Zampsa1975 - Lady Rowan is going to be better than you think, she show up a lot but she'll drop pearls of wisdom and training our girl up. The pearls of wisdom are what matters most.
Morrigan -
Quote:
With the coven trying to prepare for what's coming, and their distrust of the council, it makes me wonder if in your 'verse the First has corrupted, rather than seeking to destroy, the watchers. Or if it is simply that they know the WC dislikes anything powerful that they have no control over. - good question, won't answer it at this time though - I can't give it all away!.
As for WIllow's struggle in the chapter we deal with it quite a bit and more pf the physical but not to a great extent to see there have been emotional, physical & psychological reason that have impacted her to make better choice which in turn make her a better person.
Laragh - I agree, an that's why I felt I had to deal with it in some way. They whole we had coffee and not I wanna move back in really only made sense in the fact they were killing her off. So her in
my they both get some say into why they are moving past it to be with each other.
JustSkipIt - I wholeheartedly agree, but I think Willow, a mature, fully aware of what she did Willow needed to get that of her chest. They both say almost identical thing as you - Tara is tired or her beating herself about the head neck and Willow says she needs to get over herself. This next chapter really puts that on a move and in the next one.... welll you'll just have to read it
I'm glad you like what I did with her meditation.
love_2003 - I hope you like this.
Chapter Eleven
Pairing: W/T
Rating: R – adult content
Angst/Drama Rating: On a scale of 1-10 this is about a 7.
Setting: The Grove - Tucson
Disclaimer: I in no way, shape or form own the characters from BtVS, they’re owned by Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy. Yakkity, shmakkity - everyone here knows the deal. All original characters are in no way connected to them except by me in this forum. No money is involved this is simply for my own pleasure and hopefully your entertainment.
Email:
riverwillows@me.comFeedback: Stroke my ego - BRING IT ONE, lol
Author's Note: This section may be a little rougher around the edges but if you see glaring faults, PM-me and I'll take care of them. This chapter is also longer than previous one and I was trying an experiment with POV that I don’t think really worked. Also line that ends a follows "**" is a quote attributed to Judy Garland.With bated breath & damaged cuticles here is Chapter Eleven of Dry Heat…Tara sat up in bed, and could hear Willow heaving into the toilet. She quickly pulled on a t-shirt and boxers, then headed for the bathroom. She stood in the doorway for a moment not sure what Willow would want.
“Oh, God – it has to be a God, no Goddess would do this to you,” Willow moaned into the bowl. She spit a few more times before flushing, then closing the lid to rest her forehead against the cool porcelain.
Tara walked up behind Willow, and bent to stroke her hair.
“Don’t touch me!” Willow yelped as she skittered away from Tara, moving so quickly across the tile she hit the wall. When she looked around, she could see the side of the vanity, and pressed herself between the wall and the cabinet.
Willow pulled her knees up to her chest protectively, and folded her arms around them.
Tara could plainly see the abject terror in Willow’s eyes. Whatever she had been dreaming about still hadn’t quite left her yet, as Tara watched her sit and shake. To see Willow this way, this afraid was almost more than Tara could bear. She had never seen Willow in such a state.
Quietly she asked, “How can I help you, Will?”
“You can’t. They just keep coming back,” Willow said in a small voice.
Tara sat down on the toilet, and watch Willow – who was pale faced and faintly green – patiently as she waited for her to continue. After a few minutes, when it didn’t seem like she would volunteer the information, Tara decided to simply ask.
“What keeps coming back? Dreams?”
Willow nodded, and then whispered, “Nightmares. Horrible nightmares.”
Tara grimaced. That much was
obvious; no one wakes up from a
good dream to go retch in the middle of the night.
“Can you tell me about them, sweetie? Maybe I can help,” Tara asked tenderly. Tara watched as Willow sat silent, her eyes dilated and vacant, as she stared at some point off from Tara. “Will? Stay with me, if you can’t talk about them, it’s okay.”
Tara began to worry as the silence became more pronounced, and there was no change in Willow’s demeanor. She grabbed a wash cloth from above the toilet then crossed to the sink, as she watched Willow from the corner of her eye. Running it under the tepid tap until it was soaked, and then moved slowly in front of Willow. Trying not to scare her anymore than she already was, Tara slowly sat down in front of her.
“Willow, honey, I’m going to touch you. Don’t be afraid, it’s just me.” Tara continued to move slowly toward Willow, as Tara placed her hand on Willow’s knee, she jumped and hit her head against the cabinet. Willow hissed at the pain, and it seemed to bring her back to the present from wherever she had been.
“I’m here, it’s just me,” Tara said as she turned Willow’s face towards her, and began to wipe it off. Tara started at her forehead with gentle strokes until she had cleaned Willow’s face. She then moved to Willow’s neck to clear it free of the sweat Willow was covered in.
“Can you lean your head forward a little, sweetheart?” Tara spoke softly, like she would to a scared child.
Willow complied with the request, allowing Tara to run the wash cloth over the back of her neck with one hand, while she felt with the other for what would undoubtedly be a good sized goose egg on the back of Willow’s head to make sure she wasn’t bleeding. Tara easily found the knot and winced when she felt the size of it, but at least there didn’t appear to be a cut.
Willow watching Tara unblinkingly, as she gently cleaned her up. The lack of response to pain worried Tara, and she knew that even being as gentle as she was, it had to cause a small amount of discomfort when she touched the knot, but Willow didn’t even flinch.
“A little bit better now?” Tara asked not really expecting a response, but she couldn’t think of what she should do next. Feeling horribly helpless in the face of something that it was clear Willow had been dealing – or rather not dealing with – for some time, Tara felt tears sting behind her eyes.
With a heavy sigh Tara looked up at the sink, as she started to move away and missed Willow’s hand snake out to grab her arm. Tara eased back into place in front of Willow, and without looking laid the cloth on the counter.
Willow’s face was more drawn than it had been the day she arrived, but with a small amount of relief Tara could see the green tint was gone. The spray of freckled across Willow’s nose looked like they were drops of sepia ink waiting to dry she had gone so pale.
Ever conscious of Willow’s state of panic, Tara continued to move very slowly. Tara turned so she was parallel to Willow, and simply opened her arms. With a speed she didn’t think was possible, Willow was in her arms perching herself in Tara’s lap to burrow her face into Tara’s shoulder.
Tara enfolded Willow in her arms, and began dropping reassuring kisses on her neck and shoulders. Willow started to shake violently. Tara could feel her shirt getting wet, but Willow didn’t make a sound as she cried. Rocking her was the only thing Tara could think to do as she murmured words of assurance. Her own tears fell into Willow’s hair, and Tara tightened her embrace, as she tried to make Willow feel as safe as possible. More than once it occurred to Tara that going through the things Willow had been forced to endure – and to do so repeatedly – would have broken a lesser person by now.
In hushed tones Tara spoke, “Willow, you’re so strong, do you know that? I love you, precious. You are so strong, so beautiful and brave. You amaze me all the time. I love you,” Tara just kept repeating these words over and over to Willow.
Finally Willow whispered, “I love you too.”
Tara let out a small laugh choked with her own tears, as she hugged Willow tighter. Relief rushed through Tara at the sound of Willow’s voice. At least if Willow was talking, they could tackle this – like Willow said together they could do anything, and this was no exception.
Tara pulled back to look into Willow’s face, with two fingers she wiped Willow’s tears away catching the one hanging from her chin. Tilting her face upward, Tara placed a light kiss on Willow’s lips, then guided Willow’s head back to her shoulder, as she continued to rock her gently.
Tara wasn’t sure how much longer they sat like this; she just knew she would sit there for days if that’s what Willow needed.
“There’s two – well now three, but it started as two,” Willow’s voice trembled as she spoke. “The first one I’ve had since,” Willow cleared her throat. “Since I k-killed Warren. The second started while I was in England, and the third started about six weeks ago.”
“Do you want to tell me about them?” Tara asked tenderly.
Tara kept rocking Willow. She held one arm around Willow’s knees so her legs were draped over her own, and the other around Willow’s back. With a quick flash of memory, she remembered being held the same way by her mother after various nightmarish incidents as a child, and how safe she felt. She only hoped it was working as well for Willow.
Willow took a shaky breath, and started. “The first one is the one I had tonight. It’s horrible, Tara because it’s what
could have happened. It’s what would have if I hadn’t been able to stop...him. I would have lost you, and
so much more. I see the bullet hit you; I get sprayed by your blood. I can feel it warm and sticky on my face as I watch you crumple before me, and I hold you while you die. I try to bring you back, but I can’t. The Gods tell me that I cannot violate the laws of natural passing, and that it’s a human death, by human means. How would that be natural?” Willow’s voice had risen to a frantic squeak.
With a pained expression Willow looks at Tara, and Tara sees the tears stream down her face again, as the images of the dream rip away at the sweet girl in her lap.
“You’re my always, Willow, I’ll always wait for you. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere, baby,” Tara said against the knot in her own throat, and couldn’t imagine what having to see Willow’s death over and over would do to her. Knowing this had been going on for almost two years, Tara felt her stomach roll with anger for what that
one careless, selfish act had caused. For the second time tonight, Tara felt like her heart would break for Willow, for what she had gone through, and what she continued to go through. She could only encourage the hope in them both, that now some of this would change.
With a wavering breath, Willow continued, “Then it all goes to hell. I’m
so angry, so filled with pain and rage. I go to the Magic Box and drain all the books – all the dark arts books – I can see them crawl, seeping into my very skin. My eyes and hair go completely black; I lose myself there in the agony and the pain. I hunt Warren and his little minions down like
animals. At some point I start to lose steam, so I go to Rack, but I don’t just drain him, I kill him so I can continue to hunt Warren. We fight and Warren tries a few tricks, a few glamour’s that have no effect – he even manages to put an axe in my back but it still doesn’t stop me – Tara, I skin him alive after I torture him for hours.”
Willow stopped to look at Tara. Tara wasn’t sure what Willow saw in her face, but she started to pull away. Tara knew there must have been something of the shock she was feeling written in her expression.
“No,” Tara said tightening her grip on Willow. “It’s a dream Willow, and a nightmare at that, so it’s your worst fears realized — not the truth, not what actually
is. Do you want to go on?”
With a sad laugh Willow goes on. “There’s only the end of the world left next. After I…do that to Warren, I do horrible things to everyone. I leave them broken, beaten and bloody. I crush everyone I love into nothing, so they can feel a
small measure of the pain I’m feeling, but it doesn’t make mine any less. I leave destruction behind me, and I find a way to end the world – end all the pain everyone is feeling. I raise a temple to end the world, all to assuage my grief over losing you. Tara, I can’t lose you, not again.”
Tara presses kisses to Willow’s temple and cheek. “I’m right here, Will. It’s just a dream – I swear that’s all it is.”
Tara turns Willow’s head to look at her, and gazes deeply into her face, attempting to make her understand with her eyes. Tara tried to make Willow feel the truth of her words. To reinforce them, she took Willow’s hands, and pressed them against her face and over her heart, hoping the direct contact would be reassuring to Willow. Letting the physicality sink in, that she is there and very real.
Willow threw her arms around Tara’s neck, as she began to sob. For all the quiet tears of earlier, now the room echoed with her pain, and Tara cried with her. Tara ran her hands over Willow’s naked back, over the soft skin that heaved, and shuddered under this colossal weight trapped in her mind. She gently combed her fingers through the red hair she loved so much, as she tried to offer some small amount of comfort.
When Willow finally stopped crying, Tara’s shirt was wet front and back; the back down to where she sat from Willow, and the front to just above her ribcage held her own tears.
“Feel better, love?” Tara asked, as she continued to stroke Willow’s back soothingly, and she could feel Willow nod against her shoulder. “Good.”
Without any coaxing Willow offered up the next of her nightmares.
“The second is more disturbing than the scary of the Warren-mare. I’m back in Sunnydale at Buffy’s, but there is only the three of us; me, Dawn, and Buffy. There’s no you, or Xander – or even Anya. Remember at The Bronze when we were floating?” Tara nodded, smiling at the memory of the first birthday she had had that was truly happy since her mother died. “Well, I’m there in the hallway of the house, floating like that, but I have this weird black dress on, the top has this high lace collar, but is very low cut, and is showing major amounts of cleavage that we both know I don’t have.”
Tara poked Willow playfully at that, but didn’t say anything.
“The skirt is in shreds like at one point it had been whole. I can hear this crazy laughter, and I hear someone crying. Here’s where it gets even weirder. There’s like a voice over track, but it’s my voice. I see me floating there in the hallway, and at first it me – my normal face – then the voice says ‘Alone’. My face flashes and my eyes are black, and my hair is streaked with black, then the voice says ‘Insane’.”
Willow pauses to take several deep breaths. “That continues to happen, while I see Buffy moving around in the kitchen, but she’s transparent. She moves around like normal, makes a cup of coffee, but she has no expression. She just goes through the motions, then I hear my voice all voice over-y again with an even better slogan. I say ‘The Magicks whisper to her too, just like me, and it’s driven her mad, my little sister.’ Then I see Dawn – obviously the little sister – she’s in the dining room in a corner rocking and crying while I watch my face flicker back and forth between the ‘Alone and Insane’ and I float. It just loops over and over.”
Tara kisses Willow’s shoulder, where she rests her head, as Willow leans against her. Tara, well aware of prophetic dreams, wonders if this dream might be linked to the alternate outcome, like Willow’s ‘Warren-mare’. Seeing just how much power Willow had gained in the last eighteen months, would not make it unheard of for Willow to begin to see through the veils of differing realities.
Tara also knew that this could very easily lead to the madness Willow sees in her second dream. The Oracle at Delphi, The Oracles of Ammon, and even The Oracles of The Sibyls – all their histories were rife with tales of madness along with many other bizarre and tragic things. What then could this mean for Willow if even a third of those accounts were true? What would Tara be able to do to help, and was there anything she could do?
Willow accepted Tara’s silence, returning the soft kisses as she began to play with Tara’s hair. She gave a low, sad chuckle that she knew Tara felt, so she pulled back, and looked down at the front of Tara’s t-shirt.
Willow asked, “Yours or mine?”
“The back is all yours, sweetie, and I think the front is mostly mine, but some of yours mixed in there too,” Tara said with a shrug.
Willow just nodded, and said, “You’re just wet all over, aren’t you?”
Tara scoffed, “Feeling cheeky are we? I take it you’re feeling a little better then?” Casting a serious eye at Willow as she tried to make sure Willow wasn’t doing her ‘brave little toaster’ routine that she had gotten pretty good at being able to spot.
Willow nodded. “Yeah, I’m extremely lucky. See, I have this beautiful woman,” Willow made a point to pull back and purposely began talking to Tara’s chest. “She has the most amazing blue eyes I have ever seen. I don’t know if she knows just how desperately in love with her I am. The funny thing is she always seems to find me when I think I am at my hardest to love, and then she does!”
Willow then looked into Tara’s eye as she continued to speak.
“She loves me still! She holds me when I breakdown, and me being the girl of high-strung-ed-ness, which can be frequent when I’m stressed – ah, well, even when I‘m not stressed I’m still wound a little tight. With all of those stellar attributes, this amazingly caring, smart, beautiful woman keeps telling me, she loves me. I just have to believe her, because she’s my world. Oh, and sometimes she makes me feel cheeky, and sexy, and more loved than I have ever been in my life to date. I have to say to date because something will happen to reset the scale, and she’ll surprise me yet again. So I guess that makes me one
very lucky girl.”
"Darn tootin'," Tara smiled doing her best Willow impersonation. As she listened to Willow words she knew Willow meant every one she was saying; it didn’t stop the blush she could feel creeping up her neck. This wasn’t a blush of insecurity at all – it was one of pleasure – that Tara had inspired that sentiment in another person, and it was given freely, and repeated often. Little Tara, that had always felt less than good enough, less than worthy of love, less than special – simply less. Willow’s words made her heart swell with happiness. Just a simple reminder that she was loved by Willow and by the family Willow had made for herself that took her in as one of their own.
“I think that’s one of my favorite stories, and I want you to tell it to me often, okay?” Tara said.
“You just say the word, baby. It will grow, and change as we grow and change. It will get longer, and we’ll be old, and I won’t remember the exact beginning, but you can help me, and it will take all day for me to tell it. I can think of nothing I would rather do, than tell you how much I love you for the rest of our lives – wait is today a Tuesday?”
Tara shook her head knowing the thought process behind it. “It’s not May anymore either. Since we are going to Sunnydale, it’s good to know you remember that – I think.”
She kissed Willow’s shoulder again, and felt her shiver. “Are you cold sweetie? Let’s go back to bed.”
Tara looked down at her own damp chest at the t-shirt she had on, and the chill was apparent.
Willow nodded, and she was looking down between the chests seeing two pairs of hard nipples in the cool of the bathroom and damp of Tara’s shirt. “I want to shower though, wash the fear and the sweat off.”
Tara placed her face back into Willow’s shoulder to inhale deeply. “Nope, I only smell sweaty Willow. I like it better when I am the cause of said girl’s sweatiness, but I don’t smell fear,” Tara even licked her shoulder, with a shrug she said, “Willowsweat.”
Willow smiled adoringly at Tara. “Be that as it may, my beloved, I can smell the fear from the dream on me. I would much rather crawl into bed next to you without that particular scent, because you smell so much better. To be honest, Tara, I can’t think of anything that smells better than you do.”
Tara kissed Willow’s forehead, urging her to stand. Willow extended her hand, but she didn’t take it.
“Give me second, my left foot is numb.” Tara grimaced at the sensation of blood flowing again.
“Tara, why didn’t you say something, I could have moved. Do you want me to rub it?” Willow said as she sat back down next to her feet and began to rub.
“I didn’t feel it until you got up. Besides, my lap was the right place for you to be, sweetie. Wouldn’t you agree?”
Willow nodded, as she flexed Tara’s foot that was growing pink with circulation. “Better?” Willow asked.
“Much, thank you.”
Willow let go of her foot to stand, and then offered her hand to Tara again. She gladly took it, not sure if she would be wobbly or not. Tara figured after being sick Willow’s mouth not might taste great, so she grabbed their toothbrushes, and handed Willow hers. When Tara was almost done she turned the shower on as Willow rinsed her mouth out then followed suit.
“You first, oh sweaty one,” Tara said with a smile, as she nudged Willow in.
Closing the door behind her, Tara watched as Willow stood under the hot spray. Picking up the bar of soap she worked up a lather of bubbles in her hands. Tara started with Willow’s back, massaging the muscles of her shoulders, neck and arms that had tightened by the dream and vomiting. Prompting Willow to turn has Tara lathered her hands again. Rubbing gently at Willow’s throat and collar bone, she realized that she was humming. Her hands glided over the soft skin turning pink under the hot water, as she moved over Willow’s chest, down to her stomach.
“What are you humming?” Willow asked in a whisper.
“Hmm? I didn’t know I was sweetie,” Tara looked up a feigning surprise, having noticed it herself a few moments before Willow had. “Was I humming long?”
Willow nodded. “Since you started on my shoulders.”
“Oh…huh. Your hair?” Tara skated on passed the subject, but she saw Willow open her mouth and then close it again, as Tara looked through her lashes while she reached for the shampoo. She held it up for confirmation from Willow.
“Okay, wet your hair again.” Tara concentrated on the task at hand hoping she was successfully making the humming of the song she had sung to Willow, what seemed like a lifetime ago, a non-issue. Willow wiped water from her face as Tara poured shampoo into her hand. “I’ll be careful of your knot; I didn’t feel a cut but it might be scraped, so tell me if it stings. You may even want to take some aspirin before we go back to bed.”
Willow turns her back to Tara as she says, “You’re probably right, this one generally gives me a headache anyway. Do you want to know the last one?”
“If you want to tell me, sweetie.” Tara replied a little anxiously after hearing her two others.
“This one is short and to the point. I’m back in Sunnydale, we’re all there, but there are more people. There are all these young girls all over the place, but they have something to do with Buffy. There are also some people that are there with us – we have a coven there Tara – you and I. We’re preparing for something, it’s big because the hell mouth – it has teeth. The ground rumbles with small tremors. We’re all scared, and we know some of us will die, but it’s just another apocalypse in Sunnydale. Nothing we haven’t done before – it’s what we do.”
Tara had been gently massaging Willow’s scalp, and despite the warmth of the water she felt a chill pass over her. Without a doubt she knew that this dream was going to happen. That this was part of why she was here and now why getting trained in combat magic was of the utmost importance.
“Rinse,” Tara said trying to keep her voice for sounding as scared as she felt.
As Willow finished her hair she looked through the water at Tara and smiled. “Your turn, baby, you’ve got to love the water tanks here. We have hot water for days.”
Tara smiled as they switched positions; she leaned back into the water as she closed her eyes, letting the water wash over her. Her mind raced, and she knew if she looked Willow in the eye at that moment, she would be able to see trepidation Tara now felt. Soon she felt warm soapy hands on her skin, and knew as usual she would have very clean breasts.
She started to laugh as her breast where being lovingly soaped again and again. The Willowhands got the hint to move on making soapy paths to her stomach and then up to her shoulders.
Willow pressed against her to soap her back, and asked, “Why are you laughing at me?”
Tara opened her eyes replying saucily, “I’m not laughing at you, sweetheart, I’m laughing near you.” This garnered her a playful swat on the bottom with soapy hands.
“Hey! Now that was completely unnecessary; we both know that you keep my breasts the cleanest in town, simply because you can’t keep your hands off of them,” She said in mock offense.
With a wide grin, Willow said, “Okay, you got me; I can’t deny any of what you just said. So I guess you found me out. I never knew I was such a breast girl, but I honestly think it’s just yours that have me fascinated. Turn, so I can do your hair, missy.”
Tara did as she was asked, thankful to not have to face Willow, because it gave her more time to turn the last dream over in her mind, and try to reconcile her conflicted emotions. Willow’s words played again in her head.
‘We’re all scared and we know some of us will die but it’s just another apocalypse in Sunnydale. Nothing we haven’t done before – it’s what we do.’ Tara was so deep in thought she didn’t realize when Willow’s fingers stopped in her hair, and she had been spoken to.
“Baby? Tara, are you okay?” Tara could hear concern in Willow’s voice.
Putting on a brave face she turned back around, and smiled. “I’m fine, sweetie. I just got lost in thought for a moment,” she said as convincingly as she could.
Willow pulled her into a hug, and whispered into her ear, “I’ll always find you, baby. Always, lean back I’ll hold you while you rinse your beautiful hair.”
Trying to lighten the mood as much for herself as for Willow, Tara nipped her ear and said, “I see how it is now; is it a tough choice between my tits and my hair or is my ass in there too?”
Willow pulled back blushing in surprise. “Tara! You have to have been spending way too much time with Anya. She’s corrupted you!”
“No, I think a certain redhead had more to do with that delicious endeavor than she did. Anya just encourages the vocabulary that goes with the corruption.”
Tara enjoyed the feeling of mischief rising, and pushed her more troubling thoughts aside, enjoying the complete lack of speech it was causing in her girlfriend. Now, she had two weapons to thwart a Willowbabble; kisses and spicy talk. Rinsing her hair out she began to feel fatigue start to weigh down her limbs, and was looking forward to getting back into bed.
Tara turned to shut off the shower and felt cool air against her warm skin raise goose bumps. Willow handed her a towel, and she flipped her hair over while bending at the waist to dry it as quickly as possible. When she righted herself, Willow was watching her wrap her head in a towel.
Willow looked worried. “Tara?”
“Hmm?” Tara continued to dry herself off waiting for Willow to go on.
“Is that what you think you are to me? That I, ah, love you only for your, um,
attributes?”
It hadn’t occurred to her that Willow might take her seriously when she had been saucy with her. She couldn’t stop the smile that came to her lips though. “No, I don’t Willow. I’m sure it helps some, that’s the law of attraction. Just because I know you enjoy my
attributes as you so delicately put it. That would be like saying I only love you for your perfect ass, and sweet …” Tara let her eyes drift heatedly down Willow’s naked body making her blush before darting her eyes up to Willow's mouth. “Mouth or green eyes, these are part of you, yes, of course they are. They don’t cover the volumes I can say about your
soul, your
strength, your
devotion to the family you made, your
courage.”
Tara shook her head, and wrapped her towel around herself as Willow did the same.
“We really are more than the sum of our parts, Willow. I’m sorry you misunderstood me, I was teasing you. Nothing more, nothing less, love. Lighten up, my tightly wound girl,” Tara pulled Willow into a hug, and rubbed her back through the towel. “Besides, I like it when you love my
attributes,” She said as she kissed Willow’s shoulder.
“You
are bad, when did this happen? Anya and I are gonna have words, let me tell you,” Willow said sounding indignant.
This made Tara laugh all over again, and she squeezed Willow tighter. With another quick kiss to Willow’s shoulder she asked, “Bed?”
“Yes, bed. It definitely calls.”
Willow followed Tara out and they climbed back into bed dropping their towels as they went. Tara lay on her back so Willow could curl into her. One minute drifted into ten, then twenty. Tara could feel Willow’s breathing even out, but she could also tell she wasn’t asleep.
“Will?” Tara asked in a hushed tone.
“Hmmm,” Willow murmured.
Tara paused, unsure if she should ask, but her curiosity just wouldn’t let her rest. “You don’t have to tell me, but what did you do after a nightmare before, when you were alone?”
Willow didn’t move or say anything for a long time, then with a heavy sigh she replied, “It’s easier to show you, and then try to explain. Let’s go to my room.”
Willow rose with slow determination, and walked directly into her room without waiting for Tara. Tara watched her stiff movements with a sinking feeling, regretting her question a little, but she followed Willow nonetheless.
Willow stood next to her bed, as Tara moved next to her. Without looking at Tara, she pulled the sheets back, and placed two of several pillows end to end, then walked to the other side putting another on in the same position, and lifted what would be her pillow pulling out a pillow that had a shirt on it from underneath it.
Tara immediately recognized the shirt. It was a velvety, silvery-periwinkle long-sleeved affair Willow had always loved, but it had disappeared around the time Willow left. Willow held it to her chest, and lifted one of the sleeves to wave it at her.
“Hi,” Willow still wouldn’t look at Tara, and taking a deep breath she began to explain.
“The funny thing about pillows is that they hold body heat. So once I cleaned myself up, and crawled back into bed, they would get warm. I could hold my ‘Tarapillow’, and pretend it was you holding me. I could still smell you on the shirt for a while, so it was like you were there with me, and I could fall back to sleep.”
Tara blanched, as she raised a hand to cover her mouth, and had to sit heavily on the bed. The sadness that swept through her body made her feel like she was going to have a panic attack. Her breath came in short, sharp bursts, and her ears began to ring, Tara felt like she couldn’t breathe deeply enough as she bent sharply at the waist.
“Willow, sweetie, come here,” Tara choked out hoarsely after a few minutes.
Willow sat next to her still holding her ‘Tarapillow’ tightly to her chest. Tara looked at Willow with a new respect for the bravery that seemed to be never-ending in the woman she loved. She tugged the pillow from Willow so she could gather her into her arms.
“You did that for the last eighteen months whenever you had a nightmare?” Tara felt Willow nod against her.
“You are the strongest person I know, Willow. Buffy may have physical strength, but she has nothing on your spirit. Honestly, I don’t know that I could have done what you have, and that says a lot. Darling, I knew things were hard, even beyond hard, but I had no idea,” Tara choked off shaking her head.
Gaining control of her voice again she went on. “Not only do I love you Willow, but I have more respect for you than you can imagine. It breaks my heart to think you have been doing this alone all this time. I know you are stubborn, we both are in our own ways, but you don’t have to do this alone anymore. I’m here, and I refuse to leave you. My brave girl, please look at me.”
Willow pulled back from Tara slowly to look at her.
“Do you know just how strong you are? I knew how amazing you were after everything with Glory.” Tara paused, blinking rapidly and swallowed hard. “I know you took care of me – in every way. You bathed me, dressed me, you even had to feed me. I was no more than child—a small one at that, but that didn’t stop you. You brought me back, you saved me. When I woke up in your arms to hear you say you would always find me—I had no doubt that you were my rock. Now, let me be yours, baby. Let me help you, and be there for you. Willow, I’m in this for the long haul. You can’t get rid of me that easily. I just won’t go.”
Tears spilled over onto Willow’s cheeks again as she nodded. “Tara, one of the things I’ve learned is how to ask for help. I couldn’t – I wouldn’t do that before, and it cost me so much. You can’t get rid of me either, baby. This,
us, we’re forever. You’ll never lose me again, I promise.”
Tara smiled, kissing Willow hard, as she let her hands stroke the bare skin of Willow’s back. Breaking the kiss to pull Willow close again, Tara whispered in her ear. “For it was not into my ear you whispered, but into my heart. It was not my lips you kissed, but my soul.”**
Willow pushed herself hard against Tara, maneuvering herself back into her lap, sniffling and hiccuping. “Let’s go to bed, sweetie. It’s been a very long, long day.”
Tara just stood with Willow in her arms not surprised at how light she was, and simply carried her to bed knowing she must be exhausted. Between the lovemaking, conversations, magic, nightmares, and now letting her walls down to let Tara in closer to her than ever, the emotional drain had to be significant.
Tara sat on the bed, and turned with Willow in her arms stretching out so she would have to follow suit. Once they were settled except for the occasional hiccup it was quiet. There was no real movement; they just held each other with the quiet knowledge that in the last twenty-four hours they had come to a deeper understanding of one another as people.
That their relationship was richer than it had been, somehow finer in a way neither could explain. It was different, but the same; just as they were different, but the same.
It was better, and they were better for it.
The light in the room had shifted to the grey of pre-dawn, and though tired beyond belief Tara could not sleep. She could tell that Willow was still awake too.
“You should rest, love,” Tara said to the top of Willow’s head.
“No more than you should. Tara, I hadn’t planned to just dump all of this out on you at one time like this. It’s a lot to take in, I know,” Willow countered.
“Would you have told me anyway?” Tara asked gently.
Without hesitation Willow replied, “Yes, absolutely. I had planned to tell you all of it. Just not in one sitting. I thought I could break it up a little, so you wouldn’t run screaming for the hills – err, the hellmouth, where ever you felt safer at.”
Tara chuckled. “No running, just loving the doofus that is you – you really thought I would run from you?”
Willow nodded against her. “Why not? This adds an all new layer of crazy Willow-y goodness mess to the already chocked full o' crazy mix. A person can only take so much.”
Tara hugged Willow tighter. “
And again I say this to the girl that was willing to take on her girlfriends’ – that she hadn't told everyone about yet – abusive family, that had been lying to her all her life and telling her that she was a demon – you wanted to lay my dad out! – That was awesome by the way – so bring it on, this will be a light day. The girl that was a demon and the girl that's a crazy witch, weren't going for the whole crazy witch thing anyway?”
Willow pulled back to look to Tara with a big smile. “Yay me.”
Tara chuckled again. “Yay us.”
Willow wiggled. “Yay us.”
They fell silent again as Tara hoped Willow would begin to doze thinking that once she did maybe she would too.
“Tara?” Willow said meekly.
“Hmmm?”
Willow cleared her throat. “I know it’s been a long day, but could we…maybe…”
Willow pulled back to look into Tara’s face, and without words she understood what Willow wanted. What Willow needed –
she needed to be touched –
loved.
Tara kissed Willow slowly, once again letting her hands wander over the soft skin of her back and bottom. Tara pulled back to look into Willow’s eyes and she saw sadness, desire, but also a need for the reassurance that only Tara could give her. Tara kissed her forehead, her eyes, and the soft skin just under her cheekbones next to her ears.
For all the hurried fervor of their lovemaking earlier in the week, Tara moved with slow, deliberate strokes over Willow’s skin. Tara knew just where to touch her, to kiss her, to make her body sing. Willow’s hand matched her touch for touch, kiss for kiss. Their tongues danced together, as their fingers etched burning patterns over increasingly sensitive skin. The only sounds in the quiet of their room, was their breathing, and hushed moans.
“Tara, please now.” Willow’s plea forcing Tara’s hand down her sweat slicked stomach. Moaning again as Tara’s fingers slid into her. Tara watched as Willow shivered, and sucked in her breath. Willow wasted no time in reaching for her. Willow opened her eyes and smiled, she kissed Tara hard. Their breathing was growing ragged, as their fingers moved in time with one another and growing urgency.
“Together, Tara, I’m so close.” Willow groaned.
“Almost, oh yes, there, right there,” Tara’s voice caught. “Now, please, oh please, Willow.”
Their voices mingle in unison, as they cried out their climax together. Sensation rolling over them and gradually their breathing started to return to normal.
“Damn, baby,” Willow said in a pleased voice.
“Mmmhmm,” Tara said as she nuzzled Willow neck.
Willow whispered, “Thank you.”
Tara understood the double meaning but said anyway, “You don’t have to thank me for making love to you, trust me, it was my pleasure.”
Willow chuckled, “You know that’s not what I meant, and I am so having words with Anya some of which might even be thank you.”
Tara laughed loudly, “What for?”
Willow kissed her neck. “Well, for one I am the recipient of your ever increasing dirty mouth, and two you seem more comfortable with the topic of sex altogether. Not that you where uncomfortable with our lovemaking before, but you were shy about it. Well, we both were, and now you tell me things, you talk to me. Baby, it turns me on when you talk to me,” Willow shivered. “You said Anya has encouraged that, so then I think a ‘thank you’ is in order, because I have to say I like it. I’m still getting used to it, but it’s a good thing and we should do more of it.”
“Damn, there goes my plan,” Tara said lightly.
“What plan?” Willow’s curiosity plain in her voice.
“It was going to be weapon two in diffusing a Willowbabble onslaught,” Tara said knowing the right combination still would be.
“What’s weapon one?” Willow asked curiously.
Tara kissed her passionately.
“Feel free to use either weapon anytime you like, baby, anytime at all,” Willow giggled.
With several more kisses, Willow’s finally settled into place, and her breathing began to slow. It was obvious she was finally drifting off to sleep. Tara made the mental note to speak with Rowan alone, and she was going to do it as soon as she woke up. She needed more answers, and she was determined to get them.
Tara looked down at Willow’s sleeping face, and marveled at the girlish sweetness that belied the truth of the amazing woman in her arms. Plan in place, Tara too drifted off to sleep feeling loved and oddly happy.
TBC….