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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/18/2009)
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 12:59 pm 
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6. Sassy Eggs

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:33 pm
Posts: 475
Location: North Carolina, USA
Title: Meeting Expectations
Author: TaranWillow4Ever
Rating: PG -R
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters; I just imagine other lives for them.
Spoilers: None; Totally AU
Distribution: Sure, just tell me where you are putting it.
Feedback: Please, I am playing with POV, sorry to those who don't like inconsistency.
Note: This story contains elements of abuse - physical and emotional, that are either eluded to if not outright described. If anything of this sort bothers you, then please do not read this story

Thoughts in italics.

Part 33
“So I see that you still don’t eat much” said Tara watching Willow nibble at a half of her sandwich and a few chips. They were sitting at an outside table in front of the deli.

“I have my good days and my bad days. I’m just not that hungry right now.”

“I’ve heard that before. Willow, it is me Tara, you don’t need to lie to me about your eating.”

“Seriously, I am not lying. I guess I am sort of nervous, I lose my appetite pretty easily.”

“Do I make you nervous?”

“Um…sort of…not really…yes…It is not you, it is the situation. I’ve been so looking forward to seeing you, but now that you are here, I don’t know what to say to you. I’ve had so many conversations with you in my brain, and I’ve got to remember that you are not privy to any of them. There are so many questions I want to ask you, and I don’t know which ones are appropriate, or which ones I should ask.”

“So tell me about some of these conversations or questions you want to ask.”

Willow blushed, “Well, initially I spent a lot of my time sort of just making a running commentary about my day and my thoughts. If I’d written you all the things I wanted to, you would have had a very full mailbox. I just wanted to share everything with you. It was hard not knowing where you were or what you were doing. I missed you so much. I felt really hopeful when I got your letter, but as the months progressed, I began to feel hopeless. Honestly, I didn’t think I was ever going to see or talk to you again. I really doubted that we’d ever see each other again.
“It was hard for me too. I was really surprised to find out that you’d not just gone on with your life and forgot about me.”

“I could never forget you. But, I can understand if you were questioning where I had gone and other things. ”

Willow paused for about a minute, and then she quietly said, “Do you think you’ll ever feel comfortable telling me about it?”

“About what?”

“Tara” said Willow wrinkling up her forehead and showing a little exasperation.

“I don’t know. There is a lot of it I just want to forget.”

“Is that working for you?”

“No… Well, sometimes”

“Are you talking to someone?”

“Sort of.”

“Huh? Sort of, either you have a therapist or you don’t.”

“Well, I have a therapist, she’s not anything like Dr. Holt, but I’ve told her some stuff. She encouraged me to come see you. She said that I got a sort of happy glow whenever I talked about you, and she thought that you were good for me.”

“I like her.”

“You are such a goof.”

“Yep, that is me Willow the goof.”

The girls looked around and saw that there were people waiting to get a table. Willow asked for a ‘to go’ bag and put most of her sandwich in it.
“So what do you want to do now?” asked Willow.

“I don’t care.”

“Well, we can go to my room and hang out, we can go for a walk through the forest, we can walk to the beach. I’m not sure we will be able to go on the beach because it is tribal land and you are supposed to get permission, but we can go look over the cliffs and see where the river meets the ocean.”

“I really don’t care. I am just happy being here with you.”

“Me too.” Willow wanted to take Tara’s hand, but noticed that the taller girl had put her hands in her pocket. Well, that is a pretty clear message. Are you going to get up the nerve to ask her where we stand?

Tara nodded. They walked back toward the hotel.

“So are you up to a six mile walk?”

“Sure, are you?”

“Yeah, I tend to walk more than that a day. Walking is how I get my exercise. “

“Remember when they wouldn’t let you walk hardly at all when we were at the Maples. I thought that you were going to go crazy.”

Willow laughed, “I’ve got a lot of excess energy that I need to burn off or I feel sort of crazy.”

“So Will…have you really gotten a handle on your eating disorder. You hardly ate anything, and now you are telling me that you walk more than 6 miles a day.”

“No, it’s not that, I just like being outside. I like walking. I promise that I am doing a good job not restricting or purging. I haven’t lost any weight in almost five months. Once I got a better understanding of what created my eating disorder, it was a lot easier to get control of it.”

“Can I ask what you discovered?”

“Sure.” Willow was silent.

“Are you waiting for me to ask you what you discovered?”

“No” said Willow shaking her head. “I just don’t know where to start. There are several reasons that kind of combined to cause it. I haven’t quite figured out which is the most important or which is the strongest. Of course, most people think that the main reason is that I wanted to feel some control in my life, my parents were trying to micromanage me, and that was one of the only things that they couldn’t control. But I don’t really think that is most of it. How much do you remember about my story?”

“Not much, I know you were adopted, and I know things were not so great before you got adopted.”

“Well, supposedly my first couple of years of life was really bad. I don’t really remember it, but my parents and some of the social workers told me that when DSS came into the apartment and found me, I was covered with flea bites and I had multiple impetigo patches. The only food in the apartment was an empty jar of peanut butter and some fruit punch. Supposedly my mom had left me and my brothers alone for almost three days. I think my oldest brother ended up knocking on a neighbor’s door to ask for some crackers, and the neighbor called the police. I had bottle rot, and needed to have several of my teeth removed. That is actually one of my first memories, being in the dentist chair and him trying to put a needle in my mouth. They had to tie me down, and I just remember all of these adult faces staring at me and telling me to be good. I had lots of cavities too, so I guess I had to go to the dentist a lot. I can sort of remember my mouth hurting really badly from some sort of dentist appointment. It also was really hard to eat without the six teeth they removed. That was one of the reasons.

“Poor little Willow, that must have been so scary.”

“I guess”, Willow shrugged. “I was put in three different foster homes before I went to live with my adoptive parents. In all three of the houses, the parents didn’t want me because I was so aloof and lacked emotion, except when I was having these major temper tantrums. Supposedly I was a little red headed devil episodically. They said that all I wanted to do was look at picture books. I didn’t want to talk. If people tried to get me to talk, or took away my books I would go ballistic. I guess for awhile they thought I was autistic, but now they say that I was selectively mute. Can you believe that, babbling Willow, quiet? In the first house, I was with my older brothers, but eventually I was separated from them. They were adopted by their second family and nobody will tell me where they are. I can hardly remember them. Supposedly they pretty much took care of me. My mom was a serious drug addict and most likely a prostitute. I realized in therapy with Dr. Holt that there was a little piece of me that felt guilty and responsible for being taken away from my family. I thought if I just didn’t need to eat, then nobody would have known we were in there and maybe Mom would have come home, fed us and we’d live happily ever after. I guess the selective mutism is a part too because it was all about control. I felt out of control, and talking was a way to control the adults and keep them off my back. People wanted me to talk so badly, but I didn’t have anything to say, and I didn’t want to do anything for these people who I felt had taken away my entire family. Wanna hear something funny?”

“Sure,” said Tara, stopping and looking at Willow.

“They were so surprised, how I started talking was by reading a book aloud. I had taught myself how to read by looking at the picture books”

“That doesn’t surprise me at all. Willow, I just wish I could hug that little kid. You must have been so scared.”

“I guess. I don’t really remember. You can hug the big kid if you want?” Willow looked at Tara with a flirtatious grin.

Tara put her arms around the smaller girl and gave her a big hug. Oh my God, I can’t believe that I just asked her for this, and I can’t believe how wonderful this feels. I could stay in her arms forever.”

A car passed them and honked its horn causing the girls to jump apart. Tara seemed like she was going to put her hands in her pocket, when Willow took the one closest to her and began to hold it.

“Is this all right?”

Tara nodded her head.

Willow had a hard time focusing on telling her story once they began to hold hands again. Her hands are so soft, and warm. Ask her Rosenberg, ask her what she wants out of this relationship.

“So what happened after you started to read and talk?”

“Well, Sheila and Ira were so excited to find out that I could read, they gave me all sorts of books and had me show off to their friends how well I could read. I remember starting kindergarten and thinking that it was so boring because I was already reading third grade books. For the first few years of school, they just let me hang out in the classroom and read and do my work independently. My parents got me a bunch of tutors, so by the time I was in mid elementary school I was doing Jr. High School work. I started Algebra when I was in fifth grade. For some stupid reason, they thought that it was a good idea to put a 9 year old into classes in the middle school. Ira and Sheila were so proud of their gifted adoptive child. My mom tried to take all of the credit saying that I got all of my intelligence from her stimulating my brain with books ever since she got me. It was always when she “got” me, like I was a puppy. She’d talk about all of the stuff that had happened to me when I was little, and how wonderful she was to have rescued this poor unfortunate waif. She’d do all of this right in front of me; she’d act like couldn’t hear. Hello, intelligent kid here…I am sorry Tara, I’m having trouble keeping this in a sequential order.”

“No problem”

“Well, the part that has to do with the eating disorder has to do with my urge to hoard food. Ever since my first foster home, I would take food and hide it. I know now, that I was doing it because I felt deprived when I was little, but at the time, it just seemed like something fun to do, and that it made it so I didn’t have to ask for permission to eat. Well, I got into a big power struggle over this hoarding food. My mom couldn’t accept that it was just something I did; she made it into this big issue of me stealing from her. Like a couple packages of chips were really going to break her financially. I found out that some therapists suggest that parents just give their kids some type of box to put food in so that it doesn’t attract bugs. But no, Sheila was going to cure me of this stealing/hoarding problem. She was also really afraid that I would get fat, so she wanted to have control over everything I ate. When she’d mess with what I could eat, I would get so scared and angry, that is what they called the rages. I still say I was just trying to fight for what I wanted. “

“I think I was about nine, yeah it was the same time I went to Middle School and had more control over what I picked out at the cafeteria, when I decided that it would just be easier not to eat, there wouldn’t be the problem with the hoarding, and there wouldn’t be a problem about me getting fat. I thought that it would just make things better with my mom if we just took food out of the equation. Well, that obviously didn’t work well. I was hospitalized for the first time with anorexia when I was ten. I passed out and kinda had a heart attack.”

“Willow you can’t kinda have a heart attack.” said Tara.

“Well, my heart started beating funny, electrolyte imbalance. They force fed me and got me up to a weight that was high enough for what they called health. By then it really was a power struggle which I kept up until just recently. It got even harder when the Carley stuff happened and my parents didn’t believe me. It made me stop wanting to try. Also, getting all girly wasn’t something I wanted. I didn’t want my period, I didn’t want to be noticed by anyone for being a girl. It was so much easier just not to…to..develop.”

“Hence the baggy androgynous clothing.”

“Yes. I could pass as a younger boy and just sort of fade into the woodwork.”

“Do..Do..Do you still n..n..not like being a girl?”

Willow laughed, “I like it alright. It’s not like I wanted to be a boy, it was just that I knew I liked girls ‘like that’ and the only way I could conceptualize it was by being a boy. Boy’s liked girls. It’s not like my parents presented anything other than heterosexuality to me, and I was sort of cloistered. When I discovered that it was possible for girls to like girls and boys to like boys, everything fell into place, but by then I was so deep into the disease that it really didn’t matter.”

“Oh.” Tara blushed.

“Why are you blushing.” Man, let her be blushing because she’s thinking about my girly parts

“Well, I was just thinking that I like that you are a girl.”

“How come?” asked Willow trying to look innocent.

“Willow” said Tara looking uncomfortable.

“What ?” Willow batted her eyelashes.

“You know.”

“I know a lot, genius here” she pointed to herself, “but I don’t know what you are thinking, I’m not psychic.”

“It would be so much easier if you were. Then I could just have you look into my mind, see all the things that are in it, and figure if you really wanted to be around it.”

“I am pretty sure that I would. Listen, Tara. Let’s sit down over there.” She pointed at a bench up the way. They both walked there and sat down. Willow took both of Tara’s hands and looked directly into her blue eyes. Tara tried to avoid the eye contact, but Willow insisted that she look at her. “Tara, I hear that you think that I can’t handle all the stuff that has happened to you. But I am pretty sure I can. I don’t know how we can even pursue any type of relationship without some honesty and sharing.”

Tara looked down and Willow decided not to fight it. “IS that really what you want? T..t..to p…p..pursue a r..r..r..relationship with m..m..me”.

“More than anything in the world.”

“Really?”

“Really. Tara, I know we haven’t seen each other in almost two years, but the feelings I was having when you left are still really strong, I’m not going to use the “L” word, because it has so much stuff surrounding it, but I like you A LOT.”

“As a friend or…”

“as an ‘or’. I still want to be your girlfriend. And I hope you feel the same way? Please say ‘yes’ Please say ‘yes’

There was a long pause that made Willow feel very nervous, but after a few moments, Tara said, “Yeah. But it is scary. We live so far apart, and you’re still in high school. I’ve never…”

“Actually I am in college, but I am still 16, there is no way around that. But I am sure that there are lots of daycares around colleges, we can figure it out if you want to, and the ‘I’ve never… ‘we can take care of it when the time comes. I wouldn’t ask you to do anything you were not comfortable with. ”

Tara looked shyly at Willow who was still holding her hands, “I would be comfortable with kissing you.”

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Meeting Expectations


Last edited by taranwillow4ever on Mon Oct 25, 2010 5:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/19/2009)
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 1:45 pm 
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19. Yummy Face
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Yay for great update-y goodness... Big yay for Willow figuring out the roots of her eating disorder and her temper tantrums... I truly hope that Tara starts to open up to Willow and that they have lots of :wtkiss Tara really needs to tell Willow the full extent of her abuse before true healing can begin and I think a major part of the healing process is Willow just holding Tara and telling Tara that she is loved...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/19/2009)
PostPosted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 6:05 pm 
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6. Sassy Eggs
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finally they got long-waiting :wtkiss
more..more :pinky
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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/19/2009)
PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 4:19 am 
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That was a very intense but very nice update. I like that Willow has such a good handle. I know she's been through a lot but at 16 she understands herself better than some people ever do. And I know that Tara's go a lot of pain and probably shame but I think Willow has a good idea what's there and she's not going to be disgusted or anything. My biggest concern is their getting caught. That would be bad but this is good.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/19/2009)
PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 10:35 am 
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Yay! Can't wait for the next update, hopefully with :wtkiss

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/19/2009)
PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 3:06 pm 
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6. Sassy Eggs

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:33 pm
Posts: 475
Location: North Carolina, USA
Title: Meeting Expectations
Author: TaranWillow4Ever
Rating: PG -R
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters; I just imagine other lives for them.
Spoilers: None; Totally AU
Distribution: Sure, just tell me where you are putting it.
Feedback: Please, I am playing with POV, sorry to those who don't like inconsistency.
Note: This story contains elements of abuse - physical and emotional, that are either eluded to if not outright described. If anything of this sort bothers you, then please do not read this story

Thoughts in italics.
Part 34
Tara and Willow had both ordered half sandwiches with chips and a pickle at the nearby deli. Tara had eaten most of hers when she looked up and saw that most of both the sandwich and the chips were still there and Willow was just moving her chips around the plate. Tara said, “So I see that you still don’t eat much”

“I have my good days and my bad days. I’m just not that hungry right now.”

“I’ve heard that before. Willow, it is me Tara, Please don’t lie to me about your eating.”

“Seriously, I am not lying. I guess I am sort of nervous, I lose my appetite pretty easily.”

“Do I make you nervous?” Oh Goddess, I make her nervous, she doesn’t want to be here. I could just go read. Just tell me if you realized that you want nothing to do with me.

“Um…sort of…not really…yes…It is not you, it is the situation. I’ve been so looking forward to seeing you, but now that you are here, I don’t know what to say to you. I’ve had so many conversations with you in my brain, and I’ve got to remember that you are not privy to any of them. There are so many questions I want to ask you, and I don’t know which ones are appropriate, or which ones I should ask.”

“So tell me about some of these conversations or questions you want to ask and I’ll figure out which ones to answer and which ones are appropriate.”

Willow blushed, “Well, initially I spent a lot of my time sort of just making a running commentary about my day and my thoughts. If I’d written you all the things I wanted to, you would have had a very full mailbox. I just wanted to share everything with you. It was hard not knowing where you were or what you were doing. I missed you so much. I felt really hopeful when I got your letter, but as the months progressed, I began to feel hopeless. Honestly, I didn’t think I was ever going to see or talk to you again. I really doubted that we’d ever see each other again.

“It was hard for me too. I was really surprised to find out that you’d not just gone on with your life and forgot about me.”

“I could never forget you.”

“Well, I can understand if you were questioning where I had gone and other things. ” I wonder if she is or has dated anyone. She’s not talking. She’s going to tell me that she just wants to be friends. Willow say something, please

“Do you think you’ll ever feel comfortable telling me about it?”

“About what?”

“Tara”

Oh, she wants to know about what happened. I don’t want to tell her. “I don’t know. There is a lot of it I just want to forget.”

“Is that working for you?”

“Yeah…no..sort of?” Willow looked at Tara and she was aware that she was busted.

“Are you talking to someone?”

“Sort of.”

“Huh? Either you have a therapist or you don’t.?”

“Well, I have a therapist, she’s not anything like Dr. Holt, but I’ve told her some stuff. She encouraged me to come see you. She said that I got a sort of happy glow whenever I talked about you, and she thought that you were good for me.”

“I like her.”

“You are such a goof.”

“Yep, that is me Willow the goof.”

The girls looked around and saw that there were people waiting to get a table. Willow asked for a ‘to go’ bag and put most of her sandwich in it and asked to put it in Tara’s knapsack.

“So what do you want to do now?” asked Willow.

“I don’t care.”

“Well, we can go to my room and hang out, we can go for a walk through the forest, we can walk to the beach. I’m not sure we will be able to go on the beach because it is tribal land and you are supposed to get permission, but we can go look over the cliffs and see where the river meets the ocean.”

“I really don’t care. I am just happy being here with you.” your room sounds good, but I don’t think it is a good idea. I just want to kiss you. I better put my hands in my pocket before I do something inappropriate with them.

“Me too.” They walked back toward the hotel.

“So are you up to a six mile walk?” asked Willow.

“Sure, are you?”

“Yeah, I tend to walk more than that a day. Walking is how I get my exercise. “

“Remember when they wouldn’t let you walk hardly at all when we were at the Maples. I thought that you were going to go crazy.”

Willow laughed, “I’ve got a lot of excess energy that I need to burn off or I feel sort of crazy.”

They walked along the path beside the street for a few minutes in silence, then Tara asked, “So Will…have you really gotten a handle on your eating disorder. You hardly ate anything, and now you are telling me that you walk more than 6 miles a day.”

“No, it’s not that, I just like being outside. I like walking. I promise that I am doing a good job not restricting or purging. I haven’t lost any weight in almost five months. Once I got a better understanding of what created my eating disorder, it was a lot easier to get control of it.”

“Can I ask what you discovered?”

“Sure.” Willow was silent.

“Are you waiting for me to ask you what you discovered?”

“No” said Willow shaking her head. “I just don’t know where to start. My therapist and I have come up with several reasons that kind of combined to cause it. I haven’t quite figured out which is the most important or which is the strongest. Of course, most people think that the main reason is that I wanted to feel some control in my life, my parents were trying to micromanage me, and that was one of the only things that they couldn’t control. But I don’t really think that is most of it. How much do you remember about my story?”

“Not much, I know you were adopted, and I know things were not so great before you got adopted.”

Willow talked about all the reasons for the development of her eating order. Tara could imagine the little red head doing all the things that she described. Tara was pulled out of her imagination when she heard Willow ask “Wanna hear something funny?”

“Sure,” Tara stopped and looked at Willow.

“They were so surprised, how I started talking was by reading a book aloud. I had taught myself how to read by looking at the picture books”
“That doesn’t surprise me at all. Willow, I just wish I could hug that little kid. You must have been so scared.”

“I guess. I don’t really remember. You can hug the big kid if you want?” Willow looked at Tara with a flirtatious grin.

Tara put her arms around the smaller girl and gave her a big hug. she still smells so good. Do I have to ever let go

A car passed them and honked its horn causing the girls to jump apart. Tara began to put her hand back in her pocket, but Willow took the one closest to her

“Is this all right?”

Tara nodded her head. Yes it is wonderful. I love holding your hand. I want to hold your hand forever. “So what happened after you started to read and talk?”

Willow told Tara about all of the stuff that had happened. When Tara realized that Willow had almost died, she wanted to shake the girl and tell her that she couldn’t do that. She had to stay alive. She heard her say, “I passed out and kinda had a heart attack.”

“Willow you can’t kinda have a heart attack.” said Tara.

“Well, my heart started beating funny, I had some sort of electrolyte imbalance. They force fed me and got me up to a weight that was high enough for what they called health. By then it really was a power struggle which I kept up until just recently. It got even harder when the Carley stuff happened and my parents didn’t believe me. It made me stop wanting to try. Also, getting all girly wasn’t something I wanted. I didn’t want my period; I didn’t want to be noticed by anyone for being a girl. It was so much easier just not to…to..develop.”

“Hence the baggy androgynous clothing.”

“Yes. I could pass as a younger boy and just sort of fade into the woodwork.”

“Do..Do..Do you still n..n..not like being a girl?”

Willow laughed, “I like it alright. It’s not like I wanted to be a boy, it was just that I knew I liked girls ‘like that’ and the only way I could conceptualize it was by being a boy. Boy’s liked girls. It’s not like my parents presented anything other than heterosexuality to me, and I was sort of cloistered. When I discovered it, everything fell into place, but by then I was so deep into the disease that it really didn’t matter.”

“Oh.” Tara blushed. I wonder what she does look like naked. She is so skinny…I want to see that. I am very happy that she is a girl.

“Why are you blushing.”

“Well, I was just thinking that I like that you are a girl.”

“How come?” asked Willow trying to look innocent.

“Willow” said Tara looking uncomfortable I can’t tell her why.

“What?” Willow batted her eyelashes.

“You know.”

“I know a lot, genius here” she pointed to herself, “but I don’t know what you are thinking, I’m not psychic.”

“It would be so much easier if you were. Then I could just have you look into my mind, see all the things that are in it, and figure if you really wanted to be around it.”

“I am pretty sure that I would. Listen, Tara. Let’s sit down over there.” She pointed at a bench up the way. They both walked there and sat down. Willow took both of her hands and looked directly into Tara’s blue eyes. Don’t look at her. She’ll see how damaged you are.

“Tara look at me.” Tara looked at Willow; the green orbs glistened when she looked into them. “. “I hear that you think that I can’t handle all the stuff that has happened to you. But I am pretty sure I can. I don’t know how we can even pursue any type of relationship without some honesty and sharing.”

Oh my goddess, did she just say what she did, did she talk about a relationship. Maybe she just means friends. Tara looked down. “Is that really what you want? T..t..to p…p..pursue a r..r..r..relationship with m..m..me”.

“More than anything in the world.”

“Really?”

“Really,” She paused, “Tara, I know we haven’t seen each other in almost two years, but the feelings I was having when you left are still really strong, I’m not going to use the “L” word, because it has so much stuff surrounding it, but I like you A LOT.”

“As a friend or…”

“As an Or. I still want to be your girlfriend. I need to know do you feel the same way?”

“Yeah. But it is scary. We live so far apart, and you’re still in high school. I’ve never…”

“Actually I am in college, but I am still 16, there is no way around that. But I am sure that there are lots of daycares around colleges, we can figure it out if you want to, and ‘the I’ve never’… we can take care of it when the time comes. I wouldn’t ask you to do anything you were not comfortable with. ”

Tara looked shyly at Willow who was still holding her hands, “I would be comfortable with kissing you.”

“That would be really comfortable.” Willow kneeled on the bench and put her lips on the other girls lips. At first it was a tentative kiss. Willow pulled away to look in Tara’s eyes to make sure it was ok, Tara was pretty sure that her feelings were reflected clearly in her eyes. Willow continued kissing her gently, then Tara felt Willow’s tongue licking her lips and it seemed like she was trying to encourage Tara to open her mouth. Tara was not familiar with the unwritten code of kissing, but tried to mirror what Willow was doing and soon she too was using her tongue to explore the other girl’s lips and mouth. It was so much different than the other times. Their kisses were always rough and she often felt like they were trying to put their tongues down her throat. Willow’s was soft and gentle; it was like another hand, just lightly touching the parts of her mouth. Tara tried to shake away the memories of her past, and enjoy the present experience. She literally shook her head which cause Willow to abruptly pull away.

“Are you OK?” she asked, seeing a hint of pain in Tara’s eyes.

“Yeah, I just had a thought that I was trying to shake away. I guess instead of mentally shaking it away, my head shook too. Sorry.”
“No problem.” Willow looked into Tara’s eyes and held onto her hands. “Is it anything that you want to tell me? If you are having bad thoughts when I kiss you we don’t have to…”

“No Willow! I really enjoyed it. It was great, I just have stuff that goes through my head…” Tara tried to break eye contact with Willow.

“I know. I do too, but I am hoping we can create some memories together that will overpower the bad past memories.”

“That will be nice, really nice.” Tara smiled shyly. She looked around at the road. If we want to get all the way to the beach we should start walking again, shouldn’t we?

“I guess. It’s not really that important. I just wanted to give us something to do. We could sit here all day if you wanted.”

“Well, I always like looking at the ocean…”

“Then too the ocean we should go.” Willow hopped up and took Tara’s hand.


Willow wondered why they had said that the ocean was three miles away, actually it seemed like they were able to get there is far less time than it would take to walk to the beach. They found a public access area and walked down the steep stairs and onto the beach. It was a lot colder on the beach then it was on the road, and Tara was glad that she had brought Willow’s sweatshirt because the thin girl was starting to shiver despite her own jacket. They found a group of rocks that had a good view of the ocean but were far enough from the shore that they would not get wet by the waves and sat down. Even after putting on the sweatshirt, Willow was still visibly shivering, so Tara suggested that she sit closer to her. Willow cuddled up under Tara’s arm and they sat quietly looking at the ocean. Each filled with thoughts that they were not sure whether or not they wanted to share with the other.

Tara enjoyed the feeling of having Willow nestled against her body. For so much of her life, Tara had felt small and vulnerable, but compared to Willow, she was substantial. Tara felt a protective and loving feeling toward the redheaded girl. After sitting there for a few minutes, Willow looked up at Tara. Without thinking, Tara closed the distance between them and they began to kiss again. This time, Tara was able to stay present and to enjoy the feeling of Willow’s soft lips upon her own. Soon, Willow’s neck got uncomfortable, and she moved herself so that she was sitting between Tara’s legs facing her. The sun was hitting Willow’s red hair and making it shimmer with the multitude of actual colors in the girl’s red hair. Each girl found began touching the other’s face in a way that seemed like they were trying to imprint the contours into their memories. For some of the time, they just looked into each other’s eyes and smiled at each other. Neither girl wanted to talk about the fact that they had no idea about when they would see each other again. Time went very fast.

The sun was starting to go down, so they hurried back to Willow’s hotel, not dilly dallying to see things like they had on the way. Once they got to the hotel, they looked at each other expectantly. Neither knew what to do now. It was dark, so hiking was out of the question. Tara wanted Willow to invite her up to her room, but figured that the girl felt like she’d think it was too forward.

Go for it Maclay, take a risk

“Will?”

“Yeah.”

“Can we go up to your room instead of standing around the lobby?”

The look of relief on the other girl’s face was palatable. “Yeah, sure…my roommates might be there, but they are a nice group of girls, we can all hang out.”

I hope they are not, I hope they are not. But what if they aren’t, will she want to? Do I want to? I really liked kissing.

They walked into the room that Willow shared with two other girls who were in the visiting program.

“Hey Willow, you missed a really good trip. It was fun. A bunch of us are going to go down into town and get some pizza do you and your friend want to come?”

“Um, no thanks. We’ve got stuff. But thanks anyway. Oh, my manners, this is my friend Tara, Tara this is my roommate Beth.”

“N..N..Nice to meet you.” Said Tara.

“Well, Willow. We’re off. We’ll make a point to call up first when we get back so we don’t interrupt anything. “Tara saw the girl wink at Willow.

Once the girls had left, Tara looked over at Willow and asked, “W..w..what did y..y..you tell them a..a..about me?”

“Nothing. I swear!” said Willow emphatically, “I guess we are glowing or something.”

“Maybe they are perceptive. Are you sure that you didn’t let on who I was?”

“No. It was bad enough worrying myself about what was going to happen, why would I want two strangers wondering too. No, I just said you were an old friend.”

Tara saw the look on Willow’s face when she said ‘old friend’ and could easily see what the others had seen. Willow’s eyes and face lit up. Oh my goddess, I make that look appear on her face.

“What are you looking at?” asked Willow.

“Nothing” said Tara not wanting to try to explain.

“You are smirking, you’ve got to be thinking about something.” Said Willow as she flung herself onto the bed and then sat against the headboard.

“Well…” said Tara. She went and sat down at a chair that was at the table adjacent to the bed. “You got this dreamy smirky look on your face when you said ‘old friend’. I think that anyone who saw it would kinda guess that there is something there.”

“Really?”

“Uh huh.”

“Well, there is something there. I am crazy about you.” Willow paused, “I know that it’s been a long time and it doesn’t make sense, but I feel the same feelings that I was having almost two years ago. It doesn’t feel like it really has been that long.”

“I know what you are talking about. I hope that it is always this way, ‘cause I see a lot of hellos and farewells in our immediate future, if we can just pick up from where we left off, it will be a lot easier.”

“I guess. I am going to start looking at Colleges around here and the Bay Area. I was going to stay another year at the community college, but I already have enough credits to start as a second semester sophomore. If I get into a good school, I don’t think my parents will care that I start college this year.”

“Really? I wouldn’t want my 16 year-old to go off to college.”

“Well, you are not Ira and Sheila Rosenberg. It is all about how it looks to others. They get to brag that their genius daughter has started college. Who cares about my psychological health? I feel like I had to grow up pretty fast, I think I can handle college. I probably should live in a dorm for at least a year, I’m not sure I have what I need to live on my own, and I don’t think that my parents would pay for my own apartment.
“I’ve always thought about applying to Berkley, what do you think about the Bay Area?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never been there. Before I was at the Maples, I hadn’t been more that 30 miles away from where I grew up.”

“Where did you grow up?”

“A place called Bishop. It’s near the Nevada border. That is why once they took me; they brought me all the way up here so I’d be as far away from Daddy as possible.”

“Why did they have to take you so far away?”

“It is a long story.”

“I hope you will start telling me it sometime.”

“I will, but I just want our last two hours to be nice and fun, not sad. I was thinking we could maybe watch a movie.”

“Are you going to stay in that chair?”

“Do you want me to?” said Tara smiling at Willow.

“No, you come over here.” Willow gestured to the space beside her.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/20/2009)
PostPosted: Fri Nov 20, 2009 3:21 pm 
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Yay for great update-y goodness... I hope they have fun watching movies with lots of hand holding... I truly hope that they can arrange another date soon where they are alone for a weekend so Tara can tell Willow how her "father" abused her and that Willow can start Tara's cuddle therapy...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/20/2009)
PostPosted: Sun Nov 22, 2009 3:26 pm 
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This is a great update. yay for glowy Willow! Can't wait for an update

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/20/2009)
PostPosted: Wed Nov 25, 2009 5:19 pm 
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Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:33 pm
Posts: 475
Location: North Carolina, USA
Title: Meeting Expectations
Author: TaranWillow4Ever
Rating: PG -R
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters; I just imagine other lives for them.
Spoilers: None; Totally AU
Distribution: Sure, just tell me where you are putting it.
Feedback: Please, I am playing with POV, sorry to those who don't like inconsistency.
Note: This story contains elements of abuse - physical and emotional, that are either eluded to if not outright described. If anything of this sort bothers you, then please do not read this story

Thoughts in italics.

Part 35

Willow felt very forlorn. She was lying on her bed looking up at the ceilings a few weeks after she returned from the exchange program. She had enjoyed sharing a room with the other two girls, and she’d experienced what it felt like to be in a bed with Tara beside her. They had just been cuddling while watching a movie, but Willow had experienced the feeling of Tara’s body beside her own, and now her own bed felt large and lonely.

They had watched a movie and sat snuggling on the bed until the front desk called up to say that Tara’s friend was in front of the hotel. They had decided that they were not going to prolong the goodbye, so they just gave each other one more kiss and Tara left. Willow felt as though the oxygen had been removed from the room. She fell to the floor and wept until she felt like she had no more tears. She pretended to have been asleep when her roommates returned to their room. By the next morning she had gotten her game face on and finished the last few days of her exchange program. They had pledged that they would keep up their emailing and that Willow would try to call Tara as often as possible. They both were going to try to fast track their education, Tara getting her GED and taking her day care classes and Willow applying to a four year college. It seemed to Willow that it was going to be forever before they would be together.

Now that they had seen each other again, the separation didn’t seem as acceptable. Willow cursed the fact that she was still underage and that her parents continued to have so much power over her while they did not take any responsibility for her support other than financially. Willow discovered that because she did not meet all of their expectations of what a daughter should be, they chose to discard her. However, due to wanting to “save face” they refused to relinquish custody to the State, and thus Willow was caught in a limbo between getting no emotional support from the Rosenbergs; but, still being totally dependent on them to make all of the major decisions pertaining to her life.

She didn’t feel like she could go back to sleep. So she began a letter to Tara.

Dear Tara:

I actually think that this may be harder than all the time that I wondered where you were. I know where you are and I am powerless to be there. I wish my stupid parents would just relinquish custody so that I could have someone who really cares help me make the important decisions. It would be so much better if I could at least be able to talk to you without sneaking around. My house parents are really nice people and I don’t like having to betray their trust. However, if it is a choice between following the rules and not being able to have contact with you, I chose breaking the rules.

I’ve been looking into Stanford’s program. They have a program for gifted teens that is similar to what I am in, but much more vigorous. I have started the application process. It is pretty long. One of the essays addresses one of the biggest challenges you have faced, and I have written about my adoption dilemma. I definitely have the grades, so we will just have to cross our fingers. I know that the Bay Area is still pretty far away from where you live, but it’s closer than here. I wish I had a better plan that made it really easy for us to just get together, but my stupid age keeps getting in the way.

It is not definite yet, but I may be spending the holidays with one of my parent’s friends in Sacramento. What are you doing? Is there any way you might get permission to come too? I don’t totally get the rules of your program. Are you allowed to just go places if you ask? I am pretty sure their friend wouldn’t care. She’s always been pretty cool.
Well, I guess I should go to sleep soon. I miss you a lot.

Willow <3 <3


Willow saved the letter to a CD and put it into her school bag to transfer to the computer during her class the next day.

A few days later, Willow looked at her email and was happy to discover an email.

My Dearest Willow,

Sort of an old fashioned salutation, but it seemed fitting. You will be happy to know that I now have my GED. I am going to be able to start taking some of the classes for my Daycare certification. I am going to see if I can take four of the classes at the same time. I’ve got six months left that I can live in this program, so I might as well take advantage of it.

Just like you, it is really hard to be away from you. I wish that I could just take you away and we could be together. But that would not be good for you. You’ve got to go to college and get your degrees. You are so smart; you need to take advantage of all the opportunities. I know that we will survive this.

Good luck with the Stanford application. It would be cool if you could go there.

If you are going to Sacramento I’ll do what I have to do to see you. It is hard to get time off around the holidays, but I’ll do my best. Looking forward to hearing from you soon. Tara <3

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/25/2009)
PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 1:26 am 
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Yay for great update-y goodness... I hope they have a great holiday in Sacramento... Willow's age sure gets in the way of them being together...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/25/2009)
PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 9:12 am 
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I hate Willow's parents :smash Love the update, though, and I can't wait until they can be together.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/25/2009)
PostPosted: Thu Nov 26, 2009 4:00 pm 
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Part 36

Dear Tara:

I finally got it confirmed. My parents gave me permission to visit my Aunt Joyce for the entire two weeks of school vacation. I’ll be at her house from December 20 to the 2nd. I talked to her today and she said that it is OK that you visit for any part of the holidays. I don’t know when you can get off, but I’ll work it around anything. Aunt Joyce is really cool. I think that you will enjoy meeting her. I don’t know what she ever had in common with my mom. They were college roommates.
I don’t think this time can come too soon. Please figure out when you can come and I will plan my time around it. I can’t wait to see you. Willow <3 <3

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/26/2009)
PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 1:15 am 
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Yay for good mini-update-y goodness... I already like Auntie Joyce... I kinda hope that Willow and Tara somehow manage convince Joyce to get custody of Willow...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/26/2009)
PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 2:24 pm 
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Part 37

Dear Willow,

That is so good that you are going to be able to visit Sacramento for your holiday. I wish that I didn’t have to work so much, but it is part of the deal for me to stay in the apartment. The store is going to be closed from noon on Christmas Eve through Christmas Day. My boss agreed to allow me to have the day after off. So I could catch a bus that would get to Sacramento at 6pm on December 24, and I could return on a bus that leaves there at 8pm the 26th. Will that work for you. I know that you don’t celebrate Christmas, and just seeing you is all the present I would ever need from the universe. Write or call me back to tell me if this is ok. Yours, Tara. XXOOXX



Tara, of course that is great. Aunt Joyce and I will be at the bus station ready to get you on the 24th. She is being a little squirrely about not telling my parents, but she decided that she’d only rat me out if she thinks you are not good for me, so you better be on your best behavior (just kidding). I am sure that she is going to love you. I am counting the days until I see you. Willow <3 <3

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/27/2009)
PostPosted: Fri Nov 27, 2009 2:30 pm 
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Yay for another great mini-update-y goodness... I would have hoped for them to have couple of days together... I really hope that Willow is very very soon able to start Tara's snuggle therapy...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/27/2009)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 8:20 am 
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Oooh teeny-tiny updates! Yay more plz

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/27/2009)
PostPosted: Sat Nov 28, 2009 3:02 pm 
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They are so sweet and so mature but I'm still afraid that Willow's parents will find out and make it very hard for them. Even once she's 18, it would be nice to have their financial support through college. Boo hiss on them.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 11/27/2009)
PostPosted: Tue Dec 01, 2009 7:31 pm 
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6. Sassy Eggs

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:33 pm
Posts: 475
Location: North Carolina, USA
Zampsa1975: The snuggle therapy will be coming soon, but it is not going to be without it's problems.

AmberGoddess: Thanks for the feedback. Sorry the updates are so short, but they sort of are supposed to be like emails.

JustSkipIt: Don't worry about finances. I don't plan to make it a problem for Willow to pay for college. She's a genius so she'll get adequate scholarships and her parents put so much weight on school, they'll pony up. Other problems...we will see.


Part 38

Willow was pacing around the living room of her Aunt Joyce’s home waiting for the time to come that they could leave to pick up Tara. After she had made several revolutions, her aunt asked her what was making her so anxious. Willow had not been totally honest with her aunt about the nature of her relationship with Tara, nor had she admitted that they had met while she was at the Maples. Willow feared that her aunt would react badly to either of these declarations and she didn’t want to take the chance that the woman would retract her permission for Tara to come to visit.

“Willow what is the matter? Why are you so anxious? Tell me a little about this girl that has you all a flutter.” Her aunt motioned for her to sit down on the couch next to her.

Willow looked at her aunt wondering if she had guessed about their relationship. A flutter is not usually a word that is used in relation to friendship. She didn’t want to blow her cover if her aunt had just used the word, but if she did know it would be a relief and she’d feel less guilty about everything. Willow decided that she’d just answer the woman’s question.

“Well, she’s really sweet and nice. She’s a little taller than me and has blue eyes. She had a really bad childhood so she is currently living in a supported apartment program for teens. She just got her GED and she wants to work in a Daycare center. She’s going to start getting her certification in January.

“And you really like her don’t you?” stated the older woman, looking Willow directly in the eye.

Willow looked at her, wondering if the question her aunt was asking was the one she thought that she was asking. “Um yes, I like her. She’s my friend, probably my best friend.”

“Is she more than that?” Aunt Joyce continued her directed gaze.

“Excuse me?” said Willow having a very difficult time maintaining this level of eye contact.

“Willow, I have know you since you were a little girl, you can be honest with me.”

“I am not positive I know what you are asking Aunt Joyce…” said Willow trying to feign innocence and not blanche or blush.

“Willow, is she your girlfriend?”

Willow looked at the woman, shocked, amazed and confused about what would be the right answer to the question. It seems like her aunt was saying this in a rather blasé manner, so she figured that her aunt couldn’t have too much of a problem.

“Yes.” She said with a very small voice.

“I thought so. I just wanted to make sure. I didn’t want to assume something that was wrong.”

“You don’t care?”

“Why should I? I am your godmother, I love you. But…it does give me a bit of a dilemma. If you had asked to have your boyfriend stay here I would definitely make you sleep in different rooms. I should do the same thing with Tara.

“No.” exclaimed Willow sounding more like her age than usual. “Please, this is going to be the first time we get to be together for an extended amount of time. I promise we won’t do anything.”

Joyce looked at Willow over her glasses. The look portrayed the belief that she didn’t believe her goddaughter. However when she looked at the girl, she realized that she might be telling the truth.

“Are you telling me that you guys haven’t….”

Willow couldn’t believe she was having this conversation with an adult. “No…I mean yes, I mean that we have not done anything other than kissing.”

Joyce looked over her glasses again.

“I swear Aunt Joyce. It is complicated.”

“Complicated how?”

“Well. We haven’t really been able to spend much time together.” Willow decided that she would be totally honest with her aunt. “We met at the Maples, so we couldn’t really be together, and then I just saw her for one day when I was at the school exchange.”

“Oh. So she has troubles, like yours?”

“Well, sort of but different.” Willow decided that she did not want to go into detail with her aunt about the reasons for Tara’s hospitalization. “I don’t really feel comfortable telling you her private stuff. But I can tell you she doesn’t have an eating disorder.”

Aunt Joyce paused and appeared to be thinking deeply about her next comment. “Ok. You’ve shown a lot of maturity over the years and you actually have done better living with your parents than I think I could have ever done. Don’t get me wrong, I love your mother, but she is not the easiest woman to live with, and she doesn’t have much of an open mind when it comes to things that are not within her own experience.”

“You can say that again.” Willow paused thinking that she should not push her luck. “Aunt Joyce, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Why are you being so cool about this?”

“Well, let’s just say I was young once.” The woman winked at Willow, “Well, we better get going we don’t want your girl to be at the bus station and us not be there.”

Willow smiled and followed her aunt out the door and into the car.

The bus was pulling into the station as they arrived. Willow jumped out of the car and ran to the bus so that she would be there as soon as Tara exited. Tara was the second person off the bus and Willow practically picked the slightly larger girl off the ground with her hug. She grabbed the hand that was not holding her duffle bag and led her to the car.

“Tara, this is my Aunt Joyce, Aunt Joyce this is Tara.”

“Glad to meet you”, said the woman extending her hand, and then hugging the girl.

Tara looked at Willow wondering what was going on. Willow mouthed “I’ll tell you soon.”

Willow wanted to get in the back seat with Tara, but knew that it would be weird, so she reluctantly moved toward the passenger side of the car.
“Don’t you want to sit in the back with Tara?” asked her aunt. “Not that I mind if you want to sit up front with me, but I’d understand that you want to sit next to her, I am sure you have a lot of catching up to do.” The older woman winked at Willow. [b] Why can’t my mom be even a quarter this cool[/i]

The girls got into the car. Willow immediately took Tara’s hand. It felt so warm and soft. Willow could sense some anxiety in the older girl, so she whispered in her ear, “Aunt Joyce knows about us and she is cool about it, or at least cool to a point, I’ll tell you later.”

Willow could feel Tara relax, and she began moving her fingers to rub Tara’s palm. An overwhelming sense of peace came over Willow, and she knew that this was going to be the happiest Christmas she’d ever experienced. Joyce’s house was not too far from the bus station, so it only took about fifteen minutes to get back to the house. As soon as they entered the house, Joyce said, “Well, Tara you came right from work, you must be hungry, what can I make you to eat?”

“A..A..A..Anything w..w..w..would b…b…be f..fine, ma’am.” Tara stuttered out.

Willow took her hand and whispered, “You don’t need to be nervous, she’s really cool. “ then louder she said, “Aunt Joyce, do you still have the bagels and cream cheese? That would taste really good about now.”

“Excellent choice, Willow I will get that stuff out right now.” The woman began bustling around the kitchen taking things out of the refrigerator and giving each of the girls task to do. In just a few minutes the three of them were sitting in front of a feast of bagels, lox, and fixings. Joyce noticed Tara looking at the lox and asked, “Have you ever had lox? It is smoked salmon”

“No Ma’am, I’ve had salmon a few times, but never smoked.”

“Well, try a little and see if you like it. You don’t have to eat anything that you don’t want to. We are all on vacation for the next few days, and we should enjoy ourselves as much as possible.” She looked at her niece and arched her eyebrow, “Within reason.”

Willow just smirked and looked down. Tara looked at both of the women and wondered what the unspoken message was about. Willow promised herself that she would explain the unspoken comment when they had some time together. Willow touched Tara’s knee under the table with the intention of communicating that it wasn’t really anything important.

The three women ate dinner and then sat in the living room talking until Willow noticed that Tara was looking sleepy.

“Well, Aunt Joyce, it seems like Tara’s getting sleepy and I am too. We’ll head up to bed and see you in the morning.”

“Ok, remember your promise Willow.”

“Yes ma’am.”

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/1/2009)
PostPosted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 3:36 am 
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Great update! I love Joyce, she's so cool. Can't wait for more!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/1/2009)
PostPosted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 3:47 am 
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19. Yummy Face
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Yay for great update-y goodness... Good that Willow managed to get Tara a bit more relaxed when they met Joyce... Can't wait for their first snuggle session... I guess Tara is a "bit" anxious to let Willow see her scarred body...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/1/2009)
PostPosted: Fri Dec 04, 2009 5:45 am 
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I really respect both Willow and Joyce for this conversation. I'm glad that Willow has one person (adult) in her life with whom she can be honest and get support.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/1/2009)
PostPosted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 6:43 pm 
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6. Sassy Eggs

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:33 pm
Posts: 475
Location: North Carolina, USA
Sorry that I have not been updating as quickly as usual and that what I have written has been short, but life tends to get in the way sometimes. I have wondered to myself if this is the reason for so many unfinished works, you get an idea, and start writing, but then life gets complicated (for the good in my case) and stories get put on the back burner. Here is a short piece.

Part 39

Willow and Tara went upstairs to Willow’s room. As soon as they got into the room, Willow pinned Tara against the closed door and kissed her softly. She took Tara’s head in her hands and kissed her lips, then her cheeks, her eyes and forehead and then returned to her mouth using her tongue to gently part Tara’s lips and begin a leisurely ramble around her mouth, gently dueling with Tara’s own tongue which was mirroring Willow’s motions. After a few minutes, Willow found that he legs were getting shaky, so she separated from Tara and said as she moved over to the bed, “I wanted to do that ever since you got off the bus.”

“Me too,” said Tara shyly. “I like your aunt a lot, she is really nice, but I’ve definitely been looking forward to spending some time alone with you. " She paused, " Hey, what is up with what she said, a promise?”

Willow motioned for Tara to sit next to her. “Um…well…see…”

Willow saw Tara looking at her expectantly.

“Well, she asked me point blank if you were my girlfriend, when I said yes, she kinda got wigged out with the idea of a double standard, ya know?”

Tara looked at her with a perplexed gaze.

“Well…um…if you were my boyfriend, she’d insist on us staying in different rooms, so she thought that she should do that with us, but I didn’t want to so….so I sorta promised that we wouldn’t do anything.”

“Anything?” Tara’s eyes popped open

I wonder what she is thinking. What did she hope we’d be doing? I guess we should talk about it. “Not anything, anything. I told her that we have kissed…but not…you know…we haven’t talked about it…” The usually articulate Willow was at a loss for words.

The realization of what Willow was saying hit Tara. She smiled at Willow and said softly “I don’t think I was ready to do that kind of anything anyway.” A blush came over her face.

“Me either. I am just looking forward to getting to snuggle with you and not have to worry about getting caught.”

Willow moved up the bed and sat against the headboard and gestured to Tara to come sit under her arm. Tara cuddled into the nook of her arm and put her head against her shoulder. She closed her eyes, enjoying the warmth and familiar scent of Willow. Willow realized that this simple closeness was what she had been craving for so long. Willow looked at Tara and saw that he girl’s eyes were beginning to droop.

“We can get ready for bed and go to sleep if you want.

“No, I don’t want to waste any of my time sleeping.” Said Tara yawning as she spoke.

“It’s not a waste sweetie. Just falling asleep with you in my arms is a dream come true.” Willow started to giggle realizing what a sappy comment she had just made. The movement made Tara look up at her.

“What is so funny?”

“Nothing.”

“Something’s got to be funny or you wouldn’t be laughing.”

“I just was thinking that what I said was really sappy.”

“It was but it was sweet”, Tara moved herself and planted a kiss on Willow’s nose.

Willow took this opportunity to capture Tara’s lips and they began to kiss again. Willow straddled Tara’s legs and began kissing her mouth, face and neck. She found her pulse point and gently nipped at it making sure not to leave any sort of mark and then moved her mouth back to Tara’s mouth, her tongue asking for entrance and beginning to more ardently explore the soft recesses of her girlfriend’s mouth. They kissed for a while, taking turns with who was the leader and who the follower. Then, Willow pulled Tara down onto the bed and lay down on top of her. Immediately, Willow felt Tara’s arms flop down, she sensed a change in the larger girl. It was if her body went stiff and became degrees colder. Willow opened her eye and saw a glazed, scared look in Tara’s eyes. She immediately removed herself and sat up. “Um…I am sorry…I….I…didn’t mean…I am so sorry Tara….” She looked into the blue eyes. They seemed to have lost their luster, the gaze was far away.

Tara came to pretty quickly and sat up, “no…no…y…y..you didn’t do anything wrong…It is just…I’m really sorry.” She pulled her knees up to her chest and looked down at the bed hiding her eyes behind a cascade of blond hair.

The two girls sat on the bed for a few minutes, each not knowing what to say to the other. Willow felt like she was going to cry, but knew that it would cause the other girl to feel even worse. She jumped off the bed and said, “Um…I am going to go put on my Pajamas and brush my teeth, I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Willow ran out of the room after grabbing her night clothes.

When Willow entered the bathroom, she sat down on the toilet and put her head into her hands. She then got up and looked at herself in the mirror. She could see the barely concealed tears about to leak out of her green eyes, “You are such an idiot Rosenberg. You did something to scare her. She looked petrified. You are such garbage. You don’t deserve to have such a sweet girlfriend. You probably were too heavy and she felt like she was going to be crushed or something.” Willow’s disease which had been dormant for a long time raised its evil head and Willow began berating herself both aloud silently. She changed into her pajamas and eventually when she realized that Tara was probably wondering what had happened to her, she returned to her room.

Tara had taken this time to change into her own night clothes, a pair of sweats and a tee shirt. She was still sitting on the bed with her knees pulled up to her chest, but when Willow walked in, Tara smiled at her.

“Cute PJ’s”

Willow looked down at her bright blue pajamas with menorahs and Stars of David. “Thanks.” Willow stood in the middle of the room.

Tara must have sensed her apprehension, because she released her legs and moved over against the headboard. She motioned for Willow to sit down on the bed.

“T…t…there…is a…a…a..a lot that I n…n…need to t…tell you..to explain…you need to know about it before…before…”

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/8/2009)
PostPosted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 10:52 pm 
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Yay for great update-y goodness... I guess Tara was sexually abused... I truly hope that Willow spend the rest of the night just holding Tara to ease her problems...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/8/2009)
PostPosted: Wed Dec 09, 2009 7:29 am 
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5. Willowhand
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Location: Hmm... Don't you wish you knew?
Ooooooh... Can't wait for more!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/8/2009)
PostPosted: Sat Dec 12, 2009 10:22 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:33 pm
Posts: 475
Location: North Carolina, USA
Title: Meeting Expectations
Author: TaranWillow4Ever
Rating: PG -R
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters; I just imagine other lives for them.
Spoilers: None; Totally AU
Distribution: Sure, just tell me where you are putting it.
Feedback: Please, I am playing with POV, sorry to those who don't like inconsistency.
Note: This story contains elements of abuse - physical and emotional, that are either eluded to if not outright described. If anything of this sort bothers you, then please do not read this story

Thoughts in italics.

Part 40

Tara followed Willow up to the room. She’d been wondering whether she was going to be going to stay with Willow in her room or in another guest bedroom. Willow’s aunt’s house was very large and Tara was astonished that only one person lived in it. As soon as they got in the door, Willow pinned her against the door and kissed her softly. Tara was amazed that she could feel the after effects of this kiss all the way to her toes. Willow began kissing her face and Tara just relaxed and basked in the attention. The redhead’s lips returned to her mouth and Tara felt Willow’s tongue gently probing her lips. She opened them and Willow’s tongue began moving around her mouth, seeming to be checking out every inch. All of a sudden, Tara felt Willow move away and go sit on the bed. As she was walking to the bed, Willow looked at her and said, “I wanted to do that ever since you got off the bus.”

Tara agreed and made a comment about liking Willow’s aunt, and this reminded her of the strange interactions that had occurred between Willow and Joyce. “Hey, what is up with what she said, a promise?”

Willow motioned to Tara and suggested that she sit down next to her on the edge of the bed. Tara sat down and looked at Willow. She was surprised when the girl began to stammer. She figured that if she waited, Willow would eventually be able to choke out what she was going to say. The gist of the response was that Willow had promised that they wouldn’t do anything if they stayed in the same room. Tara had been looking forward to some snuggles and making out. To not do anything, would be a big disappointment.

“Anything?” she asked.

Willow looked at Tara and she stammered out, “Not anything, anything. I told her that we have kissed…but not…you know…we haven’t talked about doing it…”

Tara realized that Willow’s aunt had thought that they were having sex, and didn’t want it done in her house. This was far beyond what Tara knew she was ready for, so she said, ““I don’t think I was ready to do that kind of anything anyway.” Tara felt that her entire face was becoming crimson and she put her hair in front of her face. Willow moved up the bed and sat against the headboard, she gestured for her to come sit under her arm. Tara put her head against Willow’s shoulder and relaxed into the warm crook of her neck. She inhaled the strawberry scent of her girlfriend and closed her eyes. She must have begun to doze, because she was brought back to reality when Willow said, “We can get ready for bed and go to sleep if you want.”

“No, I don’t want to waste any of my time sleeping.” Her actions belied her intentions and she yawned.

“It’s not a waste sweetie. Just falling asleep with you in my arms is a dream come true.”

Tara looked up at Willow when she felt her giggling.

“What is so funny?”

“Nothing.”

“Something’s got to be funny or you wouldn’t be laughing.”

“I just was thinking that what I said was really sappy.”

“It was but it was sweet”, Tara moved herself and planted a kiss on Willow’s nose. As she did this, Willow straddled Tara’s legs and began kissing her again. Tara relaxed into her girlfriend’s ministrations, and enjoyed the feeling of her mouth on her face. They continued to kiss and Tara felt Willow pull her down and lay on top of her. Immediately Tara went into crisis mode, the pictures of her perpetrators on top of her, their mouths all over her came flashing into her mind, out of habit she relaxed her body and started to go to her safe place. But it didn’t go like usual, Tara felt the body get off her and she heard Willow’s voice saying, “I am sorry…I didn’t mean…I am so sorry Tara.” This shook her into reality and she looked at the green eyes of her girlfriend. What she saw was shock, sadness and shame. Tara said, “no…no…y…y...you didn’t do anything wrong…It is just…I’m really sorry.”

What did I just do, it was just Willow, she looks so scared. She’s not going to want to be with me, I just rejected her. Shit. Shit. Shit. I guess I am understanding now what my therapist said about the stuff maybe interfering with relationships. Tara pulled her knees to her chest and hid behind her hair, unable to look the redheaded girl in the eye. She didn’t know what to say to make this better. After a few minutes, Willow jumped up and said that she was going to put on her pajamas and ran out of the door.

She’s probably feeling awful, she probably doesn’t think I like her. SHIT SHIT SHIT. Well I might as well put on my pajamas before she gets back, It’d be even worse if she saw all of my scars. What was I thinking, why would this beautiful, loving woman want to be with damaged me. But I gotta give her a chance I gotta explain what happened. . Tara put on her pajamas and sat back on the bed, her knees against her chest again. When Willow came in, Tara couldn’t help but smile. The girl was wearing what looked like brand new flannel pajamas with what looked like big candle sticks and tops all over them. She looked so cute, “Cute PJ’s”

Willow just stood there in the middle of the room. Sensing the girl’s apprehension, Tara moved against the headboard and motioned for Willow to sit down next to her. Once the girl was settled, Tara said, “T…t…there…is a…a…a...a lot that I n…n…need to t…tell you..to explain…you need to know about it before…before… I…I…I think you had some ideas…but I’ve got to tell you some stuff. It is really hard, and I haven’t really told anyone. I didn’t think it would matter… I thought that I could just try to forget everything. But I guess I can’t.” Tara felt like she was going to implode from the flood of blood rushing to her head. Through the din of the sound, she heard Willow quietly saying, “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to, I am here for whatever you need.”

Tara looked at Willow, her green eyes were clearly full of feelings, and Tara just wanted to hug her and make the pain go out of these eyes. Tara took Willow’s hand and said, “I want to tell you about it. I do. Cause I really want this relationship to work….if you do that is…”

“More than anything,” said Willow. “Can you tell me what happened? What I did wrong?”

“Sweetie,” Tara looked at Willow, “you didn’t do anything wrong. It was totally me. It is just that all of a sudden I started remembering….and I started reacting the way that I did to survive. I didn’t want to. It just happened.”

“What made it happen? It seemed like you were into what we were doing and then you sort of...” Tara could see the wheels in Willow’s head turning. “…was it when I lay on top of you?”

“I guess. They always did that, lay on top of me.”

“They who?” she paused and did her usual disclaimer. “If you want to tell me.”

“My therapist told me I should tell anyone who asked, that it wasn’t my fault, it wasn’t anything to be ashamed of.”

“It is totally up to you. I am really sorry what I did to you brought back memories.” The girl looked crestfallen.

“It is not your fault Willow, please stop apologizing.” Said Tara taking Willow’s hands into her own.

“I am…” Willow looked at Tara and stopped she smiled at Tara.

“You have the most beautiful smile you know…” Tara just gazed at the beautiful woman in front of her, she didn’t want to talk about this stuff; she just wanted to be cuddling with this girl.

“Thanks” said Willow turning red.

“Will, I am really tired. Can we talk about this stuff some more tomorrow? Can we just cuddle and go to sleep?”

“Sure.”

Tara could sense the apprehension within the smaller girl. She imagined that Willow was petrified that she would do something else to traumatize Tara. Tara got under the covers and lay on her side, encouraging Willow to spoon her. Tara put her arm over Willow’s side and gently rested her hand on her stomach. She nuzzled her face into Willow’s hair and said, “Ummm…you smell so good.” She closed her eyes and inhaled the Willow/strawberry essence. She sensed that the smaller girl was still tense, and this was supported by the sensation of Willow beginning to tremble.

“Are you Ok sweetie” Tara whispered into Willow’s ear.

“Damn nervous system. I am sorry.”

“D..d..do you want me to m…m…m…move away s..s..so you can go to sleep?”

“No please don’t” the sound of terror in Willow’s voice surprised her.

“Honey, it is ok…you didn’t do anything to hurt me… I really want to tell you about stuff…so it…so…so it doesn’t get in the way, but I am really tired and overwhelmed.”

“I’m tired too. I will try to calm my body down.” She nestled more into Tara. Tara tried to quiet her mind feeling Willow’s body relax and they both entered the state of slumber.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/8/2009)
PostPosted: Sat Dec 12, 2009 12:05 pm 
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Yay for great update-y goodness... I truly truly hope that Willow's snuggle therapy starts to break down Tara's bariers and she tell's Willow everything that happened to her, and I hope that when Willow hears about Tara's sexual abuse she doesn't freak out too much...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/8/2009)
PostPosted: Sat Dec 12, 2009 2:54 pm 
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5. Willowhand
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Location: Hmm... Don't you wish you knew?
Yay for snuggles! Can't wait for Tara to tell Wilow, I'm really curious.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/8/2009)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 6:48 am 
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6. Sassy Eggs

Joined: Fri Aug 07, 2009 5:33 pm
Posts: 475
Location: North Carolina, USA
Title: Meeting Expectations
Author: TaranWillow4Ever
Rating: R, Vivid abuse
Disclaimer: Josh owns all of the characters; I just imagine other lives for them.
Spoilers: None; Totally AU
Distribution: Sure, just tell me where you are putting it.
Feedback: Please, I am playing with POV, sorry to those who don't like inconsistency.

Note: This chapter contains elements of abuse - physical and emotional, that are OUTRIGHTLY DESCRIBED. If anything of this sort bothers you, then please do not read this story The next chapter will contain all the necessary information to continue the story without ever having to read this one.

Chapter 41

Willow woke up to the feeling of a light breeze on her neck. It took her a few moments to realize that what she was feeling was the rhythmic in an out of Tara’s breath. The overwhelming feeling of happiness that bathed over her could not be suppressed and a little squeak came out of her, causing the blond haired girl to move and her eyes begin to open.

“Happy Christmas” announced Willow putting a light kiss on her girlfriend’s lips.

“Merry Hanukah” said Tara returning the kiss.

“Hanukah ended five days ago.”

“It was the first thought that came into my mind.” Tara kissed her again repositioning herself to deepen the kiss.

“Umm…that is how I’d like to wake up more often…” said Willow when the kiss ended.

“Me too. What time is it? When is your aunt going to expect us up?”

Willow looked over at the clock, it was almost 9 am. “Aunt Joyce tends to sleep in. Yesterday she didn’t wake up until almost 11.”

“Cool.”

Willow felt Tara’s lips on her own again and allowed entrance to her probing tongue. She felt Tara urge her to move onto her back with her arms and felt Tara’s hands lightly touching her face and hair. Willow remarked to herself, that she had no problem being on the bottom and enjoyed her girlfriend’s explorations. Willow was getting enjoying touching Tara’s golden hair and was about to snake her hand under Tara’s tee-shirt, when her Aunt Joyce loudly knocked on the door. This caused both girls to jump apart. Willow could feel her face flushing and she hoped that she did not look as guilty as she felt.

“Come in Aunt Joyce.”

Willow looked over at Tara who had an equally shocked look on her face. She hoped that her aunt did not misconstrue their looks.

Aunt Joyce walked in and saw the girls sitting on the bed. She decided that it was not worth asking why the two had such hand caught in the cookie jar looks.

“What do you two want for breakfast?”

“A..a..anything i..i..is f..f..fine” stuttered Tara.

“What do you feel like making Aunt Joyce, it is your holiday. I could cook if you want.”

“Or I could make pancakes,” piped up Tara. “Mama used to always make us pancakes on Christmas morning. She’d even make them into funny shapes sometimes.” The glee in the girl’s face and words made Willow decide to push for this decision.

“Yeah, Aunt Joyce, let’s let Tara make her funny pancakes.” She looked over at Tara and could see that it would make her happy.

Aunt Joyce agreed and the two girls got up and began to make the bed. Right before Tara was about to go out the door to the bathroom, Willow caught her in a big hug and gave her a hearty kiss. “Merry Christmas honey, you are the best holiday present I could ever hope for. Thank you so much for coming here.” Willow saw Tara’s trademark smile, and kissed her again. “Well, if we are going to have breakfast, I guess I better let you go do your morning stuff.” She opened the door and watched her girlfriend pad down the hall and into the bathroom.

Her Aunt Joyce opened her own bedroom door at a similar time and saw her niece’s eyes looking at the departing shape of Tara. She smiled at her and said quietly to Willow, “You really got it bad don’t you. She seems like a really nice girl.”

Willow walked to her aunt’s door, and gave the woman I hug.”Thank you so much Aunt Joyce for everything. This whole thing is more than I could have ever hoped for a holiday present.” She kissed the older woman on the forehead.

Tara opened the door just as Willow was reaching up to kiss her aunt, and smiled at the two women who obviously cared so much about each other. Willow caught this smile, but saw that there was sadness in it as well.

“What is wrong sweetie?”

“N..n..nothing, w..w..why would anything be w..w..wrong?”

Willow ticked off on her fingers, “One. Smile didn’t go all the way to your eyes. Two: stutter. Three: Sad eyes.” She looked at Tara who was no longer smiling.

“I…I miss my mom. Seeing you kissing your aunt made me remember doing the same thing to Mama. I m..m..miss her so much, especially around the holidays.” Both Willow and Joyce could see that the girl was going to cry and as if one body, they both went and enveloped the blond in a family hug.

Willow could feel Tara trying to pull herself together and tried to convey in her hug both the message that it was ok to feel sad and that she hoped that eventually she could provide to her girlfriend some of the unconditional love that she’d experienced from her Mama.

Joyce quietly said, “I know I am not even close, but if you need a hug, just ask. I got plenty of hugs to spare.”

The three women held each other for a few moments and then Tara pulled away and said, “Well, pancakes won’t just make themselves.”

All three women smiled and went down to the kitchen. Willow and Joyce sat at the small island counter in the kitchen, while Tara worked in the kitchen making the breakfast. Willow was amazed at how well Tara was able to make pancakes that looked like snowmen.

The three women had a leisurely breakfast and then went into the living room to sit and talk. During breakfast Joyce had shared her rules of the holiday. No one needed to do anything that they didn’t really want to do, people could wear their pajamas for as long as they wanted to, and that meals would just be decided in the moment. Christmas was a day off.

“Did you have any holiday traditions that you wanted to celebrate Tara?” asked Joyce after she had delineated her rules.

It seemed like Tara was thinking for a moment. Willow could see that Tara was struggling with whether to honestly answer the question or be politically correct. “Answer her honestly; unless it involves something illegal or immoral, I am sure that we’d all be up for it.”

Tara smiled her half smile and said quietly, “Well, Mama and I used to…we used to go for a walk t...t...to the forest and thank the goddess and the universe for the day and often we would do a mini solstice ritual.” She looked at Willow. “D...d...did I ever mention that my mama and I were Wiccan.”

Willow looked at Tara, amazed at the information that she had just gotten. She’s assumed that the girl had been brought up religiously, and had expected that the traditions were going to revolve more around going to church or praying or something. She had never imagined that it would involve a simple walk into nature. “Your dad was really religious right?” asked Willow.

“Uh huh.”

“So how did you guys do that?”

Tara seemed to be thinking for a moment. “Well, we’d go to church in the morning, then mama and I would make a big Christmas dinner. Afterwards, Donny and Daddy would usually be watching football or something on the TV, Mama would tell them that she and I were hot and tired from making the meal and wanted to go out and get some fresh air. It usually worked; they didn’t want us interrupting their game anyway. I remember it only being hard one year when it was pouring rain. We supposedly went for a drive instead to ‘see the Christmas lights’” Tara used the universal sign for quotations and found a nearby glade that was somewhat protected from the rain, and did the ritual there.”

Willow must have been staring in amazement, because she saw Tara look at her and the beginnings of her emotional shut down began.

“No..No..Tara, I think that it sounds really cool. Just tell us where you want to go and I am sure that Aunt Joyce would happily take us. “

The older woman piped in, “Yes it sounds like a wonderful ritual. Just say the word when you want to go, and give me an idea of what kind of place we need to find, and we’ll do it.”

The look on Tara’s face almost looked like pure joy. Willow imagined that the girl had expected to be rejected for her disclosure, and couldn’t quite believe that both she and Joyce were excited to learn about and to participate in her holiday celebration. Willow moved closer to the blue eyed girl and took her hand. Tara looked at Joyce, and Willow saw that Joyce nodded in acceptance of this simple act of intimacy.

“Do you know anywhere around here that there are trees and maybe a small brook or pond, some sort of natural water?” asked Tara.

“I think I know the perfect place. Is there anything special you need?”

“Um…a couple of candles.”

“Got them.”

“T..t..that is a..a..all I need. Maybe we could go after lunch. I have some stuff I want to talk to Willow about first, so I can make the clearing ritual doubly useful.”

Joyce looked at both Tara and Willow, wondering what this was about. “So do you want me to leave the two of you alone, I could go into my study or bedroom or something?”

“N..n..no ma’am. This is your house. You are welcome to listen, if you want that is, you don’t have to, but if you want to know what kind of girl your niece is getting involved with, you might want to listen.”

Joyce looked over at the girl, whose countenance looked like she obviously thought that what she was going to say would cause them both to reject her, “I am sure that whatever you tell us, both Willow and I will continue to accept you for who you are, Tara.”

Tara nodded slightly, her eyes belying her disbelief at this affirmation.
Tara pulled her hand away from Willow’s and moved slightly away. Willow felt sad and Tara must have perceived it, because she looked at the girl and said, “I gotta center myself to talk, I can’t think straight when I am touching you. I need all my brains to get this out.”

Willow nodded her understanding, and sat patiently waiting for the girl to begin.

“Well, some of this may be stuff you already know Willow, but I’m going to start at the beginning so your aunt has all of the requisite details.” Tara took a deep breath. “My Mama’s family or the women in my Mama’s family have been practitioners of Wicca for as long as they can remember. From the stories Mama told me, it seems that my great grandparents had a wonderful marriage and that although great-grandfather did not practice; he supported his wife one hundred percent. Well, this support did not continue on into the next generations. My Mama’s mother, my grandmother married a man who initially said that he’d support her beliefs, though he didn’t believe them himself, but as the marriage went on, and my grandmother began training my mom, grandpa got more religious and he decided that Wicca was sinful and the devil’s work. Just before he died, he found my Daddy at his church and said that he should marry Mama and put an end to the devil worship.

From what Mama says, Daddy didn’t really care about it until I was born. I have an older brother, and he takes after my Daddy in all ways. I guess Mama kept it all on the down low, doing her rituals while taking care of the animals or saying she was going for a walk. Well, when Mama was pregnant, Daddy was sure that I was going to be a boy and that they wouldn’t have to worry about the female lineage continuing, he prided himself as being able to put an end to the “unholy tradition” with just his seed. Well, when I was born, and I obviously was a girl, he decided that I was a “devil spawn” and he set out to make sure that he’d keep the devil out of me.”

I don’t know if he always was so outspoken about the evilness of women before I was born. I asked Mama a few times, but she would never answer directly. She just said that we needed to give Daddy the respect that he deserves and what he does not know won’t hurt him. Fortunately Daddy and Donnie are lazy asses, I am sorry if I offend you Joyce.”

“No offense, go on Tara.”

“So Mama was able to teach me the basics of my beliefs as we cooked and cleaned and gardened. My first few years of life were pretty good. Daddy and Donnie pretty much ignored us, and we placated them. Things didn’t get bad until I was…maybe seven and Daddy started to look closely at my drawings. He found one that I drew of my mom and me, one of my aunts and some other friends in the woods in a circle. I guess he recognized it for what it was and he became irate. He waited until my mom had gone out shopping and he confronted me. He brought Donnie to watch, telling him that he was going to get his first lesson in controlling a woman. Mama had told me not to talk about it so when he asked I said it was just a drawing out of a book I’d read. He accused me of lying and began beating me and calling me devil spawn, saying he wished that I had not been born, that I wasn’t supposed to be here, he was supposed to provide an end to the evilness of my mother’s family. I guess Mama walked in about five minutes into the beating. All I can remember was cowering in a corner trying to keep his blows from getting my head too much. Well as soon as she came in, his fury changed to her, he started calling her terrible names and was hitting and kicking and punching her. Blood started coming out of her nose and she kept yelling at him to stop. I tried to stop watching, but Donnie picked me up and made me watch as Daddy seemed to be beating Mama to a pulp. I can remember screaming and Donnie saying that “nobody cared about the screams of a devil spawn like me or a demon like Mama.”

“I don’t remember when it stopped. I guess I had sort of blacked out, or what I now know as disassociated, because my next memory is of my Mama laying on the floor bleeding, but asking me if I was alright. I wanted to call 911 like she had taught me in an emergency, but she told me that this was private family business and she got up and started cleaning out our cuts and putting ice on our bruises. We just kept to the house for a few weeks until we could both claim to have had some sort of minor accident. But Mama started to have headaches right after this. The next year was terrible. Whenever Daddy would drink, it would start to get bad again. I got good at trying to hide, but I could still always here him yelling and screaming and cursing at her. I’d hide in my closet to try to not hear it, but a frequent tirade I would hear was that I’d made everything worse, that if she just hadn’t had the devil spawn, then things would have been fine. Fool didn’t know he was responsible for the sex of a child. Donnie would often corner me and tell me how worthless and what a useless piece of garbage I was. He was starting to reach puberty and he…he…” Tara paused and closed her eyes. “This…this…this…is where it starts to get really bad. Are you sure you want to know it. I could just go now. Now you’ve got to see that I am trouble. I…”

Joyce got up from where she was sitting and kneeled in front of Tara. “Sweetie, you don’t have to tell us anything more if you don’t want to, but we are here to listen and not judge. I haven’t heard anything that supports anything that makes me think YOU are trouble. Now I am not feeling too good about your father, but I have the utmost respect for you. Go on if you want, or stop.” Joyce patted Tara’s legs.

Tara looked at Willow. Willow tried to convey her utmost support for whatever her girlfriend wanted to do

“There is so much to tell, I haven’t really ever told anyone this stuff. My therapist at the program has tried to get some of it out of me, but it’s never come out this clearly. I’m going to try to tell you a little more.” She took a deep breath.

“Well, Daddy didn’t see much use for girls other than for cooking and cleaning and…you know. Obviously he had little regard for me, and he thought that Donnie could do no wrong, so he didn’t care what Donnie did to me. It started with him beating me, but as he got older and got more interested in girls, he figured he had his own “thing” to experiment on. It got really bad when Mama started having to go to the hospital. She’d passed out at the grocery store one day, and they’d rushed her to the hospital. She was diagnosed with advanced cancer. It was her punishment according to Daddy for having the devil spawn and continuing to worship the devil.”

“A lot of it started during that first hospitalization. Daddy made it clear that he expected me to take over for Mama while she was sick. I figured that he meant the cooking and cleaning and other stuff, but I soon discovered that he meant more. Are you sure you want to hear this.”

“Of course we don’t WANT to hear this sweetie,” said Willow patting Tara’s leg. But if it will help you to heal to tell us, then we want to be here to listen.”

“Ok, I’ll try to tell a bit more. Donnie started coming into the bathroom when I was showering and just looking at me and making comments… I tried to lock the door, but he told Daddy that I was doing something in there and Daddy took off the lock, so I was powerless. I tried to take a shower really quickly, when he was busy doing something else, but it was like he had a second sense of when I decided to do it, at least twice a week I’d find his ugly face staring at me. It got really bad one night. Daddy had gone to the hospital to visit Mama, and I’d been working in the garden. I’d gotten all sweaty and dirty and I had to take a shower. He seemed to have been engrossed in a TV show in the living room, so I thought that I might have some peace and quiet to take a good cleansing bath. I was laying in the bubbles with my eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of the warmth of the water when all of a sudden he swooped in, grabbed me out of the tub and dragged/carried me to his bedroom. “

Willow looked at Tara, her eyes had a very faraway look to them and Willow knew that Tara was back there. Willow looked at her aunt, who seemed to be communicating, ‘we just need to be here for her, and she needs to get this out’

“He started touching me and calling me all sorts of nasty names. Talking about who did I think I was lying in the bathtub like that. I obviously wanted it. I didn’t really even know what “it” was. Mama had sort of explained the birds and the bees, but not in enough detail for me to really understand. I knew what animals did, but that always seemed sort of mechanical…I hurt so bad. I thought that I was going to be ripped apart. All through it, he kept telling me that this is what I deserved, this is what I was made for, I was evil, I was devil spawn, and I was a Jezebel. He told me not to tell anyone, that it would make Mama die quicker and that Daddy had already given his permission for him to do it, so it was going to be our secret from Mama to keep her alive.”

“That Bastard.” Exclaimed Willow.

“My thoughts exactly.” Echoed Joyce.

“Well obviously it didn’t keep her alive. When she came home from the hospital, she was so weak. I needed to do everything to take care of her and the family. I believed Donny, so I never let on; I thought that it would help her live. But it didn’t. She died when I was eight. “She paused, the tears beginning to stream down her face. “I…I…don’t think I can tell you guys anymore right now. Is that Ok?”

“More than OK.” They both said together.

“Is there something else I can get you Tara?” asked Joyce as she handed her a box of tissues.

“No Ma’am.”

“Is there something I can do Tar?” asked Willow.

“No. Can you just sit here next to me? “

“Definitely.”

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Atlantic Antics

Meeting Expectations


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/8/2009)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 9:38 am 
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19. Yummy Face
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Location: Kaskinen, Finland, citizen of Kitopia
Yay for great update-y goodness... I kinda hope that with Joyce's help Bastard Senior & Junior are going to be put to prison for rest of their miserable lifes... Can't wait for the start of Willow's snuggle therapy sessions. Tara really needs those now...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/8/2009)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 13, 2009 12:20 pm 
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5. Willowhand
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Location: Hmm... Don't you wish you knew?
Grrrrrr... :smash :smash :smash :smash :smash :smash :smash :smash :smash :smash :smash :smash :smash :smash :smash

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I am the Queen of Mosquitoes personified, feel my annoying wrath! ~Willow, The Rose

False Euphoria ~~~ Eternity Again


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