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[center]See Chapter One for disclaimers.
For the lovely and sweet Irene. Mi Dulce, gracias... por todo. Usted es en mi corazón. [/center]
Chapter Eight – Pressures and Tensions
Willow had scoured the Internet, scanned through leaflets, and read books. Research had always been her specialty and she wanted to be prepared. She had a notebook in front of her, annotated with post-its and notes; color-coordinated and neatly outlined. For the past week she had been in hyper drive. She had a lot to catch up on, especially for today.
Her mind was reeling, trying to absorb all the information in front of her.
Things to avoid, huh?
“Great you’re here.” Buffy walked in.
“Buffy! Hi, ah, Buffy.” Willow hastily turned off her laptop and closed up her notebook. She neatly stacked pregnancy books underneath it, making sure to hide the spines away.
“Whatcha doing? Research for Giles?” Buffy motioned her head at Willow, noticing the stack of books and notes.
“Ah, no, just my own project.” She didn’t want to lie.
But it’s not just my news to announce. Plus all the information indicates that it’s best to announce a pregnancy after the first trimester…ok, which is technically over. But, still, without the doctor’s A-ok… well, and Tara’s consent and all. This was what she told herself; the truth was she just wasn’t comfortable with the idea of telling anyone.
“Ok.” Buffy eyed up her best friend. She took a seat on her bed watching Willow pack up her book bag. She’s getting ready to flee again. “Can we, you know, talk? Have a little best friend time?”
“Ahh, well I gotta go, I have….” Willow spoke distractedly as she slid the books and notebook into her bag.
“Homework. Right?” Buffy spoke up, cocking her head to the side.
Willow’s head shot up. Oh no, suspicious Buffy. I need a new excuse. “Well… yeah.”
“C’mon Will, what’s going on? You’ve been study-girl more and more.” Buffy paused carefully. “Even more than well, when, Oz left.”
“I’m fine Buffy, really.” Willow slung her bag over her shoulder.
“You and Tara aren’t still fighting, are you? I thought grovel-duty was long over.” Buffy knew it was the last thing that had really upset Willow. And, her best friend never really explained what was going on.
“Me and Tara?” Willow shook her head vigorously.
No, not fighting. Pregnant - yes, fighting - no. “Actually, I’m going to see her right now!”
Buffy narrowed her eyes slightly. She momentarily thought of stopping Willow, using force if necessary, but she relented. “Oh, ok. I guess we’ll catch up later?” So no Tara fighting, that’s good. At least she’s talking to someone. Tara. Tara’s nice. But what’s going on? Have Xander and I been really bad friends so that Will doesn’t talk to us anymore? I need to talk to Xander, definitely time for Scooby intervention.
“Yeah, sure. Ok.” Willow was out the door before Buffy could delay her any further.
Well, it wasn’t really a lie. I am going to see Tara.
Willow still had doubts, major ones, but she was determined to do the right thing. As the week progressed, she felt the need to prove herself to Tara, making sure to watch her step, and her mouth. They had made progress. At the very least, they were now on a semi-regular schedule of seeing each other every couple of days or so, with small communications in between.
She knew Tara was still wary of her, but Willow couldn’t blame her for that. Not after her initial reaction, and her severe foot-in-mouth disease that she seemed especially prone to since the ‘accident’. Willow didn’t know what else to call it, but she knew better than to call it that in front of Tara. And it was an accident; a huge Willow-sized mistake that she now wanted to help with…not just help with, but also be a part of.
She trudged her way over towards Tara’s.
Despite the weeklong research she was still really anxious about today. Willow took a deep breath, leaned up against a tree and waited.
---
Tara was nervous about going to the clinic today. It wasn’t the exam that worried her; it was Willow.
All week the redhead had been on her best behavior, trying hard, sometimes too hard. Whether it was helping her carry something or simply checking in with her. Even catering to her every snack craving with great precision. Tara smiled at the thought of Willow presenting her with a slice of watermelon topped with a scoop of room-temperature vanilla ice cream.
Exactly what I requested... just what I wanted. It was all very sweet and thoughtful, but Tara was still holding back. She reasoned that it was better to be cautious; she didn’t want to overburden Willow and send her running in the opposite direction again. They were, after all, just re-establishing the friendship foundations, so to speak.
Today was a big step for both of them, a trial of sorts for her and Willow, together.
It was time to meet Willow waiting for her outside. Tara took a quick peek in the mirror; she felt rather drab in her baggy sweat pants and UCS jersey. Picking up her binder of pregnancy information, she set off. She tried not to think about the necessary 3 glasses of water she drank, about 1⁄2 an hour ago, for the sonogram.
As she descended the stairs, she began thinking about things she would soon need for the baby. She quickly found herself on the bottom floor heading out the front door. It was another nice mild spring day, and despite her worries, she suddenly felt slightly euphoric. She was, or they were, going to see the first images of the baby.
Hormones. Tara chuckled at herself, and she couldn’t help smiling at Willow, who was walking towards her.
Willow noticed how happy Tara seemed as she approached. It was infectious and she found herself grinning too.
She looks great. “Hey.”
“Hi Willow.” Despite her high spirits, Tara had butterflies in her stomach and an increasing pressure on her bladder.
Should I ask her about the form? Maybe it’s best just to get to the clinic first, see if she makes that far. Goddess, will I make it that far? I hope I don’t explode on the exam table.
“Should we, you know, go?” Willow motioned with her head towards the front of campus.
Tara could only nod, the giddy nervousness wasn’t helping her need to pee.
“Do you, maybe, want to put your stuff in my bag?” Willow pointed shyly at the binder Tara was holding up against her chest.
Tara shook her head.
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Buffy sat in the Espresso Pump waiting. She waved at one of her best friends at the counter.
“Hey Buff, sorry I’m late. Held up dispensing frozen sugar treats to the general Sunnydale populace.” Xander took a seat with a coffee in hand. “Man, I need a new job!”
“Hey Xander.” Buffy hadn’t been waiting too long. She was just sitting there thinking about her very short run-in with Willow.
“So, any luck with our oh-so woeful Willow?” Xander took a swig of his coffee. They had discussed Buffy trying an alone intervention.
Buffy silently shook her head.
Only if you consider ‘luck’ to be Willow in flee-mode. Again.
Xander nodded, pulling something out of his back pocket. He put the small green piece of paper on the table.
Buffy stared at the crumpled thing, flecked with fuzzy tissue down.
“I hate to say it, but in the best friends kind of way, we suck.” Xander sat back.
“I was just thinking that.” Buffy tilted her head curiously. “How did you…?”
“Found it in my back pocket.” Xander shrugged his shoulders, and then looked at Buffy oddly. “But didn’t you say something about Willow fighting with Tara?”
“Yea, they did, but it’s all good now.” Buffy paused. “That’s where Will was headed. I mean, it’s good that Willow’s got someone to talk to. Plus with all the witchy-goodness, I’m sure they have a lot in common. But….”
Xander nodded again. “Again, with the sucking!” He pointed a finger at himself and then Buffy.
Slightly alarmed, Buffy looked at him.
He shook his head adamantly. “You know what I mean.”
“Tara’s a better friend than us.” Buffy pouted.
“Yeah, that’s why they’re such good pals.” He pointed at the note, tapping it four times for emphasis. “We kind of just… let Wills get down about Oz, while we went off with our lives, huh?” Xander shook his head. “No wonder she stopped turning to us. When did that happen?”
“After Willow’s drunken night and that whole 'be-done' spell thingy,” Buffy stated plainly, then she spoke softly. “I think, I may have held that against her, in an unconscious “c’mon get over Oz already” kind of way.” She hated the idea of it, but it was true.
“D'Hoffryn,” Xander scowled, remembering the demon’s part in all that. It wasn’t a name he’d forget, being so closely linked to Anya. “I think you’re right though. Ok, so I have a demon-girl habit, but I didn’t need to be made into a demon magnet.” He had been resentful at Willow, for putting him and Anya at risk, because of her own breakup blues. Both he and Buffy had to get over their first loves, and they did. “Boy, at least I wasn’t engaged to Spike!”
Buffy shot him a piercing look. “Thanks… visuals, been trying to get over them.”
“We need to bring the Scooby gang back together. We’ve both tried asking her out with each of us.” Xander looked at Buffy.
“Yeah, but we always invited her when we were with our honeys.” Buffy rolled her eyes. “Remember the night we both showed up at the Bronze for core-Scooby night with dates, but Willow was alone?”
“Correction, you showed up with the troops; I had a date, singular.” Xander sat on the edge of his seat. “So how about just the Three Musketeers?”
Buffy narrowed her eyes. “We could ambush and kidnap her for a night of fun.” She grinned. “I think I’ve got a plan….”
Xander brightened up.
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The walk to the clinic had been quiet; the closer they got to their final destination, the more nervous each of them became. Willow looked up at the façade of the clinic and gulped as Tara gave her a sideways glance.
Play it cool Rosenberg. She smiled at Tara.
So, here we go. Tara stepped up on the auto-sensor mat so that the doors glided open; her eyes fluttered over to the general direction of the bathrooms.
Willow followed slightly behind.
“Hello Tara.” Lee eyed up Willow coolly. “Right on time. I’ll be performing the procedure and Dr. Pfeiffer will see you briefly after the sonogram. Just give me two seconds, ok?”
“Ok.” Tara stood in the familiar waiting area with Willow right next to her.
Well, cheery… with all the pale yellow, soft blues and pinks. Pastel-soothing. Willow craned her head around, spotting pregnancy brochures, safe sex pamphlets, and other women’s health related reading material.
Tara glanced at Willow.
So we made it this far; now the paternal health history form. For the past week, since handing the form over, she wanted to ask about it. But she resisted, not wanting to spook Willow. Willow didn’t bring it up, so she didn’t either.
Well we’re here and Willow’s been great... lately.
Tara was considering how to ask Willow about the form when Lee walked up.
“Tara?” Lee had a clipboard in her hands. “Do you have the….” She smiled, glancing at Willow briefly, then focusing on Tara. “… form we talked about on your last visit?”
“I… ah….” Tara peered at Willow nervously.
Willow frowned a bit at the woman standing before them. She didn’t like that this person was putting Tara on the spot, so she spoke right up. “Oh, here Tara, I was holding it for you.” Willow reached into her bag and pulled out a sheet of paper.
Lee nodded at Willow and took the form, scanning it briefly.
Tara only caught a passing glance at the paper; she didn’t see what was written on it. She was just happy that Willow had filled it out. “Thanks.”
Willow smiled at Tara. But, she shifted around uncomfortably as the nurse read over the form.
Her health form.
“Looks like this is all in order.” Lee didn’t look up at either girl as she attached the form to the clipboard. “Follow me, exam room 3... and your friend can join you.” The nurse nodded her head down the hall and led the way.
“Oh, well….” Tara moved, hesitantly. It was a big enough deal that Willow had accompanied her to the clinic. Was it too much to also ask her to be in the actual exam room for the sonogram?
Willow set herself into resolve-mode. If there was something to prove to Tara, and herself, it was now. She had been wondering how she was going to talk her way into being present, as in right there in the room, for the sonogram. After all her research, she felt as prepared as she could be. With a resolute nod, she took a step towards the exam rooms.
---
Lee quietly escorted them into the room. “Tara, go ahead and lie down.”
Tara lay down on the tissue-covered exam table, the thin paper crinkling under her.
With a reassuring smile Lee draped a blanket over Tara’s legs and abdomen. Then she went about readying the equipment, feeling two sets of eyes following her every move.
Tara took a small breath, holding the bottom of her jersey. She couldn’t help feeling self-conscious as the nurse lowered her pants slightly to expose her lower belly.
Willow’s here and I’m just lying here exposed. I mean that’s why I’m here, but…. It put her in a vulnerable position to be laid out like that.
Meanwhile, Willow examined the sonogram machine so she wasn’t staring at Tara, who had hitched up her shirt partially over her stomach.
That’s a sophisticated machine, keyboard, touch-screen monitor, trackball, camera, printer, transducer… oh gel-warmer! That’s nice, so it won’t be cold on Tara’s tummy. She peeked at Tara’s belly.
Tara’s forming tummy.
Tara saw the corners of Willow’s mouth curl into a small grin.
Hmm? She’s happy about this? Then she saw Willow furrow her brow. Willow confused her on many levels.
Now she’s not happy?
Lee smiled at Tara as she rubbed some warmed gel on her gloved hands. “Okay, so I’m just going to rub some of this on your stomach and we can proceed.” The nurse salved the gooey substance on Tara’s belly.
Willow began to feel the frown on her face harden, as the nurse put her hands over Tara’s stomach.
Right, so that’s procedural and all… what’s going on with me? She shook her head slightly, trying to knock the look she knew she had, off her face.
Lee wiped off her hands and picked up the transducer wand. She began pushing it into Tara’s belly, looking for just the right angle.
Both girls lost track of themselves as grainy images appeared on the screen. At first it didn’t look like anything at all, just a circular gray blob. Despite the vague imagery on screen, both girls were absorbed as Lee continued on, briefly lingering here and there, pressing the transducer into various parts of Tara’s belly.
Tara tried to ignore the now pronounced pressure on her abdomen as Lee continued pressing the transducer into her stomach.
It made Willow even crankier when she noticed a little perspiration on Tara’s brow. She wanted to grab the scanner from the nurse.
C’mon I’ve done scans before. Maybe not on a human, flat book-ish things, but it’s basically the same principle. I bet I could find the baby; it’s a finite space, how come she can’t find the baby?
Finally the nurse slowed down, concentrating on one section.
Tara craned her head slightly towards the monitor as an image came on screen. It was unmistakable, the baby’s head. She instantly brightened, completely forgetting the full feeling in her bladder.
Willow’s eyes grew large as a clearer image came into view. She peeked at Tara, who was now riveted on the monitor.
She’s… radiant? Willow grinned, and took a step closer to Tara.
Tara glanced briefly at Willow and flushed. She felt slightly embarrassed, belly up and exposed, but noticed the smile on Willow’s face that seemed to be growing broader by the minute.
“So there’s your baby’s head.” Lee showed them the head from a few angles, freezing the frame each time. She used the trackball to draw a line across the skull, as the machine figured out the relevant size. A running tally of the measured sizes was on the edge of the screen. She focused in on the upper body before moving around again to focus on the lower body. She did more measurements: the body diameter, amniotic fluid diameter, and a few others. She clicked a couple more buttons, and measured the heartbeat.
Willow watched patiently as her mind went over details.
Half an ounce and 2.5 inches long; that's average for a baby at about 12 weeks. Bone formations, fingernail growth, hair development, and fingers and toes fully separated. She watched the monitor, thinking she saw a hand or a foot in the ghostly images. Her brain was fully engaged, but it was the strange muscular device in her chest that began registering information her brain couldn’t process. She felt her heart seize slightly, then speed up, and she took another step to stand right at Tara’s side. Her hands touched the edge of the exam table. As she peered at Tara’s profile, still zeroed in on the baby her fingers twitched and flexed outward just grazing Tara’s hand. Willow’s gaze traveled downward to the accidental touch and she realized how badly she wanted to take Tara’s hand in her own.
Tara didn’t notice Willow had stepped closer to her until their hands met briefly. Tara took another peek at Willow who was fixated on the monitor.
She’s calm and seems… happy? She didn’t quite know what to think of the smile on the other girl’s face.
Lee took a few more photos then put the transducer down. She pulled a few tissues to wipe the goo off of Tara’s stomach. “Alright, let me just have the doctor take a quick look at these and she’ll be back in to check on you.”
Tara let out at breath as pulled up her pants and tugged down her jersey. The pressure on her bladder came back two-fold. “Can I use the bathroom now?”
Lee nodded and reached down to help Tara sit up.
“Great!”
Thank the goddess.
Willow took a small step back then scowled at herself, and the nurse. She stepped forward again and helped Tara as well.
Tara couldn’t think of anything else except for getting to the bathroom before she lost all control.
Willow was waiting in the exam room, when the doctor and Lee walked in.
“Hello.” The doctor looked at Willow.
“Hi, um Tara had to go….” Willow nervously eyed up the sonogram images the nurse handed to the doctor.
“Yes, I’m sure she did,” the doctor replied knowingly. “I am Tara’s doctor, Doctor Pfeiffer.” The doctor held out her hand.
“Willow.” Willow shook the doctor’s hand. “Um, Tara’s, ah, um… friend, I’m helping with the baby.”
“Birth partner,” Lee offered, as she pushed the sonogram monitor out of the way and cleaned up. She and the doctor spoke briefly before she left the room.
Birth partner. Willow nodded beaming. “Yeah.”
Tara walked back in to see the doctor addressing Willow.
Hmmm? I wonder what they’re talking about.
“Tara, how are you feeling?” The doctor turned to focus on her patient.
“Pretty good, now.”
The doctor nodded pausing momentarily before continuing. “Everything checks out just fine. Although, I am still a bit concerned about your stress levels. We need to watch that to avoid any hypertension complications, ok?” She spoke softly while examining the sonogram images and figures.
Tara wasn’t quite sure how to respond. Yes, she had been under a lot of stress. And much of it centered around her condition and the very person with her at the moment; the ‘father’.
Hypertension = very bad for mother and baby. Right, I read that. Willow drew her mouth into a small tight knot.
And that’s at least partially my fault.
“Well, we talked about some relaxation techniques, your diet, sleep, and exercise. All of which should help. And, let’s see….” The doctor looked at the clipboard in her hand, “…luckily, hypertension doesn’t run in the family.”
Tara peeked at Willow, who seemed distressed.
The doctor wrote a few things down in Tara’s file. “So, it looks like the baby will be due in late October. We should be able to come up with a more precise date now that we have all these figures handy.”
B-A-B-Y D-U-E O-C-T-O-B-E-R!! “Um. That’s six months from now?”
Duh, of course, but? Willow nervously swallowed; her stomach clenched, then dropped.
“Yes.” Tara could see something was wrong.
She’s looking kind of pale?
The doctor stopped writing to look at Willow, then Tara.
“It’s too soon… I….” Willow stood up, abruptly grabbing her mouth.
At that precise moment, there was small knock on the door, and Lee peeked in.
“W-Willow?” Tara called out in concern.
Lee instantly noticed the redhead’s state; she and Dr. Pfeiffer shared a brief look as she walked in. The nurse took Willow by the arm, leading her slightly away, and whispered, “round the corner to the left, unless you’d rather…?” She looked down at the corner trashcan that she had just walked Willow to.
No! Willow bolted out the door. Something yellow, acidic, and just plain icky wanted out of her stomach, its chosen path, up her esophagus and out her mouth. This was no phantom feeling; it was the real thing.
Tara was surprised by the outburst. She got up and quickly walked over to the door, sticking her head out into the hallway, just in time to see a wisp of red hair disappear into the bathroom.
The doctor laughed slightly, but quickly regained composure. “Lee, could you…?” The doctor motioned towards the open door.
“Yes Doctor, and your next appointment is ready, room 1.”
“Tara, I’ll see you next month. Don’t worry about your partner; it’s normal. Just a little ‘compassionate pregnancy malady’.” Dr. Pfeiffer smiled, handing Lee the patient file, then left.
Partner? Tara turned back around in surprise.
Lee put the clipboard on the counter and took a paper cup from a nearby dispenser. “Tara, she’ll be fine. Just try to relax; the stress isn’t good for either of you.” The nurse motioned at Tara’s belly. “Wait here, and I’ll make sure she comes back, ok?”
Tara wanted to check on Willow herself, but did as she was told. Looking around the room, the clipboard nearby got her attention. She looked at the closed door, then reached over and picked up her file. She thought she was imagining what was written on the top of the form. Tara traced the paper with her index finger, a grin forming on her face.
Ten minutes later, Lee returned with Willow in tow. “Here, sit down. Drink this.” She motioned to a chair and handed the redhead a cup of cold water. “So, why don’t you both have a breather? Just come out, when you’re ready.” Lee picked up the patient file and left the room, closing the door quietly.
Willow let go a long sigh. She finished her water and was glad to finally be alone with Tara. “Sorry. Things have been stressful. And I’m being lame now, because you’re the one that’s pregnant.” She was mortified. She had wanted to prove to Tara that she could handle it all and she lost it; totally freaked.
Tara looked at Willow empathetically; it was reasonable to assume that Willow would be confused and overwhelmed.
Of course this would affect her. But, could she really be experiencing….? “Willow, what exactly have you been feeling, physically?”
“Huh?” Willow looked at her questioningly. “Um, bad headaches, pains all over, hungry, then not, stomach aches, can’t sleep. Like I’m getting ready for a huge test I haven’t studied for.”
“Maybe you’re having sympathy symptoms?” Tara examined Willow thoughtfully.
“Couvade Syndrome?”
That’s pathetic! Come on Rosenberg, you’re not the one that’s with child! Are you? Willow instantly grabbed her flat stomach.
Wait, I had my period! Whew, 'cause two babies? “No, it can’t be. That only happens when two people are, um… really close?”
But magick baby… the spell…? Oh boy.
Tara couldn’t help being slightly amused at the sensitive girl before her. Maybe they weren’t as close as they were before, but they were obviously connected in some way now. She peered at Willow, and couldn’t help grinning.
She knows about Couvade Syndrome? She’s been researching about pregnancies. Tara reached out, placing a firm hand on Willow’s forearm. “It’s ok Willow.”
Willow shook her head emphatically. “No, it’s not. I’m not… but you are… and that’s just lame.” She hated feeling like a failure, and worse yet, Tara was comforting her. She was afraid her little pukey display would make Tara doubt her again. “I’m fine. But Tara… I need you to know that I REALLY want to be here for you and the baby.” With a deep breath, she bravely took Tara’s hand in her own, and peered up hopefully.
Tara’s smile broadened. She looked at the freckled hand tentatively holding hers, then back up at Willow. Willow was here with her now and that alone would have been more than enough. But it was the health form that had cemented Willow’s intentions for Tara, in plain bold writing.
Father: Rosenberg, Will.
Tara made a quick decision, shifting her hand and deliberately interlacing her fingers with Willow’s, she said, “I know.”
Willow felt Tara’s fingers wrap around hers, and that central part in her chest compressed again. She was spellbound by the crooked grin on Tara’s face. “Good ‘cause, you know, um, babies take time to grow up… so I might need to be around for awhile.”
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Finally... thank you starcomed for the beta & putting up with my general wackiness. You're, well...a star.
Yea, I've edited it a billion times because the code's being snarky and not cooperating with me.
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you have more angst in store for us. This is a very sentimental story, yet you've stayed away from the soppiness. Thanks for that.
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...i've been checking for an update every hour or so...
