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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/14/09)
PostPosted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 5:36 pm 
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5. Willowhand
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I hope Willow's home visit goes well
And the floating away thing really was cute hehe
can't wait for more

Ash :peace


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/14/09)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 15, 2009 12:42 am 
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19. Yummy Face
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Yay for good update-y goodness... Sheila sure is an asshole... I truly hope that she doesn't cause further problems for Willow... Tara telling Willow that she would catch her was really cute...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/18/09)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 18, 2009 6:51 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:33 pm
Posts: 469
Location: North Carolina, USA
Title: Meeting Expectations
Author: TaranWillow4Ever
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Please
Thoughts in italics.

Note: This story contains elements of abuse - physical and emotional, that are either eluded to if not outright described. If anything of this sort bothers you, then please do not read this story

Chapter 21

Tara couldn’t believe that a weekend could last so long. Many of the other girls had also gone on home visits so it had been just Faith and herself who were there for the weekend. The staff had tried to make the weekend enjoyable for them, but nothing seemed as fun without Willow. In fact, Willow was pretty much all she thought about through the long Friday night and all of Saturday. Tara had finally remembered to ask to go services, so she was wearing her “church clothes”

“Wow, too bad Red isn’t here to see you, you look great.” commented Faith when Tara came to sit down at the table with her tray.

“Why would she care?” asked Tara.

“Don’t you see how Red looks at you? She looks like she wants to just eat you up, well probably she does…” laughed the tough girl.

Tara blushed at the double entendre. Oh my Goddess, she does? And other people see it. I’ve seen her looking at me like that, but I thought it was just my imagination. She can’t like me like that, can she? Why would she like fat me.

“And if you don’t mind me saying, it seems like you look at her all googly eyes. You guys getting your needs met in that double at night?”

“No.” said Tara a little louder than she had expected. Several of the other kids in the cafeteria looked at her, and she blushed.

“You can’t tell me that you don’t want to? If I could get some of her or you, I would. That’s why I am in a single, I guess. Don’t worry, if you are, I won’t tell anyone. You guys are both nice, you deserve each other.”

Tara blushed even more crimson at this obvious come on and implication that she would want to do those things with Willow.

“Or do you not swing that way? Obviously I swing both ways…” said the dark haired girl.

Tara was speechless, to be asked these clear questions. She had been trying to avoid thinking about the nature of her feelings toward Willow and here was this girl just talking about them like she talks about the weather.

“Sorry Blondie, you know I just call you that ‘cause I like you right, it’s not a put down. I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable.”

“N…n…no. I…i..It’s O..O..Ok.” stuttered Tara.

“Yeah sure, you always stutter when it is Ok. Even I, not the most perceptive person, know that. Listen, maybe I am way out of line, but I just thought… All I can say is that if you want or need to talk about it, I’m here. I know I put this hard front on, but actually I am sort of a hopeless romantic.” The girl blushed.

“T..t..Thanks.” Tara said smiling her characteristic half smile.

“I am sure that that smile just makes Red go weak in the knees and other places.”

Tara started choking on her toast, and staff came to the table to make sure she was Ok. This staff member, who was going to take her to services, told her that it was time to go. So Tara said bye to Faith and followed the women to the dish line and then out of the cafeteria.

While she was in church, she found herself having trouble concentrating on the service. The things that Faith said were rushing through her mind. It did not help that the preacher was talking about Jesus’ love. How could these feelings be wrong, when they felt so right. Over the course of the last few days, Tara realized that she did have romantic feelings toward the redhead. She’d had slight urges before, but this was a hundred time stronger. All she could think about was Willow, the only person she wanted to be with was Willow, and she had the urge to be closer to Willow than she had to anyone else before.

Being in church was confusing; she had been taught from an early age that any sexual feelings were the devil’s work unless you were married. She had often pondered how this ritual totally changed the nature of feelings. She also wondered why her father and others preached about the evils of homosexuality, when there were so many other things listed as sins in the Bible. It seemed that there were way more comments about adultery and coveting, even two commandments, than the evils of homosexuality.

These thoughts continued to rush during the long periods of room time that they were subjected to on weekends. Supposedly the staff members were giving the kids time to chill, but really it was just an excuse for the staff not to have to do anything with them. Tara continued to ponder her thoughts and feelings toward her roommate. I really like her and Faith is right, I LIKE, like her. It’s more than usual feelings toward a friend, I haven’t wanted to kiss my other friends, I haven’t thought about my friends all day long when they were not there. I haven’t had dreams that we were together. I haven’t felt the longings that I feel. I have a crush on her, I wonder if Faith is right and she has one on me too. How do you go about asking something like that?AHHHHHH It doesn’t really matter, we’ll be separated soon anyway. She’ll go home, and I’ll most likely go home. Daddy would literally kill me. Plus it would be so against the rules if I acted on it.

These thoughts were interrupted by Willow coming into the room. She looked very upset. Tara sat up on her bed and looked at her.

“Sad to be back?”

“No.”

“Then what is the matter, sweetie.” Oh shit, I called her sweetie

Willow looked at her and smiled.

Oh my God, she’s got the cutest smile. Oh Goddess I got it bad. .

“My parents are sending me to boarding school; I only get to stay here two more weeks.”

“Well that means you are getting out of here right? That is good.”

“No. Don’t tell anyone, but this is actually the best place I’ve ever been. It’s safe, the staff and peers are nice, I have a great roommate” she smiled again at Tara. “I don’t want to go to Boarding School. It is so far away, and it seems like it has lots of rules. It is considered a therapeutic boarding school, so I suspect that it is just like here yet with less freedom. You have to wear uniforms and the uniforms are skirts. I am going to just die.”

“That sucks. I am sorry.”

“Well, I guess I just will have to make the most of these next two weeks. Can you believe that they are going to take me straight from here to there, I don’t even get to spend any more time at home.”

“I wish there was something better I could say than it sucks.”

“Me too.” Willow threw herself onto her bed and began to cry. Tara felt helpless. It was the middle of the day, anyone could see into their room and if she was anywhere near Willow and or her bed, she could get in a lot of trouble. But all she wanted to do was go over to the bed, either sit or lay down with Willow and comfort the girl. get your mind out of the gutter Maclay, she’s in pain and you are thinking about laying down with her.

“I wish I could comfort you.”

“I wish you could too. I really missed you.” Willow sat up from the bed and looked at Tara. She moved to the foot of her bed.

“I missed you too, a lot. It was a really long weekend.” Tara moved to the end of her bed so that they were just about a foot away from each other, but still meeting the letter of the double roommate laws.

Tara gazed at Willow and wished that there was a way to obscure the glass, so that she could show Willow how she really felt. She wasn’t sure, but the message in Willow’s
As usual, they were pulled out of their revelries by staff knocking on the door and telling them it was time to come out of their rooms.

It seemed like the rest of the day went really slowly. Willow talked about finding out about going to a therapeutic boarding school, and some of the kids who had experienced them talked a little about how it was. It seemed to Tara that Willow was gaining less information about succeeding in the school, than she was catching pointers to get kicked out. Tara couldn’t imagine Willow doing any of the things that her other girls were suggesting. Most of the day was structured with meetings, chores, and watching a movie. Tara was so relieved when it was time for bed. She was surprised; however, to realize that she suddenly felt really nervous and tongue tied around the redhead. She decided to regain her composure by listening to some music. She watched her roommate puttering around the room, and seemed disappointed when Willow too, put on her headset and started to read.

After lights out, Tara took off her music and prepared to go to sleep. All the things that she wanted to say swimming around her head, suppressed by the fear that her feelings were going to cause stress for the girl rather than comfort. She turned over and was trying to quiet her mind when she heard her roommate.

“Tar…are you still awake? Can we talk?”

“Sure,” said Tara moving herself on her bed so that she was facing the foot of Willow’s bed.

“Remember I said that I really missed you before…”

“Yeah, I really missed you too.”

“No, Tara I don’t think you get it, I MISSED you. I realized what I sort of already suspected, I have feelings for you. Feelings that are more than what normal roommates have for each other. I don’t want to scare you or anything, I would never do anything, but I thought that you should know so if you wanted to move or something, you could.”

“Willow, I wouldn’t want you to move any more than I’d expect you to want to move if you found out I had feelings for you too.” Holy shit, what did I just say. If I’d just let off the “too” it could have remained ambiguous, but now…

“You do?” said a little voice from the other bed. “You know what I am talking about right, feelings…like romantic ones.”

“Yes, Willow, I may have been sheltered, I may have been brought up really religious, but I know what feelings are. My mom talked about them with me before she died. She was pretty clear about explaining the feelings and sensations, and that’s what I am experiencing, all of it”

“Really?” The sound of relief was clear in the girl’s voice.

“Really.” Now what do I say. It seemed that Willow didn’t know what to say either so they both were quiet for a while.


“Well, um… I know you are all “rule following girl” so I’m not going to suggest us doing anything, not that I would suggest it even if you were like…like…Faith, all fuck the rules, ‘cause we just said we liked each other and that is a big deal…”

“What were you trying to say sweetie?”

“Sweetie, I like the sound of it.”

“Cool, I like the sound of saying it. But what were you asking before?”

“I was wondering if we could…if I could…hold your hand. It can’t be too much against the rule, it’s part of a lot of the things we do here, and it wasn’t listed as the things that roommates couldn’t do…”

Tara took the girls hand, if felt warm and a little damp. I guess she was really nervous.

“That feels nice,” Willow sighed.

“Yes it does.” She paused, “you know what you said about Faith, all that not following the rules, she…she..she said she knew that we had feelings for each other, that she could see it in how we look at each other. Do you think that others see it?”

“Um…I doubt that many people are looking for it…and they are always saying that “feelings are ok, it is behaviors that can be the problem…Tara?”

“Yes?”

“Well, while I was home…I kinda made us two internet identities, so we could keep in touch after we aren’t here. I did it even before they told me I was going to the school. I made mine tnwffe99 and yours wntffe99, they are both at sunnymail.com. Do you know how to email?”

“Sort of, I was just learning about it at school. I don’t have a computer at home, but we had to do our assignments on one, so I used the school one. I haven’t used the internet very often.”

“Well, I’ve always been ‘computer girl’, so I’ll give you really clear instructions. The names are for Willow and Tara friends forever 1999, I did the friends cause I was going to tell you about it even if you didn’t have similar feelings…”

“That is really great, email has a password right?”

“Uh huh, the password is Maples99 I figured we’d both remember the name of this place and the year.”

“Yeah.” Tara yawned. “Sorry, I didn’t sleep so well this weekend.”

“Me either, I missed listening to you breathe, your presence makes me feel better.”

Tara squeezed Willow’s hand. “Me too. We better flip back to our usual sleeping positions, so that they don’t shine on our heads and see our feet.

“I guess, I’d rather fall asleep holding your hand.”

“So would I. Someday?”

“ I sure hope so.”

They both flipped around, feeling relieved that their secrets were out to the other, but feeling anxious about the ramifications of their confessions.

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Meeting Expectations


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/18/09)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 18, 2009 7:28 am 
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19. Yummy Face
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Yay for great update-y goodness... Big yay for both saying that they have romantic feelings for eachother... Willow being sent to a boarding school sucks big time...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/18/09)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 18, 2009 7:32 am 
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Ms. Moderator Fantastico
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Wow. I'm glad they told each other how they feel, but Willow going to boarding school? Downer.

I really hope they keep in touch and that they really do someday fall asleep holding each other's hand.

Love this story

Oh and sidenote, I've been in a place like The Maples when I was around their age 'cause I'm bipolar, and you're reflecting and writing it really well. The 'no contact' rules are so strict as well as the group sessions and stuff, so I just think it's awesome to read an account of it, even if it means lots of drama and angst for the girls.

This is the KB so I know there'll be a happy ending, but in the meantime I'm thoroughly enjoying seeing it play out.

Can't wait for more

:peace

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/18/09)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 18, 2009 7:35 am 
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4. Extra Flamey
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WOOPY
finaly!
:D can't wait for more :D:D:D:D
and don't make her leave :'(

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/18/09)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 18, 2009 11:49 am 
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5. Willowhand
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YAY!!!
They finally told each other they have romantic feelings for each other
I hope that they keep in touch and will one day be able to be together
can't wait for more

Ash :peace


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/18/09)
PostPosted: Tue Oct 20, 2009 3:33 pm 
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32. Kisses and Gay Love
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The following indignation is directed at the fictional people in this story - not the author or anyone else real. Ok, maybe real people who are like this.

Why the fuck did Willow's parents adopt her if they didn't even want a kid around? And why is she not allowed to take food without asking at home? I mean I'm no expert but shouldn't they want her eating? I mean, filling her room with ding-dongs, no but eating, right? And now she has to go to boarding school jail without even asking her opinion? That truly sucks.

I'm glad she and Tara talked about feelings and the hand holding was very sweet.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/23/09)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 11:29 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:33 pm
Posts: 469
Location: North Carolina, USA
Title: Meeting Expectations
Author: TaranWillow4Ever
Rating: PG-R for now
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Please
Thoughts in italics.

Note: This story contains elements of abuse - physical and emotional, that are either eluded to if not outright described. If anything of this sort bothers you, then please do not read this story

Part 22

Willow couldn’t believe how glad she was to finally be back to The Maples. What had initially seemed like a hellish prison had become her refuge and the place where she felt most safe. She knew that the reason for this was mostly due to her roommate, Tara Maclay with whom she realized she was falling in love. She left her parents talking to the staff, undoubtedly telling them about the weekend, that she had thought went well, but Sheila had felt that she’d been giving too much “lip”.

When she entered the room she saw Tara lying on her bed. I so wish I could just go over there and lay down with her. I know that it would make me feel so much better to be held in her arms and comforted. . This daydream was interrupted by Tara asking,

“Sad to be back?”

“No.”

“Then what is the matter, sweetie.”

She called me sweetie, can’t keep up this glum mood when she calls me sweetie Willow smiled.“My parents are sending me to boarding school; I only get to stay here two more weeks.”

“Well that means you are getting out of here right? That is good…” stated her roommate. am I imagining it, or does she sound sad…just wishful thinking Rosenberg.

“No. Don’t tell anyone, but this is actually the best place I’ve ever been. It’s safe, the staff and peers are nice, I have a great roommate. I don’t want to go to Boarding School. It is so far away, and it seems like it has lots of rules. You have to wear uniforms and the uniforms are skirts. I am going to just die.”

“That sucks. I am sorry.” Willow could tell that her roommate really meant this comment. “I know how much you hate skirts and dresses. I can’t imagine you in a uniform without your sweatshirt.”

“Yeah, I am sure that it is not “allowable clothing”… Well, I guess I just will have to make the most of these next two weeks. Can you believe that they are going to take me straight from here to there, I don’t even get to spend any more time at home.”

“I wish there was something better I could say than it sucks.” Willow noticed that Tara was looking at her with concern and understanding. This just broke the dam that had been building behind her eyes, and she threw herself on the bed and began to cry.

Willow heard a small voice say, “I wish I could comfort you.”

“I wish you could too. I really missed you.” Willow sat up from the bed and looked at Tara. She looks so beautiful, I wish I could just go to the girl and have her hold me, tell me that everything will be all right. . Willow moved to the foot of her bed.

“I missed you too, a lot. It was a really long weekend,” said Tara. The older girl moved to the end of her bed so that they were just about a foot away from each other, but still meeting the letter of the double roommate laws.

Willow looked at her roommate and unconsciously licked her lips. I so want to kiss her. Damn these rules, why couldn’t’ we have met somewhere else.

Just then staff came knocking on the door to announce that room time was over.

Willow couldn’t keep her mind on anything other than the fact that she was going to lose Tara in less than two weeks. That she was going to go to some therapeutic boarding school that promised that they would keep a good eye on her and turn her into a proper young lady. Buffy noticed her mood and asked her in the meeting if everything was alright.

“No, actually it isn’t. My parents decided that they’d rather send me to a Therapeutic Boarding School than here, so I have to leave in less than two weeks. I don’t want to go to some stupid school that tells me how to dress.”

‘Uniforms eh,” commented Faith. “I got sent to one of those before, didn’t last more than a week. I got in a fight the first time that someone looked at me funny. They also didn’t like how I wore my skirt, what is the point of wearing a plaid skirt if it is down to your knees.”

Anya laughed, and when glared at by the staff, raised her hand. When she was acknowledged she said, “I didn’t care about the uniforms, was a handy thing for some of my boyfriend’s fantasies, but I hated the fact that they kept such an eagle eye on us. It was almost as bad as here. I got kicked out for being caught… let’s see, how to say this…we got caught with his pants down…”

Ick, I didn’t need to have that picture in my head

Cordelia raised her hand, “I got kicked out for drinking, surprise, surprise. We didn’t have to wear uniforms, but they still had a lot of rules. Daddy was pissed he lost a whole two months of tuition.”

“Thanks guys, was there anything good about being there?” asked Willow.

“Well, the food was kinda good, and I learned a lot, that is before I got kicked out” said Anya.

“I wasn’t there long enough” said Faith.

“The guys were cute” added Cordelia.

Not going to help, and the girls I am sure will not be as cute as Tara Willow looked over at Tara. The girl seemed to be in her own little world. Willow wondered what she was thinking about. When the girl noticed her staring, she smiled. that smile lights up my entire world. Willow sighed.

The meeting continued without any information that made Willow feel any better than she had before. It seemed that the evening dragged on and she resented having to watch a stupid movie and not even get to sit near Tara. She was relieved when it was room time.

Willow was disappointed when she saw that Tara seemed engrossed in her music. She had been hoping to talk to the blond haired girl and tell her what was going on in her head. Finally after lights out, Tara took off her headphones and seemed to be getting ready to sleep. Willow whispered, “Tara, are you still awake? Can we talk?”

She heard the girl whisper back “Sure,” and Tara moved herself so that they were lying facing each other on their beds.

“Remember I said that I really missed you before…” Willow felt the perspiration welling in her hands and her body began to shake. Come on Rosenberg, you can do it. You practiced this, come on. .

“Yeah, I really missed you too.” replied the girl lightly.

“No, Tara I don’t think you get it, I MISSED you. Um..um..” Willow felt her body shake even more. “Um…Tara I realized what I sort of already suspected, I have feelings for you. Feelings that are more than what normal roommates have for each other. I don’t want to scare you or anything, I would never do anything, but I thought that you should know so if you wanted to move or something, you could.”

“Willow, I wouldn’t want you to move any more than I’d expect you to want to move if you found out I had feelings for you too.”

I am sure that I did not hear that correctly, it sounded like she said she had feelings for me too. “You do?” said Willow. “You know what I am talking about right, feelings…like romantic ones.” like I want to kiss and touch you, don’t say that. She is taking it well, don’t blow it.

“Yes, Willow, I may have been sheltered, I may have been brought up really religious, but I know what feelings are. My mom talked about them with me before she died. She was pretty clear about explaining the feelings and sensations, and that’s what I am experiencing, all of it”

“Really?” Willow felt so relieved. She had entertained the chance that her feelings were reciprocated, but she had convinced herself that it couldn’t be true.

“Really.” Now what do I say. Just dive in, you know what you want to do and you know what you think you should do, suggest it.

“Well, um… I know you are all “rule following girl” so I’m not going to suggest us doing anything” she paused, Oh shit what I am I saying “Not that I would suggest it even if you were like…like…Faith, all fuck the rules, ‘cause we just said we liked each other and that is a big deal…”

“What were you trying to say sweetie?”

“Sweetie, I like the sound of it.”

“Cool, I like the sound of saying it. But what were you asking before?”

“I was wondering if we could…if I could…hold your hand. It can’t be too much against the rule, it’s part of a lot of the things we do here, and it wasn’t listed as the things that roommates couldn’t do…”

Tara took Willow’s hand. Willow immediately realized how moist her hand was and hoped that the girl wouldn’t be disgusted. She didn’t seem to be. “That feels nice,” Willow sighed.

“Yes it does. You know what you said about Faith, all that not following the rules, she…she..she said she knew that we had feelings for each other, that she could see it in how we look at each other. Do you think that others see it?”

“Um…I doubt that many people are looking for it…and they are always saying that “feelings are ok, it is behaviors that can be the problem…Tara?”

“Yes?”

“Well, while I was home…I kinda made us two internet identities, so we could keep in touch after we aren’t here. I know it is against the rules and we are not supposed to exchange any information, but I felt like I had to figure out a way to keep in touch with you. I did it even before they told me I was going to the school. I made mine tnwffe99 and yours wntffe99, they are both at sunnymail.com. Do you know how to email?”

“Sort of, I was just learning about it at school. I don’t have a computer at home, but we had to do our assignments on one, so I used the school one. I haven’t used the internet very often.”

“Well, I’ve always been ‘computer girl’, so I’ll give you really clear instructions. The names are for Willow and Tara friends forever 1999, I did the friends ‘cause I was going to tell you about it even if you didn’t have similar feelings…”

“That is really great, email has a password right?” asked Tara.

“Uh huh, the password is Maples99 I figured we’d both remember the name of this place and the year.”

Tara yawned. “Sorry, I didn’t sleep so well this weekend.”

“Me either, I missed listening to you breathe, your presence makes me feel better.”

Tara squeezed Willow’s hand. “Me too. However, we better flip back to our usual sleeping positions, so that they don’t shine on our heads and see our feet.

“I guess… I’d rather fall asleep holding your hand.” I’d actually really like to fall asleep holding all of you. But that is too dangerous.

“So would I. Someday?”

“ I sure hope so.” and I hope that the someday is not too far in the future.

+++

Willow woke up and saw Tara trying to quietly gather her clothes for a shower. Willow looked over at the girl and realized that life was beautiful, she liked this girl and this girl liked her. She couldn’t help but smile. When Tara stood up from her dresser, she turned to look at Willow and was surprised at seeing her friend grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“What are you smiling at?” whispered the blond.

“You, you are so beautiful.” whispered Willow back, “and I got to hold your hand.” She did a little jig on her bed.

“Watch out, if you grin like that on the unit they are going to think you are high or something.”

“I am high, high on Tara Maclay.”

“Well, you better keep it in the room; we don’t want it to be the last time we get to hold hands.”

“Ok”. Willow worked to calm herself down while Tara was in the bathroom, and by the time she came back, she had put on her game face and looked like the Willow who was usually on the unit. The two kept this up through breakfast, morning meeting and the beginning of school. Dr. Holt came to get Tara first for therapy, and afterwards went to get Willow.

All through class Willow had been pondering what she was going to tell her therapist. To some extent she wanted to be able to be honest and have a neutral party to bounce her feelings off, but on the other hand, Dr. Holt was a staff member and had the power to ruin the situation. Willow was still battling with the decision while they walked down the hallway.

Willow sat down in the therapy session and realized that she was not wearing her sweatshirt. what the fuck am I doing to do with my hands.

“You don’t have your security sweatshirt on today, how come?” asked the therapist.

“Um, I guess I was sort of warm, and just forgot to put it on.”

“Ok. I have trouble believing that. I think it has far much more significance.”

“What do you think it means?”

“I think you are finally feeling secure here and don’t need it to feel ok.”

“Whatever” she thinks she knows so much

“Ok, so tell me about your home visit. It was interesting to meet your parents.”

“Yeah, I bet she had nothing good to say. I still don’t know why they adopted me. It feels like for the last five years all they’ve been trying to do is fix me.”

“What is broken about you?”

“I’m just not a carbon copy of them. I guess they thought that by picking a red haired kid, I’d just look and act like them. I’d be just like what they imagined their biological kid would be like. But I’m not. I am my own person. I am SO different from her, and I’m glad that I am. Sometimes I hate her. I especially hate her now.”

“Her? Your Mom? Why?”

“Yes my Mom. Why do you think? Because she is sending me to some boarding school where she can dump me until I go to college, and I’ll answer your question before you ask, I feel like she is dumping me, because it being a “real” school, they will figure that I can just stay there until I graduate. Too many people know that this place is kind of like a hospital, they are sending me half-way across the country, none of their friends will know that the new boarding school is a therapeutic one. They will just think that Ira and Sheila sent their brilliant kid to a boarding school so she would get the best education possible.”

“Sounds like you are feeling abandoned by them; abandoned by another set of parents.”

“You think?” said Willow sarcastically. I can’t deal with that part of it yet. I’ll just ignore the other comment about abandonment “The thing that bothers me the most is that usually my Dad has my back, he’s the voice of reason. I tried to talk to him about the decision this weekend, but he just said the decision was made and that it made more sense economically and realistically for me to go to the school. I don’t want to leave here and go to boarding school. I wanted to graduate from this program and go home.”

“Sounds like you are feeling betrayed by your Dad too. So why do you want to stay here?”

“I have friends here. I haven’t had a lot of friends before, and those that I did have, like my softball buddies, my parents hated.”

“You don’t talk a lot about softball. Tell me about it.”

Willow looked at Dr. Holt, “You’re just trying to trick me. You want me to find out what I am going to say about Carley.”

“Who is Carley?”

“Huh. You can’t claim not to know. Come on Dr. Holt. It is one of the reasons I am here, it’s one of the reasons that I went over the bend onto anorexia, well not really but still, it definitely didn’t help.”

“Willow, all this time in therapy and you give me so much in the fourth to last session.”

“What do you mean?” asked Willow.

“Well, you just mentioned some Carley girl, reasons for your anorexia, and feelings of betrayal and abandonment from your parents. All of these could easily months of therapy. Well, I don’t know about the Carley thing, are you willing to talk about one of the three issues?”

“How much time do we have?”

“About 15 minutes.”

“Ok, well, I can probably talk about the Carley thing in that time. There really isn’t much to say. Carley was my softball coach. I had a crush on her, she reciprocated, it was good until she decided to use me as a plaything. She kept threatening with telling my parents if I didn’t do what she told me to do. She told even though I did everything. She convinced them that I had a crush and that I’d imagined everything. My parents believed her over me, using information from my lying about food stuff. My parents asked me why I would have a crush on a girl, I admitted to being gay, they freaked out especially my mom.”

“Seems like another example of your parent’s not being there for you.”

“Uh huh.”

“So…we got a dilemma here Willow. Remember those confidentiality comments I made at the beginning of your stay here?”

“Yeah, but don’t worry, it’s been investigated. They didn’t believe me, they believed her. Why would an attractive 25 year-old woman want to be messing around with a twelve year old? It must have been the 12 year-old’s imagination. I sure hope she’s not doing it to anyone else.”

“Why do you think she picked you?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because she knew that my parents wouldn’t believe me. Maybe ‘cause I was so vulnerable, maybe because I did have such a crush on her and worshipped the ground she walked on. I feel so stupid.”

“You shouldn’t, sounds like you were taken advantage of.”

“Yeah, I guess you can say that. I thought that it was my fault, I didn’t even know that it could be considered abuse, ‘till Tara told me. She was the first person I ever told other than my parents and the DSS lady”

“Why did you tell her?”

“The DSS lady, I had to.”

“No. Tara.”

“I don’t know. We kinda talk about everything. I can’t remember how it came up” liar

“I think you and she have developed a good friendship? Does she know you are gay? You seem pretty clear about being gay. Is that true?”

“Yeah, I told Tara she was cool with it. I’ve known since I was little, but it became really clear to me after the Carly stuff. Even though it was really terrible, there still was some good things about it. I’ve kissed a few boys, they are nothing like it, and

“Maybe you haven’t kissed the right boy?”

“Maybe you haven’t kissed the right girl.” Willow blanched I can’t believe I said that. I’m sorry that was rude. I just get so tired of adults saying that. You wouldn’t ever tell a straight girl that she should give girls a chance. Why is it ok to tell gay kids to give the opposite sex a chance?”

“You’ve got a point. I am really sorry that our time is going to be cut short. I think I could learn a lot from you Willow.”

“You probably could.” said Willow flippantly.

Dr. Holt got up and gestured that the session was over. Willow returned to class, feeling better and happy to see Tara’s brilliant blue eyes smiling at her as she sat down at her desk.

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Meeting Expectations


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/23/09)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 12:10 pm 
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*beats Carley* I H8 U CARLEIIIY
>:(
yay update, great update fantaaaaaaastic update *goes on*

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/23/09)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 23, 2009 12:10 pm 
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Yay for great update-y goodness... I'm kinda glad that Willow opened to Dr. Holt... I truly hope she can help Willow and Tara in the future...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/24/09)
PostPosted: Sat Oct 24, 2009 4:01 pm 
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Part 23

Tara couldn’t believe how fast the two weeks had gone. The two of them had engaged in hours and hours of discussions about plans for the future and ways that they would stay in touch, but Tara knew that probably most of these plans were pipe dreams. This realization was making her very depressed, but she didn’t want her mood to ruin the last day they had together. All through the day people were coming up to Willow and saying their goodbyes. Tara felt frustrated at all the attention that Willow had to give others. Usually people just left them alone, but today it seemed like everyone, both staff and students, was trying to let Willow know how much of an effect she had on them. As each of these people talked to her roommate, she wondered if any of them knew how much their feeling of loss paled in comparison to hers. On several occasions, she had to strongly suppress her tears by going into her dissociative place. The urge to cut was becoming overwhelming, but Tara had promised Willow that she would not cut over this loss. On more than one occasion, Willow had asserted that this was not going to be a “goodbye” instead it was just a “see you soon” event.

The night couldn’t come too quickly for Tara. It hurt to see all of Willow’s belongings packed up in preparation for her departure, but this room contained the memories of some of her happiest moments, she knew that even when Willow was gone, her aura would remain and Tara would feel the sense of security and care that the redheaded girl gave her.

Along with all of these thoughts and feelings about the loss, Tara was also struggling with her desires to take a chance on the rules and take advantage of the last night that she would probably ever be with Willow. Until now, they had kept to the roommate rules; only talking and holding hands, but Tara wanted more, and she had the feeling so did Willow. Tara had pretty much decided that she would take the lead from Willow, if she was interested in some real contact, Tara was definitely willing.

Before lights out, Willow was finishing up her packing and talking some about how she planned to maintain their email accounts and keep in touch with Tara. Willow also was obsessing about what the new boarding school was going to be like and asking Tara many questions that she could not possibly answer. Willow was taking out an outfit for the travel. Tara was not very surprised when she saw that the girl’s choice of clothing was a pair of jeans, sneakers and her hoodie. Tara wondered why Willow also had a sweater out with the outfit.

Willow came walking toward her with the hoodie in her hand. “Tara, I…I am pretty sure that…that…this is not going to be part of the allowed clothing, and my parents have always hated this thing. Would you keep it for me until we get together again? I know that you will keep it safe, feel free to wear it if you want too.”

Tara took the sweatshirt from her roommate’s outstretched hands, amazed that the girl would ever think of parting with this garment; her security object. “A..a…are y…y…you s…s..sure ?” stuttered Tara.

“Positive, I can’t think of anyone else I would trust with it, and plus, I don’t really need it anymore, I have you. Knowing that you are in this world provides me with as much security as I could ever need.”

Tara hugged the sweatshirt to her chest, the smell of Willow permeated the shirt, and it almost felt like she had Willow herself in her lap. it will almost feel like I have her. I could wear it if I felt the need to have her hug me.

“Don’t let anyone see that you have my hoodie. I am sure that they’d have some problem with you having it.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep it safe. If you are worried, you don’t have to give it to me?”

“Nope, I want you to have it. If it gets confiscated, then I’ll get another one for you. I’m just giving it to you to remember me by.”

“Will, how could I ever forget you. I don’t need anything to remember you by, but I really appreciate you trusting me with your most treasured object.”

Willow went back to packing up her stuff while Tara watched her trying to stuff all of the moments into her memory bank.

After it was lights out, the two girls switched to the feet of their beds, and held hands. After a few minutes, Tara said, “Fuck it.”

Willow pulled her hands away, “What? You don’t want to hold hands?”

“No…No…” Tara said trying to grab Willow’s hands again. “I want to hold more than your hands. This may be the last night we are ever together. I don’t want my stupid fear of breaking rules to get in the way of an opportunity to be with you.”

“Be with me?” said Willow sounding a little worried.

“N…N…no….I didn’t mean that… I meant just getting to cuddle with you. Not that I think the idea of BEING with you is bad...but we haven’t even kissed or cuddled…”

“Yeah. I believe that someday we will both be and BE together, but for now…snuggling would be great. But what if we get caught?”

“We are not going to get caught. There has got to be a good thing about you being so skinny and me not being skinny. We put stuff in your bed to look like you are in it, you get in my bed against the wall, so my body is blocking anyone from seeing you. Nobody will know you are here rather than there.”

“Sounds like you have thought this out a lot.”

“Um…yeah, I guess I have.”

“Why didn’t you suggest it sooner?”

“The chance that we would get caught, I didn’t want to chance losing what we had.”

“Makes sense, so I’ll put my pillows and clothes under the covers, and make it look like I am sleeping with the covers over my head…”

“Great.”

Willow quietly moved her stuff to make the bed look occupied; then Tara made room for Willow in the bed beside her. The two girls lay face to face, with Willow’s head being slightly lower than Tara’s so it could not be seen over Tara’s body. For a few minutes they just lay looking at each other. Tara felt the bed shaking and wondered what was happening. Quickly she realized that the girl beside her was shaking.

“Sweetie, are you ok?” Tara put her hand on Willow’s cheek. “You are shaking.”

“Yeah, great,” whispered Willow. “I don’t know why I am shaking so hard.”

“D..d..do you n…n…not w..w..want to be doing this?”

“Definitely not, this is totally what I want to be doing…or really this is what I want to be doing. “ Willow put her lips on Tara’s lips and kissed her gently.

Tara felt a wave of pleasure go through her body. It felt like an electric current and felt different from any thing else she had ever felt. It felt a hundred times better than cutting, and before this, cutting had been the thing that made her feel the best. “Wow.” She looked at the girl in front of her. Willow’s eyes seemed to be asking whether it had been something that the blond girl had liked. Tara closed the distance between their faces and kissed the girl again, this time parting her lips slightly so that her tongue could touch the other girl’s lips. This caused Willow’s trembling to increase and Tara worried that the girl was going to have a heart attack. “Are you ok?”

“Wonderful, you?” sighed Willow.

“Y…y…you are shaking.”

“I know. I can’t stop. Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about. Just wanted to make sure you are ok, you’re not having a heart attack or something.”

“If I did, I’d die happy, but I promise you that it is not a heart attack. This happened before… but it wasn’t …it wasn’t…I don’t know what it wasn’t, but what this is, is good.”

The two girls heard the staff member checking the rooms, Willow scooted down and pasted herself against the bed, Tara remained on her side, sheltering Willow from the flashlight beam. Tara could sense the light pass onto Willow’s bed, but it quickly left and the staff member moved onto another room.

Both girls let out the breath that they were both holding, and Willow began to giggle. The only thing that Tara could think to do was to kiss Willow again so she wouldn’t giggle to loudly, so that is what they did. The two girls lay in Tara’s bed, kissing and lightly touching each other’s backs, arms and faces. Willow’s hand grazed Tara’s breast and Tara became immediately stiff and her hands came off Willow.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to do that?” said Willow, sensing the change in her friend’s demeanor.

“N..N..No it is alright. It’s just….um…it’s just that…”

“It didn’t feel good?”

“N…n…no. Um…it just…umm…”

“Shush, it is alright. “ Willow put her finger on Tara’s lip, “I won’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

“It’s not that…it’s….oh Willow….there is so much I want to tell you, but I can’t.”

“Well, just so you know I am here when you are ready to tell me. I can wait. It is ok.”

Tara started to cry, the sobs rolling through her noiselessly. Willow just hugged the larger girl, whispering ‘it’s ok’” and holding her until she stopped crying. Once it stopped, Tara yawned. “I am sorry”.

“Don’t be sorry, Tara. Don’t ever be sorry for having feelings. You are tired, as much as I’d love to fall asleep here, I know I can’t both because my shaking body won’t let me, and because I am too afraid that we will get caught. I should probably go back to my own bed.”

“I don’t want you to, but I know that you are right.” Tara moved so that Willow could go back to her bed.

The two were silent for a few moments; then Tara heard, “Tar?”

“Yeah, Will?”

“I have two questions.”

“Yeah?”

“The first is…it is going to sound silly...well they both may sound silly…”

“Go on, anything you ask is ok.”

“Can we be girlfriends? Can I consider you my girlfriend?”

“Yeah, Will. I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.”

“The second question is even sillier.”

“Go…go for it”

“Um…could I…um…could I have one of your tee shirts to take with me? Preferably one that smells like you.”

“Sure.” oh my Goddess, she likes the way I smell. I can’t believe it. Well, she wants one, what’s better than this one… . Tara wordlessly got up, went to her dresser, peeled off her nightshirt, put on another tee-shirt and gave the nightshirt to Willow”

“Ah Tara, this is perfect. It smells just like your shampoo. I’d been planning to buy some of the shampoo so I’d feel like I was near you, but this is even better. Thank you sweetie.”

Tara smiled to herself and felt the care in her new girlfriend’s voice.

“When you get out, and you can get to it, you’ll write to me right?” asked Willow.

“Yes I will, I promise, just remember that it might be awhile. Even if you don’t hear from me, doesn’t mean I am not thinking about you.”

“I really hope this works out.”

“Me too.” Me too.

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Meeting Expectations


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/24/09)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 12:48 am 
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Yay for great update-y goodness... I truly hope that they will be seeing eachother soon and begin their snuggle terapy...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/24/09)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 9:29 am 
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Hey,
I was going to post about the conversation with the therapist but here is another update as well. The conversation with the therapist kind of blows me away. It seems like Willow really made a lot of progress there. I mean wow. That her parents want to move her is incredibly stupid given that kind of session.

This update: how lovely for both of them. I'm now so curious whether there will be more adolescent updates or if you're going to pick this up 2-6 years from now when they actually manage to meet up.

I've enjoyed this quite a bit and hope for more.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/24/09)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 25, 2009 10:31 am 
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Love it honey! More more more! I know, not when it is Mommy time, but when it is Free time, I'm begging you!
For now, enjoy the kids' love and everything! *hugs

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/26/09)
PostPosted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 11:03 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:33 pm
Posts: 469
Location: North Carolina, USA
JustSkipIt: We will get a glimpse of their lives apart from each other.

Zampsa1975: You are going to have to wait awhile for the snuggle therapy.

JuJuDeRoussie: Is this quick enough.


itle: Meeting Expectations
Author: TaranWillow4Ever
Rating: PG-R for now
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Please
Thoughts in italics.

Part 24

I can make it through this day; it is the last day that I’m here, the last day that I get to be with Tara for awhile. I need to take advantage of every moment. These were the first thoughts that Willow had as she waited for her roommate to come back from her shower. Willow treasured these moments. She loved the smell of Tara’s freshly shampooed hair and the clear scent of her body gel. These were smells that she would always associate with this girl; and Willow knew that they most likely would always invoke the feelings of safety and care. Love, is it love that I am feeling? I think so, but I’ve been wrong before… Willow was pulled out of her thoughts by Tara coming in the door, the pondered scent following the beautiful girl. The girl’s eyes met, and Willow smiled.

“So are you almost packed up?” asked Tara.

“I’ve got a little more, but I don’t want to do it until tonight. It depresses me too much to do it; I am going to put it off as long as I can.”

“I can help if you need it.”

“Thanks.”

Willow got up, grabbed her clothes and went off to the shower. Afterwards she went to breakfast and the morning meeting. Tara and Willow had developed a routine for the time they spent together. Often it was just the two of them eating breakfast. They’d sit across from each other during meetings, and work together in class. Aside from therapy and personal hygiene, they spent almost all of their waking moments together. Willow was surprised to see that their usual table was full. Buffy, Faith, Cordelia, and Anya were all sitting eating their breakfasts and there was hardly room enough for the two of them to sit down. Willow had never felt this popular and didn’t know what to do with the extra attention. She listened politely while kids she just went to school with stopped by the table to say goodbye, and even a couple of staff came near and said that it had been a pleasure to work with her. I wish they would just fucking go away. I want to treasure every moment I could have with Tara. Willow could sense that as the day wore on, Tara became more and more distant. She seemed to be crawling back into the shell that Willow had worked so hard to help her leave.

By the time it was bedtime, Willow sensed that the blond was totally guarded. She’s gotten so quiet. I wonder what she’s thinking about. I wish I could just hold her and tell her that everything is going to be alright. . Willow was very anxious, and she began doing her usual coping mechanism, babbling.

“So, I am wondering what we are going to be able to wear when we aren’t in school. They can’t make us wear uniforms the entire time do you think. My mom said they sent a list of what clothes we are supposed to bring. I hate that she went out and got them, with my luck she’ll buy me pink poodle pajamas or something. I wonder what it is going to be like in Washington. I’ve been to Seattle, but is Eastern Washington like that? I certainly think that it is going to be different than here in California. I hope that there is sun. I keep hearing about all the rain in Seattle, or is that Portland? Well, I hope it doesn’t rain too much there. I wonder what the classes are going to be like. I hope that there are other kids in Pre-calculus. Will I be one of the youngest? I hate being so young. But one thing I am going to do is try to graduate early. That is the best way for me to get going on my degree. Just think, once you’re 18 and I’m in college, we can talk all the time. You will write to me right?”Please say yes. I don’t think I can handle this all if you don’t say yes to writing .

Willow grabbed her most favorite pair of jeans, her tore up sneakers and a tee-shirt. She knew that this outfit would enrage her mother, and she couldn’t wait to see her face. If her mother was going to make her this mad, she would do the same for her. Willow was folding her hoodie, when she got an idea. She grabbed a sweater out of her bag, and picked up the hoodie again. She walked toward Tara’s bed.

“Tara, I…I am pretty sure that…that…this is not going to be part of the allowed clothing, and my parents have always hated this thing. Would you keep it for me until we get together again? I know that you will keep it safe, feel free to wear it if you want too.”

“A..a…are y…y…you s…s..sure ?” stuttered Tara.

“Positive, I can’t think of anyone else I would trust with it, and plus, I don’t really need it anymore, I have you. Knowing that you are in this world provides me with as much security as I could ever need.”

Willow watched Tara bury her face into the hoodie, a look of pleasure came over her face. She’s hugging that sweatshirt to her chest, I wish it was me. “Don’t let anyone see that you have my hoodie. I am sure that they’d have some problem with you having it.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll keep it safe. If you are worried, you don’t have to give it to me?”

“Nope, I want you to have it. If it gets confiscated, then I’ll get another one for you. I’m just giving it to you to remember me by.”

“Will, how could I ever forget you. I don’t need anything to remember you by, but I really appreciate you trusting me with your most treasured object.”

Tara lay back down on her bed, the hoodie tucked under her pillow. Willow continued to pack up her remaining stuff, every few minutes looking at the goddess in the next bed. She looks so beautiful, put this into your memory bank Rosenberg. Willow finally finished packing just as it was lights out time. As soon as the staff did their first check, Willow switched her self from the head of her bed to the foot. Tara was doing the same thing, and they immediately took each other’s hands.

Willow was surprised when she heard Tara say, “Fuck it.”

shit, she’s already giving up, you knew this was too good to be true. Willow pulled her hands away, “What? You don’t want to hold hands?”

“No…No…” Tara said trying to grab Willow’s hands again. “I want to hold more than your hands. This may be the last night we are ever together. I don’t want my stupid fear of breaking rules to get in the way of an opportunity to be with you.”

“Be with me?” said Willow Oh my God, Oh my God, she’s suggesting we break the rules…be with me… AHHHH I’ve been thinking about it, but not wanting to stress her out due to the rules, now she’s suggesting it. Willow figured she must have looked aghast, because the blond quickly said, “N…N…no….I didn’t mean that… I meant just getting to cuddle with you. Not that I think the idea of BEING with you is bad...but we haven’t even kissed or cuddled…”

“Yeah. I believe that someday we will both be and BE together, but for now…snuggling would be great. But what if we get caught?”

“We are not going to get caught. There has got to be a good thing about you being so skinny and me not being skinny. We put stuff in your bed to look like you are in it, you get in my bed against the wall, so my body is blocking anyone from seeing you. Nobody will know you are here rather than there.”

“Sounds like you have thought this out a lot.” as have I, but never really figured it out,

“Um…yeah, I guess I have.”

“Why didn’t you suggest it sooner?”

“The chance that we would get caught, I didn’t want to chance losing what we had.”

“Makes sense, so I’ll put my pillows and clothes under the covers, and make it look like I am sleeping with the covers over my head…”

“Great.”

Willow quietly moved her stuff to make the bed look occupied; then Tara made room for Willow in the bed beside her. Willow quickly got into the bed, and snuggled down so that her head was level with Tara’s neck. she is so beautiful, and she smells even nicer close up . Willow’s body began to shake uncontrollably. shit, shit shit, why does this damn shaking keep happening when I get in bed with a girl. Maybe she won’t notice.

“Sweetie, are you ok?” Tara put her hand on Willow’s cheek. “You are shaking.”

“Yeah, great,” whispered Willow. “I don’t know why I am shaking so hard.”

“D...d..do you n…n…not w..w..want to be doing this?”

“Definitely not, this is totally what I want to be doing…or really this is what I want to be doing.” Willow put her lips on Tara’s lips and kissed her gently.

Her lips feel so soft, just like I suspected. I think she just said Wow. She’s closing the distance, her mouth it’s kinda open, her tongue…I think I could die happy right now. this kiss was interrupted by Tara whispering, “Are you ok?”

“Wonderful, you?” sighed Willow.

“Y…y…you are shaking.”

“I know. I can’t stop. Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about. Just wanted to make sure you are ok, you’re not having a heart attack or something.”

“If I did, I’d die happy, but I promise you that it is not a heart attack. This happened before… but it wasn’t …it wasn’t…I don’t know what it wasn’t, but what this is, is good.”

The two girls heard the staff member checking the rooms, Willow scooted down and pasted herself against the bed, Tara remained on her side, sheltering Willow from the flashlight beam. Tara could sense the light pass onto Willow’s bed, but it quickly left and the staff member moved onto another room.

Willow let out the breath that she was holding and began to giggle. Tara covered her giggling mouth with her lips, calming her down a little. The two started to lightly caress each other’s necks, and ears. Willow’s hand began touching Tara’s chest and she immediately felt the girl tense up.

shit, you scared her, pushy much Rosenberg, maybe she just wants to kiss, no touching, I didn’t mean to touch her there. “Sorry, didn’t mean to do that?” said Willow, sensing the change in her friend’s demeanor.

“N..N..No it is alright. It’s just….um…it’s just that…”

“It didn’t feel good?”

“N…n…no. Um…it just…umm…”

“Shush, it is alright. “ Willow put her finger on Tara’s lip, “I won’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”

“It’s not that…it’s….oh Willow….there is so much I want to tell you, but I can’t.”

“Well, just so you know I am here when you are ready to tell me. I can wait. It is ok.”

Tara started to cry, the sobs rolling through her noiselessly. Willow just hugged the larger girl, whispering ‘it’s ok’” and holding her until she stopped crying. Once it stopped, Tara yawned. “I am sorry”.

“Don’t be sorry, Tara. Don’t ever be sorry for having feelings. You are tired, as much as I’d love to fall asleep here, I know I can’t both because my shaking body won’t let me, and because I am too afraid that we will get caught. I should probably go back to my own bed.”

“I don’t want you to, but I know that you are right.” Tara moved so that Willow could go back to her bed.

The two were silent for a few moments. Wow, that was greater than good. Not the whole tense up thing, but the kissing. She smells so good, I wish that there was some way I could have something that smells like her to take with me. I could buy some of her shampoo, but it wouldn’t have the Willow smell to it. Maybe I should ask for a tee-shirt, or something…but that would be weird… Does this make us girfriends, we kissed and hugged, I wonder if she even wants to be my girlfriend…. “Tara?”

“Yeah, Will?”

“I have two questions.”

“Yeah?”

“The first is…it is going to sound silly...well they both may sound silly…”

“Go on, anything you ask is ok.”

“Can we be girlfriends? Can I consider you my girlfriend?”

“Yeah, Will. I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.”

“The second question is even sillier.”

“Go…go for it”

“Um…could I…um…could I have one of your tee shirts to take with me? Preferably one that smells like you.”

“Sure.” Tara wordlessly got up, went to her dresser, peeled off her nightshirt, put on another tee-shirt and gave the nightshirt to Willow”

“Ah Tara, this is perfect. It smells just like your shampoo. I’d been planning to buy some of the shampoo so I’d feel like I was near you, but this is even better. Thank you sweetie.”

“When you get out, and you can get to it, you’ll write to me right?” asked Willow.

“Yes I will, I promise, just remember that it might be awhile. Even if you don’t hear from me, doesn’t mean I am not thinking about you.”

“I really hope this works out.”

“Me too” said the blond.

They were silent for a few more minutes and Willow heard Tara, “Willow?”

She moved her body back to their usual holding hands position, “Yes.”

“I..I…I r..r..really w..w..want to be your g..g..girlfriend, but if you find someone who you like better at school…go for it…Ok? I’ll always be your friend…but I’m sure that you could find someone better than me to go out with.”

“Listen, I couldn’t get a better girlfriend than you, but the same goes for you. If someone sweeps you off your feet, we’ll still be friends. I really want to keep up our relationship even if I have to settle for friendship…”

“It’s gonna be hard isn’t it.”

“Probably, but we are strong, we’ve survived this much, we can survive more. Can we just fall asleep this way, maybe they won’t notice.”

“Sure, what do we have to lose?”

Willow stayed awake, listening to her new girlfriend fall asleep. Once she was asleep, Willow got her notebook and began her first letter to Tara. After a few more hours, Finally she drifted off, to be awoken early by a staff member banging on the door to tell her that her parents were already here. The banging woke up Tara as well, so after Willow did her hygiene, Tara followed. While Tara was out of the room, Willow slipped the note under Tara’s pillow. Willow began putting her belongings on the cart that was used for this type of thing. Trying to wait long enough to say goodbye to her roommate, when Tara came in, she enveloped her in a big hug, subtly kissing her neck and whispering, “Till we meet again.”

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Meeting Expectations


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/26/09)
PostPosted: Mon Oct 26, 2009 11:22 am 
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Yay for great update-y goodness... I truly hope that when the girls meet again they have managed to process their problems...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/26/09)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 11:38 am 
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Wow, this is a really great fic. I hope there is an update, cuz i can't wait to see tara's dad get his ass royally kicked (gotta happen) and willow and tara get together outside of the school places.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/29/09)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 12:00 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:33 pm
Posts: 469
Location: North Carolina, USA
Zampsa1975: It is always so good to see your comments. You don't know how much it means to me to see someone has taken the time to tell me they read it.

AmberGoddess: The wait may be somewhat long, I can't promise ass kicking (though I'll think about it ;-) ). Thanks for reading and I'm glad you like it.


Title: Meeting Expectations

Author: TaranWillow4Ever

Rating: PG for now

Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters; I just imagine other lives for them.

Spoilers: None

Feedback: Please, I am playing with POV, sorry to those who don't like inconsistency.

Thoughts in italics.

Part 25

Tara had not experienced such an overwhelming sadness since her mother had died. She felt like a part of her had been ripped away leaving a gigantic hole inside her. She attempted to keep the tears at bay as Willow left, but a lot of them slipped out leaving their trails along her face. She tried to get herself together before she went outside to go to breakfast, but her sadness was evident to her friends. Tara could sense nonverbal communication occurring among the other girls of her group, but didn’t have the energy to acknowledge it. After a few moments, Faith plopped down next to her and nudged her with her hip, “Move over Blondie, why the long face? You missing Red already?”

Tara tried to laugh at the darker girl’s use of her nicknames for the two of them; but it was just too hard for her to muster the energy. She just smiled and looked back down at her breakfast. Tara could now imagine why Willow sometimes didn’t want to eat, the food looked overwhelming and disgusting. She continued staring at the food and trying to listen a little to the banter between her peers. She was rescued by Dr. Holt coming to get her for therapy, so she didn’t have to face the morning meeting or her peers.

Tara walked to the therapy room with Dr. Holt and sat down in her usual seat. There is so much that I would like to tell her, but what about the ramifications, what she will say, will she tell someone who will tell my dad. Who really cares… Tara sighed.

“What is the matter?”

“Nothing,” replied Tara looking down at her feet and trying not to cry.

“Um…you can treat me like a mushroom if you want, but it is not going to help you any.”

“Huh?”

“You can keep me in the dark, and feed me manure, but it won’t help.”

Tara couldn’t help but smile a little bit at the picture of the woman sitting in a dark basement in manure. “What I say here is confidential right?”

“Well, as long as it isn’t about you hurting someone or you being hurt.”

“So what I say, you don’t go back to the treatment team and tell them.”

“Usually not, if I feel like I need to, I’ll tell you. Is there something you want to tell me?”

“What about if I tell you I broke a rule? Will you rat me out and give me a consequence?”

“It all depends, if it has to do with you hurting someone…”

“No, I mean one of the other rules.”

“Well, I certainly won’t give you a consequence, but I may encourage you to report it yourself.”

“How bout telling my community? What if I tell you something that I don’t want anyone else to know, and it doesn’t have to do with physical safety?”

“Tara, why don’t you just get what is bothering you off your chest.”

“I need you to promise that you won’t tell my dad.”

“Well, he is not your guardian, so I probably don’t need to tell him.”

“Promise?”

“I promise that if I feel like I have to tell him, I’ll tell you first.”

“I guess that will work.”

There was a long pause, Tara saw Dr. Holt looking at her expectantly. She took a deep breath I can do this I can do this. No I can’t….Come on. What is the worst thing that can happen, she’ll freak, but she also seems to be cool and she hasn’t done anything to show me that she isn’t trustworthy. But is this issue what I want to check that fact on? UGH… She let the breath out.

“Wow, Tara it seems that what you want to tell me is really hard.”

“Uh, huh.”

“Would it help if I asked you questions?”

“Maybe” said Tara very quietly.

“Ok, does it have to do with something here at the Maples or at home?”

“Here.”

“Does it have to do with a peer, a staff member, or neither?”

“A peer, or she used to be a peer.” way to go Maclay, that wasn’t too obvious. Tara blushed.

“Willow?”

“Yes.”

“What about her?”

Tara was frozen with fear, she’d been able to be ok with what had happened within the room, but outside of it, the fears were overwhelming. She started to cry.

“Did Willow do something to hurt you?” said the doctor with a concerned sound in her voice.

“Oh no. sniff, She’d never do anything, sniff, to me.”

“So why are you crying.”

“I miss her so much already, and it has only been a few hours.”

“You guys were really close friends it is hard when people leave.”

“Dr. we got more than close, we got…I fell….we…”

“Just try to say it.”

“Willow and I…um…w..w..were…a…a..are I mean…I REALLY like her.”

“She was a very sweet girl.”

“No Dr. Holt, I really LIKE her” Tara placed the emphasis on the word “like” a little more.

“Like’ you mean romantically like?”

Tara nodded her head and resumed looking at her feet.

“Did she know that?”

“Yes.”

“Did she reciprocate?”

Tara nodded her head in the affirmative and looked down. Shit, here it comes; she’s going to tell everyone, I feel like I am going to implode. I wanna cut so bad…I hate these feelings. Tara looked down at the one clear scar on her arm.

“Feeling like cutting?”

“Huh?” said Tara shook out of her head by the question.

“You are looking at your wrist, thinking about cutting?”

“How did you know?”

“Practice. So why are you wanting to get rid of the pain? ‘cause she left, ‘cause you feel guilty, ‘cause it brings stuff up?”

Tara nodded again.

“Which one?”

“All of them sort of…it hurts so much that she left and I’ll probably never see her again, I don’t really feel guilty because what I feel for her can’t be wrong despite all the antihomosexual teachings I’ve heard. It brings up all my thoughts and feelings about religion and sexuality.

“How will cutting help?”

“It will make me feel numb; it will make the pain more bearable.”

“Will it really?” asked the doctor.

“Yes…no…I don’t know. It’s just a way to deal with these feelings. They feel overwhelming.”

“Can you tell which of the feelings is the strongest?”

“I…I…I think that it is the feeling of loss and sadness. I really don’t feel like we did anything wrong…well…you aren’t going to tell all the staff is you? Please don’t.”

“What is there to tell? I don’t announce the other girl’s attractions to boys, why would I report yours?”

“It’s wrong. It’s against the rules.”

“Being attracted isn’t against the rules, acting on it is? Did you two act on it?”

Tara couldn’t look Dr. Holt in the face. She was a rule abiding kid and she felt somewhat guilty for breaking the rules, but mostly felt happy that she’d gotten to kiss and touch Willow.

“Tara.”

“What?” said Tara still not looking at the doctor.

“Were you and Willow having sex in your room?”

Tara’s eyes bugged out of her head, “No, ma’am.”

“So what happened?”

“Well…um…we held hands a lot…but that wasn’t listed in the rule book for things roommates couldn’t do. That’s all we did until….until….last night we cuddled and kissed.”

“Just last night?”

“Uh huh, I didn’t want to break the rules, but I just needed to hold her once. I just couldn’t not do it.”

“Hum…”

Tara looked at the woman, wondering what she was going to say. Shit, shit, shit, she’s going to tell on me, and if it gets out then someone will tell my social worker, and then it will be in my file, Daddy will find out and he’ll kill me.

“Ok. So Tara is this the first time you were attracted to a girl?”

“You are not going to lecture me about the rules; you are not going to tell everyone about it?”

“How would that help you? It sounds like you made a choice, you knew that you could get caught; you didn’t get caught; you are talking about it in therapy. What’s to tell?”

“Really?” said Tara amazed.

“Really, not that I am condoning breaking the rules, and I ask you not to do it again, but I can understand why you made the decision to do it. You were attracted to Willow; you wanted to be close to her. What is it about Willow that you liked?”

“She’s beautiful, and smart, and kind, and wonderful, and nice…she says nice things to me…her smile lit up my life…she was supportive of me…she shared stuff with me…she made my heart go crazy…I just think that she is the best person I have ever met other than my mom, but it is a different kind of love.”

“You sound pretty smitten.”

Tara smiled at the use of the old fashioned word, “Yup, smitten is a good word.”

“Does she know you love her?”

“Um…I think so, but we didn’t say it. The “L” word holds a lot of meaning for both of us, so we didn’t use it.”

“So do you think Willow would want you to cut over her leaving?”

“No…I promised that I wouldn’t. But the urge is so strong.”

“Tara, do you have something that you can cut with?”

Tara refused to look at the therapist; she knew that if she did the fact that she had it would we evident.

“Tara,” Said the therapist more forcefully, “Do you have something in your room that you’d like to give me so that it won’t be a temptation?”

Tara looked at the therapist. I sort of want to give it up so it won’t be a temptation, but I feel so lost without something that I can cut with. If I give it to her, I’ll have to admit that I have cut while I was here? It was very hard for Tara to decide. Dr. Holt remained quiet, looking at Tara expectantly.

“Want to give you…No, should give you, yes.”

“If we stop by your room on the way to school, will you give it to me?”

Tara nodded again She was not able to verbally affirm that she would hand it in.

“Are you going to tell staff that I had something?”

“I’ll have to tell them, but I’ll try to focus on the fact that you gave it up.”

“Can you try to keep them from searching my room? I just don’t think I could survive watching them go through all my stuff. I promise I’ll give you all the stuff.”

“We’ll see. So did you and Willow make plans to get together again?”


“Well, hopefully we can find each other once we are out of here and older. We’ve vowed to stay in touch. I know it is a pipe dream, but I really think that what we have is special. I am sure that you’ve heard millions of kids say the same thing, but I think we are different, I think we really might be soul mates.”

“Soul mates, that is pretty major. Have you ever felt this way before? Had a crush on another girl?”

“This is not a crush doc, but yes I have, but never anything this intense.”

“Well, I guess time will tell. Oh, I almost forgot, I was supposed to tell you that your dad has court in two days. We have sent a recommendation that we think you would benefit from continued treatment, and that we recommend that DSS remain your physical custodian, but it is always a crap shoot with the courts.”

Tara’s demeanor immediately fell, “Thanks for telling me doc; I don’t want to leave here yet.”

“Well, we’ll try to keep you here, Ok?”

“Ok.”

Dr. Holt got up and Tara followed her to her room. She turned in the paper clip that was inside her Bible, as well as, a few other pieces of metal she had collected.

“Is this all?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Ok, I’ll try to discourage them from searching your room. But I’m going to have the nurse check you. If there are any new cuts, it will be searched.

“Ok.”

The doctor walked Tara to class. Tara’s heart dropped when she saw Willow’s seat unoccupied. it is going to be a long time without her

That night, Tara lay on her bed and took Willow’s sweatshirt out of her pillowcase and put her head down on it. As she did this, a piece of notebook paper fell out.

Dear Tara,
I am writing this first letter to you while we are still together. You are sleeping so peacefully, but occasionally I hear you whimper and say ‘no’. I so wish that you would share these dreams and nightmares with me. I want to be there to hold you though them. I’ve wanted to do that even before I realized how strong of feelings I have for you. Tara, I have never felt this way about another human being in my life. I’ve always spent a lot of time reading, and not a lot of time with other people; in fact, I really didn’t like to be around other people. I always wondered what all the stories about love were about. I didn’t think that I would ever feel anything even close to what the writers described, until I met you. I can now understand caring for someone so much that you would want to take their pain away. How the pain of another can hurt you just as acutely as your own pain, or even worse. I know that you have kept a lot of secrets from me and everyone else; I just want you to know that I’m willing to hear the secrets and I’d rather die than tell. I hope with time, you will trust me. I don’t mean to be putting pressure on you.

Tara, I don’t think you realize what a wonderful beautiful person you are. You look and act like an angel, and sometimes I worry that you are one and that by leaving you I am losing you, but I’ve got to believe that I will find you again. It means so much to me that you were willing to risk the rules. I am so glad that we were able to kiss, so I have the taste of you to remember. I never realized that a kiss could be so wonderful, your kiss made me tingle from my head to my toes. I care about you so much and wish that I didn’t have to leave.

I think that you feel the same way about me, I hope so. I want to be there (or here) for you forever. I want to grow old with you; I want to take care of you and to allow you to take care of me. They say that I am incapable of relationships that my past has scarred me for life, but I believe that you are the person that can heal the scar. I have faith in us. I know we can survive this. Please keep in touch, even if it is to just say hi. I don’t want to put a burden on you, if you find someone who makes you happy, don’t let it go, but remember that I will always be your friend.

You are so beautiful sleeping in your bed. I could watch you forever. I don’t know how I am going to learn to sleep without the sound of your breathing. Knowing that you are in the world will help, but I think I will feel a loss until the day that we are able to see each other again.

Yours, Willow.

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Meeting Expectations


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/29/09)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 1:42 pm 
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19. Yummy Face
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Yay for great update-y goodness... Good that Tara opened up to Dr. Holt. I truly hope Dr. Holt manages to keep Tara away from her dad... I really liked Willow's letter, I hope Tara soon sends a reply to Willow...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/29/09)
PostPosted: Thu Oct 29, 2009 2:27 pm 
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In the last few updates I have become very impressed with the therapist (Dr. Holt). She is doing a really trustworthy job of getting the girls's trust and helping them at the same time. I sure hope Tara's dad can't get back custody.

Willow's letter was lovely.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/29/09)
PostPosted: Fri Oct 30, 2009 11:41 am 
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5. Willowhand
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I love Willow's letter, it's touching. I think I kinda like the therapist- not a bitch like some I know. I'm also glad Tara is starting to get over the cutting, and that Willow is helping her with that. Can't wait for updates!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/2/2009)
PostPosted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 6:35 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:33 pm
Posts: 469
Location: North Carolina, USA
Title: Meeting Expectations

Author: TaranWillow4Ever

Rating: PG for now

Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.

Spoilers: None; Totally AU

Feedback: Please, I am playing with POV, sorry to those who don't like inconsistency.

Note: This story contains elements of abuse - physical and emotional, that are either eluded to if not outright described. If anything of this sort bothers you, then please do not read this story

Thoughts in italics.

Part 26

It had been a long ride from The Maples to her new school. The drive had been very quiet with her mother trying to fill the space with inane prattling about how wonderful she imagined boarding school to be and how she wanted Willow to take advantage of all of the opportunities that were provided for her. Her mother especially focused on their promise to make Willow into a “fine young lady.” Willow had perfected the art of ignoring her mother in ways that seemed to drive Sheila crazy. Willow wondered how her father managed to so efficiently to keep out of the fray. Willow did not speak much to her father either, because she was still feeling betrayed by Ira for making her go to the school.

As soon as Willow got settled into her dorm room, Willow began her first letter to Tara.

Dear Tara,
It hasn’t been even a day, and I already miss you so much. The ride with my parents was unbearable and I was actually glad when we finally got here and I could get rid of them. I guess one of the positives of not living at home is that I don’t have to worry about dealing with parents. I met the house parents of my cottage, and they seem to be nice. They are an older hippie couple. My mother’s eyes almost fell out of her face when they were not the kind of prim and proper people that she had expected. She was less taken aback by the head mistress who I swear took her cues from old horror films. Really, she looks like the prototypical headmistress. I figure if I just stay out of her way, then it won’t be a problem. And that is what I plan to do, my mom lectured me for almost an hour about how important it was that I didn’t tell anyone about my history of unnatural urges and threatened that if I succumbed to them at the school that there would be hell to play. Little does she know that I have no intention of engaging in any of these urges while I am here because I already have a girlfriend, you.

I don’t think you know how hard it was to leave you today. I cried for almost an hour and I could tell that my father was getting upset about it. He kept telling me that it wasn’t going to be that bad to go to boarding school. My clueless parents, they can’t even tell the difference between crying for sadness and crying for fear. Sometimes I think they are the ones that should have been put in an institution to learn about feelings, not me. Well, someone just knocked on my door and told me it was time for dinner. I’ll finish this letter later. Willow.

Hey Again
I forgot to tell you that one of good things about this place is that every room has its own computer and you are allowed to use the internet as long as you don’t try to go to any blocked sites. Little do they know that I am a hacker, so I am sure that I will be able to get past any blocks they try to do. I already checked, obviously that I can get to the Sunnyville website, so it shouldn’t be a problem for us to write to each other.

The first few days of classes weren’t too bad. Once I “prove” to them that I can behave in their school, I can start going to the community college to take classes, because they don’t have any of the classes I need at the local high school. I am going to be a part of something called an early college program. It seems that if I stay here, by the time I am 17, I can transfer to a 4 year college as a junior. They quicker I get through high school, I figure the quicker I can get more freedom. Hopefully with freedom, we can find each other again. I guess they were told that I was some super genius, so the teachers keep telling me about how they want to make sure that I am learning as much as I can. We eat in our cottages, so the house parents are watching me eat, and there are the usual rules about me using the bathroom after meals and everything. I know I promised you that I’d eat, and I am going to keep that promise. I hope you are doing a good job not cutting. I know it is hard, but we can do it.

The other kids seem pretty nice. A few of them feel frustrated by the dress code too. We don’t have to keep our uniforms on at home, which is a relief. Still, it is so hard having to wear a skirt. Initially I got some weird looks at my combat boots, but they were the only black shoes that I had. My mom sent some other ones that kind of look like loafers. Fortunately, we are not allowed to wear heels, so I don’t have to worry about her getting me ugly pumps. There are about 100 kids in 15 cottages. The youngest kids are about nine and the oldest are probably 19. The girls in my cottage are between 13 and 19. There are a lot more boys here than girls, and the cottages are single sex. There are probably at least two boys for every girl here. I haven’t gotten to know many of the kids in my cottage, but from some of the comments they make, a bunch of them are here for problems similar to Anya’s. Supposedly we will be having some sort of “family meeting” a couple times a week, and I have to go to an eating disorder’s group, and an adoption group. I met the chick who is going to be my individual therapist. She’s nothing like Dr. Holt. She seems pretty stupid. I really miss you, and hope that you get to write soon.
Willow.


Hey Tara,

I guess you are still stuck at the Maples or had to go home. I sure hope that it is the first, not the last. I worry about you. It is really hard knowing that we’re going to be apart from each other so long. Oh, Happy Birthday. I really wish that I could have spent it with you. The other girls keep asking me if I have a boyfriend or if I like any of the guys in our classes. They look at me funny when I say no. There is another girl who I think may be gay too. She’s kind of shy and I see her look away whenever they start asking questions. I am trying to keep a low profile and just volunteer as little information as possible. I think some of them think I am stuck up or something. But there really isn’t anyone who I want to get to know. I thought that I would be able to write more, but there really isn’t much to say. I’ve been thinking a lot about you and miss you terribly. Willow.



Willow had been at the Boarding School for almost two months when she came back to her room to find a letter on her bed. The envelope said the Meadows, and the return address said Dr. Holt. On the flap, was a signature and it said personal and confidential, protected information. Willow wondered what Dr. Holt could possibly want to tell her that required this level of secrecy, but was pleasantly surprised to see that the letter was really from Tara.

Dear Willow,
I am sorry that it has taken so long to write to you. I haven’t been able to get to a computer, so I thought of this. My dad got custody of me right after my 16th birthday. So I haven’t been able to get out very much since then. Just like he promised he immediately pulled me out of school, so I pretty much am stuck in the house.
I didn’t understand why Dr. Holt gave me several stamped envelopes as a going away present, but maybe this was her intention. I don’t know. I am planning to mail this letter when he brings me to the grocery store to buy the personal items I need. He says he just can’t be seen buying that stuff, so I guess that I’ll get out at least a few times. I wasn’t sure if they read your mail, so that is why I did all the personal and confidential. I figured that you’d at least know it if they opened it and read it.

I’ve missed you a lot. It just wasn’t the same without you. Buffy and Faith tried to keep my spirits up, but I felt really sad up until the day I left. Being here isn’t too bad. I like getting to see my mom’s pictures, and I get a chance to read some when I’ve done all of my chores. The other ladies of the church sometimes come around and talk to me too. It just feels like dad is always watching. I am so happy that I was able to keep this letter secret and send it to you. As I told you before, he’d kill me if he ever found out about us.

Things have been a little better since I got home. I am still in DSS custody, so my social worker comes to see me at least once a month. I just want you to remember that I still care a lot about you and my lack of letter writing isn’t due to not caring, it is due to not getting a chance. I am going to try to convince Daddy to let me go to the library at least a month, so maybe I can get on the computer there.
Please take care of yourself, and remember to eat. If I don’t get to talk to you again, have a great birthday and holiday season. Love Tara.

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Meeting Expectations


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/2/2009)
PostPosted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 6:55 am 
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19. Yummy Face
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Yay for good update-y goodness... Stupid authorities to give Tara back to his bastard father... I truly hope that when she's 18 she leaves her father and goes back to school...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/2/2009)
PostPosted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 10:49 am 
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5. Willowhand
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Poor Tara. She seems far too optimistic, I'd probably be crawling the walls in her place, but then again, thats just me. Can't wait for an update!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/2/2009)
PostPosted: Mon Nov 02, 2009 6:22 pm 
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32. Kisses and Gay Love
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Well it sounds like Willow's school situation may turn out very well for her. The fact that she can attend college courses is quite nice. I hope it continues to go well.

But I don't like that Tara's been returned to her dad. I wonder if she could have kept out of his house if she had told the truth. I'm worried for what will happen next.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/4/2009)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:25 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs

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Title: Meeting Expectations

Author: TaranWillow4Ever

Rating: PG for now

Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.

Spoilers: None; Totally AU

Feedback: Please, I am playing with POV, sorry to those who don't like inconsistency.

Note: This story contains elements of abuse - physical and emotional, that are either eluded to if not outright described. If anything of this sort bothers you, then please do not read this story

Thoughts in italics.



Dear Tara, It’s been a long time since I’ve heard from you. I go onto your email account and clean out your spam every once in awhile. I am guessing from the fact that there is really no mail, that you are not using it. I continue to think about you. School is going pretty good, I’ve started the college classes and they are really interesting. I’ve made a few friends, but nobody as nice as you. Hope you can get to a computer or mailbox soon. It is really hard being without you this Valentine ’s Day. Just remember, whenever you get this that it is a Valentine ’s Day card. ♥♥♥Willow. ♥♥



Dear Tara, I miss you a lot. It is really hard not to know what is going on with you. Sometimes I wonder if you are just ignoring me or if you really are so sheltered that you don’t have access to technology. I hope it is the second. I cleaned out your Spam folder again. I check this account weekly, and hope that soon, there is something from you. I am getting to go home to my parents Passover. I am not as angry at them anymore. This boarding school is perfect for me. I guess I just wasn’t made for living in a traditional family. Hopefully our dreams will come true and we can develop our own family. Well, Happy Spring Holidays. Willow



Dear Tara: I am starting to wonder if this is just hopeless, that I am writing to an empty mail box. Maybe I am being stupid. Maybe you aren’t trapped at home and have just moved on with your life. I wish that I could just get a little notice from you to tell me if I should wait or move on. It gets really hard. My parents are sending me on a two month trip to Israel. We are going to do community service projects and see all of the sights. We are also going to spend a week in Egypt. I really look forward to seeing the pyramids. I wish that I had an address for you so I could send you post cards. Willow.



Dear Tara, I hope you are doing well, and are moving on with your life. I am starting to think maybe it is time to move on myself. I really want to wait for you, but am having difficulties struggling with my friend’s feedback that I can’t pine for you forever. I think in my heart that we will get back together, but my head sometimes makes me wonder. I so wish that I could get some message from you. I lay at night thinking about you and trying to send messages over the universe, but I guess they don’t work. There have been a few girls that have tried to hook up with me, and it is getting harder and harder to say no. It seems that everyone has a boyfriend or girlfriend, and I feel sort of lonely being the one without one. Every time I get close to letting myself fall into a relationship, I think about you and how I wouldn’t want to hurt you. Tara, I need to move on. I don’t think I can wait until find each other to have a relationship. Hopefully we can stay friends. I will keep up checking your email account until either I see that you are using it, or it just gets so long that it is ridiculous. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to fully give up. Can you believe that it has been over a year since we saw each other? Take Care, Willow.

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Meeting Expectations


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/4/2009)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 7:33 am 
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19. Yummy Face
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Yay for good update-y goodness... I truly hope Tara answer's Willow before Willow does something...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/4/2009)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 04, 2009 8:03 am 
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5. Willowhand
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I hope that Tara reads her emails soon
it's been almost a year since they saw each other?
that means it has been like 10 months since Willow has heard from Tara
I really hope Tara is okay
and that doesn't mean something happened to her
can't wait for the next update
hope it's soon

Ash :peace


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/4/2009)
PostPosted: Thu Nov 05, 2009 6:23 am 
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5. Willowhand
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Location: Hmm... Don't you wish you knew?
Poor Willow... So sad. I hope Tara's okay.

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I am the Queen of Mosquitoes personified, feel my annoying wrath! ~Willow, The Rose

False Euphoria ~~~ Eternity Again


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