Thanks everyone for the replies - you've been very encouraging. So consider this reward or punishment.....
Disclaimers: Willow and Tara and other characters borrowed from the television show “Buffy: The Vampire Slayer” are the property of their creator, Joss Whedon, and his affiliates, Mutant Enemy, Fox, and UPN. I’m just playing with their creations.
Spoilers: Starting just after Tara left Willow. I’ve often wondered what Tara went through during that time – and I’ve kind of filled in some gaps. Of course there will be plenty of angst, pain, girl loving and of course a happy ending.
Rating: PG-13 for now - things will I'm sure heat up a bit
Summary: What Tara went through – all the stuff that wasn’t really covered while they were apart. Things that happened in the show around this time happen, but I’ve kinda messed with the timeframe.
Feedback: The more the better.
Part 3.
Tara sat through her Art History class barley registering a word, her mind continually drawn to thoughts of Willow. Willow. That word now bittersweet for Tara, delivering equal measures of pain and pleasure. Willow’s spell had put all of them in danger, and it was only luck and instinct that kept them safe until Xander crushed the crystal and their memories returned.
What was she thinking, after I told her how I felt about the memory spell? Leaving that night was like tearing herself in two, even more painful than she could have imagined. Should she have stayed? She wondered over and over again.
If she stayed, could she have helped Willow? Would Willow have acknowledged she had a problem? If she stayed, would she have been hurt more by Willow? She jumped between thoughts until she thought she would make herself sick.
She tried to focus back on Professor Lucas, but in a minute her thoughts wound their way back to Willow.
What is she doing? Is she OK? Are the scoobies looking after her? What if she hurts herself? Oh my goodness, she thought – what if she hurts herself, gets a spell wrong, and gets in too deep….
‘Ms Maclay? - Ms Maclay – are you OK?’
Tara’s head jolted upwards at the sound of her name. ‘Oh – I – I.’
‘You don’t look well, Ms Maclay, perhaps you’d like to take a break?’
‘Yes Professor Lucas, I d-don’t feel very w-well, perhaps I should get some fresh air.’
Tara found herself wondering aimlessly around the campus. Too anxious to sleep, her stomach too churned up to eat, too scared to call the scoobies. She felt a wave of sadness flow over her, Willow had caused this, it was Willows fault and now she was at home being taken care of by her friends and Tara was here alone – again. Once again she had to fight alone, get through her pain alone, she felt the tears burn as they filled her eyes. She desperately missed her mom, she wanted her mom, she would have known what to do, she would have understood.
She was so buried in her own pain that she didn’t see the other student round the corner in a hurry, and they collided in a collection of arms, legs, and papers. Tara cried out as she landed roughly on her right arm. ‘Oh my, I’m so sorry, please let me help you up? Tara - are you OK?
Tara looked up – and discovered that the person she had so indelicately slammed into was Jennifer, a fellow Wiccan student. ‘Oh – Jennifer, I am so sorry, I guess I wasn’t really looking…’ She winced in pain as Jennifer helped her to her feet, her wrist throbbing, sending shooting pains up her right arm.
‘Tara, I think you’ve really hurt yourself,’ Jennifer cried as she saw Tara’s red and rapidly swelling wrist. ‘Oh – I’m sure it will be f-fine,’ even as she spoke she tried to wriggle her fingers, and the pain was enough to make her knees shake, and make her feel slightly dizzy. ‘Oh, well maybe I could use some help.' Jennifer picked up the papers, bags, and gently ushered Tara towards the college medical centre. As they headed down the corridor a young woman emerged from the shadows smiling, she watched them until they disappeared from her sight.
The doctor stared intently at the x-rays, and turned to Tara. ‘Well Ms Maclay, it appears that you have a small fracture in the distal radius, obviously from landing badly when you fell. Luckily the fracture is relatively minor, so you won’t require surgery, however you will require a half cast for up to four weeks, and a sling for a week or so.’
Tara sighed, ‘Ok, I guess…’
‘Ms Maclay do you have any family who can help you for the next few days? I don’t think we can let you go unless we’re sure that you will be able to take care of yourself.’ The doctor asked the question as he started to bandage Tara’s wrist into a sturdy cast.
‘I, um, well …’ Tara stuttered unsure what to say. I don’t have any family that would come here to look after me, well none that I would want to, and my other family, well, she sighed as her thoughts wandered into painful territory.
‘Tara, I’d be happy to you know, like take care of you for a couple of days,’ suggested Jennifer. Tara had almost forgotten the dark haired witch was still in the exam room.
‘Oh Jennifer that’s v-very sweet but,’ Tara winced as the doctor tightened the bandage around her cast.
‘Oh nonsense and bosh – It’s partly my fault so I think I should help you out – just for a couple of days,’ smiled Jennifer. Tara looked at Jennifer, she seemed sincere, but Tara sensed something else. Maybe I’m just really tired thought Tara, dismissing her concerns.
‘M-maybe j-just for a d-day or two? That would be very sweet of you, if you are s-sure,’ said Tara, stifling a yawn.
‘Right Ms Maclay, you’re OK to go now, just be sure to keep your cast on for four weeks, and keep your sling on for the next week or so, until you feel comfortable without it. Of course come back here immediately if you have any concerns or worries.’
Tara nodded; suddenly feeling tiredness and the weight of her worries about Willow descend upon her.
‘Oh Ms Maclay, don’t forget your painkillers, one tonight and one in the morning should get you over the worst of it – and please be very careful with that wrist,’ said the Doctor as he gently ushered her out of the exam room.
An hour later back in her dorm room, Tara sighed – she was finally alone. Jennifer had bought her back to her room, fussed over her, made sure she took her painkiller, helped her into her pajamas, set up her bed so the phone was close in case she needed help during the night, and offered to go out and buy some food so she didn’t have to get up for breakfast in the morning. Finally Tara had to insist that Jennifer should go home, that she was ok, and just really needed to get some rest, and she would worry about breakfast in the morning.
As Tara snuggled down into the sheets she felt agonizingly alone. She knew if Willow were here she would still be fussing over her, making sure she was OK, making jokes to try to make her feel better and forget the pain in her wrist. But Willow wasn’t here, neither were her family or the scoobies. She felt the familiar welling of tears in her eyes that threatened to overflow down her cheeks. Tara scolded herself, ‘For heaven’s sake – pull yourself together, it’s just a small fracture, no one died, things will be better in the morning – you just need some sleep.’ She leaned over and turned off the bedside lamp, leaving her room illuminated by moonlight alone. For a very long time Tara Maclay laid there, staring at the ceiling, eyes open, willing a reluctant sleep to come.
'mmmmm Willow that feels so nice.'
Tara buried her head in the pillow as Willow continued kissing her neck and shoulders. 'You like that baby?' 'uh huh feels soooo good.' She felt Willow’s wet lips on her hot skin, up and down her back, over her neck, behind her ears, then trailing down her spine. She could feel Willows breath hot on her skin as she whispered 'so where would you like me to kiss you next Ms Maclay?' Tara smiled as she turned to her lover and 'oh my - Willow - your eyes!!!' she gasped.
'Relax baby - it's just the magicks' Willow smiled and reached out to touch her.
Tara awoke with a start, slumping back into bed when she realised she was dreaming – again.
‘I so need a better ending to that dream’ she thought to herself as she looked down at her bandaged wrist.
Tara had never believed that she could have met and fallen in love with someone like Willow. No – that wasn’t true – she had never believed that someone like Willow could have fallen in love with her. She still didn’t really understand why Willow loved her but she knew in her heart that Willow loved her with all of her body and soul.
The first night that they kissed was the happiest night of her life; she never thought that a simple kiss could make her feel so much – passion, love, fear, and a naked burning desire she’d never knew was possible. They hadn’t rushed that night, they had enjoyed each other, kissed for hours, touching, talking and simply staring into each other’s eyes.
‘So do you think we should get up?’ asked Willow as she kissed along Tara’s cheek and jawbone. ‘mmmmm,’ moaned Tara.
‘It’s late – we’ve been smooching all night’
‘Uh – huh.’
‘You’ll miss class,’ teased Willow as she continued nibbling behind Tara’s ear
‘Rigghhhhtttt.’
‘I’ll miss class.’
‘oohhhhhhhhkkaayyyy.’
‘So you’re happy to have a girlfriend who flunks out of school?’
‘Will your lips flunk out of school t-too?’ asked Tara with a wicked smile.
‘I’m afraid so – if this brain flunks then the rest of this heavenly body is out of here.’
‘Damn.’
‘So I remind you once again – It’s late….’
Tara suddenly sat up, startling Willow and almost knocking her off the bed.
‘Woa – in a hurry much?’ asked Willow as she clutched Tara for balance.
‘Willow?’
‘Yes?’
‘Did you just c-call me your g-girlfriend,’ asked Tara
Willow smiled, ‘You know – I think I did!’
They had kissed some more and as Willow was about to leave, Tara had given her the doll’s eye crystal. Willow didn’t decline this time, she took the crystal in both hands, kissed it and kissed her girlfriend.
Tara smiled at the thought. She loved Willow, Willow loved her. Maybe things would be ok after all...
It's hard to see Tara feeling so heartbroken and having to return to where it all started after it's all ended...so hard.
