The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/15/10)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 3:40 am 
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19. Yummy Face
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Yay for great update-y goodness... I truly hope that Tara helps Willow to get Carly-demon out of Willow's head, so that they can finally enjoy physically loving each other... They need to figure out the way to deal with Faye...

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Last edited by Zampsa1975 on Sun Oct 17, 2010 1:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/15/10)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 10:27 am 
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this fic is just absolutely amazing... I started reading when it was first posted, but i'm just catching up with it now.

It is such a heart-wrenching situation that both Tara and Willow are dealing with. I think that even though their situations are vastly different they will be able to help each other through the fear and emotional wreckage that their childhood's have left on them.

You're writing is giving the situation and the characters' experiences the utmost respect... props for that. The emotions and interactions are raw, but I guess that's the point.

I hope you continue updating this story... I can't wait to read more.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/15/10)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 17, 2010 7:01 pm 
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3. Flaming O
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I started reading this back when you first started posting but life got in the way and I'm just now getting the chance to catch up. It's such a wonderfully thought out and well written story. I'm so proud of the amount of progress both girls have made dealing with their issues. You're covering some very heavy topics and I'm glad you haven't gone the "they're meant to be and their kisses wash away the pain of the past" way that I have seen a lot of different places.

I don't come out of my lurk-dorm for just anyone, ya know, but I thought this is definitely one story I needed to say thank you for. Thank you for thinking of writing it, and double thanks for writing it well and sharing it with us.

~Sammy

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/15/10)
PostPosted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 3:41 pm 
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8. Vixen

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Interlude 57 1/2

The weekend went quickly. She and Willow had gone into San Francisco on Saturday and Tara had gone into Willow’s lab and watched as her girlfriend worked on her experiments. Willow apologized about having to interrupt their time together, but as the newest lab member, she almost always pulled the weekend duties. The events of the previous Friday night were not mentioned by either of the girls and they gave each other wide berths, spending some time making out, but most of their time just quietly holding hands and enjoying being together. What had happened within Willow’s brain remained safely ensconced in there and no matter how many times Tara gently tried to get her to share; it was if an invisible wall had gone up. Tara was not unfamiliar with these walls and she hoped that her soul mate would eventually trust her enough to disclose what had happened.

Willow clung to Tara as she hugged her goodbye at the bus station. They had figured that the next time they would most likely be able to get together would be around Thanksgiving. Joyce had already invited them both to her house for the holiday.

Once again the profound feeling of emptiness and loss overtook Tara as the bus went drove away. She questioned for not the first, nor the hundredth time whether what they were doing was best for Willow. Tara had tried to broach the subject of her fear that their relationship was holding her back, but Willow had quickly hushed her and said that the relationship was the only thing holding her together. Tara was not sure if this was better or worse. It felt like a lot of pressure, but she knew she loved Willow and was willing to give Willow the lead.

Both of their lives went back to their usual pace, Tara working and going to school, and Willow going to school. It was Tara’s last semester of classes was almost over and she was applying to several local child care centers. They had talked at length about Tara trying to find a job closer to Stanford, but the rents around were prohibitive. Willow talked about a hope that she would be able to move off campus but a lot had to depend on whether Willow’s emancipation was approved. Tara had asked her about the status, but had been greeted with silence, so Tara had not pushed it.

Every night when Tara got home from work, she’d look in the mailbox, hoping that there might be a letter from Willow. When she was at school, she’d check her email, and usually be greeted by several short notes from Willow. Often it seemed more like a dialogue than a note.

October 12

Hey sweetie, how is it going? I spent most of the day at the lab today. Got my Advanced Calculus exam back, did pretty well. I am thinking about taking a Women’s studies class next semester. I am sure my parents won’t be too happy, but as long as I take the advanced science and math classes and keep up those grades, then they really don’t have anything to talk about right? I am going to go to the Equinox thingy this weekend. I wish you could come too? But I know, you gotta work. Thanksgiving is only a six weeks away. I love you. Wil

October 14

Hey Tara, I spent most of the time in the lab today. Sorry I didn’t write yesterday, things got crazy. The experiments are going really well. Professor Giles was disappointed that he didn’t get to meet you. He and the others like to tease me when they see me day dreaming. They always accuse me of mooning over my girl. Gotta run, love you W

October 20

Hey Tara, you’ll be proud of me, I’ve actually met a few people who are closer to my age. I took your advice and started going to the soccer games. After about the third one, a girl who’ve I’ve notice is often sitting near where I sit started talking to me She asked me why I am always coming to the games alone. I said that I was just trying to get out. She told me that she just likes watching all the girls running around in their shorts. I almost spit out my soda on her. She laughed so hard. She admitted that she has kinda been crushing out on the goalie, but she doesn’t know if she’s out. Her name is Jody. She’s a freshman, and so is the goalie. We’ve had a couple of dinners together. Don’t worry, she knows I am totally taken. Which I am? I love you Tara Maclay. W

October 22

Guess What? Nate (the goalie) came and sat down with Jody and I today at Lunch. Can I tell you that sparks flew between the two of them. I am not sure if Nate is as aware of it as Jody, but Jody was so happy. There is going to be a Halloween Dance and Jody is trying to get up the guts to ask Nate to go with her. I think that she is going to pretend it is just as friends, but I know that Jody is hoping more of it. It so sucks that you can’t just ask someone if they are gay. I wonder if there ever will be a time that isn’t scary. I remember how we danced around the topic for awhile. I was so relieved when I found out that you were a lesbian. I had felt so alone. I wish you could come to the dance with me as my date. I can’t wait until we can live together and I can just talk to you, rather than having to write. I love you. Willow

October 29

The dance was really cool. Jody didn’t get the guts up to ask Nate to the dance, but she was there. They ended up talking a bunch and I think I saw them leave together. I had volunteered to man the refreshment table. By the time I got out of it, it was really late, so I didn’t bother calling her. Instead I came to the computer lab and emailed my favorite girl. I love you.

October 30th

THEY KISSED. Jody said that they ended up going for a walk after the dance. She said they danced around the subject of attraction and did the whole, do you/did you have a boyfriend. She said that they ended up sitting on the bleachers of the soccer field, and Nate just turned to her, announced that she wanted to kiss Jody, and Jody leaned in. They have to keep it on the “down low” though, it’s not ok to be perceived as a lesbian on the soccer team (though Nate says she is not the only one…). Straight soccer players, there are always a few, more than the straight softball players. Well, because I miss you so much, I guess I am getting vicarious enjoyment out of Nate’s love life. Have I said that I can’t wait until you are here? Aunt Joyce said that she heard my parents were fighting the emancipation. Joyce has not shared with them that she was a part of my application, so my mom keeps thinking she is on her side. I hate that she has to do that, but it keeps Joyce’s as a safe place for both of us. Of course my parents have better things to do than join us for Thanksgiving HARRAH. I was afraid that they would once in their life decided to have a family holiday. So it still is on that we will meet at her house on Wednesday right?


Tara was sitting in the college library finishing up a paper. She made a deal with herself that she would let herself write Willow as a soon as she’d written 10 pages.

DearWillow,

Your friend’s saga seems cute. Don’t get too involved though…It must be hard for Nate having to keep it on the down low. I don’t think I could if we were in that situation, I can’t stop grinning when I think about you. Like your professor Giles, my coworkers often ask me what I am thinking about when I look like I am daydreaming. I am out to some of them, and I admit it, but others I just smile. I hate that everyone assumes that everyone is straight. I am so tired of classmates and coworkers trying to fix me up with their sons or nephews or friends. You would think it would only take one, “No thank you, not interested” and they would drop it. Sometimes I want to scream.

Sucks about your parents fighting it, but I am glad that Joyce has been able to stay out of the fray. I don’t think I would have the guts to come to dinner if your parents were going to be there. I think they believe I am a witch who enchanted their innocent girl. Well, you were my reward for writing 10 pages, only 5 more to go. Love you, Tara

Nov 9th

Dear Tara, you have definitely enchanted me. If you are a witch, then you are the kind of witch I want to hang around with. Some of the people in the Wiccan group I went to really believe they are witches. I went to a All Hallows Eve circle with the Wiccan group. They said they were going to cast spells, but it sounded mostly like Latin to me. It might have been Welsh or something I don’t know. I didn’t see anything too supernatural there.

I hope those people will stop trying to fix up my girlfriend. You are mine, mine, all mine. No sharing with any boys (unless you want to…you are your own boss), I can’t wait until I see you in 2 WEEKS. I love you? I am going to try to call on Sunday. I hope I can reach you.
Love Willow.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/15/10)
PostPosted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 4:09 pm 
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8. Vixen
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Dibs!!! brb - funny how dibs are like crack for those that follow a story - everybody wants it.

Interesting, but not surprising Willow's walls came up after their encounter. Of course Tara reflected on her own issues around intimacy. If they could just kind of spit it out to each other, it might make things easier. Disclosure has to happen and at this point they've been ongoing long enough one would think, trust issues aside.

It also figures Willow's parent's would fight her emancipation. Hopefully their absenteeism will work in her favor to show she's pretty much on her own anyway.

Great update.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/25/10)
PostPosted: Mon Oct 25, 2010 11:08 pm 
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Yay for great update-y goodness... Good that Willow met Jody & Nate, so she didn't have to hang around Faye... I guess Tara could say to her coworkers that she's in a long distance relationship so she doesn't need them to set her up... Good that Joyce is kept out of the emancipation battle for now so that Willow & Tara have a safe place to meet... I really really hope that they talk about their intimacy issues during the Thanksgiving holiday, it might not be the best way to spend the holiday but necessary for their relationship...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/25/10)
PostPosted: Tue Oct 26, 2010 11:09 am 
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More please?? Soon??


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/25/10)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 8:40 am 
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I absolutely LOVE the letters/emails interludes that are interspersed throughout this fic. We get a little insight into the daily happenings of Tara and Willow even though they are far apart from each other. I just love the way it flows. Personally, I think people are often more candid with each other in the written form--shyness and barriers often get in the way of being honest, which I think is the case with this Willow and Tara.

Can't wait for more!


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/25/10)
PostPosted: Sun Oct 31, 2010 4:55 pm 
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Hmmm. I couldn't remember if I responded. It always seems so hard when they're apart. It makes me feel nervous but I have great confidence. I guess, really, they have been apart for a lot of their relationship.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/25/10)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 2:09 pm 
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8. Vixen

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Zampsa1975: Thanks for reading. Thanksgiving will be bittersweet.

JustSkipIt: THey will remain apart for awhile, so that feeling of worry about them apart may stay.

Cyteach: thanks for the support and reading.

Vampyregirl: THanks for the feedback, this situation is far more common than I'd hope.

SMGOVAN: Sorry it took so long.

I am sorry that this update is so tardy. For some reason, I have found this chapter VERY hard to write. I know where I want this story to go, and for some reason this chapter has caused a major bump in the road. Hopefully, I’ll be writing more loyally from now on.

WARNING: This chapter is primarily about abuse, if this type of thing bothers you, don’t read it, I will provide the gist in chapter 59.


Part 58

“So are we going to talk about the elephant in the living room?” asked Tara. She had arrived at the bus station near dinner time. Joyce had taken them out to dinner and they returned to the house and watched a movie. She and Willow had held hands during the movie, but there was an awkward vibe in the air. After the movie, they had both had feigned fatigue. Joyce had issued her familiar reminder of the rules, and they had gone to Willow’s room. After putting on their night clothes, and doing their evening ablutions, they were laying in the bed.

“Huh?” asked Willow, trying to be dense.

“The big pink elephant? I think she said her name was Josie” retorted Tara.

“I know we have to, but I don’t want to.” Willow tried to put her best pouty face on.

“Your pouty face is not going to work. We don’t have to talk about her, but I have a feeling that if we don’t, she’s going to be staring at us every time we decide to get cuddly, and possibly blow a peanut at us when we least expect it.

“But she is so cute, maybe she won’t choose to blow peanuts at us….”

“Willow,” said Tara rather sternly.

“What?” she said feigning innocence again.

Tara moved so she was sitting in front of Willow. Willow in a very uncharacteristic move looked down and refused to look into Tara’s deep blue eyes.

“Is it that scary?”

Willow screwed up her face and began to think. “Um…scary?....not really, just embarrassing….” Her voice trailed off.

“Why not get it over with?”

“Can’t we just forget it?” said Willow hopefully.

“Well, if you don’t trust me, I guess…” Tara knew what she was doing was unfair, but she knew that her girlfriend couldn’t resist this kind of dare.

“No I trust you….” said Willow emphatically. “I trust you completely…it’s not that…it is just that it isn’t something that I’ve told people a lot about…you’ll see what a stupid kid I was.

“The important word, KID…what ever happened must have happened when you were a kid, right? Does it have something to do with Carly?”

Willow nodded almost inperceptively.

“What did she do to you?”

Willow got a far off look on her face. A look that Tara was very familiar with, Willow was going into the zone. Tara wondered to herself what Willow’s disassociation would look like…An absence of babbling, a quiet Willow? Or would she just start babbling uncontrollably and Tara would have trouble telling what she was saying. Tara knew not to touch someone in that state, so she just sat there quietly.

“Well, I have told you some of it. Carly was one of the softball coaches. I was on this traveling team. I played second base. Not that that is important…Well, it started with Carly picking me to share her room under the guise of keeping an eye on the youngest player so that she wouldn’t get corrupted by the older girls. My parents thought she was so responsible…It kind of came to a head one weekend. We’d been flirting a lot, or what I now know is flirting…we…were put in a room with just one bed for the two of us. She claimed that there weren’t any cots available. It had been an exhausting game, and all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. When I got out of the shower, I found that she had invited several of the other coaches over to our room. One of them offered me a beer, I know I shouldn’t have taken it, but I wanted to seem cool. Well, the next thing I knew, I was in bed and Carly was all over me. She was not gentle, and it was nothing like I’d hoped or expected my first, sort of consensual sexual experience to be. She told me that if I told anyone, I’d be kicked off the team and nobody would believe me. Well it got worse over time, and anytime I said anything about it hurting, or not liking what she was asking me to do, she’d remind me that with one word she could get me off the team and how my parents and the rest of the team would never believe me. I was the one with the history of lying…Before all this had happened; she’d seemed like a supportive adult and had listened to me about what was going on at home. She used a lot of what I said against me.”

“What you are describing is called grooming. My therapist said that it is how perpetrators get their victims. “

“She wasn’t a perpetrator; I wasn’t a victim. I was a willing participant….most of the time.”

“It doesn’t matter, you were under age, she was over 18 right?”

“Um…yeah….but…I was flirting with her.”

“It doesn’t matter. You could have been walking around naked in front of her, you were a kid, she was an adult…the expectation of propriety is totally on her.”

“I don’t think so…”

“I know it is hard to get your mind around. There are a couple of girls in my sexual abuse group that have similar stories. They all are about guys, but it seems like it is the same thing. Is there more you want to tell me about?”

“No.”

“Is there more you should tell me about?”

“Probably.”

“You don’t have to right now if you don’t want to. I don’t want you to think I am pressuring you. Have you told anyone else about this?”

“Our shrink at the program…but I didn’t give her much details… It is not something that I want to talk about. I’ve tried not to think about it…but then….” Willow became silent.

“Then what sweetie?”

“You are going to think it is stupid.”

“No I won’t. I promise.”

“Well…um…when we were, you know…um…about to…you were about to…”

“Make love to you.”

“Yeah…um…I kinda felt like I was back there…back the last time..when…it was awful…I think she had put something in my beer…she said…I deserved it. It is what I got for lying…”

“Sweetie…you are not talking in sentences.”

Willow shook her head…The scene coming back again like a flash.

“I let myself into her house. There were a bunch of other people…they all were laughing at me and how Carly was talking about me…she was threatening to break up with me ‘cause I was so young…so I…it was my fault…I shouldn’t have done it…”

“What shouldn’t you have done?”

“Took the beer…there must have been something in it. I woke up…naked…in bed with a girl actually a woman… I think her name was Cindy…Carly was there she was…she was… doing it with…another woman…I think her name was Joan. I freaked out…and she started yelling at me…telling me how bad I was at oral sex so she had to get it somewhere else and how ugly I was, and how nobody would ever want to be with me… that I was a hideous scarecrow.”

Willow began to shake and rock. Tara sat with her for a few minutes, but when Willow didn’t come out of the fugue and was still rocking and crying, Tara didn’t feel that she could handle it herself. She was sort of afraid that maybe Willow was having a nervous breakdown. Shit I should never have pushed her.

Willow didn’t even notice when Tara left. Tara walked to Joyce’s room and knocked on the door. She heard a tired, “what” come from the room followed by “come in”.

Joyce flipped on the light and saw that Tara was obviously upset.

“What is wrong? Is Willow Ok?”

“No. It is Willow. We were talking about” OK how do explain it without telling her what happened before “her past and she sort of went into something like a trance, kinda disassociation, maybe a flashback…she is just crying and rocking and she won’t stop. I am sorry to wake you up, but I don’t know what to do…maybe she’ll respond to you.”

Joyce went to the room and found Willow curled up on the bed in the fetal position crying. She began to rub her back and gradually Willow came back.

“What happened?” asked Joyce.

Willow looked at Tara and nodded, and Tara began to tell the sanitized version. “Um…did Sheila and Ira ever tell you about Willow and her softball coach?”

Joyce seemed to be thinking for a moment. “Um…I think I remember them telling me that she’d accused some coach of being her girlfriend, but that it wasn’t true, it was all in her imagination.”

“It WAS true, Joyce. Nobody believed her. But it was true. Willow was telling me about it and she kind of freaked out. This woman abused Willow, Joyce.”

“Sweetie. Why didn’t you tell me? I would have pushed it…” replied Joyce.

“It was my fault.”

“And your parents did not believe you?”

Willow nodded. Joyce looked from girl to girl. Willow was sitting up, looking exhausted by ok. Tara continued to look concerned, but was not as pale as she’d been when she’d woken Joyce up.

“Do I want to know why you girls were talking about this tonight?”

Willow and Tara looked at each other.

“No?”

“Ok, well why don’t you two go to sleep now, and maybe things will look better in the morning, and if it doesn’t we can address it with clear heads. I will have the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on the TV in the kitchen and I’ll need your help to prep some of dinner, so we all need our sleep. Ok?” Joyce kissed both of the girls on the forehead and turned off the light as she left the room.

“Good night.” Said Joyce

“Good night” both girls answered.

“Damn elephant. No more peanuts for you….good night Tara.”

“Good Night, sweetheart.”

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/25/10)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 3:17 pm 
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Dibs...

Well, even with the wait, I was very excited to see an update here.

You've touched on a lot of the issues that both girls have experienced throughout their short lives, but I think the Willow-Carly issue needed to be out there in the open... the damn pink elephant, no matter how much we try to ignore it, will always come back at the most inopportune time.

I like the fact that Joyce is now in the know with Willow's abuse. Having absolutely no one to rely on for support for something like this certainly accerbates the feelings and shame and guilt. Tara's knowledge from her support group can be a big help with Willow finally understanding some things.

I'm glad you got this chapter out.. .I've been there with having one chapter not wanting to come out. Hopefully things will flow for you better now (I'm a little selfish in this as I'd love to read more soon :blush )

Great update, can't wait for more.

Cy


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 10/25/10)
PostPosted: Sun Dec 05, 2010 5:15 pm 
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Wow... welcome back!!... Our girls have more things in common than I thought. Difference is, Tara is dealing with her abuse and Willow is letting her's eat her up from the inside out. I despise Shelia more with every passing episode... Great update...im sure the stupid :pinky will be throwing more peanuts again soon.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/5/10)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 5:48 am 
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Yay for great update-y goodness... I'm really glad that Joyce finally knows the truth about Willow's abuse... Stupid peanut throwing :pinky ... I hope Willow gets help from Tara and her support group in dealing with the abuse...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/5/10)
PostPosted: Mon Dec 06, 2010 2:05 pm 
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I've really enjoyed this thus far. The description of the school/treatment facility was very realistic and well done. You've handled these issues with due respect.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/5/10)
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 12:11 am 
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Wow. I think you are brave to tackle such huge issues in a fic, and you are doing a wonderful job at making it realistic. At first, I thought there would be a fair amount of abuse related angst. Then I got to the meal where Willow didn't eat, and Tara stole the paperclip and knew that both girls had a lot to deal with. But you've chronicled there journey so amazingly.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/5/10)
PostPosted: Tue Dec 07, 2010 9:25 pm 
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This chapter was absolutely worth the wait. I read this fic straight through a few weeks ago and though it was heavy duty, I've really enjoyed it. You are doing an excellent job portraying the abuse that both girls have endured.

I think that the worst part of childhood abuse it the fact that the adults they trust to protect them, don't believe them. I've seen it happen first hand and it does a royal screw job that follows them the rest of their lives. It truly affects their ability to function in "normal" society and they always feel as if they are just kind of floating outside that bubble of reality. Kudos to you for the accuracy in your story!!

Looking forward to your next update!!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/5/10)
PostPosted: Wed Dec 08, 2010 5:19 am 
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Wow. What to even say. We knew some of this stuff from Willow's more general statements to Tara but this is just terrible to read. Again, I can't stand that not only did this adult that she trusted and idolize abuse her so badly but that her stinking parents did nothing to help her. Arggghh. I'm so glad she's with Joyce now but I wish things had gone differently then. I can't remember - is Willow still in therapy? I hope so. Eek.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/5/10)
PostPosted: Sat Jan 22, 2011 4:22 pm 
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Cyteach: Thanks for reading. The flow remains slow…but will continue to come. I can’t leave things unfinished.

SYMGOVAN: Yes, they have lots of things in common, unfortunately these things may continue to cause them grief.

Zampasa1975: Thanks for the support. The elephant will continue to dance…

Aurorabored: I am glad you feel like I deal with the issues with respect. That is my intention.

Promethea128: Thank you. I am glad you feel like it was realistic.

FineyMcFine: I know the effects of abuse both first and second hand, and I wish all children a Joyce in their lives.

JustSkipIt: Nope, no therapy…she will realize she needs it again soon.

Ok, a short chapter to get things moving again. Thanks for all the support and feedback.

Chapter 60

Willow was amazed that she had actually fallen asleep after the intense conversation the night before, bit as soon as she snuggled into Tara’s warm body and focused on her rhythmic breathing she was able to lull herself into a place of calm and relaxation. Willow didn’t think that her therapist had been of much use, therefore she had deemed herself “cured” a few months previous, but teaching her deep relaxation and mindfulness was somewhat useful.

She woke up and felt coolness where she had expected warmth. She reached over and saw that the other side of the bed was not occupied. She raised her head a bit and looked around the room to determine whether the absence was recent and Tara had just gone to the bathroom, or whether the blond goddess had already awoken and gone downstairs. Due to the absence of her bathrobe on the door, as well as, the decidedly chilliness of the sheets Willow figured she’d been gone awhile. Willow got up, put her own bathrobe on and began to quietly walk down the hallway toward the stairs leading to the bottom floor. Willow could hear quiet talking below, so she slowed her gait down so she could sneak up on the two and hear what they were talking about before she joined them. She walked to the end of the stairs and sat down, this space being a perfect spying space. Willow could hear them working around the kitchen, probably preparing the stuffing and turkey to be put in the over.

“So you REALLY didn’t suspect any of that stuff Joyce?” asked Tara, her voice filled with more judgment than Willow would want directed toward her aunt.

“I swear Tara, if I had ANY idea that Willow was being abused, I would have stood up with her. I wouldn’t have ever just swept it under the carpet.”

“But you said that Ira and Sheila told you that she’d accused someone…why didn’t that make you wonder?”

“Tara, I know you are angry…and I am sorry…you have to believe I’ve been asking myself the same question, most of the night. I almost called her parents up and asked them the same question. But what good would it do. We can’t change the past, no matter how bad we want to.” The older woman paused, “They told me the whole, “Willow thinks she is a lesbian, and she had some fantasy affair with a coach, a lovely girl, she’d never do anything like that…” so the stuff with the coach, was buried in the story…It’s not an excuse…I know…Tara, you have got to understand that I did not see her parents as objectively or clearly before…before all this started. I had sort of drunk the Rosenberg Kool-Aid. Its effects just started to wear off during the last year or two.

“I am sorry Joyce, I think I am directing the anger I have toward her parents toward you. It is not your fault. I just need your help.”

“With what?”

“She’s got to talk about it…probably to someone more knowledgeable than you or me…or it is going to eat her up…literally or figuratively…I’ve suggested it to her, but maybe she’ll listen to you.”

“I don’t know, you seem to hold a lot of pull with my niece.”

Willow could imagine that Tara was blushing and hiding behind a piece of her beautiful blond hair. She wanted to see if she was right, but also was curious where else this conversation was going to lead.

“Y…y…yeah, I know…but, she and I have very different views on therapy. I think it is salvation, she thinks it causes more problems than it is worth.”

“I didn’t know she felt so strongly.”

“I don’t think she ever answers questions in depth. She often answers in the way that she perceives you want to hear, rather than say…”

“the truth.”

“Kinda…not that I am saying she lies per se.”

“More tells parts of the truth, leaving out the contradictory information.”

“Sort of. It is a skill that is often well developed in kids who have been abused like Willow.”

“Like what happened to her before she was adopted?”

“More like after.”

“You think she was abused AFTER she was adopted, I mean other than this coach thingy.”

“Well…”

Willow decided that this was the opportune time to interrupt the conversation, before Tara told Joyce more than she wanted her to know. Despite her awareness that Tara thought she had Willow’s best interest at stake, Willow was feeling a little irritated and did not want to hear what else Tara thought Joyce should know.

“Hey people, why did you let me sleep in so late? I could have been helping you make this marvelous smelling concoction” she walked into the kitchen and moved over to the saucepan that her girlfriend was stirring. Willow put a gentle kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek and went to sit on a stool near the kitchen island.

“So what were you all talking about before I came down, what did I miss” said Willow in a jovial manner.

The two women looked at each other. Willow read this as an indication that they weren’t sure what to say. “Me. You were talking about me. Right. It is ok. If one of you had gone all catatonic and freaky, I’d be talking about you. But it really wasn’t anything. That is what you were talking about right?”

Tara swallowed, inhaled and said, “Sort of. Not about last night per se, but just about stuff regarding what Joyce was aware of. I didn’t tell her exactly what made you get upset.”

Willow looked point blank at Joyce, her voice was somewhat confrontational with a definite edge, “So do you want to know? Or are you still wondering WHY we were talking about this subject before going to bed?”

Willow’s belligerent mood deflated when she was met with caring eyes, rather than equally angry ones, but she maintained the eye contact.

“I want to know whatever you want to tell me. Whatever you think would be helpful to tell me…”

Willow looked over at Tara, her eyes looked scared, and it took Willow a moment to figure out that Tara was possibly afraid that Willow was going to tell Joyce about their sexual difficulties. no fucking way She tried to communicate this to her girlfriend, but she wasn’t sure if it worked.

“Well, I told you some of the highlights last night when I got out of my fugue, but the bottom line is that the relationship ended after I was basically drugged, date raped, humiliated, told I was ugly and outed all in one day and nobody believed me, everyone thought I was the ‘bad’ and ‘crazy’ one. I showed them right, proved they were all right.” Willow cocked her chin in a defiant manner.

They two other women were stunned. They both were looking at Willow with somewhat dumbfounded expressions on their faces.

There was an awkward silence, and then Joyce approached her and hugged Willow. “I am so sorry you had to go through all of that, and especially all that alone. I wish I had been there for you. I wasn’t then, but I promise I am now. I am here for it all, the good and the bad.”

Willow found herself relaxing into the hug, hearing the words that she didn’t know she had wanted her mother to say then (or even now). A dam of tears came flooding out. Joyce held her while she cried, and cried and cried. By the end, all three of them were sitting on the floor of the kitchen bawling…a box of tissues being scooted from one to the other. This scene was broken but the sounds of a marching band coming from the livingroom.

“The parade.” Willow jumped up, wiping her nose on her sleeve and ran into the living room and jumped on the couch. Ok…1..2..3..stuff those feelings Rosenberg. “I love the parade.”

“Do you want some toast for breakfast?” asked Joyce.

“No thanks, I’m not hungry”

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/5/10)
PostPosted: Sat Jan 22, 2011 4:41 pm 
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Dibs....Welcome back!! I was really missing this story. Wow, Willow has alot going on. I mean avoidance much? She went from balling her eyes out to who..and hooo paaaaaaarade!!...With her refusing the toast, I see an eating disorder in our future if she does not get help soon. I think i'm gonna go back and re-read this fic. Bcuz, I don't remember any abuse (physical) that Willow suffered except from her sleeze ball coach. I know that the Shelia monster did a number on her mentally...Anywhoo's, I'm glad the story continues.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/5/10)
PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2011 5:14 am 
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Yay for great update-y goodness... Big yay for this story being updated... I'm glad that Tara told Joyce about what have happened to Willow... Bummer for Willow interrupting them before Tara told everything... I truly hope Willow now sees therapists more as help than hindrance... I truly hope Tara-snuggles and :wtkiss are as big help in the intimacy department...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 12/5/10)
PostPosted: Sun Jan 23, 2011 6:12 pm 
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Yay an update!! Glad to see you back!


This fic is absolutely heartbreaking and you are doing a terrific job writing it. For a long time I felt like Tara was in worse shape than Willow and that Willow was getting it together. Now I see that Willow hasn't really dealt with her issues properly and is so incredibly broken. She desperately needs to see a good therapist, Tara and Joyce are not going to be able to 'fix' her by themselves.

I can see Willow retreating into herself and pulling away from Tara and Joyce. Tara is still dealing with her own issues, now she has to deal with Willow on the brink of a complete emotional breakdown. I'm super worried about Willow when Tara goes home in a couple days. I so wish that they could find a way for Tara to live closer. I feel like having Tara there full time would give Willow more of a resolve. I also fear that Willow is going to do something totally desperate and stupid that will drive a huge wedge between she and Tara.

Quote:
“Do you want some toast for breakfast?” asked Joyce.

“No thanks, I’m not hungry”

Truly a sign that Willow is about to hit bottom. My heart sank with that last line.


Awesome, as usual! Please update soon!!!

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 1/23/11)
PostPosted: Mon Jan 24, 2011 7:10 pm 
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Hmmm. Well, I'm glad that Joyce and Tara are talking even if Tara seems pretty mad at Joyce. understandable but I'm not sure it's helpful. I'm glad that Willow didn't seem upset that the other two were talking about her. She seemed to understand that they care about her deeply. At the same time, the way she said

Quote:
“Well, I told you some of the highlights last night when I got out of my fugue, but the bottom line is that the relationship ended after I was basically drugged, date raped, humiliated, told I was ugly and outed all in one day and nobody believed me, everyone thought I was the ‘bad’ and ‘crazy’ one. I showed them right, proved they were all right.” Willow cocked her chin in a defiant manner.
Seems a bit of a cross between defensive and dissociative (I'm not a therapist person so that might be the totally wrong word). It just seems like a retelling of a long list of shocking words that don't really portray a ... I don't know ... working through it? Something.

Also, the fact that she didn't want breakfast was very worrisome.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 1/23/11)
PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 3:00 pm 
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Thanks everyone for the feedback. I guess the plot is pretty transparent, but hopefully I will add some twists that make it all worth while. Here is a teaser. I hope to write more soon.

Part 61

Looking back, Tara remembered that day.

It had taken her a long time to get to sleep, and remaining asleep continued to be elusive. After several hours of tossing and turning, she gave up and quietly slipped out of the bed, trying hard to not awaken the sleeping beauty beside her. She hadn’t thought she was successful, when she felt the redhead search for the warmth that had left, but she gathered the blankets into the negative space and girl resumed her gentle snoring.

Tara knew that she’d only seen the surface of her girlfriend’s troubles. When thinking about their two stories, she had always thought that her abuse had caused her to be much more damaged; but she was seeing now that the years of benign neglect may caused more pervasive damage. Tara felt powerless, and realized that she could not help the girl alone; she would need the help of her aunt.

Tara went downstairs and curled up on the couch with her book. She must have ended up dozing, because she was awakened by sounds coming from the kitchen. Joyce was getting out the pots and pans to start preparing the turkey. Tara stood up and walked into the kitchen.

“Sorry, I was trying to stay quiet, but it is hard when trying to get out large pots and pans” said Joyce.

“No problem, I wasn’t really asleep…” said Tara yawning.

“Do I want to know why you were asleep on the couch? Did you two have some sort of fight after I left? Was Wil upset that you came and got me?”

“No ma’am. I just was having trouble sleeping, and I didn’t want to wake Willow, so I decided to come downstairs, everything is ok.”

“Did you two stay up too much later?”

“No ma’am. We pretty much stopped talking and went to bed after you left.”

The two women began preparing the vegetables for the stuffing. After about three minutes of silence, Tara blurted out “So you REALLY didn’t suspect any of that stuff Joyce?”

“I swear Tara, if I had ANY idea that Willow was being abused, I would have stood up with her. I wouldn’t have ever just swept it under the carpet.”

“But you said that Ira and Sheila told you that she’d accused someone…why didn’t that make you wonder?”

“Tara, I know you are angry…and I am sorry…you have to believe I’ve been asking myself the same question, most of the night. I almost called her parents up and asked them the same question. But what good would it do. We can’t change the past, no matter how bad we want to.” The older woman paused, “They told me the whole, “Willow thinks she is a lesbian, and she had some fantasy affair with a coach, a lovely girl, she’d never do anything like that…” so the stuff with the coach, was buried in the story…It’s not an excuse…I know…Tara, you have got to understand that I did not see her parents as objectively or clearly before…before all this started. I had sort of drunk the Rosenberg Kool-Aid. Its effects just started to wear off during the last year or two.

“I am sorry Joyce, I think I am directing the anger I have toward her parents toward you. It is not your fault. I just need your help.”

“With what?”

“She’s got to talk about it…probably to someone more knowledgeable than you or me…or it is going to eat her up…literally or figuratively…I’ve suggested it to her, but maybe she’ll listen to you.”

“I don’t know, you seem to hold a lot of pull with my niece.”

“Y…y…yeah, I know…but, she and I have very different views on therapy. I think it is salvation, she thinks it causes more problems than it is worth.”

“I didn’t know she felt so strongly.”

“I don’t think she ever answers questions in depth. She often answers in the way that she perceives you want to hear, rather than say…”

“the truth.”

“Kinda…not that I am saying she lies per se.”

“More tells parts of the truth, leaving out the contradictory information.”

“Sort of. It is a skill that is often well developed in kids who have been abused like Willow.”

“Like what happened to her before she was adopted?”

“More like after.”

“You think she was abused AFTER she was adopted, I mean other than this coach thingy.”

“Well…” Tara thought about how to explain how Ira and Sheila’s attitudes and conditional acceptance had caused many of Willow’s difficulties. She was formulating a response when she saw Willow walk into the kitchen. She still looked tousled and a moment of lust swept over her, but then she remembered where she was and with whom. She smiled at her girlfriend.


“Hey people, why did you let me sleep in so late? I could have been helping you make this marvelous smelling concoction” Willow walked into the kitchen and moved over to the saucepan

Willow put a gentle kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek and went to sit on a stool near the kitchen island.

“So what were you all talking about before I came down, what did I miss” said Willow in a jovial manner.

Tara looked at Joyce.

“Me. You were talking about me. Right. It is ok. If one of you had gone all catatonic and freaky, I’d be talking about you. But it really wasn’t anything. That is what you were talking about right?”

Tara swallowed, inhaled and said, “Sort of. Not about last night per se, but just about stuff regarding what Joyce was aware of. I didn’t tell her exactly what made you get upset.”

Tara saw Willow look at Joyce, and was surprised at her tone. “So do you want to know? Or are you still wondering WHY we were talking about this subject before going to bed?”

“I want to know whatever you want to tell me. Whatever you think would be helpful to tell me…” replied Joyce.

Please don’t talk about our sexual difficulties, I don’t think I could look her in the eye if you did…

“Well, I told you some of the highlights last night when I got out of my fugue, but the bottom line is that the relationship ended after I was basically drugged, date raped, humiliated, told I was ugly and outed all in one day and nobody believed me, everyone thought I was the ‘bad’ and ‘crazy’ one. I showed them right, proved they were all right.”

There was an awkward silence, and then Joyce approached Willow and hugged her. “I am so sorry you had to go through all of that, and especially all that alone. I wish I had been there for you. I wasn’t then, but I promise I am now. I am here for it all, the good and the bad.”

Tara watched while her girlfriend collapsed into her aunts arms. Willow began crying, and then Joyce, the pain was so palpable, that tears began streaming down Tara’s face as well. They all collapse onto the floor, and passed a box of tissues around. They did not stop sniffling until the clear sounds of a marching band came from the living room.

“The parade! I love the parade.” Said Willow as she ran into the living room and jumped onto the sofa.

A few minutes later, Joyce asked, “Do you want some toast for breakfast?”

“No thanks, I’m not hungry”

Looking back, both she and Joyce should have seen the transition, and these words should have set off warning bells, but they did not. Tara wondered if it had, would things have worked out differently?

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 1/30/11)
PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 3:05 pm 
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DIBS!

So, just a quick glimpse from Tara's POV and it looks like Willow is headed for rock bottom. Lot's of foreboding with the first and sentences of the chapter. I'm dreading the next few updates!!

Please write more soon!! :kgeek :kgeek :kgeek :kgeek

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Last edited by Finey_McFine on Sun Jan 30, 2011 3:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 1/30/11)
PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 3:22 pm 
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Yay for great update-y goodness... I truly truly hope Willow doesn't go back to her not-eating ways... I hope Tara and Joyce manages to find a really good therapist for Willow because she really really needs one and I hope Willow is going to be honest to the therapist so her healing can begin...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 1/30/11)
PostPosted: Sun Jan 30, 2011 4:18 pm 
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Looks like the other shoe is about to drop. I can't imagine anything good coming after the last paragraph of this update.


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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 1/30/11)
PostPosted: Tue Feb 01, 2011 11:06 am 
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Well that's horribly ominous! I'll be waiting to read more but expecting bad stuff.

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 1/30/11)
PostPosted: Sat Feb 12, 2011 10:01 am 
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PLOP that is the sound of the second shoe dropping. Thanks for all the support.

Part 62

Where the fuck am I Willow tried to sit up, but found that her hands were loosely tied to the sides of the bed. There was an IV in one of her arms, and she could feel something stuck to her chest. She wiggled her nose and realized that there was tube inside of it and an oxygen cannula below. There was a machine that was making a beeping noise and something that felt like a clothespin attached to her finger. She felt really funny. The drawn shades gave no indication of whether it was the middle of the day or whether it was the dead of night. Shit, I think I am in a hospital. Why would I be in a hospital? I wasn’t driving anywhere….I wasn’t walking in the street… I was in class...what the fuck, why do I feel so shitty… I feel so tired. I’ll just close my eyes for a minute and then I’ll figure what to do…

The next time she woke up, she sensed that she was no longer alone. Willow willed her eyes to open, but it felt like so much work, instead she just listened to the voice of one of the people who had come into the room. She heard in a rather officious tone, “Patient is a 17 year-old female brought to the hospital in full cardiac arrest. Cause is suspected to be due to bradycardia and electrolyte imbalance. She was found collapsed in a chemistry lab. She is a student at a local college and her guardians have been notified; however her parents are out-of-the country. An aunt is expected to be here within the next few hours. She is in soft restraints due to attempts to remove the feeding tube and IV. We are waiting on the results of the EKG to determine the level of heart damage.

“Heart damage, Shit, I guess I really fucked up this time. Open your eyes Rosenberg and tell them you are fine. Aunt Joyce is going to be freaked out …I feel so tired… Willow began thinking about what had set this all off.

She had not planned to allow this to go so far. It started at Thanksgiving after the Carley debacle had came out. She wasn’t that hungry afterwards. It was so easy to stop eating and start exercising more. She started walking everywhere and just “forgot” to eat many of the days. If she started to feel faint, she’d eat a tangerine, and that would fix it. Things had gotten worse after she got the official response from the courts that they would not hear her petition for emancipation due to her ‘history of inpatient treatment for mental illness.’ It felt like there was no way that she could survive another eleven months with her parents calling the shots. Once the semester was over, she knew that she could not face either Joyce or Tara at Christmas. So she had lied about some things that she had to do and tried to dodge their questions. The hardest thing had been turning down Tara’s offer to come spend a few days with her, but she knew if Tara saw her, she’d get on her case, and she didn’t want to deal with her pressure to get help. Willow feared that she’d pushed both of the women away. She’d stopped answering their calls, and just sent enough emails to keep them off her back. Well, now they had contacted Aunt Joyce, and she would have to pay the piper. Willow drifted off again. I hope they gave me something to sedate me, I hope I am not going to be like this too long.

When Willow woke up, she could tell that Aunt Joyce had arrived. Her signature perfume was beside her and she could feel her warm hand holding hers. She could also tell that the soft restraints remained. Willow willed her eyes open.

“Sorry.” She managed to whisper out.

“Willow? Finally…we were starting to worry that something had gone wrong and you were not going to wake up. They were going to get an EEG…”

“Fine. Just…really tired.”

“Not much of a surprise. You almost died.

“Were you trying to kill yourself?”, came a voice from the corner. It was familiar, but the tone was not.

“Tara? How …how did you get here?”

“The normal way, buses go all over California”

“But…but…you just started your job.”

“Well, if they don’t understand, then I guess I will have to find another.”

“When can I get these things off?” she used her head to point to her hands, “How long am I supposed to be here? When can I go home?”

“Can’t answer those questions right now…the doctor said she’d be back later with the results of your ultrasound and lab work…” replied Joyce.

“I want to go home.”

“Um…let’s focus on getting out of PCU first why don’t we” said Joyce.

“I’m fine.”

“You obviously have not taken a good look at yourself lately.” said Tara.

Willow gulped,“Do I look that bad? ‘ She paused and took a breath. why does it feel like breathing is a chore? Why are you mad Tare?”

“Mad? Let’s see…maybe more upset…more scared…kinda mad.”

“at me?”

“Probably at all of us; I feel like both Joyce and I should have caught it…but you should have talked to us…if you were feeling so hopeless.”

“I don’t want you to be angry. It kind of snuck up on me” Willow yawned…”When do I get this tube out of my nose?

“I guess the doctor can answer those questions too.” Joyce patted Willow’s head. “Maybe you should take a rest. We’ll wake you if someone comes around.”

“Will you hold my hand while I go to sleep?” Willow asked Tara.

“Sure.” Tara moved and sat next to her.

Willow closed her eyes and fell asleep.

************

The next thing she knew, she woke up expecting to see Tara, but instead she was looking into the angry eyes of her mother.

"What did you do this for?" asked Sheila.

To ruin your "working vacation" I suspect you think…shit what is she doing here? 'Where is Dad?"

"Good to see you too", said Sheila. "He couldn't come. He is going to meet us when we get back to Boston."

Us…we…Boston? I must have heard wrong. "Huh? He is in Boston?"

"Yes, and that is where we will be having you transferred. The doctor said that you should be able to travel in a few days, just as long as we have a cardiologist see you when you get there. Boston General is an excellent hospital."

Willow was still groggy, but she knew that this was NOT good news. "Where is Aunt Joyce?"

"I sent her home, we didn't need her anymore. I am here." Shit, where is Tara? Come on Rosenberg, pull your brain together. They must have given me something. My head is all stuffy… "I can't go to Boston, I have to go back to school as soon as I get out of here. I am missing classes. I need my work…"

"You are not welcome back until you can prove you got 'help' and are no longer 'suicidal'" Willow could hear the air quotes in her mother's voice.

"I wasn't suicidal."

"Well, they don't believe that. You've been officially put on a leave of absence. Once we get all of this…" Sheila motioned to the room, "we can get you admitted as a visiting student at one of the Boston universities. I have heard that both MIT and BU have good Chemistry departments. With your grades and reputation they should both be honored for you to study with them. But I suspect that it won't happen until the summer semester…"

Like hell I'll still be there at summer time… "Why did you come? I am ok. Aunt Joyce was taking care of me."

"Yes, so well that you got yourself here."

"She didn't know. I've been staying at college…I told her that I was busy working on my research, which was the truth. "

"Well, the doctors insisted that one of us come, and they are insisting that we get you more treatment. I guess you really hurt yourself this time. Twenty-five percent damage to your heart. They almost had to put in a pacemaker. What boy is going to want someone with a lump above their breasts…I am so glad it didn't happen."

Give me a fucking break, boys…maybe killing myself is a good idea… Willow looked around, but she was still in soft restraints, and as she had heard so many times in other treatments, suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem… it doesn't feel short though

"Well, you should go back to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day. We have tickets, on a redeye from LA to Boston. You can't believe how expensive a direct flight is…but you are worth it …I guess. " YOU GUESS Just then, a nurse came into her room and put something in her IV. Willow drifted off to sleep as her mother continued to complain and tell her about the plans. 300 days…I can do whatever I need to for 300 days .

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Atlantic Antics Meeting Expectations
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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 1/30/11)
PostPosted: Sat Feb 12, 2011 10:42 am 
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9. Gay Now
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Yay for great update-y goodness... Willow kinda deserved the rude wakeup call so she can really start to get help...

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 Post subject: Re: New Fiction: Meeting Expectations (updated 1/30/11)
PostPosted: Sat Feb 12, 2011 11:08 am 
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20. Not one Much for the Timber
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Wow. Powerful and scary stuff. Reading this fic is somewhat akin to riding a roller coaster. You have this slow build up and then this agonizing free fall at warp speed!

I'm really starting to wonder if W/T are actually going to make it. I know they've been apart before for long periods of time, but with Willow in the physical and mental state she's in, plus Tara being so angry...I don't know.

Even though I HATE Sheila, Willow getting treatment is the best thing for her. I guess she's going to have to hit rock bottom and lose everything in order to come out whole on the other side. Maybe losing Tara and being 3000 miles away with no hope of seeing her in the near future...just maybe she can pull though.

Where is Tara anyway? Did she leave? Did Sheila run her off as well? Ugh!! Too many questions and so much angst!!!

BTW...I really like what you've done here with sort of mirroring S6, but without Tara's death. Hitting rock bottom, Willow's heart damage a part of her now, being sent thousands of miles away to rehab...bravo!

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