! I hope I can keep it up! OMWF is now!

KioNewgo: I'm glad you think so! I'm pretty fond of it myself! I hope you enjoy the update!

LonelyTara: Robin, my eyes might have bugged out of my head a little at that! Four times is a lot! I'm not judging, I'm honored! I am pretty proud of this one and I'm pretty much completely blown away by the response it's getting! (Good, I'd feel awful if I'd done something to make you cry-cry! I can deal with happy, flattered crying)

Ariel: Thank you so much! I'm glad the writing was moving! Willow's not getting it quite yet, but she will... Willow's repressing emotions is something that came up in the story that comes before this one that covers the summer between season 5 and 6, so I wanted to carry that over into this one... Thank you so much for reading and leaving such thoughtful feedback!

Zampsa1975: Hey! I'm glad you liked it! Tara will be around to help her with everything, so she'll be okay I really hope you enjoy the update!

Chapter 3 of 11

Something was bound to go right sometime today
All these broken pieces fit together to make a perfect picture of us

The redhead's steps were slow on the stairs and she laughed unexpectedly as she joined Tara on the porch, pulling the door closed behind her. "What are you laughing at, cutie?" Tara asked, giving her a smile.

"Is it just me, or is that couple singing?" Willow asked, lowering her voice as the couple she pointed out was walking down the sidewalk in front of the house.

Tara listened, glancing down as Willow's arm curled through her own. "I think they are," she agreed, smiling at her.

Willow leaned up and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "That's a little weird," she commented. "Ready to go?"

They saw more people singing as they walked through the town, too many for it to just be some sort of enjoyment of the weather or citywide exuberance. One of their fellow diner patrons started singing about his check and they exchanged glances. Something was definitely going on.

They found the others at the Magic Box, though they didn't appear to be worried about anything so they joined the others doing homework and just hanging out around the store. Buffy came in later on asking about singing and the others revealed that they'd been having musical episodes during the day as well.

Willow was frowning as she realized that she and Tara were the only ones that hadn't had an outburst of song. Tara noticed the perplexed look, but they didn't have time to talk before the others were singing. Both suddenly felt compelled to join in for a verse, cementing the fact that something was very wrong in Sunnydale.

Willow could feel the magic's pull on her even as they finished singing. There was something magical behind this and she wondered if she'd have been able to feel it as strongly if she wasn't wanting it. She let out a tired breath, her fingers trembling again unconsciously. Her knee was bouncing under the table and Tara's hand settled onto her thigh, the blonde giving her a comforting smile while the others noticed nothing out of the ordinary.

They settled in to investigate the singing menace, each waiting anxiously for the next song to start. Dawn arrived from school and it was the cue Willow needed to excuse herself, leaving the shop with barely a word. Tara made an excuse and left just after her, leaving the others to the research. Willow hadn't gone far, but Tara didn't speak as she caught up, just kept Willow's pace and let the redhead guide them where she would.

There were more singers in the park and Willow took Tara's hand as they crossed a scenic bridge. "So, what do you think is causing the singing?" she asked, breaking the silence.

Tara shrugged, smiling. "We'll figure it out." She glanced around as a couple started dancing together across the grass. "It's kind of fun until we do."

Willow smiled despite herself. "I wish you'd sing," she confessed.

Tara blinked, taking a surprised breath. "You want me to sing?"

Willow blushed, nodding. "Yeah…I mean, yeah. You sing beautifully." She ducked her head in embarrassment. "Sometimes you sing around the house when you're cleaning, or in the mornings when you think I'm still asleep." She glanced up shyly. "Why do you think we haven't sung away from the others?" She said it almost like she was ashamed, embarrassed that they hadn't been affected the same way as everyone else.

Tara stayed quiet, thinking it over seriously. "Well…from the way everyone was acting at the shop, I have a guess." She leaned over, pressing a kiss to Willow's cheek and speaking softly into her ear. "We d-don't have any s-secrets."

Willow blinked, smiling happily. "You think so?"

"Yes," Tara agreed, combing her fingers through Willow's hair. "Xander and Anya, Buffy, they're all hiding something." She leaned her head against her partner's temple, breathing slowly. "It's coming out in the songs." She pressed a kiss to Willow's cheek. "That's what music does."

Willow leaned into the embrace, Tara's lips warm against her skin. "Yesterday we would have had something to sing about."

"But not anymore."

The redhead nodded slowly, leaning back to meet Tara's eyes. "No. No secrets from you. Not again." Tara kissed her then, fingers curling through soft red hair while Willow's hands slid around her waist, pulling her closer. They kept the kiss slow, Willow leaning her head against Tara's chest as they separated. "I still wish you'd sing, though," she said, voice quietly teasing.

Tara smiled crookedly, hugging Willow. "Well, you're sweet. I'll sing for you anytime you want. I don't need to be under a magical influence to sing for you."

"Can you feel it?" Willow asked suddenly, her jaw tightening at the reminder.

Tara shook her head, frowning down at the back of Willow's head. "Feel what? Are you okay?"

Willow broke away from her, fidgeting and wiggling her arms. "The magic. It's everywhere we go. It's in the air right now. All over town." She shook her head, sending her hair falling over her face. "It's buzzing, Tara."

The blonde was still frowning and she curled her arms around her middle, watching Willow pace in the grass. Willow's symptoms of withdrawal were coming quickly, more quickly than she'd expected. Whatever was causing the singing was evidently affecting Willow despite the fact that neither of them had felt driven to sing once they were away from the group.

"I can't feel it," Tara told her regretfully, sure that Willow had figured out what was going on. "I doubt I'm as sensitive to it as you are right now. Do you want to go? We could get out of town, or…"

"We can't leave," Willow interjected. "We just have to find whatever's doing this and stop it." She was talking fast, pacing and kicking at the dry leaves in the grass.

Tara watched her for a few moments before stepping in her path, catching both arms with her hands. "Okay, I have an idea," she said. "I don't know where the singing is coming from, but I have an idea to make you feel better."

Willow nodded, swallowing. "Okay, yeah, what is it?" she asked restlessly, closing both eyes as Tara's hands rubbed her arms soothingly. "I'm okay," she said through gritted teeth. "Thank you."

"Of course," Tara murmured. "Let's sit down," she prompted, guiding Willow down with her.

"Here?" Willow questioned, looking around the park.

Tara shrugged. "It's a nice day." She settled in front of Willow with a smile. "And being outside will help."

"Help what?" Willow asked, shaking her head distractedly.

Tara let out a deep breath, sitting up on her knees and moving around Willow so she was behind her. Willow turned her head to look at her, blinking when Tara's arm came over her shoulder and pulled her back to lean against herself. "Is it still buzzing?" Tara asked softly, feeling Willow relax against her. "We're going to concentrate, okay?"

"On what?" Willow asked hoarsely, swallowing.

"On the grass," Tara said, speaking slowly, voice soft. "We're going to focus on the grass and we're going to take deep breaths, okay?"

Willow laughed shakily. "Okay. We're going to concentrate on grass," she repeated. "What's that going to accomplish?"

Tara traced her free hand through Willow's hair before she answered, her other hand resting over the redhead's heart. "It's a distraction. It'll give you a focus that isn't the magic. Will you at least try it?"

Willow nodded, putting both hands down in the grass and tried to focus on the individual blades as they brushed her skin. The magical pull of the whatever-it-was that was making the whole town sing was pushed to the back of her mind as she concentrated on the touch of the grass. "It tickles," she whispered with a giggle and Tara smiled behind her. It took time, but Willow tightened her focus to a single blade, tracing its dimensions with her finger and then with her mind. Gradually she became aware of something else, another feeling in the grass. It took her a moment to realize what it was and she sucked in a surprised breath when it became clear.

"What is it, sweetie?" Tara whispered in her ear and Willow opened her eyes, only then realizing that she'd closed them.

"I can feel it," Willow breathed.

"It's not working?" Tara asked, pausing when Willow shook her head.

"No, it is," she said softly. "I can feel it, Tara."

"Feel what?"

"Life. I can feel the life in the grass. But it's not just in the grass, it goes deeper than that, and it's everywhere, all over the planet." She turned her head to meet Tara's eyes, surprised to see tears. "What? What's wrong?" She sat up quickly, turning. "Tara? Do you know what's happening?"

Tara smiled, leaning forward to kiss her. Willow blinked in surprise, but didn't resist kissing her back, relieved by the smile. "You felt that?" Tara breathed as they separated.

Willow nodded, trying to catch her breath. "I always feel it when you kiss me, Tara."

The blonde shook her head, laughing breathily. "No, I mean, I know that, baby," she said, blushing. "I meant the other thing, the life you were talking about."

"Oh," Willow said, looking down at the grass under them. "It's amazing."

"It is," Tara agreed, watching the look of wonder on Willow's face.

"You've felt it," Willow realized, looking at her. Tara nodded, smiling gently at her. "This is what magic has always felt like to you, isn't it?" Tara didn't speak, just put her hand over Willow's in the grass. "That's why I was scaring you."

"Scared for you," Tara corrected her patiently. "But we've always had different styles, sweetie. It doesn't mean we're not perfect for each other."

The redhead nodded, playing with the grass. "I've always gotten the processes that go along with casting spells. It was like a formula, easy. But the connection part of it is always the part that's given me trouble. The feeling of it. That's what's always escaped me." She sighed, brushing her hand through the grass again. "I wish I'd known what I was missing. I've been an idiot for all these years."

Tara pursed her lips, shaking her head. "Willow…" she chided gently. "You're not an idiot."

"Will you teach me?" Willow asked her. "I want to feel how you feel about it."

Tara nodded, curling her fingers through her girlfriend's. "Of course I will. Did it help? Can you still feel the buzzing?"

Willow tried to think, swallowing. "Yes, but it's easier to distract myself now. Thank you."

"Of course," Tara said softly. "You're feeling better?"

Willow nodded, squeezing Tara's hand. "I'm better." She started to say more, but stopped herself. She knew that her withdrawal was going to get worse, complaining on the first day would do neither of them any good. "Can we keep going though?"

Tara smiled and sat back again. "Of course we can." She settled into the grass and Willow followed her, squirming into the space between her knees. Willow relaxed against her and closed her eyes, her fingers in the grass. Tara watched her, the tension warring with the wonder of Willow's new discovery on her face. She traced her fingers through the redhead's hair, laughing softly as Willow moaned.

"That's very distracting," Willow whispered.

Tara smiled, her lips against her partner's ear. "Focus, sweetie," she reminded her teasingly.

Willow's eyes blinked open and she leaned her head back against the blonde's shoulder. "Could I do it to you?" she asked.

Tara blushed, her mouth opening in surprise. "Uh, Willow, we're in the park…"

"Not that," Willow said, laughing. "I mean, I'd love to later, maybe, if you want to, but I meant the other thing, the feeling the grass' life thing. Could I feel yours?"

Tara swallowed, pressing a kiss to Willow's cheek where she could reach. "It's not as simple as the grass, but yes, I can teach you how to do it."

"Neat," Willow said cheerfully. Something occurred to her suddenly and she turned her head to meet her eyes. "Wait, that's not too personal, is it? I mean, I know I've seen you, all of you, but this is a little different, and if you don't want me to see that part of you, I promise it's not going to…"

Tara stopped her with a kiss, Willow pushing closer and using her hand on the ground as leverage. Even in the midst of everything, this didn't change. The way she felt in Tara's arms, it was better even than the sensation the discovery of true magic could give her. They broke apart reluctantly as two passing guys gave them encouraging catcalls, both girls breathing hard.

"You can see any part of me, Willow," Tara whispered, leaning her forehead against the redhead's neck. "You already do." She blushed as she realized how it sounded and smiled crookedly. "You know what I mean."

"I know what you mean," Willow agreed, smiling. "And I'm glad you trust me that much."

Tara's eyes met hers. "I trust you, Willow." It was a simple statement, but it said everything.

_________________
Ripples - Pretty Much Perfect and The Sequel to the Sequel, Who's That Girl?
Every Step That I Retrace/Always Leads Me Back to You/But I've Loved You All Along
Road to Recovery, The Call/The Lightning Strike, The Sun Will Rise

DIBS!!!!!


THIS is it, the essential insight about their different styles of magic, the core beliefs underling its use. Beautifully shown and elaborated on!

I love their relationship; it's very tender, true, and passionate.

This story pulls both my heart and my mind.

Thank you!

Ariel

Yay for great update-y goodness... Big yay for Tara showing Willow the connection and Willow understanding the difference of their former casting styles and asking Tara to teach her Tara's earth-connection style of casting...

_________________
We few, we happy few. We band of buggered.

Posting While Nude Improves Your Mood.

Doubt they can ever actually adot the *same* style but a rela udnerstanding of where the power coems from, yes, that's what Willow needs, and far better this than a traumatic injection....

Good approach to the musical aspect; I mean, on one level we all "know" that "OMWF" was about that but not every writer would have made this specific and logical change.

_________________
Snapshots:http://thekittenboard.com/board/viewtopic.php?f=5&t=10210 a Love Story
____________________________________________________________
Kim: (breaks off the kissing) I l... (Sue stops her with a hand)
Sue: We don't talk about things like that right after, you know that, no saying those things in The Moment.
Kim: (moves the hand aside) Screw The Moment. I *love* you.

Awwwww Maggie, this is such a sweet, sweet moment, I love it, love it, love it! I have a bunch of quotes I want to talk about, and I almost feel silly because I'm quoting like half the chapter and I guess that and this babble are really just proof of how much I admire and adore this fic!

First:



I agree with DCA, this is a leap that I don't think any other fic writer has made, and it's so true, and so perfect, and feels so very, very honest to the spirit of your fic. There is a complete and total honesty, a potential for a happy future, that just puts my soul at ease.



Again, such a perfect and necessary moment. Willow has to come to a place where she realizes how special, how very powerful, Tara's connection to magic really is, how much she has to learn from Tara's strength.

And finally, fantastically humorous moment:


This still made me cackle ridiculously, at the same time I really, really wished that Tara had taken her up on it. *wink*

Wonderful stuff, my friend. Please update soon!

_________________
Wave ... The Wish of Three Hearts
The Yuletide Present ... In From the Cold

"We're in love. We're lovers. We're lesbian, gay-type lovers."

So Willow's going to learn real magick instead of trying to go cold turkey? Wondering if that will make it easier or harder.
It did kinda seem like Will was agreeing to quit just to placate Tara, until the shakes started, and she realized how bad she had gotten. This will be a lot of work for the both of them, but they will come out of it stronger and better for it.

_________________
Did Curiousity kill the cat because Schrodinger opened the box?

My heart and I have wandered aimlessly beneath the Weeping Willows, searching for the sun. - Hayley Westenra, "My heart and I"

Maggie, Maggie, Maggie,

You completely put OMWF out there - if you hadn't figured out what it was about well here's the Clif's Notes. Sweet and to the point. All about secrets, lies, and lies by omission.



Here you have Willow doing the waking up, but really taking it to heart - it's not just lip service. - So while Tara may be under Willow's spell and vice versa, it's not quote the same this time around.



This goes along with the above, nothing to hide from one another. A brand new start, this gives you a whole new avenue to take them on to bypass so much badness and hurt.



I like your take on how Willow sees being a witch. Very little mysticism and connection to everything around her, it's all formulaic.



It does say everything, not just about trust but about being honest and open. Meaning Tara has done that with Willow, and now she has to be willing to do it in return.

Really nice chapter!

_________________
Heather aka vampyregurl73 aka Riverwillows73

My stories:
"Dry Heat – In Progress (still)" "Penny Arcade - Completed"

My Fic Challenge entries:
"Fireworks" "Promise" "I Did What Last Night?"

Love the story line so far. Glad that Willow is starting to understand why Tara is scared of losing her to the magic. I think telling her about her mom's addiction was very key in helping Willow. Looking forward to the next update.

Yay!
No secrets, that's good .
Love the trust aswell and Willow sensning the Earth's energy was great!

_________________
Serving Second Lieutenant of the Kitten Army.
Semper WillTara!
I Serve With Honor For Kitopia!

Ariel: Yay dibs! I'm glad you liked that part - I thought it would be an important realization for Willow to have! I'm so glad that you're enjoying the story! Thank you so much for reading!

Zampsa1975: I'm glad you liked it! I'm glad you're reading! Thank you!

DaddyCatALSO: Yeah, I meant it as more of a starting point for Willow, not that they'll have the exact same style... I'm glad you liked the changes... I love the musical, but if I think about it when I watch it I get bummed out...

LonelyTara: Well, I'm so glad you like it so much! I'm taking it all as a gigantic complement!
I'm glad you like that - that's what I always think about when I watch the musical (which is kind of a bummer so I changed it here obviously)
Yay! I'm really, really glad that you're still enjoying the story! I can't say how much your support and encouragement means to me! This story wouldn't be anywhere near as good as it is without you!
Haha, of course you wanted Tara to take her up on it! I'm still working on the follow up to this and I think you'll enjoy it - so far it's just them teasing and flirting all over the place I hope you enjoy the update, my friend!

Promthea128: That actually gets addressed a bit in the beginning of this chapter and more later on... That was intentional that it might just be her placating Tara, but I wanted her to have this moment of realization where she's deciding to do it for her own reasons... I'm glad you're reading, and I hope you enjoy the update...

vampyregurl73: I watched OMWF a few times before I figured out the meaning behind Tara's song (the others are pretty plain) but ever since then, it's all I think about when I watch it now...
I wanted Willow to have that moment where she decides to do it for her own reasons - up to now, it really could have just been lip service, but she's waking up now...
that's what I'm leading them toward, but it's not all going to be smooth - but less hurting each other, of course!
That's kind of how I always saw Willow's efforts at magic - it was a bit like science to her - ingredients and formulas that produce a result...
I'm so glad you enjoyed that update and I really appreciate the thoughtful feedback! Thank you so much!

love_2003: I'm glad you're enjoying it! I mentioned the idea of Tara's mom being addicted in The Call, but I wanted to expand it a little in this to give Willow a reason why Tara was so scared (not that potentially losing Willow herself wouldn't be scary enough for Tara) I'm glad you're liking it and I hope you enjoy the new one!

KioNewgo: I'm glad you like it! Thanks so much for reading!!!

***NOTE***
Okay, this one is the reason for the rating, so just be aware - don't read it if you don't like it!
***NOTE***

Chapter 4 of 11

I chase my blood from brain to thumped heart
Until I'm out of breath for trying

As she'd expected, things got worse before they got better. She could control the hand trembling during the day, but nights were the worst. At first it felt like they passed slowly, so slowly that Willow could count the minutes. Then it got worse. Within two weeks of no magic, she couldn't sleep at all, only count the minutes until daybreak.

Tara had been teaching her about how to connect to the energy of living things, to experience magic the way she had with the grass, though Willow was careful to never cast a spell, just meditate on it and increase her focus. Sometimes though, it felt like a blessing and a curse simultaneously. She was growing in knowledge and appreciation of what magic really was, what she'd been blind to for so long, but her new awareness made it that much harder to resist using spells. She knew giving it up was helping her though, so she preserved.

It didn't make it any less frustrating to be sleepless. Tara was sleeping beside her and she tried to resist the urge to fidget and move, not wanting to wake her up. Her partner had already proven herself to be an angel, never complaining once when Willow had woken her up thrashing, or screaming as she tried to fight the urge to cast, to give the magic burning in her veins an outlet.

Normally, the focus on her new area of learning gave her a distraction from the almost overwhelming compulsion to surrender to the magic, to give it free reign. It took extreme focus, but she could occasionally push it down long enough to do something besides want it. Tara was carrying her school workload, the redhead much too distracted to do it on her own. She'd skipped the first two weeks of school after she'd started her recovery, but even now that she was back in class, concentration was too much to muster. Sitting quietly in class was all she could manage.

Unfortunately, lying quiet and still might be beyond her tonight. Her skin felt like it was itching, her toes positively tingling and her hair sensitive to the slightest movement. Tara shifted beside her and Willow felt like she was going to scream.

"Are you okay, baby?" Tara asked, obviously sleepy, turning over and blinking at her in the dark.

Willow nodded, flexing and relaxing her fingers against the sheets. "I'm okay." Tara's warmth as she shifted closer was almost scalding and Willow sat up.

Tara let out a deep breath, curling back onto her side. "What is it tonight?" she asked softly. She was familiar by now with Willow's variety of symptoms, ranging from trembling and sweating, to screaming and crying uncontrollably.

"I feel itchy all over. And it's too hot. It's like I'm feverish." Willow wasn't looking at her, but she reached back with one hand to touch Tara's knee through the blankets. "I swear it wasn't you."

"I know," Tara interjected, covering Willow's hand with her own, but withdrew it a few seconds later. "Do you think it might be cooler downstairs?"

"Yeah, but you don't have to come. You should get some sleep, baby." She slid out of the bed and Tara followed her, drawing her eyes. "Really, Tara, you should sleep." She leaned over and gave her girlfriend a slow kiss. "I promise you that it's fine. Lay back down."

Tara shook her head slowly, smiling in the darkness. "I don't want to sleep without you. Come on. I'll scratch your back," she coaxed.

Willow smiled helplessly but didn't say anything as Tara followed her downstairs after taking a moment to slide on a pair of slippers. Tara waited for her to sit where she wanted to sit, spinning one finger with a smile to show Willow to turn. The redhead obeyed, leaning her head forward as Tara scratched her back gently. "Harder?" the blonde asked softly, smiling when Willow nodded, the redhead's breathing shaky.

"Not just my back," Willow pleaded, needing the relief of sensation. "Please…"

Tara nodded, letting her nails drag where they would. She blew cool air on the back of Willow's neck, sweat shining on freckled skin in the dim light through the window. Willow slumped back into her and Tara moved back, letting Willow stretch out on the couch, her head finally settling in Tara's lap. She couldn't do anything but whimper as Tara kept touching her, short nails dragging over both arms and the top of her chest, across her neck. Her whole body tensed like a bow when the fingers moved into her hair, her feet pressing against the far side of the couch as her back arched helplessly, a strangled groan ripping itself from her throat.

"That," she gasped. "Keep doing that."

Tara nodded, hushing her quietly. "It's okay, sweetie. I won't stop."

A moment later though, her words were disproved as the front door opened, Buffy letting herself in. The noise drew their attention, Willow sitting up on one elbow to look at her friend. Buffy jumped as the witch cleared her throat, the Slayer pressing one hand over her chest. "What are you doing down here?" she demanded, voice a hissing whisper.

"I couldn't sleep," Willow said, frowning in confusion. "We thought you were upstairs."

Buffy shrugged out of her coat, fidgeting with it uncomfortably. "Oh, um, I couldn't sleep either. I went out…patrolling." Her weight shifted between her feet and she hung her coat up. "I'm tired now, though, so I'm going to go…to bed." She waved awkwardly. "Night."

The witches watched her go, Willow turning her head to look at her girlfriend. "Was it because I'm going slowly nuts, or did she seem a little weird to you?"

Tara tightened her fingers in Willow's hair warningly. "You're not nuts, Will." She loosened her hands as Willow let her head fall back. "But you're right, she did seem a little off tonight. Maybe the vampires were rough on her."

"Do you think I should go after her?" Willow asked, her eyes closed as she leaned into her lover's touch. She couldn't think past the feelings Tara's fingers on her scalp were causing. "Oh God, baby, that feels…" She lost her breath suddenly, eyes squeezed closed tightly.

Tara bit her lip, the look on Willow's face more expressive than words. She leaned over to press a kiss to Willow's forehead. "You know," she whispered. "If anyone else's fingers were putting that look on your face, I'd be jealous."

Willow's eyes shot open, her hands finding Tara's wrists. "You…" She shivered suddenly. "Vixen." Her withdrawal induced fever appeared to have broken, her hands reaching up further to the back of Tara's neck and pulling her down while her feet pushed her back on the couch and further into Tara's lap. "No one but you," she gasped, kissing her. "Not ever, Tara."

The blonde laughed against her lips. "I know that, you goof. I said if, remember?" She gave her another kiss. "They were my fingers though."

"Well, I don't know about you, but a head massage is only one way you can make me feel that good," Willow said, straining up to kiss her again but was surprised when Tara lifted her lips away. "What?"

Tara was blushing, her eyes hidden behind her hair as she ducked her face. "I-it felt t-that good?"

"Wha-Tara, honey," Willow started, pulling herself up and sliding back firmly so she was fully in Tara's lap. She pushed the hair out of the way so she could see Tara's eyes. "Tara, every single time you touch me, even if you're just passing me a fork at the dinner table, Tara, it's all I can feel." The blonde blushed, biting her lip. Willow smiled, leaning in to press her forehead against Tara's. "And do you want to know what else?" she whispered. One arm curled around Tara's shoulders, the other hand lifting to hover just over her heart. She could feel Tara's life even without touching her, the light and heat and peace of her washing through everything she had, everything she was. She knew Tara could feel the connection and she let it linger. "As amazing as this feels, it doesn't take that for me to feel you. All you have to do is touch me." Their eyes locked and Willow smiled sheepishly after a second. "That was cor…"

Her words were cut off by Tara's kiss, the blonde taking Willow's immediate invitation, exploring the familiar recesses of her girlfriend's mouth. Willow's fingers slid into the back of Tara's hair, holding her head close. The redhead turned on her lap, Tara's arms curling around her middle as she straddled the blonde. Both of them were breathing hard, Willow burying her face in Tara's shoulder as the kiss eventually broke. "Are you ready to go back to bed?" Tara asked, brushing her fingers through Willow's hair. She could feel Willow's heavy breathing against her shoulder and she tried to steady her own heartbeat. "Is this still doing anything for you?" she teased, Willow's head turning so the redhead could nip her neck.

"Always," Willow laughed. "To both questions. You need some sleep, though."

Tara's hands curled around the redhead's thighs. "I'm fine. How are you feeling?"

More kisses scattered across her neck as Willow answered, "I'm much, much better." She lifted her head reluctantly, drawing in a deep breath. "You need to sleep. Sorry I keep messing…"

"Stop," Tara interrupted her. "We're going upstairs and you can show me how that head massage was feeling for you."

Willow bit her lip, trying not to smile. "You want a head massage, you will get a head massage and a half."

"It doesn't exactly have to be a head massage," Tara prompted teasingly, surprising Willow by lifting her, the redhead's legs tightening around her reflexively.

"That's so hot," Willow breathed, curling both arms around Tara's neck as the blonde carried them both up the stairs. "But, of course, you've always been the strong one." Tara cocked an eyebrow at her and Willow swallowed. "The way it counts."

Tara paused, one foot on the step ahead of them and leaving Willow sitting on her thigh. "You, Willow Rosenberg, are the strongest person I know." She met her lover's eyes seriously. "And we know the Slayer."

"Buffy…"

Willow started to speak but Tara stopped her, kissing her deeply while her hands pulled the redhead's hips in tighter against her own. "I don't really want to talk about Buffy right now, if it's okay with you," Tara confessed, her eyes dark. Willow swallowed thickly, nodding wordlessly, not sure she could speak even if she tried.

The door thumped as Tara kicked it closed behind them, Willow still wrapped up tightly around her. Abruptly though, the mood changed, becoming less frantic as Tara stopped, just holding Willow to her. The redhead whimpered as one of Tara's hands supported her bottom while the other dragged down her back. She whined her lover's name, hands trembling against the blonde's shoulder. "Tara, please," she pleaded, not even sure what she was begging for, just knowing that she needed more. "Don't stop touching me."

Tara kissed her again and lowered them both to the bed, Willow keeping her legs locked around the blonde's waist. Tara's hand was already under Willow's shirt, her fingers almost burning against the skin of Willow's belly. "You're warm," Tara panted, Willow arching into her as the blonde's hand covered her breast. The redhead couldn't muster more than a strangled groan, hands pulling frantically at her lover's shirt.

Tara paused with her hands where they were, one on her butt and the other on her breast, and the hesitation gave Willow time to draw breath. "I'm burning up," she groaned. "Please move, Tara. Please!" Her shaky fingers dragged Tara's shirt up her back and the blonde could feel the heat of Willow's hands on her skin. Willow's hips jerked up into hers and Tara couldn't help herself, dragging her hand out from under Willow's back to cover her front, cupping her.

Willow whined sharply, pleading without thought, words spilling out as her body pushed into the touch. "You are burning up, baby," Tara realized. "Are you okay?"

"Ngh, Tara, please," Willow pleaded, almost crying in desperation.

The blonde dragged the hand under Willow's shirt down her torso and back up, nails scratching lightly. Willow had to bite down on one hand to stop herself from screaming. Her body was a mass of tight muscles, everything in her taut while Tara's touch built the tension expertly. Tara could see her lover struggling and surrendered, fingers delving under the edge of Willow's shorts, fingertips finding the scorching heat between her legs.

The first simple touch was all it took to drive Willow over the edge, scream muffled by both hands. Tara didn't stop, two fingers sliding into the molten heat and she groaned as Willow's core tightened around her. The redhead's legs fell limply to the mattress as Tara's hand moved inside her, establishing a blistering rhythm.

Tara licked the sweat from Willow's neck as the little redhead gathered enough presence of mind to start moving her hips against Tara's thrusts. "I, Tara, please, don't stop," she pleaded, her hands falling to either side to grip the sheets. She came again suddenly, Tara kissing her and swallowing her lover's scream.

The blonde kept the contact between their mouths until Willow's body collapsed limply under her. She started to pull out and roll off of her, but Willow stopped her with a whimper, breathing hard. "Are you okay, sweetie?" Tara's free hand traced patterns in the sweat on Willow's skin. "Talk to me."

Willow lifted her head weakly, chuckling. "How do you expect me to talk after that?" she asked, her words coming slowly as she breathed hard.

Tara laughed herself, kissing across Willow's neck. "So you feel good?" she checked. She blew cool air over the sweaty skin, the sensation making Willow quiver.

"Amazing," the redhead answered, her eyes squeezed closed. When she managed to drag her eyes open, she looked down at herself in surprise. "How do I still have clothes on?"

The blonde smiled against her skin, moving her fingers where they were still buried inside Willow. "I didn't really have time to get them off. You were a little…eager."

Willow's eyes scanned her lover's form next, frowning. "And you still have yours on too," she complained.

"You were a bit insistent," Tara reminded her. She pressed her palm to Willow's rapidly pounding heart. "Are you still super sensitive?"

"Always," Willow joked tiredly. "Oh, you mean my skin being all feverish and you practically making me come just from playing with my hair?" Her eyes opened and she shook her head, staring up at the ceiling as she found Tara's head with one hand. "No, that was all you, lover."

Tara's hand slid down and pulled the bottom hem of Willow's shirt up, exposing her stomach. "You're sure? You still feel warm to me."

"I'm very hot, you know that," Willow agreed, yawning. "And you're still…" Tara withdrew her fingers slowly, Willow groaning as she watched Tara clean the wetness from her fingers. "You taste amazing."

Tara blushed, curling her fingers against Willow's chest. "So do you," she said, leaning up to kiss her slowly, sharing the taste with her.

Willow moaned as the kiss ended, pushing Tara back onto her back and tugging at her clothes. "Off," she ordered, pushing the blonde's shirt up even as she slid down her body to drag her girlfriend's shorts down her legs, scattering kisses over the skin. Tara sucked in a surprised breath as Willow caught her clit briefly, sucking in between her teeth before letting it go to lick Tara's center.

Tara arched against her lover's skillful tongue, one leg curling over the redhead's shoulder even as she spoke. "I thought you were tired." Willow didn't lift her head from her task, pressing her tongue in deeper while two fingers rolled Tara's clit. "Willow!" Tara could only gasp her name, there was nothing else in the world at that moment but Willow and their love.

*****
Eh, I'm nervous about this one - you guys be gentle...

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Ripples - Pretty Much Perfect and The Sequel to the Sequel, Who's That Girl?
Every Step That I Retrace/Always Leads Me Back to You/But I've Loved You All Along
Road to Recovery, The Call/The Lightning Strike, The Sun Will Rise

Yay for great update-y goodness... I guess Willow's over-hornyness and burning up are part of the withdraw symptoms...

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We Few, We Happy Few, We Band of Buggered

Posting while nude improves your mood...

You wrote smut! *Bounces up and down with glee* YOU wrote SMUT!

Great update honestly. Had a very realistic feel to it, with Willow's feverishness and over-sensitivity... I loved how they bonded again after their argument.

Keep going!

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Less killy, more frilly