The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 5:32 am 
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4. Extra Flamey
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Wow. More than a month passed without any discussion? Ouch.

All through this update, you did a great job of capturing the aloneness and separateness of Willow and Tara. But this bit really hit me:

Quote:
In theory space was vast, it was a concept that she comprehended. Now she understood it on a physical level, the tangible vast space. The distance between two points was emptiness. Empty space she herself couldn’t fill, though she tried to.


I hope Willow's witnessing of Tara's morning sickness doesn't push them further apart.

Looking forward to more as this story unfolds.

Michelle

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 7:03 am 
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3. Flaming O
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I love that this story isn't making things easy for either Willow or Tara. I don't envision some pat, dramatic moment of forgiveness and reconciliation anytime soon. I imagine this will be a long journey of understanding. Willow has to come to terms with the reality of becoming a parent; Tara has to deal with the possibility of parenting a child with someone for whom she has feelings she believes won't be reciprocated; Willow has to process Tara's admission of her sexual orientation and (I assume, since I'm hoping for gay goodness down the line) her own more-than-friendly feelings for Tara.

I've read some people's comments that Willow is a bit stalker-ish, and while there's a part of me that read her notes and about the food she leaves for Tara and wants to say, "she said back off - don't risk pushing her away completely!" there's a part of me that totally understands. I imagine I'd do the same if I feared losing someone I cared about. There's a part of me that also wishes Tara would at least let Willow talk to her about what's going on, but I also sympathize with her fear of rejection and can see why she wants to try to spare herself that.

This is a very well-written story. Willow and Tara are both sympathetic and flawed, which is realistic. There is no easy path to happiness, which makes the story unpredictable and a pleasure to read.


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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 11:52 am 
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8. Vixen
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:bow
I loved this update!

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She would make sure to stay just far enough away to avoid being a space invader, mixing into the crowd and background where Tara wouldn’t look for her.


:lol

This is an excellent fic and I can't wait to see what happens with these two.

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 12:21 pm 
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Great update! I can't help it - I feel really sorry for Willow! I know she made a huge mistake but she is trying to do right by Tara.

I can also see Tara's point of view - she's got to put herself and the baby first. At least she has let Willow back into her room which is a step in the right direction. Now they need to have a serious talk.

I can understand Willow feeling sick while listening to Tara throwing up - the truth has finally hit her. Tara IS pregnant and she IS the other parent. It would make me feel sick too!

More soon please. :bounce

Caz

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 3:06 pm 
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10. Troll Hammer
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Another great update. There was one thing that made me go "huh?" a little though.... and that's that Willow still didn't quite believe Tara was truly pregnant. What part of "I'm nine tests pregnant" did Willow not comprehend? I mean, I get denial and all, but sheesh ;)

Can't WAIT for the next part!!!

Cheers
DW

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 4:21 pm 
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3. Flaming O
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I really love the update like always.
I'm wondering how the last part when tara is sick and Willow coming to term with the fact that Tara is really pregnant is going to influence the story.
Please update soon i can't wait to read more.

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 8:17 pm 
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Oh goodie! An update! If I were Willow I would have given all the notes and food too, just to show I was still there waiting to talk. But she'd better get it into her head that Tara's really pregnant or all chances are gone. She has to have a smooth recovery from falling into the sink in shock. Poor Tara too, morning sickness is just no fun at all. And it doesn't help when you are trying to not let the world know either.

Quote:
OK, she’s saying ‘hi’ and now looks a little insane waving like that. My, she is trying awfully hard. Tara chuckled.

That's my favorite line. I LOL for real just picturing her waving like a freak! They are both very real characters, I love your writing style. I can't wait for the next update.

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 8:18 pm 
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5. Willowhand

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Okay, I'm a little late to this story, but I'm here now! Where to beging. This is totally different from any other Season 4 Willow/Tara story that I've seen. Kudos for that in and of itself. This is going to get really interesting for a few reasons. First, Willow has not realized completely how she feels about Tara- a recipe for a total Willow-babble meltdown and then sheer panic. Second, that Willow has not told the gang much about Tara, so when they finally do get to the point where they are going out, it should be interesting seeing how Willow will handle the situation. Third, not only does Willow have to come out to the gang, but she's also going to drop the bomb that she got Tara pregnant with a spell. Wow, what a tangled web this shall be. Not mentioning the usual, garden variety Sunnydale disasters and the occasional apocalypse. Great job. I look forward to reading more.


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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Wed Feb 01, 2006 8:23 pm 
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That was a wonderful update! I'm really glad that our girls are talking again, even if it is only one small step at a time. I really hope that Will reacts better to the news that Tara is keeping the baby than she did to the news of the pregnancy in the first place. I don't know how much more seperation I can stand.


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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Thu Feb 02, 2006 6:54 am 
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Bravo to Willow for sticking this out throughout the note posting stage, because Tara? Is totally dragging her feet. If I were Willow, I'd be kinda annoyed at Tara by now. It's been, what, a few weeks? I know she said she needed time, but they're working toward a deadline here. They only have a nine month window.

I'm relieved that Tara is finally making an effort. The small convos through the crack in the door, then progressing to open door, then more ... so sweet. The dizziness of the continually changing pov ... that's intentional, no? To show how confused and isolated they both are. If not, that's how I feel when I'm reading through. It's sad, and frustrating, but there's hope.
Please let them talk soon.
[br]

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Thu Feb 02, 2006 8:32 am 
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Yay! for update-y-ness :D

It's nice that Tara's starting to let Willow back in, although, their tentative unease is a little heartbreaking :aww

I enjoyed Willow's OTT waving, that was cute :lol as was...
Quote:
Hello fairy lights, how long has it been? Over a month now?
:)

Quote:
1, 2, 3… 10, 11, 12, turn, 13, 14, 15… 21, 22, 23, 24 turn, walk… 25, 26, 27… 34, 35, 36 turn, 37, 38, 39…. Willow counted them every time. Some students said ‘hi’ and she mouthed a ‘hi’ back; some whispered to each other and she ignored them. All that mattered were the 48 steps that landed her on Tara’s floor. … 46, 47, 48. She automatically turned right and walked down the hall towards Tara’s room. Dorms hallways always look the same, they never change?
I did like that part, it was nice & simple, but so very sweet. :x

Poor Tara, all sick-y & tired :aww
Now, I do hope that Willow doesn't freak out again now that it's fully hit her that Tara really is pregnant. She's not gonna freak out again right?

Well, I'm looking forward to more update-y goodness soon. :)

Hugs
Jeanne

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Thu Feb 02, 2006 1:59 pm 
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I liked the notes that Willow left for Tara.

You portrayed the isolation that both characters were feeling very well. Showing how they want to reach out to the other, but are afraid to. Willow because she's afraid she'll push Tara away and Tara because she's afraid that Willow will reject her and her child again.

Though even with all the angst you're able to lighten it up a bit with some humour, such as Willow's insane waving.

They seem to have hit a bit of a bump at the end, with Tara's sickness. I'm looking forward to seeing how they deal with that.

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Thu Feb 02, 2006 3:40 pm 
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Hey! Omg! this update was super once again! Oh jeez i wonder how willows gunna react when tara tells her shes pregnant make it be angsty i like angst :) makes the story that much better for me anyways.. but please update soon cuz until the update comes ill be dyin!! Update soon!
Erin

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:52 pm 
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Well, I think Willow is definitely getting there. Slowly. You like to torture us hm?
Thanks for letting them (not) talk this update. The insane waving was just too cute and very Willow-y :-D
Cant wait for the next installment :x
ETA: It's been a month and Buffy / Xander just let it be? Bad friends!

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Thu Feb 02, 2006 7:25 pm 
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this story is fabulous!!!!! i absolutely love it
ur writing is so original, i've never read a story like thiis
i hope u keep with it; update soon!!!(preferably with :wtkiss )

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 8:18 am 
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I can believe it that Willow was still having some doubts in the back of her mind that Tara was pregnant. Since Willow has been alone through most of this and hasn't been with Tara on a day-to-day basis, the mind will go where it will and will conjure up all sorts of thoughts and theories. Only the reality of contact (and watching someone barf their guts out) can help drive the point home.

I was worried that Willow was going to bring it up with Tara, though, like "Are you sure you're pregnant?" and start a fight all over again. I'm glad Tara had to toss her cookies before that happened.

Anyway, it seems sort of like a dam has burst (sorry for the visual, heh) and the ice is broken and other cliches - hopefully they get to talk now. And you are doing such a GREAT job writing this, I wanted to make sure I said that too. I'm enraptured.

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 11:43 am 
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Sally wrote:
Quote:
I'm glad Tara had to toss her cookies before that happened.
And we'll go ahead and give her the award for the first time I've seen that in a piece of feedback.

But more about you...

The update is fantastic. You really got us with all the little note updates and then suddenly a very long, wide ranging one. I love the emotional breadth (sp?) here. You flashed back to explain the 1x a week food and conversations. I have to admit that Tara's whole trying to get Willow to agree to 1x a week but wanting her to argue more is a bit manipulative. Now, yes, I give allowance to her for the fact that she's pregnant, but it's not a very healthy approach. Anyway, then the visit with the Scoobies (4 donuts?). And then the dinner together. They are both so careful to avoid talking about anything important. Quite telling. And your depiction of Tara's smelling coffee and having to run for it... Well done. Having had a wife who had terrible terrible terrible morning sickness, I can predict that Tara will eventually give up her believ that she needs to get to the toilet. I mean there's a sink in her room right? Anyway, it's gross but realistic. Love that Willow finally realized that Tara's really pregnant. Great.

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Sat Feb 04, 2006 1:13 pm 
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I don't normally leave feedback for fics, but your story is well written and intrigued me enough to come out of the woodwork. I at least had to show my appreciation for you sharing it with us.

So, thank you.

Auburn xXx

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Sun Feb 05, 2006 4:20 am 
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Quote:
Morning sickness? Oh god, Tara’s really is pregnant.


it finally hit her didn't it? probably not only the fact that there is a growing baby inside tara, but that she needs to grow up and be the other responsible parent... poor willow! i hope this doesn't freak her out again... that's the last thing tara needs... and they're finally making a headway, too!

they seriously need to have that talk... and i seriously need to read an update soon :lol

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Wed Feb 08, 2006 3:48 pm 
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[center]Catching up a replies and ‘wow’ I didn’t realize I had so much to catch up on. Fear not, an update is on the way.

Again, thanks all for reading! My greatest appreciation to those leaving me feedback keeps me tapping away at my keyboard.[/center]

------------------------------------------------

mole -

Quote:
when I saw many of my favorite writers leaving feedback I chucked my reservations aside.


Well, I thank all my favorite writers here who have given me a real boost. I’m still a fledging comparatively.

Quote:
Good for Tara for realizing she needs time for herself. Too often she just goes along with what Willow wants, what Willow needs. It's good to see her paying attention to her own needs.


I always thought so too.

Also in regards to:

Quote:
More than a month passed without any discussion? Ouch.


Yes a month, big old "ouchie". But here’s a quick breakdown: Tara revealed she was pregnant, Willow wigged and they didn’t speak for a week or so. Then Willow pleads at Tara’s door, which ends with Tara saying she needs space. Willow does grovel-delivery duty for about a week before Tara asks her to stop. So really Tara's had about two weeks to really think about things without too much Willow interference.

------------------------------------------------

Useful_Oxymoron -

First you: I soooo want to read your story! It looks fantastic. But alas, my poor brain can only handle so much, reading & writing simultaneously. I’ve said it to a few others, but it’s too difficult. I’m afraid I’ll inadvertently swipe a few lines or loose my own storyline.

Having said that, I appreciate that you are reading mine.

Quote:
less heartbreak


Eventually….

------------------------------------------------

StarCat -

Howdy & thanks for coming aboard. Yes, have a seat & enjoy the angst.

------------------------------------------------

kisstheviolets -

Quote:
tara needs to get a backbone and lay the smackdown.


I love your feedback, always so full of verve!

Quote:
i hope you realize you've created quite the ugly mess between those girls that won't be easily fixed with decaf mochas and smoochies.


I absolutely realize this and you are very right, there’s no easy fix. It’s a complicated mess that’s gonna take some time.

------------------------------------------------

Katez0r -

I’m glad you’re enjoying my little story.

You’re “Tara weakness” is shared by many. But you’re Willow-ish gal-pal had me snickering.

Quote:
like SPACE, sweetie. It means you leave me alone for awhile! But it is still kind of endearing.


You’ve got Tara’s frame of mind. Vicarious smoochies huh?

------------------------------------------------

writerfreak -

Quote:
i feel so weird for both of them, sad.


Both girls are in a tentative place with each other and their circumstance. I hope I’ve really captured that, so it’s not surprising for you to feel weird for both of them.

------------------------------------------------

Grayson -

Welcome! And thanks for your insightful feedback.

Quote:
Willow and Tara are both sympathetic and flawed, which is realistic.


I know it’s very easy for everyone one to be on Tara’s side, which is COMPLETELY understandable. But it’s true both of these (essentially teens) young adults have it rough and are imperfect. Your feedback encapsulates the general sense of my story. I would also like to add that your gracious comments are so very kind.

Quote:
I'm hoping for gay goodness down the line


There will be or the mods will kick this story off the board & my beta will kick my @ss! Not to mention growling kittens.

------------------------------------------------

dorksrcool -

Back for more I see… well I’m glad you enjoyed the update and found something a little funny amongst the angst.

----------------------------------------------

caz –

Quote:
I can't help it - I feel really sorry for Willow! I know she made a huge mistake but she is trying to do right by Tara.


Like I said to writerfreak it’s ok to feel bad for Willow as well as Tara. See Grayson’s comments as well, who has really neatly summed up the precarious tension between the girls.

Quote:
the truth has finally hit her


Yes it finally has.

----------------------------------------------

Irene73 –

Hóla Mi amiga!

Quote:
Willow's notes were a valiant effort in keeping the lines of communication open


I agree with you, Willow totally screwed up, but she’s trying.

Quote:
Willow still had doubts that Tara was pregnant?


Yes, unfortunately, but you get that. See my reply to SallyMcFine’s feedback for more.

Quote:
sympathy pains and symptoms


You’re perceptive.

Quote:
You had to conjure up memories I've tried to suppress for many years, didn't you?

You've described Tara's pregnancy symptoms accurately


That’s thanks to you and my pregnant friends whom I’ve had to unfortunately be ‘hair-holder’ for on occasion. Well, it’s an experience I won’t soon forget either.


----------------------------------------------

DarkWiccan -

My quick-witted and cheeky friend!

Quote:
Willow still didn't quite believe Tara was truly pregnant.


Winks aside, check my comments to SallyMcFine’s feedback.

----------------------------------------------

will –

Glad you enjoyed the update and the answer to your “wondering” will be coming soon.

----------------------------------------------

Guppy –

Quote:
She has to have a smooth recovery from falling into the sink in shock.


Many enquiring minds want to know!

Quote:
I LOL for real just picturing her waving like a freak!


And I laughed when I read you’re comment! Just as much as I did when I wrote that little scene & drew the stick figure waving Willow in the note.

----------------------------------------------

Willow~Rosenberg –

Quote:
Okay, I'm a little late to this story, but I'm here now! This is totally different from any other Season 4 Willow/Tara story that I've seen.


Hey better late than never, I’m just glad people are reading this. Honestly, I didn’t think it was that original when I started writing this, but I guess it is. And you’re right there are a lot of things that need to be resolved and addressed.

----------------------------------------------


Miss Kitty Fantastico –

Quote:
I'm really glad that our girls are talking again, even if it is only one small step at a time.
I don't know how much more separation I can stand.


Well it’s small steps, but have heart.

----------------------------------------------

Watson –

Greetings & salutations!

Quote:
Bravo to Willow for sticking this out throughout the note posting stage, because Tara? Is totally dragging her feet. If I were Willow, I'd be kinda annoyed at Tara by now.


Neither girl is perfect and they are working through this unexpected and complicated situation. “Confused and isolated” definitely, each in their own way.

Quote:
It's sad, and frustrating, but there's hope.


Yes, there is always hope.

----------------------------------------------

kindagay –

Thanks for the kind words.

Quote:
Now, I do hope that Willow doesn't freak out again now that it's fully hit her that Tara really is pregnant. She's not gonna freak out again right?


Stay tuned!


----------------------------------------------


Justin -

Hey there.

Quote:
You portrayed the isolation that both characters were feeling very well.


Thanks, I really tried. That’s always tough, that feeling of once really knowing someone, then hitting an awkward stage with them. Knowing what you want to do, but just can’t… for so many reasons.

Quote:
even with all the angst you're able to lighten it up a bit with some humour


I think that was one of the best things about the series was that they could inter-splice angst with a bit of humor.

BTW, forgive my faux-pas, what’s going with “ToD, ToL”? Actually on second thought, don’t post anything new, I can barely read the few fics I’ve ventured into and keep up on my own.


----------------------------------------------


AlysonGoddess –

Quote:
make it be angsty


You’re an angst-junkie huh?

Quote:
until the update comes ill be dyin!!


Don’t die yet there will be an update.

---------------------------------------------

WillowRulez -

Quote:
Well, I think Willow is definitely getting there. Slowly. You like to torture us hm?


She is getting there… and yes, so am I. Well, I hope it’s a divine torture of sorts.

---------------------------------------------

CrazyTaraWitch –

Heck, you make me blush. But I don’t fee so original.

----------------------------------------------

SallyMcFine –


Sally, Sally bo-Bally! I dunno, feeling wackier the more feedback I reply to.

Quote:
I can believe it that Willow was still having some doubts in the back of her mind that Tara was pregnant. Since Willow has been alone through most of this and hasn't been with Tara on a day-to-day basis, the mind will go where it will and will conjure up all sorts of thoughts and theories. Only the reality of contact (and watching someone barf their guts out) can help drive the point home.


Yes, I obviously agree. Willow didn’t actually see the pregnancy tests, plus the separation and not talking about it. On top of that, the whole immaculate spell conception sans ‘anything’ happening between them, as you pointed out earlier.

Quote:
biology being surmounted….


Anyway, the mind can convince you of anything, I think that's very true. Like, Mr. GWB (I refuse to call him president) doesn't believe in the "greenhouse effect" despite the all the studies, scientific research and data. D-E-N-I-A-L.

Quote:
I'm glad Tara had to toss her cookies before that happened.


See my reply to JustSkipIt’s comment!

Quote:
I'm enraptured.


You're encouragement is sincerely appreciated, it really is. I mean, shucks.

----------------------------------------------

JustSkipIt –

Howdy!

Quote:
And we'll go ahead and give her the award for the first time I've seen that in a piece of feedback.


Yes, let’s give Sally a prize! That in combination with Sally’s quote had me in a little giggle fit.

Quote:
The update is fantastic. You really got us with all the little note updates and then suddenly a very long, wide ranging one. I love the emotional breadth (sp?) here.


Spelling, you got me. You’ve seen my graphic notes un-beta’d. I really wanted to capture their separation, isolation, and feelings. I guess I did ok.

Quote:
They are both so careful to avoid talking about anything important. Quite telling.


Yes, the girls are at an uneasy junction where it's really difficult to know where to begin to mend things.

Quote:
your depiction of Tara's smelling coffee and having to run for it... Well done. Having had a wife who had terrible terrible terrible morning sickness


You’ve obviously had more that just ‘hair-holder’ duty!

----------------------------------------------

Auburn –

Quote:
I don't normally leave feedback for fics, but your story is well written and intrigued me enough to come out of the woodwork.


I truly appreciate you speaking up. Again, it really helps motivate writers, of which I am still reluctant to call myself on. I blame it on the beast that’s temporarily taken over my body! But thank you so much for the kind words.

----------------------------------------------

tarebear –

Quote:
it finally hit her didn't it?


Yup, hard and literally in the gut.

Quote:
they seriously need to have that talk... and i seriously need to read an update soon



They have many things to work out and a serious update is in the making.

----------------------------------------------

Whew! You are all the best.

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Last edited by Tues on Fri Feb 10, 2006 1:21 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 10:23 am 
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10. Troll Hammer
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Ok... I don't know what it is... but I keep picturing Willow having her "gay-epiphany" and spontaneously serenading Tara with a warbled rendition of "having my baby, what a wonderful way to say how much you love me..."

I am insane... I know this.

Can't wait for the update.

Cheers
DW

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Thu Feb 09, 2006 12:52 pm 
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23. Volumey Text
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what’s going with “ToD, ToL”?


The next update was delayed by computer problems

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Actually on second thought, don’t post anything new, I can barely read the few fics I’ve ventured into and keep up on my own.


I'm afraid I'm going to have to disapoint you, since I'll be posting more in the next few days.

I know I'm just so mean :devil ;)

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 5:34 pm 
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3. Flaming O
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[center]24-36 hours counting down to the next update....[/center]

[center]Image[/center]

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“This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.” - Dorothy Parker
"Good sex is like good Bridge... If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." - Mae West


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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 5:36 pm 
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17. Mega-Witches
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Dibs! Cute note! But how did Willow leave Tara that night after she got so sick? Did she tuck her into bed and then slip out quietly? I'm assuming so...but you know what they say about assuming. You make an ass out of some guy named "ume."

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Fri Feb 10, 2006 5:42 pm 
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30. Sweaty and Kinda Gay
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I really am having a hard time finding anything good about this Willow ....geeze Tara's having a baby and all puky and stuff and Willow's wanting to know if she wants to hang out? come on! :lol coffee might make her puke! :smash :eyebrow sooooo not sensitive.

I love the notes I think they are incredibly darling! and they definitely help ease the pain caused by waiting for written updates to occur. The notes make me feel like I'm getting a little glimpse inside their complicated relationship. Wouldn't it be cute if Tara started writing Willow, too? :x

looking forward to the next update!

xoxo
Emms

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Sat Feb 11, 2006 10:11 pm 
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[center]Image[/center]

[center]See Chapter One for disclaimers.[/center]

Chapter Five - Shaky

Tara turned towards Willow. “I-I mean, t-that's totally cool. It-it's good. It-it's better.”

Willow reached out to her, placing a hand gently on her leg to reassure her, then drew back. “Tara, it's not like I don't want my friends to know you. It's just... well, Buffy's like my best friend, and she's really special. And there's this whole bunch of us, and we sort of have this group thing that revolves around the slaying, and-and I, I really want you to meet them. But I kind of like having something that's just, you know, mine. And I, I usually don't use so many words to say stuff that little, but do you get that at all?”



=============================================================================


Willow swallowed down the sick feeling in the back of her throat and scrambled out of the sink. The faucet lodged in her spine helped to motivate her. It left her with a terrible pain in the middle of her back that sent sharp spasms shooting through her body. She blinked owlishly at the stall door then shook her head. Snap out of it Rosenberg! Tara’s vomiting because she is pregnant. And, big AND, you got her pregnant. Help her. “Tara?”

Tara sat back leaning sideways against the bathroom stall. She wiped her mouth with a hand once more, then pulled a length of toilet paper from the dispenser. After folding it up carefully she dabbed her forehead, then wiped her chin before throwing it into the toilet. She reached over and flushed. This isn’t how I pictured dinner going. “Willow, I’m ok. Coffee… the smell t-triggered my morning sickness.”

Ok that would be a ‘no’ to inviting her out for coffee. Willow stepped forward on wobbly legs. You said you wanted to help, so? “What can I do, do you need some help?”

“I could use some cold water.” Tara closed the toilet seat and she slowly stood up. Her legs felt rubbery; her stomach acidic, her entire head was flushed from the strain, and her throat raw. She sat down on the closed toilet and covered her face with both her hands. This is going all wrong. She couldn’t help herself; she went into a hormonal tailspin and started to cry.

“I’ll be right back.” Willow ran out of the bathroom, Tara’s sniffling echoing in her ears. Oh no, she’s crying. She quickly entered Tara’s room and picked up the water bottle. Then she went to the small dorm fridge and pulled out an ice tray. With a quick ‘snap’ she dislodged a handful of ice cubes. She grabbed a plastic tumbler and dropped the ice in then filled it with the water. Once the glass was full she started back towards the door, but turned back around quickly. Hand towel. Where? There. Seeing what she wanted, she rushed over to the desk to pull the towel off the chair. She reached over grabbed what she needed, then headed back to the bathroom. Before she entered she inhaled deeply and exhaled quickly, steadied herself, then walked in.

Tara pulled her hands away from her face when she heard Willow enter the bathroom. Ok, get it together Tara. She tore off another length of toilet paper and dried her eyes then blew her nose.

“Tara. I brought you some ice water and a towel.” Willow stood near the bathroom stall door, shifting from foot to foot anxiously.

“OK.” Tara moved to the edge of the toilet seat then stood up wearily. She let go a long breath, then pulled open the stall door.

“Here.” Willow smiled just a little while her brow remained furrowed. She held out the water and towel, taking in Tara’s shaken state. Her face was pale, wisps of hair stuck to her face or were arranged in odd angles, and she was trembling. Oh, Tara… this isn’t good. Pregnant doesn’t look like a whole lot of fun. She wanted to wrap her arms around her and tell her it was ok, but couldn’t.

Tara reached for the water with two quivering hands.

This is all your fault Rosenberg. Willow threw the towel over her shoulder. Then without a second thought she reached out, wrapping both hands around Tara’s to help keep her steady.

Tara shook some more when she felt Willow’s hands around hers. It was a little startling; Willow seemed so inclined to keep a distance between them. After everything that was said Tara didn’t want to encroach on her space. She blinked once at Willow then tilted her head back and took a much-needed drink. The cool water was a welcome relief on her stressed throat and queasy stomach. She pulled back. “Thanks.”

“I’ll take this.” Willow took the water in one hand and handed Tara the towel with the other. “Here.” She had to keep reminding herself. Try not to panic, just help Tara right now.

Tara eyed up Willow curiously as she took the towel. She seems calm… considering… so far. She headed for the sink, catching sight of herself in the mirror. Great, don’t I look good? Not that that would matter. Her eyes fluttered over to momentarily gaze at Willow in the mirror as she rinsed out her mouth. Then she went about splashing her face with cold water.

What am I going to do? What is Tara going to do? Willow started walking the bathroom floor behind Tara.

Tara rinsed her mouth out two more times. She shook her hands out, then took the towel and gently blotted her face. She watched Willow’s reflection in the mirror, pacing restlessly.

Willow’s mind was wrestling with the last of her denial. All the data finally added up: the spell’s confirmation, the pregnancy tests, and now symptoms. Hard proof and real evidence. She had been in denial; a Willow-world of denial. It was easier, especially since they had never really spoken about it. And, the more time passed the less real it seemed. But, this was real, very real. Willow stopped dead in her tracks and turned towards Tara. “Oh god. Tara you really are pregnant.”

Tara swiveled around in disbelief. All this time… and she didn’t believe me? “I know,” she replied dryly, and then she shook her head and hastily left the bathroom.

Good going Ms. Insensitive. Willow mentally slapped herself. “Tara, wait.”

Quickly reaching her room Tara put a hand on her door. Just as she was about to close it, she felt a pressure on the other side.

“Tara, I didn’t mean it that way.” Willow pushed slightly against the door and scooted in.

Letting out a sigh, Tara abandoned her place and walked to the futon. She crumpled into the folded bed. Willow’s remark in the bathroom wasn’t really callous, if anything, it was full of unwilling recognition.

Willow shut the door behind her and nervously surveyed the room. She picked up the dishes and put them on Tara’s desk. She’s really pregnant, now what? Tara, what are you… or, we going to do?

Tara had delayed talking to Willow for too long. Willow had not pushed her and they were on pretty good terms, until the bathroom incident. Both of them had politely steered clear of the pregnancy topic during dinner, just trying to regain a basic footing in their friendship. But, they wouldn’t be able to ignore the topic for long. There was a definite sensation emanating from her belly. And it was important that they talk before she entered her second trimester. I can’t stall anymore.

God, oh god…. Willow looked anxiously at Tara’s collapsed form and continued clearing away all traces of dinner. Everything had to go; take out boxes, napkins, paper bag, utensils, anything associated with dinner. Her own stomach was feeling suspiciously seasick and she didn’t think she could ever eat Thai food again.

Tara pushed herself up and scooted back. She was leaning against the cushions of her folded bed, watching Willow flitting about her room nervously cleaning up. “Willow why don’t we just s-sit down and t-talk?” She was still apprehensive, but Willow was here now and she seemed genuinely concerned.

“OK.” Willow flashed a sheepish smile and sat next to Tara. Don’t blow it; apologize first. And relax and try to calm down! Pausing only briefly, she bit her lip and slowly walked over, then sat down as asked. But she couldn’t hold back despite her intentions to stay composed. “OK, I want to apologize, a real apology. Tara I’m sorry… about everything… the things I said… and then the Espresso Pump and Buffy, who doesn’t know anything. And I can’t even say how bad I feel.” She cringed remembering how terribly she acted. Then she took a breath. “I mean, there I was all talking big about some dummy-guy running out on you… and I was the dummy. Me. Except girl, not guy. But still a big dummy, colossal big dummy. I ran off, I needed to think… a lot. And, I had to check the spell. But, I was a real jerk, doubting you and saying those things and then avoiding you and then, well, denial … and I’m so sorry. It was just a shock, you know, all at once. So again, really, really sorry.”

Tara nodded, relieved that Willow finally seemed to believe her. “I could hardly believe it myself to be honest. You know, the nine tests.”

Willow’s brow knitted. Right, duh… nine tests.



They sat momentarily in stilted silence, the tense situation getting the better of them.



“Tara?” There was the elephant in the room to talk about, but it felt easier to start with something less intimidating. Willow waded forward carefully. It stung her a bit that Tara hadn’t confided in her. “Why… why didn’t you tell me? You know, that you’re gay?”

There were a lot of reasons. Tara looked at Willow, wondering how to explain exactly. “I guess… y-you always seemed to have something going on, more important. There never seemed to be a right time. I-It’s not something you just a-announce, you know?” She stopped to make sure Willow understood. “I don’t make it a habit of introducing myself as ‘Hi, I’m Tara, I’m gay’.”

“Yeah, I guess that would be kind of silly. ‘Nice to meet you, I’m Willow Rosenberg and I’m strai-….” She tilted her head. Yeah, there’s definitely something kinda weird about saying that out loud.

Tara surveyed Willow confusedly. What did Willow just say? Did she just hesitate? Doesn’t mean anything anyway. She shook her head slightly.

“Willow, I want you to know I’m not closeted. I… I hope you don’t think I deceived you.” Tara spoke softly as her eyes fluttered towards the floor. “It’s just, sometimes people can be less than accepting. Sometimes people judge you on preconceived ideas and not who you really are.” And maybe I thought you were the same? “I’m just me… and I just happen to like girls.”

Willow watched Tara draw back into herself. There were volumes in Tara’s body language that she was just beginning to really understand how to read. She grimaced, remembering how badly she herself had reacted. “Well, people can be stupid, and people can change.” She chanced a small grin to convey her message.

Tara’s eyes flew upward and she noted Willow’s soft reassuring smile.



Another awkward silence invaded the room.



“So….” Willow waited a beat before continuing. “…um, what… what do you want to do?”

Tara took a deep breath. Uh oh, here goes nothing. “I want to keep the baby.”

Pregnant was one thing. A baby was a whole other thing, a whole big honking other thing. A BABY! Yes, because the end result of pregnancy equals baby. Dummy. Calm; just stay calm. The possibility of a magickal pregnancy was hard enough for her brain to process; she hadn’t even progressed to the final outcome. Willow furrowed her brow and swallowed hard. “But… I mean are you sure? Have you really thought this over?”

“Yes I have.”

“How about your… um, options?” Willow asked cautiously.

“Options?” What does she mean? Tara cast a suspicious glance at Willow.

“Well… I… because you’re so young and what about college and….” Willow’s mind was racing and she was doing her best to keep her thoughts organized. There’s got to be a way to fix this, right? Wouldn’t that be better?

“My options are to give birth or not.” Tara’s glance began to harden.

“But isn’t there another way? I mean, can’t we fix this?” Willow looked up hopefully at Tara.

“Fix this?” Tara’s demeanor abruptly turned cold. “Are you asking me to get an abortion?”

“Well, no, not exactly.” Abortion? No, no…. Willow continued on delicately. She could feel the thin ice she was walking on just starting to crack under Tara’s scrutiny. Under that ice lay a bed of lava. “A spell maybe?”

Tara cast an incredulous accusing glare at Willow. She stiffened and became heated. “W-what? Please tell me you’re joking?”

Willow was walking on hot coals. Danger, angry Tara. “No, I just… I mean, if a spell got us into this mess, couldn’t one get us out?”

“No! That’s exactly why we can’t do another spell! Anything could happen.” I can’t believe she suggested that. Tara folded her arms across her chest.

“I’m just trying to help.” Bad suggestion; very bad. What was I thinking? I wasn’t thinking at all. Not clearly anyway. Willow stared out at nothing, but her attention was immediately drawn back to an incredibly displeased Tara.

“If you want to help then just be supportive…and, if you can’t be, then… just stay away.” Even as she said it, Tara turned away from Willow. Do I really want her around me…and more importantly, the baby?

Supportive? What, how? I’m just old enough to legally vote! Oh god, a baby. “‘Away?’ No, I’m the reason this happened. It’s all my fault.”

Tara softened slightly, willing herself to remain calm. This was no time to break down and start another fight. “I don’t think it’s all your fault.” Didn’t she have an inkling before the spell? The words of the spell didn’t quite sit right with her. They set off a warning in the back of her mind. She didn’t listen.

“Oh, let’s see, I was the one who suggested the Inanna spell in the first place. And, I was the one that didn’t look at the text carefully. I didn’t know it was also a fertility spell. I just saw the words and interpreted it my way. ‘Oh hey, that’ll get me over Oz! Wish those feelings right away.’ La, la, la!” Willow voiced, in a self-incriminating manner.

“And are you?”

“What?” Willow looked at Tara questioningly.

“Over Oz?”

“I… don’t know? It’s not like I’ve really thought about him… you know stuff happening here.” Willow waved her hand between them in a back and forth manner.

“Then I guess the spell kind of did what you wanted. You’re not thinking about him anymore.” Tara shook her head, remembering every line of the chant. But there’s more to it than that, right?

“Yeah, I guess… but this isn’t exactly what I ‘wished’ for.” Willow mumbled the damning word. Ha, never again! ‘Wishes’ should come with disclaimers, like surgeon general warnings. ‘Warning: this wish greatly increases the likelihood of messing up your life. Anything with the word wish in it contains hidden meanings. Wisher beware, use at your own discretion.’ No wishes… and no spells to fix this.

It was a fertility spell with the word ‘wish’ in it! Tara shook her head. It made her wonder, had she herself inadvertently ‘wished’ for something during the Inanna ritual? Really at this point, it didn’t matter. Did it? Tara looked curiously at Willow. “What did you wish for?”

Willow wrinkled her brow in confusion. “I didn’t really wish wish. I thought….”

“OK, what were you thinking during the spell?”

“I wanted to get over Oz; stop my obsessing. I wanted someone to love me… unconditionally; someone… of my own.” The last of Willow’s words fell softly from her lips in a whisper. Her eyes flew up to Tara’s, looking for understanding. Then she widened them and looked at her again, tilting her head. But isn’t… isn’t that what I said to Tara? After the Inanna spell… during the Buffy-Faith switch. ‘But I kind of like having something that's just, you know, mine.’

Tara couldn’t meet Willow’s eyes, and her gaze fell downward. She didn’t really ‘wish’ either; her thoughts at the time were focused solely on Willow. “I-I wanted the same t-thing too.” It was almost a confession. “I guess a baby does fill that requirement; unconditional love.” She said in a hopeful tone, as she wrapped her arms around her belly. In her case it was already true. She loved the baby. Circumstances weren’t perfect, but she knew how she felt.

Tara wanted someone too? She said she was ‘yours’…. Did she mean something else? “I guess.” Willow replied distractedly as her mind raced forward. She tried to imagine her life with a baby in it. A bundle in her hands instead of a stake as she ran away from vampires, a child clinging to her instead of a backpack as she went to class. It was a formula she couldn’t quite wrap her mind around.

Tara took a deep breath. It’s obvious she isn’t ready for any of this and what did I really expect? We’re friends - that’s all. “Willow, I don’t expect anything from you. If you don’t want to have anything more to do with me, or the baby….” She felt dejected as she said it, but held it in. She wanted to make this easier for Willow to walk away if she wanted to.

“What? No! Of course I want to…. I was just thinking about things.” Willow gave her a firm look. I can’t just let her do this alone. I want to help. I can’t just leave all this in her lap… er, belly. She stared at Tara, cradling her stomach.

“I just thought maybe you didn’t….” Tara didn’t have a chance to finish.

“Well then you need to stop thinking… that way.”

“Thanks.” Tara reached out, tentatively placing a hand on Willow’s leg.

Willow jerked from the touch.

“S-sorry.” Tara quickly pulled away and drew back. Willow initiated contact earlier? I thought that was a sign this whole imposed no-contact sanction was over? Is she still uncomfortable around me?

Idiot! It’s not like you weren’t kind of touchy-feely friends before. Now you’re acting like she has the plague. She’s still the same person, you’re friend. The reaction was more because of her thoughts about the spell, her ‘wish-thought’ of someone of her own. She couldn’t even begin to explain it to Tara. “I guess I’m still in a little shock… about the pregnancy. You know? I’ll stop acting like a spaz, promise.” Willow took Tara’s hand and gave it a gentle squeeze for reassurance.

Tara simply nodded, giving Willow a little smile, but withdrew her hand. OK she wants to help and still be my friend, so I can’t mess this up. I have to respect her boundaries. Willow let Tara’s hand slip out of her own without protest. She wanted to hold on to it tightly, but she was unsure of so many things. Herself, Tara, and a baby - it was an equation that was far too complex to figure out right now.

Tara suddenly felt exhausted, shaken to the core both physically and emotionally. She rested her head against a pillow.

Willow spoke softly. “And… what about your family? I mean, I know you’re mom, well… you know, but what about the rest of your family? Couldn’t they…?”

Tara lifted her head off the pillow and shook her head.

“Oh, I…. Willow peered at her curiously. I know her mom passed away, but she’s not on good terms with the rest of her family? What else don’t I know about her? Willow chastised herself. How self-centered am I, never really taking the time to find out more about Tara? It was a terrible truth; she knew lots of little things about her. Foods she liked, colors, classes, and magick. She always assumed Tara was just incredibly shy.

The mention of her mother reminded Tara of the one person she knew loved her unconditionally. Mama, I guess we never got around to the possibility of magickal pregnancies. It would’ve been nice if you could’ve met your grandchild. A ghostly smile graced Tara’s face as she ran her hand over her belly. She drew a deep breath and closed her eyes, sniffling.

Oh she’s crying again. “Tara? Are… are you ok?” Willow nervously edged closer to Tara’s reclining figure.

“I’m s-sorry Willow, it’s not you. I’m just tired, it’s been r-rough… lately. And my h-hormones are out of c-control.” Tara chuckled and then opened her eyes.

Tara’s laugh…. Willow smiled a little. Pregnant, yeah rough! God, I bet. Help her doofus. “No, I understand. It’s getting kind of late and all… maybe you should just sleep. Here.”

Willow stood up and held out her hands. Tara looked at her questioningly, but was too tired to do anything but obey. She took hold of Willow’s proffered hands. It suddenly felt like their strained friendship had taken a small step forward.

Willow hoisted her up, then walked her a short distance. “Sit. Relax. I’ll get your bed already. Ok?” She patted Tara’s comfy chair and sat her in it.

Tara nodded, and then leaned back gratefully, watching Willow removing the decorative pillows from the bed. She pursed her lips and chastised herself. Now she’s being sweet and this is going to be... complicated. There’s so much more to deal with.

“Ok you….” Willow narrowed her eyes. “…You may just need to lay flat from now on.” She grabbed hold of the wooden frame and pulled the futon out. “Flat now.” That pain in her back flared again. Stupid faucet. When she had it all down she smoothed out the blankets. She fluffed one of the bed pillows and then the other. Haven’t slept here for a while, have I pillow? Part of her wanted to stay the night. She glanced over at Tara.

“Willow, thanks.” Tara sat up and pushed herself off the chair. “I’m s-sorr….” She didn’t get a chance to finish.

“No Tara, don’t apologize.” Willow shook her head. “Just get some rest, ok?”

“Are you going to be ok, getting home alone?” Tara glanced out her window. It was night after all.

“Oh me… I’ll be fine. Straight home, well-lit paths. Scooby trained and certified, stake and holy water equipped.” Willow bent down to retrieve her jacket. She slid it on as she walked towards the door. When she reached the doorway she swiveled around to address Tara. Don’t be pushy. “But, maybe we can see each other again… sooner?”

Tara followed after her. “Sooner?” She tilted her head at Willow and raised a brow at her. She’s trying right? And very eager.

Willow walked out into the hallway. “Like tomorrow? Er, maybe I can check in on you, tomorrow.” What happened to not pushy?

A few cute notes, one dinner together, and a single conversation doesn’t automatically make things better. Tara leaned heavily against the edge of the open door. “Maybe, tomorrow.”

Willow tried not to show her disappointment and gave Tara a tiny wave. “Ok, tomorrow, maybe. Nite Tara.”

“Um, call me so I know you got home safely.” Willow can be so cute and all she’s doing is waving at you. Tara shook her head. “Goodnight Willow.”

“Ok. Bye.” Willow waited until the door was shut. Her face became grave as she walked down the corridor then descended the stairs. Again her mind distractedly counted the steps, 48 back to 1. With every step she tried to grasp what exactly just transpired.

My fault.

Theory was fine and that’s all it had seemed to be.

Tara pregnant.

But the reality of it was a different story, a whole different story!

Having… keeping baby.

By the time she reached the bottom floor she was completely turned inside out.

Got to help.

Overwhelmed, conflicted as well as confused.

A BABY?

She let out a huge breath.

Ok, a baby.


-------------------------------------------


My sainted beta starcomed, you're the best. Thanks for looking out for me.

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“This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.” - Dorothy Parker
"Good sex is like good Bridge... If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand." - Mae West


Last edited by Tues on Mon Feb 13, 2006 4:57 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2006 5:31 am 
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10. Troll Hammer
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yey update! will come back later for feedback! i'm sooo happy!!! :bounce :bounce :bounce


ETA: ok willow is finally coming to terms with the pregnancy thing... but i almost hit her in the head with her insensitive comment about tara's other "options." if she is trying to get into tara's good graces, she's not doing a good job at all... but she is trying... even meaning to be there for tara every step of the way... she will have slip-ups every now and then, let's hope she's a fast learner though and tara's in a bright mood at that time...

tara definitely has feeling for willow, but she was considerate enough to make it willow's choice to stay or to stay away... willow is still a little confused about her exact feelings for tara but hesitating about saying she's straight gives us hope yet (and tara)...

they finally realized that the pregnancy might not have been a mistake afterall... they did both made a "wish" to have someone love them unconditionally and a baby exactly serves that purpose...

they still have lots to undergo, but i think the bottom line is "the elephant in the room" has finally been addressed (even if just a little bit and a lot still needs to be talked about) and now they can move on to other pressing issues of the pregnancy.

another great update... can't wait for what's coming up next...

p.s. poor willow! she can't have any coffee in front of tara... she can't even have coffee breath... unless tara puke on shirt is the new fashion :lol

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Last edited by tarebear on Mon Feb 13, 2006 4:27 am, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2006 6:10 am 
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8. Vixen
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Ouch ouch! But it's good that they talked. Willow tried very hard being not a dummy this time hm? She didnt really succeed :-D
Cant wait for the next update! I just love this story. :x

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2006 7:29 am 
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3. Flaming O
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Nice Update. They finally talked. It was small but atleast it was something. Things are complicated for them. So much more still needs to be said and that will complicate things even more. Tara needs to talk to Willow about the feelings she has for her. It's hard to be just friends with the "straight" woman you are in love with and having her baby. Sooner or later those feeling will start to show.
Willow and her scientific mind still looking for solutions. I also understand Willow's comment about "options" because Tara is no more ready to have a baby than Willow. No money, no job, no family support, and probably no school. It's hard for a scientific mind to add those things and have it equal(=) baby. Now that Willow absolutely know that that equation does equal baby she can fully put herself into it and make it work.

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 Post subject: Re: Creation Myth
PostPosted: Sun Feb 12, 2006 7:48 am 
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Yay, an update! Thank god they talked. I feel like they've made some progress. Willow really does have the foot-in-mouth disease, though. It's good that she's realizing that she's been viewing not only Tara's pregnancy but her entire friendship with Tara through a self-centered lens. No value judgement necessarily with the self-centered comment, I guess it's just very very easy to overlook and take for granted someone who is naturally more quiet, shy, reticent, and accommodating. The real trick is switching from ME ME ME mode to truly honestly caring about the other person and getting into the habit of not running roughshod over them with one's own wants, needs, priorities, desires, and wishes.

Quote:
That pain in her back flared again. Stupid faucet.


Is it just me or is this a clue that Willow is sharing sympathetic symptoms of pregnancy?

Can't wait for the next chapter. I love that they are making slow and steady progress and that they're being honest and not avoidy. And that Tara is not really a doormat; she intends to take care of herself and of the baby.

It broke my heart when Willow was talking about other options besides having the baby. I'm a firmly pro-choice person, but it makes me anxious when someone tries to suggest to a pregnant person that they should get an abortion (or end a pregnancy by magickal means). I think that in this day and age it's something that every pregnant person who is not thrilled to be pregnant considers, and it's such a personal decision. Anyway, I'm not sure why it makes me anxious, it just struck a chord, probably from what some friends and relatives have experienced in their own lives. But it does make me want to grab Willow by the shoulders and say "Willow, I'm one of the readers who has understood you and your trouble accepting and dealing with Tara's pregnancy, so please listen to me when I say just offer to support Tara unconditionally in whatever she decides."

But having said that, I do see it as realistic and in-character for Willow (this Willow) to have thought of that and to have said it, however insensitive I think it is.

GREAT GREAT job and very excited about what's next!!!

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