Hello dear kittens,

I would like to share with you this story. I have written it as a fan fiction, but it is actually a work I'm doing as my own. A sort of book if it ever comes out as a book.
So it is a very important thing to me.
I will ask you to read carefully the disclaimers. Because this story will not be easy to read;

I am not done with it yet. I have all planned out, but I haven't written everything yet.
Tonight is the introduction, and later this week end, there will be the first chapter. After this I hope to update weekly. But I can't promise anything.
I'm sorry before hand.

Friendly,

Julia.



Title: Broken Dolls
Author: Juju DeRoussie
Rating: NC 17 over all. Not for good things at first I fear.
Disclaimers: I do not own any characters coming from the TV show Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I do not make money from this. I do however own all of the other characters.
Spoilers:None, this is totally uber.
Distribution: Please feel free to ask
Summary:This is the hard part for me. The lives of two pretty dolls, from childhood to the end of teenagehood and the beginning of adulthood. Life isn't always a gift. There are many demons. Not the metaphorical kind.
WARNING: This story will be about abuses. Mental as well as physical. If you are sensible, please do not read this. If you think you can't handle it I prefer for you to not read this. I am serious. I prefer for you to not read this than to read it and get upset. I know this subjects can be difficult, so dont ignore this warning! Thanks
Feedback: Please very much so. Anykind as long as it is said kindly. And please i you have any suggestion, tell me.
Thanks: To my princess who is a busy beta but I love it nonetheless, and thanks to these dear persons who encouraged me. And of course, thanks to June who told me to not be afraid of writing this.

To my dear Vnoucka, Élo, and Her.

[center]Prologue:[/center]

[hr]

The dark outside frightened her. She was hungry and tired. Her mother shouldn't be long now. She decided to go and wait in the hall. That way she could hear her mother's heels' sound on the corridor's hard floor.

She was impatient to tell her mommy about her day at school: how she had shown Sandy she was wrong, how well she has done in class, and also ask her mom to sign a paper so she could go on a field trip. She was afraid to forget about this. She needed the paper or she would stay at the school in another class and will have more homework. She truly wanted to go in the forest with her class. They were going to ride ponies and learn how recognize a tree from its leaves. There would also be a race through the forest. She has always loved that kind of stuff. When she was younger she went once a week to the forest. Her belly growled once again. She was truly hungry now, but she had to wait for her mother. She wouldn't be long now.

Half an hour later, a woman came in the flat and found her daughter asleep in the hall on the floor. It made her smile. A sad smile though.
The woman bent down to pick up the lithe body in her arms and put her on the couch. She woke her up slowly, smiling.

She had felt her mommy take her in her arms, and she had heard her voice. She opened her eyes and saw her mommy smiling. She was talking about making her some soup before going to sleep. She just nodded. She was forgetting something she was sure. But she was too much hungry and sleepy to remember what.

After a little while her mother came back and asked her to get seated at the table. But she still didn't remember what it was that she wanted to ask her mommy about.
After dinner, Sheila took her little girl to the bathroom to brush her teeth, and then to her bedroom. She kissed her baby girl's forehead and asked her what story she wanted to hear.

But the little girl was already half asleep so she just stayed there watching her 7 year old daughter go in the Dreamland, holding her little teddy bear.

Later that evening, Sheila Rosenberg washed the dishes and thought about her daughter. She had to work hard to raise her since her divorce from her husband. He couldn't give her any money for their daughter. He came by once in a while to see her and to ask for money.

She loved dearly her daughter. But it was so hard to be a single mother. Still, she felt guilty to come home so late. However never the thought to come home right after work and to go with her friends only once or twice a week crossed her mind.

Every day she would take a break at work and call home to see if her daughter was back from school and if she was ok, then she would finish work and head to the pub, have generally 3 to 5 beers, and come back home, make dinner for her daughter, and put her in bed. When she had the time in the morning, she would wake her daughter a bit early to draw her a bath, have breakfast, and then she would go to work, trusting her daughter to go to school on her own. Her little girl had her own keys now. She had found colored keys, and made them different colors for each keys. The building's key was purple, the one for the first lock on their door was red, and for the second it was green.
She couldn't help but smile when remembering her daughter's pride to have her own keys. And colored!
Sheila put aside the dish towel and went to her own bed with her cigarettes, a book, and a beer. The weekend was near, and on Sunday she would spend the day with her daughter and their neighbors.

She met this woman some months ago while doing the laundry in the basement, they never really saw each other besides there, but she was moving out next week and they decided to spend this Sunday together. She had a daughter too, maybe their girls would play together.

***

Rebecca Maclay awoke with the feeling of tiny hands shaking her. She opened her eyes and was confronted with two hopeful bright blue eyes and an adorable pout on small pink lips.

"Pancakes mamma?" asked the blonde haired girl. Her voice so small and hopeful brought a smile to Rebecca's lips. She couldn't help but hug her daughter tight against her chest, causing the little girl to fall on top of her. Seeing an opportunity in this position, she tickled mercilessly the baby girl.

The giggles of mother and daughter filled the small flat. A quarter of an hour later Rebecca found herself in the kitchenette making pancakes for her daughter. Smiling to herself, happy to have this little ray of sun in her life.

Rebecca Maclay was a single mother. Her husband was gone one day with their son, and she never heard of them ever again. Her husband, officially he was still her husband had never liked having a daughter. Neither did he love his wife. They both had been married by their families. Both families had been happy about this marriage but the two of them. One day Donald Maclay Senior just left with Donald Junior. Rebecca had then to find a job, and to move in a smaller flat. People thought she would have been depressed and lost without Donald, but she was more relieved than anything else.

Her life now was simple, take care of her sunshine, her 5 years old daughter. Work to offer her a good life. Of course she missed her son. But it wasn't like with her daughter. Donald made sure for her to know when Donnie was born that he was his son, not theirs. As for her baby girl, she was hers and not theirs.
She couldn't ask for more than her daughter anyway. She was bright for a 5 year old girl. She never asked for things she knew they couldn't afford. She ate all her vegetables. A really easy to raise child.

They had to move out from this flat. Rebecca had an offer for a better job in another town, so she couldn't stay here. It meant another school for her baby, and new landmarks in a new home. Rebecca was about to loose what she had the closest of a friend. But more money was better for her daughter.

Her baby girl who was currently trying to carry her empty plate and the syrup, without letting go of her doll.

"Don't you think it would be easier if you put Dolly down?" asked Rebecca, her eyes smiling.

"I don't wanna! She can't come to school with me, so I have to take care of her while I am home!" answered her pouting baby girl.

And so the day was started.

Rebecca will walk her daughter to school and then go to work, then she would come pick her daughter up from school at the end of her day. Her world turned around this sun. Her sun.

***

Sheila awoke her daughter at 7 o'clock with a glass of orange juice. It was their little ritual every morning. After her daughter drank the juice, she would give her mommy a kiss good bye and take care of herself before to go to school on her own. The school wasn't far. Ten or fifteen minutes by walking.

This morning, like every others, Sheila had her good bye kiss and then went to work.
After her mommy was gone, the little girl went to take her shower. Then carefully she picked up her clothes for the day, and then prepared her bag for school. While doing so she remembered suddenly what it was that she had to ask her mother the previous night. Sighing in defeat, she said good bye to her trip in the forest. She knew she should have put the paper on the table when she did her homework, but she just forgot and after... She was too tired to remember it. Oh well, she will spend Monday in another classroom, if she was lucky she will be in a superior level and truly learn stuff while she will do the homework. Indeed, she was very smart and had no problem at all doing three or four things at a time. For this reason, she was bored in class... She liked what they did, but it was just too slow for her. She should have skipped a class already but her mother and the director of the school had had no time to meet yet. But soon, her mother had promised. Maybe next month.
Once ready to go, she ate breakfast while watching the cartoons. It was time to leave for school, so she turned off the TV, put her bowl in the sink and put some water in it, and then put her coat on and took her bag.

The last day of the week, then she'll have more time with her mommy. As much as she loved school, she loved weekends to spend time with her mommy.

***

Friday went like any other weekday for Sheila Rosenberg, she came home late after some drinks with her friends and co workers. The week wasn't over for her though, she still had a morning shift on Saturday. But everyone could almost smell the weekend, so they spent hours laughing and drinking. When she arrived at home, it was past 9 o'clock. Her daughter was asleep in front of the TV, a movie rated PG 13 running on it currently. Her daughter was cuddling her Teddy bear tightly, as if holding on to him for dear life.

Sheila took off her coat, and went to wake her baby girl up.

"Honey? Time to wake up honey, mommy is home! There, mommy will make you dinner, come to help me? yes? Come on sleepy head".

After turning off the TV, Sheila and her daughter made dinner, ate dinner, and Sheila put her baby in bed. Took some wine, some cigarettes, a video from a locked cabinet, and went to her bedroom.

Some times later, the flat was silent except from some low sound, like moans, coming from the mother's bedroom.

***

Saturdays Chez Les Maclays was usually filled with daily chores in the morning, quiet games for the little blonde head, and groceries in the afternoon.

But this Saturday was filled with packing. Rebecca was packing her few belongings and her daughter's in a practical order. Trying to decide what was still needed for the few days she was still there, and what her daughter couldn't do without.

Always willing to help, the little girl told her mamma:
"Dolly stays with me Mamma." With such innocence and bright blue eyes that Rebecca everytime melted.

***

For the Rosenbergs, it was a bit different. The morning was spent at work for Sheila. Her daughter woke up later than on week days and then read or watched TV. Or both.

At the end of her shift, Sheila came back home directly, unlike on week days. She and her baby had lunch, and then went to the grocery store. Their time together had started, and you couldn't see a brighter smile in the whole store.

The evening came and they watched TV while eating a dinner they prepared together. The weekend was sacred. Both were happy.

***

On Sunday morning, Sheila and Rebecca awoke both very early to do some laundry before the rest of the building decides to do so too. It was their weekly meeting. Sunday morning, 7 o'clock. Nobody else used the washer and dryer at the ungodly hour. Their daughters usually still slept at this hour, and if not they still knew where their mothers were.

This Sunday morning, Sheila and Rebecca did their laundry as usual and decided of the events of their day. Their daughter had never met, and they were both glad to spend the day just te four of them. They would spend it AT Sheila's because Rebecca's was full of boxes.

They chatted about the weather and did the usual smal talk. Around 9 they both had their baskets of laundry in their hands and so they made their way to their respective flats, Rebecca promising to come in half an hour or so.

Each daughter was already awake, only Rebecca's had not taken her shower yet. She was only 5 and so bath time was only when her mommy was there.

Around 9:30, Rebecca and a very excited blonde rang Sheila's doorbell. Another little girl opened the door and stared expectantly at the strangers on her doorstep.
"Hello there, I am Rebecca, your mommy is expecting me and my daughter, can we come in?"

The red haired little girl was about to answer when her mother came from behind and urged the two blondes in.

Both little girls were shy at first. Fortunately Super Waffles came to their rescue. Full of imagination, the 7 years old girl showed to the younger how Super Waffle could fly, bit by bit, in her waiting mouth. She told fantastic stories of how Super Waffle with the help of Magic Syrup and OJ the Great saved Breakfast Town. Soon the flat was filled with innocent and young laugher. One of the last times.

***

As the day went, both families spent time together. During the afternoon however, both mothers asked the little girls to take a nap. The grown ups used that time to talk about things more personal.

But the two girls couldn't sleep. They were too much excited by each other's presence there. They talked for sometimes but then the younger was falling asleep. They decided to cuddle, the red haired girl promising to watch over the blue eyed baby girl while she slept.

Rebecca and Sheila regretted to not have introduced their daughters earlier. They were also surprised at how fast both little girls bonded with each other. Surely there will be tears in the evening, and much more when Rebecca and her daughter will move to another town.

After their nap, both girls played together. Hearing them make plans to play like this every Sunday, Rebecca and Sheila explained to the girls that it was impossible.
Both girls went to the safety of their Castle, and tried to make plans. Locking themselves in their own universe.

***

"Why don't you come with Mamma and I? You could sleep in my bedroom!" asked innocently the blonde head, her eyes shining with tears and innocence.

"I can't, I have to stay with my mommy. And you with yours. But it is unfair. Grown ups!" mumbled the red haired girl, her green eyes full of tears too.

They spent the rest of the afternoon to play and act as if they were never going to be torn apart. They found this unfair to have a new friend and to not be able to keep it.

Unfortunately, the time flies when you play, and both girls heard Rebecca calling out for her daughter, time to go home had sounded.

"Will you forget about me?" asked once again the blonde haired girl.

"Why would you ask that? I could never forget you! I promise!" answered with all her heart the red head, crossing her heart. "Wait!" she suddenly exclaimed. She went to her bed with her Teddy bear, and give it to the little girl, with hopeful green eyes.

"Take my teddy, you will not forget me, and he will watch over you when you sleep. Ok?" she asked, her eyes pleading.

The younger girl took the Teddy bear almost reverently, and hugged it tightly, crying her heart out. She promised "I will take good care of him. Promise."

She then threw herself in the older girl, both crying. Suddenly realizing something, the blonde haired girl run out of the room and downstairs, where she had left her doll with her Mamma.

Perplexed by the blonde's departure, the redhead got up slowly and went out of her bedroom. The younger girl came running to her once again, her doll against her chest.

"This is my doll, I want you to keep it for me. And to take good care of her. She needs a good Mamma ok?" The red haired girl nodded, her lower lips trembling, the tears once again willing to run freely on her soaked cheeks.

"What's her name?" she asked, taking carefully the doll in her arms, as if it was a real baby.

"Dolly. Does your Teddy bear has a name?" asked the blonde girl.

"No... Just Teddy bear. You can give him one if you want." said the red haired girl.

Both mothers were watching the exchange, understanding the girls' pain, and wanting to erase it.

"I'll call him Teddy Willow. Like you." Said the smiling blonde.

"Ok. Can I name your doll Dolly Tara?" Asked Willow, hope written all over her features.

Tara nodded.

They were both smiling, looking like tow dolls made of porcelain. Two innocent little girls. But porcelain is so fragile...
[hr]

Thanks for reading

Innocence is a thing so precious, you have to cherish every bit of it.

Yeah!!! Dibs for me.Im so excited.You would think I wrote it.LOL
Reading now.


Uhoh...This is a very telling line here.I sence much trouble on the way that Buffy cant help with.

Ohh Boy. I see now alreadt Im going to need a lot of tissue for this one.
But WOW!! What a great begining.



Im getting the impresion that Sheila might be walking a bit on the naughty side.

Both of the dad's are just bastards.
May I call for their exicution already or do I have to wait??
I guess I can wait till the first chapter is done at least.



I was yelling at my computer just now. PERMISSION SLIP!! FEILD TRIP!!!
Nut I guess she didn't hear me.




This is just lovely.I love this exchange. It brings tears to the eyes.
This is remarkably well writen Julia. It's going to tragically beautiful I can see for sure.




You do relize how very, very frightning this line is dont you? You did that on purose.I know you did. You are going to break these little porcelain dolls.Aren't you?
But I have faith. You must have plenty of superglue on hand.You love them to much to leave them broken.

Great work Juju. I love it already.I can't wait for the next chapter.
I hope its not a very long wait though,

Im so glad that you have writen this and even happier that you posted it.
Thanks for sharing it with us.
Rosemary

Wow just wow Ju. I can't tell you how much I'm going to love this story. From the moment you told me your idea, I knew it was going to be a great story. Well hell we haven't even started the chapters yet but the prologue was great. I loved the way you introduced us into the lives of a very young Willow and Tara. And I love the way you ended the prolugue, . I have a feeling this is going to be angsty but that will only make me love it more.

_________________
"There is never a pill strong enough to make me feel the way all your fingers could."

Wow! JuJu, this was really heart-breaking and it was only the prolouge.. Yep, I have a feeling I must prepare myself for the waterworks...

And, the waterworks have just started I dont think the'll end anytime soon either... I cant wait for your next chapter.

_________________
I can multi-task (talk and piss you off at the same time)
They say that money talks but mine just waves, "Goodbye."

Julia!

I am so frickin happy you're posting this! I think the Willow/Tara universe is the perfecrt place to explore the fragility of innocence. (And I think we all know that bad things are coming). I've always seen BTVS as a long, long metaphor about kids confronting demons and figuring out how to grow up and be ok in the end. Bad things happen along the way. Hearts broken, family and friends lost, sense of self challenged and shaken, responsibilites weighing heavily...balanced by the brightness of not having to walk through it all alone.

All of this from the BTVS universe is there to tap into. I don't know where your story is going to take us, but I love that you're starting at the very beginning. Somehow you've captured the way kids can attach themselves to each other in a day, how time isn't the same thing as it is for adults. And everything is heavy with hope and import.

And you say this is a very personal story for you. So double bravo for your bravery in putting out something that's going to be challenging for both reader and author.

Thank you for sharing this.

June

Ouch - that was so sweet, the innocence and charm and the quickly-established and freely given love between the two young girls... it's like twisting the knife, knowing there's badness on the way. I really liked the brief scenes you used, showing moments and routines in both girls' daily lives, and building in the background of their mothers' lives and the situations they were in, it was very evocative. So... onwards, as much as it might be tempting to wish that this brief period of innocence could last forever. I'll be looking forward to the next chapter, albeit with considerable trepidation about what might happen. Nevertheless, bravo

_________________
Chris Cook

Through the Looking-glass - Every world needs a Willow and Tara.

There's alway something about stories that show us "little Will and little Tare," that breaks my heart. I fear with all this innocence in your prologue comes much pain and discovery with future chapters. And really, I applaud your bravado for telling a story that you say is so close to you. I'll read your words with gentle eyes. Thanks.

And oh, we share the same beta, only our stories could not be any further apart. We might break Jude, huh?

Hi there Juju
sorry for the lateness i was thinking some clever lines to leave as FeedBack but I couldn't come up with anything
but I already love your fic and I sense pain loss and angst coming up....and that's great, I mean, just ONE update and yu already have me like a lap doggie lol
can't wait for the next chapter
Jay {your lap dog......for now lol}

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|| Fanart...sort of || Short poetry || A little bit of smut never hurt anyone | Nothing left | Promise || Text ||

When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew. -Arrigo Boito

now i wished i didnt read your warning, your warning for me was like "oh sh*t someone's gonna beat the hell outa lil willow or tara. noooooooooo"

that proved me wrong, but i guess what hurts more is psychologically and not physically.

oddly enough i feel tears brimming in my eyes...
damn...
crap. crap. crap. now im somehow sad, but owell. i got through it.



thats just cute. but somehow i get this feeling that one of them is gonna forget about the other one. Like t/w's gonna end up really powerful and tramp all over t/w's parade for being nice and having a care-free life.

but i think thats just me looking too much in the future update soon and with a milder side of angst please.

_________________


i have a bad habit of bumping up old stories...
shameless self-promotion

hey Juju,
I am really enjoying this. The prologue was tinted with sadness and loss, which is one of my favourite kinds of fic (as you probably already know from my writing), and little Willow and Tara are just irresistable! So much so that I'm gonna hang around until the next update, which i hope is going to be really soon!
The image of little Willow curled up asleep in the hall made me kinda sad, i'm not sure why.



this line is really deep. Great last line, leaves the audience very interested.

I'm really intriged about the past of both families, and what is going to happen to Tara and Willow in the future. When will they see each other again? Is it going to be one of those fics where they accidentally bump into each other years later, and romance ensues?
this is going to be great, i can tell.
cheers
Lifty

_________________
If you're gonna get up, you might as well get up with me - Tegan and Sara

Saving Myself

Actually, I'm the beta. giggle

Break out the tissues. You're going to need them. Ju said that I might hate her for what's going to happen in the upcoming chapters...

I'm putting the finishing touches on the next part right now.

Hey Julia!

I'm glad you finally posted your story, and I see that everyone here seems to agree about your story
This is only the prologue, but you are slowly building a real tension here. The way you describe the two girl's lifes, simply, before writing a sentence like that :


Well, this is killing me.

Other moments were so sweet between the two little girls:


Awwwwwww. And, of course, the Dolly/ Teddy bear exchange. That was so cute...

To tell you the truth, I'm seriously worried about how the situation is going to evolve, but now I'm hooked and I have to know! This is a great work Juju, thanks for sharing it with us.

Friendly, Pauline

_________________
"Endors moi à Venise...Réveille moi à San Francisco
Je suis un peu surprise...Que le monde est beau..."
Superbus, "Travel the World"

Hello Ju!

Wow yes as many other said, I knew from the begining I would love this story and I do.

It is so sweet and sad at the same time, I wonder how things woll go for the little girls.

I am worried about what is going to happen also I will not stop reading it for your warnings

I liked it all, and this is one of the quotes that stood in my head mostly. Please and update soon?



Sorry i took long to feedback, you know why it was anyway. Hugs

Hello everybody,
First, thanks for your wonderful feedbacks. It was wonderful to read your enjoyment. But I have to admit, now I am sure of it, the kittens are masochists! LOL

I would like to say something else, I have misused the word "personal". I didn't mean as "this is autobiographical", but, I am writing a book, called Broken Dolls,with the same plot, but not the same characters, and of course some changes. So it is personal as, it is a sort of baby.
I have to say that, yeah, there are some elements of my own life. Thankfully it is not the bad parts. I don't think so anyway. The very bad parts are inspried from what and how I see the world. Also from some wonderful encounters with persons having lived some horrible (not as horrible though) things but who had come through this. Strong. Beautiful.

There, I'm going to answer to everybody now, I just thought I should explain it.

Hondos:
Hihihi. Yep.

Well, one spoiler: There is no Buffy here. So no, she can't help with. Too bad. Bad me.
I'm glad you have liked the beginning.
Sheila is naughty yeah. But you'll see by yourself later.
Well, I hadn't thought of the dads. They aren't really great dads. Oh well...
Thanks a lot for your comments my dear.
Of course I'm gona break those dolls of porcelain. What's the point in the title otherwise? huh?
Well you will not have too long to wait for this first chapter
Enjoy sweetie

woahnellie: hi
Thanks so much for your support from the very beginning. I'm glad you like it boonie. maybe in some weeks you'll hate me. LOL.
*hugs

amberholic08: Hello
Thanks. I'm glad it was heart breaking. Ok this sound very sadistic. But I think you get my point. Waterfalls? That's wonderful too. As we say in French "Cry you'll pee less". ^^
Thanks

Junecleavage: First June, thanks for your support.
Thanks to have come to check on my fic
This story is not personal in that way. Just I like the story, I think it is a good one and it is my own creation so... It's like my baby. Twisted baby, I know. But mine nonetheless
The BtVS universe is great for that kind of dark story yes. That's just a big metaphore, and strangely here I let fall the metaphore to write about unslayable real demons.
Thanks for all your support. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Friendly

Artemis: Hello Chris (may I call you Chris? ), Thanks for commenting.
The innocence can't last forever unfortunately, if it did, there would be no point in cherishing it. I hope you'll still enjoy the next chapters. The mothers are really present in the firsts chapters to explain our girls' background. I'm glad you liked the prologue.
Thanks for feedbacking.

katjetson:Hello
Nope, not the same beta, there was some confusion here. My beta is vampkei.
And as you may have read it by now it is not close to me that way. Also the reading with gentle eyes is still ok lol
I am sorry to say your fears will be answered to. Sorry.
Thanks for feedbacking

jay/wt4evr: Hello my lap dog! Lol
Well, angsty and sadness you'll get. I promise! LOL
Don't worry about leaving good lines.Just to tell me you like it is wonderful.
Thanks. Hope you'll like the next one.


nothingtosay: Hello
Yes here it is mostly psychologic.

Well..; hmmm.... oddly? oops? 'cause it's supposed to not be odd to have tears here.hhihihi
Thanks for feedbacking. All your worries will be answered in time... Eventually

Lifty: Hey lifty
I would have find strange if you didn't liked that kind of story from your writings! LOL
I can tell you a spoiler: Willow and Tara are never going to meet again, They'll die alone and there will have no romance involved. Hihihi. You don't believe me? Weird... ^^
Thanks for feedbacking.

Vampkei: Hi there. Thanks my oh so dear beta
Now go back to work hihihihi

*hugs

Halo: Hello Pauling! Thanks for checking in.
Well... Huh... Sorry for killing ya? LOL.
I'm glad you liked it.
Thank you for feedbacking.
friendly

littlewicca: Hi
I am happy you love my story Aggie. Don't worry about the lateness. You take all the time you need. Well of course I love to have feedbacks but... héhéhé I know how it is sometimes.
Thanks again.
*hugs

Well my dear kittens, I'm going to post the next update and then to sleep.

_________________
Broken Dolls |The Stadium's Goddesses | Seeds Of Beauty

"Joie est mon caractère, C'est la faute à Voltaire; Misère est mon trousseau, C'est la faute à Rousseau." Gavroche. Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (chap. XV)

Here comes the chapter one

Title: Broken Dolls
Author: Juju DeRoussie
Rating: NC 17 over all. Not for good things at first I fear.
Disclaimers: I do not own any characters coming from the TV show Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I do not make money from this. I do however own all of the other characters.
Spoilers:None, this is totally uber.
Distribution: Please feel free to ask
Summary:This is the hard part for me. The lives of two pretty dolls, from childhood to the end of teenagehood and the beginning of adulthood. Life isn't always a gift. There are many demons. Not the metaphorical kind.
WARNING: This story will be about abuses. Mental as well as physical. If you are sensible, please do not read this. If you think you can't handle it I prefer for you to not read this. I am serious. I prefer for you to not read this than to read it and get upset. I know this subjects can be difficult, so dont ignore this warning! Thanks
Feedback: Please very much so. Anykind as long as it is said kindly. And please i you have any suggestion, tell me.
Thanks: To my princess who is a busy beta but I love it nonetheless, and thanks to these dear persons who encouraged me. And of course, thanks to June who told me to not be afraid of writing this.
NOTE: THIS FIC HAS BEEN SPONSORED BY KLEENEX! SO BE READY LOL. (of course not really 'cause I don't make anymoney!)


To my dear Vnoucka, Élo, and Her.

[center]Chapter I[/center]

[hr]



In a darkened bedroom, a young girl was sitting still on her bed. It was 6:47 am, and it seemed to Willow it had been like that for the last hour. She was nervous and excited at the same time. She had slept only 6 hours, but it had been enough. Today was her first day in Middle School. Today she was going to be a 6th grader. A 10 year old 6th grader. She could have gone last year though, but her mother never had time to meet her teachers, so nothing had been done.

Today though, was the big day. She was a big girl now. But the time wouldn't run normally. Strangely Willow noticed it was slower. She had awoken at 5:39 am, had tried to sleep a bit more. But it was no use. She was just too excited and nervous. So she had showered, dressed, and checked her bag for the billionth time. She couldn't eat.



She thought about going to watch a bit of TV, but she'd rather wait for her mother to wake up. Just to be sure not to wake her. It would make her grumpy, and this day was just too important for Willow to have to deal with a grumpy Sheila.



Only a year ago, her mother was still waking her up with a glass of Orange Juice at 7:00 am before going to work. But 3 months ago her mother got a new shift, and she started her day at 9 o'clock. So she preferred stayed in bed as long as possible. The more sleep she got, the less alcohol stayed in her blood. Or so she thought.



Willow sighed. She would have liked a special breakfast for this special day. But it was not meant to be. She got up and went to the kitchen to prepare her lunch and tried to eat something before leaving.



She glanced one last time at her clock alarm while grabbing her bag, 6:53 am.



She still had 20 minutes before she had to catch her bus. Hopefully preparing her lunch will take some time.



Ten minutes later Willow was once again ready to go. So she just sat there. Waiting. Her mind raced through different scenarios of this day. Will her age be a barrier? Will she make friends? Will she enjoy her classes? This last question was almost rhetorical. She loved to learn things. The summer had been a hell for her. Well almost all summer. She had gone to a summer camp for most of the time and she had managed to learn some stuff. But after camp she had been alone the whole day, with no books to read. She had read all the books in her home at least 3 times each. Except for the ones her mother kept in a locked cabinet. With videos. She had thought of trying to see what was in it, but she was a nice girl. Not a sneaky girl. As much as she was curious, she was also afraid. Afraid of what may be in there, and afraid of making Sheila Rosenberg angry. She already had to deal with a grumpy Sheila at night. That was more than enough.


Contemplating what her day would be like, Willow managed to make the time run a little more normally. She was 2 minutes early, but hell! Two minutes early would not be as suspect as 2 hours!

As silently as possible she exited her home and her building, to go to live the most important day of her life so far.



***



He hated to have to say things like that. To anybody, but especially to people like Rebecca Maclay. People that nice should never have to hear such things. They should live happily ever after. But it was of no use.


She was sitting across his desk, waiting patiently for him to speak. She has always been patient, even compassionate over the two last months of appointments.


She was patient and compassionate when she should have been the one to break down. But she had managed these appointments, her job, and raising her daughter. She was an Amazon.

"Mrs. Maclay, we just received the last results." He said softly, wishing his words could be taken in the wind and never come back, never ever come to Rebecca's ears.


"I know Doctor, and I suppose they tell what we knew they would, right?" Interrupted Rebecca.


"I fear so my dear. I asked the best doctors I know, unfortunately they, like me, have no clue as to what it is. I've done some research and found another case similar to yours. I'm afraid we can't really help you Mrs. Maclay. I am so sorry." Doctor Rastapopulos answered her. His voice was thick with guilt. He became A doctor to help people, and to fight diseases. But sometimes, no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't help his patients.


Rebecca nodded her head absently, taking in the news she dreaded hearing. For two months now she was running tests to try to understand what she has. Everything started with tiredness, and very pale skin. I am going to die. Of course everybody was going to die, but she wasn't ready to die! Oh my god! Tara! The thought of her baby girl made her break down.


"Tara..." Rebecca cried.


"Mrs. Maclay, I know this is very sudden and all, and maybe you need some time to digest this information, but there are things we need to talk about. Do you want to come back tomorrow? Or are you ok to continue?" He asked. He knew it was not something easy to hear, hell how can a "you're gonna die and we can do nothing about it" be taken lightly? But he had to talk to her, about her possibilities for her daughter, about how long they estimated she still had... About all these things you should never have to discuss, well, not before your eighties.


Rebecca knew he cared about her. Not in a romantic way of course, but he has always been very kind to her. But for once she wanted to snap at him. She needed to snap at someone. She needed to find someone to be responsible for that. Or to give her their life so she could stay with her daughter at least until she was a grown up. She took some deep breaths to calm herself. She needed to hear what else he had to say.

"Please Doctor, continue, what is it you have to say?" She asked, trying to smile but failing miserably.


Her gesture wasn't lost on the Doctor Rastapopulos though. It meant a lot to him. Once again she was kind and supportive.


"We've tried to estimate how much... how much time you still have. I fear it is only a few months. In a couple of weeks, maybe a month, you probably won't be able to work anymore. And then things may go fast. I know it is not easy to hear all of that. It is not easy to say them either. I am very grateful for your kindness and patience Rebecca." He had tears in the corner of his eyes.


She nodded. She couldn't talk. She couldn't do anything. She had thought she would at least have something like a year. I guess not. What was she going to do? She had nobody to take care of Tara.

In a strangled cry, she ask the most important question of her life.


"T-Tara?"


The doctor nodded, he had asked A social agent for some information. He knew she would ask. He knew her daughter was more important than anything.


"I have some information. There are a few possibilities. Is there someone who could take care of her and become her guardian?" She shook her head. She had nobody since her own parents died. And Tara's father.... he didn't want anything to do with her or Tara.


"Then, there is the possibility of Tara going in a shelter, and if she is lucky she'll have a foster family. I have heard that in our state there are numerous foster families and that children often have a normal childhood," she was now crying freely, "I know I know... I am sorry Rebecca."


Her body was shaking with the sobs... Her baby girl in a shelter... Her baby girl all by herself... That was worse than knowing she would never see her daughter become a woman, and never be able to witness the most important moments of her life. The knowledge that Tara would not have her mother to comfort her in the most horrible moments of her life was worse than the pain she felt from her illness. Like at her mother's death, Tara would be alone.


Rastapopulos gave her some brochure he had got from the social agent. He still had something to say, but didn't know if he could. He tried anyway.


"Rebecca... I thought about something, and I even took the liberty to ask the powers that be in the hospital. I thought, maybe you could spend these last weeks with your daughter, and then, well I know this will sound horrible but I thought maybe, you could come to the hospital then, and if you wanted, we could try to understand what you have, even try some treatments? The hospital would pay for everything, and you wouldn't have to worry about the money. You could even put everything in an account for your daughter's studies and come here with nothing else. I know it is a lot to take, but please think about it?"


She nodded. She couldn't talk.


They said their goodbyes after having planned another appointment.


Rebecca's head was throbbing, her heart was aching. She needed to go to work now, but tonight she would enjoy the beginning of the last moments she had with her daughter.



***



It was pure hell. Middle school was hell. The classes were nice, not as exciting as she thought it would be. There was a class which was wonderful. Computer Lab was her heaven. She never had the occasion to use a computer, but she couldn't wait to use them. However, Middle School was a living hell.


Her first week was not even over and she was already in the nerd category. Thanks to her clothes and her young age. She was only one year younger then most of the 6th grade students, but one year was too much. She tried to not listen to them, and managed most of the time. But there was still sometimes when it hurt.


But as much as Middle School was hell, it had much goodness too. Home didn't.


Tonight, like any other night of the week, Thursday to be precise, she came back to an empty home.


She had not really see her mother since Sunday night. You would have thought that her mother would have come back home early on Monday to hear about her daughter's first day in Middle School. No. She hadn't.

That hurt much more than comments about her wardrobe or about her being a baby. It hurt much more than anything else.


And tonight, she wished her mother could have been here. She needed her comfort. Today she had had her first gym class. And it had been horrible. Not the gym itself, there were a few clumsier people than herself, but the shower part had been hell. At this age one year was a lot of difference.


But of course her mother wasn't there. Her home was empty. As empty as the bottles on the floor near the sink in the kitchen. As empty as Willow's heart right now.


She went directly to her bedroom, and laid in her bed, face first. She clung tightly to her pillow. She cried. She cried for all the things she missed in her home, for all the emptiness besides school, and for the things people teased her about all day long at school. Turning her head so she would be able to breath, she saw her doll. She clutched it tightly, for dear life. Her Dolly Tara was her most precious thing.

Tara...


Suddenly she wondered how Tara was. She had such love in her home. She should feel jealous of her, but she wasn't. She was just happy for her little friend. It was so strange. They had known each other for one day. They hadn't seen each other or spoken since that day, and still. Every day she would take care of her doll, cuddle her at night. Whispering all her secrets to this doll. And wondering how Tara was doing.

Three years of time had erased a bit of Tara's face, but she remembered very well her pouty lips, and her bright blue eyes. Her blonde locks. And their promise. To not forget the other. To take care of Dolly Tara, and Tara to take care of Teddy Willow.


Her tears had stopped, but there was still sadness in her green eyes. She looked blankly at the wall, clutching her Dolly Tara, and fell asleep.



***



Rebecca was happy to be out of work. It had been one of the hardest days in a long time. She wanted only one thing: to go back home. Once she was home she would take a hot bath with some candles, and some bath oil. Lavender would be great for her. Then she would spend her evening with the most amazing child ever. Her daughter.


Her baby girl... She still hadn't decided on how to talk to her. How do you tell your daughter something like this? Instead of all these books about how to raise a child, they should write about how to announce your death. Rebecca thought bitterly. A book. That was a good idea now that she thought about it.


She started to imagine a story she would tell her baby girl at bedtime. Of course Tara was too old to have A story at bedtime, but sometimes she didn't mind her mother's quirks. Hopefully when Rebecca will have the story ready her daughter will be willing to hear it. Maybe if she told a story to Tara it would prepare her a bit. She wanted to ease as much pain as possible.


She made her way to her house still thinking about this story. Once there she took her very much needed hot bath. Tara would be home in less than half an hour.



***



Willow awoke with a start. She didn't want to fall asleep. She still had some homework to do. Well not real homework, she had done it at the library, but reading and stuff.


She got up and went to the bathroom to clean her teary face. In front of the mirror she couldn't help but stare at her profile. Nope, not the tiniest bump on my chest... She was still a baby, they were right. Oh and why was she so worried about that? Everything will come in time.


Willow made her way downstairs, turning on the TV, and then going to the kitchen. She made herself some dinner. She had learned last year how to cook from a book. She had wanted to try as soon as she had finished her book and her mother had helped her during the weekend. Maybe that was why her mother came back home later now. She knew Willow didn't need her to make dinner. Tonight though she didn't want to lose time to make herself dinner... She just wanted to have something in her belly. She decided on some mixture from a can. She wasn't sure what it was, but it tasted ok. And it was easy, open the can, put the food in a plate, put the plate in the microwave, and when it is ready, go eat it in front of the TV. A child could do it... Wait, I am a child.


Dinner alone was becoming an habit for Willow. She wasn't sure she minded. She knew her mother had to work hard, and it was normal that she had a bit of good time with her friends after work. As long as they spent their weekends together, Willow was ok. Or so she said.


The evening passed by, Willow had dinner and even a snack. She wanted to wait for her mother. To say hello at least. But it was past bedtime already, almost 10 'clock, and she needed to sleep.


She went to bed with heaviness on her chest, regretting not being able to see her mother today.


After having put on her pajamas, she turned her alarm on and cuddled under her blankets with her Doll. Goodnight Dolly Tara.



***



Rebecca exited Tara's bedroom. She hadn't been able to tell her the story yet. It wasn't ready. You can't come up with something in less than 24 hours. Maybe Tara had noticed how her mother was touchy with her. Rebecca couldn't help. A little kiss on the forehead, a little hug... She wanted to give as much as possible before the end.


Rebecca took her pills and went to bed, trying to relax a little before drifting to sleep.



***



Sheila Rosenberg was drunk. It didn't happen often. It took a lot to get her drunk. But tonight she was. There was a sort of improvised party for a friend's retirement. He had told nobody he retired, and came up this day with a surprise party for himself. And there were lots of drinks. Beers, wine, whisky, vodka... She had a little of everything. Well not a little... But who cared? She was happy. Maybe it was her drunken state, but she felt happy. Happier than she had felt in years and years. And she felt desired too. A man had flirted with her all night long. She had given in to his game. He wanted more, and so did she. She hadn't been touched by another person since her divorce. Before that it wasn't the most amazing experience.


She had warned him that she had a daughter, so they went to his own place. They played a lot this night, and when he asked to film her, she said yes. She was happy. She was desired and worth it to be on a video. She loved home made video. They were always more realistic than the others.


At the end of the night, she had been fucked enough to fill the emptiness she had felt for the last 13 years. He was willing to see her again, and gave her his number. It was up to her to call him or not. She was happy.


It was past 5 o'clock when she got home, and she went directly to bed, not willing to get rid of the sex scent on her. She drifted off to sleep almost immediately. [hr]

Thanks for reading

_________________
Broken Dolls |The Stadium's Goddesses | Seeds Of Beauty

"Joie est mon caractère, C'est la faute à Voltaire; Misère est mon trousseau, C'est la faute à Rousseau." Gavroche. Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (chap. XV)

Dibs!
Too tired...must sleep now. I'll leave some wonderful feedback tomorrow.

_________________
"There is never a pill strong enough to make me feel the way all your fingers could."

Hi baby!
I'm already working on the second chapter. It'll be done soon. Send me more! I need more. You've got me hooked. You have to at least have chapter 3 done so I can go through it!

Oh Man Julia,
You weren't kidding about the klenex were you?
Amazing peice of writing Juju.Really, it is.

Oh this just sucks. It's so very sad.Here is a woman who wants nothing more in her life then to love her little girl. I notice here that she never even has a second where this is a concern for herself.Here only thought is of her poor sweet Tara.What a sad irony is in play here.Looking at the two mothers, one who could care less and one who cares about nothing else.

I hate this.Is so blatantly sad.
So this is a real easy way to explain it in one sentence.If a living hell is has more goodness then her own home? AARRGG.. ..I don't like Sheils.Not one bit.Im calling for a school bus attack!!!!!
Yes, you would have.Again with the large yellow vehicle please!!!


Again a cruel irony. This is obviously about to change all to soon for all involved.


AGAIN I say ppffftt!! To Sheila.Poor Willow having to remind herself that she is a child.Its just heartbreaking.
And still in a little girls heart a mother can do no wrong. Just to be home when she got there , to ask even one simple question about her day, to allow this pool little thing to get the comfort she needed after such a painful experience. Ohhh ..Damn It!!

What a contrast.How very different these two little lives are. How very sad for Sheila.She's missing out on the most important thing she has.I certainly hope that she will realize this at some point, but I get the feeling it may never happen or at least not for a very long, long, time.
I love that she still has the doll.I love that Tara is giving her just even a small piece of happiness.I love that she still remembers her.
I hate that she is having to be envious of someone who's mother actually has time for her child.



Yep!! Sheila lives on the corner of Naughty and Naughtier in the Town of Naughtyville for sure now.Was it Tommy Lee at the party ? No?
Okay.
Anyway Juju, this is a fabulously written story .You have yet again brought me to tears.
I can't wait for more.
The Goddess is pleased.
Thank you for giving us this story Sweetie. I just love it.
Rosemary

Ugh Julia you left me all god you were damn right about kleenex weren't you
that's really a wonderful story and sadly it mirrors the reality
great job go Juju!!!!

_________________
|| Fanart...sort of || Short poetry || A little bit of smut never hurt anyone | Nothing left | Promise || Text ||

When I saw you I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew. -Arrigo Boito

JuJu... you've left me speechless and in tears. Someone pass the tissues!

No joke, no lie, but I was actually hooked to the story from the summary. Then when I read it, I honestly dont think there's a word for how touching this story is. It's beyond beautiful and filled with so many emotions that you cant help faling in love with it when you read it.

Rebecca... such a wonderful and caring mother, I hate the fact that she has to pass. In a couple of months no less. Shelia... well the words 'what a bitch' comes to mind but she's horrible mother who has problems. Major problems!!! The fact that she's neglecting he own daughter makes me sick to my stomach.



Okay... honestly, I kinda feel sorry for the woman. Of course that doesn't make me want to cut her some slack. She's neglecting her own daughter just so she can feel something inside?! The words 'what a bitch' comes to mind again. But hopefully she can get a grib and start paying attention to her home, in which she needs to come to trems and realize she has A BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER who needs her.

Well I have ranted lol and I cant wait till the next update JuJu.

BTW- This is completely of topic and I wont bring it up again... but I just read "La Poste, To Serve You" whoa.... nicely written! Although now I think my postwoman's all weirded out at me. Everytime she makes a delivery at my house, I cant get my mind off of your story, so I get all glossy eyed and try, very hard, to stop myself from saying something extermely naughty to her lol.

Tís all, for now...

Jásenda

_________________
{Carpe Diem}

OH MY GOODNESS JU. Maybe you're right about me hating you after I read this story giggle. Wow I'm in aww of how wonderfully written this is. Such power and emotion that pulls you right in from the beginning.


Wow just to feel Rebecca's pain.How will she ever begin to tell her Tara that she is dying. I need some Kleenexs' stat.



I know exactly how Willow feels, I'm sure all of us can remember those awkward middle school moments. I sure the hell didn't like them.

Well Ju keep up with tearjerker story. I know one thing for sure...you have me hooked.

_________________
"There is never a pill strong enough to make me feel the way all your fingers could."

thats because i have vitamin a deficiency= cant produce tears that often. (or so i delude myself in to thinking. )


why do i feel like this sex vid. is gonna do something to will's already wrecked state??


guess theres only enough a love a child could fill.

whoa....what an emotional ride..

what can i say but more, and hopefully soon.

_________________


i have a bad habit of bumping up old stories...
shameless self-promotion

Well Juju,

actually I wanted to mad with you, for not telling that you’ve written a new story.
However having read the prologue and the first chapter I’m no longer mad at you – but then I never can.

Now to “Broken Dolls”.


That much is certain for many people, and will be true for both Willow and Tara though for Tara it hasn’t just begun yet.

Despite the angsty theme I’m really looking forward to the next chapters.
Keep up to good works.

Although I’m trusting you to let our both heroines find a happy ending in the… well … end.

Dax

_________________
Today my friend, your diary entry will read: Took a […] hostage and got shoot by three armed bastards.”
Gene Hunt – Ashes to Ashes
“A Love Beyond the Stars”
“What Dreams may Come”

Hi Ju,

Thank you for writing

Reading stories that choose to picture Willow and Tara in their childhood always has some mysterious poignancy with it. I enjoyed the settlement of your unfolding paragraphs whereby two apparently identical worlds are described when in fact there is no simultaneous continuity...thereby creating separate identities. I thought that was really well thought out. And how did you decide to make Tara the younger of the two?

As for the title, I think it's fitting; Kinda reminds me of the reverse side of metaphorical fragility whereby you grasp the true beauty and importance of things only when they become elusive. I am unsure if you were thinking of that concept when you stated that you do intend to break the dolls but in any case, whatever you've chosen to depict ought to be meaningful.

Onto Chapter One...that was quite an unexpected twist...

You portray reality stoically and interestingly enough, it is specifically that, that creates tear-jerking situations. I think it's the first time I have come across a story that decides to dwell extensively on the psychological impact that these two girls' families might have had on them - definitely original and I'm willing to see where we'll be sailing after these initial chapters.

Good luck with your baby,
Vidushi

Hello Dear Kittens

Thank you so much for your lovely feedbacks. And or reading!
It seems everybody needed Kleenex... So here comes a Ratatouille box of tissues. ^^

Now my replies to your lovely feedbacks.


Woahnellie: Congrats on the dibs sweetie.

Sorry but you mispelled it. It is written : "oh my GODDESS Ju".
See? Better that way! lol

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo! pleeeeeeaaaaase? Lol.
At the end they'll be happy! And.. and.. and I'll bake cookies to ease my guilt! Like willow! ^^

Thanks boonie

Keep reading and you'll know it hihihi. Ok so it wasn't what you were saying but shhhh

Aww poor boonie *hugs

Hmmm.. thanks?
Thank you very much boonie

Vampkei:Hi honey
More you wanted, more you got! lol
Now go back to the kitchen, Im hungry. And hurry! I'm waiting! You're late!


hondos:
Huh... .. I fear you're mistaken Lady... Am not a man! hihihihi

Why did you think I was kidding about the tissues? lol
Plus I don't use them, I use other trademarks ^^ Lotus.

Thanks

It is isn't it? The writer is such a bitch... but to quote Great Joss Whedon "It is necessary to the plot". So.. Sorry? lol

LOL!! Not sure it would help though. She still is Willow's mommy

Yes it is... So very much so. But is she really still a child if she is counscious of that?

A promise is a promise. You don't break a promise except in extrem circumtances.

Yay for me? Lol
Thanks sweet Rosemary

Jay/wt4evr: Jay!! Don't cry! Ok.. Cry, 'cause it makes me happy that y'all cry. I mean, that was the point. Lol


Told ya.. Am always right!
Thanks. I hope you'll still like it later though;

MsKittyB: /me passes her nice Ratatouille box of Tissues.
Here
Speechless huh? Then I'm lucky you type and not talk!!

Wow... I have so much trouble with them that it surprises me! But I'm glad! Lol.

Thanks Here that Baby fic? You're loved

Yeah, Rebecca is so wonderful... So of course she is the one of the both who has to die. I know... How cliché it is.. But it's the plot. It wouldn't work if it was Sheila who died. Or I would have to call my fic Broken Doll.. singular... wouldn't work as well. Well it could.. but.. aaaarrrgg you get my point. Lol
Sorry?

Yes she has. I wonder where they come from.But in any cases, poor Willow.

It has been apreciated!

Hihihi! Did she deliver naughty things? Seven speeds stuff? lol
Oh and you have a beautiful name
Thanks for reading

Nothingtosay:
Really? Well... no Kleenex for you then.. But here! There is a menthol tissue (Lotus rocks!), it smells nice. That way you're not tissueless

Who knows? Not me!

Well, Sheila doesn't see it unfortunately :(
Thanks for your comment. More emotionnal ride all along.

Dax: My dear Little Bread!
I'm so sorry! You've disappeared from MSN lately! I've had told you I was working on several fics... This is the main one.
I'm so glad you can't stay mad at me. 'Cause a mad Dax makes juju sad.
*hugs

Awww *hugs you don't have to. Thanks so much. I hope this fic won't upset you in any way.. becase it's long and ansgty.

Of course, what a bad Kitten Iwould be if I put them only through pain.. I love them happy (and together!).
Thanks so much for reading

nimloth: Hi

Thank you for reading

That a question I have thought over and over. Their age I mean. At first I thought of the same age... but I wanted a difference. And... I don't know how to explain without giving to much away. Lol.
But it is something important. Not the most important, but it is. But it wasn't just done without a thought for sure.
I hope that while reading you'll understand why Willow. But it will not be before long.
For the title... well the it came kinda naturally to me. and I'm grateful because usually it is a blank point for me. As you know it is a book. I have been inspired by people I have met, movies I have seen, and books I have read. The analogy between innocent girls and dolls didn't want to go away. Especially pretty porcelain dolls. So fragile. And, well add to that the fact that "Broken Dolls" sounds good to my ears.

Well, the environment does the personnality. The environment in which you grow up, as well as the one you live in. The personnality is never done. Always changing. But the childhood is the most important environment for it.
It like the sex and the gender. To quote Simone De Beauvoir " we aren't born woman, we become woman". It's the environment. And it is true for all aspect of who we are beside the genetics. Genetics are an expression, enviroment makes the identity.
I think I went a bit out of it. Lol.
But in this fic, it is the story itself. It's definitely very important.
Thanks so much for your feedback And for your good wishes

The next chapter should be up this weekend.

_________________
Broken Dolls |The Stadium's Goddesses | Seeds Of Beauty

"Joie est mon caractère, C'est la faute à Voltaire; Misère est mon trousseau, C'est la faute à Rousseau." Gavroche. Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (chap. XV)

That was Very naughty Juju....

Making me think you updated...
I shall scold and punish you later for this....

that was great thanx for sharing

*rushes into the thread*
*JuJu updated?! *
*Back up. False alarm *

Ahh, yes. Broken Dolls is loved by kittens

hehe Nope, but you have just gave me an idea

Thank you.

Update anytime soon? Pretty pleeze!! Next time bring the Ratatouille box of tissues again, because I know I'm going to need them among other kittens.

_________________
{Carpe Diem}

Hello Kittens! Some replies, and then we will have the second chapter for you all to cry!

hondos & MsKittyB: That's what happens when you don't check the title for changes or the update thread. Ok so some authors don't post there, but now you'll know that I do

brs1255 Hello, welcome. Thank you



Alright Kittens, here is the box of tissues, help yourself!



Title: Broken Dolls
Author: Juju DeRoussie
Rating: NC 17 over all. Not for good things at first I fear.
Disclaimers: I do not own any characters coming from the TV show Buffy The Vampire Slayer. I do not make money from this. I do however own all of the other characters.
Spoilers:None, this is totally uber.
Distribution: Please feel free to ask
Summary:This is the hard part for me. The lives of two pretty dolls, from childhood to the end of teenagehood and the beginning of adulthood. Life isn't always a gift. There are many demons. Not the metaphorical kind.
WARNING: This story will be about abuses. Mental as well as physical. If you are sensible, please do not read this. If you think you can't handle it I prefer for you to not read this. I am serious. I prefer for you to not read this than to read it and get upset. I know this subjects can be difficult, so dont ignore this warning! Thanks
Feedback: Please very much so. Anykind as long as it is said kindly. And please i you have any suggestion, tell me.
Thanks: To my princess who is a busy beta but I love it nonetheless, and thanks to these dear persons who encouraged me. And of course, thanks to June who told me to not be afraid of writing this.
NOTE: THIS FIC HAS BEEN SPONSORED BY KLEENEX! SO BE READY LOL. (of course not really 'cause I don't make anymoney!)

To my dear Vnoucka, Élo, and Her.


[center]Chapter II[/center]

[hr]
Two weeks had passed since the deadly announcement she had received from the doctor Rastapopulos. She had still said nothing to her Tara. How could she? Instead she was trying to be even more loving and caring than she had been. It was hard because she has always been one of the most loving and caring persons over the world.

Although she had not talk to her baby girl yet, she had taken care of everything for when she would have to go. She had found a good place for Tara to stay in town, a place where kids could find foster family pretty well. She had seen a bank counselor and opened a bank account for Tara's majority and studies. She had put there almost all of her savings, and would put the rest of it when she would have to go to the hospital for her last stay.

Indeed, her stay would be "free". Everything paid by the hospital. She was one of the only 376 cases known of this disease. Through the whole world. She had accepted to be the subject for experiment to know this disease. Everything if she could help to heal this unnamed disease. Maybe thank to that another woman in the world, loving her daughter more than anything will be able to heal or at least to live with the disease. Thing she could not have at all.

The meds she was taking for almost 5 months now didn't really help. They were only hiding the symptoms. The reality of this stuck her once more. Nothing could be done to help her. Nothing to prevent her from leaving her daughter all alone.

She honestly didn't care about dying itself. But to leave her baby girl alone at age of 8? That was what hurt the most. She tried to not think too much about that. but easier said than done!

Rebecca still had no idea on how to say to her daughter that she was dying. The doctor had suggested to her that she just said to Tara that she was going to the hospital for some months but will be back later to take her back. But that was something Rebecca wouldn't do. To lie to her daughter and let her hope for something that could not be. No. She wouldn't lie to her light. Tara deserved the truth. As hurtful as this one was. She would tell her, tonight... or maybe just when she was going to put Tara in this awful place?

***

Willow sat at her desk. She had done all of her homework she had been given. All of it. She had at least three exemplary of each class notes. She had read all of the books talked about during classes. There wasn’t a lot in her grad. She had started to study the history program and mathematical program which were studied two grades higher.

And now she was bored. Willow Rosenberg sat bored at her desk, in her small bedroom. And hungry. It was past 9 o'clock after all.

Where's mom? Thought the young girl. She could make herself dinner and everything, but she would like to se her mom. She had not seen her for two days now. And they did live in the same place. They did have been there at the same time. Sleeping. But her mother had gotten home pretty late lately. And she was exhausted from classes. Or more exactly, emotionally exhausted from the bitches' teasing about her clothes, lack of boobies, and her young age.

Willow decided to grab something to eat and to wait for her mom in the couch tonight. She would see her. Even if she had to spend the night in the couch.

She took her Dolly Tara and her alarm clock (better safe than sorry!), and made her way to the living room. She put everything down and went to the kitchen to make herself something that would feed her a bit, and went back to the living room. Comfortably sat in the couch, the food balanced on her knees, she turned the TV on and ate silently watching some unknown TV show.

"See Dolly that's something I don't understand, in those show it is always the same scheme, and somehow the cops notice that only by the end? That’s unrealistic if you ask me. Of course you don't ask me 'cause you're just a doll... A pretty doll of course, but still... A not living toy. What do you say we watch the discovery channel? Ok, here comes the discovery channel!"

Willow put her dishes away on the coffee table and hugged tightly the doll against her chest, watching without interest the TV. The doll always comforted her. How was that possible? She didn't know. She didn't care. Maybe it was because it was Tara's doll, maybe because she had a huge imagination and a strong will. Maybe all the above. But at least the doll was always with her. Well almost. She couldn't take her at school. But outside school Dolly Tara was always with her. Sitting not far away from her or directly in her lap. Maybe the older girls were right. Maybe she was a baby. But if keeping her promise and comforting her heart made her a baby, she was glad to be one.

Seeing the time passing by, Willow laid down in the couch, a heavy blanket around her and Dolly in her arms. She still wanted to wait for her mother. She would. She would fight the sleepiness. She would...

After a last yawn she decided to close her eyes just a minute.

***

Sheila was in a good mood lately. Her friend helped her a lot. Be well fucked and everything made things right.

There were some dark points though. She spent so much time with this that she had trouble to see her daughter. But Willow was a big girl. She was mature and responsible. She was able to take care of herself easily. God knew she was a better housekeeper than herself! Indeed, she had not needed to clean the floor, clean the dishes, cook, or even do the laundry in months. She hadn't needed but had done some. Especially the laundry. She had some... clothes... she didn't want her baby girl to see.

She missed her daughter sometimes. Those moments were kind of frightening. They lived together and yet managed to not see each other for days. She promised herself to take a weekend to spend entirely with her daughter. To know how she was doing in school, and everything. She was almost a teenage now. How fast did the time go.

Anyway, tonight she would have fun once again.

"Hey sexy!" Said her companion.

"Hey yourself... Thanks for the drink."

"The last of the night I fear... They're closing. Ok actually they have closed half an hour ago... But now Dick would like to go home so, he asked me to go after this last one. 'S ok with you Sheila?"

Sheila just smiled to her friend. He always was caring, but at the same time not. He wasn't her boyfriend for example. Not even a good friend. An Orgasm Friend as would say the new girl at work. Such a strange girl.

"Well actually that's good because I need some rest... I thought I could come to your place to... "rest" a bit before heading back home? Well that is if you are ok with this." Said Sheila, her tone sexy yet shy.

"I thought maybe we could go back to your place instead. What do you think? I promise I'll be quiet. It's just my roommate is back and I don't want him to whine for some... of you." Answered her friend, a small smile in the corner of his mouth.

That was unexpected. She really wanted to say yes, but at the same time was worried. It was silly to be worried about Willow. She was a big girl, surely knew about this stuff, and plus she would be in bed at this hour. What time was it? Eleven-ish... She would be sound asleep for sure.

"Ok... If you promise to be quiet."

"I'll be quiet, don't worry." Promised her friend.

***

Tara laid away in her bed. Her mother had told her a very sad story tonight. How was she supposed to sleep after a story like this? And after seeing her Mamma crying?

She cried quietly in her bed, her chest hurting. Her heart had recognized the story for what it was, but her head refused to believe it. She knew her Mamma was sick, and that the doctors didn't know what the disease was. But she wouldn't be like the little Adam. She couldn't loose her mother. She would never loose her Mamma, only when she'll be very very old. Like... 40! Her Mamma wasn't even very old yet. She was only 31. Nobody could die at this age. She would know if it was the case.

But what if her mother ever died? What would happen next? Where her Mamma would go? Would she still be able to live without her?

Just in case she decided to go to sleep in her Mamma's bed... To be close to her... It couldn't hurt. Plus her Mamma would make her feel better.

She got up and walked slowly in the darkness of the flat, toward her mother's bedroom. There was light.

Tara knocked lightly on the door twice and waited for her mother to tell her to come in, then entered.

"Mamma?"

"Hey baby girl, what is it?" Asked her mother, smiling, then frowning when she saw the dried tears and the red eyes her daughter wore on her pretty face.

"Can you hold me tonight Mamma?" Asked Tara, her voice trembling, the end falling miserably. "The story made me all sad."

"I am sorry baby girl. Come here." As she was held by her Mamma, Tara was brought to the bed where she sat down and then buried herself into the cover. Her mother soothing her by sweet words of love. No her Mamma could not die. She would not. A Mamma can't die. Only in stories. Or if you are a princess, but then it is when you are a baby. Not when you are a big girl.

She was safe in her mother's arms. She could fall asleep and be happy. And that's exactly what she did.

***

Unseen by Tara, tears were falling freely from Rebecca's blue eyes. They soaked by their despair the blonde hair of the little girl and the pillow beneath her. She had done it. She knew the story had upset her daughter, but she could not erase the pain, and she definitely could not promise to her baby girl "I will not die".

She would never lie to her.

She would finish her entry in her journal tomorrow. For now she needed to comfort her baby and to take comfort in the love coming from Tara in waves.

"I love you Baby Tara, Mamma loves you my angel".

She hoped that she would be able to watch over her girl from wherever she was going to be after.

***

A bang woke her up. Something was banging against her flat's door. From the sound of it, it must be something big.

Willow Rosenberg had never believed in monsters... But where could come from this noise but a monster?

Burying herself more into the blanket, and holding tightly on Dolly, Willow listened intently the noises.

She would make out a key entering the key hole. Was that her mother? Could she make so much noise?

Suddenly, Willow didn't want that much to see her mother. Not if she was drunk enough to make that much noise. But as she was getting up to run in her bedroom, she heard the door open, and had no time to go in her room. Just time enough to go back in the blanket and try to fake sleep.

***

She could feel his hardness against the small of her back. She tried very hard to open this fucking door but couldn't concentrate. She had never noticed that to open a door you needed concentration. But here it was. She needed it and had trouble to find it. She turned herself to kiss her friend, and he thrusted against her belly. She was in fire. She wanted nothing more than him taking her right now against this door in this corridor. But she couldn't. Somehow she managed to get the door open, and they both came in.... To find herself in a sandwich between the door and this fabulous manly body.

He played and massaged her breasts while kissing her neck and jaw line. He was hard but wouldn't forget his companion.

Sheila let her moans escaping freely, trying only to mute them a bit, but not to suppress them.

In her passion she never noticed the TV still on in the living room. She could only notice his hard cock sliding inside herself, his hands on her breasts and hips, his mouth everywhere at once.

Her moans had escalated into screams, but she didn't notice either.

***

She regretted painfully to have stayed in the living room. She wished to never hear all those words and moans coming from her mother's mouth. And definitely didn't want to know what was happening for her mother to make so much noise.

Not understanding everything of what was happening, and feeling ashamed without knowing why, Willow cried silently, in the haven made by the heavy blanket. And tried to stop the noises from entering her nest.

***

After making sure her daughter was well asleep, Rebecca went back to her desk to write some more in her journal. Where she could say everything to Tara. Indeed, it was supposed to be given to Tara when she would reach 18, with her legacy.

Noticing her baby girl had come to her bedroom with empty hands, she went to Tara’s bedroom to take her teddy bear. Making a silent wish for her daughter to see again some day the redhead, Rebecca went back to her bedroom and put the toy in Tara's arms, who took it and hugged it tightly against her chest in her sleep.

Rebecca turned all the lights off and cuddled against her daughter in her bed, enjoying one of her last moments with her princess.

***

That had been... intense. And good. Time to go into the bedroom now. A bed would be nice. But this wasn't over. Or maybe it was.

Indeed, as Sheila entered further into the flat, she noticed the lump in the couch. She could make out some strands of red hair escaping there and there from the blanket in which she supposed her daughter was. And even if it was motionless, she doubted her daughter was asleep. Well she could be. Sometimes Willow would sleep through an explosion. She took this after her father for sure. But there it was way too much motionless. And buried like that in the blanket, it could only mean that she was awake and afraid or upset.

Shit shit shit. She didn't know how to react. Should she act as if she believed Willow was asleep? Should she take her to bed? What was she supposed to do?

"Why did you stop, show me this bedroom of yours... I'm sure it needs us to fill it with the scent of passion and cum..." Said her friend, already getting hard once again. Sometimes she wondered if he didn't take some drugs or something. She had never known a man being able to be hard that long, and that so many times. Well she had not known so many men either.

"Harry... stop this please... Come on, let's go, but be quiet". Whispered back Sheila. She thought that letting Willow believe that her shield had protected her as planned would be good for her. She didn't know for sure but she guessed. Plus what was she going to say? And what about Harry? But her mood was kind of spoiled for sure.[hr]

This is a non betaed version, I will receive the betaed version tomorrow ad correct what I have to correct, I didn't want to delay the update. So please, forgive me for eventual mistakes.
Thank you for reading

Julia

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Broken Dolls |The Stadium's Goddesses | Seeds Of Beauty

"Joie est mon caractère, C'est la faute à Voltaire; Misère est mon trousseau, C'est la faute à Rousseau." Gavroche. Victor Hugo, Les Misérables (chap. XV)

Dibs

What a sad update. I feel so sorry for Willow. She's had to grow up so fast.


It seems like Willow is more like the adult. And Sheila is acting so childish.


I wish Willow was asleep. She's way too young to have to deal with this.


Oh how I wish this was true.



Can I have a tissue please?
Fantastic update but sad. But hey you warned me so I have no reason to complain. Thanks Ju.

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"There is never a pill strong enough to make me feel the way all your fingers could."