The Kitten, the Witches and the Bad Wardrobe - Willow & Tara Forever

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 7:09 pm 
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11. Fish in the Bowl
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sooo.... more? more? more?

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 9:59 am 
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16. Pancakes in Bellies
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Every day I check this thread, hoping there would be an update, wishing there would be an update, praying there will be an update and now I'm even begging..... will there be an update?

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 11:59 am 
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30. Sweaty and Kinda Gay
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Very soon, guys...very soon. Promise. :)

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 11:59 am 
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YAY!!!!!
:pinky

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 6:00 pm 
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I will be doing the snoopy dance until their is an updated goodness aoon I beg of you :pray :pray :pray :pray :pray :pray :pray

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Sun Jul 29, 2007 8:33 pm 
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11. Fish in the Bowl

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:dance I'm so excited about a update I can hardly sit still !









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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 11:19 am 
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16. Pancakes in Bellies
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Hi Emms....

I spy with my little eye...:sleepy hhmmmm :hmm NO UPDATE :sob

Henster

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 4:08 pm 
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11. Fish in the Bowl

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:pinky :pinky :pinky :eatme :banana :dumbo :wave hard to sit still








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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 9:28 am 
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16. Pancakes in Bellies
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Emms.......... ???????????? How many day's until there is an update? I wan't to count the hours down until 0 :-D

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 2:27 pm 
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Eeeek! Okay, okay!

here's the deal guys... the next chapter has been pretty much done for a few weeks now... I just haven't posted it cos I'm not really happy with it entirely...but I'm realizing that maybe I'm worrying too much about it being perfect and that I should probably just post it and move on to the next chapter. Agonizing is really exhausting. So I've decided this: I'll post feedback replies tomorrow and then on Monday I'll just suck it up and post the next chapter. I'm sorry for having made everyone wait so long...it wasn't my intention when I announced that I was working on chapter 17.

and a big thank you to everyone for being patient with me.

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:50 pm 
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:party Emms your work is always perfect to us ! now I must go do the I can't wait until Monday dance.





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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Sat Aug 11, 2007 7:54 pm 
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3. Flaming O

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Yeah! Your work is great! I can't wait for the next chapter!


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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 6:55 am 
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:pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky :pinky
PARTYYYYYYYYYY

Emms have I ever told you I'm gifted? ;-) Well I just know your next update will be a number one hit so stop worrying!!!! okay! I mean it, it will be a number one hit.

Henster

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 7:51 am 
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Replies. If I've left anyone out, I'm sorry. PM me and I'll apologize proper. :luv

Jea ~ naughty you. You never left me feedback. *sticks tongue out* I guess I’ll forgive you just this once, tho’.

db ~

Quote:
I am so glad you included the talk with Spencer - it was so good, Tara is such a good mommy! She did a great job answering his questions honestly and in a way he could really understand. Plus, she let the whole bullsh*t with Logan roll off her back. I would have lost my cool, I think. Logan was so rude and confrontational and to be honest, I think Tara is a little too tolerant with her.


Thank you. And I agree… Tara is far too tolerant of Logan.

Quote:
There are some lines that are not ok to cross with kids and she just stepped way over it. Ugh. She is *not* a good parent. I just hope you aren't using someone you know from RL as a model for her character because if you are, well I want to poke them in the eye. Hard.


Heehee eye-poke-age! Actually, Logan is a mix of a few different people I know. She’s a fictional mutt. :D

Quote:
I have to dissagree with you about the not-enough-Willow part though... I thought the sitting around the campfire with the peek into each of their respective thoughts was beautiful and incredibly moving and just the right amount of W/T.


Thank you. I’m glad you thought so. I was worried people would be upset that there wasn’t more Willow/Tara goodness.

You observations on Willow, Tara, and Ginny’s psyche is right on, sweetie. You’ve got a good hold on where I’m trying to go with all this.

Thank you for the feedback, sweetie. Luv ya much!

Dianneswillowtree ~

Thank you, hun! And you’re not alone… I think we’ve all had a good dose of JustSkipIt’s angst-y-type wonderfulness. She’s an awesome writer.

Michelle ~

Thank you for your feedback, sweetie. But naughty you… you’d better be keeping up on your schoolwork, missy!

Chummy~ Don’t worry, dear, I’m not through yet.

Lilkitty~ Thank you. I’m glad you’re enjoying the story.

witchlove aww… thank you. I thought it was cute too.

willohand Thank you, dear.

Anne~

Quote:
Very sweet, very real. Hated seeing Logan using Spencer as a pawn in her power struggle, loved seeing her begin to realise what she was doing might lose her Logan.

Your depiction of the characters and their relationships (and their thoughts on those relationships) brings them to life for me.


Thank you. I’m glad I can bring this fic to life for you. My work here is done. *swipes hands*

Sara ~

Quote:
Emms, I am so sorry that I haven't replied with feedback sooner. But now I just read the updates I missed and I have to say so cute.


It’s okay, sweetie. Life is hectic sometimes and I get that RL is more important than..uh… non RL. Teehee. And sometimes it’s better to wait for a few updates ‘cos then you get to read a good-sized chunk. That’s what I do sometimes.

TheRose

Hi there, sweetie! *waves*

Yep you’re right, Spencer is a very bright child, but I thought it was important that Tara explain things to him anyway.

Debra~ Thank you for your comments, sweetie. You’re such a great writer and your opinion means a lot.


Sacinema ~

Quote:
Even if Tara is to mild with Logan. In some ways she is even compliable to Logan. And that's what bothers me a bit. Maybe it's an after effect of Logan's abuse. It seems like Tara digged that inside herself and never tried to work up her issues. It's time she talks about it and get over it.


Very, very true.

Quote:
Logan on the other side keeps to be the moron she was before. There are some people who shouldn't have children in the first way. And Logan is one of them. But Tara is partly responsible for Logan being a Mommy, too. She talked her in to it. Maybe she didn't realize at this time that Logan is totally self centered. The way Logan is using Spencer is definitely wrong. You can't do that to a child without consequences. But Logan doesn't realize that, too. She is loosing Spencer and she is responsible for that all by herself. For Spencers's behalf I hope she'll come to her senses soon.


Again, super true. Some people simply shouldn’t be parents, and I think Logan’s demonstrated that she falls into that category. It’s worse because she doesn’t always see that her actions are hurting Spencer, and even worse, when she does see it, she doesn't seem to care all that much. At least she seemed a little guilty in the end when she brought him back to the house and gave Tara the money.

Henny

Quote:
course I wanted NC17 your driving me nuts...NUTS. I can't take it anymore...please just a few little stars ...mmm maybe a few big fireworks.


I don’t know, Henny…actually in all honesty I’ve been leaning away from the NC17 side with this story. I mean, I started out all gung ho to write something with a few smokin’ sex scenes but the further I get into it the less it’s about that. I just hope I can muster something luke-warm at this point. Heehee.

Quote:
I'm still convince there is somewhere something good in Logan


You just hold on to your opinion about Logan then, sweetie. Maybe there is some good in her after all.

ETA: Henny, since you replied about 100 times since the last update I’m just going to say a big thank you now and encompass them all in one swoop…otherwise I’d be here all day. Luv you, sweetie. THANK YOU!

Sandman ~ oooo see? Now you’ve got me all with the feelings of guilt for keeping you waiting for an update for so long. I’ll have to punish myself, appropriately, a little later.

I’m happy you liked the convo between Spencer and Tara. I felt including it was important. And I think you’ve got a good handle on the whole Logan situation. It’s easy to want to throw her to the wolves though, isn’t it?

Chris~

Quote:
Damn, tough situation all 'round - I like how Tara's not quite as standing-her-ground with Logan as we'd hope she would be. It's difficult, but it seems real - she's got plenty of baggage with Logan that she hasn't really got sorted out.

You’re so right, Chris. There’s still a lot of inner turmoil that I think she’s got to work through, yet. It’s complicated, the emotional part, and because of Spencer. I think she’ll get it all worked out in the end though. *smile*

You’re right about Logan too, I think. She’s got a lot going on in her head…and she’s not exactly the nicest person, naturally, even on her best days but she seems to be mostly aware of her shortcomings, and there’s this real sense of wanting to be a better person but not being able to grasp exactly how to do it, that I’ve been trying to put out there.

Quote:
Then there's the hitting Tara thing, and I just want to pick her up out of this story and dump her into Alcy's Sin City…


LOL

As always, thanks for the thoughtful feedback, Chris.

Watty ~

Quote:
I really like how Spencer is able to take what he has learnt / seen at school and apply it to his situation. Both in the "regular family unit" situation and in how sometimes people need time to get used to each other.


Thank you. I tried to make that bit as real as possible. There are still kids out there that can tell you all about what they learned at school and then apply it out in the real world…tho’ I think those numbers are dwindling thanks to commercial television. Lol
Quote:
grrr at Logan. But well done to Tara, she dealt with Logan's tactic of aggression, and demanding Spencer to spend the weekend with great maturity and understanding. Spencer decides, and not even Logan will have a say about that.


Amen. I think it’s time Tara did a little more of that.

Dianneswillowtree ~Update soon, sweetie. Tomorrow-ish good for you?

LittleBit~ Thank you so much, hun! Thank you for reading!

Guppy Eeeek! Drunk? It’s probably best that you don’t drink and feedback, sweetie. LOL

Kimmy S ~ That’s okay. I’m a firm believer that feedback is an elective, not a requirement. Thanks for stopping by this time, tho’!

Writerfreak ~ aww you’re sweet. Thank you. I’m happy to know that you are reading and enjoying the story.

BewitchedDyke ~ Hi there! Thank you for your comment!

Amber Addict ~ Aww no internet? That would suck. I’m glad that you can still get on sometimes tho’ and even more glad that when you do get on you spend part of your time reading this story. Rock on!

CrazyTaraWitch nice to see ya still hangin’ around, sweetie.

ShyOne :punish

I hope you’re doing well, sweetie.

Fleiss then, more you shall have.

Zampsa Thank you so much, hun.

Na Oh good. Glad to have you aboard. *smile*

And a big thank you to everyone who’s left a word of encouragement since I announced working on the next chapter.

Lilkitty
Dianneswillowtree
ShyOne
Singgirl
Kaia
Taraiswillow’ssoul
Whatmakesyouhappy
Henny
Whatmakesyouhappy (x2)
Henny (again)
Whatmakesyouhappy (x3)
lilkitty
Henny…. (jeeze girly. We need to find you something to occupy all this free time you have on your hands, friend. Just kidding! You know I luv you! )

A big thank you to EVERYONE!! You all rock!

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 10:35 am 
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13. Big Knowledge Woman
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Emms, Emms, my little gem. I truly thought I had left FB for this last update, um, how many months ago was it? But you know, at my age, the memory is the first thing to go...or is it mammary? Well, seems they're both starting to sag a little. But anyway, please accept my humble apology, and let me just say that I loved it all, but I think my favorite part was Tara's talk with Spencer about relationships and "daddy" people. That was very well done, and sweet, and very realistic. You covered it all very well. Even at Spencer's age, he seems to understand a lot. I think the fact that he does want Willow to be his daddy says a huge lot about how much he likes her, and of course, he sees how much she makes his mommy smile.

I could say much more, but then you would have to read it, which would make the next update delayed, and you know we can't have that. Thanks again for taking the time to share your stories with us. We must love you, cause it makes us smile too.

Hugs,

Wimpy

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 11:15 am 
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Ms. Moderator Fantastico
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:pinky YES........YES .............YES I will be here with bells on. :banana :eatme :banana :eatme :banana :eatme :banana :eatme

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 11:30 am 
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ETA: A few more replies.

Wimpy my dear! Welcome back. It's always good and wonderful to see you around. *hugs* Thanks for your comments, sweetie. I loved the convo between Tara and Spencer...it was actually one of the first things I wrote when I started this fic. I had it in my mind for ages. :)

Dianneswillowtree ~ Hi sweetie. Thanks for your enthusiasm. teehee.

As promised.

[center]Image[/center]

Chapter 17

all disclaimers apply

Note: This chapter focuses on some pretty serious subject matter. I wanted to be as sensitive as I could be while addressing it. Domestic abuse--abuse of any kind-- is no good. :shy

note2: this has been edited about a million times since I posted it because I keep finding all these little typos and it's driving me mad.... :gnome (just thought I'd share... :D )


Tara was in the kitchen stirring a large pot of homemade organic tomato soup when she heard the front door open and Spencer shouting exuberantly. She turned in time to see her son and a very tired looking Willow come into the small kitchen. Spencer was behind Willow, steering her into the kitchen with his hands against her back, pushing.

“Mommy, Willow’s here!” he sang out.

“Here I am,” Willow reiterated cutely. She was surprised to be greeted with such enthusiasm, not to mention a little baffled by all the unexpected attention. It was certainly the brightest spot in what had been, up until that point, a rather crappy day.

“Well, are you going to kiss or what?” Spencer asked.

Her son was looking between the two of them with wide, innocent eyes, but Tara wasn’t falling for it. “Spencer, why don’t you go clean up your toys and then wash for dinner.” She gave him her business look and he giggled behind his hand but started off, anyway.

“Okay. But don‘t kiss until I get back!”

Tara didn’t know it was possible to blush on top of a blush, but Willow’s face had turned scarlet and she thought the red head looked unbelievably cute in that particular shade of red.

They waited as Spencer hopped, literally, from view, in what was, a great impression of the Easter bunny before they finally came together.

“Hey you, wonderful-type person. I’ve missed you.” Willow nuzzled Tara’s nose and then pulled back, meeting the other woman’s gaze. Tara’s eyes looked bluer than usual.

Tara felt that some sort of explanation for her son‘s behavior was in order, “I told him about us this morning.” She smiled and nuzzled Willow’s nose.

“I can tell…” Willow giggled and leaned in to kiss Tara. Their lips met and Willow pressed closer, naturally wrapping her arms around Tara’s waist as the kiss deepened.

“So how did it go?” Willow asked, pulling away from Tara’s warm, sweet-smelling breath. She had to literally force her lips from Tara’s, with what she felt took superhuman strength. Neither of them wanted Spencer to walk in and see them tangled up in each other. It was too soon for that.

“How did what go?” Tara was a little dazed from their kiss.

“The talk with Spencer…”

“Oh, he had a few questions ‘slash’ suggestions. But he has a good handle on things now.”

“Like what kind of suggestions?”

“Nothing, sweetie. Just normal kid stuff.” She didn’t mention about Spencer asking for Willow to be his daddy. She didn’t want to freak the other woman out when there was absolutely no reason to do so. Spencer had just been putting the context between the three of them into a framework that he could understand and relate to. Logan had never really been another parent to Spencer-- she’d barely been there for him at all over the past six years, so it was all very natural that Spencer relate a “father” into the equation, after all most of his school friends had both a mother and a father. She knew he knew the word lesbian; they’d been having that talk since he was very small, but she wondered now if he understood what that really meant.

Another reason Tara refrained from saying anything was because she understood that things like this had a tendency of working themselves out. All she had to do was look at Ginny and Ellen to see that much. Tyler and Maddy had adjusted well to Ellen joining their family, which gave Tara hope that the transition with Willow would go just as smoothly. Tara knew that Spencer adored Willow, and she felt in her heart that Willow truly and honestly adored Spencer just as much.

“How did your interview go?” Tara stroked Willow’s cheek with the back of her fingers before stepping past the other woman to stir the soup that was threatening to burn. The milk she’d added needed constant stirring.
When the contents of the pot were just the right consistency she turned the gas burner to the off setting and moved the pot to another section of the stove top so that it wouldn‘t continue to cook.

“Surprisingly well.” Willow didn’t say more, instead she grazed her finger across the cake sitting on the kitchen table. She brought her finger to her lips but it was intercepted before she could taste the vanilla-y sweetness. She didn’t want to talk about Kelly, and now that Tara had the tip of the redhead’s finger in her mouth she really didn’t want to talk about Kelly.

Tara smiled at Willow‘s reaction to her more than saucy move, but went on as if nothing had happened, “You haven’t told me who you were going to interview… maybe I know her.” She was more than a little curious about the mystery artist woman‘s identity as she knew most of the local artists, personally. And Willow’s reticent to talk about it only made her that much more curious. But getting any info about the artist from her girlfriend was like pulling teeth. So she took Willow’s palm in her hand and traced her lips up the inside, biting teasingly down on the very soft, very sensitive, pad at the base of Willow’s thumb. Tara thought that with just a little more enticing Willow to tell her most anything she wanted to know. That thought sent shivers down her spine, and the way Willow was watching her made her heart beat faster in her chest. Her body grew hot under Willow’s gaze, as all thoughts of teasing vanished.

Willow was, momentarily mesmerized by the sensations racing through her. “wha--?” It was Willow’s turn to be dazed. She’d forgotten Tara’s question all together. She’d forgotten anything at all that didn’t have to do with the immediate action of Tara’s mouth on her palm.

“Maybe I know her. The artist?” Tara prompted again, she could still taste the sweetness on her tongue from Willow’s frosting covered finger, and feel Willow’s skin against her tongue, but she let the redhead’s hand drop gently. She was feeling bolder than usual, which left her grounded and more confident than usual too.

“Oh.” Willow took a breath. “I don’t want to jinx it,” She said, finding her voice at last, and skirting the question once again. For some reason she didn’t want to talk about Kelly; She didn’t want to tell Tara that she had agreed to let Kelly use her apartment as a studio while she was in Japan for the conference. And she didn’t want to have to tell Tara how the woman had flirted with her and nearly kissed her during the interview that morning. All she wanted to do was be with her girl and forget about everything that had happened that afternoon--forget everything in her life that wasn’t Tara.

Tara must have sensed how she was feeling because she leaned in and kissed Willow, pulling Willow into her body. And when she did that, all thoughts of Kelly left Willow’s mind, and when she felt Tara’s tongue push softly into her mouth, she was filed with a slow moving warmth that spread from her solar plexus all the way down to her toes like molasses from a glass pouring spout.

But Spencer had returned from his bathroom duties, and they could hear him playing in the living room, so they didn’t venture any further into that feeling of wanting each other. Instead, Tara pulled back, her arms still firmly around the back of Willow’s neck, and Willow’s hands slid up Tara’s back to her shoulders and then back down again. She rested her head heavily in the crook of Tara’s neck, nuzzling the blonde’s soft skin with the tip of her nose before pulling completely away to put some much needed distance between them.

“That was… it was really hard to stop that time,” Willow said heavily.

“I know.” Tara swallowed. Her body felt hot, and the dress she had chosen carefully for that evening clung to her curves, stuck there by the layer of perspiration that was forming on her skin.

The back of her neck felt damp under the cover of her hair. She had it pinned up but the thin hair that had fallen clung to the back of her neck in wisps. “let's eat,” Tara said, breathlessly. The sooner they ate, the sooner it would be time for their own private camp-out, and she wasn’t at all sure how much longer she could wait to have Willow in her arms. The previous night seemed like years ago, and all she really wanted was to hold Willow and to feel her bare skin against her.
_____________________________________________________________

The evening passed; They ate dinner and then washed the dishes together and then sat around the kitchen table talking. Spencer was full of energy and had been entertaining them all evening with jokes he’d made up seemingly off the top of his head. Willow was completely enthralled with his off-center sense of humor and enthusiastic commitment to each joke he told. And he seemed equally enthralled with telling them which enthralled her even more.

“Do you know how to make time fly?”

“How?”

“Throw your watch out the window!” Spencer doubled over, held his tummy, and laughed out loud.

The joke itself wasn’t that funny and Willow had the funny feeling he‘d scrambled the words around a little, but the sight of him so delighted and pleased with himself was just too cute. Willow couldn’t stop herself, and before long, she too, burst out laughing.

Tara, who’d been watching the whole exchanged without comment was looking at them with eyebrows raised. “You two are so silly” she said to Spencer, ruffling his hair.

“Mommy… Do you know how to make a pig fly?”

Tara ran her finger under her chin as if she was really thinking hard about her answer “Throw a pig out the window?” she asked finally.

“Hey! I’m supposed to say that part!…” Spencer pouted but then laughed. “By the way, that’s right, Mommy.”

“You’re funny,” Tara said. “And now it’s time for bed.”

_____________________________________________________________

“Mommy…” Spencer said as the two of them walked down the hallway toward his bedroom, “I wouldn’t really make a pig fly by throwing him out the window…”

“I know, sweetie.”

“But I could make him fly by putting him in a nice safe airplane--one with seatbelts and everything. That would be nice, wouldn’t it, mommy?”

Spencer crawled into bed and tucked his feet up under his blanket. Tara ruffled his hair. “that would be nice, little man.” She kissed his cheek and then pulled back to sit down at the edge of his bed.

“And we could go too…on the plane. You and me and Willow too if she wanted to.” Spencer yawned.

“Where would we go?” Tara brushed her son’s hair back from his forehead. But he had already drifted off and didn’t answer her.

_____________________________________________________________

“What’s this? A walk-y talk-y?” Willow put the speaker to her mouth and with a sultry look in her eyes, said; “Come in Sexy-vixen. This is red-mama. I repeat: Sexy-vixen this is Red Hot Mama-Yama. Come in. Do you read?”

“It’s a baby monitor.” Tara was barley able to suppress a giggle.

“Where’s the other end?“ Willow dropped the monitor onto the bedspread and looked up at Tara, panic-stricken. Her fun had come to an abrupt end thinking she had just unwittingly revealed to Spencer that his mother was a sexy vixen!

“Don’t worry, sweetie. He can’t hear us,” Tara said sweetly.

Willow didn’t look convinced.

“And isn’t Spencer too old for a baby monitor anyway? I mean, I know I haven’t been around that many kids in my lifetime, but I’m pretty sure that once they start conjugating their own verbs it’s a sure sign that they are too old for one of these.” Willow dangled the base of the monitor by its cord.

“I dug it out of a box in the garage. I thought we might need it tonight,” Tara explained demurely.

“A little sure of ourselves, are we?” Willow teased, grinning. It was nice to know that Tara had been thinking about making love as much as Willow had been all day.

Tara nodded, looking through her eyelashes at the red head. Now it was her turn to be sultry. She crawled onto the bed and placed the baby monitor back onto the nightstand while kissing Willow’s mouth thoroughly as she did so.

Willow responded to her kiss and the two of them fell backward on the bed with Tara on top of Willow’s smaller frame. Unfortunately the moment was interrupted by the sound of the bedside phone ringing. They let it ring the first time, but when the caller phoned again Tara gave Willow an apologetic look and moved off of her to answer it.

When Tara hung up she looked annoyed. Willow had been able to tell by the context of the conversation that the caller had been Logan and that Tara wasn’t at all too happy with what her ex had had to say, but When Willow asked her about it, Tara shrugged it off, saying she didn’t want to spoil the moment. Before she could say anything else Tara leaned across to claim Willow’s mouth with her own once again.

But it wasn’t the same. Something just didn’t feel right, and Willow found it hard to concentrate on Tara and her lips while the thought of Logan hung like a cloud over the bed, threatening to pelt them with acid-y type rain at any moment. Yet somewhere along the way her body had switched over to autopilot; she was going through the motions-- her hands cupped Tara’s supple ass, her lips devoured Tara’s soft lips, and her knee slide provocatively between Tara’s legs and up the inside of her thigh, but her brain had become preoccupied with the phone call, and her heart had become numb, except for the steady thumping in her chest.

In the interim while Willow’s brain/body was fighting to regain a connection Tara’s shirt had somehow made its way clear of her body and onto the floor. Willow’s shirt was halfway to joining Tara’s shirt on the floor when her thoughts became suddenly clear in her mind. Her body stilled against Tara’s and she cupped the other woman’s face in her palms. “Tara wait.” What she’d wanted for so long was finally happening and all she could think about was how she wanted Tara to tell her about what Logan had said on the phone--tell her about what had upset her so much.

“Y-you don’t want to?” Tara couldn’t keep the hurt from her eyes or from her voice.

“Yes I want to. I want to make love with you..” Willow stroked Tara’s cheek. “There’s just… there’s something…” She stopped, fumbling for the right words to tell Tara what she was feeling, but the right words were not there, and the only words aligning themselves up on her tongue were the few words she knew she shouldn’t say. “Tell me about Logan, Tara.”

Tara was confused. “You want to talk about Logan? Now?” Logan was the furthest thing from Tara’s mind at that moment. She had no idea about the inner turmoil spilling through Willow’s body. Tara was so used to being unnerved by Logan that she didn’t even know when it was happening anymore, and it hadn’t occurred to her that Willow could feel her and be hurt by her lack of response regarding her ex.

Tara didn’t answer her and Willow didn’t ask again. Instead, her fingers found the tiny scar on Tara’s neck and traced it with the tip of her finger. Why hadn’t she noticed before the thin scar running like a river at the base of Tara’s hairline? Her mind circled around to the possible causes of such a scar; she was so consumed in that thought that she didn’t feel Tara grow still under her touch and the silence that enveloped them.

With that simple touch Tara knew what Willow was really getting at and it had nothing at all to do with the earlier phone call. “You know, don’t you?”

Willow nodded, not trusting her voice to be steady, but then she had to know; “Why didn’t you tell me, Tara… why didn’t you say something?”

“What would you have had me say?” She was furious with Ginny for giving away her secret. She knew it had to have been Ginny because no one else knew about the terrible things that had happened between she and Logan during the course of their turbulent relationship.

Willow regretted causing the pain she saw in Tara‘s eyes. She should have let it go and simply waited for Tara to trust her enough to confide in her. But the words were already out there and there was no taking them back. “I don’t know…”

“I’m fucked up because my ex beat the shit out of me the whole time we were together? Would that have made you happy? Would that have made you want me?” Tara made a small gasping noise and covered her mouth with her fingers. Tears gleamed in her eyes when she looked at Willow. She hadn’t meant to swear. She hadn’t meant to feel such inner loathing at having been made to think about it for the first time in two years. “I-I think you should go.”

“Tara…I think we should talk about this.” Willow wasn’t ready to leave. Tara needed her, and she wanted to be there for her…to hold her. To make everything right again.

“Please. Just go.”

Tara regretted those words the instant she heard herself saying them. She didn’t really want Willow to go. She wanted her to stay. She wanted her. But Willow had gotten up and was shrugging her shoulders into her top. Willow turned to her and said something that Tara couldn’t quite understand, but she could read Willow’s eyes and they were soft and gentle. And then Willow was gone and Tara was alone.

She brought her legs up and rested her chin on her knees. Tears stung her eyes and she let them fall without wiping them. Their salty warmth wet her cheeks and she could feel them sliding down her thighs, making those wet too. Why did she tell Willow to leave? What was she so afraid of? Why couldn’t she face the truth of what Logan had put her through without the pain and the fear of remembering? Those questions berated Tara as she cried.
_____________________________________________________________

Willow sat at the kitchen table in her apartment sipping absently at the chamomile tea she couldn’t recall brewing. She’d cried the whole car ride home, and now her tears had dried, leaving streaks of tightness in their wake. She’d turned on the light over the kitchen sink, but hadn’t been able to bring herself to turn on any others. Everything except the kitchen was shrouded in an inky coating of darkness. All she could think about was Tara and the hurt she’d seen in the blonde woman’s eyes. Willow kicked herself for not just letting the phone call go--for bringing up Logan’s abuse before Tara was ready to talk to her about it.

Willow was brought up from her thoughts by the sound of knocking on her front door. She answered the door, mindless of who it might be, her thoughts were still with Tara and what had happened between them that night. How did things get so fucked up, she thought as she pulled the door open.

Willow wasn’t prepared for the sight that greeted her outside her doorway. Tara was standing there. She was holding Spencer, who was sleeping with his head against her shoulder. The little boy was in his pajamas, his sock-less feet poking out of the bottom of Tara’s jacket which covered him.

“I’m not okay.”

Those were the first words out of Tara’s mouth, and those were the words that brought Willow out of her own dazed numbness. She could see that Tara had been crying too, and she moved to help The other woman with the little boy in her arms.

They put Spencer to bed in Willow’s guest room, And then they moved to the living room. Willow waited in the living room while Tara put on the pajama’s Willow brought out of the bedroom for her. Tara changed in the bathroom, and hung her wet things over the glass shower door.

When Tara came out of the bathroom Willow found herself afraid of doing or saying something wrong so she stood there and waited for Tara to make the first move.

Tara came to her, but it was some time before Tara spoke, and then when she did it was like floodgates opening.
_____________________________________________________________

“Don’t,” said Willow, simply. She reached out and brought Tara’s hand down. There would be no censoring that night.

Tara went on, “because that’s what happened. And I let it happen. I let her do it to me. I let her make me feel like nothing.” She let out a cry of relief before the tears flooded her completely… it felt like a weight had been lifted off of her simply to say those words-- a weight that she hadn’t even known had been there. “I’m sorry I got so upset with you earlier.”

Willow was there instantly, pulling Tara into her body. Tara molded to her and let Willow hold her while she sobbed uncontrollably against Willow’s chest.

After a while Tara relaxed and her tears dried. And she said; “ I left her after the last time I couldn‘t take it anymore. I packed Spencer’s clothes and my clothes and I left.”

“What did you do? Where did you go?” Willow was stroking Tara’s hair.

Tara had her head against Willow’s shoulder, her eyes were open and she watched the clock on the wall. The second hand move rhythmically around its face, and there was only the feel of Willow’s warmth as the seconds ticked by.

“I ended up at my parents house. They have a farm in Northern California--it’s where I grew up.” Tara sighed. “I didn’t have anywhere else to go at the time. I didn’t know anyone besides Ginny, and she had her own life. I didn‘t want to intrude.” She pulled back and out of Willow’s embrace. “ They were so upset with me--” She was speaking of her parents then, “--when I made the decision to return to LA--to return to Logan--my father told me I was making a m-mistake, but I wouldn‘t listen. I was stupid. I hadn’t lived enough to know as much as I thought I knew.”

“Why did you go back?” Willow wanted to understand everything about Tara--she wanted to understand why such a beautiful, and strong woman would go back to someone that had hurt her so deeply.

“She said she loved me. She said she would never do it again. And Spencer was crying all the time, confused and not understanding why he couldn‘t go home. And I gave in because at the time I couldn’t see any other choice. I wasn‘t strong then, Willow.”

“Yes you were. You are strong and brave.” Willow was still stroking Tara’s hair, but there was something else she needed to know. “When you went back…” The words lumped in Willow’s throat, but she had to get them out. “Did she continue to…did she hurt you again?” Willow found she could barely say the words out loud, but she needed to know.

“No. But she didn’t love me. She stopped drinking, and for a little while I thought things were getting better, except that I didn’t love her either. I couldn’t love her and that caused a lot of tension between us…a-and for Spencer too. We didn’t sleep together anymore and the only interest we shared was Spencer. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for him, Willow.”

Tara’s eyes were pleading with Willow to understand and the look that she gave her was completely stripped of defenses. Tara was so vulnerable and Willow just wanted to hold her and make everything better for her.

“I know. I can see how much you love him,” Willow said, wanting Tara to know that she did understand, that she could see just how much Tara loved her son, but Tara had gotten up and had moved out of Willow’s arms to stand before the large picture window. She no longer seemed afraid of the view.

“Tell me a secret, Willow… tell me something about you that no one else in the world knows…”

“I would never hurt you.” Willow felt unbelievably small, yet immensely strong at the same time.

“I feel that.” Tara spun around to face Willow, “ I just don’t think I can let myself believe that.” There was a small ironic laugh from Tara and then she was crying. “I guess I’m more damaged than I let myself believe.” And then Willow’s arms where around her and she was crying into Willow’s shoulder again, dampening the silk of her pajama top.

“You’re not damaged. You’re scared. I know, because I’m scared too, and it’s okay.” Willow stroked the back of Tara’s hair. Part of her had been expecting this all along. How could she not be this way after what Logan had done to her.

“Why are you scared?” Tara sniffled.

“Because I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you, and I’m scared that I’ll mess everything up in some apocalyptic way; and lose you because I’m too afraid to admit that I don’t know what I’m doing.”…Willow was stunned by the honesty of her own confession…“Tara..” she started to say something else, but the words died on her lips.

“I’m sorry for the way I acted. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you about all this before now.” Tara’s voice cracked and lumped in her throat as she sobbed even harder into the warm skin of Willow’s neck.

Willow wrapped her hand warmly around Tara’s neck and pulled the other woman’s body more securely into to her own. Tara lifted her face from the safety of Willow’s warmth and, their foreheads touched.

Willow kissed her. “Don’t be sorry, baby. You have nothing to be sorry about. I should have waited until you were ready to tell me. I shouldn‘t have pushed.”

Tara’s eyes were closed, her ears still ringing from the warm endearment. She kissed Willow, wrapping her arms around the other woman’s slim waist. “ I needed to be pushed. I n-needed you to do just what you did. And now I just need you…. Make love to me.” Tara was breathless with need, and she could tell that Willow was as hungry as she was, but the other woman pulled back.

“Are you sure? What about Spencer?” Willow remembered the boy asleep in the other room.

“He sleeps like a bear. He takes after his Mommy, and right now, I don’t think I could take it if you didn’t touch me.”

“Where?” Willow asked breathily, her eyes were closed with desire.

“Anywhere. Everywhere.” Tara warm gaze bore into Willow’s skin.

“Come with me.” Willow took Tara’s hand and led her silently down the hallway and into her bedroom.

TBC

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Last edited by Emms on Tue Aug 14, 2007 10:55 am, edited 9 times in total.

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 11:31 am 
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Ms. Moderator Fantastico
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Dibs ggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I knew that Kelly was going to be bad news and now I am feeling sick because Willow kept this from Tara. Logan is dirt under Tara's feet no one should ever hurt the one they love. Willow opening herself to Tara to show her that no matter what she accepts her and loves her unconditionally it will take Tara along time to let go of the pain and angst that has been her life but I am hoping they will weather the big storm that you forecast here. I was hoping for much love making but this was a bridge they had to cross and you did an excellent job getting them to the other side. :kitty

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 12:24 pm 
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2. Floating Rose

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With this latest update...

...YOU make me smile.


:pride


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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 1:09 pm 
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:happycry I'm crying beacuse that was just beautiful Emms,please don't make Tara go through to much pain in this fic I can't take to much more hurt Tara.







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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 1:22 pm 
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Oh man, Emms. You took me on such an emotional roller coaster. I was mad (at Logan), then sad (for Tara), then horny, then crying, and then horny again. I think my head is still spinning. But I totally loved how you ended this so perfectly. "Come with me." hee hee. After all these two have been through, I think they deserve it. Can't wait for more.


Wimpy

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 12:18 am 
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Emma I love your writings. Great update. I love how true you make tara and willow. They are so truthful and caring and scared. I like that. Great story and great update againg.
:pride

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 4:47 am 
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Wow! Excellent :wtkiss I'm glad that they talked about Logan's abuse and cleared the air.

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 8:33 am 
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Great Update. I'm glad everything is out in the open. Logan is such a nasty person. Can't wait for the rest of the story!


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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 10:05 am 
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Wow, thats powerful stuff. Pulls every last heartstring taut with emotion thats for sure. The mark of a good writer is writing something beautifully whether they have or haven't gone through the circumstance. I can't say as I know whether or not you've experienced what you wrote about Logan and Tara, but you write it as if you have been there. And beautifully. Your writing will never cease to amaze me with its depth.

writerfreak :flower

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 10:39 am 
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That was intense. Thanks, Emms. Finely Tara did talk and it was like a catharsis. In the end she and Willow are ready to take their relationship to the next level. Well done. In the beginning I was astounded you didn't let us in to what exactly happened between Tara and Logan. But in the end it wasn't necessary at all. The way she reacted everything made it clear. I didn't like Logan before but now I don't like her at all. And I think Willow will be really pissed once she has some spare time to think through what Logan did to Tara. Even if she knew before about the abuse, it's really something else to know it from the source itself. Maybe she can convince Tara to get angry too – at last. It's the one feeling Tara didn't seem to feel the whole time. Maybe because of Spencer. Maybe because she thought it would make things easier for him. But in the end she needs the anger to heal her soul. She bottled everything up inside her. Now Jeannie escaped the bottle. And she is not going back. So Logan might want to prepare herself for some anger floating towards her.

Hopefully Spencer won't wake up. He will be quite unoriented waking up in Willow's guest room. Or did he once wake up during the move to Willow's apartment?

This was really one hell of an update. I so feared for both of them. Tara being so upset throwing Willow out of her bedroom. And first I didn't expect Willow to go. But in the end she made the right moves. Because Tara came back and they reconnected. Thank Emms.

I'm glad to know this story is continuing and I look forward to the next update.

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:14 pm 
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:rage Logan is always ruining everything.

I am glad Willow and Tara didn't leave things like that. They really needed to talk about things.

I am so glad to see an update on this.

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 8:11 pm 
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Emmy Pants!!!

You surprised me and I am all hectic and this is in no way the kind of proper feedback this update deserves - but I won't get back to it for another week or so... so I am going to grab the proverbial bull by the horns and take a crack now:

Feedback.

I am so *glad* that they had this talk before they made love... and things have been going so well. I am so glad that they were able to talk and so relieved that Tara feels as deeply as she does and is able to share that with Willow. This is huge.

Masterfully done, Emmy. :x

However.

It was deeply mean of you to leave us at the door step with them going off to make sweet willow / tara love.:miff

Still. Credit and *yay* on you for *totally* gripping me with angst and heart-warminess and wariness and hope and love...

Which brings me to the lil part you slipped in there where Kelly tried to *kiss* Willow - which Willow did *not* mention to Tara!

Nonononono.

Magic * Ball o' Specualtion does *not* have a good feeling about this.

:spin

These things need to be on the table.

A big no to dishonesty through omission! and and and Tara totally opened up and *also* gave Willow several opportunities to come clean and now they are on their way to a deeper intimacy and Tara is going to feel so vulnerable and raw and I think it is going to hurt her terribly.

:paranoid

I don't want Tara to feel hurt and betrayed.

I want Tara to feel supported and loved.

Help Emmy! Save them!

:cry

Way to keep me totally on the edge of my seat with this update Emmy!

:x

db

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 8:48 pm 
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fair play this updates amazing, well done! I love it, and btw, nice way to keep us hanging lol

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 Post subject: Re: You Make Me Smile
PostPosted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 12:22 pm 
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LoL Emms....Your in luck that I luv you too, my friend, if I didn't I would have to kick your tiny little butt. :kdevil

As I predicted you didn't need to be afraid of this chapter...YOU GOT TALENT!!!..you so rock!!!

Abuse is on any level wrong, emotional, physical, you name it, it's wrong!!!!!

I'm glad Willow stopped during the heat of the moment. I know we all want to see them happy and cuddling but it was too soon. Tara had to deal with her inner demons and Willow knew it. She needed to open up to them, to herself before they can move on together. Even if it hurts Willow so much that night it was the best thing Willow could have done.

Spencer is soooo cool Do you know how to make a Hen fly?”
Throw THE HENSTER out the window :paranoid .....(or just set her on a plane...less painful.)

That Kelly chick is up to no good and maybe even behind Logan's back. I think it's time for Logan to do something right for Tara and Spencer.

Emms I always thought Ginny and Ellen had a child together...am I wrong? Maybe I should read back a few chapters.

Take care mate! You make me smile!!!!!

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