The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated Sept 14)
PostPosted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 10:29 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:33 pm
Posts: 475
Location: North Carolina, USA
Chapter 13
Tara was surprised when Dr. Holt came to get her out of class again the next morning. When she had woken up that morning, one of the positive things she had commented to herself was that at least it was an off therapy day. It took so much energy to keep all of her secrets in check, that having to be in the presences of someone who was actively trying to get her to disclose them was very stressful. Well, at least she didn’t get me out of English this time, but she is interfering with my math with Willow. I feel like it is one of the only times I don’t feel awkward with the girl.

The two were walking down the hallway, and Dr. Holt said, “I know you don’t want to miss school, Tara, but I am going to be out of the office for the next few days and felt that it was important to touch base with you before I left. I know that you are going to be put on the hot seat soon to explain why you are here, and I wanted to see if I could help you formulate your answer, also your first community meeting is coming up the day I come back, so I wanted to get a better feel for your father before I meet him”

“Whatever,” replied Tara with a much more flippant adolescent attitude than she usually presented to adults. shit, my father is going to be here.

“I sense that you are not so happy that I came to get you. Why not, other than the reasons I just stated.”

“Do you honestly want to know?”

“Yes, I would.”

The two entered the therapy room and they both sat down in their familiar spots.

“Well, one I look forward to math and working with Willow. It is one of the only times I don’t feel really intimidated by her brilliance. Two, in my head I wasn’t planning on having therapy, and sometimes I don’t deal too well with my internal schedule being disrupted. Three, I am NOT looking forward to talking about myself in front of the group. I don’t like talking about it one on one, why would I want to tell a bunch of strangers about my problems and four, I didn’t know my father was going to be coming to my meetings.”

“Wow, I think that that was the most you have ever said so far.”

“Well, don’t get accustomed to it.”

“You are sounding really angry.”

“I guess” shut the fuck up Maclay. Not supposed to talk to her remember.

“So let’s take these problems one at a time… Math. Why do you feel like Willow is more brilliant than you? You are both really bright.”

“Come on Doc, you and I both know that Willow is a freaking genius. The teachers keep making snide comments about it.”

“According to your teachers, you are no slouch either. I think that it is just known that Willow is a genius because she has been tested. You've never been tested, so we don't know your IQ. Would it help if I referred you for testing?" Dr, Holt paused, "You guys room together, does she intimidate you in your room too.”

“N…n…no, we get along fine. She is really nice, Don't tell her that you really like her, it will end up making them move her. "'I…I…never mind.”

“What were you going to say?”

“I wouldn’t have said never mind if I wanted to tell you,” snipped Tara.

“Ok, let’s just move on. Tell me about why you don’t like to have your internal schedule changed.”

“I don’t know. I just don’t. “

“What has happened when you didn’t know what was scheduled?”

Tara realized she was feeling really irritable and decided that the best way to get the stupid session over with was to just get the lady to focus on planning for the meetings.

“Listen, Doc. You said that you’re real reason for getting me was to plan for the two meetings. How ‘bout we start with planning for my dad. First, I didn’t think that he was going to be coming to these meetings. When they took custody of me, he said clearly that I was their problem now.”

“Your dad sees you as a problem? What do you do to cause problems for your dad?”

“Live.”

“What?”

“Never mind, pass.”

“Tara, we’ve got to talk about this stuff eventually, unless you want to stay here forever.”

“It’s not that bad here.”

“So what was so bad about being at home?”

“Nothing”

“So why would you want to stay here?”

“I don’t.”

“I thought you just said you did.”

“No I didn’t, if you listened, you would have heard me say that it isn’t that bad.”

“You don’t feel like I am listening to you?”

“No… I know you are listening to me, and you are just trying to do your job. But you just don't understand...has anyone told you what to expect from my dad?”

“No, I don’t think anyone has met him. Tell me about him.”

“Well, he’s about 6’4” I guess weighs about 250. He’s got grey eyes and hair. He is a manual laborer but is also the pastor of our church. He is what people call a “God fearing man.”

“You say that like it is something bad.”

“No…it is just that he takes some parts of the Bible really seriously, but others he seems to gloss right over, I think that he’s sometimes a hypocrite.”

“About what in particular?”

“Nothing, it is not important.”

“Going to shut down again ,Tara?”

Tara looked at the therapist and realized that this woman was able to read her too well.

“You know I can’t protect you from him if you don’t tell me what he did.”

“I don't need any protection....He didn’t do anything.”

“I have a real hard time believing that. Kids don’t just decide to start cutting themselves for no good reason.”

“Well, I did. None of it is his fault. I am just a good for nothing.”

“Where did you get that message?”

“I don’t know. It’s always been that way. I’m a girl. Girls are descendents of Eve, they are evil. “

“Evil?”

“You know what I mean.”

“Do you believe that?”

“No. My Mama was the opposite of Evil, she was so good, and nice and caring.” Tara felt that she was starting to tear up.

“It’s hard to talk about your mom?”

“Yes… no…I don’t know.”

“Well, we need to talk about your Mom and her death too in therapy, you know. So what do you think that you dad is going to say at the meeting?”

“He won’t say much, but his non verbal messages will speak strongly. I hope there are some men in the room, ‘cause he has absolutely no respect for women. He might quote some Bible verses, and he will most likely try to convince you that I don’t belong here, that you should just send me home with him.”

“We couldn’t do that, he doesn’t have custody of you.”

“Thank the Goddess.”

“Goddess?”

Shit, shit, shit, shit “I mean God.”

“You said Goddess.”

“Ok, one of the things that caused my parents problems was that Mama was sort of a Pagan and she was teaching me some of her beliefs. She thought daddy didn't know, but after she died I discovered that he was very aware.”

“A pagan and a preacher?”

“Not the best thing. Daddy wasn’t always so into religion. He got hooked into it when Mama first got sick. It was supposed to help him deal. It didn’t work if you ask me.”

“We need to talk about this a lot more when I get back. But we need to end for today. One thing I can promise is that I won’t let him take you out right now. Ok?”

“Ok.”


Dr. Holt walked Tara back to the school wing. When Tara got back to her desk she saw that Willow wasn’t there. A few minutes later, she returned looking rather downcast.

Tara tried to make eye contact with her roommate, but was unsucessful. She figured that she could find out what was wrong with her roommate at lunch. She was surprised to see a staff member take Willow out of class just before lunch, but pleased to find when she got to their table, that Willow was already there. The girl was looking at her plate which had half a sandwich, an apple, and a cookie on it. There was also a carton of milk. Sitting next to her was a staff member who was clearly observing Willow’s every movement. Tara knew that this woman was one of Willow's least favorite staff members, so she felt sorry for the girl.

‘What’s up?” asked Tara trying to just ignore the staff member.

“Miss Rosenberg can’t talk to you until after she has eaten her lunch.”

Tara tried to catch Willow’s eyes, but she quickly sensed the humiliation and anger emanating from the girl, and chose to just focus on her own meal.

That night when they were getting ready for bed, Tara decided to broach the subject becauset it felt like a lead weight between the two.

“So what is with the food police?”

“I lost weight, “replied Willow. “Just a few pounds, it really wasn’t that bad…”

“So for how long do you have to have them staring at you?”

“’till I gain some weight, you guys don’t need to sit with me anymore, I am sure it is a drag to have to have a staff at the table.”

“Well, I can’t speak for Buffy, but I’m not going to let you be tortured alone.”

Tara smiled at Willow, and it seemed that Willow couldn’t help but smile back. she has the most beautiful eyes. Stop staring, she’ll get bugged out. They both blushed.

“Tara…”

“Yes, Willow. “

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Other than that one?”

“Yes silly.” Willow moved closer to Tara who was sitting on the floor with her back against her bed.

Oh, my Goddess, she is sitting just a few inches from me. How come?, “What?”

“After you returned from therapy today, you looked…um…different, like sorta upset, did anything happen?, not that it is any of my business. I just thought that maybe…um…you might…I don’t know…wanna talk.”

Tara looked at the girl who was obviously feeling really awkward in her attempt to reach out to her. It almost seems like she cares, but that can’t be, why would she care about you?

“Um…it was just an unexpected appointment. I usually don’t have therapy on Wednesdays. So I felt sort of frustrated, and then she was pushing me to talk about stuff and I didn’t want to, and on top of that she told me my dad was coming to my community meeting. “

“Why is that a bad thing?”

“My Dad is really pissed that DSS took custody of me, is embarrassed that my “little” problem was found out; and is frustrated that he and my brother have to fend for themselves. One of those makes for a bad thing with my Dad, three things together and it could get ugly.”

“What are you afraid will happen?”

“Nothing.”

“You sure?”

“Ok, Well first, I am afraid that he will embarrass me in front of the staff. But mostly afraid that my Dad will somehow convince everyone to just discharge me, and I’ll be back in the same situation I left. I actually kinda want to work on my problems. I won’t if I’m at home, plus the longer I am here, the more I can learn. My dad is going to insist that I drop out of school as soon as I turn 16. He thinks education is wasted on girls.”

“That sucks, and you are good at school. What are the chances that him convincing them to discharge you will happen?”

“I don’t think too good. Dr. Holt says that it won't but she doesn't know my dad and his powers of persuasion. It just scares me.”

“Well, I hope it doesn’t happen. I don’t want another roommate. " she paused, " I’m sorry, that didn’t come out right, I really like being roommates with you, and I like you.”

SHE LIKES ME Tara looked down and hid behind her hair, calm down Maclay, she doesn’t ‘like’ like you, she just likes you as a roommate I like you too.

“Cool.”

Tara looked up and saw that Willow was still looking at her. She smiled shyly.

Just then, staff came and knocked on the door and told them that it was lights out time. They both stood up and got into their beds.

A few minutes later, Willow quietly said, “Can I ask you another question?”

“Sure.”

“I might have asked you this before, so if I did already, sorry.”

“ok.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Um, no I am here?”

“No, I mean outside of here?”

"No, why do you ask?"

"Have you ever had one?"

"Um...no... my d..d..dad didn't believe in girls and boys spending time together. He a..a..aways said that it caused impure thoughts." Not that it kept those thoughts away..."You?"


“No way.”

that was pretty emphatic W..w..why do you ask?”

“Just wondering.”

“Ok.” why does she want to know that. She can’t be…No way. Go to sleep Maclay.

The next day after group was Tara’s day of reckoning, in the early morning meeting, Tara was told that she was expected to share some of her reasons for being at the Maple at the afternoon group. It was hard for her to keep her focus on her studies, but once she and Willow began to work on their math, she was able to get into the problems and almost forgot about the upcoming meeting. At the end of math, she felt a small piece of paper pressed into her hand. She put it in her pocket. She waited until she went to the restroom to open it.

Good luck today, I’m rooting and supporting you.
Willow
;-)

Tara smiled, and felt that she could survive this experiene.[/i}

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Meeting Expectations


Last edited by taranwillow4ever on Wed Sep 16, 2009 3:13 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations
PostPosted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 11:24 am 
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19. Yummy Face
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Joined: Fri Jun 15, 2007 4:19 pm
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Location: Kaskinen, Finland, citizen of Kitopia
Yay for good update-y goodness... Good that the giels are beginning to open up to eachother about their feelings for eachother... I really hope that Tara's meeting with her father goes ok and that the bastard doesn't get her custody...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations
PostPosted: Mon Sep 14, 2009 1:22 pm 
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32. Kisses and Gay Love
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Fantastic! Tara *wants* to get better. Just saying it outloud is a big step. And even though it feels humiliating, I'm glad Willow's being watched and kinda forced to eat.

I'm so glad you're bored at work and writing. ;-)

More more more more!!!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations
PostPosted: Wed Sep 16, 2009 5:37 pm 
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4. Extra Flamey
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Story is absolutely wonderful. I waiting with bated breath to see what happens next! Please update soon :pray !

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 Post subject: Meeting Expectations (Sept 18,2009)
PostPosted: Fri Sep 18, 2009 5:05 pm 
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6. Sassy Eggs

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:33 pm
Posts: 475
Location: North Carolina, USA
Title: Meeting Expectations
Author: TaranWillow4Ever
Rating: PG-R for now
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Please
Thoughts in italics.

Note: Many types of neglect and abuse will be clearly described and alluded to in this fiction. If these types of issues cause you discomfort, please don't read this fiction.

Chapter 14

I wonder why Dr. Holt came and picked up Tara today. We don’t usually have therapy on Wednesdays; I hope she’s not going to get me. I don’t feel like talking to her. Willow was daydreaming when she was supposed to be doing her math work. It wasn’t as much fun without her roommate, and they were so far ahead, that Willow didn’t feel like s he had to push herself too hard. She was becoming lost her dream world when she was abruptly brought back to the present when a staff member called her name and told her that the nurse was here to see her.

What does she want? I feel fine and I didn’t ask to talk to her or the doctor. Willow reluctantly followed the nurse into the exam room. “Why am I here?” she asked?

The nurse responded, “I was told that I needed to weigh you to see if you’ve gained or lost any weight since you came in. Now take off your shoes and that large sweatshirt and get on the scale.”

“Why do I have to take off my hoodie.” I was wearing it last time I got weighed?

“No you didn’t, I distinctly remember telling you to take it off that time too.”

Willow glared at the woman and took off her sweatshirt and shoes. She walked over to the scale. Think heavy thought, think heavy thoughts. Please don’t have me lose too much weight.

“98 pounds, that is down four pounds from two weeks ago. Are you eating anything here?”

“Sure, but we get a lot of exercise here, maybe that is why?”

“Most of the other girls gain weight, Ms. Rosenberg, and nobody ever loses, except of course kids with your type of problems.”

Willow put on her hoodie and shoes and sat down, knowing a lecture about nutrition was about to occur. She looked around the office and she was surprised how much stuff was in it. There was a blood pressure cuff, and lots of meds, a refrigerator. Willow mentally began counting the number of medication bottles on the counter. The nurse just watched her silently.

“So what are we going to do about you losing weight?”

“Nothing?” said Willow hopefully.

“Have to do something, your parents sent you here to get better and gain weight, not lose weight.’

“So.”

“Well, I and the rest of the staff care. It was decided in a meeting yesterday that if you had lost weight, then we would have to give you a 1:1 for meals.”

“No.”

“You don’t really have a choice. Until you gain some weight, you will have a 1:1 during all meals and will be on physical activity restriction.”

“What does a physical activity restriction mean?”

“No going to the gym or playing sports. You can take leisurely strolls around campus once a day, but not any more frequently. If you are found to be exercising in your room, there will be consequence.”

“No fair. That sucks.”

“Can you say that in a more appropriate way, Miss Rosenberg?”

“Das ist echt beschissen”

“What does that mean?”

“That sucks in German”

“Am I going to have to give you a time-out Willow?”

“I don’t know, are you?”

“You are really pushing it.”

Willow decided that she really didn’t want to have to prolong this issue, so she became quiet. The nurse walked her back to school, Willow was happy to see that Tara was back. She looked over at the girl and saw that she did not seem to be very happy. She tried to catch her eye, but the girl seemed to be focused on her school work.

A few minutes before lunch, a staff member came to get Willow and accompany her to the cafeteria. It was one of her least favorite staff members, so this annoyed Willow even more. As they were walking, the staff member told her that she needed to get at least half a sandwich, a piece of fruit, some type of desert and a drink, and that she couldn’t talk to her friends until she was done eating.

“Oh Man!, “Das ist echt beschissen”

‘Excuse me?”

“Nothing.”

“I know it was something, what did you say?”

“Nothing important, sorry.” Willow looked forlornly toward the staff member. They walked into the cafeteria. Willow picked out the smallest sandwich she could find, a very small apple, a cookie, and a carton of milk. They walked over to a table and sat down. A few minutes later, Tara came over and sat down.

Please don’t let this be embarrassing, please, please. Willow felt humiliated when the staff member rudely told Tara that Willow couldn’t talk until she was done eating lunch. Like not letting me talk to my friends is going to encourage me to eat. Totally opposite, some of the times that I actually have eaten was because I was talking to Tara and Buffy and didn’t really pay attention to what I was eating.

Willow stared at the food and willed herself to eat some of it. It looks so disgusting. Ok, you can do this. She took a small bite of the sandwich and swallowed it with some milk. She did the same with a bite of each of the foodstuffs until they were all almost gone.

“I can’t eat anymore.”

“Well, I was told that you had to eat it all, so I guess we will just sit here until you are finished.”

Willow watched the rest of her group finish up their lunches and get ready for some free time.

After they all left and Willow discovered that the woman was not kidding, she put all the remaining food in her mouth and swallowed. She felt like she was going to vomit, but she knew that it would be perceived as purging, so she worked on keeping it down. She and the staff member then went back to the unit to continue the day.

This pattern occurred for dinner as well, though the staff assigned was a little nicer and allowed Willow to talk a little with her friends.

That night at bedtime, Willow felt like there was heaviness in the room. She didn’t know what to say to Tara about the dining room stuff. Tara broke the ice by saying, “So what is up with the food police?”

“I lost weight, “replied Willow. “Just a few pounds, it really wasn’t that bad…”

“So for how long do you have to have them staring at you?”

“’till I gain some weight….you know, you guys don’t need to sit with me anymore, I am sure it is a drag to have to have a staff at the table.”

“Well, I can’t speak for Buffy, but I’m not going to let you be tortured alone.”

Tara smiled at Willow, and Willow couldn’t help but smile back. She has the prettiest eyes I have ever seen. I could get lost in those. . Willow felt herself getting flushed and hoped that she wasn’t blushing. She said, “Tara…”

“Yes, Willow. “

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Other than that one?”

Willow grabbed a pillow off her bed and placed it beside Tara who was sitting on the floor against her own bed. “After you returned from therapy today, you looked…um…different, like sorta upset, did anything happen?, not that it is any of my business. I just thought that maybe…um…you might…I don’t know…wanna talk.” If she wanted to talk to you loser, she probably would. You are getting yourself in trouble.

“Um…it was just an unexpected appointment. I usually don’t have therapy on Wednesdays. So I felt sort of frustrated, and then she was pushing me to talk about stuff and I didn’t want to, and on top of that she told me my dad was coming to my community meeting. “

“Why is that a bad thing?”

“My Dad is really pissed that DSS took custody of me, is embarrassed that my “little” problem was found out; and is frustrated that he and my brother have to fend for themselves. One of those makes for a bad thing with my Dad, three things together and it could get ugly.”

Willow felt a little scared from the tone of Tara’s comments. Instead of worrying about what the girl meant she asked, “What are you afraid will happen?”

“Nothing.”

“You sure?”

“Ok, I mostly afraid that my Dad will somehow convince everyone to just discharge me, and I’ll be back in the same situation I left. I actually kinda want to work on my problems. I won’t if I’m at home, plus the longer I am here, the more I can learn. My dad is going to insist that I drop out of school as soon as I turn 16. He thinks education is wasted on girls.”

Wow and I think my parents are bad, at least they support me going to school. Well they support that more than they actually support me, but still…“That sucks, and you are good at school. What are the chances that your dad will convince them to let him take you home?” Willow felt really scared for her roommate.

Tara responded, “I don’t think too good. It just scares me.”

Willow put her hand on Tara’s leg and said, “Well, I hope it doesn’t happen. I don’t want another roommate.” Oh my God Rosenberg, that sounds so self centered, it’s not about you. Willow’s voice faltered, “ I’m sorry, that didn’t come out right, I really like being roommates with you, and I like you.”

Willow noticed that the girl’s eyes bugged out for a moment and then went back to normal. I wonder what she thought that made her react that way. Oh, maybe she got scared that I was telling her I like her, in not a roommate way. Face it Rosenberg, that is what you were kind of telling her, but obviously it scared her, or did it. Shit, I wish I was better at this interpersonal shit. I don’t want to come on too strong, and/or scare her, but I do sort of like her…She’s hiding behind her hair. I must have scared her, she’s probably going to freak out and ask to be moved. Good work loser. But she is still smiling at me, what does that mean? . Willow didn’t have long to ponder the smile, because a staff member knocked on the door and told them that it was lights out.

Willow lay down on her bed and the thoughts were racing through her head at a tumultuous speed, She was smiling at me, what it that means she does like me, what if she does, it might not be as bad as last year when I crushed out on Lauri, and then I saw her with her new boyfriend. Hey I don’t even know if Tara’s got a boyfriend. She probably does, I think if she does, then it might be easier, I won’t have all these questions and wondering. I guess I could ask her, here goes nothing. “Tara, can I ask you another question?”

“Sure.”

“I might have asked you this before, so if I did already, sorry.”

“ok.”

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“Um, no I am here?”

“No, I mean outside of here?”

“No, you?”

Ew..no. “No way.” Did I just say that, Oh my God, Willow you know how to suppress these things, what is happening to you.

Tara responded, “W..w..Why do you ask?”

“Just wondering.” she’s stuttering, that means I made her feel really uncomfortable. Maybe she is self-conscious because she doesn’t have a boyfriend. A girl that beautiful should have lots of girlfriends, I mean boyfriends. I wish you could just out and ask someone, do you like boys or girls. But if you do, then they ask you it back, and if you tell the truth, then you could get yourself in a lot of trouble. I really like this girl, I don’t want to scare her or do anything to make her uncomfortable. I’ve got to be just a friend. Chill Rosenberg, Chill”

===

The next morning at the first meeting of the day, Tara was told that she would have to talk about the reasons for her placement at the Meadows. Willow could see the fear in her roommate’s eyes, so she did what she could to keep her friend’s spirits up. During math, she snuck Tara note that said,

Good luck today, I’m rooting and supporting you.
Willow ;-)


When Tara returned from the bathroom where Willow assumed that she’d read the note with a big smile on her face, and Willow felt good that she’d brought some joy to this girl’s demeanor.

When the group circled up for the afternoon meeting, Willow could sense the apprehension in her roommate’s aura. I wish that I could just give her a hug or hold her hand or something, not that she’d want that, but still I wish there was a way I could help her with her anxiety. Willow was hardly aware of what was going on during the meeting. She methodically reported her goal and rating, and then sat staring at the floor day dreaming. She was brought back to consciousness when she heard her roommate’s soft voice

“Um…I…I…I am here because I…I…” Willow looked at Faith to make sure that she wasn’t even thinking about teasing Tara, but it appeared that she’d learned her lesson and was just sitting there quietly like the other girls looking at Tara expectantly. There was a longer pause.

“Um, I got sent here from the hospital because I had an infection in a cut on my leg.”

“Can I ask a question? Can I help her?” piped up Anya.

“Please raise your hand before talking Anya.” admonished a staff member, “But go on, see if you can help her.”

“Tara, how did you get the cut? And maybe you should start with telling the story of your life, that usually helps keep everything in order.”

“T..t…thanks, Anya. Well, I am the youngest daughter of Elizabeth and Donald Maclay. I have an older brother, Donnie who is 19. My mama died when I was eight from cancer. I was really sad w..w..when it h..h..happened. She and I were always really close. After Mama died, I had to do a lot of the stuff she used to do, we..d..d..didn’t have a lot of m..m..money, so Daddy couldn’t pay for us to go to the doctor or anything. When I was put in the hospital, they found out that I hadn’t been to the doctor since my mama died, so they decided he must have been neglecting me, so DSS took custody and sent me here.”

Buffy raised her hand, “Tara, that doesn’t seem like the whole story? DSS doesn’t just take you ‘cause your parents are poor.”

“Well, Daddy was a little angry when he came to the hospital, and they thought that maybe he was going to hurt me. After he came yelling into my room and threatening to take me home, they took me down to a machine, that I guess was an X-ray machine. They said that I had a bunch of bones that had been fractured and healed. They thought that maybe Daddy had been hurting me.”

“Was he?” asked Amy.

“N..n..no”

“I don’t believe you” blurted out Faith.

“Faith!” said a staff member. Faith raised her hand and was acknowledged by the staff member.

“Listen Blondie, I don’t mean to disrespect you calling you that, but I don’t believe you. You don’t just get broken bones from nowhere. You are here, you don’t need to protect him. I used to think that if I didn’t tell people what my old man was doing or my mom, that maybe they’d care about me more, would be proud that I kept the secret, but they weren’t they just thought that I was weak and kept on beating on me. As much as I hate being in DSS custody and being in a foster home, it’s way better than being with them.”

Anya raised her hand and a staff member nodded at her, “You still haven’t said how you got the cut that got infected? Did your dad cut you?”

“N..n..no, I cut myself.”

“Like, ‘oops’ I accidentally cut myself, or are you a cutter?”

“I guess, you’d call me a cutter.”

“Where do you cut?”

Willow watched Tara’s eyes bug out. She could see that something was going through the girl’s head, but wasn’t sure what it was. Tara looked at the staff member with a look that seemed to say, ‘do I have to answer that?” Willow saw the staff member’s affirmative response, and heard Tara take in a deep breath.

“Um…I cut places that most people can’t see. Like my legs and upper arms.”

“Anywhere else?” asked the staff member.

“No ma’am.”

“Are you sure? The nurse’s initial physical was pretty extensive.”

Willow saw Tara flush and then blanch. It looked almost like the girl was going to pass out.

“My chest,” said Tara very quietly.

“Is that it?”

“Uh huh.” Tara was looking down at the floor and Willow imagined that she wanted the floor to just take her in.

Cordelia raised her hand and asked, “So why do you cut?”

“I…I…I don’t know. I just l..l..like t..t..the f..f..f..feeling.”

Willow noted that Tara’s stutter was getting even worse and wished that the meeting was just over. She tried to look at her roommate in a reassuring way, but the girl was just staring at the floor.

“When was the last time you did it?” asked Anya.

Willow thought that she knew the answer to this and was aware that it was going to cause all sorts of problems if Tara admitted to cutting while she was at the center. Willow feared that it could even cause her roommate to be moved or kicked out or something, so she did the only thing that she knew to do to diffuse a situation.

“Why the fuck do you care, slut.” yelled Willow at Anya.

Everyone stared at Willow surprised that she had said anything. Several of the girls looked at Anya to see what she would do about this insult. Willow sensed that Anya was going to get up so she beat her to it and stood up. Immediately a staff member grabbed her arm while another grabbed Anya.

Anya yelled, “Who are you calling a slut. You’re probably just jealous, or are you some sort of fucking dyke. I see how you look at the other girls. If I was Blondie, I’d stay away from you.”

“My name is Tara,” said Tara rather quietly.

The staff members escorted Willow to one of the time-out rooms, and Anya to another. Willow walked along with the staff member and went into the room she was brought to.

“Please, don’t close the door,” said Willow. “I’ll go sit, just don’t close the door. Please.”

Willow went to sit down in the corner of the room and the staff member left the door open.

Meanwhile, the rest of the girls were sent to their rooms. After a little while, the rest of the kids minus Anya and Willow went to PE, while Anya and Willow were sent to their rooms to think about what they did.

Willow was lying on her bed filling out the form she needed to address what had happened in the meeting when Tara came into their room. A staff member was following her, and said to Tara.

“Remember you’re not supposed to talk to her as long as she is ‘out of group’”.

Tara nodded, looked Willow in the eye and smiled. Willow nodded and continued her writing. Tara got what she needed from their room and left.

I wonder if she even knows that I did it for her. I must be some sort of a fool, how am I going to explain why I did it. And do I even address what Anya said to me. I wonder what Tara thinks about it? What if she thinks I am some sort of pervert lesbian, she’ll probably want to move rooms. I don’t want her too, but I can’t say that. Think, Rosenberg, think, what is a believable reason for what you did…um…I was bothered about the idea of where she was cutting? Then it kinda brings focus onto her breast. I could just talk about why I was initially angry, the whole food thing, and pretend that it didn’t have anything to do with Tara. That would probably work. It means that I have to admit to my eating disorder, but it’s not like nobody knows.

++++

At the evening meeting, Willow was the first to be asked questions about her behavior.

“So Willow, what happened?” asked the staff member.

“We were in a meeting, and I was thinking about how frustrated I was about having staff have to watch my every movement at the meals. I know I was supposed to be paying attention to Tara, but I couldn’t keep my attention. I heard my peer asking Tara something and it just popped out of my mouth. I am really sorry Anya. I didn’t mean to yell that out at you. There really is no excuse. Sometimes I find my self saying things that I am not even aware I am thinking. I wonder if I have some sort of Tourette’s Syndrome. So then I thought my peer was going to get up and hit me, and I understood why, I had just said something rude, but I didn’t want to get hit sitting down, so I stood up, then I guess the staff member thought that we were going to fight, so she grabbed me and brought me to the quiet room.”

“What were you thinking and feeling?”

“I was thinking that I just didn’t want to be in the meeting and I was feeling angry because I was thinking about the staff making me eat.”

“How did it affect your peers and staff?”

“Well, the kids had to go to their rooms, and they are having to address the issues at the group instead of having free time, and the staff maybe felt worried that there was going to be a fight. I also probably hurt Anya’s feelings.”

“What are you going to do differently next time?”

“I don’t plan for there to be a next time, but if I am feeling frustrated I will talk to a staff member.”

“Any questions?” asked the staff member.

Buffy raised her hand and asked, “Willow, I heard you begging the staff not to lock the door, how come?”

“Um… when I was a little kid, I got locked in the closet a lot, so sometimes when I get wigged out when I am in a small space and can’t get out.”

Faith raised her hand, and was acknowledged by the staff, “I don’t believe you, Re.d..I mean Willow. I think that is total bullshit.”

Just stay calm and don’t react, Rosenberg. She’s got your number. I think she may know why I did it. “I respect your opinion Faith, but it was the reason.”

“I don’t believe it, but still I’m not going to argue… How did you feel about what Anya was saying about you?”

“Um…” I didn’t think about how I’d answer this question. Um… I guess it bothered me. I don’t like being called that just ‘cause I don’t dress all girly I don’t like it when I’m called a dyke. But I’d said something mean, so I figured she was just trying to make me mad.”


“Any more questions?” asked the staff member. There weren’t any, so the group went on to process Anya. Willow winced every time the “fucking dyke” comment got referred to. She felt herself blanching and blushing. She tried to make eye contact with Tara, but she was staring at the ground.

After the meeting, Willow chose to go to her room for free time. She was doing some math homework when Tara came into the room. She’s going to tell me she doesn’t want to be my roommate, that I am some sort of abomination. But you’ll survive, you’ll be Ok Willow. Someday you will meet someone who accepts you for who you are. Willow was too busy thinking to notice that Tara had come over and sat down against her bed.

“Thanks,” said Tara.

“For what?” asked Willow.

“F…f..for saving me..me from having to answer Anya’s question. You did it on purpose didn’t you? So..So.. I wouldn’t have to admit that I’m still cutting.”

“What makes you think that?”

“Um…y..y..you d..d..didn’t, s..ss..sorry, that was sort of self centered of me to think…” don’t let the poor girl fumble around thinking that she’s wrong.

“You’re welcome.”

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Meeting Expectations


Last edited by taranwillow4ever on Fri Oct 23, 2009 9:39 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations
PostPosted: Fri Sep 18, 2009 9:19 pm 
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I am really loving this story =)
Can't wait for the update
I hope it's soon :pinky


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations
PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 1:42 am 
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I'm really happy they're getting more comfortable around each other. I hope Tara is able to admit the full extent of her abuse so her father can definitely never take her away.

Can't wait for more.

Oh, sidebar, I also love seeing the same scenes from both girls POV's, then the extension of the scene. It's really interesting.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations
PostPosted: Sat Sep 19, 2009 2:21 am 
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Yay for good update-y goodness... Big yay for Willow saving Tara from having to tell that she is still cutting... I hope Willow soon begings to eat on her own with Tara's help...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations
PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2009 7:45 am 
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Chapter 15.

Tara entered the room and saw that her roommate was doing her math homework. she makes me look like an academic slacker. Tara had decided that she really wanted to talk to her roommate about all the things that had happened that day. Tara sat down on the rug in front of Willow’s bed and stared intently at the girl. It took a few moments, it seemed like Willow was in her head thinking about something, and then Willow looked Tara in the eye.

“Thanks,” said Tara.

“For what?” asked Willow.

for what? You’ve go to be kidding. “F…f..for saving me..me from having to answer Anya’s question. You did it on purpose didn’t you? So..So.. I wouldn’t have to admit that I’m still cutting.”

“What makes you think that?”

Shit, I got this all wrong. “Um…y..y..you d..d..didn’t, s..ss..sorry, that was sort of self centered of me to think…”

“You’re welcome.” said the green eyed girl. Tara noticed the glint in them and realized that there was a lot more mischievousness in this girl than she had given her credit for.

“I can’t believe you called Anya a slut though. I thought that she was going to deck you.”

“Me too, I was sort of afraid that Faith was going to hit me too. She gave me a death glare. I wonder if there is something going on between those two.”

This admission caused Tara to look away, when she looked back she saw that Willow was staring at her finger nails and nervously biting her cheek.

I bet she’s really worried about what Anya said to her. I should say something that makes her feel better. But what should I say? The longer I sit here the more uncomfortable she’s going to be, so say something Maclay. “You know that Anya was just trying to get you angry, we know it is not true.”

Willow replied with a very small voice “what if it is true, not that I am saying it is, but what if?”

A multitude of thoughts and feelings went whizzing through Tara’s head and body so fast that she could not figure which was the predominant one. However the loudest thought involved trying to say something that would make this girl look less scared.

“If it is true, it is true. ‘cept I don’t think you are…are…”

“a fucking dyke?”

“Yeah, that. Who cares who you like or if you are gay or straight, I certainly don’t care. So what she said about me needing to be careful was just stupid. You are the best roommate I can imagine.”

Willow looked down at Tara, she moved herself on her bed so that their eyes were sort of at the same height.

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

Once again their awkward silence was cut by a staff member knocking on their door to tell them it was time to do chores.

++++

The rest of the night went very quickly and it wasn’t until lights out that Tara and Willow were able talk again. Tara was laying in her bed thinking about all the stuff that had happened. She was amazed that this girl, her roommate would go out on a limb for her and try to protect her. nobody really has tried to protect me except mama, and even she didn’t do it all the time . This thought made Tara very sad, and she began to cry. She tried not to sniffle, but it was impossible. She turned over to get a tissue from her bedside table and saw that Willow was staring at her.

“Are you Ok, Tare?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Liar, you are crying. How come you are crying and why do you always push us off when we ask?”

“Habit. Um…feelings are a sign of weakness in my family. They need to be denied. It was a rule that there was no crying in the house.”

“That must have been an interesting rule to enforce.”

“No it was really easy, if Dad saw you crying, he’d tell you to stop or he’d give you a good reason to cry.”

“I never really understood that. Your Dad hit you didn’t he ? That is how you got the broken bones.”

“I’ll never say that.”

“How come?”

“It is complicated.”

Tara could see Willow nodding, and there was silence. However it was not an easy silence. Tara could hear Willow’s breathing change.

“Willow, is there something you want to say. You got that breathing pattern that you get when you are struggling with wanting to say something but are afraid about how it would come out.”

“Really, I have a weird breathing thing. I never knew that, I wonder if anyone else has ever noticed that…”

“Willow, you are babbling…another sign that there is something you want to say.”

“Ok…Tara?”

“Yes…”

“You are really religious right?”

“Correction, my father is really religious. I am spiritual, I don’t believe a lot of what he does. Mama was a pagan, that is what I am, but don’t tell him, he’d probably kill me.”

“That is not just a phrase is it?”

“Excuse me?”

“You are afraid that your father is going to kill you.”

how does she know that? “Well, not really…”

“What did he do to you Tara?”

“Nothing”

“I promise I won’t tell anyone.”

“I know you won’t. I just can’t.”

“What is going to happen? I worry that you are going to get really hurt, and I worry that you are never going to stop cutting until you tell the truth.”

“I think I can stop.”

“I hope so. I don’t think I could do that again.”

“You know, you didn’t need to do it. I could have answered Anya’s question, I would have just lied.”

“It is that easy for you to lie?”

“Yes. I have lots of practice. It has kept me alive.”

“You’ve had a really rough life haven’t you.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I am feeling sleepy.” Tara rolled over and faced the wall. Her back was to Willow. She pulled her knees up to her chest and grabbed them tight. It was so scary. This girl really seemed to want to help. Tara felt as though her world was going to explode, she needed to cut. She had to get these bad feelings out. But how? She hadn’t cut for almost a week and a half. I sounded like Willow was asleep. She tried to quietly move around the stuff on her bedside table and found her Bible, she slipped out the piece of metal hid it in her hand and went to the door and knocked. After she was acknowledged, she went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. This was not her ideal way of cutting. She didn’t have her cloth to wipe up the blood and she felt like bathrooms were dirty. you have to do what you have to do Tara pulled up her nightgown and looked for a fresh part of her inner thigh. She pulled the sharp part of the metal against the skin and was rewarded with a nice straight line of blood. She’d cut a little too deep at one end, but the emotional relief was incredible. She sat looking at the line of blood. She was brought back to reality when the staff member knocked on the door and asked if she was “ok”. Tara put a piece of toilet paper against the cut, washed her hands, and went back to her room. It sounded like Willow was asleep. Tara put the clip back in her book, lay down and went to sleep. As she was falling asleep, she began to think about the last conversations with Willow. I don't think that she originally wanted to talk about my dad abusing me...she started with religion...I wonder what she wanted to talk about... she thought a little more and it hit her. what if what Anya said was true, not in the derogatory way she said it, but what if her roommate was also struggling with her sexuality and was afraid to talk to her about it because of her religious upbringing. That would be a really interesting turn of events. The idea both excited and scared Tara. It took her awhile to get to sleep, but it was a pleasant sleep.

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Meeting Expectations


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations
PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2009 8:04 am 
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Yay for great update-y goodness... I hope Willow and Tara soon start their snuggle therapy-sessions...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations
PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2009 7:28 pm 
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yay! I'm really glad that Tara figured out willow's umm...sexual preference at the end.
Quote:
That would be a really interesting turn of events.

I agree. I feel like things are going to get really interesting soon. Can't wait for more updates!


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations
PostPosted: Sun Sep 20, 2009 10:33 pm 
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So, i just ran across this story... I really enjoy it. Well, I don;t enjoy our girls being emotional train wrecks... but I think you are doing a gtreat job with this story. Hopefully the girls start talking to eachother soon :)

i can't wait to read more!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations
PostPosted: Mon Sep 21, 2009 1:04 am 
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Hey, the story is progressing nicely so far. I admire how in depth your are with elements of their treatment and also their reactions to a lot of things. I hope they both get the help that they need. Keep up the good work :)

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations
PostPosted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 12:11 am 
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Interesting turn of events indeed.

I hope it all comes out and it leads to awesome :wtkiss

I trust in your abilities to get these two together!

Thanks for writing such an awesome story and I can't wait for more.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations
PostPosted: Thu Sep 24, 2009 7:49 am 
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I was sure I'd feedbacked, I remember typing a feedback and submiting... O__O I really remember feedbacking. Yet it is not here. Did I feedback to you?

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations
PostPosted: Sun Sep 27, 2009 11:17 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:33 pm
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Location: North Carolina, USA
Title: Meeting Expectations
Author: TaranWillow4Ever
Rating: PG-R for now
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Please
Thoughts in italics.

Note: Many types of neglect and abuse will be clearly described and alluded to in this fiction. If these types of issues cause you discomfort, please don't read this fiction.


Chapter 16

It was room time in the middle of the day, Tara walked into her room to see that her roommate was already there. She noticed that the girl was lying on her bed with her back to the rest of the room. It didn’t take much to guess that something was wrong.

“Willow is everything alright?” asked Tara as she sat down on the floor in front of her bed.

“Yes, everything is fine,” said Willow with a tone that clearly was discordant with the message.

“It doesn’t sound like it is. Did something happen?” Tara got up and walked over to Willow’s bed and kneeled beside it.

“No”

“Do you not want to talk about it?”

“There isn’t anything to talk about.”

Tara clearly took the hint and went back to her bed and lay down to read. She had almost become engrossed in her book when she heard Willow say, “Do you really want to know what is the matter?”

“Sure, if you want to tell me.” She looked up and saw that Willow was sitting on her bed, her back against the wall. She was as far away from Tara as she could be and still be on a piece of furniture.

“I am really pissed that you cut last night.”

“How do you know I cut?”

“The bloody tissue was a give away.”

Shit, shit, shit. I am usually more careful that that. I totally forgot. I am slipping, but hey, whose business is it anyway. She doesn’t have anything to do with it. “Why do you care?” asked Tara.

There was a long pause, and then Willow said, “I guess I care somewhat because I put my neck out on the line to save you from having to admit that you are cutting here, and then you do it the same day. But really, the real reason is…I don’t know.”

“Dr. Holt always says that ‘I don’t know’ means I don’t want to tell you. What don’t you want to tell me? I’m tough I can take it. ”

“She says that to me too.” Willow laughed and couldn’t help but smile at the blue eyes that were looking at her. “It is just….I don’t know how to explain it…”

“Try.”

“Well, I guess at first I felt angry, ‘cause the whole sticking my neck out to protect you, but then I started to fell sad that you were so upset that you felt like you had to do that, and I wondered if I was a better roommate that maybe you wouldn’t have felt like you needed to do that. I also was wondering if I had let you answer the question, and you had told the truth, then maybe you would have given up what ever you have hidden in your Bible, and you wouldn’t have one more cut…”

“Wow, that is a lot of thinking.”

Willow tapped her head, “there is always a lot going on in here.”

“I thought so…” she paused, “I am sorry that it made you upset. I just had so many feeling last night left over from the day, I needed to let them out somehow.”

“I know the feeling, but I haven’t restricted or purged in over three days, and it feels really good.”

“I hadn’t cut for over a week. This is the first time I cut since you moved into the room. I am also really stressed out about my meeting tomorrow. I don’t want to see my father, and I don’t want to hear what everyone else has to say about me,” She paused, “but I am sorry that it made you upset. When I get focused on cutting, it is kind of hard to deal with the urge, and it didn’t really matter. If they found out that I am still cutting and found my stuff, I’d find something else.”

“So you don’t plan to stop?”

“I don’t know. I guess I do, because I don’t want to end up here or somewhere worse, but it makes me feel so relaxed.”

“Have you ever found anything else that relaxes you as well?”

Hum…I don’t know.. she felt a wave of sadness overtake her. “N..n..not since my mom died. When she would hold me, I felt like everything was going to be alright.”

“You really miss her.”

“All the time.”

“I wish I could give you a hug.”

“Me too.”

The two girls looked at each other. I so wish she could give me a hug, but I’m not sure that it is for the same reason as she just offered. I wonder if she has any idea. “So what about you? What relaxes you?”

“Um… I’m not a really relaxed kinda person. I tend to be pretty wound up, and my mom touching me makes it worse. I hate it when she tries to touch me. I really don’t like people in my personal space.”

“Is there anyone that you have ever wanted in your space?”

Tara noticed that the girl noticeably blanched and then began to blush. She was sort of amazed that her face was almost as red as her hair. She was looking down at her hands. Tara maintained her gaze until the girl looked back at her. “I’m going to take that as a yes…who was it?”

“I don’t know.”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I don’t want to say?” squeaked out Willow.

“Ok.”

Tara stayed looking at Willow until it was clear that the conversation was done. She then picked up her book and read until the end of room time. The rest of the day went pretty fast, and she found that Willow’s body language continued to portray the message to stay away. They talked briefly, but Willow claimed fatigue and went to sleep quickly. When Tara woke up in the morning, she found a note beside her head.

Tara, Sorry I’ve been such a butt. I hope your day goes very well and that your dad doesn’t give you too much trouble. Love your roommie, Willow.

It made her smile and she put it in her pants pocket. The day went very slowly. She knew that the meeting was scheduled for 1:00 pm, so she started to get worried when nobody had come to get her by 2:00. She thought that she was going to explode. Finally at 2:30, Dr. Holt came to get her.

As they were walking down the hallway, Dr Holt said to her, “Well, you couldn’t have warned me enough about your dad. He is quite a character.”

“W..W..What did he do? W..W..what did he say?” sputtered out Tara.

“Nothing specific, he just is very opinionated, and I was glad I took your advice and had the director come to the meeting. He has refused to directly address me. All of his answers have been focused to Dr. Potts.”

“I..i…is he m..m…mad?”

“No, he seems Ok.”

Tara walked into the room and saw that there was a seat next to her father. She walked up to him, kissed him on the cheek and sat down with her eyes down cast. She tried as hard as she could not to make eye contact with her dad.

“So Tara, how do you think you are doing here at the Maples?”

“F..f…”

“Get it out girl” snapped her dad.

“I think I am doing pretty well, sir”

“What is your favorite part of the program?”

“I like school. I am really enjoying math.”

“So your dad says that you are going to drop out once you turn 16 is this true?”

Tara looked at her father who was clearly communicating the message that she better answer correctly. It seemed that Dr. Holt also saw the unspoken message, but Tara wasn’t sure.

“It…it depends, if..if..I go home, then yes I will be dropping out, but if I…I…stay in f..f..foster care, then I guess I’ll stay in school.”

“Well, young lady, you will be coming home after here if I have anything to say for it. I have a lawyer friend from church who says he can help me get custody back of you. So enjoy your schooling while you are here.” Tara felt her dad grab her leg roughly.

“Y…y…yes sir.”

“So what do you think you need to improve during the next month you are here, Tara” asked Dr. Potts.

“Um…Tara looked at her teacher, Dr. Holt and the Unit Director. They all were looking at her expectantly.”

“I guess I need to talk a little more in groups and therapy.”

“Do you think you can do that?” asked Dr. Holt.

“Y…y…yes ma’am.”

The meeting was over after this. Mr. Maclay asked the Director if he could visit for a few minutes with his daughter. The Director wasn’t aware that this was far from what Tara wanted to happen, so he agreed. Tara caught the eye of Dr. Holt, who shrugged her shoulders. Once everyone was gone, Mr. Maclay said to Tara, “So girl, have you been saying your prayers. They said that you haven’t been asking to go to church on Sundays, is this right?”

“Y..yes sir. I keep forgetting that I have to ask on Thursdays. I will do better from now on.”

“You better.” There was a long pause. “So have you stopped that foolishness that got you here?”

Tara looked right in her father’s face and said, “Yes sir. They over-reacted to it. I don’t do that anymore.”

“Good to hear” he said gruffly. “I got you put on my insurance, so that was one thing that they said I had to do before you could come back home. You are keeping the family business to yourself right girl?” Tara’s father moved his hand up higher on her thigh and squeezed very hard.

“Yes sir.”

Tara was petrified that her father was going to do something to her in the conference room. Fortunately, Dr. Hot took that moment to come into the room and say that Tara was needed in group. Tara looked at her relieved, kissed her father goodbye and left the room. Dr. Holt asked a staff member to walk Mr. Maclay to the door, while she walked Tara back to the unit. Once they were out of earshot, Dr. Holt asked Tara, “Are you OK? You looked pretty pale when I walked in. Did he say or do something to scare you?”

“N…n…no ma’am. He just said he was working on getting custody of me back.”

“And how do you feel about that?”

“Ok I guess.”

“Well, we need to talk more about the meeting, both the parts you were in and those you weren’t. Tara…listen to me,” they stopped in the hallway and Dr. Holt made Tara look her in the eye. “You’ve got to start talking to me, cause if you don’t I won’t be able to keep you safe from him. Do you understand ?”

Tara nodded, nobody can keep me safe from him , “Yes, ma’am.”

They walked back to the unit, and Tara joined the group which had already started. She sat down across from Willow, and realized that she felt a weight lifting from her shoulders when the girl gave her a big, bright smile.

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Meeting Expectations


Last edited by taranwillow4ever on Sun Sep 27, 2009 5:38 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (9/27/09)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 27, 2009 11:35 am 
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yay for Willow caring about Tara ^.^
aww Willow got all blushy when Tara asked who she would let in her personal space n.n
and *hammers mr.Maclay :smash * evil lil bastard' you'll never get your dirty hands on Tara even over my grave! *gets protectivy*

Great update! cant wait for more!!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (9/27/09)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 27, 2009 11:40 am 
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Yay for good update-y goodness... I truly hope that the bastard Maclay never ever gets the custody of Tara... I kinda hope that Willow listened Tara and she starts hug therapy for Tara and that Willow accepts Tara to touch her...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (9/27/09)
PostPosted: Sun Sep 27, 2009 11:41 am 
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Not that I didn't already hate Tara's father, but I hate him more now.

She better not get sent back to him! And good for Willow, calling Tara out on her cutting.

I really hope they can get each other through this and that they sneak some hugs.

Love how you're writing the story, can't wait for more!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (9/28/09)
PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 6:58 pm 
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Title: Meeting Expectations
Author: TaranWillow4Ever
Rating: PG-R for now
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Please
Thoughts in italics.

Note: This story contains elements of abuse - physical and emotional, that are either eluded to if not outright described. If anything of this sort bothers you, then please do not read this story

Chapter 17

Willow woke up to the sound of Tara leaving the room to take a shower. As she opened her eyes, she saw a piece of tissue that was stained with blood. She quickly got up and looked at it. It was clearly a piece of paper that Tara had put over a recent cut. Seeing that she was already up, she decided to get her clothes together and get ready for her own shower. As soon as Tara returned, she went to take care of her hygiene, and then their day went on. Every once in awhile, Willow found herself thinking about what she had found. As she thought about it she found herself becoming angrier and angrier at her roommate. By the time it was afternoon room time she was almost furious. She went into her room and lay down on her bed, putting her back to the room and hoping that Tara would clearly see that she didn’t want to talk. It didn’t work. She heard Tara sit down on the floor in front of her bed.

“Willow is everything alright?”

No everything is not alright, you are still doing your stuff, but can’t tell her that, I shouldn’t even be upset about anything. “Yes, everything is fine,” said Willow with a tone that clearly was discordant with the message.

“It doesn’t sound like it is. Did something happen?” Tara got up and walked over to Willow’s bed and kneeled beside it.

Willow nodded “no”.

“Do you not want to talk about it?”

“There isn’t anything to talk about,” snapped Willow. why did I do that. She doesn’t even know why I am upset and here I am snapping at her. Well at least she went back to her bed and isn’t going to push anymore. But maybe I should tell her, I don’t know. It isn’t any of my business. But it might make me feel better. “Do you really want to know what is the matter?” Willow sat up and leaned against the wall.

“Sure, if you want to tell me.”

“I am really pissed that you cut last night.”

“How do you know I cut?” asked Tara incredulously.

“The bloody tissue was a give away.”

“Why do you care?” asked Tara.

Willow paused, “I guess I care somewhat because I put my neck out on the line to save you from having to admit that you are cutting here, and then you do it the same day. But really, the real reason is…” what is the real reason? I don’t know. I don’t know.”

“Dr. Holt always says that ‘I don’t know’ means I don’t want to tell you. What don’t you want to tell me? I’m tough I can take it. ”

“She says that to me too.” Willow laughed and looked at her roommate. Seeing those clear blue eyes just made her feel better and she smiled. “It is just….I don’t know how to explain it…”

“Try.”

“Well, I guess at first I felt angry, ‘cause the whole sticking my neck out to protect you, but then I started to felt sad that you were so upset that you felt like you had to do that, and I wondered if I was a better roommate that maybe you wouldn’t have felt like you needed to do that. I also was wondering if I had let you answer the question, and you had told the truth, then maybe you would have given up whatever you have hidden in your Bible, and you wouldn’t have one more cut…”

“Wow, that is a lot of thinking.”

Willow tapped her head, “there is always a lot going on in here.” if you only knew, If you only knew

“I thought so…” Tara paused, “I am sorry that it made you upset. I just had so many feeling last night left over from the day, I needed to let them out somehow.”

Willow looked over at the girl who was clearly struggling with the explanation. She couldn’t totally relate, but she figured that it had to have something similar to why she restricted or purged.“I know the feeling, but I haven’t restricted or purged in over three days, and it feels really good.”

“I hadn’t cut for over a week. This is the first time I cut since you moved into the room. I am also really stressed out about my meeting tomorrow. I don’t want to see my father, and I don’t want to hear what everyone else has to say about me,” She paused, “but I am sorry that it made you upset. When I get focused on cutting, it is kind of hard to deal with the urge, and it didn’t really matter. If they found out that I am still cutting and found my stuff, I’d find something else.”

“So you don’t plan to stop?”

“I don’t know. I guess I do, because I don’t want to end up here or somewhere worse, but it makes me feel so relaxed.”

“Have you ever found anything else that relaxes you as well?”
Willow could see that the thoughts that the girl was having were painful, she heard her whisper. “N..n..not since my mom died. When she would hold me, I felt like everything was going to be alright.”


“You really miss her.”

“All the time.”

“I wish I could give you a hug.” what the fuck did you say that for, you don’t hug people, what it is about this girl that makes you feel like being near her? Oh my God, she’s going to think I am some touchy feely person.

“Me too.”

Willow looked at Tara and needed to exert some major self control not to embrace the girl. The two of them locked eyes, neither wanting to look away. Finally, Tara said, “So what about you? What relaxes you?”
“Um… I’m not a really relaxed kinda person. I tend to be pretty wound up, and my mom touching me makes it worse. I hate it when she tries to touch me. I really don’t like people in my personal space.”

“Is there anyone that you have ever wanted in your space?”

Oh my God, I can’t tell her the truth, I can’t tell her that there has only been one person that I have felt close enough to touch, and when I did…don’t think about it. It was awful. So shameful, but still I really still want to touch Tara? Will she react like Carley? I don’t know. Can’t tell Tara. Willow was shook out of her head when Tara said, “I’m going to take that as a yes…who was it?”

“I don’t know.” Don’t tell her, don’t tell her. She will know you are a freak.

“Yeah, sure.”

“I don’t want to say?” squeaked out Willow.

“Ok.”

Willow looked away and then picked up a book. She was relieved when Tara finally looked away and began reading again. Throughout the rest of the day, Willow tried to avoid Tara and that night she claimed fatigue, though it was very difficult for her to sleep. In the middle of the night, she woke up and felt badly that she hadn’t even offered to be there for her roommate who was worried about her day. She decided to write a note. She wrote it and put it beside Tara’s pillow so she could see it. She struggled over how to end the letter, trying to decide between yours, love, or nothing, she finally settled on,

Tara, Sorry I’ve been such a butt. I hope your day goes very well and that your dad doesn’t give you too much trouble. Love your roommie, Willow.

All through the next day, Willow could tell that Tara was emotional. Before her meeting, it seemed that the blond was anxious and worried, but after it, Willow could tell that it had not gone well. The usually bright and sparkling eyes were dull, and she seemed almost lifeless. It didn’t seem that anyone else sensed the difference in the girl, and Willow wondered why. She knew she was far from the most astute observer of human behavior, she wondered why she was so in-tune with this girl. She did not need to wonder long, because she knew the reason, she was drawn to this girl in a way that made her feel both excited and ashamed. Willow knew that the girl had put up her protective shields. She hoped that she’d be willing to let them down once they were in the privacy of their room.

Willow felt like she was getting a dose of her own medicine when she came into the room after getting her meds. Tara was lying on her bed with her back to Willow. Willow wondered initially whether she should just leave the girl alone, but her curiosity and a feeling that it was the right thing to do propelled her to the floor beside the girl’s bed. She sat on the floor so that she could quickly skitter toward her own should she hear the tell-tale sounds of the staff walking toward their room. you would think that they would wear more quiet shoes if they want to make sure we are not breaking the rules.

“Tara?” said Willow quietly.

“What?” snapped Tara.

“Um…sorry…I just thought…forget it, I don’t want to bother you. Sorry.” Willow began to get up to return to her own bed.

“No, stay,” Tara got off her own bed and sat at the corner of her bed so that the two were at the foot of their own beds and facing each other.

“So, how did your meeting go? I am guessing not so well from your mood.”

“It was alright.”

“Tara, come on, you can lie to everyone else, but please not to me. I promise I won’t tell anyone else anything you say. You’ve got to tell someone. I don’t know what you need to tell, but I can tell that you do, cause I know the feeling.”

“Do you make sense to yourself all the time Willow?” asked Tara with a smile in her voice.

“Most of the time.” Willow smiled back. “Let me try that again. Tara, please tell me what happened. I promise your secrets are safe with me. I hardly talk, why would I tell anyone?” Willow poked Tara with her foot.

Tara put her foot out so that if the girl wanted to do that again, she could. She had missed physical contact with another person, even negative contact. Tara understood the rules behind the “no touching” rule at the program, but she was a tactile person and the lack of it was really starting to effect her.

“Let’s just say that the meeting didn’t go so well. My dad was in his typical form and he was really clear that he had every intention of getting custody back of me, and that this was going to be my last opportunity for school. Dr. Holt also said some things that I really wonder about.” She paused, “Willow, I’m really scared. I don’t want to go back to that house. But if I tell what is happening, he promised he would find me and I would regret the day that my mother gave birth to me.”

“I know that feeling?” said Willow did I just say that aloud? Shit

“Huh?” asked Tara.

“Nothing.”

“You said that you know the feeling. I heard you.”

“Well, did you know I was adopted?”

“I think you told me that before, but didn’t give me any details.”

“Well, I was. My first few years of life really sucked to say the least. Often in the last few years have I regretted the fact that my bio mother gave birth to me.”

“How come?”

“I don’t know, I just don’t always….I don’t know. But we were talking about you, not me.”

“I don’t like talking about me.”

“Me either. ..not that I don’t like talking about you. I like you, I mean that I don’t like talking about me.”

Tara laughed, “I knew what you meant. You know you are really cute when you do that.”

“Huh?”

“When you start babbling about something that you feel you said wrong, or that someone could take wrong.”

cute, she thinks I’m cute The scene from Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer when Clarisse told him that he looked cute and he leaped into the air and began to fly, came flooding into her mind. She couldn’t help but smile. “So why do you think your dad is going to get custody back of you?”

“He said that he has gotten a lawyer and he’s doing all the stuff that he was told to do by DSS.”

“That sucks.”

“Definitely.”

There was a long pause, Willow didn’t know what to say. Finally when she realized that Tara wasn’t going to say anything more, she said, “I wish that there was something that I could do to help.”

“There isn’t anything you can do. Willow. I am on my own in this situation.”

“But I could listen, I am a good listener.”

“Wil, I can’t talk about it. It really isn’t a big deal. Probably a lot less than anything that happened to you.”

“But I can’t really remember what happened to me; it seems that you have really clear memories.”

“yeah.” Willow could sense that there was something that her roommate wanted to say. “Tara, is there something that you want to say.”

“Sorta, but I don’t want it to sound weird or to make you feel uncomfortable…”

‘Just say it.”

Willow heard Tara take in a deep breath and she said quietly, “Could you just sit next to me.”

“That is all… sure.” Willow pivoted herself so that she was sitting next to Tara.“I like sitting here, but why do you want me to do it?”

“It will sound stupid.”

“I can’t think of any reason that you could give that would sound stupid.”
“I…I..like you. I like being near you. I feel s..s..s..safe when I am with you.”

“That did not sound stupid at all. I’m glad that I make you feel safe. I feel kinda good when I am around you too.” Willow reached over and put her hand on Tara’s leg. She felt the girl wince, and Willow grabbed her hand away moving further away from the girl. “Sorry.”
‘N…n…no don’t be s..s..sorry. I…I ..just have a bruise there and it kinda hurt.” Tara moved closer to Willow again.

“Is that where you cut? I thought that you cut on the inside of your legs.” Shut up, she’s going to know that you’ve been looking at her, that you know where you cut….

“Um…no…it’s just a bruise, from where my d..d..dad grabbed my leg during the meeting.”

“Your dad grabbed you during the meeting?” said Willow a little louder than she had expected.

“Sh…they are going to hear you.”

“Sorry. Did anyone else see him do that?”

“No, he did it under the table and when they left us alone.”

“They left you alone?”

“Yeah, he tricked them. He knew to ask the director who didn’t really know the deal.

“Stupid adults


“Yup.”

“Speaking of stupid adults, we’d better get back in our beds, they are going to be shining that stupid flashlight in our window soon.”
The two girls went into their beds.

Willow was almost asleep when she heard Tara whispering, “Willow are you still awake?”

“Yeah.”

“C..c..can I ask you another question?”

“Sure.”

“Day before yesterday when I was talking about missing my mom, you alluded to the fact that there was only one person that you felt comfortable in your space, who is/was it.”

should I tell her…what is she going to think about me…what is the worst thing that can happen, Rosenberg, she’ll hate you. Won’t be the first person or the last.. “Her name was Carley, she was the assistant softball coach when I was 12. I..I worshipped her, she was the first adult that seemed to really like me for me. I was so stupid…”

Stupid, how come?”

“It is so embarrassing.”
“Huh?”

“Tara.?”

“Yeah, Willow?”

“Remember the stuff that Anya said about me.”

“Yeah…”

“It’s kinda true… I think…actually I know…that I’m…it’s really hard to say…Tara I am gay.”

“Ok.”

“Ok, that is all you are going to say? Ok. Not oh my God, or gross, or something like that, Ok?”

“I sort of figured it, I just didn’t want to assume.”

“What made you figure it?”


“Just stuff you’ve said, and how you reacted to Anya’s comments, and I guess my own kinda gaydar”

“Gaydar?”

“Yeah, you know gaydar…that knowledge of who is gay or lesbian.”

“Oh…I don’t know if I have that… I sort of wish I did, maybe it would have told me to stay far away from Carley.”

“Willow, what did she do to you?”

“Nothing.”

“Yeah, I believe that.”

“She…she…I can’t say it. It’s too embarrassing.”

“You don’t need to be embarrassed around me. “

“Well…I..I worshipped her. As I said she was the first adult to seem to treat me like I wasn’t some type of damaged goods, she treated me like an adult…Well, let’s just say that she treated me more like an adult than she should have…”

“Did, Did she molest you?”

“Huh?”

“You heard what I asked.”

“Um…I…I guess you could say that…I..I didn’t think so at the time…I thought that I was a willing participant, but then…she started making me do things to her and to her friends…she said that if I didn’t she’d tell my parents…she ended up telling them anyway. She told them that I had a big crush on her and that my imagination was running wild. She totally sold me out. My parents freaked, that was the beginning of all of these problems. They’d had me in therapy since I was little, but it began to focus on curing me after all of this.”

“I’m sorry that it happened to you.”

“Me too. I know it sounds stupid, but I was sort of hoping that my first time would be special, it wasn’t it was pretty brutal.”

“That sucks.”

“Yup, it does both literally and figuratively.”

“Well, thanks for telling me. I know that was hard.”

“Thanks for listening.”


“Always. I will always listen to you. Even after we are out of here, I hope we can stay in touch. I want to be here for you.”

“Me too.”

The girl’s conversation was stopped by a flashlight shining on their beds. Both girls closed their eyes, and soon fell asleep.

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Meeting Expectations


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (9/28/09)
PostPosted: Mon Sep 28, 2009 11:36 pm 
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I hope Tara's able to get the courage to tell Willow her stuff as well now that Willow has shared...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (9/28/09)
PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 12:36 am 
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Yay for great update-y goodness... Big yay for Willow opening up to Tara. I hope Tara returns the favor...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (9/28/09)
PostPosted: Tue Sep 29, 2009 1:23 am 
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Despite the the fact that they both have some serious issues and have had very tough lives - making this fic hard to read, I am really really enjoying it.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (10/10/09)
PostPosted: Sat Oct 10, 2009 5:28 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:33 pm
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Location: North Carolina, USA
Pontiac: Glad you are enjoying it. I know it is hard to read, but all the info is needed for the plot to continue.
Thanks for reading and feedbacking.

Zampsa1975: The wait is going to be a little longer, Tara's got good reasons not to tell anyone her secrets.

Laragh: Thanks for reading. I love your stuff, so it is neat that you are reading mine.


Title: Meeting Expectations
Author: TaranWillow4Ever
Rating: PG-R for now
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters, I just imagine other lives for them.
Spoilers: None
Feedback: Please
Thoughts in italics.

Note: This story contains elements of abuse - physical and emotional, that are either eluded to if not outright described. If anything of this sort bothers you, then please do not read this story

Short chapter to move things along. More will be coming soon.

Chapter 18

Tara woke up wondering if the conversation that she had with Willow was real or a dream. Her knowledge that it was not a dream was elucidated when Willow asked her if she was still all right about all the stuff she had told her.

“Yeah, totally cool. I think you should talk to Dr. Holt about it though. What she did to you was wrong.”

“Sure I talk to Dr. Holt and before we can come back for lunch, I’ll be moved into my own single so that I don’t molest you. Big dangerous lesbian that I am; you can’t trust any of the adults around here. You can’t trust adults period. Look at what the director of the program let your dad do, they are supposed to be here to protect us, but they don’t.”

“You really think Dr. Holt would do that?” asked Tara.

“In an instant”

“I think she is cooler than that.”

“Well, what you tell her is your own business; I’m not going to tell her about Carly. Are you going to tell her about your father grabbing you under the table?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Cause it will create more problems than it will help.”

“My point exactly.”

“I guess you are right.”

+++
What she was going to tell Dr. Holt became a quick decision, when the woman came to get her out of the cafeteria.

Once they sat down, the woman said, “Sorry about having to get you early, but I have to be in another meeting at our regular time. Do you think that this would be an OK time to meet instead?”

“I guess so.” Actually it is an excellent time to meet, I get to miss morning meeting. But don’t tell her, she’ll change her mind.

“So, Tara, how did you feel about your meeting?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you think it went well? How was it seeing your father?”

“It was Ok.”

The woman looked at her expectantly, like she believed that Tara would elucidate her comment. After a few minutes, the doctor said.“Not feeling like talking today?”

“No, I just don’t know what you expect me to say. It was a meeting with my father. He wants to get back custody of me, he wants me to drop out of school. He wants me to come home and take care of him and my brother.”

“What do you want?”

“Huh?”

“You just said what your father wants, what do you want. Do you want to go home? Do you want to drop out of school? Do you want to take care of them?”

“I really doesn’t matter. You said yourself, that he is a character, a misogynistic and opinionated man.”

“I don’t think I used those exact words” replied the therapist.

“Well, you said that my warnings were true, that he wouldn’t talk directly to you, and that he was a character, I know what that means, I’m not stupid.”

“You are far from stupid Tara. That’s why it is a shame that he wants you to drop out of school. You could go to college.”

“Takes money to go to college, Dr. Holt. Money that my father will not spend. He thinks education is wasted on women.”

“He pretty much said that to all of us. He didn't seem to care that most of us were women.”

“I’m sure that he did say that and he didn't think about it's effect on all of you. He’s been saying it to everyone since I was little. Ever since my mom died, he’s made comments about wanting me to turn 16 so that I can stay home all day and take care of the house in the way a woman should.”

“Is that what you want to do?”

“It doesn’t matter. It is what is going to happen. He is going to get custody, I’m going to go home and I am going to be stuck in his house until I get married or he dies.”

“That doesn’t sound like what you want. Do you want to get married?”

“Sure, what woman doesn’t want to get married?”

“I can think of a lot of them, but Tara can I ask you a direct question?”

“Sure.”

“Does your dad hit you?”

where the fuck did that come from? . “Why, does it matter? It’s not illegal for parents to hit their children for discipline, just as long as you don’t leave marks.”

“His words exactly. Sounds like you’ve heard that script before. He made a comment about “spare the rod, spoil the child. When asked about discipline in your household, he said that he used physical punishment, but that you were an obedient girl, and didn’t need his belt too much. But that if you kept up your funny business, I assumed he meant your cutting, and that he’d ‘take care of it’. His tone sort of made me think he’d beat the behavior out of you. Do you think that is true? It also seemed that he believed that your behaviors could be changed with prayer. He also was really upset that we were not making you go to church. He couldn’t understand why we couldn’t make you.”

“I should be going; I just keep forgetting to ask the unit manager.”

“Do you want to go to church?”

“Sure I like church.”

There was another awkward silence. Tara looked around the room and stared at the wall clock, watching the hand tick. After a few minutes, Dr Holt interrupted her attention on the clock. “Tara I feel like there is something you are not telling me.”

“I don’t know what you are expecting me to tell you.”

“I’m not expecting anything. So you had your first disclosure since our last session too. How did it go?”

“Pretty good, except for Willow and Anya getting into it.”

“Why do you think that happened?”

“I don’t know? Willow said that she was just upset and it came out. Anya’s got a big mouth.”

“How are the two of you getting along?”

“Me and Anya, we don’t talk much.”

“No, I meant you and Willow.”

“Oh… pretty good. She is a nice kid. She’s a good roommate.” She is wonderful, cute, funny, charming, sweet Tara thought about all the positive things that she felt about her roommate. She smells nice, she makes me feel calm and serene. I love it when she touches me. I almost feel as good with her as I did with Mama. Wonder what this woman would say if I told her all of this. Willow is probably right, one of us would be moved quickly, and probably my father would be told, and that would be the end of it. He’d probably marry me off to some old man, to keep me from my sinful behaviors, after he beat me and raped me within an inch of my life.

“It looks like you are thinking about a lot of things Tara, care to share?”

“Not really. Just thinking about school.”

“That is your default answer isn’t it?”

“Huh?”

“Whenever I try to ask you to tell me what you are thinking, you default to thinking about school. I know you like school, but I doubt you think about it all the time.”

“Well, it is where I am supposed to be…”

“Ok, I get the hint, but as I said before, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what is really going on.”

Tara nodded and followed the woman back to the school room. As Tara sat down at her desk, she swore that Willow winked at her on her way out with the therapist.

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Meeting Expectations


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (10/10/09)
PostPosted: Sat Oct 10, 2009 6:16 pm 
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5. Willowhand
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I really like this story
It talks about things that not a lot of stories do
I really hope that Tara doesn't have to go and live with her dad
and I feel bad for Willow with what happened with the Carly lady
That wasn't cool
I hope that Tara will open up to Willow soon
I get that she needs time though
Can't wait for more :-D

Ash :peace


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (10/10/09)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 1:30 am 
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Yay for good update-y goodness... I truly hope that Tara tells Willow exactly what her father & brother has done to her so that Willow can begin her snuggle-therapy...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (10/10/09)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 3:34 am 
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Ms. Moderator Fantastico
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This story is so sad but so awesome.

I really, really, really hope Tara can open up to someone...I think I'll cry if she ends up in her father's custody again.

Can't wait for more

:peace

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (10/10/09)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 11, 2009 4:31 am 
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Wow. Everytime an update comes up I debate whether to read it or not. It's so realistic and well and painfully written. I mean these kids are really messed up and I have a hard time imagining that things will get better for them. I like the relationships between them as they try to grow stronger but it's hard. Well done.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (10/10/09)
PostPosted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 5:03 pm 
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6. Sassy Eggs

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Same disclaimers. This chapter is PG.

Chapter 20
Willow saw Tara and Dr. Holt coming through the door. She found herself grinning just seeing the blond haired girl I told her I was gay, and she didn’t flinch. She didn’t move away, she still talked to me. It is so cool When she was getting up to follow the woman, Willow found herself winking at Tara.

“You seem rather happy today Willow,” said the therapist as they were walking down the hallway. “There is a spring in your step. Care to share what is going well today.”

“Um I don’t know, maybe it is the weather.”

Dr. Holt looked out the window in the hallway on the way to her therapy room. It was a cold, grey day and it seemed to be raining.
“Well, not usually the kind of weather that excites people…”

Willow looked out the window and realized that this default was probably not the best one she could have chosen. “Well, I like rain. It makes me want to feel all cozy and warm, curling up with a good book and a cup of tea and all.”

“Do you do that often? Curl up with a book and a cup of tea?”

“Sure. I like to read.” Despite her inward admonishment to seem less perky, Willow could not get herself back into her usual sullen mood. They entered the room. Willow took her usual spot and put her hands in her sweatshirt’s pocket. She tried to calm herself down so she could go into her usual almost meditative state of not talking to the therapist.
“So Willow, you have a community meeting soon, and I think you are going on your first home visit, right?”

“I guess.”

“So what should I expect at your meeting. Tell me a little about your parents again. They are academics right?”

“Yes, Ira and Sheila Rosenberg, married 25 years, infertile, adopted me when I was three. They both are really smart. I will be surprised if both of them come to the meeting. They are usually very busy; I bet my mom will have some excuse to make the meeting go as fast as she can. She tries to seem like she is interested, but really she just wants me to be fixed and normal. They will talk about all the therapies and schools and treatments they have tried, they will talk about how difficult of a kid I was and how food has always been an issue. They will try to get you all to feel sorry for them, the poor adoptive parents who just wanted to make a child’s life better.”

“You sound pissed.”

“No, just been down this street before. They just can’t accept me for who I am, I am not what they expected when they decided to adopt. They should have gotten a baby; then they could have molded it to their liking. The only thing that they are proud of is that I am so smart. I am a big disappointment.”

“They have said that to you?”

“They don’t need to say it, their actions and expressions clearly show it.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive, I can never be what they want, so I’ve given up trying.”

“What do they want?”

“A smart, calm, perfect, outgoing, sweet, straight shit did I just say that, fuck, fuck, fuck , beautiful, articulate young lady who will show how wonderful they are; a model student, a varsity athlete or cheerleader, the prom queen, a popular kid.

“You are not any of those things?”

“Nothing but smart.” Please don’t pick up the straight part, please.
“Well I think you are a good kid, and you are pretty popular here. Nobody can be perfect,”

“Yeah, I’m popular among the crazy kids. Great.”

“So you’ve told me what your parents want you to be, what do you want?”
“I don’t know…. I mean, let me think…. I want to be a scientist. I want to be loved and accepted for who I am. I want to be independent. I want to put my past behind me. I want to make my parents proud. I want to find my brothers and make sure they are ok.”

“Do you think you can do any of those things?”

“Some of it, I think my siblings are all adopted out, so it will be hard to find them, and I doubt the proud parents, unless of course I win a Nobel, but by the time that could happen, they’d be dead. It takes decades to win a Nobel for science”

“Don’t set you goals too high.” said the therapist sarcastically.

“Wonderful, I get a sarcastic therapist, like I don’t have enough adults like that in my life”

“Willow, are you ok? You are seeming a little manic, you are taking your meds right?”

“I take what they give me.”

“Are you feeling manic?”

“If manic is feeling happy, feeling hopeful, then yes. I am not feeling as depressed, but manic? I don’t think so”

“Well, I like the talkative Willow. It makes me feel like we can do some work.”

“Don’t get your hopes too high. I am still Willow. I pride myself on being able to outlast adults and frustrate therapists.”

“You sound proud.”

“I guess I am sort of.”

“What would happen if you didn’t do that, if you worked with, rather than against me?”

“Don’t know…”

“Willing to find out?”

“Not sure…”

“What is the worst thing that can happen?”

“I don’t know, everything could explode, everything that feels like it is going well, could tank, I would cease being me.”

“Wow, that is pretty major. You got lots of reasons to not change.”

“You know this sarcasm isn’t pretty,” Winces when she realizes how rude she is being, but sees that the therapist does not seem fazed.

“Willow, I’ve been working here for almost 20 years, you can’t faze me. I can take whatever you deal me, just as long as you don’t become physically aggressive.”

Yeah sure, sounds like a dare to me Willow smiled at the therapist.

+++


“So I almost came out to her. I don’t know if she heard me say that one of the things that my parents wanted from me was to be straight. If she did, she ignored it. I guess the history of “gender confusion” and “obsession with adult females” followed in my chart.” Said Willow, plopping herself down on her bed during room time. “You know, I might even decide to volunteer to tell my story this afternoon, strike while the iron is hot and everything” she paused, “Dr. Holt accused me of being manic, do you think I am manic Tar?”

“Um…I don’t know, what does it look like when you are “so called manic?” said Tara.

“Sort of like this, but I don’t think this is a chemical thing, I think it is a happy thing. Can I tell you that getting the Carley stuff off my chest and telling you one of my secrets. I never really understood that whole idea of “a weight off my chest”, but it really happens, I feel lighter.

“Careful at your weight, you could float away,” teased Tara.

“I know you’d catch me.”

Oh My God, what did I just say…beside’s being corny that implies that she’d be around to catch me. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Maybe I am manic.

“I will you know” said Tara softly.

“Huh?” said Willow coming out of her self-flagellation fog.

“Be available to catch you if you need me. I want to be there for you. Willow, I haven’t really ever had a friend that I clicked with like I do with you. I wasn’t kidding when I said I wanted to keep in touch after we both get out of this place.

“I’d like to be there for you too, if you would let me.”

“I know,” said Tara.

They were both silent, and were leaving the comment hanging in the air. A few minutes later, room time was over and the girls circled up to have their afternoon planning group. At this meeting, Willow announced her intention to tell her story at the after dinner meeting.

Buffy requested to be the peer facilitator and she called the meeting to order. She asked Tara to say the expectations for the group.
“Raise your hand to be called on, stay seated, group is confidential, no peer bashing,” she said rather quietly.

‘You forgot to identify the consequences for speaking out,” blurted out Anya.

“Um, one off-task is a warning, two is a trip to the corner during or after the meeting.”

“Anya, that was your first warning,” admonished one of the staff members.
Her body language expressed frustration on being called out for trying to help Tara.

Ok, Willow asked to use our group time to do her first disclosure of why she was sent to the Maples. It is yours Willow.”

Willow felt a strong sense of dread and regretted that she had volunteered to share her story.

“W..w…well, as most of you probably know, I am here because I have an eating disorder. I’ve had anorexia for the past maybe...four years. It all started cause I was tired of my parents getting on my case for hiding food in my room. I figured that if I just didn’t eat, then they’d get off my back. They were all upset because they thought I was getting fat. I just wanted them to leave me alone about the food stuff, but they, really my mother was trying to make sure ‘I stayed slim ‘. My parents are on my back a lot. They had a lot of expectations for me when they adopted me, and I feel like I have not met most of them. They adopted me when I was three years old. I don’t remember anything about my birth family, but the stories about what I was subjected to are pretty bad. I guess food was an issue when I was a baby, so when they got me, I ate a lot and they were really worried that I was going to end up being a fat kid. Sometimes I think that they would have been better adopting a puppy, because they could have had more control over it. I know that I have massive control issues, I am trying to work on them, but it is hard.”

“So do you just restrict, or do you binge and purge” asked Cordelia.

“Um, some of both, but mostly restricting.”

“When was the last time you purged? We all know that you’ve been restricting, or you wouldn’t have the food police on you.” Said Buffy.

“Um, I’d be lying if I said I haven’t done it since I got here. I think I purged a few times my first few days, but I’ve gone over a week.” She looked at the staff member.

“What made you stop?” asked Amy.

“Um…I don’t know…I mean, I just decided that it was a good idea. I really hate having the food police as you call it always watching me. If I gain some weight and keep it on, they are going to let me start participating in PE and may stop watching me so closely.”

“Red, honestly, don’t you like that attention?” piped up Faith.

“No, I don’t. I hate having adults watching my every mood. Some people might like adult attention, but I’d just as soon be ignored by most adults, most people actually.”

“I heard that most kids, who have eating disorders have been sexually abused, were you?” asked Anya in the blunt manner for which she was notorious.

“Um…” she looked at Tara.

“Why are you looking at Blondie, I mean Tara?” asked Faith.

Willow felt like her head was going to explode and she figured that her face was really red. All eyes were on either her or Tara. “Well, if I tell you why then I am sort of answering the question…Tara was the first person I told about my abuse, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to talk about it with other people…it is all complicated.”

“Why did you tell Tara?” asked Buffy.

“Um…I guess ‘cause she asked point blank and I didn’t feel like lying. It is complicated.”

“You keep saying that Willow. What is complicated about it?”

“Well, for one, my parents don’t believe me, and two I don’t know if it really was abuse or I was just taken advantage of.”

“Was the person more than three years older than you?” asked Anya.

“Yeah.”

“Obviously you were under 16, ‘cause you aren’t 16 yet. So it was abuse.” Continued Anya. “Who was it?”

“A coach.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you,” said Buffy in a very sympathetic manner
.
“Me too,” murmured Amy and Cordelia.

Oh my Goddess, shit are they going to ask if the coach was a man or a woman? Maybe they will just assume that it was a man.
Willow remained quiet, and the meeting ended.
+++

“I just don’t know what to do with her anymore. We have tried everything. We have taken her too the finest doctors and therapists, and it just didn’t seem to help. We were sure that with enough love and attention we could help her overcome her past, but how did she reward us, temper tantrums, hoarding food, and anorexia. I just don’t know what to do, and obviously you don’t either” Sheila Rosenberg looked at Dr. Holt. “She’s still not gaining weight, and you say she’s not talking in therapy. What ware we paying for? Someone to watch her eat? We could hire someone to do that at a lot less per day.”

“She actually is responding rather well to the milieu, she’s made a few friends and she and her roommate are really supportive of each other.

”“Willow is incapable of making friends.”


“Sheila!” gasped Ira Rosenberg.

“Well, Ira remember what her last therapist said. He said that Willow had an attachment disorder and we shouldn’t expect her to be popular of have friends. She’s never had many friends. She has always been a little odd.”

“Well Mr. & Mrs. Rosenberg, Willow does seem to be making friends here. We try not to have expectations for kid’s behaviors based on their diagnoses. We just try to help kids where they are and help them to move to where they want to be.”

“Sounds kinda flaky.”

Ira rolled his eyes and looked at Dr. Holt. “What my wife is trying to say is that it is different. Willow’s seemed a lot happier since she has been here, so something has to be working Sheila.”

“I don’t know… How has her lying been? She hasn’t accused anyone of doing things to her has she? We had a lot of trouble with her coach who was just trying to be supportive or her and Willow totally took it the wrong way. She has been a liar since she began to talk. Never could get her to tell the truth.”

“Well, we haven’t experienced her lying. The one time she got in trouble, she did a good time taking responsibility for her behavior and accepted her peer’s feedback.”

“I am sure she didn’t mean it.” Sighed Sheila.

“Well, it did seem genuine… are we ready to have Willow come to the meeting?” asked Dr. Holt anxious to get out of this hostile situation. She walked out of the meeting and went to get Willow from the school wing.

“Are you packed for your home visit?” she asked as they were walking toward the dorm to get her belongings.

“Uh, huh.”

“So, we’ve been telling your parents how much progress you have been making. Your parents have been filling us up on some of your early history. It’s been a good meeting.”

“Mom hasn’t been too negative, convinced you that I am the devil incarnate.”

“No, nothing like that…”

They picked up Willow’s bag, grabbed her meds and walked to the conference room.

Willow walked into the room, gave her father a big kiss on the cheek and sat down beside him, looking briefly at her mother.

“So Willow, how do you think you’ve been doing here?” asked her social worker.

“Pretty good, I’ve been eating better and doing my school work. I probably could be talking more in therapy and group, but I think I am doing Ok.”

“We think the same thing. So are you looking forward to your home visit?”
Willow looked to both of her parents, and said, “yes ma’am.”

“So do we need to delineate the rules?”

“Um..are they different than they used to be? No taking food without asking. Bedtime is 11:00. Keep my room and my bathroom neat. Only two hours a day on the computer. Follow directions.”

“Those pretty much are it, sweetie.” Said Ira.

The whole family stood up, the staff gave Mr. Rosenberg her meds, and they all walked out of the building.

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Meeting Expectations


Last edited by taranwillow4ever on Fri Oct 23, 2009 11:13 am, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/14/09)
PostPosted: Wed Oct 14, 2009 5:22 pm 
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32. Kisses and Gay Love
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Sheila's such an ass. I fear for Willow, a home visit can do so much wrong, especially if one of the parents is being so negative.
I'm so happy she managed to talk and say a bit of her history.

And yay for Tara wanting to catc her if she were to float away :p

*hugs Thanks for the update!!!

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