Another amazing chapter!
I'm glad Willow is trying to calm down. It's sad that Tara feels so guilty over Willow's reactions, though it's understandable. I hope therapy does help them :(
This fic is unbelievably sad, almost to hard to read in parts. But I think that's what makes it so amazing. Even in the darkest parts, there's that hint of love, of humour, friendship, of new beginings. It really is astounding.
Sorry if I rambled on, it's quite late here and I'm rather tired :').
Can't wait for the next update, whether it be tomorrow or next week!

_________________
Serving Second Lieutenant of the Kitten Army.
Semper WillTara!
I Serve With Honor For Kitopia!

Cy,

I have to admit...this fic is really tough to read. But, that's what makes it so GREAT! You are really doing a fantastic job driving home just how difficult it is to deal with abuse. How difficult it is for the person that was abused and for those that love and want to help them.

I get why Willow reacts the way she does, hopefully she will calm down a bit and Tara will in turn, give Willow a reason to trust that she won't try to injure herself again.

Nice to see Tara and Faith bonding. I have a feeling that Faith understands what Tara is going through more than anyone knows.

Again...great job!

_________________
Shelby - Racing The Rain (IN PROGRESS) / Baby Makes Three (IN PROGRESS) / The Santa Line / Everything She Does...Is Beautiful / Calfornia Grass

"Transform your pain. Release your past. And ... uh ... get over it."
~Willow, Where The Wild Things Are

Hi everyone! Here's an update!

Sorry for the the length of time in between recent posts, but, if it's any consolation, this chapter is longer than most

Thanks to everyone who continues to visit and read this story! And thanks for the lovely comments that you leave.. they make my day bright

A/N: This chapter is a little lighter on the angst level than the previous chapters. There's also a NC17 warning!


Hope you guys enjoy! (and don't forget to tell me your thoughts--good or bad--on the update! )


LonelyTara:
Hey! Things are going well with me, just trying to work through a semi writer’s block with the next coming sections, so the writing is going a little slow with me.. Thanks for checking up, though! Glad you’re waiting patiently.. but here’s an update, so the wait is over!



I think it is in Willow’s nature to enter into ‘research-mode’ when something comes up that she’s not entirely familiar with. And she wants to do everything in her power to help Tara, so hence the research. Tara will still “wax and wane” (to borrow your lovely words) with her negative coping mechanisms, but she’s trying.



Wow, look at those words… I’m trying to show both sides of the abuse here—the abused and their loved ones. Thanks for the kind words

Ariel:



. –Thanks, Ariel… that means a lot coming from someone who can paint a beautiful canvas with words!

. – this is how I see the characters existing—fighting with their emotions on the inside and their actions on the outside.

. –there’ll be more of this to come.. just not in this update!

Thanks
r. –the feeling’s mutual! Thanks for your help along the way

I was on here for a long time before I figured it out

Bouncer73:
Welcome! It’s great to hear from a new reader.. thanks for taking the time to leave comments!

—I hope this can live up to expectations!

Wimpy0729:

.—Yup. Less of this in the next chapter, though.

. –Tara has lived her entire life in a self-stigmatized, self-imposed prison of darkness. It’s going to take time to overcome these thoughts, even with the love of Willow as a beacon for her.

. –Willow will learn as she goes along. Some things will work, some will not… but she’ll continue on alongside Tara.

. –coping mechanism. She’ll learn to deal with her emotions in a more healthy way eventually.


--Sorry for the wait… but here it is!

Thanks so much for your comments, Wimpy. It certainly helps the writing process when others share their insights and ideas!

Zampsa1975:


Thanks for the comments, Zampsa! Hope some of your worries/concerns are addressed in this update (actually, I don’t think they are, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!) Your answers will come in the next few posts

SMGOVAN:


Thanks again for reading and commenting! Faith’s past will be examined in the upcoming posts (but not in this chapter) . Thanks so much for your feedback and your inquiries! I won’t answer them directly, though, because I want to drag you along for more!

KioNewgo:

--this happens, unfortunately. Someone who is so wrapped up in internal turmoil and who eventually reaches out for help will always feel the guilt of the pressure put on someone else—does that make any sense at all?!?

. – I know… it’s also hard to write at times, too. But thanks for chugging along!

.—I’m trying to illustrate these things, thanks for picking up on them! It’s a tough road to travel (sorry for the cliché!) but they’ll get through it

. – no rambling! Your comments were awesome, thanks!

!—here it is.. kinda somewhere in between those two!

Finey_McFine

Welcome! Thanks so much for reading and commenting!



It is hard to read, I agree. But that was my purpose, and thanks for addressing that. Abuse is not easy, it’s not something that can be fixed in a short time period, it takes time and hard work and some very tough resilience to work through. This is what I hope to show with this story.


. –hopefully this will be built upon through the next few chapters

. –perceptive! Faith’s tale will be revealed in due time

!—Thanks so much!

Well, here's the update... I hope you all enjoy!

******


Chapter 27: Consumed

******

Before Tara could get rid of the evidence her self-medicating brought about, Willow came rushing into the kitchen area waving around a bunch of papers.

“Hey, baby,” she said warmly as she leaned into Tara and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Her nose twitched at the foreign smell coming from her girlfriend but she pushed the thought away. “I’ve put together a comparative list for you to look over and color coded it so that you can pull the information from it easily,” Willow explained excitedly.

“Maybe we can look at this in your room?” Tara suggested as she packed away her coffee mug and tucked her notebook under her arm. “You go on back and I’ll put on a fresh pot of coffee here in case someone comes looking for it. I drank the last of the other pot.”

Tara turned from Willow as she went about measuring pre-ground coffee beans and the proper amount of water for a fresh pot of coffee. Willow was slightly hurt at what she saw as a brush off from the other woman, but decided to go back to her room and bring it up at another time if it became an issue.

Tara hastily finished making the coffee, her motions robotic and steady, and then went to the fridge looking for a snack to hide the smell of the alcohol on her breath before turning from the kitchen and walking slowly towards Willow’s room.

Knocking quietly on the door, Tara waited for Willow to allow her entrance. They were both sharing the quarters, but Tara saw it as Willow’s room and therefore she required admittance before entry.

“Hey! Why’d you knock?” Willow asked as she swept open the door and led Tara inside. She could still get a scent of something familiar but she couldn’t put her finger on what it was.

“I have the lists here,” Willow pointed towards the bed where the papers were scattered on the surface and spread out in a fan-like shape. “I-I don’t really know much about therapy and counselling, so I got a sample of all of the different types that have practices within the area. So you could look through them and see if-if there’s anything there that appeals to you, and then we can make a plan and set up an appointment. How does that sound?” Willow asked nervously.

“Sounds good,” Tara replied remotely as she scanned the sheets. Her eyes were immediately drawn to the online counselling option.

“Hey, this online one looks interesting. It would certainly cut down on a lot of travel time and give me some time to be able to think about my responses to questions.”

“Yeah, I thought that one could be a possibility, too. I even did some background into the company to make sure everything was legitimate,” Willow continued as she pulled even more pages out of a file folder that sat on the desk. Moving closer to Tara, she offered the compiled information to her.

“Tare? Why do I get this funny smell when I get close to you?” Willow asked quickly and then realized how her question sounded. “Not-not that you stink! No, that’s not what I was trying to say. It’s just that I can’t place the smell, but I know it’s familiar. Not familiar from you, but from… hmm, maybe college or something. I was just wondering because I get so curious about these things and hey! How come you’re not stopping my babble with a kiss? You’re supposed to stop me when I get like this because we’re not sure if the lack of oxygen from the continuous talking causes brain damage and you definitely wouldn’t want to be with a girl who drooled all the time and I’ll just be shutting up now.”

Tara hadn’t moved closer to Willow through her speech. She didn’t know what to tell her and was afraid of the reaction she would get if she’d admitted she was drinking at ten thirty in the morning. She felt guilty for remaining aloof in the face of Willow’s endearing babble-fest, but she had entered into self-protect mode since she had clearly failed to cover the scent of the vodka.

“Um, I’m just g-going to g-g-get a shower, then,” Tara said as she grabbed her robe and ran from the room.

Willow stood there in shock, wondering what in the hell could have caused such a reaction in Tara. Deciding that she wanted, no deserved, an answer, Willow tidied the stack of papers and set off towards the bathrooms and Tara.

*******

“Baby? Let me in baby,” Willow knocked lightly on the bathroom door. Images of her last foray in the room before Tara had arrived swam through her vision and heated her from the inside. Trying to shake away her fantasies of a naked and wet Tara, Willow tried again to get her to open the door.

“Please, just let me in. I’m sorry.” Trying for a different tactic, Willow added, “I’ll sit out here and sing power ballads at the top of my lungs if you don’t open this door,” she warned clearing her throat and humming a little to show she was serious.

“It’s not going to be pretty,” Willow continued before starting in on ‘All by Myself.’

I never needed anyone
And making love was just for fun,
Those days are gone.
Living alone,
I think of all the friends I’ve known
When I dial the telephone
Nobody’s home
All by myself--->

Willow’s serenade was cut off abruptly as she was dragged inside the bathroom with a firm hand clamped over her mouth.

“Oh, god, that song is horrible, Willow!” Tara said around a fit of giggles. “Please, please, please, never sing that song to me again.”

“Got me inside, didn’t it?” Willow asked with a smirk. She leaned into Tara’s body, wrapping her arms around her neck, and dipped her head to capture her lips. Willow’s eyes were closed, so she was thrown off balance when her intended destination suddenly backed away.

Tara had pulled away from her.

“Tara? Baby, what’s wrong? Did I do something wrong again? Was it the smell comments? I knew you were mad. I’m sorry baby, I didn’t mean it in a bad way, I just get curious, that’s all. Forgive me?”

The look on Willow’s face was one of utter regret and apology. And Tara had put it there, yet again. In order to get through this together, Tara needed to be honest with Willow so she dropped all of her barriers, stepped up to where Willow had retreated, and swooped into her with her lips open and ready. She pushed all of herself into that kiss, and thoughts about drinking and the smell of vodka be damned.

Willow froze at the unexpected onslaught but found herself melting passionately into the embrace, the touch of Tara’s soft lips and aggressive tongue leaving her mind empty of anything but one thought: more.

Willow had to pull breath in from her nose because her mouth was thoroughly engaged in something entirely more important to her. Tara’s tongue swept inside her mouth to duel with her own, and Willow was able to suck it back in when she tried to leave. The only sound in the quiet bathroom was that of a wet, sensual kiss, interspersed with quiet moans and groans. And still, they kissed.

Desperation fuelled Tara and Willow. For Tara, she wanted Willow to understand and accept her even though she could not accept herself. For Willow, she wanted Tara to understand her unconditional devotion, that through everything, she would stand strong by her side. Both were done with words and explanations. They decided to proceed with physical actions instead.

“Ummm, Tara baby. I want you so much,” Willow groaned as she backed her up against the bathroom door. “You…we, uhmm, yes!” Willow lost her train of thought as Tara latched firmly onto her neck and her hands began to wander under Willow’s shirt, scraping her nails along her lower back. Willow couldn’t help but arch into the sensations as she felt a pool of liquid forming below her waist.

The time for decisions had to be now. They had to stop or they had to continue. “T-Tara, ummmm, ba-baby, are you sure? Because if you are, we need to go back to the bedroom right now. And if you you’re not… mmmm, you have to stop.” Willow’s breath came fast and hard as she tried to reign in her desire. She would back off if it was what Tara wanted.

“No stopping. I’m sick to death of stopping, sweetie.” Tara peeled herself away from where she had Willow plastered to the bathroom door. She scooped up her robe and discarded items and pushed out through the door.

Willow had yet to move as her brain defied her for the first time in her life. It took Tara returning to the room and grabbing Willow none too gently by the wrist as she dragged her towards their room before she realized what was happening.

Tara slammed the door loudly behind her and locked the deadbolt. She pulled the drapes closed that were open against the sliding door of the patio, locking the sliding mechanism in the process. To ensure their privacy and that no one would interrupt them this time, Tara pushed the desk over to the front of the door as an extra precaution. She wanted Willow and she wanted her now.

Tara stalked towards Willow as though stalking her prey. Willow gulped audibly when she saw that the color of Tara’s eyes had deepened perceptively and that she had a feral look in her eyes. Willow backed up until the bed hit the back of her knees and she fell backwards onto the soft surface. She was now open to Tara’s attack and was waiting in suspense for her to make her move.

“I don’t want to stop this time, got it?” Tara questioned, her voice husky with arousal. She made her way towards the waiting Willow, stripping out of her shirt along the way.

As she brought her hands down to unbutton her pants, Willow snapped to action. “Let me,” she growled as her hands made quick work of Tara’s outer layer of clothing. She stood there at the end of the bed, her chest heaving, her nipples pressing in need against the fabric of her periwinkle blue bra.

“I love you,” Willow whispered in awe at the beauty before her. She reached out to hold Tara at arm’s length and just drank her in.

Willow tugged her own shirt above her head. Since she hadn’t gotten ready for the day yet, she was braless. Of their own accord, Tara’s eyes drifted down Willow’s chest to where her pert breasts were heaving with each breathe she took.

“Come down here,” Willow beckoned as she lay back against the pile of pillows.

Tara leaned over Willow, arms and legs bracketing her petite body. Their parted lips hovered millimeters apart, building the anticipation between the final fall. Once connected, they both knew there was no returning.

The expectancy was too much for Willow and she leaned up on her elbows to capture the plush lips that had been teasing her dreams for so long. Sliding slowly together, steeping in the intimate feel of breaths and lips and tongues, Tara lowered her body so that her torso rested fully on Willow’s naked chest. Her hands ran up and down, brushing the sides of Willow’s breasts, never coming into full contact where she was aching to be touched.

“Baby, this has to go,” Willow panted as she reached behind Tara and unhooked her bra. Dragging the straps down her bent arms, she lifted one hand and then the other to finally rid the barrier. Throwing the discarded garment to her right, Willow bowed forward and immediately captured a hardened nub between her lips. Her arms supported Tara’s body as it bent backwards, offering herself to the warm cavern of Willow’s talented mouth.

“Oh, yesss!” Tara hissed as Willow’s tongue came out to tap at her nipple. Not wanting to show favouritism, Willow switched to the opposite bud and sucked it deeply inside her mouth, starting a ravishing rhythm. She held Tara with one hand as her other came back around to play with the damp nipple that her mouth had just released.

“Ohh, Will, yes just like that, ummm,” Tara groaned tangling her hands into Willow’s red tresses and holding her close to her chest. The tingling feelings that were racing up and down Tara’s body, concentrating in the way that Willow’s mouth was making her body feel, led Tara’s hips to begin a rocking motion, looking for a purchase on which to ease the ache that was coursing through her lower body.

Willow shifted slightly, bringing her knee up to rub back and forth against the dampness of Tara’s panties. The moisture pooling there causing her to moan appreciatively against the nipple still in her mouth. Willow reluctantly drew her mouth away with a soft pop as Tara’s hands dragged her head upwards as she crashed their lips together. It was a wet kiss, each woman pouring all of their love and want into that one action, their lips sliding and tongues tangling. Tara nipped Willow’s lower lip gently with her teeth and dragged it into her mouth to soothe away the sting.

“Oh, baby, I need you,” Willow moaned into Tara’s mouth then shifted her head back as Tara made an assault along her jaw, moving over to take her ear lobe between her lips.

With her mouth attacking, Tara whispered wantonly, “Take my panties off, Will. Take them off now.” Willow hesitated for a heartbeat before bringing her hands down between their sweat-dampened bodies and reaching for the waistband. She lowered Tara’s panties inch by inch, swimming in the decadent sensation of teasing her lover. Tara raised her hips and took over, dragging the offending clothing down her legs and off her body. She then brought her hands down to Willow’s and removed them as well leaving nothing separating the skin on skin sensation. Their hips naturally sought out each other’s heat, loud moans echoing in the room the only sound to be heard.

Tara lowered her head and began a thorough exploration of Willow’s body with her mouth, teeth and tongue. She paid special attention to any smattering of freckles that she came across, finding them to be an incredible turn on. She took a patch of freckled skin into her mouth, sucking deeply and continuously, wondering if the coloring of Willow’s skin would change the freckles too if she marked her.

Aroused beyond anything she had ever felt before, Willow tried to guide Tara’s head towards her breasts so that she could get some relief. Tara was stubborn though, and held her ground. Willow’s own hands began to travel towards her aching chest and just before they could release the tension building there, Tara stopped her.

“Those are mine,” she warned as she kissed down between the valley of Willow’s breast, starting a trail that went all around the softness of the mounds but avoiding the painfully hard nipples that begged for attention. Willow was willing to beg and plead, and voiced her desire in a voice deeper than Tara had ever heard from her love.

“Sweet goddess, Tara, please, I need you to—Aghhh!” she screamed as Tara finally gave her nubs the attention she had begged for. Running her exposed teeth gently over the raised nipples, Tara softly nibbled on the points as Willow’s hips rocked steadily into her own.

She continued to ravish Willow’s breasts, bringing her mouth and tongue into play once the buds became extra sensitive due to her nibbling. Keeping contact with Willow’s breasts, Tara’s hands began to travel down her body, sweeping down the outside of Willow's thighs and bringing them back up along the inside. Willow’s body was begging for relief and her legs natuarally fell open with the pressure.

And still, Tara teased by avoiding the fount of wetness that was trickling down Willow’s legs. She pushed her hips upward in an attempt to capture the wandering hands.

“Please,” Willow pleaded. She was on an edge and wanted nothing more than for her love to push her over into the abyss. “I need—ughhh, right there,” Willow gasped incoherently. Taking control of the situation, she captured Tara’s hands when they swept in again and brought them to her mound, bringing blissful contact to her overheated center.

“Oh yes!” Willow screamed as Tara’s fingers finally delved between her folds. She ran her digits up and down the soaked lips and drew circles around Willow’s clit, which was begging for direct contact.

“Um, you’re so wet, baby,” Tara spoke around a mouthful of Willow’s breast. She began to lower her mouth down her chest, spending some time along her abdomen dipping her tongue into Willow’s bellybutton. Willow’s hips kept up a constant rhythm, trying to find release.

Tara’s fingertips finally brushed over Willow’s nub. The wailing howl that came from her throat was enough to push Tara’s actions. Bringing her fingers back, sweeping in the wetness and spreading it over Willow’s clit, Tara’s ministrations became more urgent, the sound of Willow’s groans and grunts pushing her arousal up to another level. Tara shifted and straddled Willow’s thigh, painting her skin with her own wetness.

Not able to hold back any longer, Tara brought her fingers down to Willow’s entrance, holding them there and building Willow’s anticipation. Once again, Willow snaked her hand down between their bodies, arched her hips and held Tara’s hand still, causing the digits to enter deeply.

“Yess! Just like that,” Willow moaned as she guided Tara’s fingers in and out of her dripping entrance, finally leaving Tara to her own motions when she could no longer hold on anymore. Willow’s hands sought something to grip and finally found purchase and clenched tightly to a pillow that rested haphazardly above her head. Her fingernails dug in as Tara’s fingers began to increase their speed.

Willow’s walls were beginning to clench around Tara’s fingers as she continued to pump inside. She brought her thumb up to brush gently over Willow’s hardened clit.

"Oh, yes, almost there, baby. Just don’t stop. Don’t—mmmm, yes, Tara, harder,” Willow grunted as she felt herself coming closer and closer to her release. It started at the tips of her toes and Willow had never experienced anything close to the sensations raging through her body.

So close, oh Tara, baby, I’m—“ Willow’s back arched up from the bed, her feet dug in for leverage, and she rode the waves of the most glorious feeling she had ever felt. Her muscles clenched around Tara’s fingers as she continued to orgasm.

Finally, Willow felt herself floating back from the chasm. Little whimpers and moans continued to come from her throat as she steeped in the aftermath. Every muscle in her body was relaxed and she felt as though she was made of jelly. Just as her eyes were about to open to drink in the sight of Tara above her, she felt a warm wetness and, on its own accord, her body began to respond again.

“Oh, baby, I don’t know if I can t-take any-anymore,” Willow pleaded as she felt Tara’s tongue delved between her folds.

“Umm, I have to taste you,” Tara mumbled, taking her tongue on a path from the bottom of Willow’s slit, dipping gently into the source of the wetness, and finally flicking the tip of her tongue quickly against Willow’s clit, the speed like that of a hummingbird’s wings. She suckled the swollen nub between her lips and moaned, sending vibrations through Willow’s very being.

“Oh, fuck!” Willow screamed as she felt herself going over the edge again. Lights flashed behind her eyes and she felt as though she was separated body and soul from the normal plane of existence.

Willow’s chest heaved and her breath came in short gasping pants as she felt as though her heart would never return to its normal rate. “Oh. My. God,” she whispered as the sparkling behind her eyelids finally faded away.

Tara had made her way back up Willow’s body, taking the time to nip, suckle and kiss pieces of skin along the way. Their bodies slid together easily, Tara’s vibrating with her arousal. She gently kissed Willow’s neck, travelling toward her lips that were parted slightly and reddened from both their kisses and from Willow’s biting.

“Umm, baby, that was absolutely…amazing,” Willow purred nuzzling into Tara’s lips. They kissed gently and lovingly, steeping in their closeness. This, them wrapped up together in their love, gave both Willow and Tara the conviction that they could make it through. As long as they were together.

Willow’s hands crept down Tara’s sweat-dampened skin, running over the curve of her back. Her hands clenched Tara’s ass and she pressed their bodies together fully.

“I think it’s my turn,” Willow growled into Tara’s ear as she flipped her over.

*******
TBC...

Dibs! Pant, pant, pant!

O, my God! Let's get that cold shower running!

No chance for intelligent commentary here!

Bye, bye and send some more!

Ariel

I'm with Ariel.



And oh, that Willow. That is exactly what I was thinking. Obviously they still have to deal with the issues at hand, but I'm glad to see these two finally reaching out to each other physically, to balance the emotional roller coaster they've been on. The lovemaking was thrilling and passionate. I wonder if Tara has ever been in such control in that situation before, or if she always let her ex take the lead. I hope that she won't reject Willow's attempt to return the love.

_________________
Wave ... The Wish of Three Hearts
The Yuletide Present ... In From the Cold

"We're in love. We're lovers. We're lesbian, gay-type lovers."

DITTO!

_________________
Shelby - Racing The Rain (IN PROGRESS) / Baby Makes Three (IN PROGRESS) / The Santa Line / Everything She Does...Is Beautiful / Calfornia Grass

"Transform your pain. Release your past. And ... uh ... get over it."
~Willow, Where The Wild Things Are

Ummmmm.......I think i'm gonna go run about 20 miles to work off a little bit of this new found tension.... Three words for you... worth..w8ting..for!!!.... oh yeah, drinking bad.

HOLY SHIMOLEY!! That's about the hottest and most well written sex scene I've read in a loong time. Oh my god, the passion just oozed from my screen, and then it started smoking...no wait, that was me. Excellent job!

So okay, after my cold shower, I'm back to just add that I'm still a little worried about the alcohol. Willow specifically asked her what the smell was and Tara wasn't honest with her, but I do understand that she's still going through a process, and this is just how she's used to handling things.

I'm also curious about take-charge Tara (although I loved her - don't get me wrong). I've just known people who have been through her situation, and they seem to be the one who wants to be in control, since they didn't have control when the abuse took place. She, of course, could be okay with it either way, which would be awesome.

Can't wait to see what happens next! Thanks for the amazing sex...uh, scene, yeah.


Wimpy

_________________
Pam aka Wimpy0729
Restlessness ~ Quickies - The Lovers, The Dreamers & Me

"There was plenty of magic." ~~ Tara

I'm with Ariel, LonelyTara and Finey_McFine; Oh.My.GOD.
How freakin' hot was THAT?
Tara still hasn't told Willow about the drink though, but saying that...well, if Willow can remember ANYTHING after that then there's something wrong with her, it took me a few minutes to remember how to leave a comment :').
Another great chapter which hits everyone of of your high standards .
And I won't mind rambling in future, seeing how you don't mind so much
Once again I'm eagerly awaiting my next fix of this fic! :D:D

_________________
Serving Second Lieutenant of the Kitten Army.
Semper WillTara!
I Serve With Honor For Kitopia!

Yay for excellent update-y goodness... Wow, that was one hot and yummy chapter... Can't wait for Willow's turn... I hope Willow-loving will open up Tara to tell Willow about her drinking and other issues... I truly hope that neither of them is going to regret that they made love...

_________________
We few, we happy few. We band of buggered.

Posting While Nude Improves Your Mood.

Well, looks like you hit the mark with this one.

Well done, Cy.

_________________
Heather aka vampyregurl73 aka Riverwillows73

My stories:
"Dry Heat – In Progress (still)" "Penny Arcade - Completed"

My Fic Challenge entries:
"Fireworks" "Promise" "I Did What Last Night?"

Hey kittens, I'm back with some comment before I post another update.

I'm glad that you all enjoyed the last chapter! Thank you so much to everyone who commented and read.. feedback is AWESOME!

Ariel:



Hi Ariel.. Congrats on your Dibs! Glad you liked it! thanks for reading!

LoneyTara:


Thanks for your input here. I agree that things needed to head here, but, if you read below, there were some ramifications….

.
Glad you liked it



This’ll be answered in due time.. but you'll have to be patient

Thanks again for reading and commenting! I hope you like this next part.

Finey_McFine



Glad you liked it! Thanks for commenting!

SMGOVAN



Did the run work!?!



Good to know! Sorry for making you wait again.. BUT, here’s an update!



Yup, it is bad… and here are the consequences

Wimpy0729



Really? … thanks!



LOL.. too funny



This is addressed in this next part… your concerns are valid.



Their relationship will develop further as time goes on. As for right now, you’ll just have to patiently wait



My pleasure Thanks again for reading and leaving such detailed comments. They’re greatly appreciated!

KioNewgo



Glad it hit the spot



The drinking is discussed in this next chapter.

,

LOL.. Glad you remembered, because I LOVE comments



Aww.. Thanks! That means a lot



Nope, I love the rambling.. I’m a champion rambler myself, just ask around !

Wait no more, my friend.. it is on its way!

Zampsa1975



This is covered in this next part



I don’t know if it regret, per se… well, you’ll just have to read and see!

vampyregurl73



Thanks, Heather… and thanks for helping me with Chapter 27! Greatly appreciated, my friend!

The next chapter, Confessions, should be up within the hour.. keep checking back!

Cy.

Warning: Again, this story deals with issues of sexual abuse. If you will be hurt or offended by content dealing with that situation, please don't read.

A/N: I want to give a GREAT BIG THIANKS to vampyregurl73 for helping me out with this chapter Without her, this would have sucked--Thanks so much, Heather!


Chapter 27: Confessions

********

Tara was on edge. Her arousal was pumping through her body and she wanted nothing more, craved nothing more, than to feel Willow inside her, her mouth on her. Encompassing her. Yet, Tara held back. Her intentions were pure, but there was an integral confession she had to give to Willow before things went even further.

“Willow. Baby, stop,” Tara pleaded as she felt Willow’s hands creep towards her center. “I-I need to tell you something first, okay?”

Willow froze and countless scenarios blazed through her mind as she tried to figure out what exactly Tara had to tell her. She doesn’t love me. She is married and has four children. She doesn’t want to be touched because it’s too traumatic.

“What-whatever it is, baby, you can tell me, okay?” Willow insisted as she shifted off of Tara and lay beside her in the bed. Willow snuggled up to her side and draped her arm over Tara’s waist, gently running her hand up and down in a soothing matter.

“I’m a-a-afraid to tell y-you,” Tara admitted. “Y-you’re going to be upset with m-me.”

Stilling the soothing motion of her hand, Willow brought it up to Tara’s chin and brought her face towards her own, forcing eye contact. She may not always have the right answers or a cure to help Tara through the darkness that seeped through her body on a daily basis, but she could keep trying, keep plugging through day after day, as long as Tara was by her side.

“You can tell me,” Willow repeated adamantly, her green eyes holding Tara’s deep blue ones. Tears began to pool within those sapphire depths and Willow gently kissed the swollen lips of her love in an attempt to reassure Tara of her love. “I love you,” she repeated verbally and waited patiently for Tara’s confession.

“This morning,” Tara started as she snuggled up besides Willow body, seeking warmth. “After breakfast, when I left here after you woke up, I went out to the kitchen. I-I was feeling a l-little overwhelmed—like I needed a release somehow—and I knew you would be really disappointed if I starting cutting again.”

Willow’s arms tightened perceptively with Tara’s words. She didn’t want Tara to hurt herself anymore, and she didn’t really want to have to react to the fact that she did go ahead and do it again. Thinking of the past hour and their shared worshipping, Willow couldn’t recall coming across any new wound on Tara’s body.

“But…?” Willow prodded, trying to get Tara to continue.

“But I didn’t cut.” Tara began to fidget in the bed, her feet running up and down on the bed sheets, her anxiety releasing in her movements.

“That’s great, baby,” Willow insisted.

“No, it’s not,” Tara replied, her voice filled with self-loathing. “Instead of cutting, I decided to have a drink instead.” Tara’s confession whooshed out of her body, unable to hold it in any longer.

“One drink in my coffee to calm me turned into a few more.”

Tara waited with abated nerves as Willow processed just what exactly she was telling her. Willow’s mouth opened and closed as countless questions rushed through her mind but she was unable to voice them through her shock. A light bulb went off in Willow’s mind when she finally connected the idea that the smell she detected earlier was alcohol. Tara’s evasive reaction became more obvious now.

“You-You’re drunk?” Willow asked incredulously. “We-we just made love, for the first time, and you’re drunk?” Willow repeated as her voice raised higher and ended in a squeak.

Tara’s heart fell a little lower in her chest as she felt the warmth of Willow’s body leave its place beside her as she rose from the bed and began to pace—oblivious to the fact that she was stark naked.

Silence embraced the room that was just a few moments ago filled with the sounds of their mutual bliss. Now there was silence. And it was deafening.

“Will—“ Tara began only to be cut off as Willow’s hand halted any other words that she could speak.

“Just-just give me a minute, here,” Willow demanded, continuing her pacing. She was trying to figure out the ramifications of Tara’s words and how exactly they affected their relationship. She had been patient and understanding. She had been stoic and strong and open. But now she felt dirty, as if she wasn’t enough for Tara, that things only progressed to the level it had because of the alcohol streaking through Tara’s veins.

Finally, after what seemed like hours to Tara, Willow stopped and sat back on the edge of the bed, her back to Tara.

“I’m not going to say anything yet to this until you answer me a few questions, okay?” Willow started.

Tara nodded her head numbly, then realized that Willow couldn’t see her acknowledgement of the question, so she whispered softly, “Yes.”

Willow took a deep breath and arranged her questions in her mind in order of importance, her logical side never once leaving her. “First, I want to know why you felt you had to drink this morning—what did you need a release from? I-I know that’s kind of two questions in there, but…” Willow trailed off as her head lowered.

Tara knew if she wanted to have any sort of future with Willow that she had to be honest, even though she knew her answers would hurt her.

“I-I…Your reaction,” Tara began as she curled up on her side and drew the blankets over her nude body. “This morning when I brought you breakfast and I waited for you to wake up, I felt so horribly guilty for causing you to panic again. And then I had started writing in my journal, which led me to think about some not so nice things,” Tara said as she glossed over the specifics, “and I just needed something to ease the way through what I was feeling.”

“Okay,” Willow said unemotionally. She wanted to finish asking her questions without giving away the way she was feeling. “Next question. When you drank this morning, were you planning on having sex with me?” Willow questioned brashly.

“Willow,” Tara began, her hurt and regret clouding her voice.

“Just answer the question, Tara.”

She sighed audibly and replied, “No. I had no intentions of making love with you this afternoon. And just to make it clear I’m not drunk. Yes, I had a couple of drinks, yes it was completely inappropriate, but I was not drunk when we made love. I didn’t need a drink to want to make love to you, Willow. ” Tara didn’t feel the need to defend her actions—they were wrong and she clearly knew this—but she wanted to make the distinction between being drunk and being buzzed very clear.

Willow noticed the change in words that Tara used—making love instead of sex, being buzzed instead of drunk. Was it just a matter of semantics? She finally presented her last question, knowing that this one would be the most difficult and praying that Tara would be honest with her.

“Last question. This one is…more invasive,” Willow said as she finally turned to look towards Tara. “It-It’s personal. And you don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to, but I would really like to know.”

“Okay.” Tara’s mumbled response came from beneath the covers.

“Come out here, Tara,” Willow insisted as she pulled the blankets back and revealed Tara’s tear-stained cheeks. Keeping her resolve in focus, Willow worded the question in her mind first before asking:

“Do you enjoy sex, Tara? I-I know you’ve been in a relationship before, and that you were sexually active, but I also know Lana was…overbearing. Were you able to enjoy your sexual experiences with her?”

Tara’s mouth dropped at the question. She had no idea how Willow connected the dots so quickly or how she was so perceptive, but she had managed to hit the nail on the head. “I-I-I…Willow?” Tara questioned desperately. She didn’t want to answer this question. She didn’t want Willow to see just another part of her that was damaged and broken.

“I know, Tara. I know it’s an extremely personal question, but…but I think I need to know the answer if we’re… if we’re going to work,” Willow finished hesitantly. She wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of her life with Tara, but if it meant starting a relationship based on a lie, then she didn’t know if they would make in through intact.

“Truthfully, Willow? I really don’t want to answer that question. I would rather run naked through the compound right now before answering that question.” Tara paused, taking a deep breath—in deeply through her nose and out harshly through her mouth. “But I will answer it. I think you deserve that much,” she admitted.

“I-I… to give the short version,” Tara started as she looked into Willow’s eyes and then looked away, “sometimes.”

“Occasionally I enjoy sex, and occasionally I can’t. I don’t really know why, but there it is,“ Tara replied and crept back under the covers, embarrassment covering her body with a pinkish hue. “Let’s just leave it at that for now, okay?” Tara pleaded, her words coming out distant and muffled.

“I’m going to make one more request and ask one more question,” Willow said as she slid down to lie next to Tara’s covered form on the bed. “When you know you are not going to enjoy the exchange, does it happen during or do you know before hand?” Willow questions indirectly.

“During.”

“Okay, during,” Willow repeated. “Can you do one thing for me, baby? Can you promise me, look me straight in the eye and promise me that if you feel like this, if you feel like you don’t want to be touched or you can’t reach a release, that you’ll tell me. Just tell me, Tara, and don’t pretend, okay? Because if I know what is happening, I can deal with it; if you try to fake it or avoid the situation, then I’m going to be extremely hurt. Can you make me that promise?” Willow pleaded.

“Do you know how utterly humiliating this is for me?” Tara questioned. “Do you know how inadequate it makes me feel to not be able to ‘perform’ for a lack of a better word? It’s like being with a man and suddenly his erection disappears. It’s not going to be the most appealing thing to deal with in terms of ego, Willow,” Tara insisted. “You’re not going to be happy with me or yourself for too long, you understand this, right?”

“Tara. Baby, look at me.” Willow waited for the blonde head to peak out from the covers. Tara extracted herself enough so that her red rimmed blue eyes were showing and nothing else. “I love you. I love you because you are this amazing, intricate woman who captured my heart from the first moment I set eyes on you. Yes, a physical attraction was a part of the package, but this is real love, not lust. Any relationship has complex levels, and everything is not always about sex. I don’t want that sort of partnership. I want us to be able to be open with each other, even if it means a quick sting as a result of the truth. If it means that I can have you at the end of the day, and that we can be together, happily and whole, then I’m okay with it.”

“Yes, physicality is a part of the connection, but so are honesty, love, and companionship. All I’m asking for is for you to be upfront with me when something like this happens,” Willow pleaded as she snuggled in next to Tara. She gently pulled down the covers to reveal the rest of Tara’s face and placed a series of reverent kisses on her cheeks, her eyebrows and finally her lips.

“Has it ever crossed your mind that this could be another symptom… of the abuse?” Willow asked quietly. “That as you get better and work through things, that this aspect of your life might get better too? We’ll work this out too, baby. I just need this promise from you.”

Tear streamed down Tara’s face unheeded. She had never felt such a level of acceptance from anyone in her entire life and she was overwhelmed by the warmth of the emotion spreading through her body. Although she had never thought to relate what she saw as her sexual fragmentation to her childhood of abuse, at Willow’s suggestion, things started to fall into awareness for her.

“I promise,” she whispered against Willow’s lips. “I promise.”

They lay side by side, sharing platonic kisses and gentle caresses as a single ray of sunlight broke through from where the curtains joined in the middle of the patio doors. As the day progressed and their caresses became more intense and needy, Tara whispered huskily, “Honey, you can have your turn now, if you’d like.”

Without any further encouragement, Willow rolled over on top of Tara and searched her eyes. Words were not needed between the two women; Willow saw acceptance and honesty there ensconced within the depthless blue of Tara’s eyes. Trust was needed on both ends for this, so Willow took the plunge and lowered herself more fully against the naked body of her lover.

“Oh, yes,” Willow finally responded to Tara’s statement as she lowered her lips and began a journey down from her mouth, under her jaw and down along the side of Tara’s neck.

“My turn.”

********

TBC... Again, thanks for everyone who continues to read, and thanks to Heather for beta-ing this chapter for me!

Dibs. Wow, another beautiful and yet harrowing roller coaster ride on this journey for Willow and Tara. Punch to the gut:



I felt so terribly sorry for Willow here. How terrible to feel that her first time with her true love was fueled by alcohol. I am glad that Tara was able to clarify for her very quickly that it wasn't the reason they made love--and that she did consider it to be making love, not just sex. It was absolutely necessary for them to have a conversation about physical intimacy, the truth that sometimes it makes Tara uncomfortable, and I adore that your Willow was totally okay with that. I get the suggest that Tara's ex totally wouldn't have cared. The big B.

I look forward to the next chapter as they grow closer.

_________________
Wave ... The Wish of Three Hearts
The Yuletide Present ... In From the Cold

"We're in love. We're lovers. We're lesbian, gay-type lovers."

Cyteach,

This is an adult story, in the best sense of the word: layered, complex; it's full of revelation and movement.

I love who these women are, under your pen. They are vivid, alive, and they compel my compassion and my interest.

The drinking thing was big for me, as an alcoholic's daughter I always want to know where a potential partner/friend is along that road. I'm glad they discussed it honestly.

I also like that they spoke to each other and it took time for conversation to lead to caresses and caresses to lead to sex. I get the firestorm of passion, but like that there is both in your story. Again, an example of the adult element.

Thank you for the power and truth of their journey together and your skill in conceiving it and bringing it to life.

Ariel

Honest depiction of the life long issues that sexual abuse 'Survivors' struggle to overcome. It was literally painful 2 read ..... Bravo.

Oh, wow. Huge amount of stuff happening here. Once again, you are doing such a realistic job with such a difficult subject.

First off, I'm really glad Tara fessed up about the alcohol. I know it was tough for her to do that, but I'm happy that she doesn't want to be dishonest with Willow. And Willow's reaction...well, I'm glad she took time and thought about it and asked her questions. This is so hard for both of them, but I'm glad they're getting it out there, and I'm glad Tara felt secure enough to answer her. That's a big step for her, I'm sure. Once again, you hit the nail on the head with Tara's apparent difficulty with sex sometimes. I'm surprised she never realized before this that her past abuse could be a factor, but maybe that could be a repression thing. Again, loved Willow's reaction to this, and what she said about a relationship being more than just sex was beautiful. They're doing a very good job communicating about all these difficult things, so even though it's a rocky road, every little step they take will hopefully get them to a wonderful, healthy ending.

Oh, and finally, "My turn." Amazing job once again. Can't wait to see what's next.


Wimpy

_________________
Pam aka Wimpy0729
Restlessness ~ Quickies - The Lovers, The Dreamers & Me

"There was plenty of magic." ~~ Tara

Yay for excellent update-y goodness... I'm really glad that Tara told Willow about the "few" drinks she had in the morning and that they where definately not the reason they made love... Big yay for Willow asking those pretty personal questions and making the connection between Tara's sexual abuse and the fact that Tara sometimes feels unconfortable during sex. I'm really really glad that Willow asked Tara to tell her when she feels that way... Willow's My Turn comment at the end really crowned this excellent chapter...

_________________
We few, we happy few. We band of buggered.

Posting While Nude Improves Your Mood.

Cy,

Another incredibly honest and raw chapter. I have to say...I triple love Willow in this story. Her compassion and patience goes well beyond the average person. You have to truly love someone with everything you've got to be able to deal with the depth of Tara's issues.

It's nice to see Tara making strides in being able to make those confessions to Willow, knowing that the outcome wouldn't be very pleasant. It seems like she had a bit of a revelation and I hope that she can keep moving forward.

Looking forward to the next chapter!

_________________
Shelby - Racing The Rain (IN PROGRESS) / Baby Makes Three (IN PROGRESS) / The Santa Line / Everything She Does...Is Beautiful / Calfornia Grass

"Transform your pain. Release your past. And ... uh ... get over it."
~Willow, Where The Wild Things Are

I love Willow in this chapter!
She was so, understanding and loving and just, amazing.
Great chapter, though I think that goes without saying at this point
Sory for short feedback, I'm really tired :')
Can't wait for more!

_________________
Serving Second Lieutenant of the Kitten Army.
Semper WillTara!
I Serve With Honor For Kitopia!

Greetings Kittens! I have another update that is just about ready to post, so I thought I'd go ahead and comment on all of your lovely feedback before getting to the story.

Thanks again to everyone who has read and continues to read... I know I'm like a broken record, but it really makes this process a special one.

LonelyTara:



Writing this chapter was definitely one of the most difficult ones. I didn’t really know how exactly I wanted to bring the drinking into the mix, nor was I sure how either character was going to react. I had some great help in bringing this issue to the fore and in dealing with it in what I think was an honest and realistic way.



It was definitely an awful realization for her…



Tara’s growing here as well.. before, I think, she would have ran away from the situation and not dealt with it.


Honesty is the key with them…and it is very necessary in this relationship


I roared at your description of Tara’s ex.. yes, she’s definitely a self-centered big B.



Well, there may be a chink in things in this next chapter… a little angst arises for an entirely different situation.
Thank you so much for continuing to read and leaving such deep and detailed feedback. I live for this stuff.

Ariel:



Wow, Ariel, thanks.



When I first started writing, I was aiming for realism… I’m glad you like them and my characterization

.

I don’t think it would have been fair to the story or to either of the characters if this issue had been blown over…

I

Yes, physical interactions are a key element to an adult relationship, but it’s not all there is. I think this way was more true to the things going on around the actual story.



Thank you so much for your kind words, your delectable comments, and your continued presence here.

SMGOVAN:



Thank you… I think your word “Survivor” was apt here because there is a definite distinction between being a survivor and a victim… Tara’s somewhere in the in between right now.



I’d apologize for the pain that it invoked, but that was my intention, so I won’t. I’m glad that you continue to read and leave comments...It makes writing this story worth it.

Wimpy:



Thank you.



It was tough, but it had to be done. A burgeoning relationship is a difficult thing to maneuver, without bringing something huge like dealing with a repressed childhood of sexual abuse on top of it.



I had help with this section, fleshing it out and the reactions of both women… Repression, and her overall self-deprecating personality of the past probably had a lot to do with Tara not making this realization her part
.


Happy, healthy ending is definitely in the future.. but there’s much to traverse yet…



Thank you again for such detailed and insightful feedback. You seem to see things in the story that even I don’t, which is awesome.



Zampsa1975:

Thanks for reading and leaving feedback, once again! There was a lot going on in this chapter, and I think, by the end of it, things were worked out so that this obstacle can be overcome on both of their parts. Honesty is the key with them right now, and while it is difficult to be that honest, it needs to be shared.

Finey_McFine



It is true love, and I agree, her patience and compassion is not of the norm. BUT, she can’t picture her life without Tara, even though they have only known each other for a short time.

.

In these situations, it is usually a situation of two steps forward, one step back (or something along those lines… ) She’ll keep moving forward, but there will be cogs that send her back as well… it’s a process.



Thank you so much for your comments and for reading. It is awesome to see how people react to the story and it makes writing so rewarding!

KioNewgo



Willow might not turn out as shining in the next couple of chapters, but I’m glad she got some props in this one!


You can say it as much as you like! I love hearing it, so…


No worries! You could leave one word and it would still make me do a happy-dance at getting feedback!


Ok, so within the hour, there'll be a brand NEW chapter up... look for Chapter 28: Misunderstandings

Cy

Ok, here's the chapter itself...

Disclaimers: same a before (see page 1)

A/N: this is a story that deals with the issues of childhood sexual abuse, so please do not read this if you will be negatively affected in any way.

A/N 2: Thanks again to vampyregurl73 for her lovely beta-ing effort on this chapter. Thanks, Heather! Also, props for the title also goes to her

Hope you guys like it...

*******

Chapter 28: Misunderstandings

*******

The sound of footsteps pounding past their bedroom door woke Tara from the deepest, most satisfying sleep she had had in months. Her eyes remained closed as she took stock of her body and of the sensations that the morning brought to her.

The feel of the warm sheets under her naked body made her body squirm as, on its own accord, her back and legs moved over the surface. There was nothing like the feel of a naked body over satiny sheets. She looked over her shoulder at the sight of Willow’s half-covered body. Her arm was thrown over Tara’s waist, hair dishevelled with a barely perceptible smirk gracing her face, which made Tara scoot backwards and snuggle more tightly into her warm body.

In her sleep, Willow shuffled even closer so there was no longer any space between them. Her hand began to smooth a trail over Tara’s side and tummy, subconsciously comforting and calming her even in her sleep.

Tara couldn’t stop the sigh of contentment that escaped through her kiss-swollen lips as she basked in the moment. She wished that time, in that moment would cease, and she could be left fresh with the memory of the most glorious snapshot of her life.

Willow slowly dragged herself towards consciousness, and as her body filled with the gratifying ache of a night of love making, the slight smirk that was gracing her face developed into a grin that reached from ear to ear. Her arms tightened around Tara’s middle, and she began to rain a series of gentle kisses up her back and shoulders. Reaching her neck, Willow nuzzled in closer and just let her senses steep.

“Morning, sweetie,” Tara whispered softly, capturing the quietness of the moment.

“Hmmm, yes it is morning,” Willow replied as her mouth began to travel up Tara’s neck. “And what a splendid morning it is.”

“What are your plans for today?” Tara asked as she shifted her head back and allowed Willow easier access to her neck.

“Mmmm, I would like nothing more than to spend the next twenty-four hours learning every exquisite inch of your goddess-like body,” Willow’s voice came muffled from its position against Tara’s skin.

Tara’s body arched of its own accord with desire in reaction to the wanton sound of Willow’s voice. She slowly shifted her body so that it was now facing Willow’s and brought her own hands into play as they trailed up and her back, edging closer and closer to Willow’s bottom.

Willow traced her lips down Tara’s neck and continued down over her chest, her hands trailing a path upwards in tandem. Just as her mouth lowered closer and closer to Tara’s hardened nipple, so close that Tara could feel her heated breath brushing against it, Willow rolled over abruptly and hopped out of bed.

“But, unfortunately, I have to go down to the dig today,” Willow said with a mischievous grin as she dodged the pillow that Tara sent flying her way.

“I’ll get you back for that, you vixen,” Tara growled at the arousal sweeping through her body as she rolled over onto her stomach and buried her face into the bed.

“Hey, a girl’s gotta leave them wanting,” Willow winked as she enclosed herself in her robe. She picked up her shower things and made her way towards the door. Over her shoulder she added, “I’m going to get a shower, hon, if, you know, you wanted to join?”

Tara mumbled something unintelligible into the bedding as she quickly rose and grabbed her own robe and followed Willow out of the room. Her lips quirked in a half smile when she thought of last night and the incredible love making they had shared.

I haven’t felt quite so satisfied in… ever, I don’t think Tara thought to herself as she closed the bathroom door behind her. Her touch is the stuff that can heal broken souls. Tara began to hum a tune without realizing it.

Slowly pulling on the end of her robe, Willow caught Tara’s gaze as she let the belt drop and the garment naturally draped open to reveal a strip of pale skin running down the center of her body.

Tara’s tongue came out to tease over her bottom lip as she took in the sight before her. Without preamble, she stripped out of her own robe and stalked towards Willow, glad that her confession from the night before had not proven to be detrimental to their relationship. Tara’s personal mantra for their relationship had turned into one word: honesty.

Dragging the rest of the robe off of Willow’s body with one hand while pushing the curtain along the rod, Tara led Willow into the stream of the hot water, where they gravitated towards each other in the small space.

*******

While Willow made an appearance at the dig site to renew her duties after a short sabbatical, Tara decided to take a brief hike around the grounds and the surrounding area. She set off with a small backpack that held a few snacks, some water, her journal and her camera.

Before setting off from Chicago, Tara had not really been one for the outdoors. Growing up on a farm, she naturally spent a fair amount of time out in the fields and with chores, but now, during her self-searching journey, she found that she found solace with the sublime beauty of nature.

Through all of her travels, her all-time favourite place was, and would always remain, the ocean. She hiked through the forest, taking the time to absorb the fresh winter air. Her breath came in visible puffs of air that dissipated into the atmosphere with each exhalation. The sting of the cold hitting her lungs, Tara’s legs pumped through the craggy landscape, feeling invigorated, alive and hopeful.

The booming crash of water hitting the cliffs beckoned to Tara long before she could see the ocean. The whoosh, followed by a thundering crash, was like the sweetest symphony to her heart. She continued along the beaten path, meandering in between towering coniferous trees, as her boots crunched in the fallen needles on the forest floor.

Finally, coming to a clearing, Tara exited the canopy of trees atop of a steep cliff. There was a scattering of large flat rocks all around her, almost as though someone had placed them there in a seating arrangement purposefully so that anyone who visited could enjoy the majestic sight.

Today was a good day. The fog had held off and the brightness of the sun sparkled off the dark blue churning water made Tara wish she had remembered to pack her sunglasses. Squinting against the sun, Tara ran over the events of the last twenty-four hours in her mind with a smile on her face. She was in love, and it was pure, and beautiful, and reciprocated.

Opening her backpack, Tara removed a granola bar and a bottle of water and set about having her lunch. Taking the wrapper and putting it back inside her bag, Tara removed her beloved notebook and ran her fingers gingerly over the binding. The book had been her salvation and her enemy over the past six weeks. While she found catharsis in the act of writing, sometimes her dark thoughts and subsequent writing would cause her to tumble into depression.

Removing the pen from its place in the coil of the faded blue book, Tara clicked the bottom to release the tip, the sound competing with the crash of the sea below her, and held it over the blank page before she began to write.

Last night was the epitome of love and understanding. I don’t know how I am I so incredibly lucky to have Willow in my life, but I am going to hold onto her with all that I am. Despite my repeated attempts to sabotage this relationship, Willow stays strong and true by my side. I don’t know why…but who am I to question her love? I know I have an uphill battle on my hands trying to get my issues in order and dealt with, but with her with me along the way, right now, I feel as though I could take on the world and win. It’s sappy and so not me, but I just can’t help but feel this way.

Tara’s pen halted its movement as she tilted her head at the change in the sounds of her surroundings. Footsteps echoed behind her, coming from the same direction in which she had recently travelled and she immediately tucked her notebook away, preparing herself for the unwanted interruption of her alone time.

The only thing discernable through the heavy cover of the trees was a deep blue coat and dark hair. Ruling out Willow, Tara assumed that her intruder was Faith. Her shoulders, which had become hunched and tense at the initial noise, slowly relaxed and she lowered herself back onto her perch, keeping an eye on the opening of the footpath as the unidentified person finally came through the clearing.

“Hey, Blondie,” Faith mumbled as she came face to face with Tara. She was not expecting company and found herself thrown by having her personal escape overrun by another. Faith had been fleeing to this juncture at the top of this particular cliff since she originally found it a week after she had arrived on the dig.

“Faith,” Tara acknowledged as she turned back to the lure of the rolling waves of the sea. Neither woman knew exactly what to say after their interaction of the day before and the silence stretched awkwardly between them.

Deciding to stay despite the unexpected interruption, Faith hitched up the legs of her jeans and perched on the edge of a rock adjacent to Tara’s but still a safe distance away so as not to crowd the other woman.

Both woman sat side by side with their backs to the trees, staring out at the horizon where blue met blue. The wailing cry of lone gulls, with their shapes imperceptible apart from the splash of their off-white color, swept into the depths of the water, diving for prey. Despite the tumult that raced through both women, the wildlife continued on in their natural ministrations, breaking the silence of the day with their calls.

Faith hunched over in her sitting position, resting her elbows on her knees. “About yesterday,” she started as she stole a glance over at Tara who stiffened at her words.

“Wh-What about y-y-yesterday?” she stuttered as she peeked at Faith out of the corner of her eye.

Faith sighed audibly at her reaction. Clearly Tara was still holding back, which Faith couldn’t really fault her for. She didn’t know why she was reaching out to the stranger, but her soul recognized a kindred spirit. For the first time in her life, Faith felt the need to reach out.

“When I was eight, my mother’s boyfriend began to sneak into my bedroom at night. Sometimes he’d just stand in the doorway while I pretended to sleep, other times, while I was still feigning sleep, he’d touch me. The first time it happened, I went to my mother who told me I was imagining things, that Frank was with her the entire night and that she’d have known if he was leaving the bed at night.”

Tara had turned her body and was listening to Faith recall her own horrors. When she had stopped, Tara’s mouth opened and closed, but she could not find the words.

“Eventually, as his visits became more and more frequent, and I became more and more distant, he began to shower me with gifts—making her jealous. It was then that she finally gave him the heave-ho, because Frank no longer paid enough attention to her. Not because I cried myself to sleep each night, not because I started to act out in school, getting into fights and refusing to do my work. For selfish reasons.”

Tears began to run down Tara’s face as Faith’s jaw clenched and unclenched. The sound of teeth grinding against each other reached her ears and she shifted closer to her, tentatively reaching out her hand to place on Faith’s shoulder.

“Finally, after many years of remaining silent and being labeled as a delinquent, I finally disclosed what had happened to me to my school guidance counsellor.” Faith’s hitching breath expelled on a sob as, manifesting in a cloud of air that swirled outward and away from her body, it dissipated into the ether.

“I was taken from my mother and put in the system. I was fourteen,” Faith continued as Tara’s hand began to move back and forth across her shoulder blades, unconsciously trying to give comfort to the hurting woman beside her.

“Eventually, my mother was allowed to visit me under supervision. She kept this up for a while, but once I turned sixteen, she stopped coming around. I was forced to go to therapy and join a support group, which I purposefully destroyed by shutting everyone out. I didn’t even try, my trust had been wrecked beyond repair.”

“And here I am, at age twenty-seven, at the top of my game as an anthropologist and published author, and yet I cannot find it within myself to let it all go,” Faith finished with a sob. Tara guided Faith’s head into the crook of her neck letting the woman release the tension and negative energy through her tears.

“Let it out, sweetie,” Tara crooned as Faith’s body wracked with inhuman howls at the pain tearing through her chest. She began to rock their bodies, offering comfort in the only way she knew how.

The tears finally eased off and Faith unceremoniously swiped at her nose with the back of her hand as she sniffled. She kept her face buried in Tara’s neck, seeking solace in the first human contact that she had allowed herself—besides meaningless sexual encounters—in over ten years.

“I-I don’t r-remember how old I-I-I was,” Tara began softly, “but I do know that it happened for much of m-m-my childhood and a-adolescence.” Faith’s arms tightened around Tara as she began her own tale of abuse and shame.

As the waves continued to crash against weather-worn rocks, the gulls continued to dive toward the water and the sun set lower in the sky. Nature was constant and unaware of the turmoil emanating from the top of the cliff. The two broken women clung to each other on the edge of the ocean as their tears dropped into the moist ground below them.

******

Willow made her rounds around the various dig grids that covered the Colony of Avalon site. She stopped to talk with students and anthropologists alike, trying to make her presence known after her short absence. Finally finished with the diplomatic meanderings that came with being the lead on a dig, Willow took her personalized tool set and made her way toward the last grid, hoping to get a little dirt under her fingernails before the sun set.

She lowered herself into the edge of an excavated pit, the stolidity of the aged lighthouse a constant presence in the background. She had worked this grid before and they had found an excess of farming tools within the mapped area, so she hoped to wade through the damp soil in and maybe come across some fragments that would tell them a little more about the old settlement.

Willow was in her niche. Here in the field, was where she was most comfortable, where she was her in her true form. She tolerated the classes and teaching because she knew that a dig always waited for her. For four glorious months out of the year, she got to uncover physical representations of a culture that told a story of people long forgotten.

Willow silently picked away gently at the topsoil and lost herself in the movements of her brush, her sifter, her pick.

A shadow interrupted Willow’s work and she finished the last few inches of her section before looking up, hoping Tara had decided to visit after all. Instead of bottomless blue eyes, Willow was met with the smirking countenance of vivid hazel eyes that devoured her in a glance.

“Hey, Dr. Rosenberg,” Alaine purred as she shifted to lower herself into the grid. “I haven’t seen you since…well, it’s been a while.” She crept closer to Willow, invading her personal space.

Willow had to stem her body’s natural demand to shift away from the unwanted advance. Instead, she stood her ground and was determined to end this unsolicited attention once and for all.

“Alaine,” Willow spoke firmly, “you really need to stop this,” she insisted. “I’m with someone. I’m in love. I have absolutely no interest in what you’re offering, so just back off.”

Willow had just about enough of the overzealous grad student. Two weeks ago she had returned from her evening shower to find that the woman had broken into her room and made herself at home on her bed. She had been wearing very little, and Willow’s vulnerable position in only her robe and coming fresh off of a sensual fantasy about Tara, made her brain a little slow in catching onto what exactly Alaine had intended.

When Willow had realized that the skimpy pyjamas the other woman had donned and Alaine’s concern with the segment placement of the diggers in the field were merely a ploy to get close to her, she had immediately banished the woman from her room without haste with a warning to never try such a thing again.

Alaine continued to stalk Willow, ignoring the protestations as if they were never spoken. “Willow,” she admonished as she settled herself in between Willow’s legs, “I can see it in your eyes, I can see how much you want this.”

“Alai—“ Willow was cut off abruptly as invading lips suddenly captured her own. Her hands immediately went to the other woman’s shoulders, forcefully trying to push her away as her mouth attempted to turn from the attack. Finally able to put some distance between them, Willow looked in disgust at the obviously desperate woman in front of her.

“I’m seeing someone,” she gritted out through her teeth trying to control her clenched fists that wanted nothing more than to sock the grad student in front of her. “You try a stunt like that again, and I’ll have you removed so fast from this dig that you won’t realize it until you’re back in New York. Last warning,” she added as she hoisted herself up from the shallow pit.

Willow brushed the dark soil from her hands along the tops of her thighs and reached over to gather her tools. When she straightened, she came face to face with a shocked Tara and a stunned Faith.

With her mouth opening and closing in an attempt to reassure her lover of the interaction that she most definitely had borne witness to, Willow finally croaked out a single syllable—“Tar—“ before she was met with the retreating back of Tara as she made her way back towards the compound.

Turning quickly to Faith to discern the damage they had observed, Willow snapped her head back around at the hostile glare coming from her long-time friend.

“I don’t want to hear it, Red,” she growled as she followed Tara, leaving Willow dumbfounded and frozen in her tracks.

“Shit.”

*******

TBC

Dibs

WHAT!!!! Stupid Alaine

Hopefully either Tara will listen to Willow, or Faith will and then help convince Tara.

On a side note, I love the Faith/Tara friendship. I always thought they would have gotten along in season 7.

Update soon.

Yay for great update-y goodness... Big yay for Tara & Faith telling eachother about their childhood sexual abuse... I hope that Willow races after Tara and manages to explain everything to Tara... I truly hope that Alaine's stunt doesn't put Tara's progress back weeks... I truly hate alaine now, and I hope Willow sends her sorry ass back to some hell hole...

_________________
We few, we happy few. We band of buggered.

Posting While Nude Improves Your Mood.

Wow...that's a no bueno!!! Tara is very fragile and im sure she is very emotional after her very intense chat with Faith. Just when I think everything is gonna be sunshine and puppies...you throw me a curve ball.... I knew it wouldnt be that easy!!!!! Great job....ps. Alaine needs "every square inch of her ass kicked"!!!!!!!

Cyteach,

I enjoyed the change of pace very much, a deep breath from some of the more charged moments.

It was also exciting to see more of Tara's and Faith's friendship developing.

Alaine is a pain, hey it even rhymes and she needs to abstain, refrain, or be restrained, contained or at least trained not to be such an utterly unprofessional dipshit!

I'm struggling with Faith's lack of faith in Willow; it seems like Willow would have confided in her about the numerous acts of unwanted attention; but I trust you to ease my mind on that score. (When I did a lot of casting and directing I also had the occasional "groupie" creep!)

Tara's pull to the ocean is also a lovely new bit about her character that you've created in your version. The ocean description was also short and powerful.

So what's the simple truth? I am still utterly intrigued and drawn in to the developing relationship of these two extraordinary women.

Thank you!

Ariel

And again, the rollercoaster ride continues. We started off in such a lovely place. The morning-after feelings and thoughts were just delicious. I actually felt like the light at the end of the tunnel finally wasn't a train, then BAM, that stupid Alaine had to go and F things up. Stupid stalker bitch.

Tara and Faith confiding in each other was heartbreaking and comforting at the same time. It's so nice they both have someone who can relate to what they've been through. Very touching moment, and very nicely done.

So, okay, I'm thinking Willow should've kicked Alaine off the dig after she broke in her room. Then she had the nerve to kiss Willow when she told her in no uncertain terms she wasn't interested and that she was involved with someone. If I was there, I'd put on my steel-toed boots and give her a swift kick in the ass and a plane ticket home. I know Tara and Faith saw what happened and were pissed, but didn't they hear what Willow told the bitch? I mean, they have to know Willow wasn't at fault here, right?

Anyway, deep breath and back to the good stuff.

On a personal note, I remember the first time I heard my gf humming. Simple things can mean so much.

Oh please, let them get back to the healing soon. We had a nice little break from the major angst for a minute, so I'm hoping they talk this through soon.

Great job once again!


Wimpy

_________________
Pam aka Wimpy0729
Restlessness ~ Quickies - The Lovers, The Dreamers & Me

"There was plenty of magic." ~~ Tara

No dibs for me. Okay, another huge roller coaster chapter. I have to admit, my first worry was that Willow was going to come upon Tara and Faith comforting each other and misunderstand. I'm really glad that didn't happen, because obviously Faith needs someone that she can talk to, and Tara needs someone besides Willow, someone who has shared her experience. Having Tara misunderstand this incident with Willow is understandable given the emotional state she must've been in, but I'm disappointed that she and Faith would assume the worst of Willow. They both know her better than that. I hope it's something they'll both end up apologizing to Willow for.

A few of my favorite moments:



There is a relaxation to their intimacy here, a lightheartedness, that truly gives me hope for Tara's healing, and for the future of their relationship.

Another:



I hope that Tara doesn't lose the unbridled joy of that moment because of the misunderstanding.

Eagerly awaiting more.

_________________
Wave ... The Wish of Three Hearts
The Yuletide Present ... In From the Cold

"We're in love. We're lovers. We're lesbian, gay-type lovers."

Grrr! I hope she get's that bitch removed from the dig!
Poor Tara :( she needs to listen to Willow, and so does Faith!!
Great update, but argh D: need more soon! Must fix this! D:

_________________
Serving Second Lieutenant of the Kitten Army.
Semper WillTara!
I Serve With Honor For Kitopia!

OK so...a lot happening here! I have to say this was my favorite chapter to date:)

I really liked that W/T split up to do their own thing and Willow didn't freak. Like LonelyTara, I thought Willow was going to walk up on Faith and Tara in the midst of Faith's confession. Complete surprise to have the tables turned...great job!

I could understand Tara's reaction to seeing Willow and Alaine, but was extremely disappointed in Faith. Mainly because of this quote from a few chapters ago...

She basically knew that this chick was stalking Willow and should have at least listened to Willow's side of the story. Some friend...

Anyway, I'm still 100% loving this fic and can't wait to read more!!

_________________
Shelby - Racing The Rain (IN PROGRESS) / Baby Makes Three (IN PROGRESS) / The Santa Line / Everything She Does...Is Beautiful / Calfornia Grass

"Transform your pain. Release your past. And ... uh ... get over it."
~Willow, Where The Wild Things Are