The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: Oblivion (Updated 12/6/10)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:25 pm 
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1. Blessed Wannabe

Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2010 12:51 pm
Posts: 8
Title: Oblivion
Author: AuroraBored
Disclaimer: This is written and read purely for enjoyment. Characters and likeness belong to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer franchise and its entities. I assert ownership of nothing.
Chapter Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: Through season 5, AU after that.
Summary: Moving on is hard to do.
Author's Note: Angst, indeed. I really don't think that outside of the episode of “The Body” grief was addressed very well on the show. This story deals with grief and people moving past trauma. I have lurked for sometime. I generally write original stuff, but I am in a period of writers block, so I thought to borrow another person's characters for a while. :) Enjoy.

Author's Note 2: So, yes, I am opting to post a fic as my first post. Why? Because I am rather eager and I also have read far too many fics on this board as a lurker before joining to give constructive feedback. Plus, I have been playing with this idea for weeks now and when I had time sit down and work on it, I really just wanted to put it out there as incentive for me to continue. So I apologize for a lack of etiquette, but alas. Carpe diam, right?

*************************************************************************************

Tara sat at her small wooden desk on the far wall of their bedroom, pouring over notes for her final. She had decided to pick up summer course work in hopes of graduating early. With having to look after Dawn, time seemed to be of the essence. With her transfer credit from high school course work, her adviser had indicated that she could be done by December if she applied herself. It had been a hard summer. She had been given incompletes in her spring courses thanks to Willow's communication with professors. She had been grateful, but it had meant that she had to write finals for eighteen credit hours in addition to her summer load in order to keep her scholarship. If Willow hadn't been able to keep her head clear, though, it would have meant losing it for sure. If Willow hadn't managed to keep a clear head, she may have lost herself entirely. She couldn't think of that. Not then.

The house was quiet, which wasn't unusual anymore. Dawnie was spending a lot of time at the Magic Box. She said it was still too hard sitting in the house where Buffy had lived and her mother had died. She said she found solace in working along side Anya and Giles. Anya didn't treat her like she might break. Willow had been offered a nine to five internship at a software company which kept her away most days. Most nights, she would patrol with Spike. Things had been exceptionally busy since the things that went bump had learned of the Slayer's death, and arrive home in the early morning exhausted and sore. Xander had finished up reinforcing the doors and windows of the house, he had been weary of leaving the women alone in the house and had needed something to busy himself with. Buffy had received legal notification of her custody of Dawn before her death. The girl's father had not been located, so Willow had petitioned the court of temporary custody in order to keep Dawn from the foster care system. It wasn't set in stone, but as Dawn was older and could articulate her needs and wants to the court, their case worker was optimistic that she could remain with them until she was of age. So much had changed over the past four months. Most days, they found a rhythm. Tara had always been an early riser, so she would wake and prepare breakfast, do a load of laundry or two before waking Willow. She wanted Willow to get as much rest as possible before she was woken. She would let Dawn sleep, affording them a precious bit of time alone. Then Willow was out the door, and Dawn was woken. Tara would walk with her to the Magic Box before heading to campus for classes until three. She would get home, study and make dinner. Willow would arrive at 5:30, Dawn at 6. They would eat, Tara and Willow would retreat to their room or the sofa so Willow could nap. After Willow left again, she and Dawn would have some quality time. It wasn't perfect, but she had to tell herself that it was working. She had tried to talk Willow into letting her patrol by her side, but that had lead to the redhead falling apart each time. Saying that she couldn't risk losing another person, and someone had to be safe for Dawn. It wasn't that she kept Tara from the Scoobidom, or that Willow bore it alone. Xander would patrol as well, stretching himself almost as far as her love. Tara would do research, help with spells as needed. It was their way of grief, Xander and Willow's, their homage to their friend, the reason they picked up the pieces until a new Slayer was called.


“Tara!” Willow's familiar voice yelled up the stairs, preceding loud, clunky foot steps.

“In our room!” Tara called back, closing her notebook and shifting to face the door. Willow walked in the room, and kicked off her clunky dress shoes beside the bed, plopping down. She was smiling, which Tara could only assume was a good thing, something she hadn't seen recently. “You're home early.”

“Yep, I had a meeting with Barb and after she told me to take off,” Willow said, glancing at the clock. 4pm. “Am I disturbing you?”

“Not at all, sweetie,” she replied, getting up and laying down on her side of the bed. “I'm just looking over some stuff for that exam tomorrow. Thinking of ordering in dinner, is that okay? I didn't have time to run for groceries with finals this week.”

“Of course. I want to tell you about my meeting!” Willow said, flopping happily onto her stomach, resting her face in her hands with her elbows sinking into the pillows beside Tara's head. Tara nodded encouragement. “Well, I think you're going to like this. I know you've been pulling an unfair share of weight here, and you've been worried about me being out, and you've been worried about classes, and the financial situation, and all of that. So Barb offered me something that I don't think I can not take. She said that if I worked there part time, fifteen hours a week, they would reimburse my tuition.”

“Will, you honestly think you can handle a job on top of your course load? Dawnie and I will never see you,” Tara said, regret filling her voice that she wasn't being supportive of something Willow seemed enthused about.

“No. I can't. But I could drop my course load to part time. It would take me longer to finish, but school would be free, baby, and I'd have at least some income besides your scholarship and what you get from filling in at the Magic Box. And I could set my hours, some. Work from home some. You wouldn't have to do everything here. I mean, you cook, you clean, you bake. You'll still bake, won't you? Because I really don't think I can go back to Chips Ahoy in my lunch after Mama Maclay's Magic Macaroons....”

“I don't mind taking care of you, Will. It's not like you are twiddling your thumbs or sitting on your hands,” Tara countered, placing a light kiss on Willow's temple. “I don't want you to sacrifice you-your education.”

“It isn't sacrificing. If anything, I'll have a couple years real world experience after graduation. I know it isn't what we talked about, but life kind of happened, and this might make it so we can pull this off. I'll be done before we have to be looking into schools for Dawn, and we won't have debt looming over our heads,” Willow smiled, snuggling down into Tara's arms. “And you can sit on my hands whenever you want.”

Tara tensed a little bit, which got a worried look from Willow. Immediately after being brought back from Glory, Tara had sought comfort in her lover's arms, and they had both held each other tightly as Buffy was lowered into the ground. They had kissed and comforted, but months had passed without true intimacy. They had talked about it some. The bits about Glory. Tara was still getting past feeling so violated, so out of control in her mind. She couldn't help but feel humiliated at the ways her lover had to care for her while she was incapacitated. How could Willow find her sexy after cleaning her because she didn't have the mental capacity for regular bowel and bladder control? Just the thought made her cringe. In her heart, she carried with her the way Willow would look at her right before fingers entered her, the way Willow's eyes would go dark as Tara caressed her stomach and sides, the way the contentment, joy, pride on Willow's face made her feel like a goddess after they made love. She was afraid to take things to that point and see something different.

“I don't mean to push, I'm sorry,” Willow whispered, taking her lower lip in her mouth and gnawing it nervously. She began to sit up, but was stopped by Tara tightening her arms.

“I...I...Will, I'm n-not ready yet for you to...to love me like that yet,” she felt her pulse speed up, she was nervous. She didn't want her love to think she was rejecting her, but at the same time, wanted her to understand. “B-but I could love you like that.” Willow heart jumped in her chest, barely letting herself believe that her love who had been so far for months was offering to love her.

“You mean?” she asked excitedly.

“I mean,” Tara said, a small smile playing on her lips, a memory from when, oddly enough, life was easier. “Okay?”

Willow nodded excitedly. Tara loosened her arms and went to the door, closing in, turning the lock to be sure that Dawn wouldn't accidentally barge in if she came home early, too, for some reason. Tara hurried back to the bed, cupping Willow's face in her hands, bringing her lips to hers. The kiss started as many they had shared, daily, over the course of the summer. Soft, gentle, before Tara caressed Willow's tongue with her's, drawing it into her mouth, sucking it. She ran her hands down Willow's back, slipping her hand under her purple shirt on its way back up. They broke the kiss, Tara pulling it over Willow's head with shaking hands. She gave her a smile. Last summer, their time at the beach had doubled the freckles on the redhead's skin. Now, it was the same as it had been four months ago. Willow shivered at Tara's eyes on her, feeling her nipples harden under her plain black bra. Tara brought her hands to the front clasp, slowly opening the garment to reveal the once familiar breasts. She took one in each hand, massaging them gently. Willow closed her eyes, her face relaxed, something Tara hadn't seen in so long. She brought her lips to Willow's neck, urging her to lay back onto their pillows.

“I've missed you,” Tara whispered, swiftly taking a nipple in her mouth, running a hand down Willow's stomach to the waist band of her grey dress pants, then back to her other breast. She continued the soft fluttering touches, earning a strained whimper and a bucking hips from the redhead. Deciding it had been too long to draw things out too long, she sat, unbuttoning the bottoms, pulling her underwear off with them. She took in the girl laying on the bed, her legs comfortably open, small chest heaving, hands holding tightly to the sheets, eyes clinches close. “I love you, Will.” She placed a searing kiss on Willow's lips, before standing, pulling the girl's body to the edge of the bed. She dropped a pillow onto the floor before getting on her knees, guiding slender legs over her shoulders.

“Oh, Tara,” came a shaky sigh. Tara wasted no time, drawing her tongue along to length of her love's center. “I love you, too, baby. I love you.” Hips began to move in a familiar rhythm. And like a favorite, forgotten song coming on the radio, Tara answered each beat, circling her lover's clit, slowly drawing her fingers in and out of the body which surrounded her. She felt thighs tighten around her, queuing her to apply just a little more pressure before cries of ecstasy filled the warm afternoon air. Tara continued to apply tender kisses to the insides of Willow's thighs as the other girl's breath became even again and the legs wrapped around her loosened. When they finally dropped aside, Tara crawled back onto the bed, beside her girl. Willow had a tired smile on her face, her face was still flushed. “Thank you.”

“No,” Tara replied, pressing a finger over Willow's lips. “You never need to thank me for that. It is one of my favorite things in the world.”

“You smell like me,” Willow chuckled, kissing Tara's finger before it was drawn away. “Baby?”

“Hmm?”

“I'm not pushing, I'm just wondering. I want to help you if I can. What makes you not ready?” Willow stroked Tara's dark blonde hair softly, willing her to meet her eyes. She couldn't help feeling worried. “Was it something I did? It's not all about what Glory took from you, is it?”

“It is what you did,” Tara said softly after a few minutes. Willow's face dropped, Tara's hand instantly stroking her cheek. “You---you took care of me.”

“Of course I took care of you!” Willow exclaimed incredulously. “You needed me.”

“I needed you for everything,” Tara replied, tears were threatening to fall. “And h-h-how can I expect you t-t-to look at me like you used to? H-how c-c-c-can I ex-expect you to want me like t-that?”

Willow's eyes were wide. Her flushed skin was now sickly pale. Concern was etched on her features. “You're the sexiest woman I've ever seen, Tara. I might not tell you every day, because I don't want to push, but I will if I need to. Taking care of you, that didn't change that. I can't explain it, but when you were lost, you weren't you. Bathing you, cleaning you, it was your body but I didn't think about it like that. I mean, one time when I was showering you, I got so upset. It was like this shadow of my girl was there, it was your body and your body is always beautiful but it wasn't you. And now, when I think about you, when you're in my dream, because you always are, you are you. You are you and you are your body. And I would have taken care of your body every day for those times that you would peek through, don't doubt that. But now, you're my strong, beautiful, brilliant, oriented-to-time-and-place-Tara. There's nothing that will ever be as sexy as that. Okay? Come here.”

Willow sat up and pulled Tara', now sobbing to rest on her lap. The door slamming below shook the house, causing Willow to curse under her breath.

“TARA! I'm home! Anya said that she was ovulating and needed Xander to spill seed! Tossed me out of the car! Like it was moving!” Dawn's voice burst through the closed door. Despite her tears, Tara chuckled, kissing Willow's belly before sitting up.

“Might want to get dressed,” Tara said, taking Willow's hand in hers with a tug to encourage her to her feet.

“Might want to fix your hair,” Willow shot back, as she tossed her head back for a freeing laugh. For the first time in months, she felt excited about the idea of tomorrow.
_____________________________________________________________


Last edited by aurorabored on Mon Dec 06, 2010 4:01 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (New Fic)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:42 pm 
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4. Extra Flamey

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Hi, great start, and you did a great Anya line. Please keep going.

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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (New Fic)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 2:38 pm 
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3. Flaming O
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Nice I really like it so far, I think that you portray Willow and Tara's charcter well. I'm really curious to see what you will change in the season 6 arc, if you follow that at all. :) can't wait for the update!


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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (New Fic)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 4:06 pm 
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Great start! Tara's fear of intimacy with Willow after the ordeal with Glory is something new... I'm very interested in seeing that storyline developed further.

Can't wait to read more.... Soon?!?? :pray :pray :pray


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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (New Fic)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 4:40 pm 
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7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
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This is really a lovely start, I am always engaged by the fics that explore the consequences of Glory's violation of Tara. It's terrible that it was so neglected on the show. This promises to be a fantastic fic, I look forward to reading more.

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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (New Fic)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 7:21 pm 
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I like your start, nice beginning.

I enjoy seeing everyone's differing takes on how Glory's brain suck effected not only Tara, but Tara and Willow's relationship as well as how they dealt with the aftermath.

I'm curious to see your plans for the storyline arc and what you'll alter. This has lots of promise.

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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (New Fic)
PostPosted: Mon Oct 18, 2010 9:30 am 
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Very nice start. I'm very excited to see someone actually address this subject since it was so neglected on the show. I can't wait to see where you go with it. More soon please!


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 Post subject: Oblivion (10/24/2010)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 5:38 pm 
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1. Blessed Wannabe

Joined: Sun Oct 17, 2010 12:51 pm
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Title: Oblivion
Author: AuroraBored
Disclaimer: This is written and read purely for enjoyment. Characters and likeness belong to the Buffy the Vampire Slayer franchise and its entities. I assert ownership of nothing.
Chapter Rating: PG-PG13
Spoilers: Through season 5, AU after that.
Summary: Moving on is hard to do.
Part 2

Tara quickly left their room, the sound of Willow's laugh still sounding in her mind. She quickly made the strides to Dawn's room, rapping lightly on the frame and waiting to enter.

“Yeah,” Dawn answered, and Tara let herself into the room. It hadn't changed much over the summer, but artifacts from Buffy and Joyce's lives incorporated their way onto the shelves and instead of body spray, Tara's nose twitched at the smell of poorly matched incense.

“So, Anya threw you out of a moving car?” Tara smirked, leaning against the wall and looking at the teen.

“She's on this baby kick. Says that it is the only way to have Xander make an honest woman out of her or something,” Dawn replied. She gave Tara a shy smile,turning to her vanity to hide the blood that was flooding her cheeks. Tara looked at the younger girl. She was wearing the obnoxious orange and green polo shirt that Anya was currently insisting her 'employees' wear and a pair of jeans that were showing a little more ankle than was fashionable. The child needed new clothes.

“We're ordering dinner. Pizza or Chinese?”

“Pizza!”

“Thought so. I was wondering if you wanted to go school shopping
tomorrow afternoon,” Tara had brought it up before, but for once, the younger girl wasn't itching to go to the mall. However, school started the next Monday, and the midriff baring shirts that made up more and more of Dawn's wardrobe thanks to a recent growth spurt simply were not up to dress code. When she didn't get a response, she tried harder. “I mean, we're going to have to be a bit on frugal side, but I know there are some great sales. Back-to-school and all of that.”

“I don't....Buffy did school shopping. She didn't like to, but she did. Mom would make her,” Dawn said sadly. “Can't we just go shopping and leave the whole 'new school year' thing out of it?”

Tara nodded and crossed the room to give Dawn a hug. The meltdowns had become less frequent, but she knew the storm hadn't passed. She knew, she had heard the quiet sobs coming from her younger charge at night, or from the bathroom. She knew that there were times that Dawn needed to be alone to grief, and there were times that it was obvious that she needed her hand to be held. Tara worried about the upcoming school year. Dawn had been sheltered over the summer, venturing outside their grasp only to visit her friend Janice. The newspaper had reported that Buffy had died in an electric storm. Lightening had struck the tower in the construction site, and Buffy had been cutting through to try to find a quicker way out of the rain. It didn't say that she had died a hero's death. Tara worried that being back in the real world would make the pain more intense. She worried that Dawn might not be able to focus in school or in her first year of high school, fall in with the wrong crowd.

“Just shopping it is. Do you want me to pick you up at the Magic Box after my test or do you want to have a day at home?” Tara asked, absently braiding a section of Dawn's hair before tucking it behind her eat.

“Home? Need an Anya-free day,” Dawson responded. “And with the whole ovulation business, she may just close up shop.”

“Okay,” Tara chuckled. “I'm going to check to see what Willow is in the mood for. You want your usual?”

“Yeah,” Dawn said. Her eyebrows shot up and fear seemed to come from every pore. “Willow's home? What's wrong? Oh my god, is everyone okay?” Tara firmly gripped Dawn's upper arm, and looked at her firmly.

“If things weren't fine, would we be talking pizza and shopping?”

“This is Sunnydale.”

“And everything is okay. She just got home early. She's going to be home early more soon, too. So hand tossed with pineapple, spinach, and red peppers?”

“Yeah. Thanks, Tara.”

Tara dropped a kiss on her cheek, leaving the younger girl with her thoughts. Returning to her bedroom, she saw Willow was making slow work of putting her clothes back on, gazing out their window in her well worn 'patrol' jeans and utilitarian sports bra.

“Will, any preference with the pizza? If not, I'll just get it how Dawnie wants,” Tara said as she moved through the room to her girlfriend.

“You didn't fix your hair,” Willow replied, pulling Tara into a hug.

“Not like I'm going anywhere. Sorry about earlier.”

“Don't be. We shouldn't talked about it, but it's just been so crazy, you know?”

Tara nodded reply.

An hour later, Dawn was comfortably sprawled on the sofa with a plate of pizza resting on her abdomen. She was wearing leopard printed pajama pants and a pink tee shirt with a rabbit carrying a picket sign on the front that she had swiped from Willow's wardrobe a couple years back. Two weeks before she had been sent back upstairs to change out of it by an exasperated Tara, sabotaging her plans for the day. Tara had taken the shirt from her, but when Dawn mentioned it to Willow, it found its way out of their room back into her closet. She flipped through the channels trying to find something worth watching, but reruns of reruns seemed to dominate the August line up. Her ears perked to listen to the older women through the open kitchen door.


“So, I got more holy water,” Tara was saying. “I think the priest thinks I drink the stuff.”

“I accidentally splashed Spike, you know,” Willow replied.

“What?” Tara asked, her voice sharp. “Is he okay?”

“Yeah, yeah. It was just a few drops on his hand. He carried on a bit, went all vamp-y face on me, but chilled out when some mourk demon tried to off him,” Willow said, not knowing Dawn was cringing at her nonchalant tone, not noticing that Tara did the same.

“Please, be careful.”

“I don't do what isn't necessary. You should know that. Things have just been pretty intense the past couple weeks. Water gets splashed.”

“I wasn't worried about the water,” Tara clarified, running both of her hands over her hair.

“I know. Mind if we hang with Dawn until Xander comes?” Willow asked. Part of her wanted to whisk Tara to their bedroom and see if her girlfriend was feeling ready enough to allow Willow to have her way with her, but she also didn't want to push and hadn't spent much time with Dawn as of late.

“Not at all. I'm going to grab my books, then I'll be back.”

Willow followed behind until they parted ways near the sofa. She watched as Tara disappeared up the stairs, holding up the front of her skirt with one hand so not to trip up the steps. Willow made herself comfortable in the chair, stretching her sore limbs.

“Anything on?” she asked.

“Lots. Just nothing very good,” Dawn said, turning to smile at the redhead. “Glad you got off early today. Tara said your schedule will be better? I thought you were just doing school?”

“I got offered a part time position that would cover my tuition in addition to salary, so I'm dropping to part time with school,” Willow replied. “It'll be flexible, so I might even get sleep.”

“Willow?” Dawn asked, her voice suddenly unsure, worry knitting her brow, making her look remarkably like Joyce.

“Yeah?”

“Your parents used to pay your tuition, didn't they?”

“They did,” Willow confirmed, her eyes darting around the room, trying to find something out of the ordinary, something to make Dawn drop it. She and Tara had thus far tried to shield Dawn from some of the more mundane, though never the less challenging realities that they were facing. This being a big part of that.

“Why'd they stop?”

“They don't agree with some choices I have made,” Willow replied. 'Self, keep it vague, keep it together. Do not, I repeat, do not turn this into an issue. Self...'

“Like what?” Dawn asked. She was curious. Joyce had always had nothing but praise for the redhead, except of course that time she and Shelia Rosenberg had banded together to burn their daughters, but that was due to possession or demons or something of the unfriendly, supernatural variety. She had a hard time seeing Shelia thinking differently.

“They don't approve of Tara and I living here and taking care of you,” Willow said, and groaned inwardly with the knowledge that now she would be unable to shut up. “They think that Tara and I are just some college statement to spite them, and while they were able to accept it when it was just us, they find it inappropriate that we have stepped in and not left matters regarding you to social services. They made it clear that if I moved here with Tara to look after you that they would not continue their financial support. Pretty simple.”

“So they want me in foster care,” Dawn said incredulously. She was aware that living with two lesbians under the age of twenty three was less than conventional, but especially in Sunnydale, she wasn't optimistic about a local government organization thoroughly screening and selecting only upstanding, human foster homes. The former mayor had only turned into a giant snake, after all.

“No, Dawnie. They want me to be single, preferably pining after someone with a penis, living in the dorms, never seeing the light of day until I manage to get published in some journal that no one will ever read but that they can brag to their friends about. Heh, this will really piss them off. Lesbian witch daughter, raising a fourteen year old with her lesbian witch partner going to school part time and buying used text books.”

“Well, I'm sorry if you guys coming here had anything to do with losing tuition money,” Dawn said, sincerely, before enthusiasm once again lit her face. “Will you be able to come out shopping with Tara and me? We're going tomorrow.”

“When are you going?” Willow chuckled, settling back into her chair, glad that conversation had gone alright and the younger girl hadn't asked too many questions. The Rosenbergs had not just been a little bit displeased with Willow's life choices, they had taken it upon themselves to actually call social services which lead to more than one unannounced home visit over the course of the summer.

“After her final.”

“I might be able to meet you guys a bit later. And then you can show me everything when you get back,” Willow said. “And make sure Tara gets something for her, too. And can you pick me up some sharpies? The fine tip ones? Not just black. And highlighters. Be sure that there is a blue highlighter, I like those the best.”

“Sure thing,” Dawn chuckled. “Ghostbusters!”

“Pfft. They got nothing on me.”

Tara walked back downstairs, wearing a pair of black yoga pants and loose fitting UC-Sunnydale tee shirt. She sat on the floor in front of Willow chair, spreading her books in front of her.

“Who has nothing on you, sweetie?”

“Ghostbusters,” Willow replied.

“Course not,” Tara laughed before pouring herself back into her studies. Before she knew it, Xander and Spike were in the living room, whisking Willow off for patrol. .

“Tara, I'll see you when I get home. Dawnie, I'll see your new goods tomorrow,” Willow called over her shoulder. Tara wanted to cling, have slower goodbyes at night, but in the pit of her stomach, she knew that would only prove to make things more difficult.

It had been a quiet night. It reminded Willow of when her and Xander first started patrolling. The times before they really were able to comprehend how dangerous the fight was. Both of them had found it romantic, in a way. It made both of them special, even if no one else knew it. Willow thought it had seemed more black and white then. Now, with vampires and demons on their side, it all seemed more complicated. Her childish notions of good verse evil had been shattered long ago. When the trio entered the house, the kitchen light was still on. Tara was sitting at the table, cup of tea in hand, writing out a stack of bills. She smiled at the three of them, but her exhaustion was obvious.

“How was it?” she asked, trying to stifle a yawn.

“Nothing went bump,” Xander said. “We're just going to you know...”

Tara and Willow both just nodded as the men split up to check the home. When Xander first insisted on checking the house nightly, Willow had protested. It wasn't until Anya pulled her aside and told her that Xander didn't sleep at night, sometimes he would leave and join Spike in keeping vigil outside the house until sunrise. Despite having the same field time as Xander, and a similar stake to vamp ratio over the summer, she knew that he was trying to hold onto her. Buffy had come back from the dead before, and to him she had seemed invincible. Discovering she wasn't made looking out for his very mortal best friend more paramount.


“Do you need anything to eat? I saved some pizza,” Tara offered, snapping Willow from her thoughts..

“No, thanks. I think I just need some sleep. You going to come up?” Willow asked. “You look pretty zonked.”

“I am,” Tara yawned, getting to her feet and allowing herself to be lead up the steps. “We're paid up until the middle of next month. My aid check will hit, so there's actually going to be some cushion.”

“Cushion? Is this before or after back to school shopping?” Willow inquired, leading Tara to sit on the sit of the bed.

“I'll say after? Those shifts at the Magic Box certainly helped,” Tara smiled, nuzzling Willow's shoulder. She was exhausted, too tired to censor the soft giggle that came from her mouth.

“What?” Willow asked.

“You smell,” Tara wrinkled her nose and pushed Willow gently away from her.

“I smell?”

“You smell. You need to shower before bed. Seriously,” Tara laughed, but her eyes held a seriousness. Willow raised her arm for a second, then snapped it down.

“You're right. I'll be back. Want to join?”

“Not tonight, sweetie. Like you said, zonked.” Willow nodded her defeat and dropped a quick kiss on Tara's forehead before leaving the bedroom. She was unsure if Tara's zonkedness was really the reason, but didn't think to question. They had made progress, after all.

Tara collapsed on her side of the bed, trying to will herself to stay awake while Willow showered, though she was unsuccessful. Willow entered their bedroom, towel twisted above her breast. The lamp on the desk was still on and showed Tara sprawled ungracefully on the bed, one of her legs hanging off. She tossed the towel into the hamper, and made work of moving Tara into a more comfortable position.


“Sleep...” Tara whined, griping onto her pillow, not opening her eyes.

“Yeah, sleep. Just getting you comfy. You'll thank me tomorrow,” Willow whispered. “Better?”

“Uh huh.”

Willow turned off the lamp and slid into the bed, still naked. She gathered Tara in her arms, resting her head on her chest.

“You awake, baby?” Willow asked. She felt Tara nod. “I love you.”

“Love you, too.”

“Good luck on your final,” she added. “It was really a quiet night.”

“Don't say it,” Tara's voice was no longer tired, but warning and undeniably scared. Willow looked down at the woman on her chest, dismayed that her eyes were now wide open and her shoulder muscles were tensing.“Don't.”


“Okay,” Willow replied. She stayed awake until she felt Tara relax again, warm steady breath on her breast. Only then did she allow herself to close her eyes, making a vow that there would be a day that revealing in a good day would not be a curse for the next.
____________________________________________________________


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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (Updated 10/24/10)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 5:57 pm 
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7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
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I'm looking forward to the next chapter!

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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (Updated 10/24/10)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 24, 2010 6:24 pm 
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Definitely keeping me interested in seeing the next chapter.

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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (Updated 10/24/10)
PostPosted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 4:17 am 
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Hi there again. More lovely background again. I liked seeing how Dawn was surrounding herself with Joyce and Buffy's stuff. Maybe that made her feel closer to them in a way. And the fact that she doesn't want to call it back-to-school shopping. Nice touch.

Now, these girls have to quit wearing themselves out all the time so they can maybe work a little more on some of Tara's issues and get with more "reconnecting".

Can't wait to see what's next.


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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (Updated 12/6/2010)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 12:34 pm 
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1. Blessed Wannabe

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Title: Oblivion
Part 3
Part Rating: PG-PG-13
Author's Note: I appreciate the welcoming feedback. Sorry it has taken so long to update. It has been an intense month and a half so I haven't had much in the way of downtime, but I now have my master's degree and have some stability in my life. Enjoy
_______________________________________________________

Dawn stared at the ceiling of her bedroom. The one that she had remembered staring at for the past fourteen years, while in reality it had been so much less. With morning light through the curtains, she could make out the raised outline of glow in the dark stars that had been placed years before, right after they had moved into the house. Or something. If she considered it too much, she still got a little bit dizzy and freaked out. She could hear Willow or Tara, maybe both banging around in the bathroom. It was strange when she thought about the past year. She had always admired Willow. The redhead never ignored her, never told her to get lost. She would even defend her to Buffy, telling her how it was kind of cool to have a little sister. She couldn't help but wonder if Willow still thought it was kind of cool or if she was just doing all of this out of feelings of obligation. She chided herself softly. No, she knew that Willow and Tara both cared a lot about her, but it certainly wasn't how most people anticipated college. No, they anticipated Spring Breaks and Frat parties and flip cup. No. She better not say that last part out loud. Not if she wanted to be allowed to go out without an armed guard flanking her.

She glanced at the Hello Kitty alarm clock on her bed stand before remembering that she didn't have to get up until Tara called her after her class. After a few moments of consideration, she flopped over and rolled out of bed, wobbling slightly as her legs regained their strength on the way to the hallway. She heard Tara's voice over the flow of water in the shower. Her and Willow's bedroom door was cracked so she peaked in. Willow was still in bed, sprawled on her stomach, the sheet covering her naked form from the waist down. Dawn's eyes widened for a moment, opting to shake her head violently and going downstairs.

Breakfast. Willow and Tara needed breakfast. Willow was finishing her internship and Tara had her final. And she had nothing of any real importance to do, besides non-back-to-school shopping when Tara was done. She could call Janice, but she was getting a bit exhausted of the other girl complaining about her annoying mom and oblivious dad. What she wouldn't do for her mom to nag her about dirty towels one more time. But she didn't want to think about that now. She just wanted to make coffee. And scrambled eggs. And maybe some cinnamon toast. Yes, Tara said just last week that she loved cinnamon toast.

“You're up early,” Tara said as she entered the kitchen, startling the young girl from her solitude.

“Yeah. Willow is still sleeping,” Dawn said, and moved to the coffee pot, grabbing a mug from the rack. “There's coffee, if you want.”

“I want,” Tara yawned and smiled as Dawn fixed the cup. It was nice to see the girl had been paying attention. “Thanks. You're the best.”


“No problem. I mean, I should so something today. Besides this, it is sofa city and Price Is Right for me until the afternoon.”


“You could go to the beach or something while I'm in school. I'm sure Willow would drop you off on the way. There's always laundry,” Tara smirked, hoisting herself onto the stool at the island, resting her chin in her left hand, gripping the mug in her left.

“Nah, me and Mr Barker need to catch up. You know that TV in the Magic Box? Apparently Anya gets twitchy if anyone turns it on.”

“You noticed that, too?”

“Yeah.”

“I want you to make a list of stuff you need, check out circulars. All that stuff. Do you need a new book bag? Binders and stuff?”

“I'm good with my old bag, could use a new notebook, new writing stuff. Mr. Donaldson said that we should get a graphing calculator, but those are pretty...”

“They're steep. You can use my old one. I got a new, snazzy model my freshmen year, nothing you'd need yet,” Willow interjected walking into the kitchen.

“That works for me,” Dawn shrugged, starting Willow's coffee, stirring in sugar and milk. She handed it to the redhead, who was ill-matched in a business suit and sleep mussed hair. She took the green mug with a grateful smile.


“Here's my list,” Willow said, handing Tara a three by three, purple post-it note. “Nothing too snazzy.”


Willow's School List
Three one inch binders, red, blue, green
2 variety packs of fine sharpies (red, green, blue, black, purple)
Small post-its (blue, yellow, pink)
Highlighters (2 of yellow, orange, green, purple, 3 blue)
600 pages loose leaf, recycled, college ruled paper
6 yellow legal pads


“Sweetie, you have binders from last semester,” Tara said, giving Willow a bemused smile.

“I also have them from the semester before that and those many semesters before that. You know the system,” Willow retorted, distinctly remembering sophomore year when Tara helped her unpack a decades worth of notebooks into a shelf stashed in her closet.

“That's kind of overkill. I don't even take notes,” Dawn interjected. “Learned that from Buffy. She never read them anyway.”
___________________________________________________________
Tara trudged across campus. She was extremely satisfied that summer semester was over and they would all have a little bit of down time. Despite being a bit more stressed out about money than she would have liked, she was looking forward to shopping with Dawnie. Willow needed a few new things too. Before settling on a patrol outfit, she had ruined almost all her non-work clothes. Her tennis shoes were in rather awful shape as well. Dawn really needed everything. Her jeans were embarrassingly short, and her shirts, while likely appealing to the average red blooded teenager were going to get her or Willow called away if she showed up to school in them. . She had almost outgrown both her sandals and her sneakers. The modest stipend that social services provided was hardly keeping Dawn in food, but it had to let up soon. She pulled her cell phone out of her crocheted purse and dialed the house.

“Hey, Dawnie.”

“Tara! How was the final?”

“It was great. Hey, do you want to just meet me at the Espresso Pump in fifteen? I need to go by the registrar and then I can be there.”

“Yes!”

Tara shook her head as the phone disconnected without so much as a goodbye. She didn't actually need to go by the registrar, but she did need to have a few minutes to breathe before putting on game face. No, she didn't want to think of it like that. School was one thing, she could handle that because she had to. But the idea of being in a crowd made her stomach churn. Hadn't she been in a crowd when Glory had taken her? It had gotten so loud, like being surrounded by voices. Voices under her feet, wrapping around her fingers, screaming in her ears. No, this wasn't like Glory. Glory was gone. She was going to shop with Dawn, it was going to be normal, and comfortable. She was going to buy her girlfriend some jeans, and may pick up a few new tops for both of them. She was going to give Dawn feedback on things she tried on, balancing between being too permissive and too cool. She dialed Willow's cell phone, but didn't hit 'send', opting to shove it back in her bag.

“Willow found you,” she whispered as she moved across campus. She ground her molars lightly on the inside on her left cheek. “She found you, she will always find you. Always. Always. Always.”

Her mantra guided her from campus towards the commercial district. She could feel her heart returning to it's normal rhythm, calm filling her. She entered the familiar coffee shop and went ahead to the counter when she didn't see Dawn yet.

“What can I get for you?” the young guy at the counter with unfortunate skin and name tag that read 'Mark' asked with a forced smile.

“Can I get a small green tea latte with skim milk?”

“Sure. Anything else?”

“No, thank you,” Tara said, pulling a five out of her wallet.

“That'll be $2.64.”


Dawn walked through the familiar commercial district of Sunnydale. It had expanded in the past few years, getting a few of the big box stores and more chains. She remembered Buffy's laments when they first moved to Sunnydale that there wasn't a Macys, but one had opened its doors in April. They had gone to its grand opening, it was the only time Buffy had the opportunity to go. The tags were still on the swimsuit she had purchased, Dawn had checked.

It was warm out, but goosebumps rose on her skin. Three girls from a year or two ahead of her passed. They looked like Buffy's friend Cordelia had, wearing tight dresses on their bodies that seemed to have bypassed the awkwardness of adolescence. She glanced absently at her own clothes, a pair of denim cut-offs that fell above the knee and a UC-Sunnydale tee-shirt, rounded off with a pair of sneakers without socks. Before Buffy died, remembered that she might have cared, but now, it seemed of limited consequence. No. She wasn't going to go there today. She was going to enjoy herself today. If not for her, for Tara who was trying so hard to make things some what normal.

She was glad when she saw Tara already at a table, her sketch book opened and pencil in hand.

“Hey!” Dawn exclaimed, plopping down quickly across from Tara, who had jumped. A jagged line marred the carefully executed landscape of the coast. “Sorry.”

“I—it's okay,” Tara assured. “Do you want something to drink or should we get to it?”

After several hours, a meltdown in Old Navy (Dawn), a near panic attack over the mice in the pet store (Tara), and a few hundred bucks, the two trudged into the large office supply store, the last stop on their route. They both hoisted their bags into the shopping cart, shaking blood flow back into their hands. Tara's phone rang, Willow's number lit the screen.

“Hey, Will,” Tara said, pointing at a display a few aisles over for Dawn to investigate. “How has your day been?”

“Good, finishing a little early. Do you want me to pick you guys up?”

“Oh, yes, please. We're almost done. Just stopped in the office store to finish things out. We should be done in twenty,” Tara said, her voice sounding weary. “Can you meet us here?”

“Consider it done. See you in five. Love you!” Willow chirped and hung up the phone. The traffic light turned green and she turned right. It had been a pretty light last day, the majority of the time being spent moving her cubicle and having a luncheon with the other interns. She had been invited out for drinks, but she had decided that she wanted time with Tara, especially the intimacy they had shared the previous afternoon.

Tara followed behind Dawn as she tossed items from her school list and Willow's sticky note into the cart. She occasionally snagged something for herself, though what she really needed was a trip to the art store to get things ready for her senior portfolio. Most of that would have to wait until her financial aid check came through. The laundry list of things she needed for art supplies always ran her more than books. Despite being a double major, art was the one in which she had invested most of her time and energy. The more “practical” psychology course at least would almost guarantee her some low paying job as a case aid.

“Tara! Look! It's kitties!” Dawn squealed, thrusting a planner in Tara's face. “Each month has a theme! Look! November looks like Miss Kitty! In a turkey costume!”

“Get it if you want,” Tara said, giving Dawn a sad smile. Miss Kitty had gone missing when Glory blew a hole in the dorm. The reward posters had been no help. “Not everything has to be practice, you know. Girls got to write down homework somewhere.”

“Ooooo! You're the best!” Dawn said, tossing it in the cart. “I think I have everything for Willow and me.”

“Great, let's check out.”

Tara had been responsible for buying all of her own supplies for years now, but she was taken aback by the additional costs of Dawn and Willow. She shook it off, this was planned for. She and Willow had discussed it well over a month ago. All bills were paid. It had been one thing being poor when it was just her, but she knew that neither Willow or Dawn were used to being thrifty. She had been proud of the teenager, making mostly cost effective decisions without advisement. Willow had gotten much better in the grocery store in recent weeks. It helped to remind the redhead that it wasn't forever. They would graduate, they would find jobs, and get ahead on bills. Dawn would successfully launch into a well-adjusted adult in a few years time, and everything, certainly, everything would be perfectly fine. Except for the vampires and the occasional demon or god of miscellaneous variety.

Willow was waiting out front, leaning on a brick column, nose buried in a Tolstoy novel. She looked more relaxed than Tara had seen her in a while. She had shed her suit jacket, leaving her in a dusty rose shell and brown skirt that brushed her bare knees. She had apparently traded her pumps and hose for flip flops in the car.

“Thanks for coming to pick us up,” Tara said, kissing Willow's shoulder lightly as the other woman took a few of the shopping bags from her. “Next time, remind me that I hate shopping. Please?”

“How was the final?” Willow asked as they trailed Dawn back towards the vehicle.

“It was good. Not my best, but I passed.”

“I'm sure you were brilliant. Did you get art stuff?”

“I'm still waiting for the material list. Anna Karenina again?”

“It was under the seat.”
_____________________________________________________________

After getting home and organizing their purchases, Dawn volunteered to go spent the night at Janice's house, despite not really feeling up to going. Her friends had been on her a lot in the recent weeks to hang out with them and she was beginning to fear that if she didn't, she would be eating alone at lunch once school started back up.

“I'm doing patrol with you tonight,” Tara said, as soon as she heard the front door slam. Part of her was already kicking herself once the words were out. They had discussed this before and it always was upsetting. She watched Willow arrange her new school supplies on the small desk in the corner. The redhead dropped a stack of note cards and turned around.

“No,” Willow replied. “I need you here. Dawnie needs you here.”

“I'm not asking p—p—permission, Willow. You and Xander, you're stretched much too thin. You can't go full sped every night. Having someone else in rotation would allow you time to rest,” Tara said, the anxiety and frustration rising in her voice. “You are going to wear yourselves out and then who will be there to protect us?

“It's...a new slayer will be called,” Willow snapped, bringing her fist down on the desk, hard.

“Where, though? Wasn't Kendra Scottish or Irish or Australian or something? Didn't Giles say there were Hellmouths elsewhere? Who's to say the new slayer isn't there already?” Tara asked. “I am not asking to go out there alone or unarmed. You don't get to decide everything.”

“Really? Because I don't see a line of volunteers for the deciding!”

“I am volunteering!”

Both women were on their feet. Tara couldn't quite wrap her mind around what had caused her to feel so angry. This was the first time that she had really pressed the issue, after all. She hadn't expected Willow to be receptive. In fact, she had expected that she would probably back down as soon as Willow started to protest, because she really didn't desire to cause the redhead distress. She mostly wanted her to be aware that she could ask for help, that she had back up. She hadn't
planned to push, but she was so filled of frustration.

Willow's pulse was racing as she looked at the woman across from her. This dance was starting to take it's toll. She knew each step by now, but each time, the pressure, the tension seemed to build.

“Tara, please,” Willow snapped, turning her back to her girlfriend and looking through her drawer. They had to be there, safely nestled in an envelope, wrapped in black silk.

“I don't want you to carry this alone,” Tara sighed, sitting back on the bed, silently praying that Willow would turn and face her again. She did not.

“I know, baby,” Willow replied, finally finding what she was searching for. She discreetly removed a sprig of dried flower from the envelope, running the black silk across her face in pursuit of a bead of sweat that appeared on her brow. She hated this. She softly caressed the delicate flower. “I want you to just forget it, Tara. Forget.”


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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (Updated 10/24/10)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 1:00 pm 
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6. Sassy Eggs

Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2008 10:43 am
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Dibs

Interesting. It's rare for W/T fan fics to actually go into Willow's forget spells, instead of just talking about the consequences.

Quote:
She hated this.

Does this imply that Willow's done this before?

I wonder what Tara's reaction is going to be when she finds out. I'm sure it doesn't help that Willow is erasing times when Tara is standing up for herself instead of the memories of Glory that haunt her (even though she shouldn't do it at all).

Congratulations on your master's. Can't wait for the next update.


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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (Updated 10/24/10)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 1:39 pm 
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8. Vixen
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Congrats on your degree.

Nice update.

Ahhh, once again Willow deciding what's best, even after it just came out of Tara's mouth she doesn't get to decide. Has the spell been cast or will she at least offer Tara the option?

Looking forward to more.

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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (Updated 12/6/10)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 5:38 pm 
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7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
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Definitely congratulations on your degree. I found myself moved in many ways by this chapter. This is one of the most powerful examinations of the pain Tara has gone through since Glory's attack:

Quote:
Tara shook her head as the phone disconnected without so much as a goodbye. She didn't actually need to go by the registrar, but she did need to have a few minutes to breathe before putting on game face. No, she didn't want to think of it like that. School was one thing, she could handle that because she had to. But the idea of being in a crowd made her stomach churn. Hadn't she been in a crowd when Glory had taken her? It had gotten so loud, like being surrounded by voices. Voices under her feet, wrapping around her fingers, screaming in her ears. No, this wasn't like Glory. Glory was gone. She was going to shop with Dawn, it was going to be normal, and comfortable. She was going to buy her girlfriend some jeans, and may pick up a few new tops for both of them. She was going to give Dawn feedback on things she tried on, balancing between being too permissive and too cool. She dialed Willow's cell phone, but didn't hit 'send', opting to shove it back in her bag.

“Willow found you,” she whispered as she moved across campus. She ground her molars lightly on the inside on her left cheek. “She found you, she will always find you. Always. Always. Always.”


And I thought it was terribly, terribly sweet that Tara was putting on "game face" for Dawn, while Dawn was trying to do the same for her. I've always really enjoyed the surrogate-mother relationship that Tara and Dawn have.

At the same time, I'm devastated that Willow is either being tempted to, or has already used the Lethe's bramble on Tara. It's hard to see a "together and happy" ending growing from such a place. I look forward to the next chapter, with some trepidation.

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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (Updated 12/6/10)
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 2:28 am 
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13. Big Knowledge Woman
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Oh my. Again you are doing such an amazing job with the behind-the-scenes stuff, all the emotions they had to go through during this period. They were under such stress of daily living alone, not to even mention the slaying burden on top of all that. Just wow. And poor Tara. Does anyone even know what she's going through with her PTSD from Glory? I'm guessing she's trying to deal with it all alone so she won't put anymore stress on them. It all makes my heart ache.

But man, that conversation got out of hand quickly, and understandably so considering the stress. But why, oh why, was Willow's first instinct to turn to that stupid flower??! Oh, that whole thing still burns me up.

Anyway, great job again, and congrats on the degree!


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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (Updated 12/6/10)
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 6:40 am 
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Just wanted to say great fic...!!

Your writing is lovely and the emotions really come across clearly. The tension seems to be slowly building from the start of the fic really, and it's just waiting to burst in the sense that I feel something bad is about to happen just when they're picking themselves up from the post S5-events... I think the ending of the last chapter and the title of the fic are not helping... ;) Whatever happens, I'm hooked!

Thanks for sharing and I can't wait to read more!

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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (Updated 12/6/10)
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 8:38 am 
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Wow, this is something new. Not many writers approach from this point of view. You've done a great job at really capturing the characters. You really got me curious now!
I'm not sure if Tara's 'game-face' is good or bad. Wouldn't being honest be better?


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 Post subject: Oblivion (Updated 12/7/10)
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 5:58 pm 
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1. Blessed Wannabe

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Title: Oblivion
Part 4
Rating: PG
Author's Note: I appreciate the feedback! Right now, Tara isn't dealing, none of them are really doing more than coping. I wouldn't call it good or bad, it is just where they are. I never bought into the magic addiction and I never bought into Willow being so opposed to disagreements that she would wipe Tara's mind. It just didn't fit. This chapter is very Willow-centric. I'm also a bit shaky with some of the dialogue in this chapter, particularly with Xander. He's a tricky one.


Xander trailed Willow as she walked swiftly through the graveyard. He watched her, a wooden stake held stiffly at her side. Each step was even and deliberate. She got like this some nights, there wasn't really a pattern. When she was like this, he was very grateful to be on the side of the living, because she didn't just patrol, she hunted. It reminded him of Buffy. How she would get when someone was in danger. How she would get when she was in pain. When he had picked her up from the house, Tara was already asleep. Willow hadn't been up to the usual small talk or quips. They must have had a fight or something, because when Xander had spoken to her early in the evening, she had been in a great mood.

“Stay back!” she hissed, coming to a quick halt. He made a few long steps to her side, slipping the stake out of his pocket, and adjusting the crossbow on his back. Ten yards away, there were some graves that hadn't been there the night before. Three. Likely the car accident on the road along the beach two days prior that had claimed the life of everyone in the car. It had been in the papers.

Right after that thought had passed through his consciousness, three forms came forward. The undead shells of three people who had been just a few years younger than he was. Two girls and boy. The papers had said they were best friends. Fitting that they were going to again meet the same fate. He couldn't not think to how it used to be. He had his two girls. He wondered if the boy had loved one of them, maybe both of them, the way he had different times had loved Buffy, had loved Willow. But there wasn't time for that as he saw Willow charge forward. The smaller of the female baby-vamps was quickly slain. He barely had time to register her dark hair with a pink barrette before she exploded into a million dust particles. The other two were now aware. Not of him, but of Willow. Did they want revenge for their fallen comrade or did they just want her blood? They both lunged for Willow, who quickly turned and thrust a stake away from her body, missing the heart. Xander managed to follow up, a stake through the boy. Maybe an inch shorter than he was, a little bit chubby, with what looked to be the reminents of terrible acne, visible even through his vamp face. He felt like he was waging war on children, but he knew that the innocence that had been there when the car swerved from the pavement had been been eternally lost. The remaining vampire, blonde braid down the back of her grey burial outfit seemed to know her end was at hand if she stayed, so she turned to flee. Both Willow and Xander had prohibitions against killing someone as they ran away. Spike, who had dashed across the cemetery had no such allusions of morality when it came to their task, transformed her into a cloud of dust before she made it over the crest of the nearest hill. Xander placed a hand on each of Willow's shoulders and looked her over. Aside from a cut lip, she was no worse for the wear.

“You okay?” he asked, his eyes darting about the darkness around them.

“Fine. You're okay?” she countered, and he nodded, breathing hard. “Good. Anya has bigger and better things planned for you.”

“Everything good with you and Tara?” he asked as they began to follow behind Spike.

“Huh? Yeah, everything is fine,” she answered, stepping a bit to the side to create some more distance. She didn't dare find his eyes. “We just kind of don't see eye to eye on something, but I'm sure she's forgotten all about it by now. And I'm trying to.”

“Nothing big?” he asked.

“No, it's...she just wants to be more in on the whole patrol thing, and I don't think it is a good idea. It's dangerous, and Dawn needs at least one of us safe and sound. And you know, patrol. Not all with the safe or the sound.”

“Another set of hands couldn't hurt,” Spike interjected. “Your bird might not be the fiercest thing ever, but she might just be what we've got.”

“Not happening,” Willow snapped. “She's good with the research, when things are really big, but I don't want her out here nightly. This is---this isn't her fight. Like I said, I'm sure she's forgotten it now. She knows I would do anything to keep her safe.”

It echoed in Willow's mind. Anything to keep her safe. That was what she was doing even though it made her feel lower than low. Even though she knew that it wasn't right. Anything to protect her Tara. Tara might be a Scooby, but she hadn't been for long. She hadn't grown up in the trenches. She hadn't even been actively fighting and Glory had robbed her of her sanity. She had just been sitting alone on a park bench. Alone because she had left her, because she had let her down. She wasn't going to repeat that mistake again. She wondered what Tara would say if she knew. What Xander would say. What would Buffy had said? It wasn't like she was really manipulating her. She could make a clean slate, if she had really wanted to. A Tara who had never known the pain of her father's abuse or “strict discipline”, as Tara phrased it. A Tara who hadn't held her mother in her arms as she died. But she wouldn't do those things. Those things were terrible, but they had given Tara such admirable strength. Strength that Willow knew she couldn't win against in the fight to keep her girl safe. More than anything, she was terrified that one day, the funeral she would be at would be Tara's. That her girl would have died because Willow failed to protect her.

“Don't got to get all up tight about it,” Spike said before distancing the space between him and the others.

Willow slipped into bed. Tara was usually awake when she got back from patrol, but it was late. She was a bit grateful, too. The residual effects of the spell, the guilt, they would be better in the morning. Tara snuggled closer to her as she slept, soothing her night chilled skin that covered achy bones and muscles. They didn't have to be awake early tomorrow. Not with it being Saturday and Dawn being out of the house.

“I love you, baby,” Willow sighed, kissing the top of Tara's head before falling into sleep.

Tara woke with a start. The dawn light filtered in through the curtains of their bedroom window and it made her wince. The feeling reminded her of the one and only time she had been truly drunk. It had been shortly after her mother's death and when she woke the next day, her hangover was enough to keep her within a two drink limit. This seemed to happen occasionally since Glory. The doctor couldn't find anything wrong and told her not to worry too much. She had made a remarkable recovery from her nervous breakdown, after all.

She let her mind wander back to her dream and she shivered, despite having a warm body snuggled closely around her. It was being back in the no mans land, but this time, this time there hadn't been the flashes of Willow on the outside guarding her, the images that had brought her some semblance of peace, some ability to survive. This time, it had been Willow holding the puppet strings, Willow making the hell jig and spin around her.

But that wasn't real. That was a nightmare. She positioned herself to see her sleeping girl's face, and winced at the cut lip and the blood that had seeped onto the pillow case. She moved quietly and withdrew two satchels of herbs, kava kava and bridewort, and a bottle of lavender essential oil from her bedside table. This wasn't the worst that Willow had come home with, but she was certain it would hurt when she woke. As she worked, Willow began to come into consciousness, opening, then closing her eyes for a few more minutes. Never wincing as Tara's nimble fingers touched her wound, prompting a light numbing to flow over her face, followed by a wave of comfortable warmth.

“Are you hurt anywhere else?” Tara asked softly. Willow shook her head, and Tara snuggled back down into the pillows. “Anything major?”

“Three new vamps. Nothing we couldn't handle.”

“New?”

“Yeah. You remember, from the car accident? Those three kids were turned,” Willow said, sadly.

“Oh, my. How's Xander?”

“Good. Said Anya's keeping him busy.”

“Yeah, I'm sure,” Tara softly laughed, thinking of Dawn's comments over the past few days. Willow noticed that her forehead was wrinkled, her mouth drawn in a grimace.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine. Just feeling kind of queasy this morning. Like a few weeks ago. Remember, doctor said it was no big.”

“I'll make you some tea and get the ultram they gave you,” Willow said, kicking off out of the bed and out of the room.

When she returned, she found Tara was asleep once more and Willow was relieved. She knew this by now. And she hated it, but not as much as she hated the idea of losing Tara, of them all losing Tara. The discomfort that lingered was minor compared the the possible pain of her being on the front line. Since Glory, Tara hadn't been the same. She didn't walk calmly across campus, taking in the sounds of the birds and the fraternities. No, she searched for anything that was out of place. And she saw things that didn't belong everywhere. She was tense, her posture beyond the timidity that it had been when they first met. It was terror. What would happen if she failed again? She was Willow Rosenberg and she learned from her mistakes.


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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (Updated 12/6/10)
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 6:19 pm 
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7. Teeny Tinkerbell Light
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This is definitely a compelling read, but I find myself horrified by Willow's reasoning. I think what she's doing here, forgive me, is almost worse than her magic-addicted addled thinking leading her to try to control Tara. Here, she's herself, and somehow her logic has been so twisted (I assume by Buffy's death) that she actually feels that it's right to violate Tara's mind this way. And obviously it's having an affect on Tara in more ways than one. You'd think Willow would be afraid of the damage she might be doing to her love. Don't get me wrong, this is a strong, well-written fic, it's just angsty. I'm no stranger to angst, I just look forward to the light at the end of this very, very serious tunnel you're leading us down.

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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (Updated 12/6/10)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2010 6:56 am 
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4. Extra Flamey
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From the outside POV it's hard to understand Willow's reasoning, I'm trying to think of what they all have been through, I mean, no one will come out of all that completely sane, would they?? ;) So some mysterious decision making will happen... I think Willow's feeling she has to protect Tara no matter what is extremely strong and it's clouding her mind, on top of the guilt she obviously feels for having 'let Tara down' that day in the park with Glory...

There are so many hidden issues for every character, both on the show as in this fic, that they're in need of serious shrinkage I think! ;) I know I would be... but these guys are trying to get by on their own and they have to because they have no choice.

I am absolutely sure that there will be a happy ending somewhere down the line but this fic is so good I will gladly sit through all the angst!

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 Post subject: Re: Oblivion (Updated 12/6/10)
PostPosted: Thu Dec 09, 2010 1:47 pm 
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13. Big Knowledge Woman
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Wow, this was a pretty sad read, but at least we're seeing more of what's going on inside Willow's head. She's always had the huge fear of people leaving her, and that was amplified even more after Buffy's death. I'm not saying that what she's doing to Tara is in any way right, but her reasoning this time is to keep her safe, and not to just avoid a fight. At least in her mind, she thinks it's the right thing to do to keep from losing Tara. Man, these kids need a live-in shrink to help with all their problems.

Aside from the forgetting though, I'm very troubled about the spell's apparent after effects. I'm really hoping that the more it's done to her, they don't keep getting worse. Yes, this is very troublesome indeed.

More very soon please.


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