FIC - A Year of Souls

[Naeryn]

Title: A Year of Souls

Author: Naeryn

Spoilers: Only if you never knew that Willow and Tara were together. Which, honestly, if you don’t, then you’re in for a surprise on this site.

Ratings: R/NC17 – I say both because NC17 generally only refers to scenes of a sexual nature, while in here there’s rather descriptive violence as well. Or there will be.

Feedback: I will love you like you've never been loved before.

Disclaimer: The day I own Willow and Tara is the day the earth rotates backwards and hell freezes over – and all the Canadians down there start playing hockey!

*The book mentioned in this chapter, "Wicca: A Guide For The Solitary Practitioner", is an actual book, written by Scott Cunningham. Actually, it's one I'd recommend if you're interested in learning about Wicca.*

Notes: Please be warned, this is an incredibly angsty piece, much as it’ll wind up with a happy ending. I’ve added an element to Tara that you may not all like, but it’s rather crucial to the way I’m developing the connection between the girls. So if you can’t handle a little descriptive violence accompanied by extreme self-deprecation, if you catch my drift at all, then you probably shouldn’t be watching Buffy in the first place.

~

        The redhead let out a yell. “Watch where you’re going, rude-o!” She huffed and bent over to pick up the books that had been knocked out of her hands by the young man who’d bumped into her. Why is everyone in such a rush? He could have at least said sorry… her thoughts trailed off as she caught a glimpse of a silky smooth hand holding out a book. Wicca: A Guide For The Solitary Practitioner. She winced. Sure, she lived on a center of supernatural energy where eighty five percent of the people died under the age of thirty from neck trauma and extreme blood loss, but that didn’t mean everyone was necessarily open-minded. But then, maybe the title had gone unnoticed. She grabbed the last book off the floor and looked up into cool, crystal-blue eyes.

~

        The blond sighed wistfully. She’d seen this girl around campus. Beautiful with bouncy, shoulder-length red hair, and those cute little shirts that seemed so very, very random. She’d also seen her with a boy. She’d never gotten close enough to overhear conversation, and so didn’t know their names – but it was unmistakable. The cute, smiling redhead had a boyfriend – she’d seen them kissing.

        Suddenly a yell jolted her out of her reverie. She’d been watching that redhead, lost in wishful thinking, but came back to awareness when she saw books scattered on the hallway floor and the beautiful girl shaking her head. She took a deep breath. The opportune moment… she knew she could never be anything more to this girl, but the blond didn’t think she could handle another moment without at least knowing her name. So, she plucked up her courage and stepped forwards.

        A book caught her eye. Wicca: A Guide For The Solitary Practitioner. She blinked a couple of times. The only “Wiccans” she’d seen on campus had been complete fluffs, reading little, if anything, and that likely by someone like Ravenwolf. She smiled; maybe this girl was a real Wiccan. A real witch? She picked up the book and a few of the loose papers and held them out, smiling crookedly at the redheaded goddess before her. She gasped almost audibly – and kicked herself for it inwardly – as their eyes met.

~

        Reaching out and taking the book, the redhead smiled, her tongue poking through her teeth just a little. “Hey, thanks. Everyone seems to be in such a rush. The guy didn’t even stop to say sorry. Didn’t even yell sorry over his shoulder as he was rushing. I mean, is that really too much to ask? Just a simple, ‘hey, sorry!’ as you’re rushing on by? Like, if five seconds is going to be that big a deal to wherever you’re going, you’re probably screwed already, and I think it’s only fair to tell you that I babble, and I do this a lot, and it’s generally best if someone stops me otherwise I’ll forget to breathe and start to turn blue…” she trailed off and took a breath. “Er… Hi. I’m Willow.” She blushed a little. What's up today, Will? What’s with the babble-fest? She cursed herself in her head.

        The blond held out her hand, then withdrew it, realizing that both of the redhead’s – Willow’s – hands were full. “T-Tara.” She bit her lip, wincing at her stutter. One word. How hard is one word?! … Willow. What a pretty name… it suits her. Willow.

        Willow smiled and grunted a little, shifting her stack of ten or so books and loose papers to ease the strain on her arms. “Nice to meet you.”

        Tara’s eyes flew open. “Oh! Are you g-g-going back t-to your r-r-room? If you a-are, I’ll help you c-c-carry some b-books. Those l-look heavy.” Willow shook her head, then nodded, then shook her head again.

        “Er… well, I’m going to my room now, but it’s okay. You don’t have to, I mean, it’s only a short walk from here.”

        Tara smiled a lopsided grin. “It’s n-no problem. I i-insist.” Not leaving any room for objection, she took half the pile and fell into step beside Willow. “Where t-to?” What am I DOING?!

        Willow smiled. Tara has a resolve face! That’s so cute! Hey, wait… is that what people think when they see MY resolve face? ‘Cause they’re supposed to think ‘ooooh, Willow’s not taking no!’ not ‘Awww, I think I’ll indulge her this time…’ and now I’m babbling in my head. Today is a weird, weird day… Willow shook her head, realizing that the blond girl was now beside and slightly behind her, and looking at her expectantly.

        “Oh, uh… this way.”

~

        Tara sighed and flexed her arms, watching Willow do the same. She looked at her appraisingly for a moment. Yes, she was just as beautiful up close. More so, if that was even possible. Her eyes lingered a moment on the redhead’s breasts, and a moment longer on her lips. Deciding that this wouldn’t do, she couldn’t let herself be attracted to a straight girl – let alone a straight girl as sweet and beautiful as this one, who would never be interested in her even if she liked girls that way – she broke the silence.

        “W-Wicca?”

        Willow looked over at her and blinked a couple of times. “Hmm? Oh, the book. Yeah, I… well, I kinda got interested… I mean, it’s nothing really serious…”

        Tara looked crestfallen. Another dabbler. “Oh.”

        Willow did a double-take. The girl sounded distinctly disappointed. “You’re not freaked out by it?”

        Tara fixed her gaze on Willow’s nose, refusing to meet her eyes fully, knowing that would lead nowhere they needed to be at that time. Or her, anyway. The beautiful woman before her would probably be completely unaffected by her own dull blue eyes… but her green ones were just… stunning. She shook her head. Pull yourself together, Tara! Answer the girl! She shook her head. “N-no. I p-practice.”

        Willow’s eyes widened happily and Tara couldn’t resist looking into them. Captivated, she fought to focus on what the redhead was saying instead of the way the light shone in the sparkling green eyes, gave them incredible depth. If she wasn’t mistaken, she saw something else there. A hint of a long-hidden pain… she shook her head and refocused. This isn’t some fairy tale! Yes, that’s it, the pain in her eyes that only you can heal… Tara scoffed inwardly at her little fantasy.

        “…I mean, I haven’t been looking into it long, just since last year. Oz keeps saying that I should take it really slow. I mean, I know he worries about me, but… what?” Willow paused mid-babble, seeing Tara’s furrowed brow.

        “O-Oz?”

        “Oh. My boyfriend… I think.” She shrugged. “He’s been spending a lot of time in places not here lately. I kinda miss him. A lot of people say I’m weird for dating him, ‘cause he doesn’t seem to show a lot of emotion. But really, you just have to know how to read the guy.”

        Tara nodded absently. Boyfriend. I knew it. “Hey, um… I should g-go. I’d like to t-t-talk more, but I have c-class…” she trailed off.

        Willow nodded, disappointed. She realized she’d been doing most of the talking – or all – and figured she was boring the frilly heck out of the girl. “Okay. Here, here’s my number. If you ever feel like getting a cup of coffee or something, give me a call.” She smiled warmly. She wasn’t really sure why she just gave a complete stranger her number, especially considering the fact that it was Sunnydale, but she felt compelled to do so… and didn’t really want to fight the compulsion.

        Tara nodded, taking the slip of paper, and without another word, clutched her own single textbook to her chest and hurried out of the room.

Edited by: Naeryn at: 4/23/05 12:05 am

[Viximon]

Awww. That was a cute introduction. A pity Oz still is Willow's boyfriend somehow...

THe fic looks nice, keep it up

[MissKittys Ball O Yarn]

OH THE HORROR!! Willow's still with Oz and it's only one update in and Tara's hopes are already dashed. Poor thing.... I can definitly sense that Oz is on the way out though...cause with the spending a lot of time that's elsewhere....I just hope it's soon.



on a less tearful note...This story is very interesting, I hope you continue with it.



xoxo

Emms

To the smut! ~ Me

[Naeryn]

Viximon - Somehow? Beginning of season four, my friend. But don't worry. Veruca will make her appearance soon enough... leading to an interestingly tense moment between Willow and Tara, to be sure. I'm glad you like!



MissKittys Ball O Yarn - Tara's hopes are dashed, yes. But that's the great thing about Fanfic. I get to play God (or Willow) and ressurect them.

---

Title: A Year of Souls

Author: Naeryn

Spoilers: Only if you never knew that Willow and Tara were together. Which, honestly, if you don’t, then you’re in for a surprise on this site.

Ratings: R/NC17 – I say both because NC17 generally only refers to scenes of a sexual nature, while in here there’s rather descriptive violence as well. Or there will be.

Feedback: I will love you like you've never been loved before.

Disclaimer: The day I own Willow and Tara is the day the earth rotates backwards and hell freezes over – and all the Canadians down there start playing hockey!

*Several of the invented words/phrases (Mooch me comes to mind) are my own. Feel free to steal them in whatever way you choose.*

Notes: Coffee is an amazing invention, isn't it?

~

        Willow looked at the stack of textbooks on her bed. She couldn’t just leave them there, Buffy would be all over her with the teasing and the laughing… she picked up a couple of them and carried them over to the desk, sorting them by subject into different slots and stacks and compartments. Grabbing her laptop, she tucked it under her arm and headed for the door.

        One hand on the doorknob, she paused. She looked at the phone, almost longingly, then shook her head. Why am I thinking about calling her already? I don’t even have her number, so it’s not like I even could. She shook her head, then turned and headed out the door. Mocha-y goodness, here I come!

~

        Tara kept her head down, clutching her own book tightly to her chest as she walked towards the door to Stevenson Hall. She gave you her number. The adorable redhead gave you her number. Goddess, you have the redhead’s phone number. Willow…What a beautiful name. Willow. Willow’s phone number… She blinked a few times as her vision started to swim.

        She pushed her way outside and stumbled a little along the bike path, heading towards her own dorm building. She wasn’t sure why she was acting shy now, there wasn’t anyone around. Still she dropped her head so her hair framed and hid her face from view. She hadn’t lied, exactly. She had class… it just wasn’t for another hour and a half. So how was it that she was here, walking along the bike path, away from Willow, from the woman she’d admired for three and a half weeks now, almost since the beginning of the semester, when all she wanted to do was drop her book, turn around, run back to her and cover her with kisses? You know why, you fool. She’s straight. Even if she wasn’t, do you honestly think she’d be interested in you? No one’s ever been before, why the hell would that change now? Just because she’s even more beautiful than any other girl you’ve ever been interested in, and straight to boot?

        Tara let out a loud sigh. Her dorm loomed ahead. She knew what she’d do now… she’d go into her room. She’d… she shook her head. Then she’d lie there for an hour before she tugged down her sleeves and skirt and grabbed her psych book again and headed out to pretend that all was right with the world. Like everything was always right with the world, when really, it never was.

~

        “Hey, Will! Long time no you buying me a cappuccino!”

        Willow rolled her eyes. “Hey Xander. Isn’t it a little early to be all moochy?”

        “Nah. Early for college going girl maybe, but if you hadn’t noticed, it’s three in the afternoon. Plenty late enough for moochage.” He grinned and held out his hand. “So. Mooch me.”

        Willow laughed brightly. “Mooch me? Yet another brilliant phrase from mister Harris, huh?” She shook her head and fiddled around in her purse. She handed him three bucks. “Here. Go Cappuccinoize.” She found it kind of annoying the way he always begged off her and Buffy, but she shrugged it off. After all, he didn’t have a particularly reliable source of income as of yet, he was bouncing back and forth between minimum-wage jobs, through no fault of his own. You could never really be secure with a McJob like that. So she bore it, knowing he’d supply what was needed for her and for Buffy when he could.

        Five minutes later, Xander came bouncing back, coffee in hand, to further distract the redhead from her computer screen. “So. Don’t you have, like, class or something? I mean, not that I don’t wanna hang, I’m always up for some good Willow talking, or hanging, or possibly hacking into government files, but doesn’t psych start at three thirty? You’re fifteen minutes from campus. And it’s a big campus.”

        Willow paused a moment, then checked the little clock in the corner of her computer screen. It did, in fact, read three-oh-two. “Oh, jeez… you’re right, Xand. Walsh time.” She trailed off and her eyes half-focused somewhere past Xander’s head. He waved his hand in front of her eyes and snapped his fingers, trying to bring her back to reality.

        “Uh, Will? Something on your mind?”

        “Oh, no. I just met this girl today, when this guy bumped into me and knocked all my books all over the place. Wasn’t totally the guy’s fault, I mean, it was an awkward load, but he could have said sorry at least. Anyway, she carried some of them back to… What?”

        Xander blinked. “Merciful Zeus Will, how many books did you have?”

        “Only about… well… sort of… maybe… well, eleven texts, two workbooks and a stack of papers, but that’s not the point! Anyway, she had her own book and I noticed it was a psych text. I was just wondering if she’s in Walsh’s psych 101 class, and if she is, why I haven’t noticed her before.”

        Xander shook his head at his friend’s seeming obsession with school. Then he looked up, grinning. “Oooh, Will. Got a crush?”

        Willow fixed Xander with a deathglare to end all deathglares. “No, Xander. Get your mind out of the gutter for once, would you? She just seemed nice, and really shy. Probably doesn’t have many friends…”

        “Hey, Will, if you wanna dabble in the love that dare not speak it’s name, I’m not going to stand in your way. In fact, if you need someone to talk to about it…” he leaned in. “I’m ALL ears.”

        Willow just rolled her eyes, closing her laptop and fighting the urge to smack Xander upside the head. “Right, Xander. You have fun with that. Anya’ll be real pleased.”

        Xander just swallowed. “Uh, I meant, about, like, emotion stuff. Not, like… yeah. Okay. Bye Will.” He quickly got up and walked away before she could go through with her not-so-subtle threat.

        The redhead laughed and shook her head, carrying the last of her chocolate-overload mocha with her as she headed back to the campus, hopefully in time to not be late for psych. She hated being late with a fiery passion.

~

        Tara gripped the cuffs of her long sleeves, pulling them as far down over her hands as she could. Her arms were wrapped tightly around the same book she’d been carrying before, the psych text. She knew she was early – she hated being early – but she couldn’t resist. The redhead – Willow – was in the class. She sat down in the fifth row, near the aisle, next to a blond girl who didn’t seem all that interested in psychology because she kept drifting off to sleep. Or just acting really weirdly. Now that she knew her name, maybe… maybe they could talk before class started.

        She hurried in, almost tripping over the hem of her long skirt as she did so. She straightened and blushed, hoping no one had seen. Casting a glance around the room, Tara realized Willow hadn’t arrived yet. She checked her watch. She wasn’t that early, only five minutes. Willow was always here at least ten minutes early, she knew. She shrugged to herself. Maybe she’d gotten distracted with… the blond let out a sigh and hurried up to the top of the room to take her seat. She sat behind a really tall guy. She liked it that way, because she could lean just a little to the side and get a great view of Willow, but she never got called on to answer questions.

        Her attention focused on the entrance just as the redhead walked in, followed by her friend, the blond girl she always saw her with, and who sat next to her, and, Tara suspected, the person who slept in the second bed in Willow’s dorm room. Tara smiled a lopsided grin. She may never be able to be anything to this girl… but goddess, did she love to watch her.

~

        Willow walked into the classroom, relieved that she wasn’t too late. She’d bumped into Buffy at the dorm room they shared. The blond girl was just a foot or so behind her. “I don’t know if she’s in this class, Buffy, but I think…”

        “Will, why does it matter so much? You gave her our number, right? So if she wants to hang, she’ll call. Then comes the hanging, and the spending of the time… this isn’t hard, you know the drill.”

        “I know, but… well, I’m not sure she’ll call. It’s just that she seemed so shy. I mean, like me before I met you. If someone had given me her phone number then, even if I’d wanted to call, I wouldn’t have. I would have sworn to you that it was a set up and they were gonna laugh at me or something.” Willow sighed. “And I just really want her to call. I don’t even really know why.”

        Buffy rolled her eyes. “Taking the shy girl under your wing? Aren’t you being a little jump-the-gun-y? I mean, maybe she’s just shy at first and she’s actually some crazy wild woman with tons of friends who gets drunk and parties every weekend.”

        “I don’t know, maybe, but somehow I doubt… oh, hey!” Willow’s eyes caught a flash of blond hair in the very back row, and closer inspection – as close as could be, given the distance – revealed that it was, in fact, the girl she’d met just an hour and a half ago. Was it really that recent? Willow thought to herself. It feels like longer…

        “Hey? Hey what?” Buffy’s voice snapped Willow out of her babblish musings.

        “That’s her.” The redhead pointed up at the girl. “That’s Tara. Huh.”

        “What?”

        “It’s just that no one ever sits in the back row… hey, Buffy, would you mind sitting alone today? I want to go say hi, and I think I’m gonna sit up there.”

        The other girl rolled her eyes again. “No problem, Will.” With a faint laugh to herself, Buffy made her way to her own seat, prepared to try once again to pay attention to Professor Walsh, knowing, somehow, that she’d fail yet again, and wind up dreaming of Parker. Or maybe Riley? He made one cute TA, after all…

        Willow made her way up to the back row, keeping her eyes on Tara the whole way. When she got within a few feet, she smiled. “Hey. Tara, right? Mind if I sit here? Today’s class is supposed to be all boring, and I don’t really feel like listening to Buffy extolling the virtues of Parker Abrahms for the next hour.”

        Tara looked up at her apprehensively. Why did she come up here? What if she sees? Rather than letting her fears show, however, she shook her head, a nervous smile on her lips. As Willow sat down, she tightened her arms around herself. After a moment, she broke the silence. “P-Parker?”

        Willow giggled. “Yeah. This guy Buffy’s been seeing for all of a week now. She’s practically smitten. It’s usually cute, but can get irritating after awhile, when you have… other… things on your mind.” She shrugged, not sure how to explain what she meant. Not even sure what she meant.

        Tara nodded. “I’ll b-bet.” Willow giggled. That’s so cute!

        “So you, um, r-really like psych?” Tara wondered why she felt so compelled to start up a conversation with the girl who now sat next to her. Very closely next to her.

        “It’s fascinating. I mean, the brain is so complex, even that of a baby, and once you throw the nurture element in there…” she stopped talking, realizing that Tara was watching her with a half-amused expression on her face. “Uh… yeah. I like psych.”

        Tara smiled and turned to face the class – or pretended to.

        For the next hour the two sat, the only ones in the back row, in companionable silence as Professor Walsh talked on about the ID, Ego, and Superego. Towards the end, Willow turned to face Tara again. She didn’t notice the blond girl’s eyes dart away – she’d been watching the redhead almost the entire class.

        “Hey, want to go out and get some coffee sometime after class? I’m pretty busy today and tomorrow, but I’m free on Thursday. Around four?” Willow grinned.

        Tara couldn’t refuse. “Um… o-o-okay.”

[Safuega]

Nice start to an interesting story. I know you promised angst but so far I'm chuckling quite a bit with these two parts. I had to laugh when I read this:

Quote:

---

“Nah. Early for college going girl maybe, but if you hadn’t noticed, it’s three in the afternoon. Plenty late enough for moochage.” He grinned and held out his hand. “So. Mooch me.”

---

On another note, why do I get the feeling that poor Tara feels so lonely and is in so much emotional pain that she is cutting herself? I may be wrong but I just got that feeling when I read these two things:

Quote:

---

She knew what she’d do now… she’d go into her room. She’d… she shook her head. Then she’d lie there for an hour before she tugged down her sleeves and skirt

---

Quote:

---

Why did she come up here? What if she sees?

---

Again, nice start. I hope to read more.



Safuega

[Viximon]

Oh! So Veruca will make apperance? Cool! I mean, bcause this way Willow and Tara...Tara and Willow...you get me, don't you?



Ey! mochie date? I like it. Look forward to it though I will like better a s-mochies date



Keep it up the fic

[Naeryn]

Okay, I can't remember who did the posting, and I don't really have anything specific to say, so I'm just going to thank you two randomous people for the feedback!

[hr]
Title: A Year of Souls
Author: Naeryn
Spoilers: Only if you never knew that Willow and Tara were together. Which, honestly, if you don’t, then you’re in for a surprise on this site.
Ratings: R/NC17 – I say both because NC17 generally only refers to scenes of a sexual nature, while in here there’s rather descriptive violence as well. Or there will be.
Feedback: I will love you like you've never been loved before.
Disclaimer: The day I own Willow and Tara is the day the earth rotates backwards and hell freezes over – and all the Canadians down there start playing hockey!
*I do not own the song Dante’s Prayer. I did not invent the “I Leave Bite Marks” shirt – though I do own one. I do not own Ben’n’Jerry’s ice cream. All but two words and the last line of the conversation between Willow and Parker is dialogue lifted from the show.*
Notes: I love Willow's shirt...

*****

Willow smiled over at Buffy, then turned back to her closet. She reached in and tugged down a shirt with a grin. “I love this shirt.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Oh Will, not again…” she trailed off as Willow turned around, now wearing a black tee shirt with white writing across the chest. “Come on, isn’t that joke getting old?”

“But Buffy, it’s so perfect for Sunnydale! Come on, ‘I Leave Bite Marks’! It’s genius!” Willow grinned brightly, tugging on her jeans. She loved those jeans, they had three little buckles on each pant leg, going around the outside, and something like a kick pleat in the back that was dark red and velvety.

Buffy sighed. “Yes, it was funny the first fifty times you showed me. I think even Xander’s getting tired of that one, Will. Besides, technically YOU don’t leave bite marks.” Buffy paused and held up her hand, seeing Willow about to speak. “And I’d like to keep that opinion intact, thanks.”

Willow shut her mouth, knowing she didn’t really have anything to say but that Buffy would assume. She laughed. “And Oz, you know, I’m not sure the wolf entirely…”

Buffy covered her ears exaggeratedly and started humming loudly, and Willow burst out laughing again.

The redhead knelt down and tugged on her boots, then turned and stood up again.

Buffy chose that moment to fire one back. “Of course, you know, my ex… he really DID leave bite marks.” She ran her finger over the two puncture scars on her neck.

Willow rolled her eyes. “Right. Leaving now.” She turned and grabbed her jacket from the hook by the door. “Want me to pick up anything on my way back?”

Buffy shook her head, still giggling. “No, I’m good. Xander’s coming over in a bit and bringing pizza. We’re going to watch lame movies and gorge ourselves on popcorn.”

Willow nodded. “Good old Xander.” She was two steps out the door when she turned back. “I probably won’t be back until latish. I’m going to head up to the library to study after coffee.”

Buffy laughed. “Don’t you always?”

*****

Willow knocked on Tara’s door, and it swung open a moment later. “Hey Tara!” Willow smiled and lifted her hand in greeting.

“H-hey.” Tara stopped for a moment, then backed up. “C-come in. I’m almost r-ready to g-g-go.” She walked over to her bed and sat down, sticking her feet into calf-high lace up boots.

Willow walked in, smiling. “Pretty music. Who is she? She sounds sort of… Celtic-y.”

Tara smiled. “L-Loreena McKennitt. She’s C-Canadian. This song is D-Dante’s Prayer.”

Willow looked confused for a moment. “The guy from the video game?”

Tara blinked at her, dumbfounded. “You d-don’t know Dante? The D-Divine Comedy?”

Willow blushed. “Sorry. Spending too much time with Xander… yeah. Inferno guy.” She grinned. “Though, I imagine he didn’t actually get called that.”

Tara shook her head, lacing up the other boot. “P-probably not.”
Willow closed her eyes and tilted her head back, listening to the music.

When the mountain rose before me
From the deep well of desire
From the fountain of forgiveness
Beyond the ice and the fire
Cast your eyes on the ocean
Cast your soul to the sea
When the dark night seems endless
Please remember me…

Tara looked up and over at Willow, and her breath caught. The glow from the little lights that hung around her walls reflected off her hair, giving it an almost halo-like image. Her lips were slightly parted and her neck exposed. Tara looked away quickly. How can I do this? How can I sit with her and pretend like I don’t want to touch her, kiss her…? Because you have to. You have to. She took a deep breath and looked over again. Willow had returned to a normal pose.

“It’s really beautiful… but so sad. Though, I guess, looking at the lyrics of the songs I listen to, Evanescence, Nightwish and all that…” Willow grinned. “Ready to go now?

Tara nodded and forced a smile. Standing quickly, she let her skirt fall down, covering the boots to her ankles and straightened her long top. It was one of her favorites, big wide angel sleeves. She loved sleeves like that.

Willow looked her up and down, smiling. “You look great today.”
Tara blushed and ducked her head, letting her hair cover her face. “Y-you too.” Quietly, she followed the redhead out the door.

*****

Willow wrapped her hands around the steaming mocha and took a long drink. “Mmm. Mocha-y goodness.” She grinned. “So… I haven’t seen you around much. Do you not go out a lot? Of course, that might be because I don’t go out a lot. I’m mostly in my room studying, or hanging at Giles’ or Xander’s. Sometimes I go to the Bronze, but not very often anymore. Oz is usually out of town doing band stuff, and Buffy’s all busy obsessing over Parker, so…” she trailed off. “Sorry. You really should stop me when I do that.”

Tara smiled. “I t-think it’s c-cute.” Suddenly she ducked her head, letting blond tresses hide her face. I can’t believe I just said that!

Willow reached out and slipped two fingers under Tara’s chin. “Hey, don’t do that. If you look down and away like that, no one can see your pretty face. I guess that would kind of be your point, but I can’t imagine why…” She paused, considering. “Actually, I can.”

The other girl looked up sharply. Until then she’d been pressing against Willow’s hand, trying to keep her head down. Now she met the redhead’s eyes. “What? What do you m-mean?”

“Oh, I used to be really shy. Total nerd. My hair was down to here,” She held her hand up to just below her modest bust, demonstrating to Tara the length of her hair when she’d first met Buffy. “And I used to hide behind it all the time. Of course, it didn’t help having Cordy constantly making cracks about the softer side of Sears.” She shook her head.

“C-Cordy?”

“Cordelia Chase. Sunnydale High’s resident bitch queen and leader of the popular group.” She grinned. “I was the secretary and co-president of the We Hade Cordelia Club. She kind of fell in popularity after she started dating Xander though. That hurt, I had a huge crush on him at the time. Well, actually for that time and pretty much since we were five and pretended to be married all the time.”

Tara nodded, looking a little downcast. “So when did that c-change?”

“Hmm?” Willow looked confused for a moment. “Oh, the shy thing? Well, first when Buffy showed up. I remember the first time she came up and talked to me, then Cordelia showed up, and asked if she was actually hanging out with the ‘nerd squad’… at least I think that’s what she said. Something like that. Anyway, I was all quick to point out that there was no hanging at all, in any way… that kinda changed.” She grinned again.

Tara smiled. “It’s g-good that you and she are so c-close.” For a moment her eyes clouded over with poignant longing. I wish I could have that with someone… anyone.

Willow nodded. “What about you? Don’t you have any close friends?”

“N-not really. I sort of k-keep to m-m-myself.” She blushed and looked down and away again, clearly embarrassed.

Willow just smiled and sipped at her mocha some more, deciding to let it go. Why is she so alone here? She’s such a sweet person; I wonder why she doesn’t seem to have many friends. And why is she so terribly shy? She sighed, resolving to get to know this girl better.

Meanwhile, across the table, Tara drank slowly from her tea. I wish she wouldn’t do that. Pretend to be all interested in me. I hate it when people do that; they get all chummy then ditch me… So why can I not help but trust her?

*****

Willow walked into the dorm room at eight that night. After Tara had left for her Art Appreciation class, Will had stayed at the Espresso Pump to study. She’d gotten a little into some of the online occult sites and hadn’t noticed the time until the owner came over to kick her out. She grinned. Now she knew that Tara liked mochas as much as she did.

Now she set her laptop down on the desk and stretched. She knew that Buffy had the night off from patrolling. She grinned. Probably out with Parker. She sighed and quickly stripped down, tugging on a slightly-too-small tank top and a pair of loose pajama bottoms, silver stars on a lilac background. She grabbed her toiletry kit from the desk near where she’d put her laptop and headed out to the bathroom. She’d already studied plenty, and so figured she’d call it an early night.

*****

Tara stumbled into her room and closed the door behind her. After leaving the coffee shop – she’d said she had a class, but really she just couldn’t stand to spend any more time with the redhead – she’d gone for a walk. A very long walk. She had to sort out what she was thinking and feeling. First that she was attracted to Willow. Second that no matter what she’d learned from being betrayed so often, she couldn’t help but trust her. She sighed and slumped against the door.

Back braced against the thin, fake wood, she slid to the floor, head in hands. Even if she hasn’t figured out yet that she wants nothing to do with me, she will soon…Tears began to fall. Tara leaned forwards a little, crouching on the balls of her feet. She pulled her long skirt up over her thighs and reached forward, fumbling around underneath her bed, almost frantic.

*****

Willow yawned awake and rolled over, looking at the clock. Ten am. She looked past the clock. There was a lump of Buffy in the next bed. As her body shifted into awake-mode, she realized that the lump was crying. “Buffy…?” She flung the covers off and walked over to Buffy’s bed.

She sat down on the edge, resting her hand on her friend’s shoulder. “Buffy? What’s up?”

The blond clenched her hand, fighting back her tears. “P-Parker. He… We…” She choked a little. Willow got up and grabbed a bottle of water from the little fridge in their room. She went and sat back down, passing Buffy the water. “We slept together. Last night.”

Willow grinned. “That bad?”

Buffy glared at her. “Not now Will, please.”

Willow grimaced and looked chastised. “Sorry Buff. So what happened then?”

“He… This morning. He told me it was fun and… kicked me out.” She squeezed her eyes shut, rolling over again.

Willow’s eyes widened in shock, then narrowed in disbelief and anger. “He did WHAT? Slimebucket!” She leaned over, embracing the Slayer.

*****

Willow stopped outside the Grotto. Parker was in there, she knew, and she wouldn’t make any sense if she didn’t figure out what she was going to do first. One thing was for sure, she’d do more than a little raking-across-the-coals of the moron. She could take her time too, Xander was sitting with Buffy and doing the best friend comfort thing. Now she had to go and do the best friend yell at the moron thing. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, willing herself to calm down. She stepped inside the Grotto, down the stairs and looked over, her eye catching Parker immediately. She walked over and stood next to him, facing him.

Parker looked up. “Hey. Did you want something?”

Willow glared. “Yes. I wanted to give you a piece of my mind. I’m tired of you men and your… manness. Buffy’s really hurting right now. In fact, she’s in need of a big mental tidy. Parker, how could you do this to her?” Her voice softened a little towards the end, genuinely trying to understand where he was coming from.

Parker fought the urge to roll his eyes. This could be fun, after all. “I don’t get what you mean. What did I do?”

Willow sighed. “She shared something very intimate with you, and you act like it’s nothing more than a bag of… some kind of snack food.”

“Willow, I’m not sure I need to explain my actions here, but if that’s what you want…” he shook his head, trailing off.

“Yes. Followed by an admission of undeniable guild. But go on.” She put on her resolve face and sat down across from him.

“Some relationships center on a deep emotional tie. Or a loyal friendship… or something. But most are just two people passing through life enriching or aggravating each other’s lives briefly.” He took on an attitude of indulgence.

Willow seemed to soften a little. “Go on.”

“Just for one night, can’t two people who feel an attraction come together and create something wonderful? And then go back to their lives the next day, better for it but never over analyzing it or wanting it to be more than it was? I have. She should too.”

“People like Buffy… a-and me, assume that intimacy means friendship and respect. People shouldn’t have to ask first if you’re going to be eyeing other prospects tomorrow.” Willow was sounding indignant again.
“People shouldn’t have to preface casual sex with ‘just so you know, I’ll never grow any older with you’. It takes the fire out of it.

“…Maybe.”

“Willow, I don’t regret what happened, or what we did. But I am sorry that Buffy’s hurting, and if I mislead her then I’m sorry for that too. I didn’t mean to. I’m impressed that you care so much about her. You’re a good friend.” He paused. “Hey, these seats aren’t very comfortable. Come on, those couches are free now.” He gestured to a couple of red sofas in the corner that had just been vacated.

As he sat down, Parker smiled. “I don’t mean this in a bragging way, but I do get to know a lot of women.”

Willow nodded, also taking a seat. “Well… getting to know people is good.”
“But I haven’t found the one yet. I’ve yet to find the girl that I can just sit with. Feel totally at ease. Feeling whatever’s on my mind. Or even sit with comfortably in silence.” He shot Willow a meaningful look. “Willow, can I tell you something kinda private?”

Willow seemed to consider. “Okay. I mean, I feel you’ve shown me a perspective I haven’t really thought much about before. What was it you wanted to tell me?”

Parker smiled. “Just that I’ve enjoyed talking to you. Here. Tonight.”

Willow smiled back. “Me too. I mean, with you. You know, I’m wondering something. About you.”

Parker smiled. This is it…”What?”

Willow stood up and backed off a little, laughing. “Just how gullible do you think I am? I mean with your gentle eyes and your shy smile and your ability to talk openly only to me!” Her voice took on a mocking tone. “You’re unbelieveable!”

Parker looked stunned. “What?”

Willow rolled her eyes. “This isn’t sharing, this isn’t connecting.” I feel more connection to Tara than I do to you, you moron! Wait, why am I thinking about Tara now? This is about Parker. Stupid, moron Parker! She took up her rant again. “It’s the pleasure principle. That’s right, I got your number, ID boy. The only thing you’re thinking about is how long it’ll be before you can jump on my bones!”

Parker sighed, attempting to recover his stride. “Look, if you think that I’m…”

Willow cut him off, pleased with herself. “I mean, you men. It’s all about the sex! You find a woman, drag her to your den, do whatever’s necessary just as long as you get the sex. I tell you, men haven’t changed since the dawn of time!” She fixed Parker with another glare and snatched up her purse. “And don’t think I won’t tell everyone I meet about you, slimebucket!” She shot back over her shoulder as she stormed out.

*****

Willow knocked on Tara’s door, smiling as it opened. “Hey.”

Tara looked a little stunned, then backed up a few steps, opening her door wider for Willow to walk in. She looked around, taking in the softly toned room. “Wow. Nice room. Makes mine feel all hospitaly.” It was all done in shades of purples, reds and browns, with a pretty white lacy thing over the top of Tara’s bed. Willow closed her eyes for a moment. She would have sworn she could feel a sort of calmness in this room. It just felt right. She shook her head and opened her eyes.

“So, hey. I know it’s kind of late, but I just told this guy that I’d warn everyone on campus about him, ‘cause he’s a total slimebucket, and figured I’d start with you. He’s a total slimebucket.”

“S-so I hear. W-who’s a s-slimebucket?” Tara couldn’t help but smile at Willow’s choice of word to describe whoever it was.

“Jerky Parker Abrahms, that’s who.” Willow grumbled and pouted, making Tara suddenly have to turn away to fight the urge to kiss her. She has the most adorable pout!

“W-what did he d-do?” Tara was honestly curious, but was finding it hard to focus. Not only had she had coffee with this girl, sat with this girl in class, and gotten her phone number – but now Willow was in her room!

“Well, he did this thing. This seducy thing.” She paused. For a moment Tara feared Willow had cheated on Oz. No, Willow’s not the type to do that. Hang on. How do you know that? You’ve only just met her! …Still…

“He got Buffy to sleep with him. She thought she was just being spur-of-the-momenty, didn’t think that was just what he was after, but that’s all it was. To him, anyway. Just got through talking with him. I’m sorry, but there is no such thing as ‘casual sex’. Sex carries with it all this baggagey stuff, that makes it a whole lot of NOT casual.”

Tara sighed in relief, then realized what Willow had said. “Oh, poor Buffy!” She didn’t think Willow had heard her though. She started talking about casual sex. “You’re r-right. There’s no s-such thing.” She nodded her head fervently.

Willow cocked her head in Tara’s direction. “Well, just thought I’d warn you. Stay away from him. He’s slimebuckety.”

Tara didn’t bother to correct Willow’s assumption that she was straight, and simply nodded.

Willow paused and looked around again. “I should get back to Buffy. She’s really depressed right now, and I still have to pick up Ben’n’Jerry’s. It really is a nice room.” She got up and headed towards the door.

“B-Ben’n’Jerry’s?”

“The ultimate breakup and or depression ice cream. Best in chocolate chip cookie dough or everything but the. See you in class!” She grinned and headed out the door.

[Beamer311]

Hey great update!!!! Really liked to see the interaction between Willow and Tara and the coffee date was just to cute.

Can't wait for more

[sam]

Hi. I really love this so far, it's so sweet. Love sam xx

[Naeryn]

Beamer 311 - I'm glad you liked it! It's going to get angsty in a few chapters, so I wanted to have some cute bits in there. More shall come!

sam - Thanks, that's sweet of you!

To anyone - these updates are going to slow down after chapter seven, I've already written up to there and am going to be posting one update a day until friday. Then I have to go away for the weekend, but after that it'll keep going until I'm done the first seven. It'll probably slow down to a weekly thing after that.

[hr]
Title: A Year of Souls
Author: Naeryn
Spoilers: Only if you never knew that Willow and Tara were together. Which, honestly, if you don’t, then you’re in for a surprise on this site.
Ratings: R/NC17 – I say both because NC17 generally only refers to scenes of a sexual nature, while in here there’s rather descriptive violence as well. Or there will be.
Disclaimer: The day I own Willow and Tara is the day the earth rotates backwards and hell freezes over – and all the Canadians down there start playing hockey! *I have no rights to Charmed or the club therein, nor do I have anything to do with the FRIENDS character Phoebe. I am also unaffiliated with Evanescence, Nightwish, Within Temptation and Nick Lachey.*
Notes: Tara is so cute when she's embarrassed.



Buffy rolled over in bed, wincing at the throbbing in her head. She’d gone a little overboard last night, she supposed. She’d moped in bed for a few days, and last night Willow had dragged her out to the Bronze with Xander and, to her surprise, Tara, for a night out. Willow had seemed to be obsessing a bit over Tara, and hadn’t really noticed that Buffy had downed nine beers and three shots of tequila. Neither had Xander, really, because he was drinking right along with her. I will never drink again! Buffy swore to herself inwardly. She let out a weak groan.

Willow looked over at Buffy from where she sat at the desk. Smiling wearily, she went to the fridge and pulled out an ice pack. Not particularly icy, but cold at least. She grabbed a teatowel, shook her head a little and walked over to sit by Buffy’s head.

She spoke to the smaller blond softly and slowly, making sure she understood. “Hey Buffy. You and Xander had a rough night.” She rolled the pack up in the towel as she spoke, gently easing it onto Buffy’s forehead.

There was a knock on the door and Buffy moaned again. Willow smiled to herself. Something kind of just about a hangover. She shook her head again and went to the door. As quietly as she could, she eased it open.

“Hey Will.” Oz grinned from the other side of the doorway. Willow’s eyes opened wide and she smiled back. Quickly she stepped outside and closed the door behind her.

“Sorry about that. Buffy’s in hangoverville. I thought you wouldn’t be back for another two days yet!” Willow smiled, looping her arms around her boyfriend’s neck and pulling him in for a kiss.

The kiss itself was perfunctory, short and not particularly sweet. Willow frowned a little. He’s never hesitated to kiss me before… she sighed and smiled up to him, with a little less warmth than before. “So what brings you back so early?”

Oz smiled. “The club we were supposed to be playing at, P3, burned down. It was pretty harsh, but no one got hurt and the owners are pretty rich, so they can afford it. We got paid anyway. So here I am. Can I take you out for… er… lunch?”

Willow smiled and nodded. “Sure thing. Just let me grab my coat and tell Buffy I’ll be out for awhile. See if she wants me to pick anything up for her too, she’s not really in any sort of way to be running errands today."

She turned and headed back inside, closing the door rather than letting Oz come in. She bit her bottom lip for a moment, then shook her head. He was probably just tired and achey from a long car ride all the way from San Francisco, and most of the band were pretty flaky. She shrugged it off and grabbed her coat.

Leaning over Buffy, she whispered, “Hey, Buff. Oz got back early, he’s taking me to lunch. I should be back in a couple of hours. Anything you need?”

“Sledgehammer?”

“No then. All right.” She hugged the incapacitated Slayer and walked out.

Willow reached out to kiss Oz again, and was pleased when he didn’t pull away. “Shall we then?”

“We shall.” The two turned and headed out, hands clasped.


Tara turned the corner in Stevenson Hall. She knew Buffy would have a major hangover today, and thought about checking up on her. Just making sure she was okay. Plus, she’d get to see Willow that way. She smiled to herself. Willow… the woman was always on her thoughts of late, more so than when she was doing the subtle stalker thing.

She looked up, pulled out of her thoughts by the sound of a door opening and closing. She stopped, dead in her tracks. Oz was back, and it looked like Willow was giving him a plenty warm welcome. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself. Stupid, stupid…

She hurried back down the hallway and out of the dorm building. Come on Tara. Don’t treat this like some big, life-altering thing. It’s not like he just disappeared and now he’s magically back and all that. He was on a trip to LA and San Francisco with the Dingoes to play a couple of gigs, that was all. She shook her head. I swore to myself I wouldn’t do this to me again. She sniffed, hard, and tears began to roll down her cheeks. Even if he wasn’t there, come on. Like she’d ever go for you. You wouldn’t deserve her anyway. She bit her lip as she tripped on a root, letting out a quiet groan of pain as she tasted the blood. She spat it out. Great, now I’m going to have a fat lip. Tara sighed and pulled herself up a little, turning to lean against the tree. She banged the back of her head against it a couple of times. Stupid, stupid…

*****

Willow looked around the restaurant. It was a nice place. Classy. One of those places with the dark interior and cushy booths that made it almost like a ritzy version of a sixties diner. She smiled. She loved these places. They always had the best linguine.

Oz smiled over at his girlfriend as the waitress led them to a booth. “So. Want to go to the Bronze tonight? I’m sure Buffy will be conked out by then.”

The redheaded witch-in-training paused. “Well… maybe. I’ve got some studying to do…”

“Come on. It’s Saturday. You can study tomorrow. You’re one of the top in all your classes, right?”

Willow nodded miserably. “But I’ve only got a 4.0, I need at least a 4.5 to be eligible to skip ahead a year.”

Oz grinned a little – as much as he ever did. “Yeah. But do you want to miss the extra year with me and Buffy?”

She sighed exasperatedly. “Buffy and I, Oz, not me and Buffy.” She paused and blushed. “I guess I see your point.”

“Right. So how’s about that linguine?”

Willow grinned. “Okay. Linguine and Bronze.”

Oz nodded. “Linguine and Bronze it is.” He waved the waitress over to come and take their order.

*****

Buffy sat up sharply in bed. She groaned, realizing it was only 5:48 am. Yesterday’s hangover had completely thrown off her body clock – which was saying something, considering her usual interesting hours. She looked over to the other bed that occupied the relatively plain white room. Willow was facing her, and Buffy grinned. The redhead was smiling in her sleep, and drooling a little. Usually she looked almost in pain… but that was a pretty recent thing, since Oz had become so distant. She shook her head, wondering what was up with the guy. If he breaks her heart, I’ll break his… something much more tangible.

She looked around. They’d been living there for almost a month, and still there was nothing really personal. Especially of Willow’s. Of course, Will had only been there for half the time Buffy had, since crazy Cathy turned out to be a whacked out demon adolescent that had ditched her home realm to go to college. Major issues there.

Her side of the room was decorated with assorted photos, most of her, Willow and Xander, some including Joyce or Giles, all pinned to a giant bulletin board and hung by her closet. There was also one apparently random one of a street without any real subject – it was one she kept for amusement’s sake. She’d tried to take a picture of Angel, apparently the mirror thing applied to cameras as well. She saw too the three posters she’d hung of her favorite groups. One of Evanescence, one of Within Temptation, and one that was there mostly for the cute factor of Nick Lachey. She giggled a little, trying not to wake Willow, remembering the grief Xander had given her over that one, all the while ogling Amy and Sharon, the female singers from the other two bands, respectively.

She looked over to Willow’s side of the room. Three different Nightwish posters, an Evanescence poster, but a different one that she had, and, looking oddly out of place, one from Loreena McKennitt, right next to the Dingoes. Then, of course, her laptop with the “Willow” label on it – namely, a glossy-sparkly sticker of a Willow tree. Buffy rolled her eyes at it. But that was it, no ornaments, no real decoration. She sighed. There should be… more. She checked the clock again. 6:02. She wondered briefly if she could pull out the box of personal decorative things from her closet without waking Willow, but then, realizing the redhead would only use the early wakening as an opportunity for extra studying – Buffy paused to roll her eyes again – she decided to go ahead, regardless.

Quietly, she shifted out of bed and over to the closet. Dragging the box out, she lifted open the flaps and unwrapped the first object – a smallish crystal bell – from it’s newspaper, and looked for somewhere to put it.

*****

Xander knocked on the door to Willow and Buffy’s dorm room, laden with two boxes of donuts and a tray of four mochas. He’d decided to get four, even though there was just going to be three of them – he knew Will would love him for getting the extra. Her and her crazy caffeine addiction.

The door opened, and he was assaulted by a blast of music. “What IS that?”

“What, no hello?” Willow grinned her trademark grin and backed up to let him in. “It’s Nightwish!” Xander looked her up and down, taking in the redhead’s figure. She wore a navy blue tank top and an old pair of jeans with a hole in the corner of the back pocket and faded knees, one of which was ripped out. Her short hair bobbed around her head, gelled lightly in place. He set the donuts and coffee down on the desk and embraced the redhead. “Hello Will. The corseted beauty sings like this?”

Willow laughed. “No Xand. The corseted beauty is Amy.” She pointed to one of the Evanescence posters. Then gestured to the three Nightwish ones. “The woman singing right now is Tarja. You may notice her accent, if you can figure out what she’s saying. She’s from Finland, the whole band is.”

“That explains the eccentric name.” He paused to look at the posters closely. “She SHOULD be corseted.” Willow rolled her eyes. “So, where’s the Buffster?”

“She’s just in the… bathroom. Hey Buffy.”

The blond walked in and Xander turned to hug her too. She was dressed similarly to Willow, only that she was wearing black capri leggings and her tank was red. She wore a black bandanna over her hair. “Hey. So, you just randomly decided that today was settling down day? Setting up day? Whatever the hell you’d call it?”

Buffy started bouncing on the balls of her sneaker-clad feet. “Yup. Woke up at quarter to six this morning, realized our room is all stark. Thought I’d make it all spruced up like. Then Will said she didn’t have any classes ‘till three, and I don’t have any at all today, so it kind of turned into a clean-and-set-upfest.” The music eased off, lowering by a couple of decibels. “Thanks Wills. Makes the talking easier.”

The redhead grinned. “No problem.”

Xander looked around. “So. Setting up personal-type objects?”

*****

There was another knock on the door. Willow looked up and stared at it for a moment. Huh? Who else would be here? Anya mostly avoids us, Giles hates dorms… everyone else is here. She considered not bothering, but when the knock came again she shrugged and got up to answer it, setting down her mocha. She was only half done, and already eyeing the fourth.

Buffy and Xander were sitting over on the other bed, each sipping their own coffees and laughing at Willow’s consternation. “Come on Will, whoever’s out there isn’t going to bite. Maybe it’s Oz.” Willow’s frown deepened, much to Xander and Buffy’s confusion and slight consternation.

She swung open the door. “Tara!” Her face brightened, seeing the shy girl outside her door. “Hey!”

“H-hey.” The girl stuttered. She’d seen Willow’s frown when she opened the door and had immediately looked aside, letting her hair cover her face as it usually did. “Um, is this a b-bad time? I could c-come b-b-back…” Her eyes, focused on the redhead’s worn runners, widened a little as she saw said runners back up.

“Not at all, come on in.” She smiled at the joviality in Willow’s voice. “Tara, this is Buffy and Xander. Xander, Buffy, this is Tara.”

Buffy and Xander exchanged a glance. They’d both noticed how happy Willow had been to see Tara, and resolved to talk about it later. Buffy was the first to stand up and hold her hand out to Tara. “Hey. I’m the girl, so you probably figured out that I’m the Buffy.”

Tara smiled, obviously nervous. She reached out and shook Buffy’s hand. Her own felt small and weak in the petite but obviously built girl’s. “H-hi.”

Willow reached out and grabbed Tara’s free hand. “Come on, sit down. What’s up?” She focused entirely on the blond, and Buffy and Xander looked at each other again.

As she sat down on the bed next to Willow, the music that was playing mellowed out for a few bars and she could make out the lyrics.

Give in, give in for my touch
For my taste, for my lust…

And then the music started up again. Tara blushed at the openly sexual words and cleared her throat, trying not to focus too much on the adorable redhead next to her. I’d like to… so much… No, Tara. Don’t do that, it’ll only make it worse… “N-nothing. I just thought I’d c-come by and s-say hi. You s-said you didn’t have c-classes today. But you have p-plans, so I should g-go…” she trailed off and made to stand up again. Willow pulled her back down.

“Spur of the momenty plans only. Really. Buffy woke up this morning with the strange urge to clean and organize, and I thought it was something best encouraged. Especially seeing as it probably won’t happen again until the year we graduate.” She rolled her eyes mockingly.

Buffy faked offense. “Hey! I do too clean!”

“Yeah. When you get paid or your mom makes you.”

Buffy whacked the guy sitting next to her with a pillow. “Xander! Come on, you’re supposed to be on my side!”

“I am?”

“Yes!”

Tara smiled. It was so cute to see the interplay between all three of the friends. “Are you t-two d-dating?” She asked of Buffy and Xander.

Both the people on the opposite bed paused mid-pillowfight. Then burst out laughing.

Tara blushed deeply. “S-sorry, I d-didn’t mean…”

Willow grinned, waving her hand in dismissal. “Don’t worry about it Tara. There was this whole thing where Xander was getting lusty after Buffy,” Xander glared a little at Willow, “and asked Buffy out, but that was like three years ago. They’re totally over it. Xander’s got a girlfriend who thinks everything’s related to sex and points it out at incredibly inappropriate moments. It’d actually be funny if it weren’t so embarrassing…”

At this point Xander humphed and turned away from Willow. “Says you. She’s just… observant. That’s all.”

“Right Xand. It’s got nothing to do with being an ex… er… guitarist. For that crazy lady in New York who liked to sing about the cat that stunk…” Buffy trailed off, hoping that Tara didn’t watch FRIENDS and so saw through her incredibly flimsy cover up. Come on Buffy. Character from a TV show. You couldn’t do better than THAT? She chided herself. She’d have to work on her cover up stories.

Xander and Willow both fixed her with raised eyebrows, then burst out laughing again. “Whatever, Buffy.” Willow regained her breath first. “So, Tara. Feel like helping us set up… stuff?”

Tara smiled and nodded a little, glad to be included. She looked up in surprise as she saw a coffee cup being held out in front of her, then smiled warmly. “M-mocha. My favorite.”

Willow grinned happily.[hr]

[GayNow]

Naeryn~

This is really turning into a delightful fic! I've so enjoyed reading the chapters you've posted--and so quickly.

I like the slightly different take on how W and T meet and get to know one another. And the Buffy you've created...WOW! She actually NOTICES changes in Willow's behavior. So refreshing!

I'm really look forward to more updates. Can't wait to read more!

Carleen

[Naeryn]

GayNow - Hey Car! Thanks so much! I'm glad you like it. The speed of posting will probably decline relatively soon, but I've already written... well, I wrote two more last night, so that's nine now. About the Buffy thing - yes, I made Buffy perceptive. She's still going to be surprised, she'll wind up thinking that they're just good friends, Tara seems to be a positive influence on Willow, so on and so forth. Honestly, I was getting tired of stupid-Buffy.

On with the update!

[hr]
Title: A Year of Souls
Author: Naeryn
Spoilers: Only if you never knew that Willow and Tara were together. Which, honestly, if you don’t, then you’re in for a surprise on this site.
Ratings: R/NC17 – I say both because NC17 generally only refers to scenes of a sexual nature, while in here there’s rather descriptive violence as well. Or there will be.
Disclaimer: The day I own Willow and Tara is the day the earth rotates backwards and hell freezes over – and all the Canadians down there start playing hockey!
Notes: Willow sees Oz, and Oz sees Veruca – and Tara sees Willow. Yet more proof that Tara is one of the sweetest characters ever.



Oz grinned and pointed up at the stage. “Hey, Shy’s about to start playing.”
Willow nodded, eyes fixed on the table. Why is he so obsessed with them? She looked up as the lead singer – what’s her face? Veruca – started singing something slow. Sexy. Willow winced. She didn’t know why, but she felt somehow threatened by her. Probably because she’s a musician like Oz, gorgeous, sexy… and you’re… not. She sighed again, running her hand up and down the side of her glass absently. It was a pretty glass. Tinted red, with this sort of frost pattern on it. She studied it, glad for something other than the bombshell on stage to be looking at.

She felt a poke in her arm. “Will? You okay?” Willow looked over at Buffy.

“Hmm? Oh, yeah. Fine. Finey McFine Fine…” she trailed off and started studying the glass again, now spinning the tiny mint green paper umbrella that sat in it. Buffy arched one eyebrow, disbelief written plainly across her face.

Willow lifted her gaze momentarily to Oz’s face, which was staring in rapture at the band playing on the stage. No, not the band. The singer. Veruca. Willow sighed and spun the umbrella one more time before lifting her glass and taking a long drink.

Xander and Anya exchanged a glance. Anya opened her mouth to speak, but Xander shook his head sharply, telling her wordlessly to keep out of it. “Ahn and I are going to go dance. See ya Will, Buffy. Oz.” He took Anya’s hand and led her to the dance floor, placing his free hand momentarily on Willow’s shoulder as he passed.

Willow looked up and met his gaze for a moment, smiling gratefully. The smile didn’t reach her eyes.

“Hey, guys. I think I’m going to call it a night.”

Oz looked over at Willow, shifting his gaze back and forth between his girlfriend and the stage. “You sure?” When she nodded, he sighed a little. “Want me to give you a ride?” He sounded reluctant, and Willow winced a little.

“No, Oz. I’m fine, I can walk.” He nodded and returned his focus to the woman on stage. The redhead squeezed her eyes shut. “Night, guys.”

Buffy looked at Willow sympathetically, deciding to leave her alone for the time being. “See ya Will. I’ll probably head back to the room in a couple of hours.”

Willow nodded, casting another sad glance at Oz before turning and leaving.

Buffy eyed Oz with a sharp glare. He could at least have said goodbye, the little jerk. She fought the urge to smack him.

*****

Willow walked into the room and closed the door behind her. As the thin fake wood door shut with a soft click, Willow slumped to the floor. She leaned her head back against the door, tears rolling down her face. What’s going on with him? I know she’s pretty, but… is he going to leave me? Her thoughts turned even darker as her mind worked through what she’d seen over the past two nights. Was I just some… high school fling? Something to keep him entertained until he found someone better? Someone sexy, and alluring, and… not so stupid! She closed her eyes. No, Oz isn’t like that. Is he? She gave a faint, bitter laugh. Maybe he’s just not like that with people who are worth it. Like Veruca.

A soft tapping on the door behind her snapped Willow out of her dark reverie. She sighed and wiped at her face with her sleeve, standing up and turning to answer. She swung the door open, muttering “Hello?”

Tara’s eyes flew open at the sight of a sad and disheveled redhead. “Willow? What’s w-wrong?” She stepped forwards, reaching out and placing her hand lightly on her friend’s arm. “Are y-you okay?”

Willow looked up a little, backing up to let Tara into the room. “I… I don’t know.” She closed the door and sighed. “He’s… Oz, he’s been… distracted.”

Tara stepped closer to Willow. “What do you mean, d-d-distracted?”

“It’s… there’s this other band, Shy. And their lead singer is a woman named Veruca. He’s not… I don’t think he’s ch-cheating on me,” she stumbled over the word, having to force it past her lips, “but he’s… she’s…” she trailed off.

Tara just stood there for a moment, wide-eyed. The boy’s a fool! How could he ever look elsewhere, with a goddess like this wanting him? If I…No. Don’t go there. She tentatively reached out her arms, taking Willow into a gentle hug. “What? You think he wants h-her instead of you?”

Willow tried to speak, but no words would come out. Instead, she nodded against the blond’s shoulder.

Tara shook her head, tightening her hold just a little. “Why would he?”

Willow backed off, staring at Tara in disbelief. “Why wouldn’t he? She’s… beautiful, and sexy, and knows all about m-music, she’s probably… experienced, and I… don’t. I’m not. I’m just… me.”

Tara winced, hearing her own words coming out of this woman’s mouth. “You don’t think you’re b-beautiful?” She decided to ignore the ‘experienced’ comment – she didn’t want to know.

Willow just shook her head, her brow furrowed in confusion.
Tara smiled sadly. “You are…” She pulled Willow into a tight hug again.

*****

Buffy walked into the room, startled to see that it was pitch dark at ten. She flicked on the light and was confronted with an even more shocking tableau. Tara sat cross-legged on Willow’s bed, the redhead’s tearstained face resting in her lap. “Tara?” Buffy’s voice matched her expression.

The blond looked up. She’d been staring at Willow’s face, running her fingers through her soft hair, wondering how much of an idiot Oz must be to even think about anyone else when he had someone like her, and hadn’t heard the Slayer come in. “Buffy…” she whispered. “Shh, Willow’s f-finally asleep.”

Buffy walked over and placed her hand on the side of her friend’s face. “Poor girl. I don’t know what was up with Oz today…” She looked up and met Tara’s gaze. “Can we talk for a minute? Outside, so we don’t wake up Will?”

Tara nodded and slowly unfolded her legs, careful not to jar the redhead too much as she eased herself away. Then she followed Buffy outside.

“What’s w-wrong?”

Buffy sighed. “Oz. He’s… I don’t really know. He’s just been completely obsessing over this Veruca chick lately. I think it’s got Willow really down.”

Tara nodded. “She t-thinks she’s not b-beautiful.”

Buffy tilted her head to the side a little, crossing her arms.

“She t-told me. She said ‘she’s b-beautiful, and sexy, and know’s all about m-music, and I’m just me’.” Tara shook her head. “I think she t-thinks Oz is g-going to leave her. Or m-maybe cheat, or something. I d-don’t really know, she kind of l-lost coherence after t-that.” She wrapped her arms tightly around herself, avoiding Buffy’s gaze.

The Slayer let out a quiet sigh. “She always does this. She does this thing where she gets all down on herself whenever she has a chance.” Buffy shook her head, looking down. “Her parents were never really… you know, in town, so she kind of raised herself. She’s got this big neglecty history. Took a long time for her to trust that I wasn’t just setting her up for some big public humiliation. She’s come to expect betrayal…”

Tara felt her eyes filling with tears at this revelation. “Her p-parents…” she shook her head and looked down again.

Buffy smiled warmly at the shy girl. “Hey, it’s starting to get late. You can stay here if you want, or I can walk you back to your dorm…?”

Tara smiled. “Can… can I s-stay here? I w-want to make sure Willow’s okay.”

Buffy nodded and draped her arm around Tara’s shoulders. “Come on then. I’m sure between Willow and I there are some pjs that’ll fit you.”

The taller blond nodded and followed the Slayer back into the room.

*****

Willow began to open her eyes slowly. Smiling, she snuggled tightly against the warm body wrapped around her from behind – and then paused. Her eyes flew open completely, suddenly awake. Who the hell…? She felt breasts pressing against her back, and someone else’s hair tickling her shoulder, an arm draping over her waist.

Carefully, she lifted herself and rolled over, trying not to wake whoever this female person was. As her eyes came to rest on the face, Willow smiled. She couldn’t believe Tara had spent the entire night here.

She’s so good to me…What have I done to deserve a friend like her? Willow sighed blissfully and, rather than rolling over again and risking waking the sleeping blond, snuggled deeper into her arms, resting her head beneath Tara’s chin. This is so strange… lying in her arms like this, it feels so right. I don’t need to shift and find where I fit… I just do. Willow smiled, wondering what it was she was feeling for her friend, but not really caring.

She smiled and let her eyes close. Moments later however, Tara let out a faint whimper. It was quiet enough that had Willow been just a few feet away, she probably wouldn’t have heard it. The redhead’s eyes opened again, and she looked up at the blond who moments before had been sleeping peacefully. Now her brow furrowed, and Willow felt her hands tighten on her back. Tara was biting her lip, hard, and her expression was pained. When she flinched visibly, Willow made up her mind.

Softly, she began to whisper. “Tara? Tara? Wake up.” Gently, she ran her hand over the blond’s shoulder, shaking her a little to bring her back to consciousness.

Tara opened her eyes to see concerned green ones staring back at her. She inhaled sharply. “W-Willow?” she sounded like she was on the verge of tears.

“Tara… are you all right? I think you were having a bad dream.”

She closed her eyes tightly and nodded.

“What happened?” Willow wrapped her arms around Tara’s waist in much the same way the blond had the previous night while comforting the sleeping redhead.

“I…” her voice was rough. “It’s n-nothing. Just a d-dream.” She sat up a little, easing herself out of Willow’s arms, knowing if she stayed there too long she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from breaking down.

Willow looked up at Tara, confused. She shook her head, letting it go. A smile split her features again. “You stayed with me.”

Tara saw Willow’s expression and couldn’t help but smile back. “W-where else would I b-be?” She looked over at the other bed, at the still sleeping Slayer. “I should probably g-go though. I’ll go c-change.”

Willow shook her head, then pause. “Well, yes. Go change. But don’t go, I want to take you out to breakfast.”

Tara shook her head. “S-sorry, I c-can’t. I have c-class in an hour, and I have to, um, g-go back to my room first.”

Willow looked down, obviously disappointed, but nodded. “All right. Talk to you later then?”

Tara smiled her agreement. “Of course!”

[sam]

Awww so sweet..the way tara looked after willow . Love sam xx

[Tarababy77]

OH Wow!!! This story is so sweet and cute. I was kinda sad that Tara had to just leave, even though it was for class. But, she'll be back. Anyhoo, great story. I am so looking foward for another update!!! You take care and once again, great work!!! =)

[Irishlassie101]

Hy there,
this is such a cute story ! I really like the interaction between the three friends, and the way Tara started to "blend" into the group.
And Oz on his way out is always a good thing to happen...cause we all know what can come next (or who )

Many more updates PLEASE

Irishlassie

[AFMN]

Hello!
I have to say, I never post anything, at all, ever. But this is just, wow! Keep it up! This is a wonderful story!




Me: I'm God!
Matt: You are not God, if you were God I would kill myself and pray to burn in hell.

[Naeryn]

Aww, I feel so loved!

sam - That was the idea, yes. I want Tara to be accepted into the group with relative ease, because there are some difficulties coming later. Besides, she IS sweet, and it's just the kind of thing she'd do!

Tarababy77 - Yes, she will definitely be back. I partially wanted to actually have them go out for breakfast, but you know Willow would have pushed about Tara's dream, and Tara would have backed off too much. I wanted to avoid that even more than I wanted a cute almost-date scene.

Irishlassie101 - I'm glad you noticed that. I wanted to make Buffy a little more perceptive than she usually is, because stupid-Buffy is irritating. Amusing, but irritating. I'm hearing that it's cute a lot, I'm glad, that's what I was going for. Glad you like!

AFMN - Wow. I drew someone out of lurkerdom. I feel special ^^.

[hr]
Title: A Year of Souls
Author: Naeryn
Spoilers: Only if you never knew that Willow and Tara were together. Which, honestly, if you don’t, then you’re in for a surprise on this site.
Ratings: R/NC17 – I say both because NC17 generally only refers to scenes of a sexual nature, while in here there’s rather descriptive violence as well. Or there will be.
Disclaimer: The day I own Willow and Tara is the day the earth rotates backwards and hell freezes over – and all the Canadians down there start playing hockey!
Notes: Please be warned, this is an incredibly angsty piece, much as it’ll wind up with a happy ending. I’ve added an element to Tara that you may not all like, but it’s rather crucial to the way I’m developing the connection between the girls. So if you can’t handle a little descriptive violence accompanied by extreme self-deprecation, if you catch my drift at all, then you probably shouldn’t be watching Buffy in the first place.



Willow sighed, looking over at the clock – 3:51. It was a full moon tonight. The second day, when Oz was at his wildest. There were two hours left until the moon set, and another half an hour after that until sunrise. Then probably another half hour before she could reasonably show up at the crypt he caged himself in to make sure he was okay.

She was worried, the psych professor had been attacked last night by two “wild dogs”. Oz had gotten out of his cage… she wondered who the second one was. She’d tried to… she closed her eyes tightly. Yesterday in the afternoon, she’d tried to be intimate with Oz, but he’d pushed her away. Xander had told her that she’d probably caught him in “one of the seven minutes annually that a guy is genuinely not thinking about sex”, but she still felt uneasy about it.

She checked the clock again, watching the numbers roll over to 4:00. She flopped back on the bed and looked over at Buffy across the side tables, sleeping peacefully. Of course she was, she was over ass-like Parker by now – or almost – and didn’t have to worry about her boyfriend… doing what? Cheating? Lying? Willow shook her head. I just don’t know…

Tara always seemed to know. Over the past couple of weeks, they’d grown close. She always seemed to know what to say to make Willow feel better. Like someone cared. When she listened, she didn’t get that half baked look that everyone else did, like they were listening – but only just enough so that Willow wouldn’t notice that they weren’t listening if she asked them a question.

Willow nodded inwardly to herself. I’ll go see Oz at six, and then I’ll go see Tara. See what she has to say about the situation. That thought firmly in her mind, she rolled over and resolved to get at least a little sleep before what she expected to be an emotional roller coaster of a day – though she didn’t know why.

*****

Tara looked over at the clock. It was five thirty in the morning. So why couldn’t she sleep? Even on the nights when she would lie awake, she was usually at least dozing by now. She sighed loudly and sat up, grabbing a book from the bedside table. She’d been looking at a couple of clarity spells, to help her concentrate and work through some of her issues as she knew she needed to. Maybe now was a good time to do a bit more research on it.

A few moments later, she gave up. She’d read the same line sixteen times and it still hadn’t sunk in. Closing her book in a futile gesture, she set it down on the bedside table. She looked over at the clock again – all of six minutes had passed.

Tara rolled her eyes. What now? I just lie here until it’s a decent hour to get up? She was almost tempted to call Willow, but decided against it, knowing the girl would certainly be asleep. Instead, she heaved herself out of bed and walked across the room to her fabric-covered stereo. She draped fabrics over everything in her room, she liked the dreamy, fairylike appearance it gave everything. She clicked a button and Sarah McLachlan began whispering through the room. Stumbling back to bed, she flopped down on top of the covers and willed herself to sleep.

*****

The bag of bagels fell to the floor with a quiet thump that seemed to resonate and echo through the silent crypt. Willow’s arms started to shake at the picture before her. Oz, lying in his cage, next to… next to… that woman. The woman from the band. What was her name? Veruca? Willow’s jaw dropped slightly and her eyes began to fill with tears. Oz stood up, grabbing his pants and starting to pull them on.

“Willow…”

The redhead froze, and the thermos in her other hand fell to roll to a stop beside the bagel bag. “Oh my god, oh my god…”

Oz finished dressing his bottom half and reached through the bars of the cage, hitting the buttons to let himself and Veruca out. “I know what you saw. It wasn’t… I had to. I had to lock her in there with me.”

Willow wrapped her arms around herself, fighting the tears. “I bet.”

Oz walked forward a couple of steps, outside of the cage. “She’s like me. A wolf.

Willow sniffed a little. “Well, I knew you had a lot in common, but…” she jumped back a little as Oz reached for her arm. “Don’t touch me!” She spat the words out.

“She was gonna hurt somebody. I didn’t have a choice.” Oz’s brow furrowed a little as he tried to figure out how to fix things.

“But you did. You could've told somebody. Your solution... Just put you two together in a room all night?” She shook her head and backed up another step.

Veruca stood, unabashed, fully naked. “Girl’s got a point.”

Oz half turned towards her, refusing to look at the other werewolf. His voice was edged with anger. “Leave.”

“I’m just saying…”

“Now!” He turned back to Willow and reached for her again. “I’m sorry, I know…”

Willow started yelling herself. “I knew, you jerk! And you sat there, and you told me everything was fine? And that's as bad as... As...” She dissolved into tears.

Oz winced. “I know how it feels. I remember.”

Willow looked up sharply, meeting his eyes. “Oh, so what, this is payback? I had this coming?”

Oz shook his head. “No, it’s not…”

“Because I thought that was behind us. And you know, what happened with Xander, it… it doesn’t compare. Not with what you and I had. Not with whatever you’ve been doing with her.”

Oz sighed. “I don’t know what Veruca and I have done. When I change, it’s like… it’s like I’m gone, and the wolf takes over.”

Willow shook her head. “But before this, when you were regular Oz, you had feelings for her. Didn’t you?” She looked down again, afraid of the answer.

Oz grimaced. “No. I could sense something, but…”

Willow stopped trying to fight the tears and just let them come. “But you wanted her… like in an animal way? Like… more than you wanted me?” She backed up another couple of steps, turned, and ran out of the crypt, ignoring Oz’s fervent calling of her name behind her.

*****

Tara sighed, staring at the clock. She watched the numbers switch from 6:47 to 6:48, just as she’d watched every number change for the past forty eight minutes. Suddenly there was a knock on her door. Who would be here this early? She frowned a little and stood up, shifting her flannel pajamas a little as she did so, and walked to the door. She opened it to a heartbreaking image. Willow stood there, her eyes full of pain, her face stained with tears. Tara immediately held out her arms.

As Tara reached for her, Willow broke down again, throwing herself into the blond’s arms and bursting into tears again. “Shh, shh… sweetie, what’s wrong?” Tara’s soft voice slid it’s way into her mind as she led her to the bed.

Willow sat on the end of the bed, her face buried in Tara’s shoulder. “O-Oz. That… that girl… he…” She tightened her hands around the fabric of the blond’s pajamas, squeezing her eyes shut. “He slept with her!” She practically yelled the last sentence before dissolving into sobs again.

Tara’s eyes flew open in shock. How stupid is he? Then the reality sunk in, and the shock was replaced with rage. How DARE he?! She tightened her grip around the redhead in her arms and slowly began to rock both of them back and forth. “Oh, sweetie…” Willow had shifted so that now her head was resting more against Tara’s stomach. The blond leaned over, resting her head on top of Willow’s and gently running her hands over her back. She could feel Will’s muscles tightening as the racking sobs tore at her heart. She needs to calm down…Not even realizing fully what she was doing, she planted a gentle kiss on the crown of red hair and started to ease away a little.

Willow lifted her head, looking confused and hurt. “Tara? I’m s-sorry, I shouldn’t have…”

Tara shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I’m just getting something to help you calm down a little and breathe.” She turned to a shelf beside her bed and ran her finger over the labels of several bottles sitting there. She picked one and pulled it down, then turned back to Willow. “Here, sit up a bit.”

The redhead did as she was asked, her breath catching in her throat as she fought to control herself.

Tara opened the bottle and sniffed it a little, then placed her forefinger over the tiny opening. She tilted it upside down once, twice, and then put it down. She rubbed her two index fingers together, getting a little of the liquid on each finger, and reached towards Willow.

She pulled away. “What…?”

Tara smiled. “It’s okay, I promise.”

Willow nodded and let Tara put one finger on each of her temples, gently massaging the oil into her skin.

“Now, take a deep breath.” Tara pulled her close again, still rubbing her temples lightly. Willow did so, forcing herself to keep breathing in instead of huffing out the air in another sob. As she did so, a faint scent touched her, immediately easing the urge to cry until she drowned in her tears.

Tara smiled, watching Willow visibly relax. She kept massaging her temples gently, barely aware she was doing so. Willow slowly lifted her face to Tara’s. As their eyes met, both girls froze, suddenly very aware of Tara’s hands on Willow. Quickly, they looked away, Tara lifting her hands from the redhead’s temples. She stood up and walked a few steps away, taking a deep breath. She grabbed the bottle off the table and looked at the label again. Chamomile, lavender, vetiver, rose… rose? I gave her the one with the aphrodisiac in it?! Tara sighed, mentally kicking herself. Brilliant move, Maclay…

Willow felt Tara get up – she’d closed her eyes when she’d torn them away from the blond’s gaze. Why am I feeling this way? I feel like… I want her. How can I even be thinking about that now?! Why did she leave? Did I do something to make her freaked? Willow felt her eyes beginning to fill with tears again.

Tara took a few deep breaths to ground herself and turned back to the bed. Sitting down, she reached for Willow’s hand, pulling the redhead into a hug. “Willow, sweetie.” Tara had seen Willow about to cry again. “It’s all r-right if you need to c-cry.”

The redhead dissolved into tears again.

*****

Buffy sighed and looked at the clock. Twelve thirty. No more classes until two… she wondered briefly where Willow was. She’d already been gone when Buffy woke up this morning at eight. Probably ran off to see Oz… she grinned. Now might be a good time for that talk with Xander. She picked up the phone.

Twenty minutes later, the two friends were sitting at the Espresso Pump, enjoying steaming cups of joe.

“Xander, I’m kinda worried about Willow. I mean, I think she’s putting just a little too much into this Tara person.” Buffy sounded genuinely concerned.

“What? I don’t know about that. I think it’s kinda odd that she didn’t even think that it could have been Oz at the door though.”

Buffy nodded, lost in thought for a moment. “And did you see the way she frowned when we suggested it might be? It’s almost like she doesn’t even want to see him anymore.”

Xander nodded. “That’s what I’m thinking. Of course, it might just be that they’ve had some sort of plan to have a talk when he gets back from whatever gig he’s on now, and Willow isn’t looking forward to it. Though, if it were a breakup talk she’d probably be way stressed.”

Buffy sighed, unconvinced. “I don’t know what’s up with her these past couple of weeks. I hope she’s okay is all.”

Xander grinned and reached over, patting the Slayer’s arm. “Don’t worry about it Buff. I’m sure she’s fine, and if she’s not, we’re here, we’ll deal, and she’ll be fine then.”

Buffy nodded reluctantly, allowing herself to be temporarily reassured. “We should keep an eye on her though.”

Xander laughed. “Sure Buffy. We’ll keep an eye.”

[cperrins78]

Great story. I love Willow and Tara beginnings. I can't wait to read more.



Christina

[willowfan7]

Ya know what? I just found this and so far, I like it. Lots. I love that you stayed true to the characters, not that Buffy was that intuitive in the series but...
Really looking forward to the next update.

[Naeryn]

cperrins78 - Thanks so much, glad you're enjoying it!

willowfan7 - I really wanted to keep the characters as in character as I could. No, Buffy wasn't that intuitive in the series, but that disappointed me. I always thought that if Buffy was as good a friend as she professed to be, she would have noticed something.

[hr]
Title: A Year of Souls
Author: Naeryn
Spoilers: Only if you never knew that Willow and Tara were together. Which, honestly, if you don’t, then you’re in for a surprise on this site.
Ratings: R/NC17 – I say both because NC17 generally only refers to scenes of a sexual nature, while in here there’s rather descriptive violence as well. Or there will be.
Disclaimer: The day I own Willow and Tara is the day the earth rotates backwards and hell freezes over – and all the Canadians down there start playing hockey!
Notes: This is just a short post to cover the week between Oz's fit of idiocy and the next event. Willow's depressed so not much happens. My happy little cliffhanger. I timed this well, you've got an extra day to wait for the next update, as I'll be computerless on Saturday. Though really, here is where I expect to lose some readers...



Buffy looked over at the bloodied body of Veruca and just… shook her head. Oz lay, wolfed out and tranquilized, a few feet from Willow. “Come on Will. Let’s get him into his cage before he wakes up…” she trailed off, walking over to the redhead and offering her hand.

Willow took it gratefully, her eyes filling with tears again. She was surprised she had any more to cry, both Buffy’s and Tara’s laps had seen millions of her tears in just one day.

Buffy stopped Willow from moving past her, saying nothing but momentarily looking into her friend’s eyes, communicating her love and understanding silently. Willow nodded and smiled weakly through her tears, and Buffy pulled her close. She wasn’t surprised, however, when Willow didn’t burst into tears like she had been all day whenever someone made the slightest gesture of affection. She supposed she just didn’t have the strength for it anymore.

Quietly, the two nodded their agreement to not speak of what Willow had been doing in the campus lab before Veruca attacked her. Buffy simply grabbed Oz by one leg, not really caring if she hurt him, and dragged him out of the room behind her friend.

*****

The next week passed in a blur of sadness and pain for Willow. She’d woken up the next morning to find Oz knocking on her door. He’d hugged her, kissed her forehead, and said “goodbye” – and then turned and left, leaving her with her mouth hanging open in shock. She hadn’t seen him since, and a good portion of his stuff was gone from his room. She knew he wasn’t planning on coming back. Buffy and Xander had tried to tempt her out of the room with mochas. Tara had tried to get her to come over to her room, just for a change of scenery. They didn’t know that Willow left her room regularly. Whenever Buffy went to class, she’d duck out and go to Oz’s dorm room, lie on the bed that still smelled faintly of him, clutch one of his old sweatshirts to her chest… she knew she only missed him that much because of his betrayal. Because it was him that ended it, not her, but she didn't care.

The short time had been felt like an eternity and the briefest of moments at the same time. She hadn’t even gone to classes. She’d heard Buffy and Xander talking about her outside the room.

“Buffy, she hasn’t gone to class in a week. That like, chills me to the bone.”

Upon hearing this, Willow had just sobbed again and rolled over, willing herself to fall back into the land of dreams where nothing hurt. Where Oz hadn’t betrayed her. Sometimes, even where Tara loved her.

*****

Willow woke up with a broken sigh. She reached out and smacked her alarm off just as the first beep began to sound. She didn’t even know why she bothered setting the thing anymore, she always woke up by seven anyway. She’d found out from Tara yesterday that she hadn’t any classes today, and decided to surprise her with mochas.

She sat up in bed and arched her back sharply, forcing the night’s kinks out of it. She sighed again and relaxed after hearing several satisfying pops. She lay back a little, shifting up so she could lean against the wall behind the bed and think for a bit. I’m so glad I met Tara, it’s made all of this so much easier, just knowing she’s there. I’ve only known her for a month and a half, but it just sort of fits. Plus, she’s interested in magic, even practices. I hope we can get around to talking about that sometime. I’d love to have a real discussion about it some day, instead of a bunch of people warning me to be careful or telling me I’m not being empowering.

She smiled halfheartedly and pushed the covers back, turning to face her open closet. What to wear… Willow grinned, suddenly inspired. She’d been melancholy enough over the last week, Veruca was gone, Oz was gone… that hurt like hell, that he didn’t even want to try and work things out, but… it wasn’t her fault, and she knew it wouldn't have lasted much longer anyway. She winced inwardly at that. Are you sure, Willow? Are you sure you weren’t just too geeky, too foolish, too naïve for him? She shook her head, willing her insecurities away. It wasn’t her fault, and she wasn’t going to let it own her anymore. She was going to start up on classes again on Monday, catch up with anything she missed. Buffy’s notes weren’t the best, but she imagined that as far as psych was concerned she could convince Walsh to lend her some. Today she was going to take Tara out for mochas, take her to the Magic Box and all that. She was new to Sunnydale this year, so probably hadn’t found all that stuff yet. She stepped forward and pulled down the jean skirt that Buffy kept telling her made her butt look great, followed by a plain, dark green spaghetti-strap tank top and a soft, dusty blue sweatshirt.

Quickly, Willow shucked her red plaid-flannel pajamas and dressed, deciding on a pair of calf-high vinyl boots to match. She grabbed her toiletry kit and headed off to the bathrooms to freshen up.

*****

Willow knocked on Tara’s door. She knew the girl would be in today – she had no classes and had already said she didn’t get out much – and so was a little worried when she didn’t get any answer. She knocked again. When there was still no sound from within the room, she decided to go in.

Her hand found the doorknob. Discovering that the door wasn’t locked, she pushed her way inside. “Tara? Are you here? You okay?” She looked around and her breath caught in her throat. Tara was staring at her, her eyes wide in a tearstained face. She leant against her bed wearing nothing but a matching black bra and panties – with a razorblade in her hand and bleeding from several long cuts in her thigh. “Oh, God…” Willow’s voice seemed to echo through the room.

[cperrins78]

Wow. I knew it was coming but it still gave me goosbumps to read that. I could just imagine how Willow feels seeing Tara like that. Tara must be horrified to have Willow walk in on her cutting herself. I can't wait for your next update. Don't worry you won't lose me as a reader. I am hooked to this story. It's a different spin on things. I am always open to new stories and ideas.



Christina

[onyxsundrops]

I never would've thought of Tara as a "cutter", but you can never be too sure. Anyway, you won't lose me as a reader either, I'm curious and interested in seeing how everything unfolds. Assuming that Tara wants help for her problem, I look forward to seeing how Willow plans to help her through whatever she's feeling. Great update, thanks.

Yvonne

[Still Waters T]

Hey

I really like this fic. I just started reading it a few days ago, and found it really interesting, intense, and yup angsty as you said. Nice handling of having Oz stick around a bit here, not pushing him away from Willow right away, ya know? So more angsty, though I feel really sorry for Tara then... Tara just brings out the protective side in me.

In my personal opinion I don't think you should be losing readers with Tara cutting herself here. But who knows. I find it interesting....or maybe that's the wrong word, but what I mean is that a lot of kids/teens etc cut themselves because of that need for a controlled pain (I think?) as opposed to the emotional pain they can't control. So I like it. It's an issue that should be discussed more I'm thinking. So kudos to you for dealing with this in the fic

Keep up the great writing! *thumbs up*

Liv

[grimlock72]

I just started reading this story and was wondering what the "severy angsty" intro and warning was for. Well, got that figured out with this latest update .

We don't know much about Tara's history in this story. She referred to herself as being betrayed at least a couple of times. But she has now met Willow whom she likes, so why the cutting ?? Because she thinks she'll never have Willow as a true girlfriend ? Not likely that cutting yourself is going to fix that really... this is me being to rational probably

Now lets hope Tara wants Willow's help because she sure as hell is gonna get it No way I can see Willow just letting Tara be, nope. I can think of more pleasant ways to distract Willow, oh well.

Up till this chapter the story mostly read like season4 with our girls meeting slightly earlier (which reminds me, did Willow get almost hit by a car yet, or does that not happen in this story?).

I wonder about Tara's childhood, are both her parents still alive ? How did they treat her, did she any other problems back home? I'm rather worried about Tara . She needs LOTS of TLC, I'm sure Willow will volunteer

Grimmy

[dokkyo]

I love the pace of your story. While long held crushes are understandable, it's difficult for me to get into stories where Tara and Willow immediately fall madly in love the instance their eyes meet. I really enjoy how you're handling Willow's perspective and development through meeting Tara and her breakup with Oz. Tara's love and devotion shines through and there are hints of inner strength within her (even with the more recent developments). I can't wait to read what you have in store for us and yes, I love insightful Buffy. I appreciate that you've included depth into everyone. Keep it up!

[Naeryn]

cperrins78 - I'm glad you aren't pissed at me for it lol. Yes, it's hard on both of them. It'll get better though.

onyxsundrops - I was always waiting to see the scars on her wrist, honestly. I wouldn't have been surprised. Not in season four, anyway.

Still Waters T - Yes, it is very angsty. Though, I imagine that'll ease off after awhile. I think Tara brings out the protective side in just about everyone! As for the cutting, yes, it IS something that should be discussed more. It's a major issue, and a lot of people, not just youth, cut themselves, for a whole plethora of reasons. I plan to explore several of them. I understand what you meant by "interesting".

grimlock72 - Well, right now she's cutting because yes, she likes Willow, but she's expecting it all to be a set up. Like Carrie, but less homicidal and insane. No, of course cutting oneself doesn't solve any problems, but when one is feeling that way... well, there's not a whole lot of the logic going on. Yes, betrayed, you'll find out more about that later.
Damn right she's going to get Willow's help. I'm using this as something to forge a deeper connection than a lot of the ones I've seen in fanfic, a lot of people tend to run out of ideas and so fall back on smut. Yes, it is pretty much canon season four, but the way I think it would have happened had Tara been introduced earlier, given more of a spotlight, and if her character cut. No, Willow isn't nearly hit by a car. That would have happened just after she left Oz's crypt. I didn't really know how to incorporate that and have Tara be the one she talks to, so I just left it out.
No, her mother died two and a half years ago, just like in the series. I'm going to be bringing up the abuse a little more, and the demon thing is going to come out. And Willow would be an absolute moron to NOT volunteer to give that sexy blond some TLC...

dokkyo - I find the love-at-first-sight fics a little hokey too. That's not to say that I don't enjoy them, they just don't seem very realistic to me. I wanted to show that Tara genuinely cares for Willow, as we saw in the "Do what makes you h-h-happy" scene in NMR. I'm glad you noticed that, I was trying to make the characters a little more three dimensional. And more of them will show up later, I'm just focusing on Willow and Tara at the moment.

[hr]
Title: A Year of Souls
Author: Naeryn
Spoilers: Only if you never knew that Willow and Tara were together. Which, honestly, if you don’t, then you’re in for a surprise on this site.
Ratings: R/NC17 – I say both because NC17 generally only refers to scenes of a sexual nature, while in here there’s rather descriptive violence as well. Or there will be.
Disclaimer: The day I own Willow and Tara is the day the earth rotates backwards and hell freezes over – and all the Canadians down there start playing hockey!
Notes: An interesting combination of much mush and much angst. And all within a couple of hours!


LAST TIME:
Willow knocked on Tara’s door. She knew the girl would be in today – she had no classes and had already said she didn’t get out much – and so was a little worried when she didn’t get any answer. She knocked again. When there was still no sound from within the room, she decided to go in.

Her hand found the doorknob. Discovering that the door wasn’t locked, she pushed her way inside. “Tara? Are you here? You okay?” She looked around and her breath caught in her throat. Tara was staring at her, her eyes wide in a tearstained face. She leant against her bed wearing nothing but a matching black bra and panties – with a razorblade in her hand and bleeding from several long cuts in her thigh. “Oh, God…” Willow’s voice seemed to echo through the room.

[hr]

Instinctually, Willow shut the door behind her as she stepped into the room. “Tara… oh God, what happened?” She hadn’t seen the blade in the other girl’s hand. She hurried forward as Tara scrambled backwards, trying to get around and hide behind her bed. Heedless of the blood, she folded up her legs and wrapped her arms tightly around them, crunching herself up into a ball.

Willow seemed not to notice that Tara was intent on getting away from her. She kept moving towards the girl, focused only on the fact that here she was, in her room, crying and bleeding. Something MUST have happened to her. Maybe she was attacked by a big clawy thing like happened all too often in Sunnydale? She stripped off her sweatshirt, revealing her plain tank top, the thin straps not covering the black bra straps they sat on.

The redhead knelt before Tara, easing the blond’s arms from around her legs to gain access to the wounds. She gasped at seeing how much blood was now smeared across Tara’s stomach. She pressed her sweatshirt against the thin lines to slow the bleeding, then held out her arms.

Unsure, Tara leaned forwards a little. She hovered there for a moment before giving in and pressing herself against Willow, who kept one hand around her back and the other holding the now bloodied sweatshirt to her thighs. Tara’s tears began to flow again, soaking the shoulder of Willow’s shirt.

“Tara, what happened?” Will’s voice was full of concern. “Did something hurt you?”

Tara swallowed hard, realizing she was still holding the bloody blade tightly in her hand. At a loss in this situation, she could only nod. After a moment though, she spoke, needing to say it for some unknown reason. Her voice cracked as she spoke low, just over a whisper. “Me.”

Willow’s eyes narrowed and her brow furrowed. She didn’t understand, until she let her eyes roam over the other girl’s body. She couldn’t see much of it, but she had some view of one of her wrists and a little of the top of her breasts over Tara’s bra, and she winced. So many scars… How long has she been hurting herself this way? And why? “Did you… You mean, you did this? To yourself?”

Tara nodded again, trying to speak but finding that her words caught in her throat. She didn’t dare look in the redhead’s sparkling green eyes, knowing the hate, the disgust, the sheer revulsion she would see there. She wondered how long it would take for Willow to shove her away and storm out of her room, leaving only the bloody sweatshirt behind. Walk out of her life forever. She found she couldn’t bear the thought, even having only known the girl for a month and a half. Her jumpy and disoriented thoughts were called to a close as the woman in who’s arms she lay spoke again.

“Why?” Rather than the contempt she expected, Tara heard only concern in her voice. And maybe a little love, but she feared to acknowledge it, sure she was reading too far into it.

“Because. I d-deserve…” the blond couldn’t finish. Instead she buried her face deeper into Willow’s shoulder, afraid to let go.

Willow ran her hand from Tara’s shoulder down her arm, combing her finger’s through the other young woman’s and easing the blade gently from her hand. She tossed it away. Willow squeezed her eyes shut and clutched Tara tighter to herself. This girl really hates herself, doesn’t she? But she’s so beautiful, so good, so sweet… I can’t believe anyone would ever let her think she deserves this. Whoever told her she did – does – has to face me now. If whoever it was is fool enough to show up in her life again, that is. Wait… why am I assuming someone made her feel this way? Well, why else would she? She wrapped her one arm tighter around Tara, holding her as close as she could. She pressed a gentle kiss to the top of the blond head, a tear of her own falling on to the soft locks.

“Did… did someone tell you that? Did someone make you believe that?” Willow's voice shook, and when Tara responded she winced at the pain evident in her voice.

“I… yes. He’s right. I do. I’m not g-good. I’m b-bad. Very b-bad.” She choked the words out between her sobs, her stutter becoming more pronounced.

“Shhh… you’re not. It’s okay now.” Willow shifted position so she could use her leg to press the sweatshirt against Tara’s thighs, so she could hold the girl with both arms. “You’re not bad, Tara. I’ll never let anyone tell you that again.” Why am I telling her this? Because it’s true. Is it? I think it is. How can I be falling for her already? How can I be falling for a ‘her’ at all? I mean, Oz was only a week ago, and yet… Willow shook her head slightly. It didn’t matter, not right now. She reached down and cupped Tara’s chin, making the girl look her in the eye.

Tara fought to look away at first, convinced of what she would see in Willow’s eyes and knowing it would break her heart. When she finally met the bright green orbs, her breath caught. She didn’t see hate, or pity, or revulsion. She saw worry, and compassion, and empathy. She blinked hard a few times, unwilling – or unable – to believe her eyes.

*****

Half an hour later, Willow’s bloody sweatshirt lay dumped beside the bed. Willow now sat on top of the bed, running her fingers through the silky hair of the blond who lay with her head in Willow’s lap. She still wore nothing but her bra and underwear, and Willow took the opportunity to assess her scars. So many… all over her thighs. Older ones on top of her breasts and some on her stomach too. There were plenty on her wrists as well, though most of those were fairly faded, some looked to be only a few days old. She reached out and rested her hand on Tara’s stomach, pulling the girl a little closer to her. So much pain… she ran one finger over the darkest scar, wishing she could heal it.

Tara’s eyes were squeezed shut. How can she not hate me? I’m so ugly, all scarred up… how can she not think I’m crazy? Is it… is it possible that she really understands?

“Tara. Who made you believe that you deserved this? And why do you believe it?” Willow’s voice penetrated Tara’s thoughts.

“Because I d-do. I always h-have. I’m w-w-wrong.” Her tongue seemed to stumble over the last word even more than usual. Willow winced.

She shook her head. “You’re not. You’re beautiful, and smart, and too good for this.” She gestured at the fresh wounds marring Tara’s porcelain skin with a gentle gesture.

“I’m n-not.” She paused. Willow would have denied again, but got the sense that Tara intended to continue, and so she kept her silence for the time being. “W-why…?”

“Why what?”

“Why are you h-here?”

Willow’s brow furrowed again. “What do you mean? Where else would I go?”

“A-anywhere. Everyone e-else does.” Tara closed her eyes, grimacing against pain both physical and emotional, and not believing she actually let her insecurity slip. She supposed it didn’t really matter though. I’ve already sort of made the biggest slip I can.

“Well I’m not everyone else.” Willow let herself smile a little. As grave as the situation was, she found the blond’s insecurity somehow endearing. All she really knew was that she suddenly wanted to protect this girl from anyone or anything that wished to harm her.

“I d-don’t…”

“What?”

“Don’t d-deserve this. You. C-caring about m-me.”

Suddenly it wasn’t so endearing anymore. Willow fought back her own tears as she tried to find her voice, barely more than whispering, “You don’t think you deserve to have people care about you? Love you?”

“Of c-course not.” Tara didn’t sound in pain this time, more like she was just stating fact. Astonished, actually, as if that were simply to be assumed. She opened her eyes and looked up into the green ones above her, confusion written all over her face.

Willow found she’d lost all ability to speak. Instead, she simply pulled Tara up to sit and pressed her close. Tara was shocked to find Willow trembling. She reached up to touch her face, and her hand came away damp. Willow was crying. Why is Willow crying? “What is it?” Tara had suddenly put her own pain aside, afraid that something had hurt the beautiful redhead.

“You just… you deserve so much more, so much better than this.” Willow sighed and tightened her arms around the girl. All right. I officially hate her dad and whoever this Donnie guy is.

Tara shook her head. “I don’t. I’ve always b-been… b-bad. N-never… stupid and b-bad and ugly and…” she closed her eyes again.

Willow found that it pained her to lose sight of Tara’s eyes. Those eyes that could change from wise to desolate to innocent in half a moment. The beautiful blue eyes that had somehow gotten a hold of her soul and carried it away. “You’re not ugly.” She ran the tips of her fingers over Tara’s thigh. “These? They’re nothing. Scars. They don’t touch you, Tara. They don’t make you any less beautiful.” She pushed Tara away a little and ran her other hand over her cheek.

Tara opened her eyes slowly, willing herself to meet Willow’s gaze. “You’re beautiful. So beautiful. Your soul shines through your eyes.” Willow smiled warmly. “And you’re definitely not stupid.”

Tara laughed bitterly at this. “I’m not? And w-what do you call t-this?” She gestured to her body, obviously indicating the many scars.

Willow sighed, still smiling. “I call that pain. I call that not knowing where to turn when you feel like you have no options left. Maybe not the best way to go, no… but it doesn’t mean you’re stupid.”

Both girls remained silent for a while after that, lost in their own thoughts.

Tara’s mind was going a mile a minute. She seems like she does understand! But how can she? Unless she’s… no, I don’t think… but what if she’s been here too?

Willow sighed faintly. Poor girl. To have so much pain that there’s nothing else to do… to honestly believe you deserve to feel like that… How is it to know that no one’s ever loved you? I think I have to change that. No... I know I have to change that.

Tara spoke first. “W-Willow?”

“Yes?”

“How… how do you u-understand?”

Willow closed her eyes for a moment. “Before I met Buffy… well, I was never really a happy person. I pretended to be…” she saw Tara’s eyes open wide and shook her head. “I never hurt myself, but probably only because I didn’t think of it. Instead I drowned myself in school. What else would I have done? My mother the psychologist was too blind to see me falling. Probably because she was never around. I didn’t want her to. My father wasn’t exactly mister available either, they really couldn’t be bothered with me. I think they had a kid more as an experiment than because they wanted a child, really. I was in love with Xander for years, but he didn’t see it. Didn’t help me feel any more wanted, any more loved, especially when he started dating Cordy. I thought... I thought it meant he'd rather be with someone he hated than be with me… that changed when I met Buffy. She could have been one of the most popular girls in school – she could have been friends with anyone – but she wanted me. I was stunned. And decided that maybe I was worth something after all.”

Tara’s mouth gaped open. Her goddess had felt like that? Had felt the way she did so often? She shook her head. It’s not right that she ever feel like that…

“Tara?” Willow’s voice was almost pleading. Tara met her eyes again, this time without hesitation. “I have to tell you something. And I need you to understand.”

Tara simply nodded.

“I love you. I don’t think you’ve heard that a lot. I love you, I love everything that you are. You’re beautiful, and you’re so good, so good to me, and you’ve been there for me in a way even Buffy and Xander haven’t. So I love you.” Willow looked intently at the blond before her, trying to pour as much of her feeling for this woman into her gaze as she could.

Tara searched the eyes in front of her, half wanting to tear herself away, but finding herself unable. Does she really mean…? It can’t be a romantic love, but… Tara felt her eyes filling with tears again.

Willow stood up. “Tara… I don’t think there’s anything else I can do for you. I can’t think of anything. I want you to know, if you want to talk to me, about this, about anything, I’m just a phone call away. You stayed with me all night when I was feeling hurt and alone. If that’s what you need, I’ll do the same for you.” She smiled, and turned towards the door. I have to let her process this. Think about what I’ve said… I just told her I love her, I think I barely knew it myself… she’s probably going to… Willow’s thoughts were interrupted by Tara’s soft voice.

“Willow?”

The redhead turned back to face Tara, who was now curled underneath her duvet. Blue eyes looked up to meet Will’s green ones with a pleading look.

“Stay with me?”

[GayNow]

I've started this reply about three times...and each time I've gone back to delete what I typed. I just can't seem to find the words...the right words. The words that will make sense...in my own mind and when you and others read this.

You've tapped into an agonizing pain here. And it's taken me back about 20 years so that I've tapped into that pain again, too. I wasn't a cutter, but I found other ways to hurt myself...more emotionally than physically. But I found that I liked to play with Daddy's shotguns. And I thank every deity known and unknown that I had a friend to get me through that time.

It's not an easy process...and there's no quick fix. So I would assume that Tara and Willow have some rough times ahead of them. Realistically, they should. But I have no doubt that Willow's resolve will win out.

So, my request for an update is not for my typical reasons -- W/T goodness -- though I know that will come along. Instead, I ask for an update to experience the healing process that Tara -- and Willow -- will undoubtedly go through. Yes there will be more pain. Yes there will be more angst. Yes there will be more doubt. There has to be. But it's so worth it in the end. And in order to get to the good at the end, we need the pain and angst and doubt.

Hoping for more soon,

Carleen

[cperrins78]

Wow that was a powerful update. I could feel Tara's pain with every word. I could feel the anguish and the self loathing. I could feel Willow's desperation, trying to get through to Tara and letting her know that she is worth something. Thank you so much for this story. I can't wait for more.


Christina

[Shai]

This is officially one of my favourite stories on Pens.I like that you haven't rushed into things, and are taking your time building the story.Personally I'd like to see how this tale develops. Keep the good work coming! Cheers!

[viximon]

How sad to feel so helpless. That chapter was full of pain and hurted souls but what I liked the most is it was full of hope and love too.

Please continue soon