Title: The Chronicles of Dopeygayland
Author: tarawhipped (Cameron)
Email:
tarawhipped@hotmail.com
Rating: R
Disclaimer: All characters are the property of Joss Whedon/Mutant Enemy.
Feedback: Always welcome.
Distribution: Please ask first.
Notes: 1. For songs sung by multiple people, I had to settle for a pseudo ‘screenplay’ format (pseudo since I don’t really know the proper way) to make it clear who was singing when. I hope it’s not too cumbersome.
2. Song credits (music/original lyrics) will be posted at the end of each chapter.
3. I tried to stick with fairly well known songs, but if anyone needs a refresher on a tune, I’m sure most, if not all of them are available on YouTube in some version or other. Due to the frequency of broken links, I’m not posting any.[br][br][br]
[center]Dopeygayland 3: The Musical![/center][br][br]
Act I, Scene 2[br][br][br]
“Hey, Will, I want to apologize for the whole almost staking you thing earlier. Not that it’s any excuse, but I think this whole Parker ordeal has me more wigged than I thought.”[br]
“Apology accepted,” Willow said immediately. “Considering the circumstances I can see why you’d be untrusty.”[br]
“But that’s just it!” Buffy exclaimed, stopping their progression down Main Street and turning to face her best friend. “I should have known it was you right away, and instead I nearly killed you.”[br]
As Buffy’s lower lip started to tremble, Willow pulled her into a quick hug.[br]
“But you didn’t,” she emphasized as they continued their patrol. “And next time you’ll be more careful.”[br]
“But what if next time it’s a real vamp and I hesitate? Or it’s not a vamp and I kill a human? I could end up like Faith. Coma Faith, not pregnant Faith,” she clarified. “This trans-dimensional stuff is really confusing.”[br]
“That’s never gonna happen, Buffy,” Willow insisted. “You just have to trust your instincts.”[br]
“I don’t know, Will. My instincts told me Parker was a great guy, not a two timing jerk. I think my instinct bone may be broken.”[br]
“I think you just need to get your confidence back. Find that one special guy just waiting to be Buffed. Or, um, something that doesn’t sound…oh, hey look, a coffee shop! I’m gonna grab a mocha. Want one?”[br]
Buffy smiled and shook her head. While Willow crossed the street to place her order, she sat down on a bench and watched the passersby. It was a beautiful clear night, and the sidewalks teemed with happy couples. Even though they were all boy/boy and girl/girl, she couldn’t help but feel wistful.[br]
“Maybe they’ve got the right idea here,” she muttered to herself as her eyes followed two ideal specimens of manhood walking past, their arms around each other. Her gaze drifted down over their rippling pecs and bulging—“oh, who am I kidding? I’m the straightest girl in Straightsville. Besides, it’s not like I have the
worst taste in men. There are tons worse out there I’ve never even considered dating.”[br][br][br]
[center]
There are Worse Guys I Could Screw Lyrics (to the tune of “There Are Worse Things I Could Do” from Grease)[/center][br]
[blockquote]“There are worse guys I could screw,
Than a selfish jerk or two.
So my dating record blows,
Like an allergetic nose.
Even I’ll admit it’s true.
But there are worse guys I could screw.[br]
I could make out with a Grak,
Or dry hump a Plish b’Flak.
Let a Q’rhol get to third,
Give a blowjob to a nerd,
Bang a chaos demon too.
Those are guys I’d never do.[br]
I could fantasize of Giles,
Work my nubile Slayer wiles.
Get all sweaty when we spar,
And then do him on a car,
Like my horny mom did…eww.[br]
I could fuck my ex boyfriend,
And not care the world would end.
Lead him down the path astray,
Fornicate his soul away,
Oh wait…been there, done it too.
So I guess that’s nothing new.
He’s the worst guy I could screw.”[/blockquote][br][br]
“Ready to go, Buff?” Willow asked.[br]
“What? Oh, right. Sure.”[br]
“Everything okay?”[br]
“Yeah. I was just thinking about Angel. You know, wondering if there’s one here.”[br]
Willow took a sip of her mocha and contemplated whether or not she should tell her friend that not only was there an Angel, but based on Faith and Anne, he was the lone straight guy in town. Considering they would be leaving soon, she decided against full disclosure.[br]
“Could be.”[br]
As they continued down the street, neither one noticed the shadowy figure lurking in the alley behind them. It wasn’t until they were almost out of sight that he emerged, staring after the blonde longingly. Several bystanders looked askance at his highwater pants, floral shirt, and porkpie hat and walked around the man in a wide arc.[br][br][br]
[center]
Buffy (to the tune of “Mandy” as sung by Barry Manilow)[/center][br]
Angel:[blockquote]“I've been brooding all my life,
Always felt I wasn't right.
A failure of a man,
A ne'er do well, it's true.
Darla came along,
Turned my life into[br]
Madness of another kind.
Killing everyone I'd find.
'Til that fateful day,
They cursed me with a soul.
They made me feel this way,
And I'll never be whole, oh Buffy.[br]
Well you came from another dimension,
Please don't say it's too late, oh Buffy.
Now there's heterosexual tension,
And I just want to date you, oh Buffy.[br]
I am an outcast, don't you see,
That no one ever looks at me.
Something in the way
You smile when you say
My name, it sounds so right.
I need you tonight, oh Buffy.[br]
Well you're here and not queer and it's hellish,
'Cause your clothes are so chic, oh Buffy.
Your boots may be cheap but they're stylish.
And I look like a geek, oh Buffy.”[/blockquote][br][br]
Several passing vamps paused as the final notes of Angel’s song trailed off.[br]
“That’s not even from a musical,” one lisped.[br]
Angel hung his head in shame. “I can’t do anything right!” he cried, sinking back into the shadows of the alley.[br]
“Well, he may not be gay, but he’s certainly the biggest drama queen in town!”[br][br]
TBC[br][br]
“There Are Worse Things I Could Do” (music and original lyrics by Jim Jacobs and Warren Casey).[br]
“Mandy” (music and original lyrics by Scott English and Richard Kerr)[br][br][br]
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This was Sound of Music Maria, not West Side Story Maria, though I will be using two songs from WSS, as it’s one of my faves. I always thought the Miami Dolphins should change their mascot to the Sharks, so that when they play the Jets they could have a halftime sing-off showdown. But I digress. I wanted to get the name thing taken care of ASAP, and hope it helps. No worries on the nudging. Guilt is a great motivator. Thanks![br]
as usually I'm rolling in my chair laughing.
hehe i love slayer tara and vamp willow!! 
hehe... and Slayer Tara, bomb! I loved the part with Vamp Willow in the closet 
